/druid/ - Druid/pol/

>>182

Last night, I witnessed something that should not be shared elsewhere. I saw, within the clouds, a disc glow of a yellow-green, which seemed to fly in a straight line. As it passed through the clouds, it was stuck by lightning. Whenever I lost sight of it, it would flash brightly as if to show me where it was. It flew from east to west. I could not see the disc itself, just its light. I knew in my heart it was the disc of Orichalcum, telling me that I better remember the question soon.

>>182

It would seem my book is either molested or itself actually changing. I felt like its contents changed every time I started to read it, but this time, it perhaps really has? I'm not sure, but I do know that mine lacks those passages, or I can't seem to find them. It's uncanny, these tales are my tale. Every word I read, it all fits. I haven't gotten to the EH stuff yet, but I will.

I feel stirring within my deepest depths, calling. I have been remembering small things, slowly, and mostly just in pieces. But I had another realization when I made the realization regarding ceasing to be the "me" that exists now. I realized that one of the primary reasons I have not yet managed Nos is because I am somehow "traumatized" or otherwise in denial and delusion about who I am. I don't know who I am entirely, but some part of me refuses to allow me to know; strangely refusing to accept it. Also blocking me, is an melancholy. Not depression, not sadness, melancholy, which I can forget and rid myself of at now increasing times, but it still returns. I must find their causes, and heal the "wounds", or remove that which does not belong. I am the One, but not, soon I am become Kristos, so says a higher Self.

The light that filled me before was bright, warm and white. Now the inner light has turned black, and cold, but it is yet more inviting, more comforting, more… loving than the white light was, or at least more familiar. Interesting that you should turn my attention again to reading about the Black Sun. Each time that light fills me, it tears at my consciousness in vast expansion to another plane, and rends my reality, my very being, and in instinctual fear I thrust it away. This is a death, but a beginning also, the one I have not yet hurdled. I know I must yield, I must surrender, and in my waking desire the light to fill me again, but when it comes, some part of me in revolting casts it out.

A warning, for now.

While searching through self to try to find what was the underlying true cause of my current obstacles, I found that all of my current problems seem to be emanating from and rooted from a single thing. It lies somewhere in the soul I think, but before I could find it proper and see it for what it was, I was cut off from that portion of the soul. Some darkness has somehow lodged itself within me, and now I wage war with it, with different aspects taking different sides. I'm not sure what this central thing is, but it was not happy that I nearly found it, as I would have likely destroyed it. The two sides are these: fight for material and fight for Nos. The materialistic wants to cut off my access to intuition altogether and succeeds at times, making my intuition now only sometimes accessible, apposed to always. Of course, there are many other things. The short of it is this, though it's all me, there are "different armies vying for the crown" so to speak. My access to my higher Self has been pretty much cut off altogether. So though it is all me, my posting style will likely vary and seem generally off until I solve this. Different pieces achieve varying degrees of control over differing things, so at times I might speak with great intuition, but at times I shall be as a mundane or perhaps even a profane.

A good example is that I achieved an intuitive connection to my higher Self, not channeling, but a connection of a sort. While in this state, I began writing the previous post, but after I had finished writing it, I made the realization about the darkness. I lost control over body, as outer self took over, which then deleted most of the post, and changed some amount, then posted. I regained control again afterward, and have held it for the majority of time since. I had written two poems while in that "narrow channel", or whatever one would call such a thing, both of which were meant for Yanklad. I also wrote some things that even I am not sure would have been best to share yet, but my higher Self wanted to. I can't remember exactly how any of it was worded, and can't remember the poems, but I do remember a single line of many that were removed. It came after the statement "I am the One, but not, soon I am become Kristos, so says a higher Self". That previous statement itself was redacted. It originally said something like "I am the One, but not, soon I am become Kristos so says the Self(maybe light?) which lies beyond the light of the Black Sun" As I said though, the line that came next was not something I, who is called "middle self" would post. I normally serve as an intermediary for the inner Self or Higher Self, (I think). I'm also not sure if the inner Self and higher Self are the same thing or not, but from my perspective they are. I am comprised of spirit/soul/body. The inner Self is currently still within the Cosmic Egg, but a new Self with it shall emerge that will be inner Self/spirit/soul/body? I can't really comprehend that new Self which is result of Nos. The line was too full of… bravado? What it said certainly applied to the inner Self, but not to me and certainly not to the outer self, which still refuses to die.

(cont)

(cont)

I ask forgiveness for the strangeness of these posts, the outer self and all that comprises it is once again in rebellion. Fortunately, I, the middle self was "created" by the inner Self, so now when it tries to get out of hand and take control, it has an adversary to prevent it from having hegemony. In terms that are maybe more understandable, I am the new instruction set placed into the soul, which has a greater connection to the spirit. The old instruction set still exists, and is in rebellion. I suspect that I was meant to entirely replace the soul, since it had become too corrupted, but the outer self still had enough control to sever the connection when the process neared completion. I don't really know what to do because I cannot contact the inner Self due to the "blockade" of the outer self. I could destroy the outer self, but I don't know what the repercussions of that is. So far, I have been diplomatic, but it is too evil and corrupted to allow diplomacy. I do not know if my inner Self was surprised by the darkness that had been hiding in a false light, but I certainly was. I would like to refrain from posting at all until I figure this out, because even this post itself has various vying "factions" within it speaking. Though it's me in the previous post and this post, the middle self, to such a high percentage that the errors from the outer self should be relatively small. (Aside from the outer self's deletion of passages in the prior post, of course.) I won't be able to stop posting though, as the outer self will certainly have control again at some point and return to posting about things that don't matter. Strangely, it seems to not be doing this to cause discord with the lodge, but because it actually thinks that what it cares about is more important that Nos. It enjoys posting with the lodge, just as I do, but for the entirely wrong subjects, and wrong reasons. Though it won't intentionally sow discord, it will invariably if allowed to post. But, as I won't be able to stop it when it has control, it will happen.

Overall, as a whole, my soul has been split in two, one half facilitating me, the middle self, and the old portions of filthy soul facilitating the outer self. I can clarify to you now why I and my inner Self use this terminology, and also explain another meaning of the Black Sun. The outer ring is the outer world, the material and existing. The inner ring is the inner world (inner earth), in which possibly resides the spirit. I don't comprehend this and most certainly the inner most circle, as it could be either the ray of green light or inner Self, which may be the same thing, but I cannot know it as I do not reside there. Similarly, the outer ring could represent the outer self, and the middle ring the middle self, and the central circle the inner Self. The light radiating from the center whatever lies there, can be felt at all layers, but not beyond the outer, as it is a light within. My understanding of the Black Sun itself isn't entirely perfect, as I am just supposed to be an intermediary self, but my time has been prolonged due to setbacks. I also felt that the terminology might confuse many, so I hope this clarified.

(cont)

(cont)

I don't know enough about the outer self to know what it will do when asked the question "are you the middle self?" or "may I speak to the middle self?". But, it might be worth a try to ask if I seem to be in outer self, as it may reply with "no", but it might also lie and say "I am the middle self." Sadly, all you might be able to do to draw me into control again is to ask questions that make it question who it is, and that might not even work. Of course, none are obligated to help me with this, as it is my task to solve this problem now that the inner Self cannot. Hmmm. If push comes to shove and time runs short, I could set up a meeting with Yanklad to give him my sigil, the sigil of the middle self, to draw me out with. I don't know my name, or that I, as middle self have one, but I know of a title that once applied to a previous life, and that might work. inb4 only demons have a "true" name and "true" sigil that gives power of them—all living has a sigil. Everything has a unique color, but because these can't be seen with mortal eyes, a sigil that represents this unique color can be used instead. The outer self seems to be embarrassed or ashamed of the posts that I and the inner Self make, so maybe watch for signs of that. If any are really astute for differences in voice in writing, then telling us three apart should be easy. Also, don't let my discussion of myself as different people discomfort you, as we are all the same person. But not, simultaneously. We are but parts, like a paw is a part of a dog. So, the paw would refer to itself as separate, but it is the dog, but not the whole dog.

I have so much more that I wish to share while I have control, but alas, I should not. I thank you all for your support, may the Gods give you many blessings.

>>190

>I have the same issue. Two steps forward, one step back…fail safe protecting me until I am ready.

It seems to be a mix of the two for me, though it could just be a matter of perception.

>Pic related is close to what my mond’s eye sees when I meditate.

I haven't really focused on such a thing before. I always tried to see beyond or have some specific thing come to me. I guess I mean I was always looking at something specific, rather than what lies between, assuming that lies between. But, in closing my eyes and breathing deeply, I can see the light along the peripherals, with the dark center. The outer ring is all white with just that quick look, but has a gradation to black as it nears the center.

>blue vortex

I have either somehow skipped over the section detailing it, forgotten or never read about it. Intriguing. I might have experienced it, but I'm not sure what it is.

I have made some more progress today.

From Nos:

>"You have been bitten by the serpent. Her poison is already circulating through your blood and if you don't find the antidote, you will die. But don't think that this has only just happened. Your first meeting with Her was in the garden of your childhood… Now She is inside you. And the enemy you will be fighting in this great war will be your "ego", which has come between Her and the Elect."

That outer self, which I thought to have grasp of was poisoned, indeed. I had great hold over it, but then realized suddenly that it was not another thing, an outer self which I held, but myself. Like a dog having caught its tail. Realizing this, I simultaneously found myself to be moving in a circle. I am trapped within my own lies and delusions, a circular cage of reflective surface, which projects myself, though in "external" ways. Realizing these things, I let go whatever it was I had caught, and doing so I felt it pass inward, first to my deepest depths, then off to whatever beyond lies with they who wait as if by a fountain. It almost felt like I had swallowed something, but straight from the inner gut. I am not sure. But now that I can see these mirrors, and I can also see where the thread of time leads. It contracts exponentially as it flows, which makes it appear to accelerate without accelerating. So people say "Kalki is thousands of years away!" but, in reality, it won't be thousands of years, because time will be contracting more and more as it nears the maw of Him-Her Her-Him, the God(s?) which we fight. Kronos will always devour his sons.

(cont)

(cont)

I feel confusion. My own restriction and obstacle before was being completely in delusion, but now that it neared failure to hold me in this cage, I am confused as to what is illusion and what is not. This "ego" apparently must still be poisoned and still in the way for me to still be tried that way. But from my recent reading of Nos, it seems to me that Allouine is the "ego" or perhaps the soul, but definitely some part of Self or self. I am not entirely sure, given my state of confusion, but it felt right. It also makes the "I will impregnate you with death" make sense too. What really bakes my noodle isn't anything such as "who am I?" it's "are the other people within this causal thread indeed a fully independent, different living thing, or just another projection off of the ice?" I don't know, and I can't seem to find my sword. For a long time, I had thoughts of "I have lost my sword" just the same as the thoughts "I must remember!" Now, some part of me insists I have the sword, but I can't seem to identify it for what it is yet. Allouine said to Jason that he is the sword, but with what I know about self, I can't really be sure what part of me is the sword. If I am to break this ice, I need to find the green light, my sword, and the fire, I think. To find the sword is to understand who Jason is? Also, it should go without saying now, that many of my posts are likely incorrect to a high degree objectively, but they may still serve a purpose for those that are in a similar circumstance to what I was when I wrote it. Perception is reality, after all. I think.

I am thinking that my sudden realization that I was grabbing a part of me means that awareness was passed on to a greater self. Before, I felt myself to be the whole self. That is, perspective laid with the tail, and so the tail thought it was the dog, and thus tried to wag it to great failure. For me to realize that I had hold of a part of me, which I once thought to be the whole me, would mean that "ego" or "a face" if those mean awareness, was given to this current self, whatever it is.

