/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

>>359324

>Aside from that, what mamono would teach the various subjects?

<Lamia/Umi Osho: Herpetology

<Matango: Mycology

<Lizardman: ROTC

<Liliraune: Twin studies

<Dryad/Alraune: Agricultural sciences

>And what sort of clubs would the various monster girls go to or create?

Should be pretty obvious, considering the personalities of each mamono.

>>359361

>Not making the paladin accidently the most liked teacher of the bunch

>Be paladin

>Fucking hate my job, but have to do it

>At least I have my weapons and shield

>See despairing demon student

>Goddammit

>Ask her what's wrong

>She wants to make a contract with a guy she likes, but he won't sign it, citing "It's not even the least bit favourable to me"

>Read through the contract

>Fucking ten pages long, red ink on black paper

>ohgodmyeyes.png

>Can't look at other women except her, curfews, bank restrictions, usual "soul belongs to me" demon deal

>Christ, I haven't seen such shit since the last Fat dykes rally outside my house in XX

>Explain 3DPD to her and why men hate them

>Also why red on black is a terrible fucking choice

>Demonic lightbulb, she thanks me and runs off

>next day, demon's back

>Handed the guy two contracts

>Things he has to do for her: three pages long

>Things she has to do for him: over four thousand pages, including handholding, marriage at his chosen location, etc.

>She's basically turning herself into a toy for him

>Dude discards about 90% of the other contract, only keeping the "essential bits"

>I'd give you the essential bit of my sword for writing under a demonic contract, you heaten!

>They seem awfully happy now

>This is gonna result in more demons, isn't it?

>Why is she thanking me for "sage advice"?

>Go away, demon

>Catch nerd boy running in the halls

>Dude's a fucking manlet, I've seen kobolds with more guts than him

>Says he's scared of the big buff monster girls

>Well maybe if you weren't such a little pussy…

>Idea.illumination

>Make him my squire

>Every day he must carry my shit

>Bible study, two prayers before bed, workouts

>Make that fucker run 4 goddamn miles while I chase him on my bike

>Proper meals, make him say grace in latin

>Fucker has grown like three feet by the end of the year, had to get a new uniform

>Grows a beard as well, now wrestling onis for fun

>Still a virgin

>I'm so proud of him

>A centaur just confessed to me

>She's one of them Japanese horses, silky black hair

>Tell her I'm not into horsepussy

>Also, teachers shouldn't be having affairs with students, despite what our headmaster says, the WHORE, I CAN HEAR HER GETTING FUCKED BY HER HUSBAND DURING WORK HOURS AND IT DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL, SUCH BLATANT DISREGARD OF SCHOOL RULES

>She leaves, determined

>ohno…

>Next day, she's back

>Fucking platearmor

>Holy symbols

>Religious text stitched on the white cloth covering her

>A fucking pike and shield as well

>A goddamn saddle

>Hide my helmet in my hands

>idontevenlikehorsepussy.jpeg

>Some heathen stole my bike the other day

>I was filled with rightous anger

>But then I found out he took my unlocked bike to reach the hospital where his sick and dying mother was

>So I healed his mother with the power of Christ and gave him a lecture

>Got my bike back

>So, whatever

>Bunyip attacked me in the hallway

>Begs me to huff her fluff

>Bitch, I can't feel shit through my armor

>Break out of her grip, toss her at the one of the jocks passing by

>Bunyip never let go of him

>Bunyip got married to jock a year later

>Burnt their invitation

>I'm being haunted by the ghost girl of christmas past

>Pass her on to the next lonely guy I see on the street

>I don't know why, but there is a lot more carolling this year

>I got christmas presents from a lot of students

>The fuck is going on?

I wonder what monster girl would be best for teaching the joys of amateur radio? How to set up antennas, how to make sure people can hear you including shitposting on the ISS, how to get licensing, how to freeband.

A gremlin would be best, but I could see teaching assistants being an automaton, a raiju, and a thunderbird.

>>359413

This post genuinely warmed my heart and made me smile a little bit. Great Teacher Paladin is a miracle of the universe.

>Senior class dedicates a part of their graduation to singing a hymn in honor of Mr. Paladin

>Paladin's helmet is as stalwart as ever

but a single tear slides down his face underneath and emerges from the bottom of it, he claims it's just sweat.

>>359413

>>359361

>Paladin is one of those old teachers that half-teaches, half-goes on tangents about important life lessons, sex ed etc.

The best kind of teacher.

>>359421

Elemental harem.

>>359421

Easy, just do it how the grand wizard did and learn the power of corpromancy. Basically a literal shitmancer

>>359421

Any way to cast a special monster-proof barrier using some of your mana? To me, it's either that, retreating to another dimension and learning there, or calling in the Order to purge with fire, if you are feeling particularly extreme.

>>359424

Will suck my mana dry leaving me powerless.

>>359425

>monster tries to hit on me

>throw feces all through the halls

>get expelled from school and fail to get a diploma so I can't get to a secluded Wizard's school

Unfortunately I'm not on a quest to get glass for shitposting purposes besides he fugged a monster anyways, he isn't a true wizard

>>359426

I can't I haven't reached the magic number yet, so the primary reason I'm get swarmed is the amount of mana stored in my loins and the purity of it because virginity. Calling the Order is a bit overkill, and I don't want to end up in prison for mamono-related hate crimes, they won't let you practice wizardry in a prison cell.

>>359431

Then find a master wizard and apprentice to him. Have him cast spells on you to repel the monsters and in exchange you become his errand boy/housekeeper. Then when you become a wizard he can start teaching you.

>>359413

>Little yeti in my street is selling homemade icecream

>Buy one

>Immideatly spit it out

>it's not lemon

>It's fucking apple

>Demand an explanation for this bullshittery

>She says she doesn't have any lemons today

>Girl, I tasted your mother's lemon icecream last summer, that shit was so tart my fucking helmet scrunched up, now give me my fucking lemons

>Says she'll be back tomorrow

>That's fine, I leave for work

>Next day, yeti's back, and she brought lemons

>One problem

<There's a fucking line

>Fine, I can wait

>I want my fucking lemons

>Time goes by, finally my turn

>She's sold out

>Ultrafuckingdepressed.gif

>Take the rest of the day off, not that there was much of it left anyway

>Visit the local icecream shop and order a lemon sundae

>It's not the same, but at least it's lemon

>Summertime, and the AC is broken

>Yuki-onnas and ice elementals are lamenting their cruel fate

>My sheer hatred for them makes the room temperature drop some thirty degrees

>I'm their fucking hero now, and they keep cozying up to me during class

>At least none of them are trying to grope me, and they are paying attention

>Get accosted by oni in the hallway

>She's like a head taller than me, but I'm not scared

>A bit more worried about her shirtbuttons, they are barely holding back her giant red tits

>She angrily yells at me for turning her bolli bait into Manly McManlyson

>Suddenly Squire outta nowhere!

>He wants to know why she's bulling his Master i.e. Teacher i.e. me

>Grab her by her waist

>She can't do anything, the combined scent of his manliness and virginity is overpowering her senses

>She's so drunk, she's making weird faces

>I think I confiscated a hentai doujin with that exact expression once

>Squire german suplexes her so hard the floor cracks

>It's fine, she's an oni, she can take it

>Manly handshake, and we go our seperate ways

>But not before covering the strings she calls panties with my cape

>Squire has subjugated all the onis into proper ladies of learning

>They arrive on time, take notes and keep quiet

>They even have a study group now

>Squire has graduated from onis to ushi-onis

>Currently handling three of them at once like he's fucking Steve Irvin in Jurassic Park

<It's working

>So proud of him

>Alp clings to my leg, begging for help

>Tell him to tackle a guy and yell a certain phrase

>Alp does his thing to the guy he likes

<"IF YOU DON'T LET ME SUCK YOUR DICK, YOU'RE GAY!"

>Victim is screaming and cursing at me

>Pedal home, laughing all the way

>Headmaster stops me on my daily patrol of the school grounds

>She wants to know if I have been nice to the mamono students

>Stuff the last piece of garlic bread I bullied the vampires with in my mouth

>Slide the silver crosses for werewolves under my tabard

>Drop the spray bottle of holy water I use on hellhounds down my pants

>Slip the riding crop for centaur discipline into my sleeve

>The lich's phylactery goes up the other

>Whisk the can of bugspray away to the small of my back

>Already got rid of the catnip

>Car battery clamps for combined Raiju-Automaton-Gremlin bullying neatly hidden behind my shield

>Shears hidden in my helmet

>Canisters on CO2 for making lamias cold tucked away in my fake scabbard

>State in my most honest voice that I would never willingly harm a student, monster or otherwise

>The dumb bitch believed me

>Have to actually teach for once

>It's the most boring part

>Explain to students the importante of being graceful in defeat

>Fuck it, I read them the entire "General MacArthur's poem to his son"

>Why are my student's crying?

>Get in fight with Jinko student

>She wouldn't pay attention, keeps disrupting class, and now things have escalated

>Nearly break her back during the back

>I'm fucking strong, don't mess with me

>She finally admits defeat when I force her arm out of socket as payback for sundering my helmet

>She won't stop staring at my face

>It's embarrassing, I feel naked without my helmet

>Have to use a paper bag for the rest of the day

>Commission a new helmet from my blacksmith buddy

>Now that Jinko won't stop stalking me

>At least I had a spare helmet at home

>>359434

>A catgirl got stuck in the top of a dryad the other day

>Dryad wouldn't let her down because the cat kept scratching at her roots

>Catgirl was scared shitless, screaming for help

>It was up to me to get the catgirl down

>I was enjoying my lunch, and now I have to do this shit

>Threaten dryad with cutting by waving my axe at her

>She finally agrees to let the cat down, but I have to get her myself

>Fuck

>Have to climb the dryad, listening to her moan and whimper

>Shut the fuck up or I'll burn you down

>Finally get to the top

>Grab cat by the scruff of her neck, toss her over my shoulders amd carry her down

>Good thing I can't feel her tits rubbing against me through my armor

>She's still shaking once we get down, won't leave my side

>Have to spend the rest of recess giving her headpats

>Fucking mamono

>Birthday time!

>I made myself a cake

>Spend all day sharpening and oiling my gear

>Fix my armor

>New helmet from my blacksmith buddy

>It's better than the last one

>Suddenly knock on the door

>It's an angel

>She says she's here to give me my heavenly reward

>A few years before I might have been excited, now I'm just suspicious

>Tell her I'd like to accept, but my earthly duties are not yet finished, a lot of people depend on me

>I'm referring to other paladins on /paladin/, but she doesn't need to know that

>She gasps, blushes, and leaves in a hurry

>The next day

>I'm being followed by three angels and six valkyries for being such a noble person

>Fucking mamono leave me alone

>Turns out my recent victory over the Jinko inspired the salamanders and lizardgirls

>They have formed a militia

>No, a holy army!

>Consisting of seven lizards and five salamanders

>It's kinda pathetic, in a heartwarming sort of way

>They ask me to be their general

>I would if I could, but contract says I can't accept more than one squire until my sentence is done

>They are all depressed, they spent their entire weekend on making their costumes

>Contract says nothing about appointing my squire as general, and he has to follow my orders anyway

>Morale_restored.buff

>Recruit some vampires to serve as assassins, and the centaur from before

>I have my own army now

>Police time

>And boy is ms. Police out to get me this time

>I guess she's still angry I crashed her wedding

>With a supercharged bulldoser going downhill

>Fucking minotaurs aren't human, were it up to me, I'd chase all mamono out

>Shes drilling me to find something I'm guilty at

>I got rid of all my bully material a week before, she's got nothing on me

>I'm colder than an iceberg

>She interviews the students

>Squire's up first

>He's flexing his muscles, explaining how I helped him become a better man

>Salamanders and Lizards up next

>They started a HEMA group inspired by me

>Centaur backs them up

>Ice themed mamonos don't want to lose their cool (heh) teacher

>Random woman comes to school, says I healed her deadly disease

>Who the fuck are you?

