/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

It was a day like any other.

The planet still spun, swung around the sun, all things on the land, in the sky, and in the sea as they were before.

Maybe it was a bit humid, but hey, that's summer.

Then came the screams.

I'm a fairly heavy sleeper, so I didn't notice at first.

Considering I've slept through earthquakes, riots, and dormroom snoring, can you blame me?

At most I end up restless in those conditions, more tired after waking than when I turned in.

So it was only due to a normal toss in my sleep that the Vamp Mosquito missed me with her beak.

The impact, however - that woke me.

I'm not a fan of mosquitoes.

Or roaches.

Or any of the other bug-lookalikes what had decided to make house that night.

I admit I may have panicked a little; the moments that followed that brief glimpse of a figure seemingly attempting to murder me and a mass of chitinous unknowns are even now a blur.

I do know I ended up outside my home wearing little but skivvies and a blanket, running like mad.

It was utter chaos outside, and in my bleary-eyed state I was just fearing for my life.

So I went the one place I figured no-one would go: the history museum.

And for the most part, I was right.

It was nice and quiet, one of the benefits of ancient, heavy-duty construction.

One nice, quiet, apparently-safe corner later and I was ensconced in an attempt to get some measure of rest; hopefully I'd be able to better handle the situation with a clear head.

Or I'd end up dead in my sleep, and avoid most of the pain of the dying bit.

No such luck - some of them had good noses.

And claws that clicked and clacked on the marble, making it obvious where they were.

One more sleep-deprived decision and I ended up breaking into one of the displays.

If I couldn't escape them, I'd try and scare them off, right?

Hah, as if that would ever work.

Some geek whose total exercise regimen consisted of long walks would never be able to get rid of a…a…too many limbs, too many limbs…

Sorry, needed a bit of the liquid courage.

Anyway, yeah, no way I'd be able to get rid of that thing; no way I'd be able to even get the gear strapped into place in time to try.

But I was only half-conscious and not thinking clearly.

And there was that thing's shadow creeping around the corner at far too fast a pace for my liking.

So when plates started sliding into place I barely noticed.

When the helm started to glow, wisps of some fog or steam rising from the blade and shield, I was more confused than anything.

And when the voice told me she could give me safety and victory, if I would only join her, forever and always, well…

Let's just say that I made a lot of bad choices that night, and one very good one.

>half awake, might as well greentext

>wait, let's do that without the green

>genius!

Well, it started when I tried downloading something onto my computer, and I found that I was out of memory. While trying to find what was wrong, I found a metric fuckton of nude cheshire pictures in my porn folder, with the rest of the contents deleted. Next morning, lewd pictures of cheshires were glued to the walls, and I found a dakimakura of one in my bed.

I threw that out, but it kept finding it's way back. One night I was just too sick of everything to do anything about it, so I slept next to the thing. I had a dream about a wedding with the body pillow in this weird ass place with giant mushrooms and pink water. Then I woke up to find pillow gone and that damn cat cooking naked apron style in my kitchen'. I asked what the hell she was doing, and she showed me a marriage contract that I apparently signed.

I'm searching for a lawyer to see if Wonderland contracts hold any power in this country.

>Just got back home from work.

>Sitting at my computer with a glass of bourbon and shitposting away.

>Hear people talk about the happening.

>This time it's monster girls appearing.

>Huh. Sounds neat.

>Eventually start hearing sounds put in the street.

>Monster girls going around and looking for men to claim.

>Looks like some guy is getting raped a bit away.

>Shrug and sit back down. Turn up my music to drown out his calls for help/moans.

>Drink a little more.

>Some time passes.

>Decide to go for a walk.

>Feathers, slime trails, and traces of a wild sex-filled romp everywhere.

>Fucking hell. These broads can't clean up after themselves.

>Walk along the teail near my house up to a pond that I fish out of.

>Pick up some wild onion along the way. Damn, that stuff is tasty.

>Stand around for a while looking at the pond.

>A mermaid pops out and looks at me before diving back down.

>Well shit. She better not fuck with my fishing later if she decides to settle here.

>Go back to my house, picking up some more onion along the way.

>Harpies fly overhead but pay me no mind.

>Pick up some mail and hear a car crash nearby.

>Not my problem. Learn to drive. I don't care if some broad decided to surprise you.

>Get back home and step around a cat girl that decided to take a nap on my lawn of all places.

>Lock the door, pour myself another drink, and go shitpost some more.

>People talking about their new girl friends.

>Other people in a panic.

>This chucklefuck still hasn't updated his CYOA.

>Play some stalker, and chow down on some smoked polish sausage.

>Jerk off.

>Wash up.

>Lay in bed and wonder if this means I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

>Read some manga.

>Fall asleep.

Don't get why everyone hyped up DOTR.

>>346272

I don't get it.

>About to run a bath

>Turn on the tap

>Water sputters and stops

>Great a plumbing issue

>plumbers ripped me off before, so I go to investigate myself

>Turns out the water pump inlet got blocked

>The blocked water seemed to be making blurbling sounds.

>disengage the valve and drain the liquid

>The thing blocking it was drained out too

>A solid deep blue orb.

>the bucket of water where it landed was shaking around a bit

>Removed the orb

>it stopped moving

>figure this weird thing has some weird reactions with water

>decide to test it in the bathtub

>The bathtub full of water begins bubbling

>It's making sounds, which sort of sound like words.

>All I can make out is "Help… Feed me…"

>Shrug and got some sandwich ham from the fridge

>dropped it into the bath

>it dissolves slowly, but it dissolved faster as the water got thicker.

>Suddenly some of the water raised out of the bath in the shape of a head

>Oh no, She's cute.

>"Thanks"

And the rest is history.

>Wake up

>Pick up tablet to shitpost in bed. Fuck you, it's comfy.

>Thread saying "Holy shit! Monster girls!"

>Shrug it off and shitpost away.

>Ah fuck, gotta get to work.

>Come downstairs and toss some stuff in my lunchbox.

>Wait, shit. Almost forgot my gym clothes. Today is lifts day.

>Stuff my clothes in my gym bag and toss it and my lunchbox in the car.

>Start backing out of my garage.

>Some wan is walking around and notices my car.

>Shoo her off my driveway and close the garage.

>Drive off to work.

>Notice some cars parked by the side of the road.

>One dumb fucker drove off into the woods. Looks like a bad wreck.

>Not. My. Problem.

>Put up some kancolle fan music as I keep driving.

>Good thing I live about a 10 minute's drive from work.

>Took me a bit linger weaving around the few dumb girls in the middle of the road.

>Get to the parking garage, find a nice spot, grab my stuff, and head to the office.

>Hear some guy getting proactively dated.

>For fuck's sake. We can fucking hear your echoes. Keep it down.

>Get inside the office building.

>Security is pretty alert with what's going on.

>Ask why I didn't stay at home.

>Got stuff to do.

>Most of the office seems to have not arrived.

>Whatever.

>Sit at my cubicle and start running my macros and queries.

>Put up a playlist of cyberpunk, eurobeat, touhou remixes, and more of the kancolle stuff I was listening to earlier.

>Few hours pass.

>Time for lunch.

>Go sit by the window by my lonesome as usual.

>Pull out a can of sardines and a slice of homemade french bread.

>Chow down and watch some guy outside be chased by a hellhound,

>He does pretty well, lasting for few minutes before finally getting tackled.

>Oh come on. Outside? Have you no shame?

>My disdain is interrupted by a dumb harpy smacking into the window.

>Welp. Lunch break's over. Back to work.

>Continue my work. Shitpost via phone. The usual.

>Oh? It's already 4? About time.

>Shut down my computer and head back downstairs.

>Security from earlier is gone,

>Hear some noises from the security office.

>Well at least they got a room.

>Walk to the next building over.

>Haha. Time for lifts.

>Enter the gym and look around.

>Empty, although it probably won't be long before a minotaur would be lifting.

>Get changed and head back out.

>Huh. Sooner than I thought.

>Broken glass and a minotaur is doing squats.

>Fuck. I hope she left some weight for me to use.

>Ask if some of the weights are free.

>She nods and eyes me up.

>Lady, i'm just here to work out.

>Do a couple warmups, before setting it up to 90 pounds. Still weak, I know.

>Go through my 5x5s for today. Nod to the minotaur on my way out.

>Go grab my stuff from the lockers and make my way out.

>Drive back is uneventful, save for a wurm in the middle of the road holding me up.

>Get back home.

>Finally.

>Go wash up, cook some rice, and watch some old anime.

>Parents call, being worried about me. Tell them i'm fine.

>Read some manga.

>Look at some threads over people talking about their new girlfriends.

>Wonder what made DOTR so exciting?

>It's just the same as any other day. Just a little more annoying to get around.

>tfw so boring that nothing would happen to me on DOTR or in a world of monster girls

>>355213

> Nurarihyon looks up from her book

> reaches over and pats your hand

> "Aw, I like that you're a little boring sweetie."

>wake up just in time to greet the beautiful southwest sunrise over the hills and canyons for the first day of my vacation

>step outside into the brisk morning air

>huh, I didn't think dust storms could follow the contours of terrain like that…

>wait, that's no dust storm

>an entire horde of newly mamono'd ex-wildlife is stampeding towards our town in an attempt to fulfill their new instincts and secure whatever a "husband" is

>and my house is right on the front lines

I later found out a portal had appeared and malfunctioned at a nearby wildlife preserve. Instead of transporting MGs through, it just dumped a fuckton of mamono mana into the surrounding area which was what started the entire mess. The mamono who were supposed to be tunneling through it into our world were pissed as fuck when they got their backup portal up and finally arrived only to find out that all the single men in a 10 mile radius had been claimed by "natives", and the ones who were already married now had monsterized wives. I think they ended up having to move to the next county over after fights began to break out between the two groups. The converted ones are surprisingly quick on the uptake for living in civilization; my cougargirl wife has really taken to grilling and even built her own smoker.

>>355213

It's all because you posted on a tablet you cunt.

