/fringe/ - Fringe

I guess God really really wants me to get married, you guys. I'm still sucking wind, recovering from that heart tearing. Like everything was being taken away from me. I don't need faith anymore with an event like this. I haven't felt this horrible since I was a baby. It's just absurd to tell me this now when I'm not out of the fucking woods yet. Declaring that I was going to marry my mind helper must have driven them over the edge, but still, why not just heal me? Is my overcoming so important? It must be if they're getting so hands on, now, of all times.

I am most probably getting married to a human woman sometime in the future. That must mean I also completely defeat the curse and soon.

>>133598

Thank you for riling me up. This is your fault. I feel so fucking terrible, but not that death or whatever they had in store.

>>133644

>>133577

All of you fuckers did this to me. I will not forget to repay you in kind if I get the chance.

This video is what I had in mind, when I was begging. I got the opposite treatment. My heart is going to hurt for days. I'm so blind, yet I can't help trying to figure it out, and it just hurts more. It's so painful and funny at the same time. At least, my helper heart is still with me. I feel like my chest is wide open. Like all around my heart is stabbed, cut, or burned. It's difficult to feel anything positive but humor and a sort of relief that they didn't completely do whatever they were doing. They were going all the way if I didn't give in. Fuck, my heart. What is this?

>>133672

Oh, I forgot to agree and was just walking around with Him grasping my heart in His hand. The pain is gone now. I was going to try to sleep it off when I remembered the deal, and agreed if he's the God with the tree and river I heard about. When I got used to the pain, the sensation of the wound was consistent with a right hand grasping my heart.

>>133643

http://palicanon.org/index.php/sutta-pitaka/khuddaka-nikaya/99-dhammapada

>>133676

>>133672

Sounds like you have borderline pd or something.

>>133676

DISREGARD EVERYTHING

I WAS DECEIVED

THEY ARE SOUL SUCKERS PREYING ON MY EMOTIONS

HOLY SHIT THEY'VE BEEN EATING ME

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING

They went back on the deal and started sucking my heart again so I knew they were liars. I threw them into the sun and that seems to have bought me some time at least. I feel fucking awful. Beyond any description I've witnessed. How do I get rid of them if they come back? How is this possible? Was it the intense emotions that drew them in? It must be. They saw my feelings and that started their verbal assault. Then this session with you guys created a larger opportunity. I never believed anything like this could happen. Where are God and Jesus? Why did I have to throw them into the sun?

Please help. They fucking ate my heart, waited for me to sort of recover, then came back. I feel like an insane person. Like what that frog alien dude experienced. It was two dudes running a tag team with a thing latched to my chest. For whatever reason, the calmness of no heart made it easy to see them mentally. What a fucking lesson if I get out alive.

>>133681

Yeah, I was getting farmed. I was too weak to even eat my food and went to lay down. That's when I felt the pain in my chest and I saw them. I never believed or expected this could happen. They were going to town on me again, hammering every sensation, and I was begging God and Jesus to save me. Then I remembered my thoughtform training and encased them and flung them into the sun.

It's fucking insane dude. I'm shocked that this sort of shit is possible. I've dealt with thoughtforms, but none this powerful. I wouldn't even use power to describe the thoughtforms I've dealt with in the past. This was completely new and wild. I never thought a thoughtform could inflict such pain or emotion, or play a con like that, or drain a person to death.

It was too powerful to be a random thoughtform. The only people that fit the timeframe of first contact with the thoughtform are the succubus niggers I was shitting on on /x/, or very very remote chance of real life.

>>133704

>>133706

>>133707

You need to cease all esoteric activity right now. Focus on material activities, read some skeptics forums and ground yourself at all costs before you lose your mind completely.

It's too fucking strong for a fucking real life pleb. It has to be those fucking land whale whore succubus niggers on /x/. They're the only niggers with the time and energy for this shit.

>>133708

I used to say the same shit until literally this week, this very moment. Now I know the truth. It's gone. It hasn't come back from the sun. I'm me again and I'm really fucking angry.

