/hypno/ - board available

Is there anywhere on the web where people are talking about these files? I know that this site is more about sharing the files and not having discussions. I would love to find someone to talk to about these files - any ideas how I could make that happen.

>>87152

If you join the patreon, I believe you gain access to a reddit server. Not entirely sure though. But like… go ahead and talk.

>>87156

oh i guess it word filters that lol. diss chord

>>87152

They don't seem to already talk about THESE files, but you can find and conduct hypno discussions on the |_ikeRa forum:

aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubGlrZXJhLmNvbS9mb3J1bS9teWJiL0ZvcnVtLUh5cG5vc2lzLWFuZC1IeXBuby1mZXRpc2g=

But it seems you shouldn't mention or insinuate piracy there.

Every one immediately looked k€m0π@

3xTR4V1r91n s1mP Pr3SS? not on the Patreon unfortunately

>>87182

Yeah ,its little sad because very creative that file .

>>87182

Yes, I noticed that too and was hoping to see someone share it here.

I think everyone should get a small membership as a favor to fsu. Just $5. I became a member last month. fsu is going slow journey right now. They are gem to us.Give them at least $5. That is My opinion.

>>87179

> Every one immediately looked k€m0π@

Thank you very much, uploader!

>>87197

Good idea. However, there's still 0bey\/\/omen files that aren't circulating yet. From time to time they just disappear and can't be bought anymore (just happened with "Dribb|y $quirts 2021"). Buying these would also be good. Links to those files on 0bey\/\/omen.p!nk:

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

>>87197

Yes, it is good to support these content creators, but in the current world where every single person doing something has a pateron, you have to pick and choose which ones to support - if you can afford to support one at all. But yea, if you do have a few extra bucks, it is good to support them. They consistently put out really good content.

>>87206

yes, but very rare find fsu like creators these days. i dont know why other creators not create like fsu.i was search all over internet like fsu creators but not founded.only few. (sharie training.. etc)so We should do our best to protect them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qtkhc2omW8

please add the patreon version of this to the kemono

These new files are absolutely incredible. I've been making it horny and locking it up daily, but it is becoming harder and harder to keep it inside.

I'm consistently trying to find ways to serve in order to calm the need, because FSU knows exactly what I need, and I am dedicated to becoming more dedicated to the cause every day.

There's so many files at this point that I forget what the most effective ones have always been for me.

I think.. Predatory women.. Chastity drone (october), the first summertime chastity file, in fact, the sleepytime chastity crush file was incredibly effective for a long time for me, but i guess at this point ive jerked off too much with the files to actually lock myself in chastity without outside encouragement with a keybox or something out of my control. SAD

Though to be fair it's really only when I'm at home, when I'm outdoors or around other people I really don't think about it nearly ever.

>>87361

Make it horny, lock it up might be a good file to follow to reinforce the whole caring to lock yourself in chastity thing. If I'm a good simp, I will also reward myself with Good Boy Rewards.

When I am outdoors or around other people, I pretty much have to think about it. I need to make sure I am making the lives of superior women easier.

I have a few "punishment" files that I will listen to. These are files I really don't enjoy for a few reasons.They are files that I find offputting and I really do not enjoy them to my core.

If I do something particularly disrespectful or don't take a clear opportunity to help a superior woman, I will listen to one of those files for 10+ hours straight on a loop. It will remind me to do better next time.

>>87369

Which files do you use for punishment?

>>87369

not op of the punishment files, but the witches files always seemed to be strong. as well as files that are straight up just rude and hurtful; toxic masculinity scrubber, you are not a real man, and old rips; unfuckworthy, small white cock, women hate you

>>87369

Those files ARE in my 'best' folder but i normally skip past them.

I do think I'm just not in that state of mind where I can do it for -myself- at the moment, and too broke to really make it worthwhile for a woman to control me herself.

