/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

>Have a migraine

>Griffon wife lets me use her lap as a pillow and blocks off any light with her wings

>huddle up on the couch like that until the migraine decides to fuck off or the painkillers make the headache bearable

Thank you Dr. Griffon

>>379350

I want a nursecore to give me a thorough examination.

>>379403

I used to have migranes as a kid. Mom described me as acting like a wounded animal, seeking out dark places to hide so I could sleep it off. I once hid under a pile of raincoats in kindergarten, sending everybody into a panic because they couldn't find me. I was literally right next to the main entrance. My buddy described it as crippling me, apparently is was so bad I'd just drop down and cry when it hit. I'm so glad I don't have it any more. Still, the thought of an ara mamono taking care of me, or a loli trying her best to help me, fill me with a weird feeling. Honestly, need a dark place? Kraken will fix that. Still, imagine a loli inari or centaur trying to help a boy having an episode. Charming and cute, I'd say.

That reminds me, while KC says that, essentially, mamono mana will fix everything, I still wonder how a monster society would deal with a kid with aspberger's. It makes me wonder how everything would be for a kid to have it in such a magical, caring society, how others would act around him/her, and how adult monsters would help that kid, if at all. Well, surely they wouldn't leave some poor, defenseless kid alone, right?

>>379350

I'm pretty sure none of those are real doctors.

>>379414

More?

>>379418

Do shog husbands even have bloodstreams?

>>379418

your waifu will always be with you

What kind of unique health problems or diseases would mamono have?

>>379408

Man I kinda envy you. Had them as long as I can remember and they never stopped. I'm pretty sure a few mamono could entirely fix the things too. Or at least numb that godawful feeling of your forehead trying to re-enact the chestburster scene.

>>379425

>grow up with tomboy minotaur

>she was fun to hang around with

>really handy to have around once the succubus in school started going through "that age"

>girls usually mature before boys, but succubus are an entire different thing

>seriously, not even a danuki would get a boy to sign that long term of a contract

>then, a few years later, other girls started maturing

>school has hell for everyone that didn't know a girl

>minotaur friend joked around that she was keeping me for later, which helped keep girls away

>she herself never did any move on me thought, and she kept it that way for years

<"A-anon, come over here"

>she often came to me out of nowhere to do stuff, but she looked odd this time, she hadn't been to school in a week, so maybe she was just sick

>"Alright, just let me finish this"

<"N-now!"

>she pulled me up and slung me over her shoulder, dashing straight into an empty room and locking the door

>"What is it?"

<"You know I was sick for a while, right?"

>"Yes."

<"Skipped classes."

>"I noticed."

<"And went to the doctor"

>"And?"

<"I have see…"

>"You have what?"

<"I-I have a lack of vitamin D…"

>"Let's go outside, it's sunny today."

<"N-no, let's do it insid- I-I mean…. not that kind of vitamin D"

>"What do you mean?"

<"I went to the doctor… h-he told me I have a lack of nutrients in my body, nutrients that aren't found in common food, so my first option was to get some from a bank, t-then there's the second option."

>"What's the second option?"

>She hesitated for a second before slowly raising her finger up and pointing at me

And that's how I met my wife.

>>379525

>I'm 21

>>379525

>tfw you’re in middle school and the grapesnek nurse uses the scoliosis checking day as an excuse to feel up your back

>>379531

Can you imagine penis inspection day with a monster nurse? It was bad enough with a human woman.

>>379537

The costs of hiring a different monster nurse for each male student might be pretty big.

>>379540

They would just use a old male nurse. They know it wouldn't be gay because the nurse would have amped by now if they where a faggot.

>>379542

>they make the paladin do it

>>379490

Goddamn this sounds awful to go through, cute monster girl or not the prospect of you having your will forcibly changed without your consent, even for the better, sounds nightmarish. This is why mindflayers and mantango are trash.

>>379567

>sounds nightmarish

your mind is just not opened enough to the truths of the universe

>>379571

It isn't my fault, I swear! A manticore snuck up on me in the boys bathroom!

>>379537

Do they really do that in America?

