/fringe/ - Fringe

>>142614

Yea but this is my personal blog at this point, I tracked my year here.

20/8/24

10th coom of the year. I don't know what's up with me, I went through these falling off the wagon type of streaks before and I eventually recovered, at least the monthly streaks. I can't coom anymore, at least this year. I had a fucking goal goddamit, I always believe I can watch some porn without cumming. I CANNOT WATCH PORN WITHOUT CUM. I CANNOT EDGE. EDGING IS FOR OTHERS LIKE MONEY OR TOP TIER PUSSY. I DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO EDGE. NOT EVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES

>>142616

What exactly are you trying to achieve with this? What end state are you aiming for that once attained you could recognize yourself as having 'completed your goal'?

>>142622

The freedom from the pussy spell. Pussy has ruined my life, both IRL choices and with porn addiction. It will take decades to be free from the prison I have put myself in. And I'm not talking about porn addiction. Right now I don't have a time machine, I only had one life and I ruined it, I try to enjoy what I have left when I can. What I can do is stop watching porn. That will free up some time, a lot of energy, I'll have a better mental state and will help a bit with drooling/ogling for pussy. I saw I have an average of less than one coom a month this year. It's really good, I've come a long way from twice daily. This year I want to finish without any other cooms, I say it's doable since the last few relapses have been very underwhelming, not even pleasurable, let alone godlike. I seem to have built so much fear/anxiety around the act that I get migraines just by thinking about porn. It's not enjoyable at this point to edge, I coom so rarely I'm so pent up I can't last three minutes. I don't even touch my dick and I coom when watching porn. And what's good with watching 1 minute of porn then closing it? I get this huge sexual frustration, i want to watch more and that means I'll coom in a couple minutes. So I close again until I eventually lose it. That's been the cycle of relapse for all year. And finally my stupid brain stopped enjoying it.

>>142623

I guess I needed 9 years (from discovering nofap) to go from full on gooner to once a month coomer that doesn't really enjoy porn anymore. I was so deep in that I would run to my dorm and jack off to porn everytime I saw a beautiful girl or one weekend I prone fucked a leather stool lubricated with spit because a fleshlight would have given me away.

Which esoteric methods can I use to go from being homosexual to straight?

>>142626

go ask on reddit, I heard they're good with that

>>142616

09/30/24

11th coom and we're not even in October. Once again I've made the same mistake, thinking I can watch without busting. There is no avoiding it. You will bust if you look. No matter how little. You watch 10 seconds, you'll coom

10/16/24

12th coom of the year. I lost the battle after fighting my addiction for three days. Gave in like usual, not with the intention to coom, but just to enjoy myself. Such a stupid man, I don't know how many times I will have to fall until I learn that I'm not to be trusted when it comes to busting. So just like that, my last ticket this year is gone. If I want to reach my goal I'd have to stay cum free for another two and a half months. That's a very rare feat. I did that only about four or five times in my life. If I fail again I will be wasting mote time and energy on this stupid fruitless pursuit

10/22/24

13th coom of the year. And just like that I failed the challenge I imposed on myself. I don't feel bad, I don't feel anything. I just am here, empty, in front of a pc. I got my fix. I'll be fine for a few days. I'll see you soon

11/9/24

14th coom of the year. So I no longer get hard for regular pmvs after I installed a hentai game. And for the first five days I did not coom playing the game because I was focused on the mechanics. Now I coomed to that too and suddenly I don't want to play the game. I did not tell myself that, it came from the hormones. They were done, mission accomplished so they stopped pushing me. Horniness is a on off switch and I've been reminded of that with a game too. I'm no longer interested in the story or the gameplay, I busted and it's done. I'm not interested in anything right now. I'm spent, I'm tired from a week of wacking off, I'm disappointed, I'm not hopeful that in the new year I'll do better. As soon as the hormones come back I'll listen to them not to the person I am at this moment. This person will be just a memory that doesn't really communicate the real feelings of nutting. The lethargy, pain, brain fog, genital pain, headache, disinterest in everything, no willpower to get out of bed, disappointment, despair, sadness, irritability, anger.

I was so giddy and excited while I played this game, I was waking up like I was a kid on Christmas morning, eager to jerk it to this hot hentai jrpg. But ultimately I busted to it and now I don't give two shits about it.