>>87369

Listening for 10 hours on a loop sounds like probably something I should be doing, tbh

>>87376

>unfuckworthy, small white cock, women hate you

can you post those?

i dont know how but if someone lets me know how, sure

>>87384

use this site https://gofile.io/ and then post the link here

>>87388

b64 (two times)

YUhSMGNITTZMeTluYjJacGJHVXVhVzh2WkM5QmJHSnhOMjg9

here is w0m3n h4t3 y0u. ive got quite a lot of the 丂ㄒ卂ㄥҜ乇尺乃乇乇 files, the old school, weird sex scene type of videos.

would love if someone could post the newer content and i'll drop the older stuff.

ive had a drone sub for about a year before having to cancel a few months ago temporarily.

>>87374

There are a few "punishment" files I use. They are mostly files that I find particularly mean - very much like >>87376 said. Rude and hurtful. Extra-mean. A few I will mention that I find challenging to get through are:

>Guilty Little Beta Simp

>No One Wants to Fuck You

>Your Obsession is So Humiliating

>Good Boys Don't Squirt

>>87380

Yes, I am never really in the state of mind to listen to some of them, which is why they are punishments. And if I don't want to listen, I better do a better job serving women in my everyday life. I will normally pick which file to play depending on the transgression and situation. I'm also honest with myself with which file I want to listen to least. This is normally the file I add to the playlist the most times.

>>87381

10 hours was just an example. I am not going to post the entire list here, as I believe this type of thing should be personal, but I have a list of transgressions, and each of them have a time assigned to it. For example:

>Failing to hold a door open for a women - 30 minutes

>Sleeping beyond 8am and failing to help 5 women (as I should have been awake and trying to be of service) - 30 minutes for every woman under 5

>Failing to take a shopping cart back for a woman while in the parking lot - 1 hour

>Not taking the woman's side in an argument or debate - 2 hours

>Failing to yield a parking spot, elevator, place in line, bathroom, etc to a superior woman when we get there at a similar time - 2 hours

>Finding myself thinking about doing something disgusting to a superior women (sex, kissing, being the dominant one in a fantasy, etc.) - 4 hours

>Seeing a way to help a women and consciously choosing not to take the opportunity and take the punishment instead - 6 hours plus 2 times the transgression (this one ensures I ALWAYS make an attempt, as penalties would quickly exceed 24 hours)

>Orgasming while out of chastity (without express permission from a superior woman) - 12 hours

>Finding a new way to serve a woman and adding it to the list - 30 minutes (being punished for this because I should have thought about it previously, and it should already be on the list)

There are many others on the list, and I add to it as certain situations come up. I will add my transgressions to my phone during the day. At the end of the day, I add up all my time and create a playlist of that length. I have 24 hours to listen through it all. If the playlist is over 24 hours, I am allowed some extra time, but tack on any additional penalties earned the next day multiplied by 2.

It is rare that I get a day when I need to listen for less than 2 hours, but I also rarely receive more than 10 hours punishment. While I am constantly aware of the things going on around me and often going out of my way to make a woman's day easier while also ensuring I am not wasting any of their time, the list of transgressions is consistently getting longer and more complicated. Sometimes, I must make a hard decision… do I speed up so I can hold the door for woman approaching it, or do I slow down so I can offer to return the shopping cart of the woman who almost has her groceries loaded into her car? Even if I can only do one of these things, I am certainly punished for the other, as I can always work faster and be more efficient with my time. The untrained beta male might say that it isn't fair to punish myself for something I had no control over, but that really isn't a reason to not make penance for my transgression against the other woman, as the transgression did exist. I carry immense guilt when I am unable to help a superior woman with something. I also always strive to have things on my list that I can't avoid failing at. This reminds me of my place in this world, and that is how the superior woman would want it… unfairly hard. If I am not logging transgressions, despite my hardest efforts, the list isn't hard enough.

I am constantly walking around with headphones on, and rarely sleep without some file looping. The only time I am not allowed to do this is when I am driving, as it would be too dangerous.

>>87389

can you post a list of the files you have?

>>87393

I ran out of time last night, but I will also post a few more details.