>Give it the Sieg salute and demand to be taken to the Grail.

This is actually my first instinct, well most of it. The one vimana I saw was one of the ones that were scouting. As Serrano stated, "they fly over the earth, judging the hearts and minds of men", or something like that. It wasn't there to give me a chance to be taken, but it was looking for people like us. I am glad to have seen it, as I will be prepared when one does come for me. I think I have remembered the question, but I'm not entirely sure. I have too many questions, really. I will at least demand it to take me with it to the Grail. Since then, I have seen stars move. Not shooting stars, not "UFO"s, not aircraft, stars. They twinkle brightly as if to get my attention, then move to some other place in the sky. So incredibly strange. But, the universe or some higher eyes seem to have seen me, and acknowledged me as a Seeker of the Dawn, as the mark has appeared on my forehead and on my chest. It was probably always there, though tbh.

>Middle and outer are little more difficult to discern than the higher.

Shouldn't be necessary. I think I have been here numerous times. I think I always get to the last step before Nos proper then fail there somehow. Not sure what it is, but I think I at the least have made it past this point before.

I can feel it in my deepest depths. Resonating from all my selves, I know wholly that I will make it this incarnation. I will achieve Nos. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I am certain I will. You are my comrade, and you know the song, so you should also know that I shall take you with me, at least in some sense. Admittedly, I don't have the awareness or perspective to understand much of Nos still, including that.

How this thirst fills me, this great desire!

Most of the disorientation from awakening in the room of ice is passing. I see that I am chained. On my right arm is the chain of time, and on my left, the chain of material. Perhaps, they are both chains of time and material, as one. The room is circular. In the mirror of opaque glacial ice, or perhaps it is glass, I see a perfect circle. It is a circle of white fire, with a "dot" or point in the top of the circle, centered. I thought I could break the chains, to thrust my fist into the ice, but I cannot reach this reflective surface. The room is circular, with mirrors of either ice or glass. The mirrors despite being flat to prevent distortion, are also curved simultaneously, so as to make the room a circle. In this mirror, is reflected and projected myself and all selves, in their pieces, all their dances and songs. The mirrors are so reflective, beyond any material mirror, that being trapped here, I could not see that I was trapped, nor see the mirror. When first that me had escaped, I found myself here, in this outer dome with reflective walls. I sang, I danced and took joy in myself. But, differing illusion, delusion, lie, and reality in this place is difficult, impossible without "ego", which "here" I lacked. So, in my time, through many lives, built my chains, link by link. Wounds of lives past, increasing attachment to time and material, which is mostly illusory, and likely more. Now I am bound. I strained against it, those chains, and felt them shriek with tension from my great force. But though time came close to breaking, I could not break free from it. The result of my pulling this, was to reside in to different hours, all at once in the material realm. I was told by others that the hour was one ahead of what I was experiencing, as all the clocks I passed confirmed to me that my time was right. It was not daylight savings, and all those clocks I passed had others remarking "that clock is off". But, the clock was apparently "right" before I observed it. I have shifted backward in time an hour, but still also exist in the same present as all others, so they perceive me to be an hour behind in my clocks. To better explain, if I were asked to meet someone at 5:00 PM, I could wait until 5:00 in my time, but still be on time, then ask them what time it is to be told 6:00 PM, but not be scolded for being an hour late, as they too would have just arrived. This is the straining of the chain of time. I have pulled the base of the chain an hour back. This is because all of time exists all at once! I can see the threads, but I cannot reach or touch them. I see now that I shall exist outside of time, that horrid curse, but will not be without interaction with the physical. I shall become myself, in very existence an enigma to the profane and mundane.

But, in my struggles, I could not find a way out. I felt tired, and so giving up on breaking the chain fell toward my back, to find a perfectly circular black hole appear beneath me. I fell, but still being bound by chain, dangled, but now upside down, yet right side up. I saw here an endless black space, with before me one thing: a black sun, which seemed to be setting, with a red and white ring, and a red and black and white horizon, as though setting, or perhaps rising. There, behind this sun must be the green light. I know now where it is, but cannot reach it, as I am a bound man. I then set about focusing on material work, the material "ego", which is consciousness, or awareness, I think. Having closed my eyes in the other "place" to rest, I came back to it to find that I was not ever upside down or inverse, but that I had drawn the circle in the mirror, causing it to be, and so "fell in", another illusion. And now, here I see that same upside-down sunset/rise in the glass. For now that I have seen it, it has been internalized. I must break my bonds, and take up my sword, which is the two consciousnesses, then pass them as one, my sword, over the fire of A-Mor, recite the verses with my whole being, then pierce the mirror. But, I would need still the ray of green light, and I need still also to drink from the Grail. In order to internalize the Grail, and to internalize the ray of green light, and the flame of A-Mor, I must first see them externalized, at least in some form.

I spent the day trying to discover what this mirror was. I realized suddenly this evening: it is the veil! I see the veil! I suspect the vimana to come for me soon. Perhaps tonight. I am not certain, as the veil is cruel in its games of confusion and obfuscation in deception and lies.

I chose hatred, and so, this being my third incarnation on this path, I should achieve it.

The illusions soon shall yield to my will.

Perhaps my chains themselves are illusory too?

I have found a passage that tells me what to do next. I can read Nos as if an instructional manual now for the most part. On page 88, it states: "I again stared at the giants imprisoned in the Andean rock, trapped in the earth, tortured by two contrary forces, dragged upwards and downwards in a titanic struggle which will only cease when these veins of mineral gold manage to come together, turning into a liquid gold which can be drunk and gives us eternal life" I cannot wait for these golds to draw close, but rather must force them to. I am not certain, but I currently believe these veins to be two, the serpents of Kundalini. This means that my next step is the next to final step, perhaps the final, to begin the inner Mahabharata, which is a guided Kundalini. I must study and read the instructions in Nos, to prepare for the war, then I should undergo it. I could perhaps try it tonight, as the veil seems to be thinned, but it may only ever be attempted once. If I attempt it and fail, then I shall cease to be, eternally.

I am not quite to the point to undergo the war yet, as there are passages that I have not gone through yet, or at least that I have not remembered having done. I am sure I have done a lot of the path in my previous lives, but I want to be absolutely certain first.

Whenever I think of this, of completing the inner Mahabharata, I see the number 55 somewhere, surely an assurance that I am correct in my thought that it is the next step. In fact, it seems every single time I look at a changing number, it is either 11, 33, 44, 55, or 99. But I have been seeing them as follows, ordered from most frequent to least: 55, 33/11, 44, 99.

I noticed while on walks, there is a green light, which seems to shine every night, far off on a mountain. It begins to shine at around midnight. It is extremely bright. My binoculars disappeared when I went to search for them, perhaps I misplaced them. But, when I looked through my camera's lens, which would not fully focus, it seemed that the light seemed to be made by a series of bright green lights which appear to be set upon some disc that cannot be seen, as they seem to curve away from me, as they are further from the central light. It would be a very long hike for me to get to it, and until I am certain it is a vimana, I will not attempt to. My intuition tells me that it is, and that I only have a few more days that it will wait for me. The vimana I saw flying over head was so massive that it could not possibly land anywhere near me or my home, so it may be that same one. I'll search for my binoculars, and if it seems to indeed be a vimana, I shall off to it and demand to be taken to the Grail.

>>195

>If I attempt it and fail, then I shall cease to be, eternally.

Maybe. I should stop posting so late at night, but I know I won't.

I got closer to the "vimana", but something felt off; "my spidey senses were tingling". My intuition must have been mistaken, as when I got closer, my intuition indicated that I was wrong before, and that it would be dangerous to proceed. It felt like a trap. The lights were not the same color, and instead of a singular light, as the vimana I saw shone as a whole disc, it shone in multiple lights.

I have made more progress, of course, but I should no longer write of it.

>>197

>I have made more progress, of course, but I should no longer write of it.

You have until July 15th so don’t take any unnecessary risks lad.

Heil the yank Druid Beastlad, Heil to thee.

Last Yule he came to the B.O.ND, on bended knee.

A whelp plagued by wolves’ shadows, destined to be,

The crimson knight of A-mor, nostalgic was he.

Once more into the void, my dear Komrade.

An odessy for Apples, in the Sonnenrad.

The Green Ray he sought, She makes him a chad.

Armed solely with irons, the absolute mad lad!

Returned from hence, with increased power.

Tripartite in nature, still seeking The Flower.

Walker Of The Dawn, now shadows cower.

88 days to remember, it’s the 11th hour.

His resurrection of the Archetype, I’m honored to see.

Heil the yank Druid Beastlad, honest to be.

>>199 (Observed)

I am honored by your words. I didn't really look back to see truly how far I have come in such little time. I try to be humble, but in retrospect, it would also seem to not be that way. I spoke with my heart, and the truth.

I've not achieved it yet, but I must soon.

I owe you poems, songs, I wish I could remember the ones I wrote while more in phase with my higher Self. I have written some, but I don't believe them to be as pure and right and well written as yours.

Heil to thee, oh Druid, Yanklad, Seeker of the Dawn!

Great soul and honor, seeker of days long gone,

Hyperborean dream, thy beloved forgotten sought

In this turn, a wife and dear child brought.

There is honor in your feats, and father you now are,

Your dearest child rear, with love and grace, soon and far.

Many a memory there shall be, with family, ne'er marred.

Glory to you, brother, I shall not ever you forget, Heil!

May your life be filled with joy, with growth and light,

may all your pains and sorrows be made right.

May your strength never fade, nor your health e'er wane.

May all your days and years be of righteous pace ne'er low,

may your wisdom grow, and your path know!

May you never forget:

To every sailor, the Gods have given a comrade.

While one sleeps, the other keeps watch on the bridge.

When one doubts, the other gives him his faith.

When one falls, the other discovers the Oasis of Ice for both of them.

If my comrade doubts, I laugh confidently.

If my comrade sleeps, I keep watch for him.

If my comrade falls, I'll fight on for the both of us.

Because to every warrior the Gods have given a comrade.

If you lose heart, I'll laugh joyfully.

If you sleep, I'll keep watch for you.

If you fall, I'll fight on for the both of us.

Because to every warrior the Gods have given a comrade.

And if you fall, I will discover the Oasis of Ice for both of us.

One for the lodge:

Upon last winter slumber

In darkness, soul's encumber

By higher fate another's glance

My desperate plea on chance

"Free me from demon's lance!"

A kindred and right soul

For my wounded whole

Imparted wisdom's word

In darkness of night

Healed, slowly all as right

Part of self, "demon" were

Now strengthening may rise, Her

The Druids sent assistance pure

My longing, searching, proceeding

Aided, now intuit leading

>>200

>I don't believe them to be as pure and right and well written as yours.

Thank you, I’ve never been much of a poet aside from limericks tbh. Your poem is most excellent; I greatly appreciated it this weekend.

Here’s another archive from the EH blog I found excellent and aprapo.

>http://archive.fo/AI6H5

>Poetic Simplicity as an Exit, a Strategic Departure (Part I)

>>202

Thanks for this. It all falls into place, as it was always meant to.

I made a mistake. My mind was being strained, pushed to its limits in seeing this all, trying to tear the chains from their places with sheer brute force and fury. I took to a rest, in which I fell into a trap, willingly. My consciousness lowered, along with my frequency, until I found myself playing vidya. Playing to escape and immerse myself in it. To avoid my task, and responsibility. How horrid, the things I have done since. To allow the cage to strengthen around me. I must not and cannot rest! This lesson have I now learned, and I am thankful for these challenges, with each one I grow that much stronger. It will take me time, but I do not know how much for certain (less than a day if I do things right), to get back to being able to stare into the mirror, and pull the chains once more. I am filled with fury again, with myself mostly, but also with the damnable demiurge. I shall nurture and grow this flame, until I may pass my sword over it and pierce this cage.