11/10/24

15th coom of the year. NNN is really turning out to be a big failure. The whole end of the year was a mess, I'm extremely horny and I forgot how to say no to porn

02/12/24

16th coom of the year. I didn't really go full into watching porn again but I kept telling myself I'll just tease myself. Well of course I know all porn watching leads to busting but I still believed I am in control. I was proven wrong, for the hundredth time. I did not expect this coom, it came out of nowhere, handsfree bust like many before. I have to stop going there man, I need this to be the last relapse. I'm going on a downwards slope, at least I went three weeks instead of a few days, I got out of the downward spiral. I actually visited the page before, today, in order to remind myself why I'm doing this. But the hormones are too strong, I'm a slave to them. I'll have to say not to myself or I'll lose my mind

31 dec 2024 17th coom of the year

Last day of the year started with a wet dream, it was so fucking hot. I was fuckin the fleshlight that was inside this kinky bitch's ass. So of course the chaser effect put me on a spiral, first I played 6 hours of the porn game Aurelia. Didn't jerk it. Then I drove around listening to orgasm compilations. Then i had to wait in my car so I watched 30 mins of pmvs and I couldn't hold it in at a classic favorite. I was shaking it felt so good. Almost as good as the one from last night. That's what I'm talking about, this shit can be godlike. Anyway, of course now I don't want anything to do with the game, I could be listening to orgasms but I won't. I'm effectively asexual until I'll be back here again. I'm sure of it. I'm not quitting this anytime soon. It's too good to quit something like this. Beats EVERY real life experience including real sex

New year new me amirite? I waited so long for this imaginary reset. We'll see how it goes this year with the pussy spell. If anyone's reading feel free to place bets on how many relapses I'll have this year. Happy new year smh

I can already feel the urge telling me to have a peek, just a quick look at a pussy, you know, to get my hear rate up. No busting, just enjoying the forbidden fruit. But I know once I look, it will be over. The whole year will be done for and I'll barely control myself after breaking this new year seal

I owe it to my childhood and adolescence to kick this addiction. If I can't go back and see how my life would have turned out if I hadn't been gooning daily, the least I can do is stop this year. For good. I owe myself that. It's not like I'll be happier with porn, I already went that way. I feel the urge to coom but I really think this time I'll kill myself if I relapse

COOMED.

Didn't need a minute. I'm done. This year is lost

>>142718

>This year is lost

That's silly. There's still 10 months left in the year. How is that lost?

>>142721

the imaginary barrier is gone, thinking this year is a clean slate and I could be free for good. Just right now I'm fighting with the idea that I should just look without cumming. But I was never able to do that, in more than ten years of trying. I keep reminding myself that I am just tricked by my hormones and every lust I feel will simply vanish like at the push of a button. And I came here, I thought I should read my past entries. Thank you for visiting my personal blog on here.

COOMED

Failed again. The fantasy was too great and I am now sorry.

Of course all horniness has left me, I'm left only with the worst of my feelings. I am abandoned, forced to live with the consequences of my action.

>obvious anti-sharty bait

>get permabanned for "bot" spam and appeal denied after I explained the situation

fucking retard mods, where's my free speech, nothing I said was even illegal

like im not even a pedo, but if I was, anti-contact pedophiles are technically legal

but that's irrelevant since this was a link to the sharty

>Sorry. Tor users can't upload files on this board.

https://files.catbox.moe/167l7s.PNG

I almost busted today. It's so sad to see I have all the information about it and I still choose to indulge just for the sake of some pleasure I can't attain. I can't reach that pleasure state ever again, I can't let go, because it means I'll cum. So I just watch with anxiety, fear and stress, for that dopamine hit and that rush. Then quickly close it when I feel I'll bust. That's not pleasurable enough and that's not abstinent enough

COOMED

Busted a big fat nut to just some tits, without any warning. I can't control myself, edging put me on a sensitive state that did not need much

COOMED

I have lost all motivation. I guess there's literally no reason holding me back from cooming. I just don't care about my health, when it comes to mental state, I can fake it no problem, I've done it for decades. I think I'm not trying anymore. I'll go look for resources and try to find why I was so bent on quitting

>>142765

Why not finally move on to the new /fringe/? There are already multiple people receiving help & guidance on there with problems much more complicated and bizarre than your own. They also have designated threads for venting/blogging.

https://8chan.moe/fringe/

COOMED

Fifth porn coom of the year. IT'S OVER. This year is not looking better than the last one

>>142788

In Chaos Magick, It is said that whatever you orgasm to is what you manifest. With that in mind, I think a step you should take in controlling this habit is to eliminate the shame you feel when you ejaculate. The shame you feel everytime you orgasm is creating a self fulfilling prophecy that only gets stronger each time you relapse. If you let go of that shame, I think you'll find the habit a lot easier to control and you'll feel a lot better. I'm just speaking from experience on how I was able to finally control over those feelings and hopefully it will work for you. The shame only made it worse.

