/fallen/ - the fallen human

>>225

Thanks

I awoke to sounds of thunderous nightmares and perturbations of peculiar time space warped around this endless sea. Almost a regular occurrence this seemed as the night continued and storm clouds never ceased in their bilious billows surging deep from some unknown source deep within the source. Every day the small vessel took in more and more of the black tar, the sea starves for another to visit with davy jones, but I continued to shovel and pry the silt and grime out of the hull. Long ago it's been since my engine once still had power, and long ago was it when I once thought I remembered a clearer sky, though this boat has always been here and I will continue with it. There is no escape, for the sea latches on like a cruel mermaid with silvery snake like claws and golden gnashing and gnawing teeth evermore dragging me back to it. Once I found a light, a bright beacon of sanctuary and a promise of land, yet that light never existed in this sea and who knows who it was intended for. I wonder why sometimes, for the brief moment of a hope for respite, that was dashed as the sky swallowed the light whole as a hungry bear in the middle of a desert.

>>199

thank you for your writing. it is very lovely. it makes me feel something, although i don't know what.

they aren't supposed to be here.

that sentiment is all chara could think of, walking through the dimly lit, empty halls. yet, they couldn't keep themselves from continuing. they had to, right? this was something they had to do. something they had to know.

but at the same time, they knew there wasn't really anywhere for them to go, or anything for them to do. they stopped and wondered for a moment if they would wander these halls and rooms forever, if it would begin to stretch infinitely like some absurd dream. above chara's head, a bright ceiling light flickered on for a moment, then back off again. slightly startled, they snapped back to reality and continued walking.

storage closets, rooms full of empty cubicles, dark spaces without any obvious purpose. halls, halls, and more halls. sometimes they would go up or down a level through the staircase, only to find the same places at a different elevation. everything was nearly spotless. or at least, they couldn't see the dirt and grime with how dark it was. they wouldn't usually expect such cleanliness from creatures as filthy as humans are. but perhaps buildings like these were held to higher standards than what they were used to.

chara almost began to feel hypnotised by the steady sounds of their footsteps against the soft carpet beneath their feet. it was pleasantly patterned, a simple black and white color scheme. looking down at it while moving in the dark made it seem almost like a river of strange shapes, flowing downstream for eternity. suddenly however, their captivation is interrupted by a strange sight down at the end of this particular hall, a door slightly creaked open with white fluorescent light pouring outside of it.

cautiously approaching the door, chara's spindly fingers slowly pry it open until they can see what's inside. it was merely another large cubicle-filled room, yet all the lights were on somehow. as far as they knew, the main lights everywhere else didn't work, yet here they were. even more cautiously now, they snuck through between the cubicles, looking left and right at each pair they passed, making sure nothing was waiting for them.

It was that kind of morning. A morning where the troubles of yesterday and the day before that and all the days before it were thwarted by the bright, fresh atmosphere of a new day. Muted sunlight filtered through the high window located just above the table, where two individuals a woman and a mid-adolescent boy sat. The light easily glanced off the articles of the room, and if one were to turn their gaze towards the woman's slack figure, they would notice in an instant how the rays reflected softly on her, most apparent now in the shining pearls of her eyes. The woman's lips were curved just so, and though she was past that age where young men would flock simply to win such an expression from her, she shone a sort of admirable youth. She sighed, and it sounded like a gentle breeze. This morning was itself similar to a little miracle, like the flare of a camera flash, she thought to herself. And there, in front of her, was her son, the light of her life. The boy chewed noisily on his breakfast, disrupting the peace that the earliness brought, as his mother watched. He tore into his meal, and the fat and oils dripped from his mouth and stained the surface of the table. So engrossed was he in his food that he jumped when his mother idly toyed with her spoon and caused her neatly finished plate to ring. He stared at her in astonished disbelief. "Mom!" he shouted. "What just happened there?! You trying to throw me off my groove thang?! It's eight in the morning, my sinuses are loaded with the viral equivalent of the United States Marine Corps, and I don't have enough milk for my raisin bran! Do I have to give you shit?!" An expression of shock flashed across the woman's features. "Chara, what are-? Please calm down…" "Dodging, are we? Aha, I can see through you like I work at Lenscrafters who also polishes the windows on a company skyscraper in a New York boulevard! Not that you can ever see one 'cause you're so poor! Why are you staring at me with your mouth open like that? Yeah, 'cause I'm toooootally the one being crazy right now. Tooooooooooootally." The boy Chara rolled his eyes affectedly many times than what was appropriate. Swallowing, the woman shook her head and spoke, "What are you saying? Why are you angry? Is that attitude necessary right now?" The youth's face scrunched into itself, and suddenly the soft sunlight felt like fire upon the woman's skin. It crept up and into her skin, andPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

