b22d67 No.112
What do you think of my short story /pol/? Anything I need to change before entering it to every single short story competition on the web?
http://pastebin.com/hZ5f4Kpt ____________________________
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b22d67 No.113
Ok.OP I liked the first half it was good it actually spoke to me.though in the rest I think you're a tad too descriptive.
Now on the second half…I honestly have no words to describe this,I mean it's great but also fairly ridiculous at the same time.(no offense I liked it but I honestly think English lacks the proper term for it)
And really?youre going to quote from batman?fucking batman?!
But other than that go ahead and post it everywhere you wish.its not a half bad idea to redpill,though might I suggest adding "for yours is the greatest story never told" somewhere near the end. kind of give them a directional push
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b22d67 No.116
>>112good but i agree no batman
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b22d67 No.117
>>112> Click on link> First line: "My Struggle…"Love it already.
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b22d67 No.122
>>112Really well written, loved the beginning, but i feel like the second half should be seen as a dream, or something. I would love to read more adventures! What happens to the dog?
btw, the batman quote was really lame. fitting, but lame..
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b22d67 No.130
>>113The second half is silly, but it's decent story telling. The story isn't serious; it works well to express its ideas through satire.
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b22d67 No.150
>>130OP here.
I was going for a multi layered approach, keeping the first half strictly descriptive narrative whilst peppering it with NS and German references to add some ironic foreshadowing.
Once the reader has engaged with the compelling first half of the story, naturally they will be curious and interested and want to read more. Then the second half slips into /pol/ mode, it seems ridiculous, 'but the story is good, he must be making some sort of point right?' so the reader reads on.
The story is now in full satire swing, a mixture of genuine redpill and insight, with unadulterated trolling of normal views and normal opinions. Each line gets more and more ridiculous, but the reader has to finish it now, no matter what they think about the subject matter
Once the reader reaches the end, there is no proper conclusion to the narrative, open ended to keep the reader thinking, but the redpill has been imparted. The result will not be instant, but with time the reader will be able to separate the trolling from the redpill insight, and only then will they truly understand the value of this redpill.
I will rewrite some of it and post it here, I agree the batman quote is very cheesy and gay, so I will see what I can do about rewriting it into some sort of dream sequence, just to keep the narrative a bit more grounded and readable for normies.
Will post more later, glad you all enjoy :)
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b22d67 No.151
OP here, the last 6-7 paragraphs changes were made to suit the flow of the story better.
http://pastebin.com/wJS7dSB3Tell me what you think.
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b22d67 No.160
The first third drags on and is rather boring. It is useless in and of itself, and only attempts to establish things that are referenced later on in the true story. This background information is unnecessary, because it is all axiomatic and understood. The reader does not need to sympathize with your situation because they live it themselves. Omit this portion and your story will be much stronger. You can reference your dog without having to provide this background information at all.
Simply make the entire story the glorification of the Leader. I would even suggest omitting German and proper names/references to "the Nazis" at all. Remove any focus from yourself and make the Leader the single object of glorification.
Finally, understand what your exact purpose is. Is it to praise the Leader? Is it to inform of NatSoc doctrine and the truth of Hitler's beliefs? Is it meant to comment on our society? Is it just a poetic fantasy with a controversial figure?
The writing during the dream sequence is strong and appropriate. Similar writing in the beginning is out of place and stilted. I almost decided not to read this due to what I saw in the first paragraph, then skipped to the end, realized it was good, and reread it.
My two cents.
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b22d67 No.234
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b22d67 No.278
>>112Great work OP. I started playing moonlight sonata as soon as you mentioned it and I continued reading. In all honesty, it moved me. ;_;
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b22d67 No.296
>>112I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MYI MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY I MY
Get the picture?
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b22d67 No.299
>>151This really is fantastic, more people should be reading this. This is an intelligent way to troll people, as the first half of the story appeals to everyopne including normies, and the rest is pure unadulterated trolling
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b22d67 No.306
>>296I take it you've never read first person reflective narrative before have you?
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b22d67 No.308
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b22d67 No.335
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b22d67 No.357
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