When an American says, “I would appreciate if you could get this to me by Thursday,” he means that the drop-dead deadline is Thursday. An Israeli would take this to mean that getting it done by Thursday would be nice, but later is also OK. Israeli for “have it done by Thursday” is “have it done by Thursday.”
When an Israeli, on the other hand, says, “You’re wrong,” all he means is, “I beg to differ, let’s discuss.” What an American might hear is, “I obviously don’t care what you think, since I just trampled all over your opinion.” …
If anybody could attest to the cost of different communication styles, it’s Jerry [an American immigrant trying to fit into an Israeli job]. … I found him pacing outside the building, huffing and sniffling, eyes bright with unshed tears. “I just made my first big sale,” he said in a choked voice, “but the boss said it’s not good enough. She basically threatened to fire me!”
I went into the manager’s office and informed her Jerry was really upset. She looked surprised. “But I just told him he was doing a good job!”
“Hmm…” I rubbed my chin. “How exactly did you say it?”
“I said, ‘Great, you’re finally starting to pull your weight around here!’”
Classic, says [Vivian] Deutsch [another co-founder of IAIA]. “Most people don’t realize that Israelis and Americans don’t only express themselves differently, they have different motivational systems.” Americans are motivated by positive reinforcement, by the promise that a job well done is appreciated and will be rewarded. Israelis — for whom, historically, a job not done well may well mean a threat to survival — typically thrive when prodded to do better.
And what about our different approach to rules, regulations, plans? For the American, a rule’s a rule; for an Israeli, it’s a guideline. If something else happens to work better than the original plan, why stick to it?
In negotiations, Americans have a win-win mentality. Israelis just have “win.”
“This comes from Israelis’ attitude towards boundaries,” Kedem says. “Beginning with the fact Israel still doesn’t have an agreement about its borders. We’re constantly pushing against physical and mental boundaries. … We know we’ve crossed a boundary only when we’re pushed back. If there is no pushback, we understand we haven’t reached the boundary yet. That’s just how Israelis are brought up.” . . .