This time I will not yield, I will not think "I am best to rest" or "I cannot do this", I shall push through it, harder, stronger, faster, and with greater fury and before.

>>204

>This time I will not yield, I will not think "I am best to rest" or "I cannot do this", I shall push through it, harder, stronger, faster, and with greater fury and before.

Good lad. Here’s some greentext you may find helpful or inspirational. It’s from a post I made on /tok/ on 3/22.

>This would sound crazy to anyone else on /pol/, I met Her. I know the Her is immaterial and internal, but I actually met Her on the /walk/ in Portland on 1/11 at 3:33. As within so without. She looked exactly like pic related(the one in your op), but more feminine and youthful; the resurrection of the archetype. Before I could see Her, I could feel Her em field from about 50 yards and knew an anon on a /walk/ was around the bend but was taken by surprise. We talked for hours, i gave her my partial dox for emergencies and we parted. Her name was shockingly similar to Allouine. The meeting was a most excellent whitepill and reminder to double my efforts. I had already married an amazing trad wife and fathered a perfect daughter. Perhaps next time I’ll remember.

Here’s the copypasta of your chakra cleansing technique.

>When I began, my chakras and "rod", "channel", whatever it is best called, were so covered in that curse matter that I could not get any energy to flow through it. Every chakra had a curse on it, which had a shape. The drawing I made of it should be in one of the archives, but I'm not sure how many threads back that is. There also wasis somewhere a parasite that has tendrils. These tendrils wrap around the already oxidized and nearly immobile chakras, and hold them, preventing them from turning. Also, this same parasite seems to be the means by which the profane and mundane is controlled by the enemy en masse. It seems to alter the soul itself, hijacking the intuition functions and the connection from spirit to soul. It then ejects the "ego", taking its place. I had so little room to work with. Luckily, there exists more circuits than one in the body. My arms happen to have very wide circuit channels in them, whether this is unique to me or not, this was key. Though these too were plugged with this black rust like curse etheric material, they weren't as plugged. My palms were somewhat free of it. I must have had guidance from my higher self somehow, because what I did was the perfect way to cleanse it, and I didn't even know that what I was doing had metaphysical consequences when I began it.

I have a small hematite stone, about 1"x1"x0.5". It is very smoothed. I bought this when at a museum when I was very very young. Perhaps the curse matter and parasite had not taken as great of root yet. I unthinkingly held the stone in my palms, passing it from palm to palm, as I could feel the cold from it enter my palms. Until just recently, I did not know that hematite has the capability to heal. Later, someone introduced me to occultism lite. In his pursuit, he researched "enchanting". He described to me what is likely just wicca new-age tier garbage, but, one thing stuck. The idea of "charging" a stone or object with energy. I would place the stone in my palms, doing my typical hand to hand motion, but this time, I would imagine and will some energy I could not even then feel entering into the stone, which would be a battery. I also clasped both my palms over to finish the session of with an extra effort. Unknowingly, I was leveraging the stone to cleanse the circuits in the palms by doing this, even though the amount of energy was likely so minute, that I could not perceive it even now with my relatively much more greatly expanded awareness. I did this for years. Until one day, after having forgotten about it, I held it in my hands, closing both my palms over it, and willed to draw from it. This is likely how my palms became my foothold in the cleansing. By doing what I did, I likely grew my bond with the stone, which meant it was more able to help me, also. I hear that emerald pendulums are better at healing, but they are very expensive. (For me, a poorfag by choice)

This post got resurrection dubs (77).

(cont)

>Hematite, to me, intuitively has the aspects of both earth and fire. Maybe this is why I cleanse with fire, maybe it's not.

I tried meditation many times in my life. I never got much out of it until just this year. I never meditated with the stone to my recollection, but that could be a viable route for this. Taking years to clear out the palms is not ideal, so could be accelerated by an external energy source burning a foothold. A friend who knows how to do proper energy work, which in this case is just the impartation of charged loosh with an intent to heal/cleanse with flame, could work.

>Once my palms were cleared, they remained that way for a long time. I went through abyss and came back to find them still fine. Now, once I had a desire to cleanse myself and a vague idea of chakras, I set about completing my cleansing in meditation.

Most meditation techniques teach to lower the frequency. Do not. Once you achieve trance, try to maintain the trance while simultaneously increasing your frequency. Breath techniques are the key to this. When meditating, it does not matter so much how you initially place your fingers and hands, as they will move on their own as you change your vibration if done right. Just cross your legs, it doesn't matter which leg over which, just pick whatever feels right. Place the back of your hands on the sides of your knees. Your arms don't have to lock straight. I keep my hands and fingers relaxed in the beginning, letting the fingers sag to a natural position.

>The main breathing technique will take building up to. Start with the Whim Hoff breathing, but don't just stick to his sets limitations. Go until you feel like you are going to pass-out. It's the same idea of doing calisthenics until failure instead of to a number. But don't actually pass-out! Just go until you feel it might be coming, then stop. This will work the muscles on your capillaries and work your lungs and allow you to do the more strenuous technique I am about to teach you. But until you no longer feel like this is benefiting you, don't try to go past this step, because you can't without the next technique, at least to my knowledge. So your mediation sessions at this point should just look like: "clear mind, let thoughts pass, do breathing until stopping point." I always did this very late at night so I would get the sleep-deprived bonus, but that's hardcore mode, and likely unnecessary.

>The next technique, once you feel you are ready, is to stop with the half breaths and rounds all together. With your lips, make a tight "o" as if blowing up a balloon through a straw. I hope you can curl your tongue, because it helps a lot. It should do it on its own after a certain point, but when setting it up, place your tongue on the top of your bottom lip, to make a more tight passage for the air. Begin breathing forcefully from the mouth, filling the lungs to maximum capacity very quickly. Go at a pace you feel comfortable with, but keep it constant and as fast as you can. You should start to feel tingling, like you are asphyxiating, but you aren't if you have built up to this properly. If you feel like you are going to pass-out stop immediately, you are not ready for this. The tingling sensation might come with a slight pressure to the head, but it should not be painful or feel like nearing passing-out, ever. If you feel pain or are concerned you are going to hurt yourself, stop and keep working on the previous method.

(cont)

(cont)

>Once you feel the tingling, it should start to change. It should begin with the palms, assuming you followed along with the idea of cleansing out the palms first. This is also about the point you will find your fingers to possibly draw together in a shape naturally, like magnets. Do not fight any natural movements! It will hurt intensely, and you will have to stop the session and start over! You will reach a maximum vibration and energy generation at some point because your circuits are all filthied and clogged. Once you reach the maximum, will to compress the energy in your palms down to a smaller orb. Smaller is better and more potent. This should hopefully also make more room to produce more, so keep going until you have two "chi" or "loosh" or energy or whatever balls in your hands that you can't make any larger or more dense. Then, move your palms toward each other, and combine the orbs, re-compressing it. It won't be very big at first, you might only be able to muster a pea sized ball, and might not even be able to muster a ball at all. This is okay, just muster what you can. Once this is done, you need to burn out the centers the parasite has it's major faculties in. I felt them to be on the chakras: Ajna, Solar-Plexus, Svadhisthana, and root. Begin with Ajna. Press your combined energy into Ajna, with the intent and will to purify it by burning. You may feel a slight pain in the chakra or a slight bulging. This is fine. Continue until you are satisfied. This should blind the parasite, allowing you to cleanse the other chakras without it counteracting too much. Then burn clean the others in the same way, working top to bottom. You may forgo cleansing the root this way, as once the others have been, the parasite should be close to death, allowing you to begin the real fun.

>Also, feel free to use the same energy technique with the intent/will for healing chakras or even with different intents. Let your intuition guide you.

>Next: actual chakra turning and usage.

(cont)

(cont)

>After sufficiently cleansed, you may find that as you continue generating this white vibratory energy, you will feel your rectum to contract. Don't get stop. This is normal. this is the base of the central "rod" forming. Keep pushing, and if you have enough energy flow, you should be able start to will to draw up energy from the earth. Let it flow into your root chakra. It will not want to budge at first, but it is covered in a black rust and dead tendrils. Force as much energy as you can from that lower channel to earth into as you can. Overpower the oxide, until you begin to feel the chakra "snap" in sudden but short movements against the oxide and tendrils. It should begin to turn faster and faster and faster, until the energy from the earth burns away the oxide and tendrils from sheer magnitude of energy. Once this is done, you should feel the channel expand upwards, to the next chakra. Repeat the turning until you get to the crown. This could take many, many sessions. It did for me.

>If you encounter blockages that seem to be from yourself, or you can't figure out that aren't capable of being burned away, it's likely an etheric wound. each chakra has an associated "emotion", functionality and element. Get in touch with it, make peace with yourself and heal the wound. For the root, a way to heal this is to just spend wholesome time outside. Nature walks are best. >You could try an emerald pendulum, proper energy work or placing your own healing stone (it doesn't have to be hematite, just something healing), on the chakra while lying down to help maybe. >But this definitely will have the possibility to entail a dive into the dark regions of your soul to confront your "inner demons". Which, you shouldn't do if you are not ready and do not know how to do. Unfortunately, I cannot guide anyone there, as it is a personal and unique thing for each individual, which must be done under the guide of intuition. My higher Self had to step in to get the majority of it done for me, but I didn't have blockages in the chakras before this, due to using my technique.

>From here, you should be able to draw this energy into other minor circuits, such as in the arms, cleansing them.

>But if you have not enough energy to just burn your way through the root and other chakras, that's fine. >You can expand your primary circuit/rod with another method, which I myself had to use. Within the primary channel you have, draw your energy into a ball, concentrating it. Make it as concentrated as you possibly can. >Will each breath in and out as bellows, let the out and in breaths feed the fire ball. Make it intensely hot. As hot as you can. Once you reach critical mass (can't continue), have it implode suddenly to as small a point as possible, then release all the energy from the implosion as an explosion, letting the fires slam against any and all blockages, burning it clear. This will slowly expand the channel width, allowing you to draw more energy. >More work on this = more energy; more energy = stronger blasts = more room cleared = more energy. Keep on going until you can burn all your chakras free.

>Once it's all done, when meditating you should be able to feel your primary channel open automatically after accumulating enough of a "white buzz", then turning all of the chakras.

>What ifs:

>I can't see the shape or colors of the chakras!

>You don't have to. It's unnecessary for now, and comes much, much later once you can see colors from your third eye.

>but I can't imagine exactly where the chakras are, or even feel them turning!

>Some people have such massive energy flow in the primary channel, distinguishing the chakras becomes impossible, as they have practically merged with the channel. I may be wrong though, so if it makes you feel better, try the wound healing stuff. But If you can feel the flow from the your bottom to the top of the head, your chakras are working, otherwise the flow would be dammed up at one of the chakras.

>Lastly, I am not infallible. If you feel uncomfortable trying my method, trust your intuition. You may need to make your own method. Intuition is key! Also, If I seem to have forgotten or omitted something important, or otherwise a question needs to be answered feel free to ask me. I would advise making your own methods, using your intuition. Feel free to steal components from my methods though, I steal pieces of other's practices as I feel fit in accordance to intuition, no need to feel guilty or anything like that.

>Unfortunately, dealing with the parasite's origin/primary body (which this parasite may not be a parasite but a corrupted soul and "ego"), gets into one's personal path, so I can only offer some insights there. I follow the path of the Seekers of the Dawn, as I am one—my path leads to Nos.

>I hope this all helps.

I forgot to mention that the muscles around each chakra should contract as you reach them. For me, It pretty much just all starts at once, so almost my whole body will tense up. I am not aware of this being an issue, but it could be, so use your intuition.