>>379537

>Penis inspection day

But why? Who though that was a good idea?

>>379576

A very lonely monster.

>>379567

The idea was the damaged spirit prevented him from properly perceiving love, leading to him believing it doesn’t exist. Mamono mana fixes the hole, then he suddenly experiences love and a change of heart from his new experiences.

I did fuck up one line though.

>>379604

As punishment you will have to use normal utensils instead of your wife at dinner tonight. No if and or buts.

>>379606

Wait, which of the two is getting punished with this?

>>379608

The author for not properly describing his original opinion, that reflects poorly on best maid. The other sap does not know the glory of a shoggoth which is a punishment in of itself.

>Getting frisky with Oni wife

>While she's riding you, bed breaks causing you to have serious chest pain.

>Oni wife tries to hug you, hoping it makes the pain go away

>Start actually yelling in pain and cough blood

>She realizes the severity of your pain and dials 911, sends an ambulance straight to your house.

>She waits outside the ER, pacing nervously while the doctor does her work.

>By the time it's over, you're brought to your hospital bed with a brace, and the doctor explaining to you and your wife that you had a couple of broken ribs and you need to stay there and recover otherwise your internal bleeding will only get worse.

>Wife apologizes crying and saying it's her fault you're hurt.

>Doctor just reinforces that you have to lie down for a while and let yourself get checked up regularly. And that you both need to buy a stronger bed next time.

>Wife thanks the doctor and stays in the room with you.

>The moment the door closes she slowly goes on top of you.

<You know, we can still continue, all you have to do is lie down-

<"And another thing, no sex for a while. The body needs time to recover, and we wouldn't want punctured lungs nor bone marrow in the bloodstream so close to the heart now, do we?"

<Piss off, I'll be gentle this ti-

<"I don't think you understand."

>Doctor comes closer to wife, keeping a fake smile and drags her down by the ear as wife is yapping in pain, making it easier for the doctor to just stare her down.

<"I take my job very seriously, and I have not lost a patient yet. This household is a place of recovery. Our tools can't cater to any more rough activity. You can have all the sex you want when we check him out. But for now, NO. MORE. SEX. Capiche?"

>Wife nods.

<"Good! Have a good evening you two."

>As she leaves she snatches your wife's alcohol bottle found behind the door.

<"Also, no alcohol allowed."

>Door closes and you look at your wife who just look like she just got dominated and told who's boss.

>>379609

But now Miss Shoggoth gets a crappy dinner experience

>>379612

Don't worry I'm sure she'll get some dessert.

>>379576

>presumably A burger doesn't know about penis inspection day

Even us shitpostsers in the far foreign land of the leaf know this day exists. Are you living under a rock? That being said if MG doctors are in charge of inspection day it would make it a better event for everyone.

>>379606

That’s bullshit. You don’t even know which line it was I screwed up and you can’t stop me from eating ice cream with my wife.

>>379540

>The costs of hiring a different monster nurse for each male student might be pretty big.

Like my donger. Gottem.

>>379632

I bet fairies and pixies enjoy you very much. Your dick must make them feel like they are human sized mamonos.

>>379638

Truly there's a monstergirl for everybody.

>>379616

>mixed species high school implements penis inspection day

>to solve protests from the female student body regarding overeager nurses stealing their prospective husbandos, this PID will be “student-led”

>each man must have a “partner” to do the inspection

>female students and single faculty are given the choice of whose partner they want to be

>male students are not informed of when PID is scheduled, are supposed to be “informed personally by their partner” on the day of

>>379611

>savage doc monster girl putting an oni place

I'd like to see a comic panel of that tbh

>>379676

in her place*

>>379646

>dude in bone armor walks into hospital

>does a silly little dance

>leaves

>catgirl wakes up as a zombie

>eventually becomes a wight

Wholesome

>>379606

>Shoggoth wife is cleaning upstairs, but you're pretty sure you still know how to make coffee on your own

>You haven't been in the kitchen much recently, but you find something that looks more or less like a kettle

>For some reason it doesn't have an electrical cable

>Luckily you have jump leads in your toolbox, so you can still make some coffee

<I don't think so, Tim

>You hear an unearthly scream from upstairs as you connect your wife to the electrical grid

>Apparently you don't know how to make coffee anymore

>>379672

>prior to PID, giant bulletins with mugshots of the male students, a short biography of them, and their top three fetishes courtesy of the mindflayer school counselor are put up all over the school

>said bulletins are in alphabetical order for convenient organization

>your name is Aaron Aardvark so your dopey-ass face is the very first visible thing on them

>>379722

Do you want an anubis wife? Because that's how you get an anubis wife.