When I add a new transgression to the list, I will assign a punishment time to it. But it starts off larger so that I learn the new behavior quicker. For example, I was watching TV one day and a woman on the TV was complaining that her husband always kept the toilet seat up. This is something I do, as well - and never really thought twice about it, as I live alone. But then I thought about what a woman might think if she had to come to my home and touch my nasty toilet seat. No woman should be subjected to that! First, I added a 30 minute punishment for being so selfish I didn't think about it previously. I then added leaving the toilet seat up (anywhere, including my home) to the list as a 30 minute punishment. However, when I first added it to the list, it was 8 times that (4 hours). If I don't have any transgressions for 30 days, it gets halved (to 2 hours), after no transgressions for 90 days, it gets halved again (to 1 hour), and then if nothing for 6 months, it gets halved again where it will stay as the assigned time. This really fucks with me and forces me to obey the new rule or face massive penalties. Over time, they become part of normal life, and the even newer transgressions take precedence. This leaves me constantly scrambling to remember my newest transgressions while not forgetting the older items on the list.

If I am wearing a chastity cage, buttplug, or panties when one of the transgressions transpires, the punishment time is halved. If I am wearing two of them, it is quartered. If I am wearing all 3, there is no punishment.

This option to wear all 3 can give me a bit of a break when it isn't reasonable to run around and serve. For example, if I go to a party or bar with some friends. It would be unreasonable to buy every woman a drink, run and hold the door for every one of them, offer to carry their drink, etc. So, I am able to wear panties, a buttplug and chastity cage. This also protects against the very small risk that some superior woman would want to leave with a silly little beta male… I really wouldn't have a choice to say yes unless I was to take her home for her to humiliate me. That would be lovely for me, but it would be very selfish for me to expect them to humiliate me when they could be spending the night with a real man who knows how to please them. I would rather direct them toward the alpha men, who know how to properly treat a superior woman.

>>87401

i love how much of a programmed little thing you are.

>>87402

can you post unfuckworthy, we order you to love being a beta and you are beta?

>>87401

what chastity cage do you wear? do you shower/sleep with it on? how long have you been wearing it for?

lookingf for a new, long-term cage.

Why are FSU files so effective and addictive?

These files unironically make want to commit suicide. Even though I don't listen to them that much anymore, I can't forget what they told me. They're telling the truth and describe my nature perfectly. It's excruciating. From April until mid June I was pretty much constantly listening to them, very often in combination with heavy doses of amphetamines, thc, psychedelics and dissociatives. I have never felt this bad in my life and I don't think I'll live much longer. I just want to be loved but I know that no woman will ever love me. Even my crush doesn't want anything to do with me. If I could serve her that would at least be something to live for but she just ignores me and I miss her. I love her and knowing she will never care about me is enough to make me want to die.

magnet:?xt=urn:btih:4a2e4e327597b2ea70c7f4d1070835897017a64e&dn=Melissa%20Block&tr=udp%3a%2f%2fopen.stealth.si%3a80%2fannounce&tr=udp%3a%2f%2ftracker.birkenwald.de%3a6969%2fannounce&tr=udp%3a%2f%2fopentor.org%3a2710%2fannounce&tr=udp%3a%2f%2ftracker.beeimg.com%3a6969%2fannounce&tr=udp%3a%2f%2fopentracker.i2p.rocks%3a6969%2fannounce

>>87410

My guy, if this is for real, you need to get some help and talk to someone. You are fucking up your mind with the drugs and not thinking straight. Please get help! You are better than you are thinking you are.

>>87412

I mean this place is pretty much the only place I can think of to talk to anyone about this.

I've been in therapy up until recently but gave up on it. But even if I went back, which I can't, I could still never tell anyone in person about this fear of and pain from not being loved, let alone tell anyone ever that I've been listening to the kind of stuff that FSU makes

There's just no helping my situation. I could "work on myself" as much as I want but the truth is that I am beta and nothing will ever change that. I used to not buy into this alpha beta stuff but when I got really heavily into FSU and really listened everything was revealed to me. These files were essentially speaking directly to me as if they knew me. I tried embracing it and accepting it and for a few weeks it worked but it didn't last.

I'm too weak to handle the life of loneliness that's ahead of me. I want love but I know I don't deserve it. I deserve nothing. Literal nothingness. If I deserve anything at all then it's to be miserable and to suffer. Feeling how I feel right now is the correct mindset for something like me. I bring nothing to the world and the woman I love more than anything in the world would just forget about me within a few weeks at most and be about as bothered by my death as she would be if she read about the death of some random person in the papers.