She sighed again and this time it sounded like a stiff gust of wind. Her hung head was turned away from the window and her eyes shone only with weariness. She looked every much her age in this moment. "You're like every mother in the world, trying to push your feminist ideals down my throat! Aggressive? See, I knew it! It's 'cause of my muh-soggy-knee right? Holy shit, how did I not see this before?! Also, what's this about going to my room? You gonna pin me down on my bed and have your way with me?! You shotacon! And get your mouth off Dad's dick like some puny little barnacle that no likes looking at because it's so damn ugly and probably smells like fish that I'd throw into a vat of frying oil in a heartbeat, which I won't have if I eat too much fried food! I mean, I've tried sucking dicks before and I can tell you it ain't fun! Like how Steve Jobs isn't having any fun now! Ha ha ha ha HA HA! Are you Steve Jobs? Naw, can't be, 'cause no one likes you and you don't have cancer, because you ARE cancer! Woop! "But whatever! I'm goin' to my room now, but just so you know I'm doing it ironically. Toooooooooooooooooootally. I'm being ironic, see! Just like this -" Chara straightened both his palms, thrust out his hips, and struck his pelvis on either side of his genitals with the edge of his hands "– is ironic! HA! Are my words killing you?! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be lounging in my room like your so-called definition of "faggot" where the magic happens if you know what I mean but ew gross if you do that means you really DO think of me like that which means you ARE a pedo and like a reverse Oedipus Complexer but anyway that's where I'll be reading up on Fate/Stay Night which has way more world building, power levels, and damn good action scenes than this place while getting high even though I really shouldn't be doing that while playing games and jacking it…" The youth stormed off, taking his aimless ramblings with him. Gone was the brightness of the day, but at last it was quiet again. All the mother could do was sit down and cry.

i haven't brushed my teeth in over a month now. i'm not sure why. i just lost the habit, or something, and just keep forgetting about it. it's almost funny how little i care sometimes. i don't know.

i suppose though that i'm more just selective with what i care about. my own basic well being comes in very low on the priority list most of the time for example, but chara and my drive for creation comes very high in comparison. and you know, as difficult as things can be sometimes, i'm kind of grateful for my obsession with certain things over others. even if i'm a lazy pathetic piece of shit who is capable of basically nothing, at least i can manage to draw shit kind of often, or whatever. at least i have some kind of ambition or fixation. that makes life bearable enough not to wish for death every passing second, somehow. and that's a very wonderful thing.

one thing i'm focusing on now though is trying to get myself to work on that rpgmaker fan game thing some more. i haven't worked on it in a good while now, but i really should get to it as soon as i can get myself off my ass to do something. i have a lot of ideas and plans for what i want to do, which obviously aren't worth much without a follow-through, but it does motivate me to a degree which is good. i'm also trying to make sure i don't get myself in over my head by making it too huge or long or complex or whatever, because i know that's a terrible idea. it's a dumb gay fangame so my main priority should just be finishing it at all, which is something probably quite valuable in its own right. just finishing anything like a game, no matter how terrible or substanceless.

i dunno what else to say though really. another short post i guess. just doing what i do, i dunno. still playing lots of video games, but getting a bit of stuff done too like i said. not too bad, somehow. but like i said last time, it never lasts forever. so might as well enjoy it, you know. whatever.