It's funny, you can spend years wishing you could meet a manticore, but when the day comes the brain likes to stick with it's instincts. I can't really blame it though, having a hungry looking hybrid of a beast drop seemingly out of nowhere does seem like it should trigger a panic reaction. I just wish she'd stop teasing me about it all this time later.

>>373822

That'll do, Sheep

>>373940

good luck anon!

>>373940

> red

M8, that's been disproven. It's excessive motion that is likely to set them off.

>>373951

>anon sees Minotaur

>"oh shit I'm wearing red"

>starts moving around like an autistic

>triggers rape instincts accidentally

And that, kids, is why biology is important.

>Dotr happens

>Notice a bunch of guys holding signs like "cursed sword gets my sword" "I <3 hugs" and "I'm Welch, guess"

>They get the respective mamono wives they want

>Aha.jpg

>Make sign from poster board

>Do I want a holstaur, yeti, bunnyip, dragon, or manticore.

>Can't decide on waifu

>Decides to make a sign with all of them

>One of these will pick me

>Bicorn comes by

>Promises me a harem with all the different mamono

And that, kids is how I met your mother (s)

>>373951

I was just going by what the profile says they do when they see red.

>well it sorta started when I woke up

>mostly due to these fuckers outside screaming

>cant even get any rest with these fuckers outside

>after getting up from my bed, a sound from outside got my attention

>its fucking moaning

>I decided to look out my window only to see manamoos fucking outside

>suddenly a fucking hellhound slams against my window

>this caused me to scream like a bitch

>the hellhound began to slam against my window more

<"LET ME IN!"

>"NO FUCK OFF AND GIVE UP, THE WINDOW ISN'T GOING TO BUDGE!"

>and then the window broke

>and so did my fucking pelvis

>>373985

>anon gets BLACKED

>DOTR arrives

>flying a cargo jet

>yea, though you fly through the shadow of the valley of rape, you shall fear no mamono, for you are at 25,000 feet and climbing

>studiously ignore the fact that you have limited fuel

>harpies and dragons spot your plane and give chase

>you cruise at 400 knots

>birbs and dagrons btfo

>tiduslaughing.mov

<"Nice flying, anon!"

>thanks

>wait you were flying single pilot, who the fuck

>a busty girl has spontaneously appeared in the copilot's seat

>you demand her name

>she points to the tail number nameplate

<November Mike Golf Zero Uniform Sierra

>…so she's a plane tsukumogami?

>she nods emphatically

>and then leans into your face

<"Turn on the autopilot, 'cause you're about to join the mile high club"

>yes'm

>spend the next few hours helping Sierra with her stick and rudder skills

>become very familiar with her turbines, and other such aviation innuendo

>arrive at your destination hours early

>make the best goddamned landing you've ever made

>get fined by the FAA for fucking your aircraft midflight

>worth it

inb4 someone posts jet porn

>Wake up.

>Lay around in bed and see everyone freaking out online about DotR.

>Neat.

>Get out of bed.

>Get dressed.

>Pack lunch.

>Open garage.

>Shoo away cat girl napping on driveway.

>Drive to work.

>Avoid accidents/mamono from people freaking out,

>Get to work.

>Go have breakfast Best part is it's free.

>Work

>Ignore moans coming from breakfoom by listening to music.

>Go for lunch, watch some guy get chased.

>Go back to work.

>Running them macros. Making them queries.

>Slow day today. Must be because of the rape and monsterization.

>Day finishes. Not gym day today, so I drive home.

>Dodge some dumbass wurm in the middle of the road.

>Stop by mail box. Grab mail. Crap. More crap. Oh hey, a coupon for a free pizza.

>Stop by home. Some squirrel chick is hanging around in the tree next to the house.

>Watch her for a bit, then go inside.

>Get changed.

>Boil up some pelmeni and crack open a beer.

>Look online at all the anons who have new waifus now. Good for you guys.

>Eat dinner.

>Go upstairs.

>Play some vidya, watch some animu, shitpost.

>Look for so e vanilla doujins. Fap.

>Go downstairs to put on some tea.

>Shitpost some more.

>Eat some tea biscuits with my tea.

>Go upstairs.

>Wash up.

>Get in bed.

>Sleep.

>Wake up.

>Repeat.

Gee, it's sure neat being absolutely invisible to monster girls. Can't get your pelvis broken if they don't notice you.

>>374004

Huh. Looks like I already made something similar to this post. Can't delete it either. Maybe i'll make something different later.

>>374004

> Anon sighed as he climbed into bed

> Kazane the Nurarihyon looked up from her book and smiled her familiar, enigmatic smile

< "Feeling old? The young maidens not falling at your feet like they used to?"

> Anon's sad expression drooped even further

> Kazane realized she'd gone too far and her faintly mocking smile was replaced by a concerned frown

< "Hey, I'm only joking. You know they just sense my mana on you, right?"

> Anon's expression didn't change, if anything he looked more downcast

> the monster didn't say anything, she just set down her book and softly placed her hand on the man's shoulder

> Anon knew that she wouldn't force him to tell her what was bothering him, she never did

> but as hard as it was for him to open up he wanted to tell her

> "… no one wanted me before either…"

> Kazane had fought a Western dragon to a draw once

> she'd earned some nasty scars and her own night parade of loyal followers for that feat

> 'Kazane, unbreakable as the wind.' was how she was always described in the yokai underworld

> now something as small as this man's frown made her feel like her whole world was collapsing

< "No!"

> she grabbed Anon's face and forced him to look her in the eyes

< "I love you. And I always get what I want. All those bitches who looked at you before knew that you belonged to me!"

> the yokai's shadowy demonic energy was flaring strongly enough to be seen by the naked eye now

< "They knew deep down in their bones that even if I had to reach across space, or time, or dimensions, or even beat the gods themselves, anyone trying to steal my treasure would have to face the wrath of Kazane, Leader of the Chill Wind Night Parade!"

> any objection Anon might have made was quashed by a violent kiss

> the monster converted all of her anger and determination into passion as she forced Anon to accept a physical expression of her love

> Anon had to gasp for breath when she finally released him

< "Now. Who's my little Daimyō?"

> the flame-like tendrils of the Nurarihyon's shadows banked, but seemed to retain an air of hungry anticipation

> Anon had a feeling he knew what came next

> "… I am."

> Kazane's crooked smile returned as she gently pushed Anon back into his pillows

< "Of course, even a Daimyō must obey the Shōgun…"

> Anon could feel just one of her slender fingers find his penis and gently, gently begin to trace its length through his pajamas

< "… and I order your Samurai to stand at attention."

> the part of Anon which wanted to make fun of her silly analogy was decisively outvoted by the part of him enjoying the incredible sensations coming from his dick

> Kazane's smile broadened and became almost sadistic as she felt Anon's member begin to stiffen

< "Oh, I love the cute little faces you make!"

> Anon lost track of time after that

> the Nurarihyon's simple one fingered up and down strokes varied from firm to barely perceptible

> it was as if she knew exactly how close he was and gave him just enough stimulation to keep him at maximum arousal without sending him over the edge

> it was exquisite torture

> he might have thought her cruel if she wasn't also constantly kissing his face and neck while whispering words of love in his ear

> when she finally relented and brought him to the top of the mountain his climax was explosive

> he couldn't believe he had cum that hard without even taking off his clothes

< "Oh my. What's this sticky mess in your pajamas? We can't have that."

> she gave him a ridiculously smug smile before sliding his bottom off and giving his member a long lick

< "Let me get you cleaned up."

> she was already taking off her jinbei by the time he was hard again

> much, much later an exhausted Anon lay unconscious in the arms of his yokai wife

> she carefully brushed his hair to the side and kissed his forehead before drifting off to sleep herself

>>374007

I couldn't follow your directions anon now, my dick is stuck in a arachne

>DOTR comes

>Look out my window and see one of my neighbors being sexually harassed by a hellhound.

>Not my problem

>Check my work email

>No work today due to circumstances.

>Great, that means more time to do some house work and cleaning since my house is sort of a mess.

>Get that shit done.

>Couple hours go by. I open my garage door to get to my garbage can.

>As the door slowly opens, I see a pair doggo feet standing in front of the garage door.

>Ugh, let's just get this over with.

>It's a dog girl alright, but she has blonde hair with patches of gold and white fur and droopy ears.

>After she was done watching the garage door open all the way, her sight was now turned towards me.

>She trots over to me and her tail starts wagging. She also has a ball in her mouth.

"Can I help you," I asked kind of confused by the situation. She looks cuter up close.

>She points to the ball into her mouth.

"Oh, you want me to throw the ball?"

>The doggo girl nods in excitement.

>As I reached for the ball, she moves head away and slaps my hand.

"I can't throw it if you don't give it to me," I explained it to her, but all she does is whimper begging me to throw it.

>Idea

>I start giving her chin scratches and headpats

>While doing this, the hellhound across the street that is "strangling" my neighbor looks at me with disgust and intrigue. Almost like I am committing a taboo out in public.

>The golden doggo moans and pants to every scratch and stroke. She is enjoying this.

>I use this time to quickly grab the ball while she is distracted.

>She jumps back into reality realizing she doesn't have the ball.

>She starts to blush and gets embarrassed.

<G-Give me my ball back!

"Oh, so you can talk."

<Of course I can talk! Just because I have a ball in my mouth doesn't mean I couldn't talk!

"I'm sorry, but I thought you wanted me to throw the ball."

>She starts twirling her blonde hair and stares into my eyes with her sad puppy eyes.

<W-Well, of course I wanted you to throw the ball. I just didn't expect you to take it from me. Can you ask me politely for now on to give it to you?

>I give a sigh and replied with a simple, "Sure, no problem."

>She hugs me and snuggles into sweat stained shirt. Her breasts pressing against my chest.

>The hellhound watches as her face turns red and her mouth open appalled by the sight. She even forgot that she was had my neighbor in her grasp and my neighbor took that as an opportunity to get back inside the house and lock the doors.

"Um, let go inside," I suggested.

<What about my ball?

>I give it back to her and she grabs it from my hand snuggling with it.

"By the way, what's your name?"

<My name is Monica. What's yours?

"I'm Anon. Nice to meet you, Monica."