>>379736

>She's supposed to tell you the date, but just autistically stares at you from afar, pushed away by the magical barrier of there's more than 0 people around you

>you go past her and give her a "hey", only for her to tug your shirt and look down for half a minute before fumbling on her words, dropping the spaghetti and telling you to go to some unused classroom after class for inspection

>awkward "c-can I touch it" that's replied with "isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

>end up with an awkward silent handjob and scaring her with the cumshot

>she just stares at your dick while tasting your semen for a long while then gets embarrassed and fumbles around after noticing she's been staring at your penis and tasting your semen

>she looks up flustered and says a cryptic "C-can you want to go girlfriend your me?"

I don't necessarily want one, but I'd be fine with it.

I'd be fine with any girl that's fluffy or cuddly except centaur types even apls

>>379676

>>379611

Imagine being a doctor having to deal with equipment breaking from sex, sex in the hospital, contaminating samples, disturbing emergency operations, and onis, dragons, hellhounds, and danukis walking around like they're the boss and don't even bother repaying anything broken or missing.

Imagine how pissed off you would be if you told that the husband/boyfriend of someone needs to recover and that no sex is allowed for sanitary reasons, and they still try to do it anyway, despite your warnings. Or that their wife/girlfriend needs to stay in bed to recover and she still insists on sex despite the fact it could kill her depending on her condition.

If I was the doctor and many patient's problems worsen all because their wives don't want to wait, I'd be really pissed too, to the point of isolating/quarantining them.

>>379741

What about a hospital run by those types

>>379718

>Virgins get bold red lettering on their bios

>Kissless ones get gold borders

>bio includes general top/bottom tendencies outside of fetishes

>Mother’s species, so that the girl can know what she’s gonna have to deal with

>>379792

>Be kikimora looking for a master through penis inspection day

>Find gold bordered boy

>Is into master/servant play, and light bondage

>Is a hard worker who has shown strong preferences for leadership positions

>Jackpot

>Read further, your face goes pale

>His mother is the chief of the local Amazoness tribe

>If you become his servant, you'll very likely be insulted by his mother for being a weak willed woman who can't put her husband in his place

>Is it worth it?

>>379794

>Implying any master worth his salt wouldn't defend his Kiki's honor against anyone who insulted her

If you can't stand up to your parents in defense of your waifu you don't deserve her

>you find yourself in the ER in the aftermath of a car crash

>fucking drunk driver t-boned you

>the doc says you're lucky to be alive

>your lich wife could just zombify you, true, but both of you would like to postpone that event as long as possible

>"It's not as though death is a problem," she says, but you can see her worry in her little mannerisms

>one day, in the cafeteria, you meet a cheery little catgirl holding a mouse plushie

>the two of you make small talk about the crappy cafeteria food until a nurse arrives to take her away

>turns out she's a regular feature in the cafeteria

>over the next few weeks the two of you strike up a curious friendship

>she happens to be an orphan, with some form of cancer

>you'd expect her to be depressed, but her smile's infectious

>every time PT has you on the ropes, she gives you that grin and tells you "you'll get it next time"

>even your wife says this little girl is a good influence on you

>as you get stronger, though, she seems to get frailer

>every few days she seems to pick up another oxygen tank or iv bag

>when your birthday rolls around, she shows up for the celebration

>but the nurse has to roll her wheelchair in for her, and she throws the cake right back up

>a few days later, you finally get your discharge papers, and you and your wife go to her room to say goodbye