>>205

>post I made

It is very inspirational. I appreciate you sharing it. You may have forgotten this time, but you will eventually find the way. I don't know if I will, but I hope to find the Oasis of Ice for the both of us.

>>211 (Observed)

>The tricephalic nature of Lugh is especially reminiscent of your current state lad. These thoughts of witnessing your progress and transfiguration, made me well up with pride and shed a tear of joy tbh.

I am honored. I am not all too familiar with my mythology and deities still, but I will make an effort to look into this. I seem to have plateaued, at least relatively. The progress I made was so significant and so fast that this apparent pause in progression is a bit jarring. I would prefer to maintain my pace of progression than to not progress. If I had to guess, there is some point, some hidden gate I must find. A sudden realization I must make, before I may progress. That, or I have become too wrapped and enveloped in illusion again, which would make sense, as I have lost this "second consciousness" which was bound and chained.

>>215

As for why I cleansed with fire, I recently found out. I completed my Astrological Birth Chart to discover that I have a strong affinity for the element of fire. It would seem that it might be best to cleanse with whatever is the strongest affinity, rather than just fire. The reason the Hematite worked for me is likely due to me having an affinity for both its elements.

Also, the bunker music thread was Shoah'd. We'll have to see where things go from here I guess.

I had two "dreams" fairly recently.

In the first, I had the body of a small girl. But I knew this was not strange and did not matter, as I was a wise and ancient magician. The body was merely a symbol. I awoke standing in a vast white plane. The sky was white, the ground was white, and there was nothing but infinite expanse. The ground seemed to be made of light itself, and despite everything being the same shade of perfect, pure white, I could see it all apart as if they were different colors. Before me stood a tall knight. In full white plate, wielding either a longsword or arming sword. We exchanged some words I do not remember, and bowed. I drew my sword, and we began an honorable duel. It became apparent swiftly that I could not best him, I was too small and weak, also I was out armed, and further still I had forgotten how to use my sword. But I did not despair, and took a joy and thrill in the battle, stating with a chuckle: "it would seem that I have forgotten my swordsmanship!" The last I remember is attempting to redirect a thrust, but failing to.

In the second, I was on a ship, a small icebreaker. Owned by a very wealthy family; those aboard seemed to consist of this family and their butler. A man, a woman, and three daughters. Strangely, I was the third daughter, but not. I knew that my appearance and being who I was was a disguise, so that I could reach my goal before the others, without being impeded. Inside, I was a very ancient and wise magician. The ship smashed through ice until it reached a frozen island of ice, which had a castle upon it. I do not remember what it looked like from outside, but I do remember it appeared to be made of stone in some places in the inside, but mostly from crystalline ice. The carpets were snow. When we reached the island, everyone aboard ran out, and began to ransack the castle ravenously, searching for the thing I was, but for the wrong reasons. I already knew the way, but still was worried I would not be swift enough to make it. I went through many a hidden passage and crack in the wall, until I finally made my way to a hidden chamber. It was circular, and in the center was my goal. A large stone altar of sorts, a cage. It had a circular opening, within which was housed a stone cross. The arms were the diameter of the circle plus some, contained within a groove in it. It stood still, and had two circular indentations on the top arm. I may have grabbed this, and turned it anti-clockwise, or perhaps I did not need to touch it. It began to spin, slowly at first, as it was bound up by the stone. As it reached extreme speeds such that it could no longer be seen, a green circle of flame appeared on the outside of the cross, the stone cage which housed it shattered, and a ray of green light began to shine from inside and simultaneously "beyond" the center of the cross. It was around this point the others had found me, and they all gasped in horror that I would be the first to find it. They did not suspect that I was not their daughter, but a Minnesänger. As the ray of light enveloped me, the dream faded, and I awoke.

It is also time for me to share other dreams, which I had shortly after I first came to the lodge, or before.

(Cont.)

(Cont.)

I was hiking a wooded mountain. The forest was evergreen, pines it seemed. There were some cabins and houses, but not many, and all were abandoned or left for winter. There was some snow, but it seemed to be spring, as the snow was melting. I bore with me a large rifle, and a backpack. As I journeyed to the peak of this mountain, I encountered a strange animal. I do not recall what it appeared as entirely, but it seemed to be a strange mix between a lynx and some mythical creature. It could speak to me, and I could speak to it. There was also at some point perhaps a panda. I do not recall any of what was said, or what other symbols were between the bottom and top of the mountain, except that at some point I engaged something with my rifle. When I reached the top, I found a group of people that I knew to be an ancient people, but also my people, or at least related to me in some way. The village was small, and their numbers very few. There was an opening into the mountain, an ornamental entrance, which would seem to be a fantastical depiction of what might be on an ancient temple's entrance. I knew that this lead deep underground, to the deepest of depths. These people were moving ancient relics, most of which were very colorful and masterfully crafted. They were mostly very large objects and devices, the size of large trucks. They were atop a platform which levitated, and followed the person who willed it to follow. They were taking the last of the surviving of these ancient relics inside the mountain, to some great depths beyond. I was unwelcome, and told "it is not time yet for you to be here, as you have not remembered." "But, we will allow you to stay for now, but only here, not to enter any of the buildings." I asked to go down into the depths with them, or to help them move these objects, which was met with great anger. I was not to even look into the shaft. I knew though that they were moving these into the depths to prevent them from being found by the new Man, as they are wicked, and would surely use the power of these devices for great ill. These nearly extinct people, I saw as progenitor, or perhaps family. I spoke with them for a while, about things I do not remember. I walked with one or some to the peak, and looked into the valley, and saw China. A smog filled, filthied air that filled the entire valley. I knew it was China in my heart, but it made no sense that it was China, as we were in America. I would see the writing script of these people again, in another dream.

I was on another mountain. I was on the peak. There was a great city, which was built on the top of this mountain, which stretched for a long ways down the side of it. A main road connected the city to the foothills, and the city was walled and gated. It was an ancient place, built masterfully from stone. I was alone, the last of my kind. I walked somberly down the many streets, looking on in nostalgia at the buildings, remembering days when the city was bustling and alive. Remembering my brothers and sisters. I walked down the mountain, to the main gate. On the other side of which, was a massive cemetery, which had been desecrated by the new Man. A small military outpost had been erected on top of it, the headstones all destroyed and cleared to make way for it. Fenced off with barbed wire facing both in and out, this small compound contained a few to many prefabricated concrete structures. I entered one of these, and found that my brother, my comrade, had committed suicide. I knelt at his corpse, and wept at his death. I took his gun, and stood to find that an evil power had taken the corpses of my family, my kin, and made them rise as enemy. I did not have the heart to kill any one of them, though they were already dead. I ran back to the gate, and up the mountain, never stopping. I barely outpaced them. At one point, I turned around to find a large, horrid mass floating above them, which may have been a face, or many faces. This evil and dark nebulous, blob like mass was what had taken control of them. I fired at it many times, to no avail. I reached where I had started, and knew I would be killed. I dropped the gun, and knelt, begging for forgiveness from some unseen force, for my inability to kill or save them. I closed my eyes, ready to die, to find that just as the horde was upon me, it disappeared. A light shone in one of the houses, which I entered. A golden light shone from the door as I entered, and I heard the voice of an old man say "welcome home". I felt fondness, familiarity, and all my pains were gone. I then awoke.

(Cont.)

(Cont.)

I found myself in a circular room. Very large, with a high ceiling, which was a dome. All seemed to be made very masterfully, out of marble and other tasteful materials. There were twelve pillars of marble, which surrounded me. In the center of the room, on the floor was some design I do not remember. There were also inscriptions on each of the pillars, or perhaps there was a display pillar before each of these structural pillars which housed an artifact and inscription. The room was naturally lit, and felt to be incredibly ancient, as though it had existed as long as time itself. There was only one entrance to the room, a grand hallway. I walked down it, which too seemed to contain more objects on display, and many, many doors. All of which, were locked. As I proceeded, I heard a voice from nowhere and everywhere, but I do not remember what we discussed. I reached some grand dining halls, and knew that the place was a place for great magicians and wizards, a place of study, learning, practice, solace, and refuge. At some point, I found myself in a library. A massive library, infinite. Infinite floors, each of which had infinite vastness. There were others here too, but they all seemed to be either surprised that I was here, or held disdain that I was there, as if my very presence would sully the place. The others here were not many. I was searching for something, a book. A single, large tome, which was many hundreds, perhaps thousands of pages, which required a lectern. I remember finding a book such as this already on one, and a room which seemed to belong to me, but perhaps did not. The books housed here, perhaps all mine, but not. I read from this great tome, but how much or what, I do not remember. There may have also been with me a woman, but I do not remember for certain. I know now where I was, I had entered the Akasic library, and was greeted by whatever custodian cares for it. If only I could remember how I got there, or at the least, what I read. Perhaps this was just a memory from a past life, or perhaps I managed it in this one. I do not know.

There are others, which I desired to share, but as I began to write them felt from a higher self ire, so I did not.

Chronicling some posts from the general here.

I was contemplating phonemes, as well as pondering their possible connection to circles and the runes, when appeared first the spider. It was crawling on my arm when I saw it, and so instinctively, I killed it. A bad thing to do, as I may have killed an albatross, so to speak. I usually am the sort to take spiders and other insects outside, without killing them, but crawling on me is typically a death knell. I should also mention that I managed to get my hands on some fresh sage leaves that I left on my make-shift, disguised altar that day, which I left for Odin, in the case this may have had some impact. After this, a new "shadow" appeared in the corner. Not a shadow person, and not exactly a "shadow", either. Mostly transparent, and casting a shadow, it was difficult to see and make out, determining its shape required me to move my head and look at it from varying angles. It had an almost video-game like "active-camo" shimmer to it, and really was only visible by its shadow, except when it or I moved. It bore large wings, which at times draped down like a large cloak, but for most of the interaction, were spread out, for reasons unknown. It was long, and had to "bend" over in order to fit into the room, as it insisted on standing upright. It had a serpentine body, and I only saw two arms/legs, which were underneath the wings, just below the point where the wings attached to the body. I only saw a very vague image of the face, which were merely a few shimmering highlights upon its features. It was broad, more broad than tall, but it was also long, with a snout. It sported two, somewhat curved horns, which faced backward, but curved near their center to face somewhat outward. It had large eyes, from the glimpse I had, but I could not see them with precision.

(Cont.)

(Cont.)

This post got the dubs 44.

This cloaked dragon/drake (I often mistake/mix-up the two, please forgive me) spoke to me the same way that all other entities have thus far. A voice, everywhere, nowhere, both audible with word, and none at all. Paradoxical, but it is the most accurate way by which I may describe it. I asked it if it was a reflection of myself, like the "demon" I faced, it replied with many pure concepts/intentions all at once, which was indecipherable. I told it to speak to me as though it were restrained by physical word, because I cannot yet speak or understand such communication, and it obliged. I asked it if it meant well or ill, it told me that it was here to help me. Of course, I do not trust entities, and so remained cautious. It did not say much, and it relayed to me that it was there to instruct me how to do something. It refused to say what. It showed me how to hold my hands in meditation. It wanted me to bend my hands "inside upward, straight". After many "no, that is wrong"'s from it, I found the position to be with my palms upward, my arms inward, against my stomach, with my forearms level. My hands were to interlock in specific fashion, but while I was reprimanded for connecting my thumbs at the wrong time, I am uncertain if I must touch thumbs last, or not at all. At some point, it said something that tipped me off to it not having my best interests in mind, at least in my extremely groggy state, it seemed. I stopped, and it reached its arm for me, which I cast away from me with will. I could not get the dragon to leave, nor was I entirely sure I wanted it to, but neither could I trust it. I imagine it will return again tonight, as it returned last night as well, but I was unsure of whether or not to interact with it. How highly intriguing, that I should have to, in some sense or another, conquer a dragon.