>Monica smiles and says the same.

<It's a pleasure to meet you, Anon.

>As we walked back in the house and closed the garage door behind me, the first thing Monica does is lay on the couch.

<Anon, come join me!

>I join Monica sitting on the spot of the couch next to her.

>We started talking about ourselves, what we do for a living, and so on. Minutes turned into hours and we wound up ordering a pizza.

>The pizza delivery girl was a manticore and she tried to put moves on me before Monica came running outside to stand next to me as a way of "guarding" me.

>The manticore gave up and demanded the money so she can get back to work.

>We walk back into the house without incident and put on some horror movies since it's October and all.

>On our third movie, Monica begins to doze off. She lays her head on my lap and begins sleeping.

>I stopped the movie and brought her up to the guest room to rest.

>I was getting tired myself and I might have work the next day.

>After putting my PJs on and crawled under the covers, I felt something soft wrapping around me. Hugging me from behind.

<Can…Can I sleep with you tonight, Anon?

"Sure. You can sleep with me tonight…I guess."

>I didn't know how to respond. I never had experience with a girl.

>In my head, I thought this was it. This is where the sex begins.

>Instead, she huddled closer to me and fell off to sleep.

>>374054

>The next day, I found myself laying on my back instead to my side like usual and I find a cute dog girl resting on my chest like a pillow.

>Monica looked cute the way she slept.

>I stroked her blonde hair that shined brightly in the morning sunlight.

>She lets out a yawn, our eyes met, she smiles and greets me.

<Good morning, Anon.

>I smile and reply back.

"Good morning, Monica. Did you sleep well?"

<It was wonderful. I have not slept this good in ages.

>She comes closer and licks me on the cheek.

>I suddenly get this warm sensation coursing through my body.

>I bring her closer and give her a gentle kiss on the lips.

>Then, the gentle kiss turned into us making out.

>She climbs on top of my pelvis and grinds my crotch area back and forth.

>She is so damn wet that pants are soaked.

>I didn't realize this before, but she was with me the whole time naked. Damn, now I feel bad for not offering her clothes. In the end though, she didn't seem to mind.

>Monica pauses our make out session

<Anon, I'm a little nervous. Can you be gentle with me?

>I nod and assure her that I will try to be as careful as I can and let me know if she wants to stop.

>We roll over with me being on top.

>We proceed to have intercourse and it was feeling really good.

>It felt like hours, Monica in the time got more relaxed and started enjoying it.

>After we did the deed, we rested a little longer just staring into each other's eyes. She is so cute that I can stare at her for hours and always be mesmerized by her.

>Our moment of silence was then disrupted by our neighbor…er, neighbors, I should say. It was the hellhound from yesterday, but she is yelling at her boyfriend demanding to be given headpats. Her boyfriend argues back that she had seven sessions today. This embarrasses the hellhound making her look like a slut by other monster girls passing by. She punches the man and stammers off.

>After watching it all played out, I turn to Monica and asked if she wanted breakfast.

>She nods and we head downstairs for breakfast.

>Years later, I bought Monica clothes that she liked so she isn't walking outside the house naked all of the time. We got married after two years of dating and we bore two children. Two girls named Robin and Susan. Robin loves to play sports and Susan likes math and science. Susan is usually shy around other kids, but Robin likes to bring Susan along to hang out. At least until Robin asks Susan to do her math homework for her. I couldn't be any happier than where I am now.

>And yes, my neighbor and the hellhound got married as well. Quite the loud bunch, I say. Monica became friends with the neighbors and she learned that they have a daughter that likes to practice religion. The hellhound is annoyed with her daughter and wishes she could find answers. Her husband is in turmoil because she wants to support his wife, but she also supports his daughter's beliefs. I feel bad for the guy.

>Sitting at home

>reading news about the DOTR

>Fuck yes I am ready

>Hear some commotion outside, mostly purring and meowing

>fuck yeah catgirls

>look out window

>sun is partially blotted out by cloud of art fairies.

>look down at the meowing masses

>oh

>Remember I live in Ireland.

Feck.

>>374061

get the flamethrower ready anon.

>today's the day

>the preparations have long been made

>you woke, invigorated by the night's rest

>eagerly showered and ate a filling breakfast

>you didn't bother to get dressed

>strutting about the apartment in a birthday suit, you gazed out the windows at the veritable slaughter

>soon (tm)

>you grabbed an unnecessarily large bottle of rapeseed oil and began slathering yourself with it

>you donned a cheap paladins helmet you got off the internet

>you went into the garage and started your weapon of choice

>a motorcycle roared to life, and the boombox mounted to the back hummed

>you slid a cassette labeled 'RAPE' inside

>embed related

>you peel out of the driveway like a bat out of hell

>numerous monsters of all sorts stop their conquest on lawns and cars as a bare-ass naked man screams past, dripping rape from his pores

>their mouths wide open in shock

>manticores, hellhounds, ushi onis, all manners of beast that haven't yet reduced a mans pelvis to dust form a crowd in the rearview

>you laugh wildly as harpies dive for you, only to squwak in dismay as they slip over the rape oil on your skin

>you know you can't keep it up forever, as the tank only has so much gas

>but when it does, you've trained for this day

>trained to run

>run like only a man covered in rape being chased by an angry mob can run

>and so you run

>straight into the crowd, laughing madly

>>374055

Just find a hellhound, her autistic “muh untameability” mindset should help keep her confidence high enough

>>374061

KC really needs to make a short stack Leprechaun girl for you guys

>>374125

Oh hey, you're the one guy who posted on /mg/.

>DotR happens

>Cool, I don't have work today.

>Check that my doors are locked and blinds are closed.

>Lay around thinking of all the reasons I hate myself.

>Shit post.

>Eat a sandwich.

>Shit post some more.

>Self hatred

>Vidya

>Make some pasta and mix it up with leftover pulled pork.

>More Vidya

>Alcohol

>Shitposting, laughing at some chumps getting raped.

>Lay around in bed.

>Self-reflection kicks in, end up depressed for a couple hours, hate myself some more.

>Get up, drink some more alcohol.

>Shitpost

>Sleep

>See some nightmare hanging around in my dreams.

>Point her in the direction of some other chump.

>She sticks around.

>Chase her off for her own good.

>Wake up at three in the morning.

>Spend the rest of the night shitposting or playing vidya.

>More booze.

>Pass out.

>Nightmare returns.

>Chase her off again while yelling "People don't dream!"

>Wake up

>Exhausted

>Hate myself more due to exhaustion

How do I chase her off for good?

>>374132

>How do I chase her off for good?

<hookup with a different, likely monogamous mamono

OR

<Alp yourself

>>374125

Tell her that we won't judge, and even if we did, we can't do anything.

It does not matter if she is beautiful (though she already has beauty in her heart, something few, if any, women have) what matters is that we know she exists, and we can summon more like her.

If your beloved is reading this, think of it this way. If you showed us a picture of you, you would have online friends like you. All happily married to us.

>>374124

>>374125

That's some nice Babalon working, Thelemafag.

>>374149

He worships Ammit, not Lucifer.

>>374151

Firstly it was just a bit of lighthearted bully for blatantly ripping off Liber Al for his funpost.

Secondly I called him a Thelemite, not a jew.

>>374194

Alright, assuming you're not pulling a doll-anon tier ruse cruise on us, condense all the occult stuff into a simple "follow this guide, get monster babes" kind of deal.

Also post pics or, even better, a video of your golem girlfriend.

Fuck, I can't believe I got suckered into replying to what's essentially a really elaborate writefaggotry again.

>>374241

I am also writing to Amber

Actually, if the blue wave happens and we open our borders. Send em over. Send them all over. We are free real estate. By the time the Neogaf cat ladiess catch on with just what you are it will be too late.

>>374250

This. Shit's pretty fucked anyway. Might as well have fun with the choas that ensues if monster girls and magic appears.

>>374250

>the blue wave

Is that what deities are referring to as Day of the Rape, or is this meant to be something else?

>>374254

its just a shitpost you mongrel.

>>374194

Actually, you know what? Go fuck yourself, you LARPing faggot. You're the same kind of cunt like doll anon and the other fags that said they had a monster girl.

I can't believe I was dum enough to think about entertaining you instead of simply insulting you.

Monster girls never ever. That's why they are fictional.

>>374261

If he's just larping:

Let him have his fun

If he's not, and he's actually dating a golem,

Screw you, you give autists a bad name

>>374265

M8, do you really want to bring larpers here? Larping makes you look dumb at best and gay at worst. Unless it's russian larps which involve alcohol and beating each other with metal pipes.

>>374272

What do you think this thread is?

>Took a shower

>Water monsterized as an undine and raped me

>>374275

It's a fun greentext/writefaggotry thread, not a stupid occult larper thread.

>>374261

Dollanon wasn't a larp though, as demonstrated by sigilfag.

>>374278

One larper backs up another larper.

How do your know those even worked or even if both were the same person hopping between IPs to larp harder?

Until we get actual goddamn proof of monster girls being real, they will never be,

>>374281

>Until we get actual goddamn proof of monster girls being real, they will never be,

We already got proof though, we prayed to Ammit while coining "Forever Ever" and within the next few days Guts got off the boat and Liru came back to life.

>>374285

How the hell is that proof? So some guys felt like continuing something they started. Big fucking whoop.

I'm talking about photos or videos. Notice how every larper faggot like doll anon and co always say "she's shy" or "she doesn't like having her picture taken". Because the girls don't exist and thus the faggots can't stroke their fucking ego.

>>374287

Should I post some stores to put this thread back on track, or do you have more sperging out to do?

>>374290

What kind of stores? Hardware? Grocery? :^)

>>374287

You want physical proof for something that isn't physical. You have to put in your own work to proove the occult to yourself. And when it comes to telling if an occult rposter is larping or not, it really just comes down to whether or not you can make sense of it. In this case, he isn't larping, even though his understanding of Lucifer, thelema, Christianity, and gnosticism is Jack shit. I still respect his results. At least he's trying to make sense of the universe.