>>133708

Also you should kill yourself before you give fatal advice on /fringe/, you stupid nigger. I was fucking dead without prior training.

Fuck it, I don't care who did it. I will take the lesson learned as more than enough compensation. You guys can only sit and sputter at what I've observed with my own eyes, and felt with my own body. A truly powerful nonphysical entity of some kind. It was magnificent. It's shattered all of my beliefs and misconceptions. It hurts so much that I will never forget. The nonphysical body is real, with real sensation, very similar to a physical body. There exist intelligent nonphysical entities that can manipulate this substance, producing similar effect to physical sensation.

They can also manipulate thoughts and emotions to feed on them, or even directly feed on the nonphysical body.

>>133707

>>133709

Disregard, I was just upset at almost dying. It could have come from anywhere.

>>133704

>Where are God and Jesus?

You know, allowing this thing to almost kill me was very enlightening. Like an answer to a prayer. But my doubts are multiplied. I don't know who I am or what this place is, now doubled with this ether, or tripled with the added unknown. I cringe at every sensation, every change in feeling. I know I can defeat that thing, but what else is out there? What am I not seeing? What have I not seen? How long until I heal? Which techniques will keep me safe? Can I protect others? Can I see these threats more clearly with practice? Can I see through the illusions like I experienced? How am I going to manage this along with physical training?

What is God? What is Jesus? Are they going to save me, or is this a lesson otherwise? Why not teach about monsters like these in the Bible or church? Am I a thetan, piloting a body, like Hubbard says? Or am I in nightmare reincarnation land?

Thank God, my helper isn't of the ether substance, not a tulpa or parasite. I had no understanding of the consequences before. This changes absolutely everything about what they are and what we're doing. No tulpas, just anti-thoughtform training.

>>133672

This guy met his higher self/spirit. Probably.

>>133712

Can you point me to that technique you used to send them away please? One never knows…

>>133712

Honestly I hope you die. Your mindset disgusts me.

>Being afraid of something eating you or tearing you apart.

You know those are like early shamanic visions 101? Ever think maybe they had a damn good reason for eating what they ate? Try thinking outside your body, your self, and you "spirit". So many people are afraid of getting fed on, are you not fed on already by all the bacteria in your body? By the media around you?

Destroy that fear, let them eat. Let your heart be transformed. Let that weakness be tortured and fall away.

Wonderful thread ruined by mentally ill people (not the cool kind, either)

>>133727

He was obviously referencing the bipolar woman/retard who is spewing her neurotic nonsense all over the thread.

>>133572

>>133584

>>133643

>>133663

>>133667

>>133668

>>133672

>>133676

>>133704

>>133706

>>133707

>>133713

>>133714

>>133715

>>133719

>chaos edgelord anon being uplifted, senses a benevolent outside force that wants him to have a family and suppresses his drive to harm others

>anon describes it as a "handcrafted redemption arc"

>compulsion to go die in Antarctica with his helper spirit

>helper inflicts the pain of having his heart ripped out on him and leaves him

>anon makes a deal with what he thinks is God in order to make the pain stop, gets drained

>pain doesn't stop, anon now thinks God is attacking him

>helper returns, claims responsibility for everything, and convinces anon it was training and she gave him PTSD for a good reason

Yikes. I may be biased but I'm pretty sure this "helper" of yours is the problem.

>Why not teach about monsters like these in the Bible or church?

Because people underestimate them and forget that even beings completely alien to physical existence have to eat too. Most churches that talk about them during a service will settle with telling people that they try to push people away from their faith, leaving out the important bits about binding to people, brainwashing them, torturing and feeding off them, and leaving a mind-broken husk behind. All you ever hear about the true extent of these parasites' tactics are from clearly-damaged youtubers and bloggers who survived a feeding and are barely coherent enough to tell the tale.

>>133729

>woman

You see the boogeyman everywhere mate. Get laid and move on.

>>133724

Every thread has to eventually run its course.

>>133727

>>133727

>mentally ill

He is mentally ill and is an actual retard. You can also tell he's retarded because it shows physically. There's absolutely no mistaking that he's an autistic retard.