>The catgirl I rescued adores me

>The jinko loves me

>The onis are desperate to keep me, one of them wants to major in history and needs me for research material

>shut up im not crying youre crying

I'll post more paladin stories later, but you have to wait until lunch. Back in a few hours

>>359436

Cool, hope to read more.

>>359413

Best paladindu posting I've ever seen 11/10

>>359436

How do I be as manly as you paladin anon?

Gonna cap these when done as an example of paladinposting done right

>>359435

>Angels burst in through the window and starts singing my praises

>Literally singing, fucking gregorian chanting up in this bitch

>There's glass everywhere

>The valkyries have joined the HEMA group, along with a couple of elves as archers

>fml

>Ms. Police angrily asks me if I have anything to add to what my adoring stude nts have said

<Ah thing Ahll gondindu deadshing dem

>Fuck, I'm bawling

>Fuck, the girls are Awww'ing

>Fuck the boys are rawling!

>I can feel my manliness shrinking in shame

>Police lets me go, Ms Poli-taur does the I'm keeping my eyes on you motion

>Order everybody back to class and to leave me alone, I have to clean snot out of my helmet

>There's a depressed Cancer in my school (yeah, I'd be fucking depressed if I was cancer too, oh lawdy)

>Find her blowing bubbles alone by the drinking fountain

>Angrily tickle her armpits like there's no tomorrow

>She can't stop scream-laughing, flailing her arms and legs

>"ARE YOU FEELING IT NOW, MISSUS CRABS??"

>She begs for mercy, but I will not relent

>Exhausted, Cancer is no longer depressed

>Little kikimora is sad because shoggots keep one-upping her

>Can't fight back, because what can a mortal do to eldritch abomimations

>Ponder about her predicament for a while

>Tell there will always be guys who prefer flesh and meat over having their minds corroded

>Oh, sure, a shoggot can be anything, but she will never experience the true love of having a child, and she will outlive her husband by at least a couple of aeons

>Kikis and their husbands have to actually work hard to get what they want

>Kiki is determined

>Tell her to do some situps, no guy has ever said no to a fit babe

>Ruffle her feathers and wish 'Lil' featherduster' good luck

>Later, get called to Headmaster's office

>Featherduster's angry mother is there

>Apparently, calling a kikimora for a featherduster is like calling a nigger a porch monkey

>Lady, I call p'orcs bacon and emergency rations all the time, and I certainly don't give a shit about something as harmless as 'featherduster'

>Maybe try and take the term back?

>Later, in the news

>Kikis have taken back the term featherduster, Shoggots despair as they lose their most potent insult

>There's also a kiki biker gang going about illegally cleaning residenses

>Bar my door and scratch some holy symbols on the handle in case of shoggots

Got more ideas, but work is still for three more hours. Those who wait for paladinposting, shall not wait in vain for paladinposting

I forgot to take of my fucking sage

>>359450

>The most dreaded day comes

>School trip, and I have to join

>A two hour bustrip in a bus filled with horny monsters and boys

>At least I get to cockblock the couples in the back

>I have two lizards in my class, both currently in standard uniforms

>Wooden swords too, they aren't allowed to carry real swords yet without permission

>I have my own sword, it's quite standard, various holy runes inscribed in it

>But I'm not allowed to use it unless it's a lifethreatening situation, and those never show up

>I haven't drawn my sword in combat for over two years

>At least I get to keep and maintain it in case of emergencies

>The spider girl is eyeing me

>Ms. Hakutaku is talking to class about the purpose of the trip

>I have to keep awake

>Never know when some mamono is gonna try and fondle me

>At least we don't have chesires in this particular class

>Stop no less than two handjobs, one blowjob, and one nasty case of tailpussy job

>Fucking manticores are too easy to catch

>Just ask them to show you their tail

>It's some coastal city, very rich place

>So many mamono

>Urgetopurgeintesifying.shout

>I can feel the single ones undressing me with their eyes

>At least the art gallery is alright

>Students scurry about, talking in hushed voices as they look at the paintings and statues

>Even I admire them

>That art revolution in 2XXX completely rewinded the clock on art, going from post-modernism and dadaism of shitty art and menstrual blood, to actual art with effort

>I prefer statues and glass paintings myself

>There are some absolutely breathtaking statues here

>Marble carved out in such a way as to resemble a sheet of silk over bodies, the face still visible underneath

>How do they do it?

>I particularly liked the one depicting a mighty warrior

>The sheer amount of detail, from the carvings on his helmet, to the chipped morningstar he was holding

>I can enjoy the tasteful nudity of others

>Much better than literal pictures of buttholes and niggers sucking cock

>And hey, the monsters leave me alone for a while

>HEY, NO SEX IN THE GALLERY

>FUCKING MANTICORES

>Lecture the manticore and her boyfriend for a solid hour on the importance of condoms and safe sex, also about the sanctity of proper art galleries and museums

>Some older gentlemen and his orc waifu comes over

>The orc waifu looks smarter than your average orc, she's wearing glasses

>Tells me it's good I discipline my students, but could I please take it outside

>Want to yell at the old bastard to keep his nose out of my business, but his scars, the fang necklace, and the runic brace on his leg make me rethink

>For an old man, he sure looks like he could give me a run for my money

>I could take him on

>Apologize to him for yelling, my students were being disrespectful to the art

>He gives me a nod and a chuckle, and leaves

>I think I saw his waifu in the papers once, some medical breakthrough or something

>No longer that angry

>Tell the offenders they can go

>They can't

>Their legs fell asleep

>Have to carry the fuckers until the blood returns to their legs

>Wanted to leave them with a sign saying "This is a performance art piece, do not disturb or listen to the participants"

>Can't do that of course, they would just make more of a racket than I was

>Manticores are fucking heavy

>Time pass, and it's finally time for lunch

>There's a restaurant right across from the gallery

>I brought my own lunch, don't trust the monstermade stuff

>We round up our twentythree students, all heads accounted for, and leave

>Nobody saw the guy who just threw his arm

>One of the boys suddenly cry out in pain

>Did the manticore sting him?

>No, he's bleeding from a wound in the head

>Manticore spines don't do that

>Then some mamono yelp and covers their heads

>Something strikes my helmet with enough force to make it ring loudly

>A fucking rock

>Somebody is slinging rocks at us

>Now a bunch of people are charging us, screaming rather pathetically

>Black masks, hoddies, improvised weaponry

>Fucking commie anti-mamono pieces of shit

>The lizards rush forward to meet them, but there's only two of them, and about fifteen of the other guys

>Lizard #1 blocks some guy's iron pipe, while lizard #2 strikes another over the head, but they are both swarmed

>I'm just shocked at the realization of the situation

>These guys have weapons

>That means they can do harm

>They are threatening the lives of my students

>This is a lifethreatening situation

>I can draw my sword

>Best schooltrip ever!

>>359470

>In the name of God

>In the name of God!

>IN THE NAME OF GOD WE GO TO HEEEEAVEN!

>Sword drawn after two long years, I slam myself, shield first, into the nearest soyboy

>He must have been a lightweight, 'cause he's flying into the guy behind

>Kick the other guy in the side

>Hit one in the belly with the broadside of my sword

>Down in one fucking hit, these bikelockcucks can't do anything right

>Jinko has my back, bodyslamming a cuck into the ground

>Probably the most intimate he's ever been with a girl

>Jokes aside, this is a very dangerous situation

>Anti-mamonos have been getting bolder and bolder

>While us paladins agree with them in principle (mamono bad), we disagree with their values (or lack thereof. These fuckers think shit and screaming is art, I can't accept it)

>Also, 3DPD can go to hell, they want to take away my swords

>So instead of harassing mamono like a bunch of cowards, we paladins dress up and wear our opinions on our sleeves

>Much more effective at getting the point across, but monsters are more tolerable of us

>It's kinda like dressing up like a nazi some XXX years back, but instead of everybody ganging up on you, you get swarmed by a bunch of horny mamono

>Enough exposition, back to the fight

>I have students to protect

>Lizard #2 takes a bat to the side of her knee, goes down with a cry

>Notonmyfuckingwatch.eye

>Headstrike at antimaggot, then stab into the guys harassing lizard #1

>"Get up and fall back! Protect the others. Jinko, go with them. I'll handle the rest."

>I have trained the HEMA group in small unit tactics using info I found on /paladin/

>They should be fine in one-on-one battles

>The manticore isn't a bad shot with that tail of hers, but she's almost out of spines

>Ms. Hakutaku is using her ruler like a goddamn rapier

>Is there anything that woman doesn't know?

>The holstaur is being protected by a group of three guys

>They're probably fighting over who can win her heart

>Pick up a pipe and chuck it at the group of antimaggots in front of me

>I'm not very good at throwing

>Kneecap one of them

>Imeanttodothat.img

>There's a particularly fat one off to the side screaming about the matriarchy

>Slice her (I think it's a her?) across the belly

>Literally only cut fat

>IT still screams in pain

>Hit its face with the pommel of my sword for good measure before advancing

<"Retreat, retreat!"

>Antimaggots are running like cowards

>Always relying on cheap and dirty tactics

>Gotta hand it to them though, it has worked in the past

>Don't fix what ain't broken, right?

>Still, can't trust them, nor should I fall to their level

>I chase them two streets before letting them go

>Only got one more anyway

>Drag him with me back to the studnt body

>Manticore's boyfriend is getting some emergency first aid

>Fuck it, I heal him

>Barely costs me anything anyway

>Did earn me some adoration and respect, I suppouse

>Lay on Hands on the lizards as well, just in case

>Jinko is fine

>She has rounded up the ones that got beat up

>One of the niggers has a nasty bite in his shoulder

>Looks like Jinko's got a big mouth and the jaw muscles to back it up

>Mrs. Hakutaku has called the cops, and the security from the gallery is already here

>Become local hero at school

>Can't bully the students as much as before

>HEMA group got even more recruits

>Maybe that holy army idea isn't too far fetched after all

>Get interviewed by schoolpaper and radio

>Ratatoskr interviewer and Automaton recorder

>I think I filled her bag with mothballs once

>Play up the hero angle

>Exaggerate some details

>Fuck it, I even slip in a recruitment add for the HEMA, the more people the better

>Even get my picture taken

>Thumbs up

>Not every day you get to be a hero

>After placing a particularly scary scarecrow in the crowgirls' usual tree, I pedal home for the day

>Time for bed

>Can't fall asleep

>Something's in the walls

>Follow sound until I locate it near my wardrobe

>There's a small hole in the wall

>Damn, wall's thinner than I imagined

>Bust through it easily to scare whatever is on the other side

>I can repair the wall later

>Someone cries out in surprise, and six small voices start crying

>There's a goddamn family of mice in my fucking wall

>>359479

Alright, finally have a moment all to myself. I also have my fucking laptop now, so that's something. Anyway, time to hit the rest of this threadjacking story

>I have learnt a few new things

>1: The walls to my apartment are a lot thinner than I first anticipated

>2: The space between the walls is large enough for a small child to pass through

>3: While I was away today, a family of mice, one mother and her six daughters, moved in

>And I currently have them sitting infront of me

>Well, she's sitting

>Her kids are still just toddlers, can barely crawl about

>She's begging me to not toss her out

>Says she'll do anything

>Emphasis on ANYTHING

>Jesus Christ, lady, stop it! You're making me feel like the bad guy here

>I really should be throwing her out, she has no business in the walls of this house

>But it's dangerous out there on the streets

>Hell, I should know, I've BEEN there

>However, she is here illegally, and I AM a paladin

>But she's looking really thin, and her kids are looking a little pale

>Such small things won't survive the winter

>She had gathered isolation and old newspapers, and turning it into a hive

>Christ, that's no way to live

>Ask her where her husband is

>She has kids, so there must be a father

>No response

>She looks like she's trying to hold back a bad memory

>That bad, huh?