>I'm about to go an hero

>I've already prepared the note

>I'm deep in the forest so no one will interfere

>I press the Hi-Point (don't judge) against my right temple

>I take a deep breath and remove all the outside noise

>Even that girl who is saying something about not liking something

>The trigger won't pull

>I thought I turned the safety off

>Safety won't budge

<"Please don't do this, masta"

>Her redneck drawl cought my attention

>I look to my right

>12/10 90% naked milf next to me

"Who are you?" I ask

<I'm your gun. The witch back there cured me so I can stop you. Had several mastas die on me, don't want you to. Apparently, she thought you wanted some company.

"I'm just some worthless neet, you wouldn't like me"

<And I'm a hi-point, nobody Eva liked me.

<Even saved a guys life, I thought he lost me to civa fofiture, but no he had saved enough afta the case to get a deagle, ratha than get me back.

>Looks like she needs comfort more than me.

>In my lack of any concerns me people skills I hug her

>I start to feel like garabage as she hugs me back.

>I don't remember falling asleep, but I felt better waking up.

>>374300

We are talking about a girl this Annon is physically banging. If he's putting his dick in a golem, he can photograph it.

I don't want him doing it without her permission, but I would love to see her. And so would everyone else on this board.

>>374336

>What government on earth wouldn't kill me after I had given up the secret of creating machine life?

What government wouldn't kill you before you gave up the secret? Killing you afterwards wouldn't achieve anything.

>>374344

This. What do you expect from a larper? They can't think things through.

>playing some xcom 2

>don't know what TDOR is

>see a lamia outside

>think it's a alien Invasion

>grab my baseball bat

>Head outside to stop some alien scum

>see people getting proactively dated after I went outside

>wait what

>my gaurd is lowered and the lamia from earlier grabs me from behind

>ask her to not kill me

>she just laughed before she began to proactively dated me

Ok, I'll bite.

>be me, wake up like any other day

>check phone

>oh hey that thing /monster/ obsessed over actually happened

>well I guess I ate my words

>check news

>sure enough everything is fucked

>literally and figuratively

>work's probably cancelled for the next few weeks or whatever

>boss probably got nabbed by a nig-hound or whatever

>heh

>look out window

>bird-things flying all over the place

>see neighbor get dragged off by his own cat

>watch a lizard chick challage the local gym rat to a fist fight

>chuckle a bit when she gets her shit rocked

>suddenly, it clicks

>no work

>nothing to do

>start chuckling

>chuckling becomes hearty laughter

>hearty laughter gets harder

>sprint to my basement

>lock the door behind me

>turn on the light to reveal my absolutely massive back-log of models that need to be painted

>quickly begin my work

>waifu can wait

>Papa Dorn needs to be painted now

>>374302

>Hi-Point

You should've pulled the trigger.

>>383377

Do not bully Hi-Point-chan. She may be large, and heavy, and not incredibly fashionable, but she goes bang every time her master asks her to and hits whatever she's pointed at.

>>383377

To be fair, Hi-points are supringly durable for what i've seen. Also, from what I hear, the customer service for them is really top-notch.

There was some guy on /k/ who had a buddy who accidentally melted his. He got a new one free of charge if I recall. The buddy even offered to pay for it, but the folks at Hi-Point insisted otherwise.

Still wouldn't buy one unless I needed a gun right away.

>>383375

>Be me, anon

>been in my basement painting my Imperial Fists for the past couple weeks

>I'm glad I have a shower in here otherwise I'd start to smell

>I'm good for food and water

>but I'm running out of Nuln Oil

>I have a bunch of Axgrax but it's just not the same

>dark times ahead

>I still have well over 123 yellow bois left to paint

>I know what I signed up for

>Papa Dorn would be dissapointed if I gave up now

>I occasionally allow myself to check the news on my phone

>everything is still ass over teakettle

>surprised the power is still on honestly

>my boss called and asked how I was doing

>when I sent him a pic of my unpainted hordes he replied knowingly

>he and his snek waifu wished me luck

>they didn't hang up right and I could hear them going at it

>fucking ew

>I'd bet if my basement had any windows or ventilation to the outside I could smell the sex juice

>I sometimes entertain the thought of leaving and surrendering my wizardhood

>but that shit can wait

>if I left now, I'd never finish my backlog

>I know I'll probably never play another game of Horus Heresy again

>both because of the happening and because it's a dead game

>but that's not the point

>I bought all this shit and I'm going to see this through

third coming tomorrow. Don't know how long I'm going to make this.

>>383485

>>383375

As a fellow plastic crack addict, I like it.

>>383485

I hope we get several mgs pestering him before he finishes painting

>Nightmare haunting his dreams

>Mailwoman turned Demon trying to get him to trick him into signing a contract whenever he gets a package

>local animal mamono seeking shelter in his house from shit weather

>Cupid orchestrating the whole thing in order to get him a match, before inevitably becoming attracted to him herself and bombarding every opening in his house with love arrows

>>383403

Gun elitism is just retarded, it's a dead giveaway that the person you're talking to is an NPC. Does it do what you need it to do? If yes, it's a good gun. One of my favorites is a bersa .380, cheap as fuck and temperamental about all types of different ammo, but when it's loaded with something it "likes" it's a solid little gun that never does anything it shouldn't and gets rounds on target reliably. The whole concept is no different from the expensive sunglasses/watches shit. If your gun is a fashion accessory to you, of course a cheaper one is "not good", if you shoot for fun, hunt, carry or keep one near where you sleep for defense, it shouldn't matter what it cost or if there's a bunch of plastic furniture.

TL;DR: I agree, mostly

>>383493

As addicted I am to the 17th legion the addiction to daemons is stronger. Just open your doors anon.

Sign her contract for unlimited paint, or have a annubis help you expand your legion to new heights.

Give in and unlock your deadbolts son of dorn.

>>383544

How can you be a son of dorn if you did not lock the door to your fortification?

>>383547

>implying he doesn't have an impenetrable titanium door with an automatic hermetic seal

I think I might start putting these in the greentext threads.

>>383561

Did you leave the holy washes upstairs battle brother?

>>383561

I'm intrigued

>>383561

Is Anon, Son of Dorn, American or British? I think he can legally call the cops now, or claim selfdefence, depending on where he lives. Hell, are we not allowed to have hobbies and get married when we want it? Sounds like hell otherwise. Pardon the no-fun-allowed-edness of my post, I just find it weird how blind these girls are, that they can't leave him to his hobbies and goes as far as destruction of property. If it were me and my place was perforated by arrows, I'd be fucking pissed.

>>383493

>>383544

>>383561

>>383598

Rogal would be proud, Brother Captain this also rings too close as I also have over 100 unpainted totallynotIFwithselfwrittenfluff.

>>383611

I just have a squad of gurdsmen, a command squad, a pewter commissar, and a deathstrike/manticore to paint. Fuck you GW for nerfing the deathstrike and getting rid of its unlimited range.

Also got a fuckton of other plastic crack to put together and paint. Do you paint, then glue? Or glue, then paint? Also, I never painted models before and am afraid of fucking up. So I end up procrastinating on putting them together.

>>383610

>Not allowed to get married when we want

Welcome to MGE. Nope, you don’t even get to really choose the monster either, you’re just shacked up for life with the first monster who makes you cum inside her one way or another. You can say you want to waifu something soft and gentle like a kitsune, but really unless you can find one quick your most likely gonna get some rape-happy nighound who decided she wants to spend the rest of her life with you because she thought your spirit energy smelled nice, without you really having any choice in the matter. But that’s ok because although you may have hated her before, MAMONO MANA™ will make you love her, whether you like it or not.

>>383610

>implying a true son of Dorn would find the easy way out

Ha. Also emergency servesed are kind of out of commission. Most Imperial Fists are as Autistic as daddy Rogal. Anon adapted the mindset from a mixture of isolation and Autism.

>>383620

Painting seems hard at first, but once you get that hang of it, you stop procrastinating because you're afraid, and start procrastinating because reasons. Watch Daddy Duncan's shit on Warhammer community. He'll teach you good.

>>383622

>"you'll never be happy even if monstergirls are real goy, now go support some thot single mother"

JUDEN RAUS!

>>383633

Oh please, don’t twist my words into making me a fucking jew. All I want is to be able to choose a waifu and not have one force herself on me, is that so much to ask? That I get to have a choice in the matter when it comes to lifelong commitment instead of having my choice made for me without any say so, and then having my mind altered by monster mana so I can’t even think against it anymore? I know that KC uses tons of hyperbole and that we also headcanon a lot of his stuff, and also that most monster girls would make perfect, caring, and loving wives that would be 10x better then some human thot anyway, but it’s still extremely disconcerting to me to have the concept of being forced into a lifelong decision without any say in the matter. No matter how good the deal would be, I still want it to be my choice.

>>383561

Chaos Eros cultists are no match for a Son of Dorn.

>>383634

Seems like most /monster/ content these days is either:

1. Basically a traditional romance story where choice is at the very least implied.

2. A comedy where over the top monster girl libido is used for humorous effect. (I don't think a story where Anon prioritizes painting his minis over finding a waifu and must defend his "fortress" from beseiging angels is intended to be taken super cereal.)

The most straightforwardly "rapey" stories I can remember recently were in the delinquents thread. Which makes sense given the thread theme, and even that thread had a greentext themed pretty strongly in your direction: >>370972

I guess I can see what you're saying for some stuff, but that's hardly all that gets made here. All I can really suggest is making sure to give anons posting stuff you like precious (you)'s or better yet try making some stuff yourself showing your ideal of what a monstergirl is. I think it's a lot of fun seeing what everyone else comes up with. Mana sense letting monstergirls detect guys they're compatible with before proactive dating commences is patrician tier.

>>383620

2 thin coats nigga. also just jump into it, you're not going to get any better thinking about it.

>>383561

Why not simply explain that you will find love after you finish painting? It’s true enough, and it’ll get them off your back.

>>383634

To be fair, part of the endgame of the DL in mge is to make the monsters chill out a little on that front. The reason they’re so rape happy is because while the DL was able to change the “Kill Humans” setting to “Fuck humans”, she wasn’t able to turn off the “Attack Humans” one. So it just turned into “Attack Humans with your genitals”.