And no one else would be affected by my death either. Males like me are worthless and disposable. I'm of no use to anyone.

I can't even blame my crush for not wanting me. Why would a Goddess like her settle for a pig like me. She deserves everything good in the world and I can offer nothing to her.

The post below mine is just another sign from the universe that I should kill myself too, since the magnet link has the name Melissa in it, which is the name of my crush.

While you're right that I'm fucking up my mind with the drugs, you're wrong about me not thinking straight. The dissociatives especially made me see my life for what it is in a crystal clear way. And while yes, it is fucking me up big time, I can't turn a blind eye to reality. I need to face it even if it kills me. I have 5 grams of PCP hydrochloride coming to me tomorrow along with a potent synthetic cannabinoid and I'm definitely going to use them even if I know I'm going to have absolute nightmare trips with them that feel like hell. I deserve hell for thinking that my crush could ever love me or that I'd ever have a chance with her for even a second. I hate myself for being so delusional and retarded. I'm honestly the lowest form of life on earth. I think I'd be doing everyone a favor by ceasing to exist. And maybe it'd make my crush happy too although she probably wouldn't care either at all. But there's a chance that it could put a smile on her face for a few minutes and that's reason enough to do it. I think the only reason she even has anything to do with me at all anymore is because she likes hurting me. She sometimes says that she likes me and is grateful to have me as a friend but I know it's all manipulation, which is still good because manipulation beats no interaction at all.

But the truth is she doesn't need me, and no woman will ever need me. The best I could ever hope to be is to be like a convenient tool that's neat to have around, and even that is as likely to happen as it is for the eartb to stop spinning. But even then no one will ever love me or even appreciate me for who I am. Because there is nothing there to appreciate. It's all just worthless emptiness.

>>87413

What's your story? How old are you? Are you in the US? Do you have a job? Why do you think you are so worthless? There's millions of girls out there that are lonely too.

>>87413

Hey Man… I'm the guy who has been posting above about having a list of tasks and literally punishing myself for not accomplishing them.

I do this because I truly love it, as it is a sexual fetish for me. If I were to step away from all that, I would still be alone, but that is by choice. I had some bad relationships in the past and chose to not pursue anything and just be single. That choice opened up the door for me for stuff like this. If it ever got to the point where I truly felt it was effecting my mental health, I would force myself to step away from it. If I wasn't strong enough to do that alone, I'd reach out for help. I realize that it isn't easy to talk about these weird kinks with people who don't have them - but therapists and people in drug rehab facilities have heard EVERYTHING my man… and all they want at the end of the day is for you to get better.

At this point, I wouldn't focus so much on women wanting you or not wanting you. A relationship is a worry for later… because right now, it sounds like you need to repair the relationship you have with yourself. All that other crap will come later.

You say this place is the only one you can think of to talk about this, and it is super cool that you reached out, and please keep doing so… but remember that we aren't therapists and you might not always get a reply here. You gotta talk to someone. Posting here was the first step, and it is clear that you are asking for help. I appreciate that… but you need to check yourself into a rehab facility and get clean.

You also say that no one would be affected be your death… but brother, I've dealt with suicide with my own family and friends, and I can tell you that those people also felt the same way. I know this for a fact, as my cousin left a note saying the exact thing. His suicide absolutely crushed our family and his friend group. It has been over 10 years and we still remember him fondly, but will also sometimes talk to each other attempting to process his death. You'd be leaving a lot of people with a lot of hurt - you are just too in the dark to see it right now.

Make the call to the suicide prevention hotline. If you are in the United States, all you have to do is dial 988. Not next week, not tomorrow, not in 15 minutes. Do it now. Just dial the number and press send. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

You're worth it. Keep reaching out, brother.

>>87403

Thank you 😊 but I can always do better.