>there's a doctor at the door

>he looks at you with hollow eyes

>through the little window you see a white sheet drawn over a too-small body, a little mouse plushie resting against the bulge

>your heart drops right into your stomach

>the doctor is too heartbroken to maintain patient confidentiality

>cancer takes no prisoners, it seems

>her orphanage couldn't afford the proton beam therapy she needed

>they gave her a month to live

>she only made it three weeks

>your wife's face has gone stone cold

>she walks into the room and locks the door behind her

>you and the doctor stare confusedly at the privacy curtain blocking your view

>after a few minutes, the curtain flips back

>beside your wife stands the little catgirl, mouse plushie in arms

>the only thing different is how pale her skin is; she matches your wife almost exactly

>turns out death isn't a problem for her after all

>your wife informs you that you're adopting her as soon as the orphanage can fax the papers

>the catgirl your new daughter shyly hugs you and calls you papa

>she clings to your leg or your wife's hand as you fill out the paperwork

>you pass the last sheet to the dumbfounded doctor to run to the fax machine

>she smiles that cheery little smile as the three of you head out to your car

>all is well in the world

>Be you, freshman in ivy-league university

>How you got into such a fantastic school. You’ll never know

>Didn’t even apply cause you never even considered that you could get in

>They sent an acceptance letter out of the blue anyway, and now here you are

>Get notice that Penis Inspection Day is upon us

>Thought that that sort of thing was supposed to stop after High School. Guess not.

>No big deal though. It wasn’t so bad coming up. Most of the school teachers, administration, and nurses had already been married and couldn’t care less about your wizard dick.

>The few that weren’t married made were already married by the time they got to you.

>Nothing to worry about.

>Notice the fine print on the poster.

‘Inspections will be carried out by mamono from the Psych-162 Coping With Being a Single Mamono in the Modern World class’

>That class is mandatory for, and only open to, single mamono on campus.

>Shit

>Show at the appointed day and time for your inspection. The campus gymnasium has been subdivided into cubicles separated by curtains. Moans, grunting, and the sound of flesh smacking rhythmically into flesh is louder than a home game in october

>Notice that everyone in line is a nerdy freshmen who has most likely never seen a girl naked, yourself included

>Seems that only certain guys had to report for inspection

>You’re not stupid. You know a rape-trap when you see one. You’d avoided hundred, if not thousands, already

>Make a run for the door

>Ushi campus nurse snags you mere feet from freedom

<”Leave if you want, Anon, but this is mandatory for every boy selected for inspection. You can leave if you want, but you’ll be expelled and you can kiss your full scholarship goodbye.”

>Nod and accept fate… For now. Maybe you’ll get some push-over mamono who was too chicken to snag a man in high school. You could simply refuse or talk your way out of the immanent raping. Wizard status preserved and fathering offspring avoided.

>Your next in line. The young Griffin at the table checks your ID against her book and sniffs the air as you lean down to hand it to her.

<”Oh, yeah, you’re definitely her type. She made a great choice.”

>Notice the large book sitting on the check-in table. It was turned to a page about halfway down. One one side was large picture of you, taken for your school ID, along with a few full-body pics you don’t remember having had taken.

>The other page looked like it had your full biography, hobbies, classes, things about your parents, sisters, fetishes, extracurriculars, grades, games from your steam account, contact info, user names, and on and on. All written in red. Your name had a gold border around it.

>You can’t read most of a hand-written note in the margin

>Says, “Not suitable…distribution…Partial…student #431140666…Ensure…before PI.”

>Griffin hands back your ID along with a small card and a number on it and checks a map

<”Cubicle twenty-seven. Down the hall, first left, second right, it’ll be on the left hand side. Lucky girl.”

>Yeah, right. You’ll get your junk inspected like you’re supposed to, then tell this Danuki or Kappa or whatever to push off and find someone else.

>Get to the curtain with ‘#27’ embroidered on it

>Push it aside

>Fuck no

>From grade school to high-school you never really had to worry about getting raped. Figured it was because you were too autistic, nerdy, anti-social, whatever, for even a momano to try anything with you.