If the DL gets enough power, she’ll be able to fix this and the monsters won’t actively assault people nearly as much.

It’s like the “No sons” issue. You can just headcanon a setting in the future after the DL fixed all of the settings.

I just lost an almost complete draft

I'm going to go cry for a bit

>>383654

Sometimes you just need to let it out, no shame in that fag.

>>383655

No. A true son of Dorn would not cry. I shall go optimize my Adeptus Mechanicus list. Only then with I try once more.

>>383656

I bet they all cried when the top lemon got killed by berserker spam.

>>383620

>Do you paint, then glue? Or glue, then paint?

Glue, paint in sub-assemblies and final glue. For example, the new primaris chaplain is going to be painted in 5 different sub-assemblies.

>>383659

>anyone who busts one of my forts is Perturabo

Cry more Lemon it won't bring him back

>>383375

>>383485

>>383493

>>383544

>>383561

>not wanting to be with the Daughters of Sanguinius

What the fuck are you, a heretic?

>>383678

A true son of Dorn values his fortress and craft first.

>inb4 Brother-Captain Anon's fortress monsterizes and becomes his waifu

>>383680

A true son of dorn prepares defenses to be used against his defenses.

>>383561

>be me, Brother Captian Anon of the Imperial Fists. Proud Son of our Primarch-Progenetor Rogal Dorn

>The angels presence continues to vex me

>I click on the outside microphone

<"All you must do is open your hear to Eros, then-"

>I click off the outside microphone

>the preaching is what makes them unbearable

>Thankfully, the door is thick enough to where I can barely hear them

>but, this only prompts them to speak louder

>flashing on the monitors alerts me to one of them, the leader I believe, attempting to gain my attention

>I might as well humor her

"Speak."

>she smiles, thinking she has acheved some small victory

<"Kind sir, won't you please allow us in? All we wish to do is help you find your one true love! All deserve the oneness and peace that comes when one couple with their paired soul! Won't you please let us-"

"No."

>the brief look of indignation almost makes me laugh

>almost

<"But kind sir, all-"

>I click off the microphone and power down the monitor

>Now, Venerable Brother Tornus need to be shaded

>Some hours passed

>the angels are up to something

>one of them, the leader, has disappeared some time ago

>the other two, the subordinates, have stood guard silently

>neither of them have said a word

>I've checked and rechecked several times that the video feed was live and not tampered with

>it is time for questioning

"You, the one I threw the apple at."

>she flinches heavily

"Where has your leader."

>she does not respond

>very well disciplined

>another hour passes before the leader returns

>fully kitted in pink SWAT gear

>this can't be good

<"Good sir, this is your last chance! Please come out willingly, I would rather not wish to do what comes next!"

>then lifts something from a carry bag

>my silence speaks volumes

<"Very well. The Light of Eros reaches all, even in those in the darkest of depths."

>she places the object onto the door

<"BREACH BREACH BREACH!"

>>383722

Do what your legion specializes in and breach one of their hymen.

>>383724

>implying I'm an Iron Warrior

We Imperial Fists are The other end of Siege experts. I defend my virginity to the last, as is expected by my Lord.

>>383722

>SWAT breaching tactics

>Against a brother-captain of the Imperial Fists

Laughable.

>>383727

You can't tell me you don't want to show her your third solarite gauntlet, at least just a little bit.

>>383690

>anti-defenses defenses monsterize as well

>mecha fight for anon's virginity

>anon is just painting in the background

>>383722

Just fucking tell them you’re obsessing over your figurines and will humor their spiel in a couple of weeks you colossal sperglord.

>>383738

You don't understand you are never done painting

>>383738

How would I test the strength of my defenses then?

>>383738

They're zealots, they wouldn't listen anyway.

>>374336

God you're such a fag

>>383561

>apple

>not lemon

A week with the pain glove for you, anon.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to get insults thrown my way for this, but the anon in this WH40K-focused story sounds like an alp in the making. He ignores/dislikes mamonos so much he avoids their presence completely, prefers to spend days obsessing over models of muscular hairy guys while slathering them with oil and paints, and if his taste in Chapters is any indication, is heavily into BDSM. It'd be more shocking if this story doesn't end with him alping and sucking the dick of some Dorn-lookalike, given just how hard the author is working to indicate just how much said anon dislikes females but loves Space Marines.

Go ahead and sage me for not sucking up, it doesn't change that my criticism of this story and the personality of the protagonist are perfectly valid and draw entirely from what has been written. This story is the equivalent of someone writing an 18+ doujin only to not have a single drop of 18+ content within.

>>383759

>thinking only of sex

>not appreciating a man's autism for building and painting miniatures above all else

>not appreciating the autist's grand fortress made to block out temptations so that he may complete his most holy craft

You disappoint me. Besides, any two bit schmuck here can write some smut. We're surrounded by lewd here. After enough exposure to it, autistic dedication to things not sexual stand out more and are thus more fun to read. In short, you're a faggot.

>>383759

>literally says he just wants to get his shit done before getting busy with a wife

<that means he hates women is closet homo and if you disagree you are wrong

Are you a woman?

>>383759

So because the brother captain wants to paint his miniatures without distraction makes him a queer? Are you retarded?

Also

>hating on the imperial fists

Sounds like chaos scum is still salty about the imperial fists launching their counter crusade and destroying all their precious little fortresses

>>383758

Yes, let me just casually take a bite out of a lemon, skin and all. IF are autistic but they aren't stupid.

>>383759

Someone needs to develop better reading skills. Skimming isn't productive towards understanding a piece of literature.

>>383680

inb4 Brother-Captain Anons fortress is a shoggoth

>>383844

>not an actual fortress girl if we have ship girls, we can have fortress girls

>not having her be equally as autistic as our brother-captain here

>not having her regard Dorn as her primarch as well

>>383774

>>383760

Yeah I log on to monster to keep current on GW shill action figure franchise rather than romance or lewds. Particularly in a first date thread.

I kinda liked Dornanon's autism for the first two posts. If anon just wants to cuntblock for 15k words there is a paladin thread for that.

>>383910

>log on

>monster

Go away

>>383910

Dude there's mountains of smut in almost every other thread. If you want smut, go find smut.

>>384011

It'll never be.

>>384012

Never ever is a dead meme faggot

>>384011

We need to find a way to open holes into other dimensions so that one day we can meet them.

>>383722

brother we are still waiting on your combat report!

>>384016

If never ever is a dead meme, then why don't we have monster girls yet?

Really activates those almonds.

>>384082

Just because something hasn't happened yet it doesn't mean it'll never happen.

Nigger pill worst pill, either you start working towards it or you stop bitching that it's taking too long.

>>384085

Sorry to break it to you, but we're never going to get them. They are fictional and going to stay that way.

Portals are just plain impossible.

Robot girls would just be really elaborate sex dolls with no waifu programming, 3dpd programming, or would just be banned because of the feefees of feminist dykes. That's if there's enough of a market to even try making monster girl boots. I doubt anyone here would be able to make one before they die anyway.

Also, blackpill is the most realistic pill when you seeing how hopelessly fucked everything is.

>>384089

Bots, not boots.

Do not skin monster girls to make boots out of them.

>>384089

>Portals are just plain impossible.

Portals are currently impossible, but that's not necessarily permanent considering every once in a while we found out we fucked up and physics doesn't work as we thought it did.

Not to mention that the chance of an alien race similar to a mg existing isn't zero. Though it's pretty low even without impregnatin, and will most likely come with monster boys.

>Robot girls would just be really elaborate sex dolls with no waifu programming

Nothing preventing you from learning programming and making/modifying to at least have a basic waifu personality.

>or would just be banned because of the feefees of feminist dykes

So? Guns are banned in most of the world, pizza is banned virtually everywhere, yet they keep being made, sold and shared illegally.

To think that sex bots won't exist is just plain stupid. There's a market, so there will be a product, the only problem is that it may be really fucking expensive.

Also, in regards to software, you're retarded if you think there won't be at least a basic autistic community for creating and sharing waifu AI for jailbroken sex bots.

>That's if there's enough of a market to even try making monster girl boots

It wouldn't be that expensive to mod a sex bot, depending on how far you want to go with it. The biggest problem would be software.

>I doubt anyone here would be able to make one before they die anyway.

That depends on what you mean by "make one".

>spoiler

That doesn't mean you're not being a little bitch.

The world is fucked, that's true, but just saying "the world is fucked so let's just give up and suck cock" isn't going to fix anything.

Either you work towards a better future and discuss alternatives or you shut the fuck up.

>>384096

AY MAMI

>>384125

the future has tons of potential for monstergirls.

>the designer baby childhood friend who has the body of an amazon. Dreams of having a natural pregnancy.

>the servant race girl that basically worships the ground you walk on.

>the gen IV companionship robot that loves that you picked an older model like her.

>the gen X companionship robot that is functionally a nanobot shoggoth, she loves talking to you, even though you are tiny.

>aliens of all shapes and sizes

It didn't happen, I am a bad person, and I don't feel bad about the bad things I do

wouldn't put that on a monster girl

>>384152

What are you on about?

>>384156

monster girls don't go after bad men

>>384158

we'll get you a mindflayer to fix you just wait with your linkin park on loop until then.

>>384160

sounds easy enough

tell her to make me able to draw well

>>384163

You'll certainly think you can.

>>384164

okay, then just make her make me crave drawing practice

>>384150

You inspired me, Brother-Captain Anon of the Imperial Fists, to be a better man.

So has the poster below you, but now for the same reasons I assure you. Least he has the decency to sage

>tfw if monster girls existed, i'd probably avoid them to prevent them being utterly disappointed and disgusted should they somehow take interest in me

>>384150

Good shit, m8.

>>384150

truly among the great Brother Captains to have served the Legion

art of this mans unrivaled autism when

>>384150

I want more 40k autist/monstergirl write-faggotry. This is good shit Brother-Captain Anon it is also giving my motivation to get to my plastic crack backlog.

Brother-Captain, the Emperor approves of your actions.

>>383634

I'd say 90% of the stories here are self-inserts and more than 5% are CYOAs.