>One of her kids start crying, the one with brown hair and a thick tail

>She lift her baby up and sheepisly take off part of her top to feed it

>Turn away to preserve some of her dignity

>Sigh, and make a decision

>The guys on /paladin/ was right

>I have gotten soft

>Tell her I'll let her stay, on a few conditions

>She keeps my house clean while I'm away, and she hides when the landlord comes around

>She'll also keep her kids away from my stuff, and can use my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom as much as she needs

>Meanwhile, I'll keep her and her kids fed, and supply her with diapers and whatever else she needs, provided my budget can cover it

>A pretty good deal for her, I'd say

>Oh, and no sexual stuff

>Ever

>At all

>Never

>Most verboten!

>She was speechless

>And then the tears came

>Ohnonotthetears

>Anything but the tears

>Please don't cry, I'm suppoused to be a badass paladin with a heart of steel and a spirit of heavenly fire

>Green eyes overflowing, big dirty tears streaking down her white cheeks

>Kept repeating "thank you, thank you"

>Yes, yes, whatever

>Toss her a big towel, tell her to take a shower and clean herself and her kids

>Meanwhile I'll make her some sandwhices

>Ms. Mouse spent a long time in the bathroom

>Whatever, I can wait

>I'll toss the sandwhiches in the toaster when she comes out, I can pretend I'm burning Dark Mages

>My apartment is like one big room really, only the bathroom is seperate

>Cheap, and I have a garage as well

>Got the real dangerous stuff down there

>Stuff that'll get me thrown in jail if I as much as break the seals

>Why is it sealed away?

>I crashed a wedding with a supercharged bulldozer going downhill

>Why am I repeating this to you, just scroll up, dammit!

>Ms. Mouse finally came out of the bathroom

>Bundled her kids up with towels, carrying five of them on her tail

>Strong tail, kinda like a manticore, minus the barbs and ugly segments

>Her hair is a deep, dark black, cut short and framing her little face

>Pale skin upon a thin frame, barely any curves up top

>Different story downstairs, very wide

>Don't stare, you idiot

>Pink ears and tail, green eyes like a rich forest

>Squeeze the toast iron around the sandwhiches, you can hear the bread frying underneath

>Wait about two minutes, then open to check

>Bread's golden, perfectly toasted

>Damn, I'm good at this

>Slide them off and cut both into two triangles

>Triangle toast taste better than square, fucking fight me

>Put the plate down in front of her, along with utensils

>She thanks me quietly

>Just nod in response, still wearing my helmet

>I put a lot of cheese on hers

>Maybe a little presumptious of me, but can you blame me?

>It's really late, I should go to bed

>But I'm a little hungry, and I want to keep my new rommate(s) company a little longer

>Ask for her name while toasting my portion

>Can't keep calling her Ms. Mouse if she's going to live with me

>Her name is Orda

>Her kids are named, in order:

>Gauda: Same black hair as he mother, thin, short tail

>Roche: Brown hair, short thick tail

>Jarla: Also black hair, long tail

>Etivaz: another one with black hair

>Mozarella: White hair

>Telemea: Brown hair, but I noticed she had blue eyes

>>359486

>Orda ate with small bites, chewing softly at the warm bread, ham and cheese

>It's kind of cute

>I normally wolf mine down, but for the sake of tablemanners, I just take big bites

>I guess I should be sleeping on the couch

>No no no, she doesn't want to be a burden, she'll take the couch

>Nope, no deal

>Not my kids, after all

>She should take the bed and make herself comfortable

>As soon as I have changed the sheets, of course

>Now shut up and eat your toast before it gets cold, you'll need it to make milk for your kids

>What? I know I'm a paladin, doesn't mean I have to be ignorant of how the human body functions

>Ask her if she's hurting anywhere

>No, not really, she says

>Touch her hand and spend a use of my healing abilites just in case

>She jolts in surprise, but calms down

>I finish up my supper, clean my plate, change the sheets and then toss myself on the couch with a couple of towels for blankets

>I'm far to trusting of mamono, I really should harden up

>Too late for that now though

>Morning comes around, and get up early as usual

>I fucking hate my job

>Eat, shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, scream in surprise at the mouse sitting on my bed

>oh, right

>I took in a mouse last night

>Fuck, barely got any sleep

>Calm down, heart, it's only a mouse

>Tell her good morning and excuse myself

>Grab my sword and shield, tell her I'll be home around three PM

>I'll grab some diapers and new clothes on the way home

>Even wrote it up on my phone to make sure I remembered it

>Slow day at school really

>Play around with the thunderbirds by chasing them around with a watergun

>Get admired by the lizards and salamanders as a hero

>Oh yeah, that feels good

>Centaur introduces me to two more centarus that want to join HEMA

>Well, if they can take a beating, they're free to join

>It's not all fun and games, though

>The third year elves want to get back at me for taping kitchen knives to the picture of their class rep.

>She's some kinda school idol, I think, quite well liked among the student body

>Man, elves are just annoying

>You can fucking stare them into submission

>No, really, I literally stared them into submission

>Stand over them and just stare down at the knifeears

>They get weak in the knees and wet between the thighs at even the slightest show of masculinity

>The Class rep. could do little more than shiver like a leaf on the wind and blubber like a child

>I have a fucking harem of elves know

>I hate them so goddamn much

>Formerly depressed Cancer is cheering on her mershark friend

>Mersharks are fast in the water, huh

>Lots of water mamono are fast, but apparently mersharks are the fastest

>Too bad I dropped a kraken ink bomb into the water tank

>Doesn't take long for the water to become pitch black

>Nobody said I can't use monstergirls against themselves

>And now all the monstergirls are painted inky black and they are stranded

>Have to hose them down

>Pool is closed

>Laughs_in_latin.sound

>The gazers, mimics and mindflayers have turned the library into a miniature dungeon

>Stranded multiple students in there

>Fucking solo that shit

>Give them all a proper holy spanking and a long, long, LONG lecture

>You don't get to use school property to play with

>Yes, that goes for the Anubis that keeps making book igloos

>Oh, goddammit, not again

>Some male students have been sneaking into the basement to do dark business down there

>Stalk one down there

>They have built a fucking shrine near the boiler

>Not some pathetic little thing that consists of a picture and some candles, I'm talking about an honest to god shrine, with wood, rock, proper handiwork

>Dedicated to somebody named Ammit

>Who the fuck is Ammit?

>Why aren't they praising God?

>Oh, it's some crocodile thingy

>Why aren't they just dating crocodile girls, then?

>Bloody heathens

>Barge in on their little cermon, brandishing my shield and holy cross

>Alright, scalies, your time is up!

>Yiff in hell!

>Headmaster tells me the Mexican is coming by for a visit

>Fucking hide my shit like a jew during world war 2

>I'm not fucking with that dude

>He leads the fucking Sabbath

>He fucks a fucking Baphomet

>I hear he buries the bodies of his enemies under the mango trees on his property

>I'm not fucking with that dude, no siree

>Mexicans are fucking brutal when they want to be

>>359489

Do you seriously expect a paladin to know the difference? Take it easy, it's for the sake of humor

>>359488

>not fucking with Aux 'Black Metal Lolicon' Papi based on principles alone, even if he is the leader of the Sabbath

/paladin/ is disappointed in you.

>>359496

They're already disappointed in him, he's gone soft.

>>359502

Yeah, well… we're double disappointed then.

>>359488

>Visit store before I get home, buy some diapers, baby powder, and some children's clothes, along with some essentials

>Should fit Orda fine, she's so tiny she could easily pass for a child

>I find her by the bed, sitting on the stepladder

>Two of her kids are crawling around on the bed

>Three are sleeping

>One's getting fed

>Put down the clothes and essentials by the bed

>Here you go, don't mind me, just gonna get a drink

>I don't drink sugar nor alcohol

>Not even alterwine

>Sorry, Jesus, not taking any chances

>Only tea, milk and water on this paladin

>I make damn sure I buy normal cowmilk, and not Holstaur milk

>Not worth it, even if hol-milk is suppoused to improve stamina in men

>Don't belive the adds, man, that's how they get you

>Might be worth it for her, though, I've heard hol-milk is very good for monsters

>Well, if the budget allows for it, I might buy her a glass or two

>Have to set up budget for the wall, can't just leave a big hole in it

>Might invite other unwanted houseguests, and it's a danger to the kids

>Spend all afternoon cleaning up all the tiny fiddly bits

>Screws, nails, bottles of polish and old rags

>If she's gonna live here for any amount of time, I'm gonna need a better system to keep the kids outta danger

>Should establish a play area

>Also a crib or two, big ones

>Could I make one?

>Would save money

>Need to clean the floors properly first

>More budgeteering

>Maybe I can cobble something together out of old PVC pipes

>Got a bunch in the garage for makeshit granades and potato cannons

>My place isn't dirty, I keep it neat and tidy enough to satisfy me, but there are still small things laying around

>Smaller projects and such

>Books and magazines

>And a couple of knives

>Glass bottles

>Jeez, it really is a mess here, huh?

>Houseguests really change the dynamic

>I guess I was just used to the mess

>Chat with Orda as I make dinner

>Mac and cheese, the good shit with spices, bacon and sausages

>Where do you come from, where are your parents, why are you here?

>So she's actually from Orlando, so that's nice

>A little globetrotter, she says

>She's never been outside of the US

>Not much of a globetrotter then, huh?

>Her parents aren't around anymore

>Not her boyfriend either

>Wait, boyfriend?

>Not husband?

>Children outside of wedlock?

>Oh wow, that's harsh

>Apparently he just up and left her

>Really? Left you just like that?

>They were travelling around by car

>His car

>She was eight months pregnant at the time

>He was a medicine student, rich

>Spoke about his true love for her, wanting to build a family

>A real charmer

>He made some people very angry at a bar one night

>The two of them drove off as fast as they could

>Some time later, she gives birth

>He got her to a small hospital

>Once she was checked out, he dropped her off at some no-tell motel

>Said he would buy some stuff for the babies

>Never came back

>She woke up alone, had to foot the bill with what meager savings she had

>Been walking ever since

>And then she found a hole in the wall of a particular building

>My building

>She climbed in and up (I live on the second floor), determined to start anew

>And then I came bursting through the wall, scaring the living daylights out of her

>She doesn't have much in monetary ways, only a few coins

>Says she'll pay me back one day

>Yeah, no, heard that one before

>A lady friend of mine STILL owes me a new bike

>The last one she ruined by getting it hit by lightning

>Fried the entire thing, metal was completely melted

>Couldn't salvage anything, just complete trash

>Orda laughs

>Yeah, it's a pretty funny story actually

>Fill her plate with mac and cheese, along with a healthy helping of salad and tomatoes

>Tomorrow we'll have fish in mild currysauce with pasta on the side

Alright, that's it for tonight. It's fucking late, and I have my game night with the guys tomorrow. Don't know how much I'll get to write tomorrow, but rest assured I will be taking notes throughout the day. I'm really into this story now, and it isn't all that long. I will finish it. To OP, I am so sorry for hijacking your thread with paladin posting, but now that in my mind, it was totally worth it. Needed a creative outlet. Good night, sweet dreams, see you all on sunday (at least)

>>359496

/paladin/ is a dead board. People haven't posted on it in a year or so.