>Friends were getting caught all the time and then going on and on about how great it was, but not you.

>All well and good because you always had other, bigger, things to worry about. Like getting incessantly taunted and bullied all day long by a particular Hellhound one year older than you.

>A mamono GF might have been able to stand up to her. Put her in her place. Keep her off your back so you could salvage some kind of dignity growing up instead of being a Hellhound’s verbal punching bag.

>That might have been part of the reason they avoided you, you told yourself. It wasn’t cause you were a below-average autistic bore, it was because they were afraid of having to defend the honor of a potential boyfriend from Amanda, the school’s biggest bully.

>That girl had seemed to find you everywhere at school, on the way home, even at home. She had had your phone number, all of your social media accounts, everything. She had delighted in tormenting you. Making fun of you at every opportunity, saying how you weren’t even good enough to rape.

>She never did anything physically violent, not really, unless you counted the odd ponce-and-tackle here and there, or the spinning bear hugs, or where she would pin you down and say, ‘I’m raping you, im gonna rape you if you don’t get out!’

>Eventually you’d get too tired to struggle and you’d just lay there. She’d fall down on top of you and you’d both stay like that until she got bored of tormenting you and left.

>That all ended your senior year when she left for college.

>You never found out which one she got into, and you didn’t want to know. In hindsight, it was probably better if you had unblocked her on social media if only to keep tabs on her.

>You knew she had been doing much better in high school than one would expect, had kept out of trouble, and had got into some place on an ROTC scholarship.

>You didn’t expect her to be standing in cubicle #27 with the top half of her uniform off

>Her breasts were exposed, ample, but not excessive, and hung at your eye level. You were tall, but she was much taller. Chocolate nipples stood at attention over dark areolas. Her ashen skin covered muscles firmed equally from cardio and lifting.

>She looked down at you, smug and proud, and smiled. Her massive fluffy paw rubbed your shoulder, moving its way up to cup your cheek, then curled around the back of your head.

<”It’s good to see you, Anon. I really missed you. I’m only going to say this once… I treated you badly in high school and I shouldn’t have. None of those terrible things I said about you were true. None of them. I… I was just scared that you might find someone else. I liked you. A lot. I was even- I am- in love with you. I couldn’t rape you because I thought you’d hate me, and I don’t know how to express myself any other way so I was terrified of driving you away and that made me angry sometimes. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me.”

>That’s possibly the last thing you expected to come from her mouth.

>The fires at her eyes were large, but smoldering with a calm red heat. There was sincerity and beauty in her smile that you’d never seen before.

“I… I don’t know what to say, Amanda. Thank you. That means a lot to me. I forgive you, I gue-”

>She pulls you roughly into one of her breasts, her large nipple finding the perfect opening in your gaping mouth, you heartfelt reply cut short by your bully’s massive tit.

<”Now suck, faggot! If you want to breath again, pull those pants off. I’m required to check your penis for length, girth, and function.”

>You know better than to try to push her away. It was truly impossible. You hands fumbled for your belt buckle as her moans joined the moans of the other students and her hands greedily pressed your face into her flesh.

>A moment of respite comes when she shifts your mouth from one nipple to the other

>Pants down, she throws you onto the large cot in the small cubicle

>Thirty minutes later and wizard status is a thing of the past

>Exiting the cubicle together, griffon girl holds out a paper for both of you to sign

>It’s obviously a marriage certificate with a post-it note that has ‘Penis Inspection Form’ hand written on it.

>She doesn’t even have more than one post-it note. As soon you’re both done signing, she just slaps it on someone else’s unsigned marriage certificate

>Virgin betas still in line, eyeing you questioningly

“Nothing to worry about guys. Just like any other Penis Inspection Day.”

>>379802

>>379803

Why break it up? The character limit is 5k.

>>379801

Thanks,I needed this

>>379805

I honestly had no idea what the limit was, only that I didn't want to get my numbering wrong, so I erred on the side of caution. And It's the line-limit that got me last time.

>>379807

>he doesn't spam /test/ to find out the post limit

I didn't even know there was a line limit though.