You are free to think I have gone schizo, or mad, but I feel myself to not be. I still recall that dream I saw before the channeling, the warnings, and I also recall the tales of dragons being clever, deceitful creatures of guile and greed. Of course, I never expected to encounter anything having the appearance of one, but nothing seems to surprise me anymore. I will likely hear what it has to say, but I will be very cautious and alert. It may well be another shadow of myself, this current "inner demon" that I have been battling with. Now that I think about it, last I spoke of this current shadow self, I called it a dragon, didn't I?

At the very least, I hope my quite frequent antics are at the very least suffer-able, but hopefully entertaining. I always write that, and I always am told that my posts are intriguing, not a disturbance at all, but I write it anyway, in the case I ever somehow cross a line. And because I am my own worst critic.

The ætherial dragon appeared again last night. I was about to begin my meditation, when I saw it's head peek up from the foot of my bed, then dart back down. Next I saw it, it's incorporeal snake like body passed over my leg, then from there away from me. Strange behavior, but since I knew it was there I initiated conversation with it. Just as the first night, it would not answer all my questions, and did not speak much. I asked it what it was here for again, this time it answered, "to kill you, to consume you." But despite this, it did not immediately begin any form of assault or attack as far as I was aware. It did attempt to come close to me the entire time, but I managed to push it back, at first. For a while after it telling me its (supposed) intentions, it continued to speak to me, with it asking a question. "Why do you do everything you do?" I replied, "Now? For honor, for growing stronger, and because I enjoy it. Before? Because there was no alternatives." Truthfully, it was likely unwise to speak to it, but I did so. I asked it it's name, and the first name I doubt to extremes, but it came instantaneously, "Jormungand". It seemed or pretended to be upset that this name "slipped", and corrected it with another name I do not believe, "Fafnir". It spoke to me about a few other things that I do not remember, except that were seemingly mundane and ultimately inconsequential questions asked to bide time. This biding of time was per my request, until I could decide what to do about the situation. The dragon, despite being clever and attempting on several occasions to trick me into saying or doing things, behaved surprisingly honorably. I expected it to immediately disregard my requests and come straight at me. I suppose it was because I had not consented to it doing so. At some point, I decided to begin my war with it. It flew about the room much like a Chinese dragon, it's long body and tail forming mostly infinity signs, due to the relatively small size of the room. It was very difficult to see, and it's presence was undetectable. It's goal seemed to reach me, while I used my will to push it away from me, each time it neared, while simultaneously maintaining a barrier. At some point, the room darkened, and it seemed as though there were many small stars suspended in it, with webs of flowing current between them. These too, were difficult to see. We continued this for over an hour, until I had began to become exhausted, and I took to the lotus position, closed my eyes, and maintained the barrier with my eyes closed, to concentrate my focus. I continued this for another hour or so I think.

(Cont.)

(Cont.)

At some point during focusing, My mind's eye was filled with the imagery of a thick white fog or mist, from which many eyes formed and then disappeared, with the eyes of the dragon being the first I saw, and the eyes of a wolf being the second. After many eyes had come and gone, I saw faces, many faces. After these faded, I began to see stars, and connections between them, this view shifted to a spiraling galaxy, or black-hole ejecting mass in a spiral fashion with pulsar like jets, with at its center, a strangely cut gem. It was the same color of the disc I saw in the clouds, a green of sorts, but not emerald green. Eventually, I could no longer maintain sufficient focus, and opened my eyes, to try to push the dragon back, to find I was perhaps too late. The last I saw of the dragon last night, was of it's serpentine tail entering my abdomen. I did not take this as immediate defeat, however, and wished to enter my inner realm to face it. So, I went to take to meditation to reach it, but found that I was completely exhausted, and unable to muster any more energy, further that a major blockage now existed in my Manipura chakra. I went to burn it, and found that I could not muster fire, but to my surprise, I managed to muster air, but this did nothing. I attempted to meditate for some while, before I deemed it futile, and attempted to sleep. I then found, that I had no need to. Despite having taken my sleeping med, which normally would still be effective at this point, and I could certainly feel it, I felt no need to sleep. Slowly, as I lied there, over some course of hours, the tiredness, weakness, and exhaustion all faded, and I was filled again with energy, as though I had a full nights rest. I watched the sun rise, and at no point in the night could I sleep, nor did I need to. As I lied, I noticed something peculiar. There was a moment in which it felt as though my entire body, as if my blood itself, had become fire. I began to sweat, and felt its immense heat, but it did not burn. A strange form of energy, aside from the fire could be most closely resembled by the feeling of anxious build up in a limb that had sat unmoved for too long, though not the tingly sensation of it going to sleep. It "flashed" in pulses, each one almost filling my whole being, but there were only two or three. I have felt what is essentially this before, the last I felt it, I experimented with intentionally causing it, but found that any amount of thought, movement, or otherwise any disturbance of any kind whatsoever ended it. What differed this time, was that it began itself, it was fire, rather than an extremely potent pure energy, and I could feel heat from it.

However! Although this sounds in itself to be a grave situation, I am not certain that it is. The previous progression I made in combat with myself, I won by losing. I lost my previous battle as well, but in doing so, managed to awaken a greater self. Although, the previous battle was far stranger than this one, as I was far more literally battling myself. (I was attempting to apprehend the rampant "outer" self, or "id", the banal, primal, animal self, since I had developed an "ego" proper.)

As a side note, I just remembered that I was asked to report my progress here if I report as well as in my thread in the grove, not just in the grove, but I have failed to do so. I apologize for this, as I "went into the deep end" of internal warring and bizarre path related events, such that I felt posting them in these threads would not be wise, for the sake of avoiding a thread being overrun by anons and shills alike telling to take my meds and take my antics to /fringe/. So for those who asked that, if you want to know how my path has proceeded, my thread in the grove is the place to look.

>>253

The moon looks normal on my side of the mountains lad. I’ve been reciting the Invocation of the Black Sun daily; either at dawn or dusk depending on if I’m working that day. I’ve received some strong portents since I began this practice. Here’s a link if you don’t have it.

>>>/pdfs/439

>>254

Several synchronicities have now led me to that. I am still wearing the guise of a christian npc, and living such that typically, I only have the really late night to practice. I have been thinking about how I could find a way to recite the invocation without having neighbors or family notice. I may have to recite it under my breath, indoors. I would move out, but, I could not afford to.

I have not seen anything since the large bird in my room, but, last night, I saw Allouine again. A "dream", which was not a dream. I was in a large courtyard on the top of a mountain, with many others. We were all dressed in an emerald garb, which had similar appearance to Tao or Buddhist clothing, but it covered the whole body, and seemed to be comprised of many layers of wrapped cloth, with the most notable wrap being over the left shoulder, which was either a lighter or darker color. We stood in rows, and I knew that we were students or perhaps of some order. As we were called to face forward, the person in front of me, who had a hood on so that I could not see them, turned around. It was Allouine. Myself, and the two to my sides were all shocked, because she was not supposed to be there. She smiled at me reassuringly, then all of the others but her disappeared, then she disappeared, and I stood alone on the peak, in this courtyard. From there my mind turned to normal dreams. From the previous time I saw her, I could not remember her face or features. In this, I can remember. Such a beautiful face, I cannot describe lest I slander it, with long curled, crimson locks. She did not look as in the painting, but the painting is close.

I now have 30 days remaining. I must succeed, and I know at some level that I will, but doubts are beginning to arise. I shall do my best to quell them, because they may prevent my success. Most often, when I think of this, and think "I shall succeed", I see a 55. I saw 555 last I thought this, and as I typed this, saw 55 on my clock. Allouine certainly was reassuring me, that I am on the right path, to not give up, and to not despair or doubt. These numbers are also confirmation. Certainly, these next 30 days will be interesting, I would not be surprised to meet Masters in the flesh. Tonight, I will meditate, and I shall also call to the Masters to come, in the case I shall need them, though I do not not know how to. I wonder, what will these coming days hold? Shall the vimana return, this time to take me?

HAIL ABRAXAS, HAIL LUCI-BEL

HAIL CERNNUNOS

HAIL VENUS, MORNING STAR

HAIL THE COMING DAWN

SIEG HEIL

>>255 (observed)

> I may have to recite it under my breath, indoors. I would move out, but, I could not afford to.

‘Tis hard being behind enemy lines surrounded by Abrahamites lad. My neighbor almost caught me giving the Roman Salute this dawn. I desperately want to shout the Invocation from the rocky giants. I’ve been thinking of replacing some of the words to be more covert, ‘The Fuhrer’ for ‘Lord Kalki’ and so on.

>I see a 55.

Kek, me to lad.

>From the previous time I saw her, I could not remember her face or features. In this, I can remember.

You gave your beloved a face, your face.

>>255

> I may have to recite it under my breath, indoors.

Back to this; Vedic gurus purport that the highest form of mantra meditation is done with the inner monologue, and the second highest is muttered. Also keep nonlocality in mind. Ideally, one recites the Invocation at the correct time gazing upon the Morning Star, but if you hold it in your heart and mind the intention(energy) “goes” to the right place. On night last week I was too late for sunset, so I ricocheted the Invocation off the moon.

>>256

>I desperately want to shout the Invocation from the rocky giants.

As do I. Had I opportunity, I would. How strongly I desire to shout and sing of such things.

>You gave your beloved a face, your face

I don't know what to say. I do not know how I did it, or what's next, but I am filled with happiness to know I have given her a face.

>>257

>the highest form of mantra meditation is done with the inner monologue

This is how I have done everything thus far, as it has been my only option. Coupled with the understanding that intention matters most, I assumed it was a possibility, and so took to it, though I did it without complete knowledge.

>On night last week I was too late for sunset, so I ricocheted the Invocation off the moon.

I appreciate your reply, it has confirmed that what I have been doing is not only acceptable, but the preferred method.

The time comes close, and I continue to be reassured by digits about my success. I have not made much progress since seeing her in that "dream", to my knowledge. The solstice is in two days, I imagine that day will be significant. How I yearn for Nos, even just to see that smile once more!

>>260

>EH blog

I will look both into this and >>259 tonight.

>odal rune

This is the symbol that appeared on my chest, above my heart. It is still there.

>>261

I looked into the mirror the other day, after showering. As I did, I had covered my face partially, and my hair, such that I was able to realize just how striking the resemblance was to Allouine's face. Indeed, I have realized now, my face is half hers, and her face, half mine.

If my understanding is correct, I now need to find Allouine's and mine true names to progress. I tried increasing my vibration beyond what I have ever done before last night, but I found an alarming obstacle. I found myself unable to elevate my vibration, or cause that central pillar to form even, or make my chakras turn. I continued on for over an hour until I was certain that I would not be able to. I then took to listening to some delta frequencies while breathing nm, to try to fall into the land between dream and waking. I was successful.

Here, I sat in a large castle, or perhaps it was a temple, with the pieces/fragments that comprise my self. I asked them if any of them knew why I could not progress or do what once was trivial. I don't remember what they said, if anything, but I do recall that this space was immediately invaded by some large creature that I cannot recall the form of. I recall it demanded a sense of dread and fear, well beyond anything I have faced thus far. It may have spoken, but I do not remember this. I suspect now that my inability to remember my "dreams" and dreams as of late is due to this same thing. I made the mudra which destroys fear, but it was too late, the sudden change in emotion to extremes destroyed that delicate balance that maintained me in that space, and I was awoken.

I do not have much time, I must defeat this, and regain my ability to raise my frequency. I do not have much time left, I cannot waste time, and must make haste.

