9ac445 No.394078 [View All]
So, I've been working on this for a long time, and I just finished writing a monster girl book. Its the first of a series I'm working on. I plan on putting it on Amazon. I've read some harem fantasy books on amazon and wasn't too impressed so I thought I might do well.
I'm posting the whole thing here because you guys are cool, and I wouldn't have written it if I weren't for the fact that this board exists. I tried to be as accurate as I could according to MGE canon because I happen to like it.
I was going to post it in the writefag thread, but I wanted to hear peoples thoughts and I thought it would take up too much space. Its rather long, probably too long, about 180,000 words. But I started it with the desire to make a very large harem, and make it as believable as possible. Full disclosure, I may have added too many girls. As a result in the future, any harems i make will be much smaller.
The synopsis is below
**"David was a member of the Golden Cross, a four-man mercenary band with his brother and two friends. They were wizards, outcasts to normal society.
However, his life and theirs changed quite suddenly when an army of monsters, led by the Overlord, king of monsters, interupted what was a typical small-scale land dispute. He and his friends were defeated. But they impressed the Overlord enough to be made trophies of his first battle. David and his friends were petrified, turned to living stone
3000 years passed before David took another breath. Now he awakens in a world where the Overlord of his time is long gone, and a Succubus sits on the throne.
Monsters are no longer blood-thirsty beasts, but lovely females who desire love and companionship with human men. However, not all is well with the world. These mosnters only have monsterous children, and a demographic crises is on the horizon. In the end, it seems Man may fall not to the sword, but by the bed chamber.
But one elf, Silas, one of the last males of his kind, has a plan to save humanity, and as a consquence the elves as well. By using the power of the Heaven’s Gold Spear.
David, however, is not so sure he wants to go along with Silas. For his solution may be worse than the problem"**
I was hoping for people's thoughts before I put it up on amazon. I like you guys, and value your opinions
____________________________
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9ac445 No.397169
>>397078
I'm not quite sure what you mean. The story is not really meant for deep questions of morality. I try to give depth and reasoning for every character, a reason they do what they do. Like Silas said, its largely a matter of faith if the Overlord will succeed or not. but the reasoning of those who side with one or the other are almost always personal rather than ideological.
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a113aa No.399541
>>399535
You're arguing semantics in a shill thread for a book that does not coincide with any of /monster/'s collective beliefs yet isn't bombed to death solely because the author isn't a complete dipshit.
Does it belong here? No. Is it a good book? Not really. But it has monster girls, and Opie's pretty chill.
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a4c7fe No.399550
>>399541
Sematics? It seems like its your distinctions that are arbitrary.
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dfc9f2 No.399610
>>397067
>I'm planning on two sequels
Don't.
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a4c7fe No.399815
>>399541
You seem to be unable to disassociate "non-humanness" from sex. The presence of a demihuman as the japanese would say male does not mean it is a monsterboy.
Does "Silas" have a hentai-level sex drive? Does he have monster-mana? Is he depicted with the intention to arouse homos? If not then he isn't a monsterboy.
I'm not saying writefags should put non-human males in all there works, I'm just saying it isn't necessarly /chaos/
Also If you want to claim I'm arguing semantics, then I think it's worth pointing out that a lot of what's considered a monster girl is based on arguing semantic. Elves aren't monsters like werewolves or minotaurs or things that hide under beds, but they're non-humans so they count. It's the same with robots.
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8351a4 No.399818
>>399535
Monsterboys or animals are fine in a setting as long as they're not romantically involved. Lynch any furfags that try to to worm they way inside.
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7425ae No.399828
>>399818
No, you let one in and it contaminates the whole thing. Like a turd in a punch bowl, don't even chance it.
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8351a4 No.399832
>>399828
So what do you think about Bromont?
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7702f5 No.399881
>>399828
board's been over this since dusky made the place. you're being an incessant newfag about it. rules were that you are allowed to have those things in your setting but just don't make them a focus or have them be integral to drama within a story because people are liberal when it comes to drama.
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02d1ca No.399888
>>399881
Basically this, Monster Musume and Fat Potato Elf are allowed here for a reason.
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ae1fdf No.399912
>>399888
Heh, Fat Potato Elf
What about Interviews With Demi-Chan?
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02d1ca No.399913
>>399912
Why would that be banned?
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abc05e No.401340
>>399541
>/monster's/ collective beliefs
>collective beliefs
>collective
fuck off with your commie-tier hivemind shit.
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41ce73 No.401368
>>401340
>Go to KKK meeting
>KKK Spokesman: We hate niggers
>Wow, fuck off with your commie-tier hivemind shit
>Go to XXX's rock musician's concert
>Audience: We like XXX's music
>Wow, fuck off with your commie-tier hivemind shit
>Go to local pizza parlor for pizza
>Customers: We like pizza
>Wow, fuck off with your commie-tier hivemind shit
>Go to /monster/
>We like monogamy and don't like male monsters or furries
>Wow, fuck off with your commie-tier hivemind shit
Are you okay, retard?
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32c90c No.401378
>>399818
Monster boys are not allowed because they are competition for monster girls, they are not allowed because it inevitably turns into gay shit along with trap garbage.
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02d1ca No.401395
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47c2a7 No.401422
>>401421
Well then I guess we won't have a problem banning you
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32c90c No.401450
>>401421
>This is just factually wrong
Go look up the rule 63 MGE girls that faggot Fizzshire commissioned along with the futa and trap pictures in some MGE fanart gallery. Then come back here, apologize and finally bite down on the muzzle of a gun and blow your brains out.