>>379782

>>379741

>Hospital run by the most sternous MG doctors they can find.

>Chastity stronger than paladins, but by god do they show results that they're the best in saving your life.

>No Sex allowed in the hospital because it is unsanitary (makes sense)

>The entire staff is diverse to specialize on different problems and procedures.

>They take it to code to never date patients. Even if they're single.

>Specially trained to go against the instinct of the full moon while in work hours.

>Not even the succubi nurses will accept or admit to fucking or sucking a man on bed, even with a visible erection.

>Wives are free to visit or stay the night and give their husbands company, but NO SEX ALLOWED. They don't want any more ruined equipment

>Those that disobey are severly punished. Further disobedience leads to being kicked out of the hospital till their husband checks out and has made a full recovery.

>Not even anything under eldritch gods or magical beings are safe

>Slimes of all types including shoggoths are covered up with the forbidden technique of plastic bag with a ribbon knot.

>Kobolds, hellhounds, and other dog girls have a nurse rush in and blow a dog whistle as a warning. Anything further, they are muzzled, and given a magic chastity belt that dissolves once their husband is at full recovery

>Onis and ushi onis are escorted out by the guard onis as first warning, since they aren't taking a chance at giving another.

>Psychological Based MGs like Nightmares are forced to no longer be in the same room as their husband and are forced to wait outside and talk to him by the local phone as per quarantine. There's also a magical barrier that prevents her types from entering his mind and giving him possible complications in health.

>Kikis warned to let the nurses do their thing since they are trained professionals. They can, however, feed their husband when it's mealtime.

>Elves, Dryads, Etc. are not allowed to suggest or give "Alternative Medicine" to their husbands while in the infirmary or checked in.

>Any Bicorn caught trying to charm staff will be escorted out immediately.

>Amazons, Vampires, Gods, or anyone trying to strongarm (Not necessarily literally) their way to get what they want will have a charm/seal put on them if necessary and be brought out.

>List goes on.

>>379855

>News Anchor: Top Story Tonight; Local Hospital under contreversy, as it actively prevents patients wives from being near their loved ones. Could this be an act of cruelty, or an act of cold turkey? The poor ones affected had this to say.

>Elf: All I did was suggest he drink from this virgin spring water and some of the herbs in my ancestors' land. Who are they to decide what's "Poisonous"

>Oni hugging her legs in the corner with a blank stare: Those… those traitors. I… I thought we were sisters. They just came for me. And when The beat me down for not listening… I… I offered them a swig of my family's brew, you know, keep their mouth shut, no one of us could resist… They… they just looked at me and told me in disgust that I was not allowed to bring it here…

>A black puddle of whatever is left of a crying shoggoth: STUPID MEIDO HURT MASTAH! MASTAH GOT BETTER MEIDOS WHO CAN HELP HIM BETTER THAN HIS FIRST MEIDO! TEKI-LI LIIIIII!!!

>NA: In response of these protest, the head of the hospital Administration staff had this to say.

>Man slowly stands up a podium, pulls out a folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket, silenceing the crowd. Coughs and clears his throat.

>Man: FUCK YOU-

We are having Some Technical Issues, please stand by.

>Man refolds his paper and walks back to his staff waiting for him in front of the door and go back to work in the hospital.

>>379801

Good save

>>379861

>Featuring Dante from Devil May Cry

>>379861

I don't even like Shoggoths, but i want to see this one consoled and reunited with her husband, along with the other girls.

>>379948

The shoggoth's fine. She, just like any other of the MGs protesting, is overreacting. That's what she gets for trying to assault hospital staff on doing their job. Diligent workers are really hard to come by.

>>379986

They can't get away with sealing away her Mastah. How can they be allowed to get away with making Mastah use regular items and not allowing his shogg to be with him. This is clearly as kiki plot to try to steal the great Mastah away.

>>379988

>Be Dr. Bob, Neurosurgeon, needing to see a patient.

>Go to patient's room, see the 2 nurses be dragged upside down and about to be eaten by a jealous eldritch horror assimilating the entire room.

>Sigh heavily.