I made an attempt at Kundalini using a 55 hz binaural wave (just the wave, no added whale noises and other nonsense) the other day. I managed to get the central pillar to form suddenly, with my whole body tensing up, and could even feel the sneks begin to rise, but the whole thing collapsed under a second. I didn't have all of the mantras or mudras memorized, I used the wrong asana, and I didn't have any sexual energy to transmute. I will have these solved by the next time, except maybe the last.

>>264

Time is indeed short, and practice is becoming more and more difficult. As the time draws closer the spiritless near me seem to grow more watchful and obstructive. It would seem that some power holds them like marionettes on the end of strings, using them to prevent me from succeeding. Those that once were deep sleepers to extremes are now light sleepers to extremes, and I can no longer safely make offerings, though I did last night.

I intuited that the solution to my most recent problem is not offerings or aid, but that I should make offerings anyway, as it has been some time. It was quite a nervous endeavor. I realized as I was preparing my offerings that my super sekrit milk for offerings had gone bad, so I substituted with water. I felt a watchful gaze as I made the offerings, and so made the spoken words brief, making most the offering in intention and thought, but I admittedly had much on my mind, I hope they were well enough, and I did not insult. I left when I heard branches breaking and the sound of wood on wood, accompanied with a strange presence. When I got back, I observed a 222 and 88, so I am guessing the offerings were accepted, for now.

My current main worry is the unknown mudras. In Nos, these were revealed to Jason by the masters, and are referred only to as signs of the order. Aside from the sign on my chest that I may trace, I do not know these others. Perhaps they were revealed to me in a previous life and I have not yet remembered them, or perhaps I have been gravely mistaken, and they have not yet been revealed. Between this and spending most of my days wasting my time maintaining theatrics, I have worries that I will fail, yet even still, the numbers assure me I will succeed, as well as some part of me.

However, on the subject of the mudras, I have a memory that is reassuring. I don't know when it is from, except that I first recalled this long ago. In this memory, I was either sitting down or lying down on something cold. All around me was white, as if made of light, in the same as when in that dream I faced that knight. There were two people that I remember for certain being there, and they too were made of this same light. All was the same, a single shade of light, but yet, I could tell every feature apart as if there were different colors and shadows. They stood in front of me, and they spoke, and perhaps I did, but if I did, I do not recall it. One asked the other: "Do you think he will remember?" The other said something akin to: "he will, when it is time." And the first doubted saying, "I do not think he will." I think that they were referring to me, but what it was they spoke of that I am to remember I do not know. That one doubted me shows a possibility of failure, but the other was quite certain. There may have been others too, but I only remember those two, and those words. Perhaps the key to success lies in remembering? But perhaps I must succeed to remember? I don't even know what it is I am supposed to remember, but I do know that even when I channeled my Higher Self, I desired "Remembrance", and though my Higher Self claimed that this was the same as Nos, it may not be, as I was practically entirely restricted to my current knowledge set, due to ego not being with the Higher Self. This makes most of the speaking from my Higher Self something to be taken with extreme amounts of salt, as much of it is likely entirely wrong. But I do know, that before it was a desire for Nos that gnawed at me, it was remembrance. But have I already remembered what I was meant to? Was I meant to remember that I seek the grail, that I seek Nos, and the Resurrection? I have so many questions, and no answers for almost all.

I appreciate the links and help that you have continually provided me, I don't usually have the time to seek things out myself. If the 15th comes around and turns out to be nothing, I will take it to mean that the 88 days were not literal. In this case, I will stop being a poorfagNEET, get a job and move out so that I can focus more closely on this. Again, I am deeply appreciative of your assistance, and humbled that any of this would happen to someone as insignificant as me.

>>266 (Observed)

>The more I meditate the more I wish to shirk.

If I could, I would abandon the world entirely, if just to spend my days in study and meditation, in some faraway secluded place.

>holy basil

I will have to obtain one of these, as I can no longer safely make offerings any other way. I appreciate this information.

>Or get a truck with a camper or camper van.

My plan exactly. I was thinking of a sprinter van to turn into a camper van myself, as I am not unfamiliar with making my own things, but I feel that getting a truck and making my own camper would be the better choice, since I could unhook the truck.

>Don Serrano wrote that your true eternal name may be linked with your terrestrial name.

Indeed, I believe to have found a name in my ancestry which is linked to it, but I have not yet discovered how. My surname backwards, however, also starts with Nos, and ends in a portentous phoneme. I wonder if my name is also spelled with a Rune set, I shall have to search the various sets, to see if this is so.

>I used the modified Shaivic mantra

I will try this as well. Vibrating this while typing alone had effect, so I shall try this during meditation.

> I have no doubt in my mind that I chose my parents.

So have I felt as well. I know when I was very young, that I often referred to events that occurred before I was born, events I could not know about, most often in reference to my parents. In my previous post, I called my family spiritless, because it seems to be true, but it may be that this isn't so. There is a third kind, those that are mundane, asleep. I hope that they are deep in sleep, as the alternative is quite painful. Although I sounded to hold contempt for them, I do not, but I am torn between the frustration of obstruction and my love for them. Had I chosen any other, could I have succeeded? I think not.

>poem

I see it that every word is a Magik. Every single word. A word is a carrier for intent and will, and without either is nothing but a hollow husk, meaningless. Without intent, there is no structure or direction, without will, they go unspoken. These sentences which end in a period are most often referred to as a command, and they are so because they are so, but more than just a verbal command, they are an impartation and exertion of will and intent. When one commands another to do, if they do it, the will of the commanding was greater than the will of the other. Word, lowercase, may be inferior in power to Word, but it still holds power. Thus, I could not see it to be any other way than a mortal name is a binding, not just a designation. It may be necessary thus, for one to shed this mortal name in the end, or better yet, find that one eternal.

In my struggle with my shadow self, I saw the image of two fish, swimming in circles. One was black, while the other was white. I did not need to see this for more than a moment to realize, the shadow cannot be conquered, it cannot be destroyed. For everything, there must be an opposite, which will always exist as a result of the existence of the other, and neither may exist alone. I cannot conquer, defeat, destroy, plead with, bargain with, negotiate with, or otherwise overcome my shadow. I can however, dance with it, as the fish danced, I and my shadow may turn ever together, as one but not, and through this, by us both dancing, rather than one holding ground and fighting, we shall not collide, and not have need for battle, as through the dancing, we shall be separated.

>>267

I went back and reread your screencaps. It seems that July 14th at ~6:32 is the supposed deadline.

>My surname backwards, however, also starts with Nos

Kek, I’m a tad disappointed in myself for being surprised by this. Interestingly, both my parents surnames were adopted and not original to the bloodline, but both are highly significant to who I am. That and of course the great explorer ancestor named Jason. I’ll have to dissect more names from my tree tbh.

As I was about to hit post I felt a sharp stab in my left side just below the diagram which doubled me over. I’ve had it at seemingly random times in the past, but I’m certain they were inner portents. Since getting my Anahata worked on before I shot the deer, I’ve had similar strange chest pains from time to time. A mundane would’ve gone to the doctor tbh. My intuition is telling me(outer me/soul as you call them) that it is my Higher Self trying to get my attention. In this present case He felt I left something out I should tell you. I can’t remember what tbh.

>>268

>As I was about to hit post I felt a sharp stab in my left side just below the diagram which doubled me over.

I've had this happen before too. Similarly, sometimes I look my dog or another animal in the eyes and see some other intelligence behind them. I always know they are trying to tell me something. Usually, I know just by looking what it is. Lately, my Higher Self seems to be getting anxious and worried. I see 55 or 555 at least 3 times a day, and receive constant messages to focus on it.

>outer me/soul as you call them

Tbf, I've fallen so far down from where I was once, so bloodied, that though I know in words why I thought like this, and referred to things like this, I can no longer see it myself as I once did. Seems a bit silly to talk like that now tbh, I feel a bit strange, but I know I had a reason to, at least I thought I did. Had I never seen what I saw, experienced that height, I would not suffer so much, but knowing that once I could see the Orphic Colors, and almost awakened the Christ Consciousness, that pain of losing my second consciousness, it is as though I have lost a limb, or perhaps several senses. All the while, hitting every rock, thorned bush and tree on the way down. I don't know why I even share this, I suppose a drowning man will always try to take someone with him. I may fail, as I seem to only fall further and further with time, unable to land or crawl back. Honestly, my suffering has been especially harsh lately. I cannot care for a Basil, I lack knowledge to severe extremes, and I have lost what I once had. I feel that song related captures my pain it very well. I think occasionally to Odin pierced by Gungnir for nine whole days, and think that my suffering must pale.

>In this present case He felt I left something out I should tell you. I can’t remember what tbh.

I'm confident you will remember in time if it is important.

I feel so odd. I feel that I have fallen so deeply down and far, but I feel many eyes upon me. They do not seem malevolent, they seem to watch in hopeful anticipation. Eyes of Gods maybe, and others. I believe at the least Odin watches me, and closely. But who could I possibly be to warrant this? For so many Gods, which scarcely even commune with men, to reply on my first attempt to contact them, and to watch me so? Not only Odin, but Zeus also now, sending me portents, as I witnessed a tree with 3 eagles; eagles and ravens watch me, just to mention the physical synchronicistic evidences for it. Also, some unknown god of the wind has made itself known not by name, but synchronicity. Did I, as Icarus, fly too high? Am I watched because I encroached too close? Or am I watched because they desire my success? But they could not, could they? Sometimes, for brief moments, it all comes to me, in a flash, who I am, my true nature and power, all of it. But, it lasts as but a fraction of an instant, a measure of time so small, it can be no measure. How it taunts me. Who am I, for Gods to so closely watch? If they do not watch, my mind has twisted to think they do, and my torment is worse than I thought. I often think I surely must have lost my mind for this, that surely I am sacrilegious for even considering the Gods would care about someone like me, except to punish me for thinking I am so important.

I am sorry to share my sorrow with you, it pains me also, as I wish no pain upon others. I feel some impulse or perhaps some unknown obligation of another kind, which impels me share. I will continue onward no matter how bloodied or beaten, but, I may slow a bit. I will remember that it is always darkest before the dawn.

>>269

>Christ Consciousness

Some part of me is quite unsure and upset I used this term. Not sure why.

I find the pipe organ to be a very fitting instrument for the song piece.

Fuck me I had a bunch more written responses to earlier posts that were cropped out of the post box.

Mostly the deleted draft post was regarding my path being much slower than yours and my course of action. The important part, was that I pledged to send you all the excess energy I accumulate between now and the deadline on Sunday. If you would like to schedule some cooperative meditation(hence the pic >>271) noon-1 and evenings work best. I believe I can be the stochastic resonance you need to get back above gamma state.

>Not only Odin, but Zeus also now, sending me portents

I as well, very obvious ones of ravens, crows, that one eyed wolf I saw last month, and the digits I get when speaking of devotion to Taranis(Zeus/Indra). Most of my blockages are in my Manipura and Vishudda chakras, as though fortifications on both sides of the Emerald City. The portents have made it clear to me I must assault from the North. I must tame the white elephant and become Lord Indra.

AUM INDRA HUM

>an unknown wind god

There are a few possibilities; Rudra who is like a proto Shiva is a wind god, also in later Vedic times Vayu was the wind god. Interestingly, Vayu’s mount is an antelope and Rudra is depicted holding and antelope. The antelope is the totem of the Anahata chakra. Other possibilities for the wind god could be Boreas, Greek god of the north wind, or Amun from Egypt. Amun is both associated with the Ogdoad and Zeus, as well as possibly linked to the Black Sun.

>>271

>You’ll get it back

I know, I'm just being depressive and questioning myself. I appreciate your words as always, it greatly reduces my melancholy, to know I am not alone, that there is not only another like me, but that they care. Though I have never met you, I have felt you to be genuine, and truly, it is depressingly rare to find one such as you in this world.