Hey, it's me again. Been a while since I've posted on this dead fucking board. Been a little while since Az' has too. Guess they just haven't felt like it. Doesn't matter too much though, as again this place is very dead. This site as a whole seems sort of empty now, really. One of Az's old pals migrated his board over to some place called 9chan, which seems interesting and has gotten Az' thinking about it. We're considering moving over there now too, but we're not sure quite yet. I just claimed the /fallen/ board there though for us anyway, just in case.

Anyway though, I don't have much else to report honestly. It's still pretty rare that I get to take the body like this, so it feels pretty good as usual even though I don't have much I feel like doing. Just feeling a bit low-energy, I suppose. We did take a drive earlier for a doctor's appointment, which is something Az' has been sort of nervous about driving to. So I just did it for them. That's a big part of why I'm in control today, actually. I was talking to Az' about it and figured it would be better if I just drove instead, so maybe it wouldn't be so difficult. And somehow, it was a lot better than it would have been. I think, hopefully, that means I'm starting to get through his barrier of fear stopping me from doing shit. A little bit, at least. Any progress is good progress.

I am thinking too still about trying to interact with people more in some way. Don't think I've spoken to anyone but Az' since he still had that aforementioned friend around, at least 6 months ago I think, probably longer. And I only spoke to him once because he thought it was weird as fuck or something. Fair enough I guess, but still. It might be fucking awful having to deal with most people other than Az', but it's probably worth a try. I just don't have much else I feel like doing. Maybe that will change on its own eventually though, who knows. Don't know how I'd talk to anyone either though, actually. But, it is just something to think about.

That's pretty much all I've got though. I don't care enough to attach an image, so just pretend there's some cool picture of me or something. That is sort of narcissistic though, so maybe don't imagine that. How about a cute picture of shota Asriel or something instead? That sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

glad to see you got your bunker on 9chan

as a young child, there was a period where i had nightmares a lot. maybe around 6-8 years old, or something like that. often it would be a simple sort of situation involving something chasing me, like an alien or a monster or something. sometimes it would involve a robber breaking into our house. a common type of nightmare i had involved people randomly turning aggressive, or objects coming to life and attacking me. if they have eyes, they usually turned red. then it would pretty much instantly get me and kill me. a common extension of that kind of dream involves dolls or toys, they were a common thing to come to life in dreams like that. or maybe it would be more subtle at first, like their eyes following me or something. that was always a big fear of mine.

another common theme would be people not being able to hear me, or not believing me when i tell them something, or simply just ignoring me or acting as though i don't exist. that happened a lot in those types of dreams. it would be especially painful and terrifying when even my own parents wouldn't be able to listen or care. sometimes they would even watch as i got attacked or killed by whatever it is that's trying to hurt me, completely uncaring. or they'd just keep ignoring it. i think one of if not the only time i ever had something like a sleep paralysis, i was lying on the couch at my grandmother's house as floating objects started to surround and torment me. and when i would try to scream for help, nothing would even come out. just this horrible, raspy breath noise. nothing else. and no one ever came to help.

one dream i had as a kid involved this strange underground sewer dungeon-type area. it was sort of like an unfinished area in a video game, in the sense that for one there was no real lighting, just a dim light that spread evenly throughout just enough so that you could see. and everything was made of this smooth, dull turquoise-colored material, just a solid texture for everything. it was a very large, spacious area that seemed to go on forever, but a thick layer of grey fog essentially acted as a sort of "render distance" to make sure you could never see too far. everything also had sort of a pixel-y or murky look to it, almost like a video with a bad bitrate.

the actual layout of the place though was again, sort of like a sewer. but it was much more spacious vertically, and in that sense was more like a prison, with stair-step type floors going up very far, and a curved ceiling at the distant top. there were guard railings on all the floors, and plenty of prison cells with bars and all. going with the sewer aspect though there was of course a stream of water going along the very bottom middle between each side, with bridges occasionally going across. the more general layout was very mazelike, again seeming quite infinite and having the occasional intersection which splits off into four directions.