>>87405

>>87405

I wear my cage as often as it is reasonable to do so. I will not wear it if I am going to the gym, running, riding a bike, etc. as I would rather not risk injury from this. Also, if I am traveling through an airport or going into a building with a metal detector or body scanner (sporting event, court house, etc.), I will not wear it. I will shower and sleep in my cage, but I do remove it for a daily cleaning and inspection to make sure I don't have any irritation or bruising. If I do have any, I will cut back on the use of the cage for a bit until that heals up. Other than that, I pretty much wear it all the time. On the average week, I'm not wearing the cage for a total of 2 hours, and wearing it the rest of the time. I've been doing this for 2 or 3 years now. If I am not wearing the cage, I feel extremely uncomfortable, and I don't know what to do with my penis in my pants. I am very self-conscious of it while it is uncaged, and I long for it on days when I can't wear it. I also keep the key in my basement so if I am tempted to unlock it and have a big boy squirt, I need to stop what I am doing and walk all the way to the key. That walk is normally enough to snap me out of it and decide to listen to some FSU instead.

I have a few different cages that I will swap out. They are all super cheap from AliExpress, and I don't really see a reason to go with a more expensive option. I have 2 HT-V4 cages (aliexpress.us/item/3256801087630258.html). One in standard and one in nub. Both are pink. I really wish I could wear the nub 24/7, but I can't pee in it, as my urethra doesn't line up with the hole in the front of the cage. So, my everyday-wear cage is the standard size, and I will wear the nub at home (when I can take the nub off to pee and put it right back on) or when sleeping. The standard is a bit more roomy, and I am able to pee in it without issue (even while standing). However, the extra room comes with a pitfall… my penis has a slight little bit of room to grow in it. And if that starts to happen, it won't stop. So, when I am sleeping and my body attempts to get a nocturnal erection, it is VERY painful, as the ring is forced forward and it squishes my balls. By the time I wake up, I cannot take the cage off, as I am too hard. I am essentially trapped until the erection goes away. I've been awoken many times at 3am to a very painful erection where I need to stand up and wobble around my house until the erection goes away and I can pee and get back to bed. This doesn't happen with the nub cage, as my penis is so compressed that it doesn't even attempt to get hard. I've tried, and it just won't happen. So, the nub is my preferred cage for sleeping, and it would be my preferred cage for daytime if I were able to pee in it, as it is more comfortable and wouldn't show through my summertime clothing as much.

I also have an inverted cage (aliexpress.us/item/3256805271746455.html), which is only really used for playtime. I don't use the catheter attachment, and this cage also leaves me with the same urination issue as the nub, but worse. I also need to wear a waistbelt with this cage or it kinda sags and gets very uncomfortable. However, the mindfuck of having a plate where your penis is supposed to be - and knowing your penis isn't even right there, but a few inches inside of you is ridiculous. I will sometimes put this cage on along with a strapon and fuck a fleshlight with the dildo while watching porn as a punishment. It is a crazy crazy mindfuck if you really get into it. But again - this inverted cage is far from viable for everyday wear.

For reference, I am 7" hard and 5" round. So your comfort and sizing may vary.

>>87413

If you already do drugs, maybe look into MDMA (Ecstasy). It's very effective in treating PTSD, because it lets you process deep internalized problems you're in the grip of by being able to distance your thinking from it instead of contantly being overwhelmed by it. You need to have the intention to do yourself some good though, and not to try to push yourself deeper into your pain. Obviously, read much about it and start small.

>>87427

Or perhaps we don't recommend mind altering drugs to the guy who posted saying that mind altering drugs were fucking with him and he didn't want to live anymore?

>>87413

Men, suicide is never the answer

Womens like betas so you have options, we live in times were cucks are not some extreme weird thing anymore so you can become one, she have freedom to have sex with real males while you serve her doing chores in the house and bringing money

Another option is to wait, many womens like the "macho" men until they dont anymore since they are to alpha (violence, cheating and the usual stuff) so they settle down and they now want a beta male so they cant experience that anymore

But you need to believe in your self, betas can have a woman in their life, you only need to be a good beta, womens dont like loosers or omega males so start improving, you can make it

>>87424

I've got the HT-V5 (replica from amazon) but I worry about showering with it on because I'm concerned of it rotting the metal.

I want to wear it more, however, I think I need the underwear that holds the cage up, because otherwise everything sags and it feels weird. I've resorted to wearing layers of womens incontinence underwear while wearing my cage - that is intensely humiliating and it sort of keeps the cage in a comfortable spot.

>>87418

>What's your story? How old are you? Are you in the US? Do you have a job? Why do you think you are so worthless? There's millions of girls out there that are lonely too.