>>359514

Well fuck. I had thought it had some (extremely slow) activity. A toast for the long-dead, then.

>>359505

Guess who's back, back again

>How to start a school yard war in three easy steps

>1: Bring together two groups of crows and danukis

>2: Toss a shiny penny between them

>3: Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ensuing chaos

>Oh, the crowgirl with the red scarf got the penny

<That moment when your manticore gf corners you in a quiet part of school

<She smells faintly of strawberry and lust

<Nips at your neck with her fangs, her paws caressing your arm and side

<Run your fingers through her hair and mane

<So soft, so warm, you just want to fall asleep in it

<Her tail presses against your crotch, slowly pulling down the zipper on your pants

<It's that breathtaking moment when the two of you connect

<It hits just the right spots, the right amount of pressure

<Her cheeks flushed, she presses her lips against yours, and you caress the back of her head, unwilling to let it end

<Your own hand wanders underneath her skirt, under her panties

<She's so wet, so warm

<When you touch her there, she can barely stand, her strong legs shivering, knees bending

<She lets out a long, slow moan, pressing against your fingers

<She wants you

<You want her

<The two of you keep playing with each other

<Almost there

<The pressure builds

<She can feel it too

<That smug glint in her eyes as she stops, holding you on the edge and >THE PALADIN DEUS VULTS THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL AS HIS PALADIN SENSES GUIDES HIM TO HEATHENS

>Have to stand in for the PE teacher

>She's away on perm, because of course she is

>No sense of proffesionalism, but at least she's traditional

>The class is playing soccer

>The holstaurs are not

>Gee, I wonder fucking why

>A kobold slips and falls of the gravel

>Gets scuffed up a little

>Starts crying

>Oh come on, it's not that bad, you only scraped away the skin on half the side of your thigh

>You're not even bleeding that bad

>Heal her anyway

>There, gone in a flash

>Now get back to playing, the score is 3-2 and I got five dollars on the other team

>Don't disappoint me

>Rumors of my healing powers have been greatly exaggerated

>Now everybody comes to me to have their ailments cured

>Fuck off, I'm a paladin, not a health dispenser

>The school nurse is getting increasingly angry at me for stealing her job

>Well, maybe if you weren't a creepy mind flayer more students would come to you

>Cancer girl wants to learn an instrument

>Ok, sure, but why come to me?

>I hate you guys, why not go to the music teacher?

>Sure, she's a phantom, but she's a lot better with music than I am

>No, of course its because I helped her out of her depression

>Nobody ever wants to be vanquished any more

>I wanna slay a dragon

>With my sword

>Ok, how about we start with the classics, a guitar?

>Nah, her oversleeved hands cand hold it why is she wearing such long sleeves?

>Fine, what about the piano?

>Nope, same problem

>Also her claws will only scrape the ivory

>So she can't use her fingers

>That eliminates just about every instrument in the world

>Try out the drums

>Well, she has rythm

>Actually she has a really good sense of rythm

>Fast with her claws too

>Hell, she is her own drumsticks heh

>My god

>I think she found her calling

>Her parents are gonna hate me

>That damn Jinko has been stalking me ever since I defeated her

>Is it some kind of dominance thing?

>I thought that was a salamander/lizardgirl thing

>She won't give up

>My paladin senses are tingling whenever she's looking at me

>Have to employ stealth to get away from her

>It works, every once in a while

>Caught one of the Gremlins making a sexmachine in the robotics labs

>She was desperate to not let her boyfriend hear about it

>Then you shouldn't be making sexmachines at school, young lady

>Also, why the fuck would you need a machine?

>Is that thing suppoused to go up his

>You know what?

>I don't want to know

>I'll keep quiet about this if you're willing to let me call in a favor later

>Of course she agrees to my terms

>I now have a disposable hacker

>Centaurpussy and Squire have been getting close

>He even rides her during training

>Suspicion.file

>Orda developed a nasty case of headache while I was at work

>You should have called me

>I left my number by the wallphone

>Had to ask my troll neighbour and her husband for help

>Older couple, they were happy to help out

>So they watched the kids while Orda slept

>I went down to my garage to cobble together a playpen

>PVC, screws, hinges, glue, foam

>File down all sharp edges, cover the ends with foam

>There, done

>Not too shabby, if I say so myself

>Have to make a crib later

>How big does it need to be?

>>359670

>Her face is all red, and she's sweating profusely

>Something worse than a cold?

>Force some medicine down with water, dry her with a towel, change the sheets

>Took the kids back later

>Neighbours lent me an old, but small matress

>It fit perfectly in the playpen

>Sleepy little things

>Fed them with a bottle before putting them all to bed

>One of them started crying in the night

>Had to take her

>It's Roche

>Yup, the smell tells me all I need to know

>Clean her up in the bathroom

>What are you looking so happy for?

>Does waking me up in the middle of the night make you happy?

>Do you find this funny, you shitter?

>Tickle her soft little belly

>She makes happy little mouse sounds

>You're that kind of girl who's always gonna get in trouble, huh?

>Make me come pick you up like I'm your goddamn uncle, just so you can spend time with me?

>A little troublemaking mouse you are

>Make your mommy all worried, and I'll have to scold you

>Bet you're always gonna ask to hold my shield

>Nah, you look like a sword kind of girl to me

>And then I'll have to pedal home to mommy mouse with you on the baggage board, clinging to my back

>Bet you don't even want to let go

>Play with her stubby little hands, she grabs my calloused finger with both of hers

>Strong grip

>For a baby, that is

>You're the kind of girl who'll get in a lot of fights at school, aren't you?

>Always bandaids all over your dumb little face

>If I have to come get you, I better hear you won

>If not, I'll chase you home

>No girl of mine is gonna lose a fight while I'm still alive!

>She's not my daughter though

>She tries to stuff my finger in her mouth

>It's far too big for her

>Should get her a toy to bite on

>Might develop teeth soon

>And then you'll start to talk

>Hopefully you can go to the loo yourself soon

>Aah, still a few years to early for that

>She stares at me with her big brown eyes

>And makes a big yawn

>Alright, lil' one, time to go back to bed

>She falls asleep in my arms

>Such a warm, vulnerable little thing

>Maybe

>Maybe kids wouldn't be such a bad idea…

>You can't greentext in the middle of a pinktext

This annoys me more than it should

Also, does anybody have that "How posting works on 8ch" picture? The one that shows you how to strike through, italics, bold, etc? It would make some parts easier for me. /tg/ used to have it on one of the stickies, but then the Boardowner changed it.

Man, the pacing is really stuck in high gear, isn't it? I'll try to do better in my next project. I'll post more in a few hours.

>>359672

Lad, that's all in the FAQ. It's exactly one click away from any page on 8ch.

>>359672

>>359674

Or you know, look at the little options button in the corner? It tells you many neat formatting things

>>359672

' is used for italic and bold. Two of them in the front and back of a word is italic, three is bold.

~ is for strike through, two in the front and back

>>359671

>Orda seemed fine in the morning

>She's gotten some color back in her cheeks

>Left her breakfast in the fridge

>I also moved the housephone closer to the bed so it would be more accesible

>Another day at work

>Cloudy with a chance of rain today

>Perfect day to bully the foxgirls

>Borrow scroll of invisibility from the magic class

>Get leafblower from toolshed

>Combine the two

>Wet fluffy tails become frizzy tails

>Except the bunyips, they are fucking immune to frizzing

>Way to ruin my fun

>Pretend to be a wind spirit on the loose until magic runs out

>At least the Sylphs had fun

>Today I have to deal with yet another student seeking my help

>Son, if serving the lord, improving yourself and fighting the corruption of mamono isn't good enough for you, I can't help you

>Of course it's not good enough for him

>Spoilt brat

>He wants advice for how to date a kobold

>Give him bad advice on purpose

>Tell him to get her a leash and collar

>Bitches love leashes and collars

>Gonna enjoy this shitshow

>The crows and danukis are at it again

>Cold war between two factions

>Gonna perform some black-ops and get things rolling

>Tie fishingline to a shiny coin

>Wait for danukis and crows to come

>Leave it at a crossroad in the halls

>What luck, here's a couple of both

>Both groups spot the coin

>It's a mexican standoff, but without guns

>Wait for it, wait for it

>Two of them jump

>But I'm faster

>Coin gone, and the two crash into each other

>Feathers and fur flying everywhere

>Cold war just went nuclear

>All the teachers have to stop fights all over the place, including me

>Been spying on the onis for a while

>Ever since Squire manhandled them, they have become rather docile

>He makes sure they stay that way

>I think they are planning something

>Listening in on the studygroup in the library is the best way to gather intel

>It takes a while

>AHA! They are planning to do their best on the test tomorrow

>Roll out from under the table and leave, disappointed

>Don't even care if they see me

>Get accused of sexual harrasment

>Nah, I was just looking for a reason to smite you a penny I dropped

>I bet a danuki took it

>They didn't believe my lie

>I'm now stuck teaching them about the Fourth crusade until the bells ring

>There's a group of ladies chatting outside my block

>I recognize the landlord's wife, a Basilisk, and my troll neighbour, along with two other mamono

>Mostly old couples living in my block

>It's a nice enough place, I suppouse

>Greetings, heathens

<Good afternoon, Mr. Paladin, says the basilisk

<You never told me you had a family

>Excuse me?

>Lady, I have been a paladin read: virgin for 36 years, I have no plans of getting married anytime soon

>Now explain yourself

>It finally dawns on me

>I had forgotten to tell troll neighbour to keep Orda a secret

>Mrs. Troll probably thought Orda was my wife

>The rumor mill has been churning all day, hasn't it?

>Goddammit, the entire block knows

>My rent is gonna go up, isn't it?

>>359702

>Have to introduce landlord's wife to Orda

>It's a little awkward at first, especially since I have yet to fix the hole in the wall

>They start chatting soon enough

>It's typical woman talk

>I barely understand any of it

>If only all communication could be as easy as "That's bad, go smite it"

>It goes on for a while, I only nod and grunt in response to queries

>Apparently you can buy adult clothes in Orda's size

>This is news to me, but apparently it's a thing

>Orda just didn't say anything, didn't want to imply she was ungrateful for all I had done for her already

>Understandable, I am treating her a lot better than I would most other mamono

>Yeah, the clothes I bought look silly on her, but unless she wanna wear one of my tabards like it was a galladress, that's all she has at the moment

>We're gonna have to go shopping tomorrow

>My bankaccount is trembling in fear

>I stated earlier that most of the residents in my block are older couples

>They get way more visitors than I do read: zero

>Except today

>Today, everyone is visiting me

>Thanks to the rumors, everybody knows about Orda

>They all want to greet Orda and her kids

>Who knew old people loved kids so much?

>My livingroom is full, from top to bottom

>Not even kidding, those that can avoid standing on the floor have taken to the walls and ceiling

>There's too many people here

>I wish I was alone, working out

>My head hurts

>The baby keeps staring at me

>Is there something on my helmet?

>Somebody brought cake and coffee

>I wonder if this was how Joseph felt when Jesus was born

>They keep asking us if there's anything we need

>Also asking when we're getting married

>Orda and I both deny it

>I'm not her boyfriend after all

>But hey, never look a gifthorse in the mouth, so I ask for a couple of things

>Turns out the spider on the fifth floor has her childrens' old cribs in storage

>She also made us some blankets and tiny pajamas made of silk

>I'm amazed at how fast and precise she works

>I'm disgusted at the knowledge of where the silk comes from

>A mysterious older gentleman on the fourth floor gifted us some old toys and teddybears

>Says it belonged to his children when they were small, but would rather we use them than letting it all mould away in his garage

>He's probably the oldest person in the building, judging by his frail body and long beard

>Is he a wizard?

