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/newbrit/ - /brit//politics/

An Exercise in Satire

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All Hail The Bum Bum King!

File: 63b170899415047⋯.jpg (412.48 KB,1000x1500,2:3,based islam.jpg)

8a8f27 No.275521 [View All]

Allā's Messenger, peace and blessings upon him, was constantly harangued by different people including travellers and uncultured Bedouins who did not know the proper way to address or give him the respect and personal space he needs. In one instance, a Bedouin came outside his house and called out "O Muḥammad!" and to come out and talk to me and such and such. Thus a certain verse was revealed. Even the ṣaḥābah would, with good intentions, constantly be asking him questions and Allāh's Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) would typically graciously answer and bestow upon them wisdom. However, of course this sometimes grew tiresome, so he (peace and blessings upon him) declared that they should give ṣadaqah (charitable giving) before asking a question, so they wouldn't be so quick to let their queries fly. In another instance, two of the ṣaḥābah were quarreling over who would command a ghazwah (raid) and their arguments troubled Muhammad so Allāh revealed the verse prohibiting people from raising their voice over the voice of His Messenger. - A Muslim

BASED ISLAM will puts thots in their place, something we sorely need not just irl but here too, wallah. Women shall wear veils mashallah.

And now the news. Yallah shabaab!

Russian women can't stop being thots

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5840023/Russian-MP-warns-women-not-sex-World-Cup-visitors-avoid-single-mothers.html

>Russian women should refrain from sleeping with visiting World Cup fans to avoid becoming single mothers with mixed-race children, a lawmaker who heads the parliament's family committee has advised.

>Tamara Pletnyova, a 70-year-old Communist who leads the lower house's family, women and children body, told Govorit Moskva radio she hoped women would not date visiting fans and get pregnant.

World Cup starting soon nibbas get on board the banter bus!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44299651

>The 2018 Fifa World Cup gets under way on Thursday when hosts Russia face Saudi Arabia following an opening ceremony at Moscow's Luzhniki Stadium.

>Football's showpiece event features 32 teams, including holders Germany, competing in 64 games over 32 days.

>The 21st edition will be played out in 12 stadiums, across 11 cities, spread over 1,800 miles.

More on Drumpf and Kim meeting together to exchange views on which popular snack is the best: Cheetos or Lucky Charms

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44471419

>The US hopes to see "major disarmament" by North Korea by the end of 2020, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says.

>His comments come a day after an unprecedented meeting between President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in Singapore.

>In a statement North Korea agreed to work towards "complete denuclearisation of the Korean Peninsula".

Jocks are gay

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-44467306

>SNP MPs have walked out en masse from Prime Minister's Questions after their Westminster leader was thrown out of the chamber in a row with the Speaker.

>Ian Blackford refused to sit down when ordered to by John Bercow having asked for the Commons to sit in private.

>This was in protest at a lack of debate on what he said was a "power grab" in the EU Withdrawal Bill.

600 posts and 173 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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1088d2 No.276125

File: a11297112d78598⋯.jpg (21.26 KB,185x233,185:233,when i find some dank ass ….JPG)

>>276120

It's me bro

but uhh yeah I'll make sure to visit those when I get to the UK one day, which is prolly never cause my mum rather sees a literally who island than the UK unless the snooker championship plays or something.

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948b51 No.276126

File: 7d98b011c3c461d⋯.png (869.68 KB,598x840,299:420,tintinlondon.png)

File: 97d1524fe6c610a⋯.png (1.02 MB,800x1109,800:1109,tintinpenrith.png)

>>276118

why not go see the diversity museum of London?

>>276123

>>276124

thanks lad

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1adbf9 No.276127

Anybody else need help with tax/self employment/etc?

Lawfag is on this for 4 hrs so knock yourselves out

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5a46f5 No.276128

>>276125

Bermuda is a nice place tbh, it's kinda like tropical Britain, or it was for a short while. A lot more Americans now there however, so it's no longer Britain's Florida. But yeah they drive left hand drive cars on the left side of the road iirc.

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1088d2 No.276129

>>276128

Thanks. Valuable info. I'll make sure to tell her all that.

Taking a walk see yall

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948b51 No.276130

>>276125

hey if she's paying go there via seamoneyland and have weed pizza and fried tarantulas

or locally, tour the concentration camp sites of east germany or go to the nuremburg museum :^)

>>276127

ask how much I can leech from the system while also being gainfully self employed

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1adbf9 No.276131

>>276126

Save all the invoices and receipts for travel and accommodation lad, you can write them off against your overall tax bill

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5a46f5 No.276132

>>276129

Bye bye

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1adbf9 No.276133

>>276129

Turrah

>>276130

Lad you dont need to ask what I retain him for lmao

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1088d2 No.276134

Fuck 4/sp/ banned me

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948b51 No.276135

>>276131

will a torn bit of paper saying "£20 to vanlad for giving me a lift" work

and can I put down getting a haircut and some new clothes as well since it's for employability purposes

>>276129

gbye

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1adbf9 No.276136

>>276134

>4/sp/

[Grimace]

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948b51 No.276137

>>276134

doesn't 8sp exist

they're the get fiends right

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1adbf9 No.276138

>>276135

Anything you think could be an employment expense is valid

Write it all down

I'll give you invoices for lifts if I have to

I already owe you like £30 so we have all that to discuss after Monday in person

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5a46f5 No.276139

>>276134

big rip

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aa685c No.276140

File: 8bd480486e313e8⋯.jpg (505.93 KB,1280x728,160:91,0 0moo1.jpg)

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1adbf9 No.276141

And anshit you are first priority for debt payment, dw

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aa685c No.276142

File: c5f2e377a00e4e9⋯.jpg (274.31 KB,1110x693,370:231,1l3vK6i.jpg)

Highly glorious, in all actuality.

