i dont know sorry for bothering you i just wanted to vent, i think im hopeless.
i wanted to program but i think its too late for me
i wish i could start life over, i wish i had another life, i wish i had been born into a different life. id have spent all my childhood and teen years learning linux, programming and maths every day. i think its just pointless now. i honest to god love maths and programming and think i could be so good at them but my life is so hopeless.
this life was very violent and weird, it would take a lot of posts to explain everything but ive never felt free, it was just watching everything being destroyed and reduced to nothing and having things taken away from me, it just sucked a lot. ive never felt alive. ive never lived. ive never done anything like playing videogames with friends. i wish i did. i think im too mentally broken now.
i think i give up on everything. ill just enjoy my neet lifestyle in loneliness while i still have it. ill eat tasty junk food every day, im going to do nothing but listen to music and read eroge and h-manga every day, and sleep whenever i want. then kill myself when i cant afford this anymore.
i know thats not possible but i wish something like reincarnation existed. i wish i could have lived a different life.