>The beaver lady down the hall has a son who's a carpenter, says she can ask him to fix the wall, family discount

>Response is surprisingly fast

>He'll be here by friday to see the damages, maybe even get started the same day

>How can I decline such great service?

>Certified too, so the landlord is fine with it, which is great

>There's no way I can ever pay all this back

>Even the landlord is here to talk

>Thank you, mister Landlord, that's very nic-

>… Oh hi, Mister Landlord, when did you get here?

>He wants to talk to me

>In private

Hey guys, just had an idea, what if the religion of the paladins instead if being a thinly veiles christianity was a thinly veiled Mithraism

For those that are not autistic enough to know what it is it is basically a rivaling religion with christianity in the roman empire that believed in their god Mithras and in the strength of men, so being Macho McManly was seen as esential since it was also a warrior religion that was really succesful with legionaires

>>359754

You could go full out and have Paladins of various monotheistic/polytheistic/warlike faiths that not only get into fights with mamono but each other. Imagine some monstergirl walking into the middle of a fourway fight between Deus Vult crusaders, Mithrians, zealotic Zoroastrians, and Hassanites, and every single one of them just immediately freeze and turn in unison to stare at her.

cue Benny Hill music as the monstergirl sprints down the street while a tidal wave of angry men in medieval battle gear from around the world chase after her yelling belligerently

>>359796

Batshit insane Islamic like that isn't redudant zealots who were the origin of the word "assassin" and who would smoke a fuckton of hashish before going out to violently murder infidels, political opponents, and people they just didn't like. They operated out of a fortress under the command of a "Grandmaster", like the stereotypical Paladin, and according to legend had all sorts of fucked up habits like one being the Grandmaster teaching his underlings that he had the capability to preserve life after death and tricking them by having a loyal servant buried up to his neck in front of his throne and then pretending he was actually a decapitated head who the hassassins could ask questions of. Afterwards, he had the loyal servant ACTUALLY decapitated and mounted his head on a stake to complete the deception.

>>359796

I believe that >>359794 was referring to was Hassan-i Sabbah, the leader of the Hashâshīn/Assassins which was in a way the equivalent to the the Templar but as their name implies they are most known for take out VIP enemies but unlike the other factions in the Crusades they kill them in daylight and in public. Assassins creed is probably the most famous story based on them and there is also the fate series that has them as servents. Also like the templar they have plenty of bad rumors like what >>359824 post.

>>359754

I think most of the European pagans got killed by the The Catholics and the Orthodox how would they come back? Would new religious fanatics be the followers or Eros, Mars, Possdion, and the fallen god? I can only see the Mars sect be even willing to start a fight.

>>359831

Mithraism was mainly monotheistic and it would have probably been the state religion of the roman empire had Constantine not convertee to christianity.

>>359834

Shit didnt mean to post that

>>359824

So that is were they got the inspiration for Assasins Creed

>>359754

The word paladin literally comes from Charlemagne's i.e. the emperor of the holy roman empire officers of the palace and paladins are thinly-veiled crusaders

>>359866

Also, for clarification, I AM going to finish the story, no way am I leaving this unfinished. I just don't know where to finish it.

>>359866

People like your story so I would suggest that you continue writing it here, but you should still make your own paste bin just in case this site has a DOS or just stop working properly.

>>359866

Keep posting them here please. I like them.

You can always do both in any case.

>>359584

What's this about a VN? I've been out of the loop.

>>359940

>Monster Girl High School VN

Here are the second and third (current) threads. The first thread may have fallen off the board. A lot of the first thread was just discussing and debating basic scenario ideas.

Second thread >>324645

Third (current) thread >>346490

I have no idea if the writers are still quietly working on their routes or if the whole thing is torpid or dead.

>>359942

Just taking a look at the current thread, it looks dead as fuck. No response to even a sound-off post? Shit's dead, yo.

>>359866 (checked)

Porque no los dos, satan?

(Seriously outside of the super-whacky Paladin adventures which occasionally crop up this is the best example of paladinposting we've had in a long time. Please don't stop.)

>>359997

>Outside of super-whacky Paladin adventures

You're gonna have to explain this one to me

>>359745

>Friday is best day, they say

>I don't know about that, I prefer sundays myself

>Going to church, obviously

>Worked only half day, had to meet the carpenter

>Fine fellow, nice and easy-going

>Heathen, obviously

>Then again, I was dangerously close to being one myself, housing a monster and her kids

>After looking at the damages, he just shrugged

>Tearing it all down and building it up would take him the weekend if he started today

>Could call some boys over and be done by sunday evening

>Painting not included

>Made things easy for me

>So we moved the bed and wardrobe, and covered everything else with tarp

>Landlord had an unoccupied room he was willing to lend, since it was just for a short while

>As long as we kept it clean, that is

>Reasonable, simple terms

>I agreed

>I'd be spending the rest of the day with Orda

>We had one of those baby carriges with plenty of seats

>One problem

>Orda was too small to push it

>Which means I have to do it

>So imagine the situation

>Paladin, clad in head to toe with armor

>Sword at his side, shield on the arm

>Helmet

>Multiple crosses

>Pushing a large baby carrige

>I want to fucking die

>The humiliation is killing me

>Staying virgin for 36 years in a world infested with horny female monsters with superhuman strength that will rape (and stick with) the first poor sod they lay their sinful gaze upon was easier than this shit

>I can hear them laughing behind my back

>Shut up, Orda, this isn't funny

>Stop laughing!

>I'm a badass knight of our lord

>Vanquisher of demons

<respect my authorita..

>At least the weather is decent at least

>I live a short ride from the mall

>About 10 minutes on a slow day on bike, I recon

>A lot more with kids in tow

>People usually ignore me, unless they know me

>Ignoring me is fine

>Means I can just sit down on a bench and close my eyes for a minute

>Enjoy the sounds

>Not today

>No, today everybody wants to bother me

>Well, us

>Fucking hell, why are monsters so interested in kids?

>Stopped every five fucking feet because somebody wants to see the little buggers

>Oh, what are you smiling at, Roche?

>You enjoying my misery?

>They fucking worship the little things

>Guess I can see why

>They are the future after all

>At last we finally reach the bloody mall

>Somebody is making a racket near the entrance of the mall

>Antimaggots, judging by their signs and yelling

>Stand against the monster madness, humanity fuck yeah, end the corruption, that sort of thing

>Well, they're not my folk, so I don't bother with them

"Paladin. Sir Paladin!"

>Hmm? Did one of them spot me?

>Some lanky fuck, sickly green hair, sideshave

>Black dirty hoodie

>He's forcing his way towards me

"Do you have a moment to-"

>He stops dead in his tracks once he sees me

>No, once he sees Orda and the kids

"No, never mind."

>He turns and leaves with a disgusted sneer on his dumb face

>I'm pretty sure I heard him whisper 'traitor' under his breath

>Man, those piercings were in all the wrong places

>What's so attractive about stretching your ear out like that?

>Just makes me want to put a padlock in it

>Orda's clutching my tabard

>It's fine, they won't do you any harm

>Not as long as I am here anyway

>She nods in response

>I have never been more wrong

>After some of her modest shopping we stop for a break

>I could go on, but the kids need their meal

>Gauda's asleep though

<I probably shouldn't pry, but… Why the armor?

>I take a bite of my bacon sandwhich, chewing thoughtfully

>It's a belief

>It's all I got really

>Wasn't always like this

<How so?

>I point at the maggots by the entrance

>I used to be like them once

>Loud, obnoxious, angry

>Scared

<Scared? Of what?

>Of being left behind

>Scared of losing the things I knew, that I was used to

>Scared of losing what little sense I had made of the world

>You start off blind and deaf

>Then you play and have fun, without a care in the world

>But then you grow up

>And you start asking questions

>When you learn there's more than just your neighbourhood and school, you start realizing you might not be so big as you wish to be

>You grow frustrated at how things change

>Used to be you did it this way, but now it's that way instead

>What was once in, no longer is in

>You monsters didn't help

>You make it all a lot worse

>>360016

<What in the world are you talking about?

<How do we make it worse?

>She's visibly agitated, but trying to hold back for the sake of her child

>You corrupt, or rather, forcefully change

>Your magic, it doesn't make sense to the world originally

>It changes things

>Hell, it made us paladins a reality, through that change

>You change men to be compatible with you, and women to take your place

>Take a mindflayer, for example

>What does she do?

>She devours minds

>And if she has a lover, she devours him as well

>She changes him, transforms him

>He loses his humanity

>Becomes a monster as well

>Incubises, you call it

>Corrupts, I say

>Two sides of the same coin

>He becomes something less than human

>Now, you're a Large Mouse

>If I remember correctly, you're not very magical yourself, but you have a magical poison in your teeth

>Bite a man or a woman, and nothing happens

>But bite a girl

>And she becomes one of you

>Her wanting it is one thing

>It's when its done by force that I get worried

>It's why I don't like monsters

>Least of all the forceful ones

>But…

>Used to be humans on top would exploit all those below

>Corruption seeping through everything, like water poured on an anthill

>Filling every hole and entrance, every tunnel

>If you're lucky, you find an airpocket

>A moment of peace, somewhere to rest

>Wouldn't last long

>You had to watch it get corrupted from within, filled with water

>Very, VERY rarely would something ever stay any kind of pure

>I'll give the monsters this

>They changed a lot of dynamics

>Icecap melting?

>Chuck a couple ice elementals on it

>Desertation?

>Undines, gnomes, and a Dark Mage to the rescue

>Industrial stagnation?

>Gremlin's got your back

>Not enough people to take care of the old?

>Plenty of kind, caring monsters looking for a job

>Need teachers?

>Have a hakutaku

>They have done a lot of good

>But that doesn't change them for what they are

>Monsters

>So you have people like me

>And them

>They are usually the first step, but are a remnant of a previous method

>It doesn't work so good these days

>Then you have the Paladins

>Going back to an even older method, reinventing, reemploying it

>Barely any of us left now

>Even I'm losing my touch

>Most marry, carrying on in their own way

>Helping

>However, I'm fine where I am

>I don't need to change

>I'm perfectly fine being laughed at

>Like I'm some old geezer shouting at the kids to get off his damn lawn

>It's better than where I was before

>I made a mistake, when I was younger

>Mom was… not faithful

>Parents divorced

>Mom took her unfair share

>Dad lost just about everything, but kept me

>We struggled, but we had quite the moments together

>And then he met a monster

>Oh, she doesn't look so bad, he thought

>Easy to talk to, nice on the eyes, traditional

>But he didn't want to get burned again

>Didn't want to put either me or him through all that again

>But over time…

>He fell in love

>He changed

>Completely

>I couldn't recognise him any more

>I spat in her face

>Left home

>For good

>I joined them

>Anti-mamono

>But they disgusted me

>Sex and debauchery

>They were just as bad as the monsters in my eyes

>Then I found faith

>God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit

>And then, the Paladins found me

>Been with them ever since

>Six years ago I…

>For the lack of a better word, changed

>I felt sick, corrupted

>Like I had sinned something grave

>They insisted it was a gift

>After getting used to it, I felt born anew

>Stronger, faster, tougher

>Like I could take on the world

>I overestimated my abilities

>Now I'm teaching as part of my community service

>I'm amazed they even let me live

>Always wondered why they were so quick to let me redeem myself

>Wouldn't even touch my sword, guess that's why they let me keep it

>I don't hurt people, nor monsters, that don't deserve it

>Doesn't mean I won't play a prank or five on them

>Ah, listen to me, ranting on

>I must sound like the world's biggest asshole to you, don't I?

>Don't worry

>I'm just stuck in the past

>Once we find you a better place, I'll be out of your hair

>And you'll forget about me

>Hopefully everybody will

>How about some ice cream?