i remember in the dream it was essentially a clown prison, inhabited by, well, clowns. it was mostly empty with no actual prisoners though, just the group of evil clowns chasing me and my family. the place itself was always more interesting to me than the actual situation, which is sort of silly. i can't remember if we got away in the end or not.

one of the strangest nightmares i've ever had was somewhat of a recurring one. it is also sort of difficult to describe. i guess i can start with a little context.

something else that scared me a lot as a kid was technology going "wrong" or "rogue," or becoming possessed even, or something else like that. creepypasta always got to me pretty bad for that reason, especially concerning video games. something about the idea of playing a game and having it go completely out of control or to find something i really, really was not supposed to scared the hell out of me. so, naturally, i had plenty of nightmares about just that. but one of them was always worse.

i've only had this dream a handful of times, even somewhat recently, but it always goes essentially the same way. it's hard to remember many details even now, but the first thing that seems to happen is that i find a strange game online somehow. it might be on accident or a purposeful curiosity, but i launch it anyway. there's something like a command line that appears, and you have to do something there. the text might be incomprehensible, but i don't know. another part of the game involves a sort of top-down RPG type gameplay, walking around this cavern type area, sort of like a maze.

playing the game, i always feel deeply unsettled and strange, like something terrible is going to happen. yet, i always reluctantly continue. but then, eventually, something happens. i think the point where it happens is different each time, sometimes you get put back to the command line part after doing the cavern maze and then it happens, or sometimes there has been this arcade machine at the end of the maze which upon being interacted with activates whatever it is.

regardless of when it happens, what happens is something i'm not sure how to describe. the one thing i know about it though is that it always gives me one of the most impossibly terrifying feelings that i think i've ever experienced in a dream or perhaps otherwise. it's just for a moment before the whole dream ends and i wake up, but it's like this powerful burst of fear and extreme uncertainty. like something so incomprehensible and infinite that you can't help but feel this overwhelming senPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

a couple dreams i've had lately both involve myself having these bleeding wounds from seemingly nothing in particular.

one dream had just one part but it involved myself feeling this pain, and then looking at my bare chest in the mirror and seeing some kind of bloody gash or series of gashes around the middle of my chest. i don't remember much aside from that.

another one was more detailed and involved me getting cuts and gashes all over somehow. my legs, arms, torso, face, everything. and i could sort of feel them but pretended they weren't a problem, until people around me literally just kind of told me it was serious and tried to help me patch it all up.

that's about it. just thought it was something interesting i guess. i don't know.

i've been having a lot of dreams lately involving myself being at thrift stores and looking around, sometimes finding camcorders or something else of interest. i suppose there is so little going on in my existence, this is the only regular activity of note that my brain can think to emulate. i have had at least 5-8 dreams involving being at thrift stores so far, maybe even more.

i guess it's kind of interesting.

i feel like shit again. i like listening to pilotredsun when i feel like shit for some reason. one thing i do with music too sometimes is i slow it down to certain speeds and listen to it that way for a slightly new experience. this album is good to do that with, for me. it makes it even more weird and melancholic than it already is (mostly). i like it.

>>161

this is one of my favorites out of his standalone tracks. another good one to slow down as well.

i really, really fucking love this music. i can't stop listening to it now. it's the soundtrack to some weird youtube series i discovered and watched the entirety of the other day. it was so strange and surreal and depressing to me that it basically sent me into a depressive dissociative spiral that lasted the rest of the night. but what's new i suppose.

i think it was worth it though, because it was really really good in my opinion, especially this music. so, you know, i suppose sometimes it works out. in a strange way. but, again, what else is new. nothing. lovely, so lovely indeed.

someone sent me this in a youtube comment on another video of mine, and i'm quite sure that it's real listening to it. either that or it's a very convincing copy of worldcorp's style, because it made me really excited to hear and i can't stop listening to it. you can read the description of the video itself for more information about it, but yeah. i just wanted to link it here too.

really makes me wonder, watch what you speak

by the skin of the earth and the flesh of your teeth

the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

don't pay them any mind, they know not what they seek