>Snap fingers and a magic plastic bag comes in and seals the shoggoth's core to it's surprise.

>Everything turns back to normal, shoggoth in a bag trying to escape, but fails.

>It stares one of her many eyes at you, tearing up (?) and letting out a loud but muffled cry

>Have an oni come pick her up and throw her out instead of the waiting hall so that she won't affect the other patients or staff.

>Now that the ruckus is done, you dust off your nurses, and continue as normal and talk about the patients current abnormal neural hyperactivity.

>>380016

Those whores had it coming they where clearly in league with a bicorn or may the old ones forgive me for uttering such words… a kiki.

>>379952

>moe away spray

Where do I get such a product?

>>380025

Why do you require such an item?

>>380030

I've got an infestation of moeblobs at my house, all pestering me for headpats and hand-holding, the disgusting creatures, and it's driving my jealous waifu crazy.

>>380032

If your waifu is jealous, why don't you give her the same?

>>380035

I'm not a monster, anon! I give my waifu all the lewd stuff I can dare to think of, even going to the degenerate low of snuggling in a nice, big, comfy quilt next to the warm fireplace, but those moeblobs refuse to leave, and everything I do fails to work.

If I don't get rid of them soon, my waifu will go full-on crazy snek, and that won't do nobody no good.

>>380037

Your penis will be happy friend.

>>380038

It's not always the snexual kind of crazy, my friend. She'll go out and whoop the moeblobs with her tail. And I'm not exactly a fan of moeblobs being bullied, even if they are annoying the shit out of me.

>>380040

That's what she gets for the dereliction of the defence of her husband from the moehordes.

>>380024

>In league with a kiki

Tell that to the loud russian yelling of a maid being dragged away because she wanted her master to stand up so she can clean his bed while he had an IV on him.

>>380043

>>380040

>>380039

>not hoarding the moeblobs

>not weaponizing the moeblobs by sticking guns on them

>not having them become a security system and private army in one in exchange for headpats

>not taking over your town with the moeblobs and becoming a warlord

>>380095

They deserve this for sharing their anti shogg charms with the administration.

>Kids in the hospital

>Kids getting hurt in general

One of the worst things I've ever, ever seen.

>Sent to a sandbox, 20xx

>SVBIED does its thing

>Right next to their equivalent to an elementary school

>In the filthy hospital, trying to talk to witnesses

>Loads, loads and loads of of kids

>Some came in by ambulance, most were just tossed into the back of a stranger's pick up and rushed over

>Some of their limbs were in those trucks

>Some kids could talk, others were too hysterical to make sense

>Some kids were too mashed to be recognizable, but were somehow still alive

>So many others were in the morgue

>Tons and tons of weeping parents, many of whom were inconsolable.

Sorry to blogpost, but shit still haunts me

I wonder how mg nurses would handle such sights. How would they look at their own kids at the end of their shift, after seeing the ways such innocent faces can get broken

>>380136

I’m sorry that happened and you had to be caught up in that Anon. You holding steady?

>>380040

I approve of this. Maybe I'll even try on the waifu and some of the moeblobs, for shits and giggles.

>>380091

It's a mix of all three. The chubbis and taters have been the worst at pestering me, while the yukkuri have been content to simply take it easy.

>>380098

I don't know if moeblobs would be suitable for any sort of extended combat, but I'll consider the option.

>>380136

This is awful. Where did this happen at?

>>380136

The troubles, Yugoslavia or some third world nation?

>>380139

>Mix of all three

Well fooey, quite the infestation you got there. So I guess i’ll give you advice for all three types:

>The Cabbages Heads, as i’m sure you’ve seen, are the most sedentary (at least before they start growing bodies or limbs) and the simplest to contain. If you are patient and approach them slowly, you can grab them and box them up with little fuss. From there you can go down to your local agency and that should be the end of it. Deal with them first before they mutate or start fighting with each other, or you’ll have a mess on your hands.

