54f870 No.361119 [View All]
Whelp, you done goofed now son. Waifus were being handed out but you overslept so all the first picks were taken, then the second picks, then the third picks. Now, all that's left are the waifus no one else wanted. Here's what you have to choose from.
french poodle wan- "Zis world is shit, but what else is new?"
+She's slender and prime to be petted.
+keen sense of fashion.
+Despite being very "progressive" she's kinky in bed.
- Smokes too many cigarettes so she has dog breath + cigarette flavor.
- Nihilistic. Kills any optimism you have and will continually put you down.
-she hates traditionalism, doesn't shave and doesn't want to be a mother.
American Rattlesnake thot- "Let me be your next mistake!"
+She's extra juicy but not too juicy. She'll keep you warm at night.
+Real American. Loves guns, Jesus, and freedom.
+She will scare away rival thots with her bedazzled rattle.
- Plastered with all manner of tramp stamps and assorted tattoos
-Has had multiple children out of wedlock. Wants kids with you as well.
-She tends to overdo it with alcohol. You'll need to hide the liquor from her.
Chinese siamese catgirl -"Ruv you wrong time."
+Has the charm of an older ara style woman.
+Hard working and very traditional. Good Waifu material.
+While slow to warm up to you, she'll never leave you once you have her heart.
-Can only speak broken English and Cantonese.
-Years of living in polluted China have left her with patchy fur and possible medical issues down the road.
-She's getting on up there in age. Fertility may be an issue for her if you want kiddos
African Zebra centaur -"Look at me! I am the waifu now!"
+ Young and strong. She's more than fit, she's buff. Easy on the eyes too.
+Physically active. She'll keep you moving in all kinds of ways.
+She'll kick the shit out of anyone who even looks at you wrong.
-Very aggressive. She will dominate your life in more ways than one.
-Won't let you ride her unless you can dominate her. Good luck with that.
-She has that darker skin. Not good for the mamono ethnostate.
European treant waifu- "Would you like some tea, love?"
+She's retains a youthful look despite being centuries old.
+Her leaves can make a tasty tea and she encourages you to sample her.
+has a big heart and is definitely a gud girl. Will love you until you die.
- Her skin is rough and bark like. Intimacy can be tricky and perhaps give you splinters.
-She can't move around quickly. She doesn't leave the house much.
-She'll end up outliving you. You're not her first love either.
If none of these waifus will do we can check into the red files as well. They were applicants that were denied for being too deadly to cohabitate with or failed to meet the baseline criteria for waifu co-housing set forward by our matching algorithm. I mean, it's just going to get worse from here.
____________________________
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23c589 No.377208
 | Rolled 5 (1d20) |
>>377202
eh, fuck it. rolling for onee-san squidtiddy. there's far worse than having both a kraken and steady supply of nibblies in the house.
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e852ad No.377209
| Rolled 1 (1d20) |
>>377202
Might as well play along. Rolling for calamari.
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27f4e6 No.377210
| Rolled 13 (1d20) |
>>377085
>>377202
Rolling for squishy squid.
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54f870 No.377211
>>377208
>>377209
denied by >>377185
BUT WAIT!
>>377210 has jumped ahead with a commendable roll of 13. Squishy squid onesan is pretty popular it seems like…
No one has rolled on the tsundere jellyfish yet. That must sting for her.
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a9c5c0 No.377212
>>377211
The squid onee-san is mine, you motherfucking chucklebeaner.
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a9c5c0 No.377213
| Rolled 13 (1d20) |
>>377212
And of course I'm too retarded to roll.
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54f870 No.377215
>>377213
>>377210
Interesting, we got a tie. If no one rolls higher than both you by the end of the week I'll roll for both of you again. That's how we'll settle future tiebreakers.
If anyone manages a 20 they're fucking golden. Consider that waifu locked down for good if you get that lucky
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5af0f1 No.377217
Reggay Kalp - Pass the Dutchie on the left hand side
+ 420 blaze it Snoop
+ Knows stoner music and plays stoner songs
+ Will suck your dick for more weed like in half baked
- Knows stoner faggots and drug dealers
- Stinks up everything
- It is a stoner alp druggie
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a9c5c0 No.377218
| Rolled 2 (1d20) |
>>377215
I was wondering how that would work, sounds fair.