>>142790

Over the past ten years of trying to quit porn, I've had many stances about it. I had countless approaches, strategies, mindsets all from various sources, from books to videos to religions or spirituality. One thing has remained constant and I cannot deny. My life is not where I wanted it to be, nor is there any possible way to get out of my life situation. And I'm not a fat incel neet, far from it. I have a duty towards people and I can't just ghost them. So I stay. Of course, my dreams are maybe unrealistic and maybe I will be unhappy even if I fullfilled them. But the fact stands that I am deeply unhappy and I barely care if I die or destroy my health, my energy. If I have more energy it won't change the fact that I have almost zero free time, that's one of the reasons I coom so rarely, I barely have idle time.

So I realized I have two speeds, one is a depressed, low energy wage slave and the second is a high energy sex obsessed porn addict. I can't be lively and have high energy if I don't want to fuck every second young woman I see

I'm actively looking for resources to finally find the truth about sex. I know there's a chance that I find something even after ten years because it happened before with another problem I had searched for years how to fix. One day I will learn the truth, I know it. I'm open to any book recommendations, suggestions of any kind

I'll make this the only place where I share my true feelings. I have no one left to talk to, to really say what weights on me. I have not been this suicidal for almost ten years. I have gone and fucked my life up beyond repair. There's nothing in this reality that can help me, there's no time machine so I'm left with the small doses of shitty dopamine from an occasional movie, scrolling or porn when my hormones take over. I love sleeping, because that means I'll maybe have an adventure, I'll escape my shitty life for a few hours. I enjoy less things that ten years ago. The only things that bring me happiness are sleeping and listening to some occasional podcasts (friendship simulators)

>>142795

If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened that made you convinced your life completely fucked?

>>142800

I won't give any further personal details but imagine it as a long boat trip. You decide to embark on something and you never expected it to be so bad. And you're stuck on this ship for at least four years. I always remind myself to be patient and just wait for the trip to end. You can get off in any port without the ship with the rest of the crew sinking, because you are the only one who knows the controls and you don't have time to teach anyone else

COOMED

Sixth time this year.

I tried to coom today, couldn't do it. Stopped the porn with one of the hottest pussies on the planet because I realized it's getting me nowhere. I bust in less than a minute if I let myself enjoy the moment after a long streak. Two options left, to try to control myself which ruins the fun and makes me disassociate coom once. And second to bust and get it out of the system then again for fun, which makes me a slug with zero energy and willpower. I'm stuck in this reality that will not let me win. There's no winning with porn

COOMED

Seventh time. So the once a month average has been broken again. I guess I was not planning on this but it is what it is. I love pussy too much when I'm pent up by unshot cum. Then I feel empty, like something is wrong. I have zero positive feelings or sensations after. So the rush, the pleasure is just a small moment in time. And I know that, and I choose to pay the price, every time

After almost ten years of trying to quit porn, I've realized that nothing I've experienced in this life has brought me lasting happiness or peace. Not porn, not vidya, not family, religion, relationship, success, work, hobbies, meditation, reading, learning, friends, nothing has stayed with me over the years. I'm perpetually unhappy. And I keep trying to find excitement where I did not find it, for decades. Only because the hormones are telling me it's the greatest thing, it's godlike IF you don't cum

Please, if anyone is reading this, try to help me. Put a link to a place where I can talk anonymously to someone. I have no one IRL, I can't see a semen retention thread on /x, discord nofap servers are pozzed, I'm all alone and have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Days are excruciatingly hard, I want to scream. It's soul crushing but I must play it like everything's fine, the second I complain about anything I get shut down, I'm the problem not this life I have. I just want to talk. I want to ask if I'm crazy when I say nothing is worth living for if you're not rich. Because you turn into a slave that's always working, no time for leisure, meditation or learning

COOMED

Eighth time. I kept telling myself that I will be left with nothing once I cum, I kept lying to myself I'm willing to pay the price. Well now I'm paying it and it's hard. It seems like I've completely fallen off the wagon here. It's the sixth month and I already came eight times. It looks like I'm not quitting this anytime soon, no matter how much I pretend to know how bad it is. When I want to bust, it's only good, no bad. The monkey brain is very strong on me

>>142820

>>142640

>>142820

8chan.se/fringe/

COOMED

Ninth coom of the year. It's beyond over at this point, to reach my revised goal of one cum per month I'd need to abstain until October at least. Which is a three months streak, it would be my third three months streak in ten years of nofap. I coomed at my favorite porn game, which kept me from busting for hours on end. Coomed fast without any satisfaction. I got proven once again how I'm chasing

>>139574

>>142826

anon i coom like once a day ur doing very well trust

COOMED

TENTH COOM. IT'S OVER. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO OCTOBER AND KEEP THE AVERAGE AT ONCE PER MONTH. I CAME IN ONE MINUTE, I HAD ZERO ENJOYMENT