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40668d No.401468
Here we fucking go again…
Monsterboy art is /chaos/ because there's no plot to advance. That's why Monster Musume gets a pass, because the monsterboys exist to advance a plot which centers around Humans dispensing Lawful Hot Dickings to MGs. In the same vein, Monsterboys are allowed in writefaggotry if they're necessary to advance the plot (IE, Orc Dad in the Kasha stories.) I've incorporated male non-humans in my stories and never gotten ANY flack, because they were obviously there as a plot device and not to cuck the MC.
tl;dr - Posting futa art gets you banned, giving the Best Girl a non-human little brother in your writefaggotry as a plot device does not.
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fa7081 No.401490
The only thing I have to say to Opie is that you're a complete phaggot. Are you going to finish that one story about the phrantom and the guy in your monster girls 2020 setting?
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fa7081 No.401491
>>401490
phantom, as in that phantom of the opera ghost girl
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9ac445 No.401505
>>401490
that was actually a fan work. Someone who liked the setting and I told them to go ahead and use it.
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fa7081 No.401519
>>401505
Bummer. Whoever wrote that needs to finish it.
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00e9fb No.401528
>>397067
>I'm planning on two sequels with David as the protagonist. Then I'll start exploring other members of the Golden Cross as viewpoint characters.
You really shouldn't, you need help with your writing. Badly.
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bcbaa2 No.402925
>>401528
Care to elaborate?
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9ac445 No.403096
Updated pdf for grammar issues. The kindle version will be free tomorrow if anyone wants it
>>401528
It ain't perfect, but I've read what else is on amazon and I don't really feel like I'm so bad I'd put off publishing books. This is something I've been wanting to do forever. People seem to like it enough, and I already published the first book. Second and third books are coming. If you don't like it, okay. My writing isn't amazing, but hey, oh well. I enjoy it, and people are buying it.
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b207a3 No.403097
>>403096
That's fine, but you shouldn't be happy or content with mediocrity.
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91bc11 No.403099
>>403097
Worked for RA Salvatore
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535656 No.403108
>>403096
If you’re happy with what youve written and are happy with your name being attached to this then go ahead and publish it. If it were me I’d probably spend a few weeks or a month going over every detail trying to make everything perfect. But that is also a trap writers fall into. Constantly improving the book but never actually publishing it. It’s good you know where you draw your line.
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0a5cbf No.403114
Yo op I am curious on how many books you have sold so far.
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9ac445 No.403115
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72d11a No.403135
>>403097
Why do you consider it mediocre? Is it the overall plot, or the prose?
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47c2a7 No.403163
>>403115
>>403097
It appears, Bromont, that a book does not need to be good, nay it merely needs to have the right keywords to succeed.
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98b9fa No.403168
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9ac445 No.403172
>>403163
that's a bit harsh.
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a2ad78 No.403817
>>394078
>880 pages
My goodness man, you must have experience or the atention span of a buhdist monk
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02d1ca No.403818
>>403135
I think Bromont is saying that Opie himself has an attitude in which he views his own work as mediocre and is settling for that.
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9ac445 No.403860
>>403818
its more like I've read a great deal of fantasy novels and I am aware that I am not Tolkien. I'm not Robert Jordan, or Jim Butcher. I have taken Bromont's criticism and am applying it to my sequel. But I am not eager to write a complete overhaul of a finished work. This is not actually my first book, just the only one I have felt confident enough to publish.
I was hoping more for a discussion of the actual story, but all that happened was a critiquing of my prose.Valid criticism. But ultimately, it did not impede several people from enjoying the story and engaging with it. I'm quite happy with my book and my characters and I think I've gotten all I can from what has been said.
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bd9d85 No.403883
>>403860
Your work isn't finished, there's spelling errors/missing words and poorly constructed sentences layered throughout even with your numerous edits. A finished work is legible from start to finish. I'd recommend you get an editor. An editor would fix many of the problems you have, with your writing anyway.
Not sure who to see about your ego. lol.
God bless.
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0a5cbf No.403923
>>403883
Mate you could have just said that from the very beginning. You’re just kinda being a dick about it now.
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3baea2 No.404065
>>403860
We still dont know if they ever retrieve the artifacts from Silas
As far as we know he is still up and about
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3baea2 No.404066
>>403883
He would appreciated more if you didnt act like a total dick
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a2ad78 No.404073
>>403860
other than what I said, its neat, nice to have quality writefaggotry other than KC's MGE series
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f99076 No.404104
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a2ad78 No.404105
>>404104
>he doesn't know what IDs are, or that I could do the same thing as OP
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6c9977 No.404115
>>403923
>>404066
Well shucks, I'm sorry about the rudeness. We can talk about the actual story instead.
I'll be honest with you guys, I don't know how to feel about that segment where David asks Silas if he could pull out his outtie belly button over the tip of his meter long king kong dong in a desperate attempt to convince the demon queen that he wasn't circumcised when he really was.
But I'll applaud Oppie over the scene where the group eats at a sushi bar, which devolves into a bisexual orgy, and David is forced to use a hot wasabi fart to knock a pubic hair off Silas's mouth and into Delilah's anus. 'Getting Pearl Harbor'd' is how I believe he described it.
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a2ad78 No.404120
>>404115
are you a australian shitposter or are you just half kike
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0a5cbf No.404128
>>404115
Mate I was just talking about the way you went about giving the criticism. You gave good criticism just in a way that was kinda shit.
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7702f5 No.404130
>>404128
>>404120
criticism is criticism take it or leave it. jesus fucking christ you guys are retarded.
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9a74cf No.404416
>>403860
I'm reading your story and I like it. Continue writing in the future.
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