Yes you get raped, but you get raped by whom you want to be with anyway.

Which ultimately means that that's just how it goes. You have a choice and you get your waifu. It's just her who picks you physically, but you already picked her mentally

.

>be me

>/fit/ fag

>wake up at 4:30 in the morning like usual to go to the gym

>scrolling through 8shit while drinking coffee before leaving for gym

>see multiple threads about portals in the sky

>bullshit

>gotta be elaborate shitposting

>finish coffee and start to jog the 1.5 miles to gym

>less than a quarter mile in, hear a loud crack nearby

>its a fucking portal in the sky

>those weebs on /monster/ were right

>mamono pouring out of the portal like some kind of horny liquid

>stop running to weigh my options

>don't think I could make it to the gym with intact hips

>don't think I'll make it home either

>suddenly hear one of them yell at me

<"He's mine girls!"

>literal fire in her eyes

>nope.gif

"I think the fuck not"

>bolt in the opposite direction

>varsity cross-country has trained me for this

>I can hear her just out of arm's reach behind me as my house comes into view

>the sounds of paw pads and claws striking pavement stop as I pass a crosswalk

>look back and see nothing

>ohthankgod.jpg

>run to my house and fumble with the keys to get the door open

>finally unlock the door when a big meaty paw grabs my hand and turns the knob

<"Nice place, it's rather sweet of you to invite me in"

>realized I'm fucked whether I like it or not

>turn back to look at my demise

>opens the door and pushes me down onto my back

>rips off my pants and begins the strugglesnuggle

And that, kids, is why there is a dip in the carpet by the front door

>Never sleep well, job is shit

>wake up, can't move, can't see

>but it's nice and warm so, no complaints. cold as fuck weather lately

>figure i wrapped myself in blankets in the middle of the night

>try to get out of bed

>get loose after a few minutes of trying

>set off for a standard day

>shower, breakfast,

>still half asleep

>go out and start car,

>giant portals ripping open the sky

>Yeah… gonna call out work today

>not paid enough to deal with this shit

>go back inside

>lay in bed

>covered in warmth again

>"hello anon~"

>warmth is talking to me

>"what's wrong? girl of your dreams not good enough?"

>rub the sleep from my eyes

>realize there is a kitsune in bed with me

>Pull tails and blankets over both of us

>"oh, snuggle time then? alright~"

>both go to sleep wrapped up together

>will deal with the monmusu-pocalypse after well rested.

>>384646

How did she get inside?

>>384647

Don't answer that.

what do i care how, got cutie fox and bundle of fluffy tails to snug, if she broke in will deal with that later, not like anyone is gonna have time for looting my place with the DOTR happening.

>>383759

Sage isn't a downvote you fucking aborted alp.

>be token white male in the diversity group of Avengers.

>Told every day that I'm an "evil white supemacist"

>Then why am I using arcane magic to heal the fifteen gunshot wounds you sustained charging a guy with a M60?

>Investigating building connected to the Hatemonger. Owned it 10 years ago, probably nothing.

>Find secret room with hexes everywhere and a book in the middle.

>They translate to, "when Hatemonger says the magic words, summon 42,069 of each creature in this book,"

>Book containes a bunch of dragons and crap who hate non-whites and want to facilitate the white race by mind-controlling women.

>He planned on activating it a week from now

>Think of the three volumes of "Monster Girl Encyclopedia" you have at home.

>Go back to base

>Get mge, calling it "additional research"

>Switch his monster book with yours

>Disguide his book so that it looks like yours.

>Add digits to the rune numbers

>Burn his actual book

>Say you found nothing

>>384702

If you are going to do a comic book related thing I would give more time to the set up. It's felt clunky and if you had expanded and set it up a bit I don't think it would feel as jarring.

>>384702

Thanks for the feedback! I can make a revision to put on another platform.

>>384705

>1 week passes

>All the avengers are assembled

>No indication that my books were tampered with.

>Hatemonger is monolouging.

> As per regulation we are just letting h do it

>Getonwithit.mov

>The portals open.

>"And now FACE YOUR DOOM!"

A yeti comes out and asks for hugs.

A jubjub raped me while I was laughing my but off with the other avengers

>>384757

>give her my eggs

Did she have to eat all of them?

>be me

>partaking in a mundane action

>guys I work I’m not underageb& i swear

>oh my god it’s my specific waifu from over 200 possible species from a porn setting

>but I’m suspicious despite being a neck beard who has jerked himself off to this shit for years

>wow it’s just like my Chinese cartoons

>haha I’m being raped and it’s totally surprising

>here’s a roleplay statement or entry level in-joke to conclude my story

Guys check out my epic OC, who says this board is dying :^)

>>384773

Go on

>>384773

Lol holstaur faggot is mad he didn't get his milkies.

>>384789

I fucking love this series

First time writing a green text, but I'm gonna give it a shot.

>Be me

>Be Marine doing a yearly field OP in the middle of a desert.

>It's about 2 months long, middle of nowhere.

>Not allowed to bring phones, write letters or any of that for some reason.

>So no news on what's going on in the world, not like most us cared anyway.

>Last few weeks of the op, we get a Moto speech about being killers and devil dogs.

>Aye first Sargent, rah

>Start packing up everything but still need watch, because fuck us.

>Since I'm an 0331, machine Gunner, I gotta sit in one of the towers with my support.

>We bullshit mostly, we're on watch for 8 hours so we got time to kill.

>Next thing I know, my support points out something moving in the dark.

>A big ass snake or something, asked if I wanna shoot it.

>Tell him to shine a light on it, see what it is, then, maybe.

>The spot light flickers on, support moved it a bit to follow up a big ass tail.

>Thinking about that time I ate raw snake for a bet.

>Easy 50 bucks, just needed some mayo.

>Both of us froze for a second when the top was, well, not a snake.

>It was a chick with tan skin, massive tits and white hair.

>Don't think I can eat that snake. At least not the same way I ate the other.

>I think she winked at us. Yup, she blew a kiss.

>I didn't need to ask, support handed me the black gear.

"COC, this is over watch 3, there is activity, south west of the FOB, break. Appears to be, uh, break"

>That shit was called a Naga or something right?

>Support shrugs, he don't fucking know.

"Snake, girl? Permission to engage."

"Watch 3 did you just say snake girl, over."

>We take another look at it, the thing is looking at us with 'fuck me' eyes, doing that one finger beckoning thing.

"Correct, a snake girl. Over"

>No response, the girl wasn't going anywhere.

>Oh shit she's belly dancing now, she is in a spot light I guess

>She's pretty fucking good actually.

"Alright, the fuck do you mean, snake girl?" Gunny walked all the way over here.

>Had a small heart attack, looking down at the pissed off staff NCO.

>Climbs the tower and snatches the binoculars, looking at the lewd sight.

"That's a fucking snake girl. That shit is real, who fucking knew."

>Aye Gunny. Do we shoot it?

>Gunny looks at me, then support, then back to the girl still showing off her stuff.

"Shoot near her, she cant be near the FOB. Just scaring her off will suffice."

>Aye Gunny, sight in, support gives me all the info I need, adjust the tri-pod.

>Send a burst about three feet to the right of her.

>Freezes, goes as pale as a ghost before turning and running, or I guess slithering into the night.

"That's the end of that gents. I'll right up the report to the CO and first Sgt." Gunny says seeing here slither away.

>It probably wasn't, but I still had 6 more hours of watch, so I don't care.

>>384828

More plz, I wanna see marine anon get SNEK’D as revenge for spooking her.

>>3384828

Imagine the libo briefs. Base housing and IPAC would be pissed because of all the guys leaving the barracks at once and all the dependapotamai and other roasties getting butthurt because the MGs would make then look bad and snatch their meal tickets(least with the latter, dependas would probably just hate having MGs around for some stupid reason.) I wouldn't put it past any chain of command to ban the marines from going near MGs for no other reason than to make them miserable.

>>384828

I'm open for people criticize my work, I wanna get better.

>>384833

My original idea was base life then getting restrictions up the ass, but I thought most people here wouldn't understand base life.

>The next few hours pass slowly, nothing interesting happened.

>My support, Jones, says he kept seeing snakes slithering around in the dark.

>Says he's seeing other shit too, bird girls and big ass spiders, normal desert shit.

>I didn't care, we're in a FOB, everyone had guns and we had watch everywhere.

>If any snake girls happen to pull some funny shit, well, they'd get fucking slayed.

>At 0200 are shift ends, the next team come up, asking how we're doing while getting set up.

Alright, tired, I wanna drink but it's secured, saw a snake girl and shot at her, saw two vultures fight, yeah, bout it.

>The new watch didn't seem to care, woken up early to stand and do nothing, lookin like zombies.

>They take over as we go to get 3 hours of sleep before PT.

>I just take off my boots, fall face first on my rack, fell asleep in seconds.

>Blissful three hours on an uncomfortable cot, in a hot as fuck CMU with at least two people beating there meat in here.

>Why is there always someone beating their meat? Why?

>But, sleep is sleep, you get what you can when you can really.

>Then, in what seemed like a second after I closed my eyes.

REVELRY REVELRY REVELRY

>I look over, see a motivated PFC, hasn't been in long enough to hate life yet.

>I'll make him hate life, we need to prep for gas attacks anyway.

>Totally not hazing.

>Go out in boots and utes, standing in a formation waiting for our Gunny or First Sgt to come PT us.

>Hear some shit about the DOTR, didn't care, Jones was telling me about some anime about a slime.

>Wasn't a big cartoon guy, Jones got mad at that comment.

>An hour passed, when we finally see them coming up.

>Wait, is that the fucking 1st Lieutenant?

>God damn it, adventure run.

Alright killers, who's ready for a motivated adventure run? I know I'm ready, can I get a oorah!?

>Rah sir.

>First Sgt gave us the knife hand of Doom, so we'd put out.

>Simple plan, 8 mile run to the top hill back breaker and back.

>Now, being an 0331 I'm big as fuck, I'm 6'4 and 255 pounds of all muscle from carrying a heavy fucking gun all the time

>Running isn't my strong suit, I get a first class casue I max max relax.