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948b51 No.276143

>>276138

wouldn' worry too much tbh

just starting to feel like I'm going to have to fill out multiple self assessment things smh since that's what UC already asks for

I'm burnt out for now, it's disgusting the amount of notepad files and bits of paper are lying around

reckon I can buy pli online out of business hours tomorrow? or if they'd be open on a saturday

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8a8f27 No.276144

File: 6f0d9c1643f79a7⋯.gif (1.95 MB,245x245,1:1,british immigration policy….gif)

File: b61a9efc498c6f3⋯.gif (1.24 MB,245x245,1:1,british immigration policy….gif)

You lot are posting way too fast

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1adbf9 No.276145

>>276143

You could buy it Monday if necessary, but try tomorrow morning please, I am out on a limb to get you this job, try and help me as much as possible

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1adbf9 No.276146

>>276144

You can fuck off you Ottoman cunt

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8a8f27 No.276147

File: a7cc1b44541c5ac⋯.jpg (154 KB,788x443,788:443,ATATURK - FATHER OF THE NA….jpg)

>>276146

nah fam I'm Kemalist

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948b51 No.276148

>>276145

looking at it now, got half an hour left

worst thing is that it all needs post codes smh and all I can give is the current one, meaning changes later

hate bureaucracy reeeee

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1adbf9 No.276149

>>276147

I dgaf what sort of furrin you are

Al fresco tracheotomy incoming

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1adbf9 No.276150

>>276148

Just get anything lad, between us we can sort out any details

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1adbf9 No.276151

>>276150

Just need to get on the payroll

I'll 50/50 the jobs for the first 2 weeks or smth if it spurs you on

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948b51 No.276152

>>276151

1mil liability right

just see what happens tbh, even if they fail me you'd probably still get the work with your experience right

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1adbf9 No.276153

>>276152

2mil lad

You can't be failed, I've employed you

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948b51 No.276154

>>276153

ah right

just doing covers now, taking personal accident

do I need to do contract works "Cover if your contract with your customer makes you responsible for damage to partly completed works."? think that's the last bit

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1adbf9 No.276155

>>276154

No I'm responsible for damages

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948b51 No.276156

>>276155

ta lad, here's more

not working on skyscrapers or anything is it? "hanging from ropes and suspended platforms"

heights above 10 metres

service to infrastructure eg power stations or hospitals

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aa685c No.276157

File: e412d0e670d723f⋯.png (213.43 KB,620x347,620:347,capture1.png)

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948b51 No.276158

>>276156

just saying no tbh but I had to check

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948b51 No.276159

>>276158

got one for for £22 monthly, lump sum technically cheaper but I want to be able to cancel, worst case

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4aa275 No.276160

File: 009d51bbfb6fec9⋯.jpg (216.33 KB,953x760,953:760,625661.jpg)

File: 859c8643b7ed2bd⋯.jpg (110.17 KB,598x679,598:679,525215.jpg)

File: 29237b0c7a6f68f⋯.jpg (140.45 KB,611x817,611:817,43126136.jpg)

lads… I really want a cosplay gf

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948b51 No.276161

File: 60513c3d9471be4⋯.webm (6.79 MB,640x360,16:9,columbine.webm)

fuckin all done apart from some more wikiped and ehow reading lol

CHINKY FILM AT 8PM

https://cytu.be/r/newbrit

>>276160

lads… I realy want a gf

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4aa275 No.276162

File: 4bc13add2d33e5f⋯.jpg (42.41 KB,669x746,669:746,1528646893468.jpg)

>>276161

>that fucking webm

saved tbh

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948b51 No.276163

B E E R O C L O C K

>>276162

it's a good aesthetic

eric pulling off that low key skinhead vibe

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16a9c1 No.276164

>>276163

>It's an edgy aesthetic

FTFY

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948b51 No.276165

File: 098e450930f133d⋯.png (56.8 KB,408x500,102:125,chenpostalhatred.png)

>>276164

>he doesn't want to go full edge

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5a46f5 No.276166

>>276164

>not being an edge lord

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948b51 No.276167

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

tbh my edgesthetic would be D-FENS tbqhsmh

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948b51 No.276168

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

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8a8f27 No.276169

>jerry lass says she thinks England can win the World Cup

How adorably naive. Being German she doesn't understand our quadrennial disappointment

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5a46f5 No.276170

>>276167

>>276168

Such a good film

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16a9c1 No.276171

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948b51 No.276172

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>276171

my name is Not Important

what matters is my genocidal crusade

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8a8f27 No.276173

>In October 45 BC, Julius Caesar met with the families of Carrhae victims. After a brief speech in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made arrow noises and mimicked seven Legions being slaughtered in the Persian desert.[4] He then picked up the eagle of a deceased Legion and whispered into her ear "Where are you, oh my sweet eagle?", and proceeded to put on a laurel wreath and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the eagle. It was rushed to the smith where she was pronounced irreparably damaged due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident in the Senate, Caesar became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the Senator.[5][6]

He can't keep getting away with it

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c5203f No.276176

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