>The Melties are the least rambunctious and most physically and mentally developed of the three categories. Most people I know tend to issue an ultimatum that they have to pay rent or at least perform housework to be allowed to stay. Most of them clear out on their own if they are expected to not just laze around, and if they actually comply at least they are partially pulling their weight now. Almost all cities have a foster program to register and employ them; if you are adamant about getting rid of them, they can come collect them if they are stubborn and have them settled into a start-up bakery or cafe to work/slack off at instead.

>The Plumps are probably the hardest to clear out because they are usually the most babyish and have a bad habit of imprinting on homes they squat in. You’re gonna have to call up a shelter and work with a professional to coax them out of your place and into a proper care facility, a process that can take weeks or even months to finalize depending on how acclimated they already are to your space.

Good luck however you decide to handle them all kind sir.

>>380137

I'm doing alright, thank you for asking

>>380141

>>380143

Third world country

>>380111

>>380016

>Anti Shogg

>It was never about anti shogg. It's the fact that they get the job done.

Have you fuckwits not read up on the Medical Sabbath branch yet? They operate much like >>379848 described, except all mgs are lolis

>>380016

>Be doctor in a hospital

>WORST JOB IN THE WORLD

>Seriously, so much shit to work with

>In addition to hospital shit such as tracking meds, stocks, teaching collegel students and grading their papers and investigating clinical trials, I have to put up with this shit

>Namely, the pissed-as-fuck hellhound held by the hospital guards, trying to murder me with her eyes

>I just do my thing and glare her down

<When will you let me see him!? I HAVE TO SEE HIM!!! I HAVE TO SMELL HIM!!!

>He's infected with a nasty bacterium, and we need to keep him in quarantine until he recovers. How many times do I have to tell you?

<NO! HE'S FINE! HE'S ALWAYS FINE! HE'S NEVER BEEN SICK BEFORE!!! LET ME GO!! I HAVE TO SEE HIM!!!

>First time for everything, miss

<LET HIM OUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I REALLY GET MAD!!! LET ME GO!!!!!

>That's it

>Glare into her eyes

>Ok listen bitch

>I'm his doctor. I saw him. He needs my help

>I can stop right now, you know. I can let him out. He'll be dead in a week

>And with what the disease will do to him, you wont have much to resurrect either

>Not to mention he'll spread it to other men, monsters, children. There'll be an epidemic, and so many will die and it will all be your fault. Is that what you want?

>She just keeps glaring back at me

>Her lip's quivering, and her eyes tearing up

>I know how you feel. But right now, he needs our help, not yours. Isn't that why you brought him here in the first place?

>She nods, and relaxes

>The guards drop her, still wary in case she tries something

>She just puts her face in her paws and sobs

>There's a chapel to Eros, down the corridor to the left. And visitor rooms to the right. Go. Rest.

>She just nods and shuffles away

>I nod to the guards and go to see my patient

>Late twenties, caucasian, fairly handsome

>He's alive and asleep. For now.

>His body's getting tired. The medicines in his blood are not working on this disease as well as they should, kind of why he's in quarantine in the first place

>His charts however are showing some improvement

>Is this however too late?

>This battle is however, coming to an end, one way or another

>I just put his charts back, adjust his treatment a bit, and head out, not waking him up

>I can see her fervently praying in my mind

>There really is no JUSTICE in this world

>>379350

Ive got a pretty shitty cold, who can help me with this?

>>380264

Pick one

>Easy Modo: Pick something else, you pussy.

>Normal modo: Orange juice, garlic, soup.

>Hard modo: Vodka with chili peppers.

>Lunatic modo: Everclear with Carolina Reaper peppers.

>>380226

Happy end, plz. We can go back to /pol/ to read about a bad end.

>>380264

Green tea with garlic, honey and lemon juice worked wonders for me. Just got over one myself

>>380264

I was hoping for a greentext of some overbearing but loving nurse mg to help me through it or something

>>379422

>7DPD

>>380226

Imagine training nurses in that hospital there to not glomp on their patients

>"NO, KEIJY! JUST BECAUSE HE LIKES YOUR HAIR DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN WRAP YOUR HAIR AROUND HIM! I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED TO CHECK HIS PULSE, WE HAVE A MACHINE FOR THAT!"