>All I've been doing on deploments is lifting and MCMAP.

>When the run started I fell back into the turtle group.

>Wasn't that bad honestly, until the hill.

>All 45 degrees up hill on moon dust, fuck this.

>When we got to the top I was dead. Or close to it.

>We had a quick 15 to use the head, drink water and cool off, I went off to take a piss.

>Walk far enough away, I find a bush to water.

>Then, I hear rattling. Fucking rattlesnake, really?

>I start to pull my pants back up when I see something at the corner of my eye

>A flash white hair, a chill down my spine then the rattling got louder.

>>384839

Fucking motofags.

Fucking pogs trying to get motivation up.

Never was in the military, but heard enough about these cunts.

>>384840

>>384839

In my experience, I'd call it somewhere brtween boarding school(never treated like an adult if you're in the barracks or in a hooch, even as an NCO) and prison(lots of retarded rules and abuse, fraud and waste). Some of the worst motards were grunts because that's all they knew, amd heaven forbid you put them on H&S. Doesn't excuse POGery, but 1st term retention is below 20% for a reason.

Anyways, keep up the posts, Anon

>>384839

A note, Anon doesn't know about monster girls, so he doesn't know they just wanna fuck and have a husband.

>It felt just like boot camp all over again.

>I stink, I'm sweating, I'm scarred and I'm trying to put my pants on as fast as possible.

>The second I redo my belt I get a shiver down my spine.

>My MCMAT skills kick in and I did what I was trained to do without thinking.

>I tactical roll out of the way of her tail as fast as I can.

>She just narrowly missed but the rattling just got louder.

>I get in my combat stance, taking a moment to look over my target.

>Yup it's the same one, from last night.

>Now I've seen some good looking girl in my tours, but fuck.

>She has this, sculptured, toned body that look like it made of stone.

>Those kind of breasts that would make most girls jealous.

>The only article of clothing she has is a loin cloth.

>I don't know if those eyes are saying I'm gonna eat you, but I'm full of adrenaline.

>I'm gonna assume she wants to eat me.

>Selfdefense.jpeg

>My heart was starting to race as the fight or fight mindset took hold.

If you wanna eat me, I'm going down with a fight!

>She looked at me very confused for a second, trying to say something I cut her off.

>I rushed her, but she just went from confused to smug.

>I try my best to throw a punch, elbows, anything, but I was so drained from the run.

>She dodged each attack with ease, she was even taunting me.

>Dragging her finger nails on my neck and flicking my ear with her weird snake tongue.

>I was getting more and more frustrated with this shit.

>I decided to throw the hail Mary and tackle her ass, hoping to put her in head lock.

>But when I take her to the ground, I think she, moaned?

>What ever, I tried to get behind her but fuck is she flexible.

>No matter where I went she could move around to be facing me.

>Before I knew it, she managed to grab my head pulling me into a kiss.

>My body felt heavy, my arms fell, then it hits me.

>Fucking poison, right, rattlesnakes are poisonous.

>My body seized up, her tail wrapped around me, this was the end.

>Had a pretty good run, I slayed bodies, drank a whole bottle of jack once and had a fat ribbon stack.

>I could die happy.

>She broke the kiss, a single strand of salvia connected us until she ran her thumb over my lips.

>She looked at me with that smug fucking smile again.

Did you really think I was going to eat you? You where the most handsome man I think I've ever seen. It was love at first sight.

>Didn't hear a fucking thing she said, her tits where right in my face.

>When I looked at her face, god damn, her eyes are this bright crimson red.

>She was actually pretty cute not that I could see her up close.

>Her tail coiled around me tighter, I groaned, hearing my joints crack.

Oh fuck me, could yo-

>She cuts me off with another kiss, more poison I guess?

With pleasure my future husband.

>Oh no.

>>384851

>retard dosen't have a "boot" knife strapped to each appendage

>literally asking to get jumped on the pot

I get that the objective of the story is for waifu's and what not, but come on. I meme a lot but having a holdover is serious business.

>>384851

>Oh fuck me, could yo-

>With pleasure my future husband.

sensiblechuckle.gif

>>384851

Your English skills could use some work. I’ve spotted a few spelling errors and malapropisms.

>I'll right up the report

>At 0200 are shift ends

>I stink, I'm sweating, I'm scarred

The tense of a sentence should also be consistent.

>I just take off my boots, fall face first on my rack, fell asleep in seconds.

There’s also some other stuff but I’m not going to harass you over apostrophe and comma usage.

>>384828

>machine gunner

Might as well just say rock eater

>>384939

>observe the windows at the rear of the house

>the blinds are down, but the shadow of someone trying to peek inside is obvious

>the shadow moves from window to window, circling the entire house

>can't see me

>after an tense hour of hide and seek, the shadow finally fucks off

>dial 911 on the phone to report suspicious activity, get nothing but a dial tone

>fucking hell

>wonder when the scout will return with a crowbar, trash bag, and a friend

>try browsing the web to see if there was an alternative way to contact the local police department

>cellular data is super slow, browser times out

>try using home internet on my laptop

>same results, high latency and sub dial-up speeds

>what the hell is going on with TT&T

>guess I'll be taking matters into my own hands when they show up

>and play the waiting game for the rest of the day

>not sure how to pass time without a sound, my hearing will likely be the first sense to detect unwelcome company

>decide to run drills through the house for the rest of the day

>no one ever returns

>they better have they found another house to rob

>plenty of better targets in the area, the kind of people who store junk in the garage and their new car in the driveway

>still keep quiet and have pistol in arms reach in case of return

>sleep light through the night

>nothing happens

>return to DEFCON 5

>wake up next morning

>groggy as shit from what almost qualifies as sleep

>check around the house, find everything in place

>check front door again, this time, opening it up and looking outside

>no packages, no notes, no newspaper or anything

>close up and return to a normal morning

>in the middle of breakfast, phone starts vibrating like mad

>bombarded with a burst of email and texts

>I'm on surprise vacation, I owe you niggers nothing

>internet and phone must be back up

>decide to check it out once I'm ready for the day

>look at weather on laptop as if I was leaving the house for work

>notice interesting news article in the corner

>read it

>society shocked at the sudden mass appearance of monsters

>>384940

>everything about it was confusing

>they swarmed out of a portal in the middle of the city

>there were many varieties, and they were all female

>and among them, consent is a myth

>there were reports of men getting fucked out in their yards

>and reports of men even getting fucked in their sleep

>there was no doubt that monsters loved big hard throbbing cocks

>we were only a small city, the incident alone sank the unmarried male population like a rock

>I was now statistical improbability

>all because I decided not to go outside

>no wonder why my boss contacted me yesterday, he was for sure caught in the middle of it

>at least they weren't hostile invaders

>the portal showed no signs of closing and more monsters were on the prowl

>yeah, I'm going to wait this one out

>the question now was how I would save myself for "The one" in this shitstorm

>start doing more research

>the monsters have been open and upfront about their own biology, perplexing everyone

>every hour, a few new medical journals show up

>while each race have their own mannerisms, common traits are obvious

>an innate ability to sense marital status, as they leave their mark on their mates

>or property if you asked one of them

>I don't particularly look forwards to being some monster's property

>especially the hellhounds, who have quite a wild reputation for being unstoppable

>it also gives me an idea

>if I want to get by with monsters on the hunt, I need to be stereotyped, I need to be classified as "property"

>fire up e2p, time to surf the dark web

>post a W2B ad in the marketplace

>want to buy 250ml of hellhound drippings with night delivery to a dead drop in the local park for 0.25 eShekels

>should be more than enough

>please let there be another e2p user with access to a hellhound could deliver

>they would have to be in this city as well due to the portal's location and timing

>take a break from the computer to "walk" around the house

>the name's Bong

>James Bong

>practice sneaking around the house again, dipping into shadows, brandishing a finger pistol

>the living room turns into the park where the dead drop will be

>and I become the embodiment of speed, stealth, and momentum

>chairs become trees, couch becomes a bush, and the windows become lights

>with one quick motion, I lift a black hard case from behind the edge of the table

>roll into daylight

>>384941

>fuck, messed it up

>practice a few more times so I stay in the shadows

>satisfied, I cut the act, and go back to my computer

>got one reply

>an explicit picture of him collecting and bottling from a hellhound, he asks for the location

>send him the latitude and longitude of the park, and circle a spot in the park's playground gravel

>get a confirmation response, and send him the eShekels

>feeling a little livid for the transaction, for I risk going outside alone

>have some dinner and watch the sky darken from the glowing orange as the sun sets

>suit up in some black operating clothing to match the dark of night

>slick my hair back

>and put on some sports shades

>out in the night, I've become transparent

>faithful to my theoretical significant other, loyal to no monster

>take the hard case and head into the garage

>get in my super advanced stealth car

>it uses an electric motor to move silent and quick in the city

>its slick and futuristic body cuts though wind without a sound

>and a gas motor for the highway, gets good gas mileage

>brodozer drivers flip me the bird and roll coal on it, they're jealous of my stealth and efficiency

>leave my house and head over to the park

>park behind the library about a block away and continue on foot

>stay out of fluorescent light from the library's sign

>look back and see a monster

>I freeze harder than a coffin nail

>sliver hair, pointy ears, dark skin, can confirm a dark elf

>she hadn't noticed me at all, tucked away in a sleeping bag under the entrance's overhang

>only other thing was a hiking backpack

>too late for her since all the men in the city are now taken

>she must have made some stupid fucking mistakes that left her homeless

>how is somebody homeless, just get a house

>bet that she won't bother me since she is out cold

>continue down the street with the hard case

>each flickering street lamp is now a security laser, guarding a precious museum piece

>dance though the laser show like a suave thief, and make it to the other side of the street