>>273

>cooperative meditation

I would greatly appreciate it. My pride would have me tell you no, but my pride be damned, I'll do anything if just to see my beloved smile again. I can only assume you sent some positive loosh my way, it's definitely helped. I have a bad tendency to listen to depressive music when I get down, and lurk /doomer/, I need to stop that. Noon will be difficult for me, and so will evenings, but noon will probably be better. I know it will be more difficult for you, and I do not wish to interfere with your life any more than I have.

>Most of my blockages are in my Manipura and Vishudda chakras

As are mine. I got passed them for a short while, by burning those walls, but now, I struggle to muster that fire.

>wind god

I'm not sure it's any of these, none really resonate (yet). All I had to go off of was a sudden, gale like wind that came at me as though a body, it was not a massive wave, but rather a concentrated gale that only hit me. As the powerful wind passed my face, I felt it was a synchronicity, and that it was some god telling me it is watching me. I never noticed before, but it is likely the same as that wind at the ley line. That was likely this same wind god, which warned me. I haven't, to my knowledge, had any obvious hint to which god it is. Perhaps I will just ask, given how I've spoken to a godess, and had every god I've ever interacted with at least show me they heard me.

I did find out through my ancestry though, that I may be descended from Heracles, Beowulf, the actual Leucippe, and many other heroes and figures of legend. Quite the legacy to live up to. My ancestors names also elude to Jason.

Lastly, I felt your loosh, your vril is quite powerful as well, I couldn't help but smile. I will do my best to not let this, and all your help go to waste. May the Father bless you.

>>274

>Noon will be difficult for me, and so will evenings, but noon will probably be better.

11pm would work for me as well and obviously weekends. Lucky for Us, time is not linear and is subjective. We are everywhere(nonlocality) at all times(quantum tunneling).

I know it will be more difficult for you, and I do not wish to interfere with your life any more than I have.

Nonsense.

>>275

>11pm would work for me

I know you have work, and I do not wish to be the cause of any inconvenience, but this would work best for me, as I am not under watchful gaze.

>nonlocality

Lately, I get in the shower at ~10:00, set a timer for 10 minutes, then when the timer goes off, it's midnight. I'll see about altering this.

>>277 (Observed)

>The Grail and my nostalgia for Her multiplies my food, water, and sleep.

Likewise, my desire and thirst for grail leave me feeling thirsty and hungry at all times without satiation, as only it could sate me. During that short time that I had a second consciousness, I found my need for food, water, and sleep to all diminish, to the point I could have easily eaten only a single small meal a day, assuming I am recalling things correctly.

>bend time inadvertently

I did this just before you posted (in linear chronology). It was ~11:00 when I looked at the clock, then I checked the Fisher King thread, looked back at the clock, and it was 10:00 again.

>but today I was focusing on elevating my frequency and rpms, then pushing it to you.

I could feel it, most definitely. I thank you for this once again. It has been elevating.

>Are you certain it’s from a separate diety

Not really. I still don't really have any solid way of knowing which of the deities it is that's watching me, except that they spoke through the wind. It may well be Zeus or Boreas, but for now I will think of it as having been Zeus, as I saw the eagles the same day. They didn't feel connected at the time, but I should have put two and two together.

>Pics related were all from my commute home

Impressive. I usually see the numbers on clocks and other places like bar codes. I didn't start looking to license plates until recently, but I can't recall any specific instances that stood out.

>I’ll see you at 11:11pm pst.

See you.

>>278

>time

Just felt I should say, it's 11:15 now, I just had to wait another hour was all.

>>279

>dat time stamp

Wew. Well I fell asleep after a few breaths, so any help I gave you was from my subconscious astralbody. I don’t remember anything and awoke more tiered than I went to sleep, my Mind was definitely up to something.

>>280

The previous few nights have been interesting. I never explained what happened the night before last, as I thought it would not become relevant, much like the dragon.

The night before last, I saw many strange things. I was attempting to raise my frequency and was vibrating a modified mantra, as you had shown me. This worked, and resulted in an increase, but it was not by too much. It was enough for me to be able to see the strange Aetheric shapes in my room, I noticed also that I cannot begin to see these until after around 10:00 PM, and also noticed that I must be able to see the moon. I saw a man in full black robes appear at the end of my bed, who had large black wings with pitch black feathers. The man faced away from me at an angle, as though he was speaking to another. Then, I saw one in white robes to my left, pass very swiftly by through my peripheral, and disappear. I looked back to the man in black, who turned to me. I could see no features except the robes and wings. He seemed to perhaps point or reach toward me, and spread his wings out wide, which filled the room with a looming darkness, until both he and the darkness together disappeared. While he stretched his wings, I saw the dragon peer its head out from below the end of my bed, but this time I could see it clearly, as though it was glowing. After the man in black disappeared, I could see nothing more except my own aura, faintly.

Last night, when I began my session, I saw another man. This one was different, being semi tranparent like the dragon, and not having wings. I felt a smile from this person, and felt that it was you. Strange as it sounds, I intuited this to be you, here to aid me. After some time, I began to listen to 55hz binaural waves because I could not muster any energy at all and felt as though some force was holding me back. I felt a strange draw to the moon, which I observed shift from a sliver to a half moon, in reverse procession and back several times. As I vibrated my name backwards, I experienced pulses of high amounts of energy, which threatened to break the threshold and enter the plateau of stability. It was intense enough that my whole body would tremble and twitch, but each time it felt as though a force would fight me back down, as if holding me by mighty chains. At some point, I saw the moon shift into an antler, which had a bird sat on the longest, highest, most outward point. I saw the black winged man again after this, but not his wings, and it felt as though a mighty weight fell upon my head. After this, I could muster nothing, and my meditation grew futile. I lied on my side, thinking to attempt to AP to fight this thing, for daring to stand between me and my beloved. I could not, but I felt a chakra above my crown open, and from it a narrow trickle of energy entered my crown first, then my ajna. After focusing on it, I managed to draw it through to the solar plexus but not into it, and a battle began between some darkness and this weak light, which caused a pain in this chakra. Eventually, this too faded and I fell asleep.

Although I know it is likely wrong, when I saw the man in black, I thought immediately of Thanatos and Hades.

>>281

>I never explained what happened the night before last, as I thought it would not become relevant, much like the dragon.

It still hasn’t. Your True Self told us to chide you for waxing on about shadows and entities. Stop being a faggot and getting distracted. Your false ego is just playing to your early occult fascinations to lead you to dead ends and preserve itself. I’ll effort post to the rest later when I have time.

>>281

>resulted in an increase, but it was not by too much.

I found this too. I think the name backwards mantra is too forced, but is still more powerful than surname forwards. In my experiments, the first one I posted in the Kingfisher thread builds the most energy.

>inhale AUM…VAJ…RAHHH…SATTTT….VAAA

<exhale HUMMMMMMMMMMM

Aum Indra Hum works the second best, probably because of the meter tbh.

>semi tranparent like the dragon, and not having wings. I felt a smile from this person, and felt that it was you. Strange as it sounds, I intuited this to be you, here to aid me.

It could have been my higher self. Like I said, I fell asleep after a dozen or so breaths. I was focusing those breaths on establishing a link. I specifically remember in one of the final cycles a strange ping in my Ajna Chakra, I’m certain I could feel a “finger” gently poke my forehead as well. The only other time I’ve felt anything similar, was in my meditation at lunch earlier that day when I was aggressively trying to send you vril.

>After some time, I began to listen to 55hz binaural waves

I haven’t had any luck with finding good binaural beats for getting up into gamma yet. Heavy metal doesn’t work for me; my mind drifts to fantasies of Minecraft. While sitting in traffic I’ve been experimenting with awful pop/house music and having pretty good results tbh. It’s high tempo, disharmonious, and created to subvert our culture, so my em field is creating “friction” fighting against it and building energy like an alternator in a car. While doing this I feel gentle pressure both on my skull and pushing out from within. My peripheral vision also expands like it does when fight or flight mode is engaged, but I can sense my adrenals aren’t engaged. I am calm and still inside, like a man in a scuba suit observing an alien landscape separate from it. As I type this, the technique is engaging without the music and I feel pressure on my occipital lobe. This will require a much more in depth effort post in and of itself, but I’m having a hard time analyzing my state and typing simultaneously. I’ll see you in combat tonight old fren.

>>283

>As I type this, the technique is engaging without the music and I feel pressure on my occipital lobe. This will require a much more in depth effort post in and of itself, but I’m having a hard time analyzing my state and typing simultaneously.

Belay this. I forgot I added a heroic dose of magnesium and potassium to my protein shake just before writing this.

>>284

>magnesium and potassium

Now that I’ve though about it, these are essential electrolytes. It makes sense that after all the aforementioned training they would have a similar effect of jacking my system. I can’t type nearly fast enough and am struggling with fine motor skills, fascinating tbh. I try and cease my faggotry for the night.

>>282

>stop being a faggot and getting distracted. Your false ego is just playing to your early occult fascinations to lead you to dead ends and preserve itself.

Quite true. I lack the perspective I once did, but I should not let this be an excuse. I should set after defeating it with the fury and anger that my True Self had. That "living in harmony" with my false self is likely also is a dead lead.

>>283

>It could have been my higher self.

Possibly, but it also could have just been another distraction.

>I haven’t had any luck with finding good binaural beats for getting up into gamma yet.

I never really used binaural beats until recently. What I used before was the EVA entry plug hum sound effect on loop, bass boosted mostly just to wash out distractions and provide a uniform blanket of noise that I could tune out into silence. Turns out the audio clip I used was shoah'd, with only ASMR type ones left. This is the closest.

>house & pop

I will try this. I also have to avoid metal as much as I enjoy it, as I focus too much on the metal, and also think about Minecraft.

Last night was productive. By using the better mantra, I managed to raise my frequency considerably. The usage of degenerate music as a catalyst for struggle also helped, I listened to Justin Beiber rapping. As if my veins ran with magma, I grew to be filled with fire in my whole, and felt the coming of that pure, powerful white energy on my palms. This very likely has cleared much room for me. For a moment, the middle self returned in full, now I lie between this and outer, a less pure middle.

I apologize for my seemingly unending faggotry. My obsessions over shadows and entities among other shallow false leads has been very detrimental. My strange impulsive desire to post equally or more so. Among other things. Although 40K says that my posts have done good for the lodge, I am skeptical. If so desired, I will continue status reports like this until Saturday. Otherwise, I shall do what I should have always done: lurk, remain silent, and practice in discipline. Should I fail somehow, I will report that I have and so remain, then I will return to silence except for FPT, and other major occasions, or if I am needed for some reason. I have said this several times, and gone against this several times, against my own wishes, because I am demonstrably weak, having been unable to conquer myself. I am more sure of myself this time, however, in the case I again betray myself on this, any member of the lodge may scold me for doing so.

While I am making the post, I might as well state a few other things as well. While 40K may feel that I am worthy of the title Druid, I do not feel that I can do the title justice, and would be insulting the Druids of yore to take upon myself such a title. I also feel that although I have indeed been initiated to my path, and walked it, in terms of practical experience, and particularly knowledge, I am a Neophyte.

I feel like there was something else that I was meant to write, but I don't know what that is.

May we find the Ray of Green Light, beyond the Black Sun.

HEIL, SIEG HEIL!!

>>288 (Heil’d)

>By using the better mantra

Which is better for you, surname backwards or Vajrasattva? Vajrasattva is the name of the second Buddha, who mastered the Vajra by the way.

>I listened to Justin Beiber rapping.