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a68393 No.377219
| Rolled 16 (1d20) |
Give me the squid
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a9c5c0 No.377220
>>377219
FUCKING GOD DAMN IT
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a68393 No.377223
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
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5af0f1 No.377226
| Rolled 20 (1d20) |
>>377094
Going for Squid
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54f870 No.377227
>>377226
Is that for your alp squid or mine? Nice roll. Regardless of which waifu people end up with they're all gonna be salty since they come from the sea.
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5af0f1 No.377228
>>377227
yours but hit wrong post number
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befa67 No.377229
>alp shitposter instantly cucks 6 anons out of the squid
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a68393 No.377230
>>377220
I deserve this for taunting you
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54f870 No.377231
>>377229
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. As someone who dabbles shitposting himself, I admire the dedication to the premise but I feel like he could do more creatively. After so many lusted after the squid onesan only to have her taken away by alpy poster- It's too perfect.
To keep harem play from emerging you can only end up with one Waifu. If you've rolled on more than one and won multiple rolls by the end of the week you'll keep the Waifu with the highest roll you made. Runners-up to your rolls for other waifus you were rolling on will win the waifu you rolled on. Highest roll (assuming you win) will be your choice. You can't backstep to a lower roll even if it is a winner.
Gud luck.
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a9c5c0 No.377233
| Rolled 13 (1d20) |
>>377230
Plenty of fish in the sea, anon.
Speaking of which, rolling for anglerfish girl because why not.
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906173 No.377240
| Rolled 3 (1d20) |
>>377204
Fuck all this fish thots, I want this one. We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white and hellhound children.
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39946b No.377246
>>377202
I want the anglerfish. I hope she's prepared for bag-on-head jokes.
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39946b No.377247
| Rolled 9 (1d20) |
>>377246
I'm a retard.
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54f870 No.377342
>>377201
looking back, when you said squishy, were you referring to squid onesan? If so sea-cucumber chan is still in play pretty much with 0 rolls on her. You didn't deny it when I assumed you were talking about her but I wasn't sure when I read your post first time around.
>>377226 has locked down apparently the best ocean-centric waifu if the number of rolls is any indication with 20.
>>377233 Dubs man has his claws into anglerfish chan with a nice roll of 13.
>>377086 This anon hasn't turned down Jamacian Sea-weed chan so he's effectively locked her down with a roll of 18.
>>377201 Unless otherwise stated I'll say this roll was for sea cucumber chan. If they wanna renounce their roll and say they were rolling for Squid chan instead I'll revoke the established 18 given the unique case. Everyone else is locked in to whatever they rolled for.
Jellyfish-chan is still untouched. A combination of stinging tendrils and a tsundere attitude has rendered her rolless. I bet she's jelly of all the other girls…
>>377240
>hellwan
>in an ocean-centric batch of waifus
Wait until the Christmas special where we have picks that are lonely on Christmas looking for those without someone to keep them warm in the winter months. They'll steal your heart as well as your virginity.
Rolling locks down on Monday. To keep the thread from floating to the surface of the board after every roll I guess we should go ahead and sage roll votes from here on out given the number of different things to roll on as well as people's penchants for only rolling on one girl at a time.
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befa67 No.377357
>>377342
It was for loofah-chan
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54f870 No.377362
>>377357
>going for the waifu that has the physicality of a bodypillow
You have the tastes of a true patrician. Such a pure love, I envy it.
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b73f13 No.377372
/k/ikimora
"I need you at attention soldier!"