>finally in the park

>even the moon was now starting to be more of laser light as well

>take cover in the trees, peeking out before moving to the next

>see no monsters in the area, other than the dark elf across the street

>>384942

>sneak over to the playground, exposing myself

>proceed to place the hard case in the gravel to act as the dead drop

>tuck and roll to get out of the moonlight and find distant cover

>now I know what it's like to be a vampire out in the sun

>take a deep breath and try to calm down

>before too long, hear a droning noise in the distance

>it sounds like a wetback lawn crew

>some asshole niggerbastard on his dirt bike enters the park

>his bike had no concern for stealth

>it sounded like an overpowered weed eater, and billowed blue smoke everywhere

>that dark elf has got to be awake right now

>he rides right up to the dead drop and places the promised goods inside

>he revs the piss out of it, doing a wheelie as he exits

>I guess his delivery flavor was expedience rather than stealth

>should have made it clear that stealth was not optional for this mission

>wait, frozen in fear, observing the dark elf

>allegedly, they're more preceptive, and I can't blow my cover now

>those ears might even catch satellite radio

>after a moment of looking in the direction of the biker, she lied back down

>wait for her to fall back to sleep, better safe than sorry

>after about half an hour, I slide through the moonlight and take the hard case

>and slide right back into cover

>repeat the laser dance through the street, and make it back to the library

>head back to my stealth cruiser, and creep around the parking lot and into the street

>check my mirror again and again for anyone in pursuit

>arrive home untouched

>mission accomplished

>take the goods inside

>get some rest for the next day

>find it a little hard to calm down

>borderline insomniac if you asked me

>not sure what to do

>most people would have a smoke or take another pill

>not me though

>get up out of bed and wander to the liquor cabinet

>two shots of vodka

>enough to sedate without a hangover

>get on the couch and read a book with a dim red light

>fuck, reading a car repair manual sure is boring

>>384943

>wake up on the couch

>ponder how I'm going to spend the rest of the week as I set my morning routine to automatic

>not sure what any of my friends are doing

>they've fallen prey to the monsters, I know it

>chained to a bed with a monster on them bouncing up and down up and down up and down

>they're might not want to go to the range, play woodsball, or at the very least, play computer games right now

>decided to spend time reading more about these monsters

>details about their mission and motives are now available to read

>some time ago, there was a regime change that changed them from murderers to perverts

>it was like reading about another world like ours

>a bunch of different regions with different cultures and populations

>so painting with a broad brush for the sake of convenience was harder to do

>still, they all reached a consensus about coming here

>as for this city, not sure why us

>decided to read up on elves and dark elves, like the homeless one I saw yesterday

>it was quite interesting, as there are "normal" ones and monstrous ones

>I guess I try to see where the homeless one fit in and test out the hellhound essence

>rub a little all over my neck and face, its rather slippery

>doesn't have much of an odor

>leave the house, except walk rather than drive

>no monster bats an eye at me, it must be working pretty well

>make it to the library after a long walk, dark elf is still at the entrance

>she's reading a book and cooking something on an oil burner

>her tattered leather clothes almost matched her sleeping bag

>her equipment doesn't look like it's from this world

>she notices me staring at her

<"What do you want?"

>she doesn't sound too happy

"You sound upset. Why is that?"

>she looks up from her book

<"I don't want to talk about it. If you're here to gloat, fuck off,"

>she projects a potent forlorn aura

>being in her presence makes me feel sad

"Hey, I'm not here to gloat. I'll listen to you,"

>it seemed to help, but she didn't seem 100% convinced

"Apologies, I'm Anon."

>she places a string in her book to mark the page and closes it

<"Asta"

>I sat down against a concrete window divider that made up the wall

"So, Asta. Why are you upset?"

>>384944

<"Can't you see? Look at me, I failed,"

>she spread her arms out presenting her situation

<"This was my second chance, and failure me blew it."

>this was getting quite interesting

>I can only imagine what stupid fucking mistakes she may have made

"Second chance?"

>Asta sighed and hung her head in shame

<"It's a long story. Why do you even care?"

>from the way she speaks, it sounds like she sense the hellhound on me

"Why do I care? I'm a curious person,"

>she looks back up with indifference

"Second chance huh. What happened the first time?"

<"I was doing just fine JUST FINE in the elf society, adopted and raised there my whole life. Just fine as a dark elf among their kind."

>bringing up the subject agitated Asta

<"And then this fucking cunt Druella came over and corrupted part of my village,"

>the name sounded familiar from my research, royalty or something

<"Even though I was not affected, THEY said I WAS, and THEY BANISHED ME!"

>Asta was breathing quite hard and her fists balled up

>I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable

<"My 'Family' and my 'Friends' stuck me in the back with knives! Disowned me on the spot, right on the fucking spot. All those years I spent growing up there meant NOTHING to them."

>that was too much for my heart to hear, I had to interject

"They betrayed you like that? No questions asked? I'm sorry, but what the fuck."

<"They left me out to ROT in the wilderness. I'll never fucking forgive them."

>she let out a heavy sight, like an enormous weight had lifted off her chest

"Asta, a lot of people in this world would say you should forgive them. Don't. Never let someone tell you how you should feel about what happened to you."

>there was a look of shock on her face

<"Wait what?"

>I nod my head

"Yes, they are that entitled to how you should feel. They don't particularly care for understanding your perspective or feelings. They just want to force you to feel 'happy' so they can feel better about themselves."

>Asta put put a hand up to her face and her pointy ears drooped down

<"They sound like arrogant assholes who all suck. Shoving shit under the carpet as you'd say, right?"

"Yeah. They're a world wide cult too."

>she let out a frustrated breath through her nose

>she looks back up to me, it was the first time I saw her smile

<"At least you're not one of THEM Anon. T-Thanks."

>her ears crept back up

"So, what did you do to survive?"

>she seemed to be cooling off and calming down

<"I wandered around in the wilderness, eventually hanging around the outskirts of some non-elf town. Fuck elves. I could live though, we're just fine on survival skills."

>being alone and without a home sounded awful

>>384945

<"I was like that for months, but things got easier as I got used to it."

>Asta looked over to her stove and put the flame out

>she stirred the contents, and it smelled like a savory gumbo

<"Then there was a ream wide announcement that we'd open a portal to your human realm in a month. That was my second chance, I just knew it."

>she shook her arms a little, looking all giddy

"So what did you do?"

>Asta grabbed the handle of the pot on the stove, and scooped some food out with a spoon

<"While the other monsters practiced fucking human dolls, I studied the human."

>she had a couple of spoonfuls between speaking

<"While they obliterated sex toys, I lived in the library, studying every book they had on humans. Pair bonding, child development, relationships, dating, marriage. I studied fucking everything."

>holy shit, now that's dedication

>she finished her meal pretty fast

<"I wanted to be the perfect wife and have a perfect relationship, nothing less. I didn't want to make a mistake and fail. I didn't want to fucking fail, and look where it got me! Alone, homeless, and imprisoned in this library looking for where I went wrong. Looking for more information on humans to see if there was something I missed that fucked everything over."

>it's a shame to see her alone, she is definite wife material

>and she was sad again, it ached my heart to see

>think of the last two days, and get an idea of what to say

"Asta. Listen here. For us, the portal was a complete surprise. Everyone was caught off guard. We got rushed in a snap. Bam!"

>I crashed my palms together like a side swipe on a two lane road

<"So you're saying I wasn't fast enough? Fuck that,"

>she crossed her arms and pouted

"No. Not that you weren't fast enough. Only the easy and obvious targets got taken."

>Asta let her arms droop to her side again, I could see hope in her eyes

<"Go on, tell me more,"

"The people that save themselves for marriage are much more careful. Hey, they're pretty hard to find. But believe me, they exist."

>I had her full attention

<"How can I find one? Please Anon, I must know!"

>I stand up from the wall and stretch my legs a bit

"Just follow me. You'll be united with one by sun down. I guarantee it."

>Asta, excited, rolled up her sleeping bag and straps it to the top of her backpack

>she stuffs the cookware and book in its large pocket and slings it onto her back

>I take the first step home, and she follows

>I tread down the sidewalk at a casual pace, Asta was right on my tail

<"Anon,"

>I look behind to see her blushing

"What is it?"

<"You're the first person to completely hear me out and reach out."

>I smile

>"No need to thank me. I enjoyed our talk."

>Asta breaks eye contact, her face turns injun red

>>384946

<"I just… I can't… I'm… STOP FUCKING STUTTERING!"

>cute

<"I really envy the hellhound you're with. You must really make her feel special. But how will she be if she sees you walk home with… With me."

>buying that fluid on the dark web was so fucking worth it

"Hey. Don't worry about a thing."

<"I… I just wish I had found you first. That's all, I've said too much."

>Asta looks very nervous

>I tap the bottom of my chin three times

"Hold your head up high Asta. You know you've come a long way."

>she looks up, and a tear rolls down one of her cheeks

>we was home in almost no time

>I open the door and step in

>but Asta doesn't step inside

"Hey, are you going to come in? You don't have to be alone and homeless any more."

>she uses a sleeve to wipe her eyes

<"Yeah, I know… I know… It's just… STOP IT ASTA! This endless nightmare… It's finally over."

>she finally steps inside

>I close the door shut behind her, causing her to freeze

>Asta finally collects herself

>she looks around the house and notices something isn't quite right

<"Where is your hellhound?"

"Wait here. I'll be back."

>I walk into my bedroom and into the bathroom

>turn on the faucet and wash the ever loving shit out of my face and neck

>dry my face off with a towel

>grab the bottle

>walk back out

>Asta looks at me rather funny

>hand her the bottle

<"What's this?"

"Remember when I said people saving themselves are hard to find?"

>she opens the bottle and takes a whiff

>she lets it slip from her hands, drops it to the floor

>I can see in her mind all the gears shifting into place

>her backpack slides off and crashes on the ground

<"You sure are one clever motherfucker Anon."

>I walk into the living room and she follows me

>she is very close to me

>I point to a large mirror on the wall

"So, what do you think?"

>tears of joy run down her face

"Talk. I'm listening. So take you're time."

>Asta wraps her arms around me, and buries her face into my shirt

>I walk her over to the couch and take a seat

>hug her, run a hand though her silver hair

>she looks up at me with watery eyes

<"I've waited so long!"

>and the rest is history

https://pastebin.com/iBMwmbvt

>>384947

That was really sweet. Thanks for posting it.