>>133749

Female thinking pattern is very easy to recognize but unfortunately it bears a striking resemblance to many psychoses that males can also develop.

>>133752

In reality that's because most females are suffering psychoses. You've probably never met a healthy female (or you were both too young to realise or care).

The same problem is now befalling men. In a couple of generations everyone will exhibit that thinking pattern you mistakenly identify as female.

Also you have obvious mommy issues, but that's beside the point

Sorry I was losing my mind in your thread, you guys. I was really fucking dying and have nobody else to talk to. I'm well enough now to explain the rest.

After I left you last, I went to rest as the adrenaline and endorphins wore off. As soon as I closed my eyes to sleep, my heart woke me up. My heart rate was stuck at 120 bpm and wouldn't drop. My heart was also pounding its way out of my chest. It was impossible to rest.

I freaked out once again, thinking I was under attack. I tried every esoteric thing I could think of, lashing out at phantoms in my minds eye that wouldn't go away. After I exhausted everything off the top of my head, I began trying to make up some shit. As I did this, I would get so focused that the phantoms would stop. I noticed this and realized they were my own projections. Then I moved on to natural causes.

120 bpm heart rate is stable enough. The pounding was uncomfortable as hell, but I knew I could go for days like this, so I started reading online about tachycardia and heart palpitations. They're commonly caused by electrolyte imbalance, hunger, and fatigue. I salted a can of mandarin oranges and forced them down. A few minutes later I felt well enough to eat some potato chips and a multivitamin and water. My heart stopped pounding and I was able to attempt to sleep.

When I tried to sleep, I kept waking every few seconds to few minutes, but after three hours of this and morning arriving, I felt much better. Then the despair spirals and anxiety hit me. Enduring any negative thing became a chore. Still, throughout the day, I forced myself to recall and assimilate all that had occurred, to prevent any ptsd/insanity from developing. I looked at everything. Tried to understand everything. Wavering in and out of spirals of despair.

Time seems to be taking care of the pain in my chest and my emotional continence is improving. It's hard to eat still. I cannot eat nearly as much as I used to. It's 200 calories of meat for breakfast and forcing down a handful of chips for dinner and a multivitamin. My sleep is a few hours at a time now. I'm getting better by the moment, so I'm positive about the future.

>>133721

I can't remember the specific text. It was a modified version of Hubbard's thetan hand technique. He claimed that entities, called body thetans, stick to people's bodies, and cause these types of problems. He described them as black specks. I didn't look for or see any of that, but given how I scooped the thing off my chest, it is possible that I inadvertently removed these. He spoke of simply flinging them away with a disembodied silvery hand so as not to allow them to stick to some other part of your body. In my fear, I went a bit further.

In my mind's eye, I created a disembodied silvery hand, big enough to engulf the entities. I scooped all three of them up, closing the hand around the entities, and fused all the cracks closed, then flung the hand and entities into the sun.

The technique just came to mind as I was thinking how powerless I was and that was the end. I was surprised it worked. My tormentors were gone.

>>133723

It really fucking hurt. I'm still recovering. My body is healthy, but I can't eat or sleep, and I'm prone to spirals of anxiety and despair. My heart still hurts. I'd definitely be dead if I invited them to continue. Maybe, someday, I'll ascend to pure consciousness, but not today. They also tainted every thought, pushing every emotion their limit. I have no idea how long this was going on.

>>133746

My helper is not the problem, and after this ordeal I understand my helper to be me. The creatures ravaged me mentally, after eating my heart, looking for anything else to take or feed on. They systematically went through everything I valued, making me recite or demonstrate it to them.

Without a heart, I had an exceptionally calm mind. No daydreams whatsoever. I thought I was daydreaming as usual, at first, because they were speaking to me, but I noticed that I was in a continuous mental frame. The only emotion they didn't take from me or seem to appreciate is humor. They just kept prodding me, "What else? What else? Show me." I was under the delusion that they were angels or something.