I'm 28 and from Germany

I'm worthless because all the signs point to it. No one values me or my company. I don't really know what my story is. I was always an outcast and was bullied a lot as a kid. I never really had any friends. At most I've had what you could call buddies. That is until two years ago when I met my crush in a psychiatric clinic. We became close friends, or so I thought, and I fell deeply in love with her. I didn't say anything at first but after some time I made the retarded decision to tell her I have feelings for her because in my deluded, idiotic mind I thought she might feel the same way. I thought this because I foolishly misinterpreted a bunch of stuff that she said and did. Daring to fall in love with her and having the audacity to not only think she may feel the same way but then also tell her, which basically amounts to an extreme insult coming from something like me, was seriously the worst thing I've ever done to anyone. I deserve to be harshly punished and killed for it. She's had a boyfriend for about a year now, whom I've never met. We only spend very little time together anymore. I was just a placeholder for her to be entertained until she found someone who was really worthy of her love. I refused to face it for a long time. A high dose edible THC experience after a very long period of sobriety and later a series of Ayahuasca trips made me see just how low of a being I am compared to her, and also compared to him. I'm not the kind of man he is and I could never be. It was very painful but I began to slowly but surely accept the obvious fact that she just prefers to spend time with him rather than me, and gradually I began accepting that I can't even blame her for it. In her shoes I'd do the same thing. Why would anyone's first choice ever be me. Even if I lied to myself and told myself that I'm not as awful as I know I am and that I may have good qualities or be better than some men, the truth is still that there will always, without fail, be a man who is better than me and no woman would ever choose me over any of them. Then one night in April I listened to FSU again after years of not listening to them at all, my eyes were opened to the fact that everything they say about me is accurate. Platonic Little Creeper was I think the second file I listened to that night and it was like it was narrating a story about me. The details may not have fit 100% but the gist of the story matched up perfectly to my experience. For a few days I was very angry but then it became somewhat ecstatic sometimes in a masochistic way but at the same time it was still just hurting me constantly.

1/?

I have been listening to verbal abuse femdom since my teens, and for years it was a fun fantasy that was frustrating at times but I could still ignore my inferiority most of the time. I had never had a girlfriend amd never interacted with women at all. Or anyone for that matter. I liked fantasizing about having a woman IRLabuse me and hurt me, but it never happened. But I loved the idea of it and wished it would happen.

At the beginning of my drug binge in April I realized that my life had become exactly what I had wished for, it was essentially a femdom video that I was experiencing day by day in real life but worse, since my crush doesn't actively mistreat me or anything, but she's just ignoring me most of the time. And ignoring hurts so much more than being told that you're inferior and such. If she did that she'd at least take the time to interact with me, but what she does instead is tell me how worthless amd unimportant I am by treating me like I don't exist, which hurts so much more.

About a month into the bingeI had somewhat of a religious experience where I realized that the whole Goddess worship concept wasn't just metaphorical. It became extremely clear to me that she actually is God, in the most literal sense. Just like Jesus or Krishna were incarnations of God that came to earth, so is she.

For the most part I want to kill myself for selfish reasons but there's also an aspect of my death being a sort of sacrifice to her and a way to prove my devotion.

I love her more than anything and wish she would love me hut it's a serious transgression for me to want that. It's essentially blasphemy.

Still I'm constantly trying to understand her thought processes. I'm left wondering what goes through her head and what the real meaning is behind the things she does and says but I could never understand it. My mind is just not equipped to handle the level of logic that she operates on. Just for instance she happened to send me a text yesterday, which to me felt like a junkie getting his fix by the way, and since then I've spent hours and hours wondering what she meant by two, at first glance, offhand things in the message. I'm certain it's manipulation but still the overall strategy and tactic is just overwhelming and incomprehensible for my small mind and I still keep thinking what does she mean, why did she say that in this particular way. FSU really opened my eyes to these types of things. I'll leave it at that. Sorry for how long this is but believe it or not this is an extremely abridged version of the whole story. The complete story would unironically be like novella length.