>Always been a sorbet man myself

>I'll go buy us something good, so just wait here

>We were right next to the ice cream shop anyway

>I hope they have something with lemon

>>360017

>The night was pretty silent

>The first time they stick it in you, it hurts like a bitch

>Not in the white-hot poker kind of way

>It's ice fucking cold

>Like an icecicle from the Ninth Circle of Hell

>And you just lie there, screaming up at the night sky above

>You want it to end, but it won't end

>The pain is all there ever will be of that night

>I wasn't even aware I was dragging my own guts out of my belly

>I spent most of saturday cleaning my bikes

>One's a good old pedal bike

>Other is a heavy engine

>Custom piece of work from my Paladin days

>I know it in and out

>Could kill a hellhound if I rammed her at full speed with this beast

>Don't see much of a reason to use it, especially back and forth from work

>Maybe one day

>Got three cans of gas I could fill

>Roaring down the interstate

>Through all the little nooks and crannies of the United States of America

>Applepie in Ramone

>Burgers on the 66

>Maybe even swipe into Canada for some pancakes with syrup and bacon

>Sleep under the stars

>Just act like any other dumb tourist

>Burn myself out

>That would be nice, now wouldn't it

>But I want Gulliver to be in tip-top shape before that

>Yeah, named it after Gulliver's Travels

>I fucking love that book

>Read some other good ones too, like Josh Mashu's Six Nights on the Prarie

>That one's gonna be a classic in a few years, mark my words

>Brilliant fucking storytelling that one

>Orda and Mrs. Spider have been playing with the kids out in the little yard the block has

>Good to get them some sun, I belive

>Do mice even need sun?

>Fuck if I know

>I'm not gonna test it to find out

>Now where's the bloody 12 open end wrench?

"Looking for this, laddie?"

>Old Wizard from 4th floor?

>What are you doing down here?

"Just getting some sun, is all. How are you holding up, son?"

>Could be worse

>Could be a lot worse, actually

>So not bad at all

"Is that so?"

>He pauses

"Mind if I sit down?"

>He points at a small stool I have

>I remove the tools and put it down next to him

>Here you go, sir

"My thanks,"

>I go back to my work

"You shouldn't keep all those feelings bottled up, you know. Go get someone you can talk to,"

>Now it's my turn to pause

>Nah, can't do that

>They'd just give me a mind flayer or something worse

>Anything less wouldn't be able to handle me

"Is that so? So you'd rather just leave it all unsaid?"

>Worked for me so far

"And yet you ended up here."

>That, and me bottling myself up has got nothing to do with each other

>I'd prefer rotting away in a cell

"And yet you work with your students. Your little fanclub has been growing. Doing rather well."

>Are you mocking me, old man?

"Oh no, not at all. I'm praising them! Isn't it good to see the young ones banding together for a common cause? Even if it's just to spend some time together and swing sticks at each other? I used to do that all the time when I was a little boy."

>I suppouse so

"I'll let you in on a little secret, my boy,"

>He leans over

"I really am a wizard"

>Is that so?

>He nods, smiling through his little beard

"Became a wizard soon after the portals. I saw the Independence War. Didn't participate in the front lines, of course, I was taking care of the back."

>…What?

>But that means you're over-

>He waggles his finger at me

"Ah-ah-ah. Don't you know it's rude to ask someone their age?"

>That only goes for women

"And very old men. Back in those days, it was much, much worse. So don't just think you can hide behind a facade of metal, young man."

>He taps my helmet with his cane

"One day, you're going to have to come out. Even with those powers of yours."

Over my dead body

>>360061

>He laughs

>An old man's laugh

"Don't sweat the small stuff by being angry. Focus on what you have right now, what's in front of you. You made your choices, now you have to deal with the conequences. Look, would a real, real, and I mean a REAL-real, paladin let mice infest his walls? Much less shelter them?"

>Dammit, he's got me there

>I really am not a real paladin any more

"Not like you were much before either. Never killed anyone. Only hurt."

>How do you know this?

"I'm very good at reading people. And if that blade had ever gone deeper, they wouldn't have let you keep it. So take good care of it. You might need it for yourself one day."

>I'll die by suicide?

"I'm a wizard, young man, not a fortune teller."

>What's the difference?

"One deals in trickery, and the other is just very good at hiding his tricks."

>Another laugh

"Well, it was nice talking to you. I'm going to go back up now. Bloody stairs are a killing on my back, though."

>You're a wizard, just fly up

>…

>Want me to heal you a little?

"You can heal wounds. Not age. Age is not a wound. Don't sweat the small stuff, my boy."

>He shakily gets up, and winks at me

"Make sure to say something nice to the young lady."

>That conversation made almost no sense…

>At least the wall is nearly done

>>360062

This is one of the best stories ii have read here. NIce job anon ! ANd you are right, lemon icecream is the best icecream (along with raspberry and mango one).

>>359421

>Lizardgirls tipping their fedoras constantly

when will this meme die

>>360560

As soon as people remember they're bonnet-tippers instead.

>>360062

>I got a call during lunch one day

>Answered it inbetween mouthfulls of toast

"Hello, name's Peterson, I'm calling from Mamono Corp., housing division. Am I speaking to Mr. Paladin?"

>That's me

"Great! I'm calling regarding the application you sent in for your friend. Your friend's application for housing has been accepted, and we have a house ready for new tenants."

>Is that so?

>How wonderful

"It's a two hour ride by car from their current residence, but they will be able to move in in two days at the soonest, but I recommend she takes a look to make sure it's what she needs."

>That's great

>I'll make sure to let her now

"I've sent some information to the e-mail registered on the application. I assume it's yours?"

>That it is

>Praisethelord@mamono.die

>What? I made it many years ago

>Got some five other accounts with completely different names

"Right, good to know. Any questions you want answered while we're here?"

>Yeah, when do we meet up, and how do you register for a new passport?

>I think my friend might have lost hers

"How does three o'clock in two days sound? That'd be thursday, I believe. I'll set up a meeting with someone who can show you around the place."

>Sounds bloody fantastic

>I'm not that enthusiastic

"As for passports, that's something you get from your local police station."

>Wait, really?

>SHIT, I had actually forgotten that

>Great, I'll make sure she gets a new one as soon as possible

>I guess I was happy for Orda

>Now she and her kids could start properly

>Away from grumpy me

>It would be good for her

>I'd be a bad influence on the kids

>Hopefully she finds herself a good heathen husband

>And I can finally get some peace and quiet

>Won't miss the crying one bit

>Would save my wallet as well

>…

>Ok maybe it will be a little lonely

>I can always just pedal over to her new place every now and again to visit

>Teach the kids some latin

>That would be nice I guess

>At least the wall is fixed

>Got a nice hidden slide door in it as well, so I can hide stuff in the wall

>Had to pay extra under the table, but the carpenters did a fantastic job

>Only Orda and I know about it

>My head is filled with lots of thoughts as I pedal home

>Two years ago I was forced to start teaching as part of my community service

>Why they would ever let me near children in the first place?

>The judge was probably hoping I'd get raped by mamono

>Pffh, he wish

>The problem with thinking so deeply while in motion, is that you become ignorant of your surroundings

>Unfocused, accidents can happen

>Like a van suddenly driving out from the parking lot in front of my block

>I didn't even register it before it had already crushed the frontwheel of my bike

>I crashed into the ground, my metal armor ringing out loudly as it connected with the asphalt

>The van, covered in grafitti and tags, drove off, the horn blaring

>I got up and threw a rock after them, cursing and swearing

>Some of it was in latin

>Fucking damn dirty no-good kids probably just got their license

>Think they're the fucking king of the road now

>My armor took most of the fall

>My left arm is a little numb, but it goes over

>The frontwheel is completely shagged

>Thankfully, the front wheel is the easiest part to replace

>Guess I'm walking to work tomorrow

>Christ, people like that shouldn't be allowed to drive

>Also, what were they doing on the lot

>I can't imagine any of the tenants having grandkids like that

>Hey, why is the front door busted?

>>360569

>Our front door is made of glass

>Said glass is fucking everywhere

>I carefully step over the doorframe, glass crunching underfoot

>Did those fucking kids in the van do this?

>But as I stand there complementing the motive behind the broken glass, I hear a commotion upstairs

>I jog up the first flight of stairs

>The door to my apartment is busted

>Someone broke into my apartment

>The door has been torn off the hinges

>More than that, mrs. Troll is sitting outside, nursing a wound in her head

>Mr. Wizard and her husband is there too, both looking worried

>Mr. Troll is hurt as well, a black eye

>I can hear the kids crying

>I can hear Orda crying

>I rush past my neighbours

>ORDA! What happened?!

>Her head whips around so fast I'm worried her neck is gonna suffer whiplash

>Orda is bleeding

>My apartment is a mess

>Her left arm is at a weird angle

>Couple of broken fingers too

>Her right eye is swollen, red and blue

>Somebody broke into my apartment and hurt Orda

<They, they came for us

<I managed to hide the others, but…

<They took Roche!

>I can feel the blood in my veins turn ice cold

>Orda is hysterical

>Rightly so

<They broke through the door, this big guy… He, he had a hammer!

<A-and as I was going back for Roche, he struck me

<Mrs. Troll and her husband were trying to help, but the men just-

>I interrupt her by placing my hands on her shoulders

>Energy flowing into her from my hands, she whinces as her arm sets itself back, bone and flesh restored

>Her eye turns to normal as well

>Are the other kids alright, I ask

>She nods, staring bewildered at her arm and then at me

>"Call the cops," I tell her

>"Tell them what happened here. Tell them I went after the men."

>"When you mention me by name, expect things to turn hectic,"

>I turn and leave the same way I came

>Time to hunt me some heathens

And tell them I don't give a damn about the law

>>360570

*contemplating the motive behind the broken glass

I wrote the wrong word

>>360570

>The good thing about the future is how new technology and discoveries can innovate old objects, make them new and stronger

>Armor, for example

>I open the garage and start undressing my metal armor

>Not even caring, just tossing the pieces under a table

>Once I'm done, I break open one of the sealed boxes

>Do not open, confiscated by Police Authority, the tape says

>I don't care

>Tape broken, I'm sure there's an alarm going off down at the station

>There's a modern suit of armor inside the box

>Not something you'd find in the military even

>First comes the pants, protecting my legs

>I hoist the straps over my shoulders

>No belt needed

>Then comes the jacket, protects the front, back, arms and neck

>A tac-vest gives additional protection to the front and back, while also giving me some options for carrying

>Boots and gloves next, and lastly, the helmet

>Even the plates are blessed and have holy scriptures engraved on them

>Now we're getting serious

>I drag out two more boxes, one long and thin, and one more square

>The latter is a shield made to withstand most monster attacks

>Even a dragon would find herself at a disadvantage against one of these

>The former is a nanocarbon sword with a monofilament edge, secured in a scabbard

>The runes along the guard are glowing as I wrap my hand around the hilt

>Modern techniques meet old school weaponry

>If the alarms weren't going off before, they sure are now

>I attach the scabbard to my side, slide the shield onto and strap it to my left arm

>I grab one last box

>It contains a short automatic rifle and two fully loaded detachable box magazines

>One goes in the rifle, the other in a pocket

>I used to be a medic

>Couldn't summon my own weapon and armor, had to rely on what the Order would make me

>On the bright side, those of us who needed actual tools were few

>Most paladins could summon that on their own

>I'm fully dressed in less than fifteen minutes

>While I'm filling gas on the bike, I make a phonecall to the gremlin owing me a favor

>She gets moving once I explain her the situation

>I ask her to hack the street cameras and find out where the tagged down car went