+likes guns
+/- REALLY like guns
+ all the guns in your house will be perfectly cleaned and maintained
- your house will never quite be clean
+campsites are kept in perfect order though
+/- instead of "master" she refers to you as General or other ranks depending on the situation
- unless she just uses comrade
- may resort to e-begging after a gun purchase
+/-hates kebab and will remove
+/- random Russian/German/is-that-even-a-language phrases
+she cooks
-she sometimes serves MRE's
+/-all outfits have some amount of milsurp
+/-will conduct random drills to test preparedness
-that includes gas drills
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26841b No.377381
| Rolled 7 (1d20) |
>>377372
GIMME
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e852ad No.377383
| Rolled 20 (1d20) |
>>377372
Davai
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26841b No.377384
>>377383
I will kill you for this, that is the ideal kiki waifu
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e852ad No.377386
>>377384
Иди на хуй. She's mine.
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26841b No.377388
>>377386
Then post your guns and fight for her
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49ec80 No.377396
>>377388
IRL gun sequences rank among the top 10 /monster/ memes.
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39946b No.377409
>>377388
But someone already posted mine. >>377396
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e852ad No.377413
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23c589 No.377424
>>377372
>conducts gas drills
>subjects you to dutch ovens
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26841b No.377425
>>377413
You're not the only one with a Kar don't bully her for being bubba'd she's a work in progress
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b972fa No.377427
>>377425
Your desk needs cleaning Georgia-anon
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26841b No.377428
>>377427
It does
Why do you think I want a kikimora waifu?
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b972fa No.377431
>>377428
The more time that has to be spent cleaning is less time that can be used for other things. Unless all you want is a cleaning service?
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b17379 No.377432
>>377425
>tfw no guns
I need her more than you do.
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26841b No.377435
>>377431
I want someone that will inspire me to keep my place clean. Right now I have no motivation to clean up, since I don't mind living like a slob. If I had my kiki waifu with me, I would want to keep clean for her sake.
If all I wanted was a cleaning service, I'd be after a Shoggoth.
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ed83c0 No.377445
>>377432
Shamefur Dispray.
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7196ba No.377453
File: f16314fac5e0bdc⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image,560.98 KB,850x481,850:481,sample_d9c2881da19f6da65c1….jpg)
File: 1da82a2a3089836⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image,535.76 KB,850x991,850:991,sample_86304ec4be909b5e376….jpg)
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26841b No.377459
>>377453
Mine's a 98a so it's less Fuhrer and more Kaiser.
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54f870 No.377605
>>377226
>>377233
>>377086
>>377201
Don't forget to tell us about your dates. Hopefully it works out. The saltwater tanks are non-refundable.
Jellyfish-chan is still untouched. I'm sure she'll be fine though. Prolly. That's it for the oceanic waifus that were left wanting at the start of winter. Get ready to give thanks for some shortstacks this thanksgiving as we showcase some semi-portable but totally perfect pint sized partners. Unless you hate short stacks at which point you may need to wait till Christmas for some more robust waifus.
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b17379 No.377608
>>377445
>he thinks guns can beat swords
>on an anime board
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b972fa No.377628
>>377608
Did you try to electrify your knife?
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7196ba No.377633
File: c4129dcdf8b06e9⋯.png (Spoiler Image,1.77 MB,1688x1639,1688:1639,35215226.8_Static_Cling_Sw….png)
>>377608
>>377628
Here's an even better question, did it work? Because if it didn't she could help you with that.
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b17379 No.377634
>>377628
If you're talking about the black mark then no, that was from heating the blade up to cut plastic, hence why I have a single fucked blade and a bunch of decent ones, the positive is disconnected form the battery, though I doubt it would even do that much damage if it was, thanks to the cheap yet decent chink metal.
>>377633
>anon asks me for help with "electrifying" his "blade"
>asks me to meet him up as his house whenever
>instantly go home
>wear my best pair of panties
>get wet just thinking about it
>wear my second best pair of panties
>call him up in advance and dash straight through his door
>after a bit of small chat I decide it's time
<"So… where's your… blade?"
>"Here it is"
>he takes out the shittiest fucking paper cutter
>he just wants me to electrify it to take a picture for an oriental literature and photography club
>just fuck my shit up
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befa67 No.377965
>>377605
I haven’t forgotten, just been busy lately. Probably do it on the weekend.
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