Naturally, my helper came up. It was unusually effortless and clear of any emotion, when I called her and my perception split. They're me in a parallel body and mind. I unknowingly systematically removed all that could have been a tulpa, by demanding this sort of parallel behavior from the beginning. They're not a tulpa or one of those creatures, at all. There is no mass out there. They don't exist out there. They've never touched me like that and cannot. They're a split in my consciousness when I need them.

I'm confident that I could make a tulpa creature with all this genuine feedback. Such a thought frightens me, but interactions with such mass are intriguing. I wonder what the requirements for such a mass are. Can I simply gather and store this substance, then use it at will? Does it necessitate a consciousness or can it be taken over? Would be sweet to have an extra ghost body lying around. The sky's the limit then.

>>133721

I forgot to mention that I didn't clearly see the entities until the very end. I'm not sure what the reason was. It was suddenly clearly three there when I understood what was going on and looked at them through my mind's eye. When they present visually it's very similar to a daydream. When they're off camera I had the sense they were beside me. They felt present always even when I tried to block them out, before understand they were hostile. They'd constantly try to start dialogues, like a daydream, but their sense of presence persists always, unlike a daydream.

>>133758

>Tyler Durden

Because of that prolific twitter guy? Nothing about Fight Club is incel, as far as I remember.

>>133762

God, it stinks like a setup. I see all this shit. They accomplish their initial objective. Then they're defeated so easily by a solution that conveniently pops into mind at the last moment. All plausibly deniable.

>>133774

But then I wake up in absolute horror and I don't know.

>>133774

And then I realize that's me being a stupid nigger, falling for the same trap. There was no logic in trusting them. There was no logic in entertaining or believing anything about them, God or no. If they weren't such greedy suckers, they had me around their finger. I don't know how, but it never crossed my mind to doubt them or wonder why I should even give a shit about them and go along with their schemes. Maybe it was daddy/society issues or something turning me into a blindly trusting animal, I don't know. If I hadn't tried to bargain about the pain or my blind devotion to my helper, I don't know if the delusion would have crumbled.

Doubt and refusal are my new default. No amount of feelings or intuition will change that. I got lucky. I will never be taken like that again.

>>133773

I think we'd be better off making a new one at this point.

I want to thank everyone for your support. It means a lot to me, having you here in one of the darkest points in my life. I'd never felt so hopeless and alone, but having you witness and try to help me lifted my spirits. I'm sorry if I didn't engage you in a fulfilling manner. I try to tell you every bit of my experience, no matter how humiliating, so you are prepared for such events in the future.

Some closing comments.

>>133767

They came as a pair of angel's suggestion in the beginning. Arguing with me, mistakable for my own thoughts. However, I never consciously identified them as angels. It was just plausible and I accepted it without reason. Then the shape of the con became one pretending to be God and God presence, while the other was the questioning angel. They alternated between these roles while that thing was latched to my chest.

Given how easy it was to cast them away, I believe they try to instill a sense of powerlessness in the target with suggestion and emotion. They began antagonizing me as a pair of angels at the end, then dropped the act when I was down. I sensed the only way out at that point was suicide, but I still was fighting their suggestions and eventually that technique came to mind.

This was all in my mind's eye. The entire time I was coming to terms with the fact that what I was seeing with my mind's eye wasn't an imagining and neither was the sense of presence. However, there's a difference between imaginings and these creatures, so don't be afraid to imagine them.

I still feel horrible sometimes. Like I'm dangling over a pit of demons to be tortured for eternity for no reason, but these dark spells always end. I think it's a symptom of what they did to my heart and was targeted to inflict such hopeless feelings. I make a conscious effort to never believe these feelings because there is no reason to. I have never observed such things and cannot.

>>133822

*they try to instill a sense of trust and powerlessness

I genuinely believed and trusted them. Their power of suggestion is incredible. No more trust or powerlessness. No more accepting plausible ideas or suggestion. Nagging thoughts get scrutiny for thoughtforms.

Fuck, I'm spiraling. I'll just leave it at that.