>She's working fast, I can hear her fingers flying over a keyboard

>I'm only gonna need one can of gas

>This is a one way trip

>She's got them

>Guide me, little one

May God have mercy on their soul, for Heaven knows I won't

>>360577

>The engine roars like an angry dragon as I speed down the afternoon streets

>The gremlin is desperate to keep ahead of me

>Seven men had been in that van

>She's pretty sure one of them was carrying something bundled

>Must have been Roche

>But they have quite the headstart

>I can only hope God, or frankly any kind of higher entity that is willing to listen, will help me

>According to the gremlin, my adversaries had trouble with rush traffic

>It's something

>It slowed them down somewhat, but they are through

>They are driving out of town

>Towards the industrial area

>Lots of warehouses out there

>Maybe they are hiding in one

>Bad news is I'm expecting heavy resistance, and more than just eight enemies

>I say eight, because there were most likely a driver as well

>Seven attackers, and their getaway driver

>Good news is that there are a lot of cameras there

>However, all the odds are stacked against me

>They have the numbers

>They have the homeground

>All I have is grim determination, and an unending will to live

>And experience, most likely

>This is a suicide mission

>But I will not let anyone harm as much as a hair on that mousegirl's head

>I'm too involved with her and her family to turn my back on them now

>This is not redemption

>This is not me seeking forgiveness

>Nor an act of heroism or kindness

>This is simply a man protecting a younger generation

>Orda has already suffered enough

>I don't want her to suffer the loss of a child

>The van parked inside a shed, according to my gremlin student

>The kidnappers left the van, entering a warehouse

>There are more men inside

>Gremlin is counting at least twelve

>Looks like a ritual, she says

>Weird symbols scribbled on the ground, candles everywhere

>However, the walls are thin

>I can ram through, if I'm lucky

>There's crates, eight supporting pillars

>Windows on the roof

>A small office overlooking the warehouse on the inside

>A camera is connected to the office

>Gremlin has a full view, but some security is on her digital tail

>She gives me some last minute information

>Thirteen people, armed with various makeshift weapons

>One of them is really big, she says

>He has a sledgehammer

>So he's the muscle

>I drive faster than the speedlimit allows

>No police yet

>Best I act fast, before they do something that'll make me angry

>I can see the designated warehouse now

>One of the thirteen has gone outside

>Entrance is partly open

>At full speed I drive right at him

>The bike was built for ramming, and at full speed can kill a hellhound

>Humans were not made to take that much force

>He never stood a chance as I take both him and a large chunk of the large sliding door

>The sound of rending metal is intermixed with the sound of flesh being turned to mush, and a roaring engine

>By luck, I run over another one

>Two down, 11 left

>I slam the brakes as I try to take one more with me, but this one actually manages to jump out of the way

>I slam into one of the pillars, bike denting it with its sheer mass

>The whole structure groans loudly

>As soon as my head stops ringing I draw my rifle and fire

>Thanks to gremlin, I know who has Roche

>I aim at everyone but that person

>The gun rings out like a bell, slinging blessed lead bullets towards fleshy, unarmored targets

>But the short barrel was never meant for anything other than last ditch close quarter combat

>I was only a medic, my job was to save injured paladins, not fight

>The adversaries are also spread out among the many boxes

>I only nail three before they set upon me from multiple sides

>Eight left

>>360588

>I drop my gun and draw my sword, blocking one baseball bat while stabbing another in the chest

>The sword effortlessly punctures the man's chest, and with a twist I cut his lungs

>I have never killed anyone before now

>I feel nothing but rightous indignation over what they have done

>Even if monsterkind will shun me from now on, I do not care

>As long as I can saw that ONE life, it will all be worth it

>I pull back my sword by pushing on my second attacker, slicing an arm off him

>A swift kick to the side of his head leaves him unmoving

>Somebody is chanting

>Roche is crying

>Don't worry, Roche, I'm coming

>Six left

>She's laying in the middle of a… pentagram?

>No, a pentagram has five points

>This one has six

>This is really, really bad

>Two more are trying to flank me to stop me from advancing

>I run my sword through the shoulder of the one in front of me

>He screams, but grabs hold of my armor, desperate to hold me back

CRACK

>A sledgehammer connects with my head, cracking my helmet

>I didn't even notice the big guy advancing himself

>He's unnaturally strong

>Another hit to the head

>I go down

>My vision is failing me

>Before I can react, he brings the sword down at full force into my chest

>I can hear my ribs cracking

>And then, nothing but the crying

>My body twitches with every strike

>He brings down the hammer time and time again, bringing further ruin

>First my ribcage is smashed, driving spears of bone into my lungs

>Then my heart gives out from the shock

>That's my stomach

>Neck

>Oh, Roche, poor little Roche

>It never ends, does it…?

————————————————————–

He didn't stop swinging until he was certain the knight wasn't moving any more. He couldn't afford failure. Not when they were this close. He stopped for a moment to look at his handiwork. He had corrupted himself for the sake of this mission. He was stronger than before, much stronger. But it came at a price. They had to finish the blood ritual.

"Filthy traitor," the large man spat at the knight's bloodfilled, caved-in chestcavity.

"I-is he dead?" asked the mage nerveously. Three of the four other accomplises seemed to relax, while one was retching, spewing bile onto the floor away from the runes drawn on the floor. He was comforted by one of the others. The rest seemed rather ignorant of the dead bodies.

"Yeah, I think so. Broke through his armor. Why did you stop chanting?" The question seemed to infuriate the mage.

"Are you kidding me?! I was almost killed when he started shooting! Argh, couldn't you have picked a more, I don't know, not-paladin-larper-assosiacted target?" Sledge and mage stared daggers at each other for a moment, as if to see who would back down first.

"Just get it over with. The kid is giving me a fucking headache."

"No consideration, no consideration at all!" The mage coughed as he collected himself, raising the dagger and continued to chant. One of the lesser men walked over the corpse of the paladin and towards his motorcycle.

"Wow, sweet ride. I mean, would probably be pretty sweet if it wasn't covered in guts and gore," Stroking his chin, he began to think. "How much you think he and the mouse were fucking?" he asked suddenly, smiling as a perverted thought played for his inner eye.

"No idea, probably a lot," said Sledge, hoisting his hammer onto his shoulder. "Wouldn't mind having a go myself. I'm sure she'd be like fucking a sextoy. My hand could fit around her waist."

There was a sound, and a bright. warm light. The mage screamed, falling backwards. Sledge turned around towards the source. The most sickening sound he had ever heard. Bone and sinew moving on its own accord, bone being set, flesh once torn reuniting. And the steady rythm of a beating heart. Thump-thump, thump-thump. Blood staining the white and gold armor seemed to retreat back into the wounds. The paladin's body was restoring itself. Then there was a moment of silence

The paladin rose to his feet. Sledge couldn't believe his own eyes. Wasn't this guy just a larper? No, he had to be. There was no way he was a real paladin. Just tricks, right? But no, Sledge had crushed his ribs. So why was he standing, breathing? No, there was no way. Was this man an actual, real, true to life, monster purging Paladin?

>It never ends, does it?

And then the Paladin was upon him. Sledge swung his hammer at his unprotected side. Another crunch, and the warm, heavenly light returned. The tables had turned.

>>360598

>I slammed both hands at the big guy's ears

>Fighting through the pain, that was all I could do

>Grabbing his head, I dug my thumbs into his eyes

>Crushing them like grapes

>Before he could do anything else, I tore aside the sides of his skull

>I could never summon a weapon or a suit of armor, but I could heal like no other

>That was my strength

>That was how I could keep up with monsters

>The harsh training helped too

>With the muscle taken care of, I grabbed my sword from the ground and chucked it at the robed guy closest to Roche

>It pierced his belly as he was trying to get up

>I ran over and sliced it open

>Four left

>They were all cowards

>One was trying to protect his retching friend, so I killed them both

>The third actually had the guts to attack me, but he was scared and inexperienced

>The fourth, the last one, tried to run

>I felled him too by throwing my sword at him

>He died at the entrance

>I felt like I was in a fever dream

>Exhausted for once

>But also relieved

>Roche was alright

>I picked her up, cradling her in my arms

>She stared at me with her big brown eyes

>See, Roche?

>I knew you'd be a troublesome little girl

>Oh, you're laughing now, huh?

>Yeah, yeah, Uncle Paladin likes you too

>Oh, look

>Your ride home is here

>I can tell by the red and blue lights

>Let's go out and meet them, shall we?

>They'll get you back home to mommy safely

>Uncle is probably gonna have to go on a little vacation with the police, though

>I don't think they'll let me keep my sword this time

>I forgot one guy had been stabbed in the shoulder

God dammit

>Also miswrote sledge as sword

Double dammit

Well, I can inform we're on the home stretch now. Just one final part left. I'll try to get some posting done on sunday. Hope you guys enjoyed today's update as well. Since I'm doing this anyway, this was my first time seriously writing action. I guess I did decently for an amateur.

There is, however, a problem. I started incorporating elements from a different monster girl related story of mine, one I haven't actually written, as I always wanted to draw it. Unfortunately, I can't draw for shit, and I don't have the patience for learning. Maybe I can try to adapt it to writing instead. Hmm, but so many descriptions. And I do notice I write in a very confusing manner. Either way, I now have to deal with the fact that both this and that other story now takes place in the same universe. Still, I have been enjoying writing this so far. It's been nice knowing I can always come back to this and keep writing ever since I started, even if I totally lost the school aspect really sorry about that, haha.

Anyway, one last part.

Also, somebody suggested I make a pastebin for this. I have now done so, you can find it here htt ps://pastebin.com/u/Paladinposter

>>360609

I love you no homo

>>360607

Eagerly awaiting the final part of the story.

>>360830

Pretty sure that IS the end.

>>360600

>I gave myself up without a fight

>Without much ado, police got Roche back to her family

>And I was taken to prison

>Frankly, that was the only natural solution

>After a shower, they gave me one of those ugly, orange prison suits

>Seriously, you'd think in the year of our Lord 2XXX we would have something better than this

>Oh well

>I have slept under worse conditions

>Orda visited me one day

>She sat opposite of the glass

>We had to speak through phones

>How are you doing?

"I'm doing good. You?"

>Been worse

>They are treating rather well, for a murderer

>How are the kids?

"I think they miss you," She puts on a sad smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring them along"

>It's fine, don't worry about it

>Hey, there's something I didn't get to tell you that day

>Her ears perk up

>I put in an application for you, for a new residence

>They called me that day, said it had gone through

>You should be able to move in now

>She stares at me, a mixture of shock and confusion on her face

"Wait, what does that mean…?"

>It means you can start anew

>They'll get you everything you need

>Here, they sent me some information

>I jut down my laptop's password, along with the mail adress and code

>You can find what you need there

>She doesn't take it

"Why… Why are you doing all this for me?"

>She's clutching the phone with both of her furry hands, lower lip trembling

>You're not like me, I tell her

>You have more of a future than I do

>When I was your age, I wasn't pedaling around in a city somewhere

>I was way out in the wild, hunting down monsters and their… husbands

>Me and a bunch of other Paladins

>Honestly, I have always known how terrible we were

>But I never killed anyone

>Not until now…

>It just wasn't my job

>I've done some bad shit before, and I have been enabling it too much

>You are a better person than me

"That's not true!"

>Oh, really?

>She looks upset

"You have done so much for me. And not just me, I have met so many people over the last few days. A lot of them respect you. Your students, your, uh, squire, the lizardgirls and salamanders. There was a Jinko too who kept coming asking after you."

>……

"They need you."

>Please don't say it

"…I need you."