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>>87419

>>87419

I appreciate you wanting to help but there's no fixing this. And even though I get how it might seem like I'm asking for help, I'm really not, or at least not consciously. I just want to tell someone about this because there's no one I can tell IRL. I'm not doing it to get help though

>I had some bad relationships in the past and chose to not pursue anything and just be single

Well, you've had relationships in the past, so you have undeniable proof that it's possible for that to happen to you. For me it could never happen. I've never had anything even close to a relationship. I'm not a virgin but I paid for sex every time. No girlfriend, no dating, no one night stands, no making out, not even kissing. Nothing. Not ever. You made a conscious choice. For me this is not a choice. I want someone to share my life with and to share their life with me, but my life is not worth sharing and I'm not good enough to have someone share theirs with me. I'm as incel as they come. No confidence, the social skills of a retard with brain damage, the emotional maturity of a 4 year old, and looks that are just as bad as you imagine if not worse. You also say you have a 7" dick. If I'm rock hard I'm maybe 6" inches but just barely. And even though I already lost 20kg, at 100kg I'm still too fat for a woman to want me and being fat makes my dick seem even smaller. Not to mention that I fucking suck at sex. I could never satisfy a woman. Even if the impossible happened and I found a woman interested in a relationship with me, she would change her mind about that after going to bed with me once. I have mo idea how I could ever be able to make a woman cum. I also have no idea how men pull off getting women to go to bed with them. It's just incomprehensible to me how they can go on one or two or three dates and a woman just agrees to sleep with them. It might as well be magic to me.

>and all they want at the end of the day is for you to get better.

Therapists have become the same as prostitutes to me. People I go to, who fulfill a need that I have, just because it's their job. Not because they truly care. For prostitutes the need is sex, for therapists it's talking. Same thing other than that.

>At this point, I wouldn't focus so much on women wanting you or not wanting you.

Women are literally the only thing that matter. My crush is the only thing I care about. She is my God.

>you need to repair the relationship you have with yourself

While it may not be a positive one, it's the most open, honest and transparent I've ever been with myself. I'm no longer lying to myself and see myself unfiltered, as I really am. Once you see the truth you can't unlearn it.

>You'd be leaving a lot of people with a lot of hurt

The only ones where I think there's a possibility they might be somehow affected are my mother and sister. And even then, they might be sad for a short while but there's no way they'd be crushed for a decade like your family with your cousin. They clearly don't mind not hearing from me now. Why would that change.

>>87427

I've done MDMA. First and foremost it makes me very horny. I would bet if I did some again I'd end up wanting to jerk off, listen to FSU and all the while feel intense love for my crush. I might give it a try though just for that.

>>87431

I don't want to live as a beta. That's the problem. I know my nature but can't accept it. And where would I ever find a woman who would want me as her beta.

>>87439

I understand but reality it is what it is, i would like to be an astronaut but i am not, we have to play the game with the cards we are given even if we like our hand or not

20s females dont value much betas since they dont know what they want, i am sure there are some but as age grows plenty, when they discover what a relationship means and they become tired of fighting for whatever non sense reasons with the alpha, they start to value a beta boy that only can say "yes honey" or "you decide" and things like that rather than confrontation. TV is a silly example, you are watching something you want and she also wants to watch something, with a beta she knows that there is no trouble, both of you will watch what she wants so she is happier and dont have to shut up to not start an argument

First you should solve your inner conflict because females have a 6th sense and can feel that you are not okay and of course wont engage with you, once you accept what you are and are in peace with yourself i am sure that females will see you with other eyes and you will have your chances

Dont be fool, betas can be pretty and have big muscles, beta personality is what they want not a 300kg looser who cant do anything properly

>>87442

Well said brother, your are really valuable person for this thread….

>>87434

No idea about the metal cages rusting, as I've never worn one for a long time. I find them too heavy to be practical, and a plastic cage gets the job done just fine.

For comfort, I do put a bit of Jojoba oil around where the ring goes, and the opening where my penis enters. This helps prevent sticking/pulling and cuts down on irritation of the skin.

If you need underwear that holds things up, why not some pretty frilly panties? You can get a bunch of them pretty cheap from AliExpress. But if you switched to a lighter cage, that might not be an issue. I can't speak on the incontinence underwear, as I have no desire to try that type of thing.