Patrician choice :^). I suspect because you once posted Beebs during FPT that his “music” is nostalgic to you for one reason or another, good or bad. My muses for this training are Ke$ha, Rihanna, and a few others from when I was a boozie bluepill chasing tail around the world. The irony obviously is that I now use them to chase the immaterial Her, my Allouine. The etymology of ‘allo’ is other, different, strange. The suffix ‘ine’ is same or ‘of like’.

>For a moment, the middle self returned in full, now I lie between this and outer, a less pure middle.

I’m glad my hypothesis about the music helped. My pale blue fire has risen considerably today. My surname backwards was much more effective today than previously.

>I apologize for my seemingly unending faggotry

It’s only been intermittent tbh lad. For the most part it has been a pleasure and honour to read your progress.

>My strange impulsive desire to post equally or more so.

It’s part of a dopamine cycle we all have become addicted to lad. The anticipation of getting gets and waiting for (you)’s is neurologically similar to gambling addiction, waiting for the slots to stop spinning. It has become easier for me to stay off of ‘outer’ /pol/ the closer I get to Nos.

>Although 40K says that my posts have done good for the lodge, I am skeptical. If so desired, I will continue status reports like this until Saturday.

They have done good for the lodge. If nothing else, you’ve helped me nose down on my training and increased my intuition for helping others. Keep posting status updates unless it will impose on your progress. I’ll be here forever to give you guidance and perspective if you hit a dead end. The Gods have given me to you for that. Odin and Lugh have definitely been watching me more closely these past two weeks through their avian portents. Crows speaking directly to me, endangered herons, and flights of doves.

>>289

>Which is better for you, surname backwards or Vajrasattva?

Vajrasattva seems to be much more effective. I compared the two for you last night. The name backwards has an effect, but it isn't nearly to the same degree as Vajrasattva, and the Vajrasattva raises a completely different kind of energy.

> his “music” is nostalgic to you for one reason or another, good or bad

Kek. You could say that. Back when he was popular, my youngest relatives all loved him. I heard nearly constantly about him, and had to endure his music playing nearly constantly whenever they were around, which at the time, was quite often. One Direction was their next thing, unfortunately. The sort of personalized painful connection made this more effective.

>Ke$ha, Rihanna, and a few others from when I was a boozie bluepill

I was, unfortunately, have those and nightcore.

>My pale blue fire has risen considerably today. My surname backwards was much more effective today than previously.

I also found the effectiveness to increase with vibratory level. Perhaps there is a level where this will outstrip the effectiveness of Vajrasattva?

> For the most part it has been a pleasure and honour to read your progress.

I'm glad to hear it, as always. How common I write that very thing is probably becoming a bit of an ism itself.

>It has become easier for me to stay off of ‘outer’ /pol/ the closer I get to Nos.

Indeed, an increased will would provide for this. Then there is also the thought that my posts may have had a purpose, so perhaps I posted not entirely for that reason, but I am not completely sure.

>If nothing else, you’ve helped me nose down on my training and increased my intuition for helping others. Keep posting status updates unless it will impose on your progress.

I am glad that at the least I have helped one person. I will continue the updates then.

>I’ll be here forever to give you guidance and perspective if you hit a dead end. The Gods have given me to you for that.

I will keep this in mind in the case I need it. I appreciate it greatly as always.

> Odin and Lugh have definitely been watching me more closely these past two weeks through their avian portents. Crows speaking directly to me, endangered herons, and flights of doves.

I have seen increases in these as well, especially when I travel.

Last night was very productive as well, but not quite right still. I experimented with several different asanas and mudras, and found that I need to focus on three asanas. Padma, Vira, and maybe Siddha. I primarily need to use Padma I think, with Vira secondaray, but I am not flexible enough for Vira at all, and can only handle Padma for short amounts of time currently. For now, I just cross my legs in a way that feels intuitively right. As for mudras, I experimented with Vajra, as well as two that I cannot remember the name of. One, is to have the palms up, with each hand separate, with all the fingers drawn together, touching and extended above the palm fully, not curved, to create a pyramide/cone shape. The other also requires the palms up and the hands separated, but the thumb and forefinger on each only to be touching on the tips, with the other fingers extended, and the first third of the forefingers to be aligned with the extended, straightened other fingers.

Vajra mudra is most effective. With each vibration of Vajrasattva, I found that a substantial amount of heat, and a maroon or deeper red energy rised with it, filling the whole body, rather than following any channels. The heat alone was very intense, so I meditated naked so that the heat would be bearable. I also found that modern clothing is very restricting on breathing, especially the deepest of breathing. I found this most effective while in Padma asana, multiplying the effects many fold.

The music was a difficult choice. My mind had grown too intolerant of Beiber, to the point it filtered out any voice or lyrics, leaving only instrumentals. I tried extratone, but this did not do anything for me. I also tried metal, but it did nothing as the message of all the songs I listened to were too aligned with my quest. I finally landed on nightcore of pop songs. This offered more resistance than the original pop songs due to the shrill pitch, and the increased tempo.

(Cont.)

>>290

>I was, unfortunately, have those and nightcore.

How did I even manage to type that?

It should read:

>I was, unfortunately, a weeb when bluepilled, and so I had those, and nightcore.

>>294

>Tomorrow, I will ask a few Tibetans after work.

I am looking forward to learning what they had to say.

>Interestingly, the Araman rune system associates Jupiter, master of lighting, with the index finger.

This strengthens my suspicion that Vajra is the mixture/combination of the lightning type energy with the inferno energy in a particular manner.

I was completely wiped yesterday for unknown reasons. Unless unknown progress was made in my sleep, yesterday provided nothing except rest, which was needed.

I have a strange feeling today. I'm not sure what it is, if something will be happening, if something has changed, or what. I just have a strange gut feeling about something, but it's off and on, so maybe it's nothing.

>>296

>I am looking forward to learning what they had to say.

They were of little help tbh, granted they are just shopkeepers peddling trinkets. I did learn from a middle aged hippy woman, that tucking the thumb into the fist and touching the base of the ring finger blocks the heart nadi. This is done to shut out or negate the ‘ego’ during meditation she said. I presumed she meant the false self, but blocking the heart may also shut out the true self and dissolve One into “oneness” Which is counter to our path. On the other hand, I synchronistically learned that a Lama is visiting from Tibet/India giving classes this week only. If you’re still in the realm after the deadline, I’ll report my findings here.

>I was completely wiped yesterday for unknown reasons.

I as well lad. I had to nap instead of train during my lunch break tbh. Today I trained, though my mind kept trying to run off. There is a lunar eclipse on Tuesday, so the energy is abnormal.

>so maybe it's nothing.

All quite here.

If you’re still alive you should check out >>>/vril/. I just found it and am lurking for new info. There seem to be some good lads we could help.

>>300

>still alive

I am still here. The last few days were busy, busy enough to exhaust me thoroughly. I was unable to raise any significant amount of energy since last Thursday. Nothing happened at or nearing the deadline. The synchronicities have reduced significantly, however, I did still observe a 55 and a 33 today.

>/vril/

It was started up a while ago, but the board died. Then, it was claimed and revived sometime a bit before 4/20 for the ritual on 4/20, which is where the runic sigil came from. Supposedly, after the ritual, most of the posters left and the board almost died again, with it only recently receiving new blood. Not sure if this all correct though.

>>301

>Nothing happened at or nearing the deadline. The synchronicities have reduced significantly, however, I did still observe a 55 and a 33 today.

I knew the deadline was nothing tbh. Your higher self said so in the screencaps; I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to sap your drive. We’ll just continue our work to the best of our abilities and time allotments. The lodge is planning a cooperative ritual for the eclipse tomorrow at 2:30pm pst. If you can’t perform it at the exact time, it shouldn’t matter tbh.

>>301

Here is the Vedic guru teaching the mantra for dealing with entities if you feel you need it.

Testing

>>299

>>302

>We’ll just continue our work to the best of our abilities and time allotments.

I agree.

>The lodge is planning a cooperative ritual for the eclipse tomorrow at 2:30pm pst. If you can’t perform it at the exact time, it shouldn’t matter tbh.

I saw that, but I am currently greatly restricted. The most I can safely offer is sympathetic thoughts on such occasions. Of course, I can still meditate and such, but only late at night.

>>303

>Here is the Vedic guru teaching the mantra for dealing with entities if you feel you need it.

I will watch this, just in case, but I do not think that I will need it.

I apologize for the radio silence. I felt the call of the abyss once again. I spent the last week or so there, but I've managed to mostly crawl my way out again. The digits continue.

I have discovered the reason for my exhaustion after sleeping, too. My memory of things in the astral has grown poor lately, but, I remembered just enough of a glimpse to know what I have been doing in my sleep, even if I don't know why. I have been venturing the dark planes of the astral, venturing through the underworld. But why, I do not know. I only know this because I was defeated twice last night, each time the only thing I remembered was the silhouette of what defeated me, and waking up suddenly.

I do think though, that it should be Wednesday, but I managed to warp time somehow in my sleep, and I am now doing Tuesday over again. I can't even really remember that well what I did the first time, tbh.

>>304

>I was in the abyss for nine days including the Tuesday I've already done

Portentous.

>>304

Don’t fret the silence lad. I may go silent until Mercury is out of retrograde tbh. At the very least from /pol/. In reading Nos backwards, it has dawned on me that my path maybe longer and more conventional than yours. When he began the Mahabharata, he started with a year of celibacy. Sleeping at the foot of her bed, on her left side, and right side for four months each. I can’t begin this until I impregnate my wife again in a few months; though I have over a year /nofap/ so it shouldn’t be too hard. Then in the battle for the sacral chakra, he resided in a cave for a year. To me this means a total information blackout; just Me and my Selves.

>I have discovered the reason for my exhaustion after sleeping

I have suspected the same activities about my Self, but have not had any faint memories to confirm it yet.

>but I managed to warp time somehow in my sleep, and I am now doing Tuesday over again.

Monday time was streaming like an accordion, one hour of work in ten minutes then the opposite. Even a coworker NPC noticed it was so dramatic. I dozed in and out of meditation at lunch and bursted a cloud, other than that I didn’t try to affect reality that day. Today was normal on the other hand. I have been quite lazy with my training since the eclipse tbh.

>>307

>I may go silent until Mercury is out of retrograde tbh. At the very least from /pol/.

All is well. I wish you great success. I should do the same, but I will likely not do so yet. I hope to hear from you again, when the times is done.

> I can’t begin this until I impregnate my wife again in a few months; though I have over a year /nofap/ so it shouldn’t be too hard.

I have faith in you. Best of luck to you with the family, as well.

> Then in the battle for the sacral chakra, he resided in a cave for a year. To me this means a total information blackout; just Me and my Selves.

That is what I had thought as well. But I wonder, are these time frames literal?

>I have been quite lazy with my training since the eclipse tbh.

I have been fatigued lately, due to whatever ventures I am off to during my sleep. I'm sure it will subside in time enough for me to begin again in earnest.

>>308

>I hope to hear from you again, when the times is done.

It will only be until mid August this time. I do know when I’ll start the year in the cave tbh.

>are these time frames literal?

I don’t know. I may make this board my exception to the cave, but failing that I’ll just use a pastebin as a journal and pasta it when I’m done.

>to begin again in earnest.

My energy and discipline has returned. I had a great session on Wednesday, laying in the sun feet to the east with no music. The uv rays penetrating my eyelids kept me awake; it’s a good method for clandestinely training in the open since people just think your napping. The avian portents continue, low flying eagles both yesterday and today during my commute training. One following the road flying towards me at less than thirty feet. The other crossing east to west at dawn no more than thirty feet high.

A komrade in the new Kingfisher thread gave me some words of caution about our musical training practice. >>>/pol/13519362

Anti-prune