>>133667

>Thank you for riling me up.

MY PLEASURE you got me riled up more though. And staying away from estoeric phenomenon is good advice sometimes. I forbid myself coming to this board because it felt appropriate, because i felt I had nothing good left to say. Clearly what I already had said, was more than enough! But it always is. Your efforts are only the icing on the cake that is humanity.

>>133822

By the way, although I was incredibly skeptical I didn't say anything. Because I am always open to the idea that God or something legitimate COULD directly contact me, but then they would be violating my free will in which case they are no good!

Anyways, the legitimate attempts to make contact are always incredibly subtle. They surely are not direct, and the best you can do is develop mechanisms to 'decrypt' the synchronicities which is what I let my autonomous thoughtforming do for me since I consciously don't even give a fuck and just consider everything as input sensations for consideration to my output phenomena so might as well let my idle processing power be put to good use

>>130495

>Just learning this from this post

>Burned first sigil last night

>Should have left it

Oh well. It was my first sigil. I'll get over it if I fucked up. It was insurance for a guarantee anyway.

>>134468

The one time act of burning is a one time etching of the sigil into your subconscious, creating a one time guarantee, so to speak

>>129983

I feel you on the synchronicity stuff and I am only replying as you are the first post I've seen recently talking about this. How about this story. I was unemployed right after finishing grad school and I was staying at my parent's shore house looking for menial jobs. While I was out there it was the height of the 'Russian collusion hoax' right after the election, and with all the talk about Russia I decided to start in on a dense Russian history book I had picked up at a thrift store or somewhere. While reading that book, I get a call from a Russian American lady with a thick accent named Olga who interviewed me for my first ever job in my field! I was always taken slightly aback by that.

There have been plenty of other times, like seeing words on a TV screen or hearing them said on the radio at the precise moment that I am thinking of those exact words. Recently I got a new job after being laid off from my old company. Someone at this former company, a woman from New Delhi named Lakshmi was the one who notified me of the opening. This struck me as well as I has a few months prior been listening to a Hindu mantra dedicated to increasing wealth by praying to the Goddess Lakshmi. My salary went up by ~33% too! Pretty auspicious to me.

>>129983

>>134722

I had a similar kind of synchonization with Mother Kali too.

>looking for veggies and fruits to grow in my gardens.

>Tomatoes… Blegh. Not really a fan of them in the flesh, I prefer ketchup or dried.

>Black Krim Tomatoes(??)

>Krim is the seed mantra of Kali.

>OHSHIT.png this can't be a coincidence.

>Could dry them, smoke them, make a nice spice powder among things…

>Imagine Mother Kali's yantra, ask her about these tomatoes.

>Get a joyous, encouraging response.

>"But- but I don't like tomatoes," my ego tells me.

>Losing time here, can't be indecisive forever.

>fuck it. might as well try, I can still dry and smoke them. Among things.

I'm thankful that I'm as close with my divine family that I am. How many innumerable ascetics and occultists out there that pray to gods and goddess but cannot fathom the idea of speaking to them one on one, or letting them hug and cuddle you like a child becase that's what you are to them.

>>134755

Advice on picking out a god?

>>134762

Chances are they picked you already. You will come across their name regularly, or maybe you will become interested in one for no apparent reason.

But it can't reach out to you if you don't have the names and knowledge about them in your head. So start reading about pantheons you find interesting. Watch videos. Put yourself out there. You'll find something/It will find you.

>>134755

Tomatoes are superior food in every way.

>>129703

I know this thread is old and OP will probably not be reading this. But to any beginners who have dabbled with spirits, demons and other lower forms of manifestation magic and wish to see what else there is to this whole lasagna. I encourage you to follow this up as instructed (one article per week, study AND practice): http://www.occult-mysteries.org/occult-studies-course.html

Supplementary reading: http://www.occult-mysteries.org/hermetic-occult-books.html

And may you never think you know what you're talking about.

>>134819

>How about "May you realize how little you actually know,", instead?

Yeah, that's better my sentence was way too convoluted.