>That's the straw that broke the camel's back

>Get up

>Grab chair

>Walk one booth over

>Start smashing glass

>I can hear a guard shouting

>Glass is cracking

>Should have used plexiglass

>Once the chair breaks, I start using my fists

>Almost there

>Kicking the glass now

>It finally shatters

>Cut my leg as I pull it back

>From there it's easier

>Once its out of the way, I climb over and out

>Orda looks shocked

>I take a knee and hug her tightly

I can't be your husband

But I can be their godfather

If you'll let me

>She hugs me back

>Have to cut it at some point

>Climb back

>Get tackled by guard

>All in all, a good visit

>>360598

>6 stars

["Erika" stops]

>>360913

He just gets arrested and thrown in prison forever?

No attempt at understanding or investigation by the authorities?

Seems about right

>>360913

>After being placed in high security, I get a visit from my lawyer

>Some demon lady

>Oh, of course it's a fucking demon

>They did this on purpose, didn't they?

>Short hair, black suit with a pencil skirt

>Horns, wings, spaded tail

>As if the blue skin wasn't enough of a give-away

>Yup, that's a demon

>Apparently she had heard of me before

>Her younger sister is a student at my school

>The same demon I had helped over a year ago

>That took me by surprise

>Had I made that much of an impact?

>Apparently I had, because her sister, and apparently many others, were devastated over the news I was in prison

>The police had investigated my case

>Some conspiracy, it seems

>One of the men, the mage, had books on some forbidden magic as she described it

>Blood magic, for one, along with a whole host of other books on dark magic not even a lich would touch

>The muscle was wanted for the murder of an orc

>His former lover

>Jesus Christ, the depths of depravity these people are willing to sink to

>Still, despite my heroic vigilantism, I had still murdered thirteen men while serving a sentence, my little funtime during the school trip a few days ago notwithstanding

>She, the lawyer, was there to help me, she explained

>After all, how can she refuse a plea from her sister?

>How can you not?

>I'm a Paladin

>An actual Paladin of the Order

>I'm actually dangerous

>She insisted I'd let her help me

>Thinking it over, I came to a conclusion

>There's no way I can back out now

>Those kids needed me

>Orda, the girls, my students, Squire, the HEMA

>They all needed me

>More than I needed them

>No, that's wrong

>I did need them

>Fine

>So what do I have to say?

_______

>Over the next few days, I recieved several letters from my students

>I read every single one of them

>Squire wanted to know if there was anything I needed

>The HEMA group felt lost without my leadership

>They really wanted me back

>I can only assume so, considering just about all of them had written a letter each

>The more flourishing letters were from the angels

>The larping centaur had written a rather elegant looking letter

>Fine strokes with an inkpen

>Must be that Japanese heritage I heard the boys yapping on about

>I had to ask the guards for pen and paper, no way I could let these letters go unanswered

____

>My trial was a melting pot of trouble

>On one side, mamono

>On the other side, anti-mamono

>For one side, I was a hero

>For the other, I was an unrepentant traitor

>Despite her calm exterior, I could tell my lawyer was nerveous

>I took it easy, of course

>I have faced worse

>Once, a minotaur impaled me on her horns when I tried to save one of my buddies

>Another time, I shielded a buddy from an angry hellhound so he could take her out

>The look on her fucking face when I got back up

>God, what shitty banners the opposition has made

>I've seen six year olds make better

>So much shouting too

>Why couldn't this just have been a standard affair?

>Why does the news have to blow everything out of proportion?

>Best we could hope for was a good sentence at a comfier prison

>My lawyer was bright, sure, but she is not naïve

>She knows how harsh the law can be

>But where she seeks to utilize loopholes, I cut straight to the point

>So much talking

>The judge finally adresses me

"Mr. Paladin, you stand here today, accused of having taken thirteen lives. How do you plead?"

>Guilty

>It's quiet for about two seconds

>Then the entire courtroom explodes in noises

>Orda gasps loudly

>Ms. Lawyer is wide eyed

>The victim's families are both cheering for themselves and booing at me

>Somebody shouts "no" in the background

>The judge is hammering away

"Silence! Silence while court is in session!"

>It takes a while before the noise levels are at reasonable levels

"Paladin, do you wish to explain yourself?"

>Sure

>I take a deep breath

>>360929

>I was once told, that all is takes for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing

>Now, I am no good man

>In fact, I'm quite the terrible person

>I hate every single one of you gathered here in this room today

>But, I hate the people who would destroy what little beauty we have today even more

>I don't have to love monsters

>But I don't have to ignore them when one, or a human for that matter, asks for help either

>In fact, I feel compelled to help them

>A lot of things has changed since last time, Your Honor

>Now, as for the reason I am back here…

>Did I kill a bunch of humans?

>Yes

>But, I did kill a bunch of humans who had broken into my apartment, beaten my friend and my neighbour, and kidnapped my friend's baby

>Now, I could have done what the law would have me do, call the cops

>I could have left it to the police, like any normal person

>But by the time they would have found the perpetraitors, it might have been too late

>I could have done what any normal, sane, lawabiding citizen would do

>But I chose not to

>Instead I chose to act

>Because if I did, I would have to watch my friend see the only ablebodied man she knows stand back and do nothing, and evil would triumph as a result

>And I will not have that hanging over me for the rest of my life

>I am not above the law, but as much as you see the law as absolute, I see it instead as guidelines

>If the law prevents me from doing good, then I will discard the law without a second thought

>Even if I failed at rescue Roche, at least I tried to do what was right

>I broke the law to do something that was right

>And I would gladly do it again, if it meant I'd be doing something that is right and just

>I also did it because my life is not worth even half of what that baby's life is worth

>She, and her sisters, will grow up in a much better world

>And I'll be there for them, for every important occasion, every rainy day, every birthday

>Even if I have to break out of prison, I will be there for them, time and time again

>I will not be judged by some arbitrary measure

>I will only let myself be judged by merit, and by God

>And you are not God

>I have taken my oaths here today, and I will uphold that as best as I can

>Now, if you want to judge me like a man, then I suggest you come down from your little throne and face me

>In fact, I'll gladly take you on

>You, and any other person who wants to have their shit kicked in

>Well, if I wasn't in deep shit already, now I just dove head first into it

>Hornets and everything

>Once again it becomes a shouting match between the anitma side and security

>I leave the rest up to you, Ms. Lawyer

>She has her head in her hands, groaning

"You were suppoused to say 'no contest'"

>Oh, don't let the detals weigh you down

>I'm actually optimistic for once

>This is gonna go brilliant!

>The trial went on for far longer than it should

>The sun was setting by the time I was handed my sentence

>The judge finally stepped up after many hours of deliberation

>I was about to pass out from boredom

>Ms. Lawyer straightened her skirt before she sat down next to me

>Just get it over with, send me to isolation in some high security prison

>I'll break out, just you wait

"…and after much thought, I have decided that Mr. Paladin, in the light of his bravery and willingness to throw away personal safety for the sake of others, will continue serving his community service at Mamono High School as a teacher-"

>kobold_excusemebutwhatthefuck.png

>Once again the screaming and shouting from the opposition started

>But I ignored it

>Not out of disdain and discipline, but rather surprise

>Extended community service?

>Seriously?

>That's it?

>The judge is stroking his chin, giving me that smile

>Jesus Christ, he actually understands

>I can't even hear the rest of the statement, my head is buzzing like a hive full of bees

>The Judge strikes the gavel and stands, leaving

>More screaming

>Ms. Lawyer is giving me a double thumbs up

>But I'm not looking at her

>I'm looking at Orda

>Aah, she's putting up such a brave front

>That's it, girlie, no more tears now

>Only smiles

>Outside is even more hectic

>The kids I haven't pissed off are cheering

>I can see Squire and larping Centaur hugging and holding hands

>Huh, I knew those two were a thing

>The onis are all looking more normal

>The ice monsters swarm me and shower me in hugs

>I'm not your goddamn AC

>But if it makes you feel better, go ahead

>Even Headmaster is there, beaming

>She says I'm welcome back anytime

>Well, I guess there's only one thing to say

I fucking love my job

>>360934

Nice finish, anon! Mr. Paladin is the man. I hope you decide to write more stories in the future.

>>360934

You should finish and polish up the Paladinposter's Pastebin for future reference.

>>360934

The school festival was over, and everything was now swept and cleaned up.

Decorations were put away, desks and chairs back where they belonged.

A young mousegirl exits the school grounds, a guitar slung across her back, waving goodbye to her friends.

Brown hair cut short, a couple of fresh bandaids covering various scrapes on her soft face.

Today was a good day, and she's a little sad its over.

She made some good memories.

But there is one thing that makes it all better.

She sees him sitting on a bench, facing away from her, watching the ducks in the river.

The golden sun is reflecting off his steel helm, a white tabard lined with red covering the chainmail underneath.

A sword by his side, and a shield strapped to his arm.

The most uncharacteristic aspect of him is the beat-up old bike next to him, fitted with a baggage board and after-market suspenders.

On quick little feet, she sneaks up behind him, before jumping. "Caught you, uncle!" she laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck, and the knight rises to his feet.

"Oh no! There's a tiny rodent on my armor!" He holds onto her arms as he playfully tries to shake her off, her feet dangling in the air.

She squeels with delight, the knights own laughter joining her.

They hug some more before boarding the knight's bike, and he pedals down the road.

They are in no rush, so he takes his time.

She sits on the board, arms around his waist, head resting against the rings underneath the tabard.

"How was the festival?" he asks.

"It was fun. Hectic, but fun. I thought my fingers were going to bleed from playing the guitar so much. Thank you for getting us a drummer."

The knight laughs. "No problem, Roche. That Cancer is an old student of mine."

"She was great," Roche says, closing her eyes.

The wind is playing over her feet as they hand over the ground, the steady rythm of her 'uncle' exerting his strength on well-oiled gears.

He has always been there for her and her family.

The man known as Uncle Paladin.

The sun is setting now, casting a beautiful orange light across the seafront.

They cross a couple of star crossed lovers on the way.

"Today is a special day," says Uncle Paladin as they pull up outside of Roche's house.

Parking and locking his bike, he reaches into a small bag under his tabard and pulls out a small, triangular package, which he hands to the mousegirl.

"Happy birthday, Roche. Your sisters have already gotten theirs, but I offered to pick you up once you were done with your duties."

With a wide smile, Roche tears off the paper and uncovers… A piece of Roquefort cheese?

"There you go," says Uncle Paladin, having already opened the door. "Now go eat yourself."

She could feel the shiteating grin he had under the helmet.

"YOU OLD IDIOT!" Roche yells loudly, chasing the old man up the stairs to her family's apartment, the paladin laughing heartily all the way.

He was a big fan of such jokes, it seems.

After all, Orda had named all of her daughters after cheese, so Uncle Paladin thought it would be fun to gift them their named cheese.

The real gift he had for her was a piece of chainmail he had made himself.

It fit like a charm.

Her sisters had recieved similar gifts, but made to fit their individual personas.

The evening was spent eating cake, singing and laughing.

He had to carry them to bed, as each of the girls had fallen asleep from exhaustion.

But he did not mind.

He tucked them all in their blankets, placing their old teddy bears next to them, and giving each of them a kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you so much for helping out during the festival," said Orda as she handed her friend the last wet plate, which he dried with quick motions.

"Not a problem at all," he answered, placing the plate on the stack of others in the cupboard.

The apartment was quiet now, all the confetti cleaned up from the floor.

Balloons still hung from here and there, but Orda thought it would look nice for a day or two.

After a cup of tea, the knight excused himself.

"You know," he stopped before closing the door behind him. "You never did tell me the reason why you refused to marry."

Orda gave a short, court laugh. "That is a se-cret," she replied, winking and smiling at her old savior.

"They could use a father figure," he responed, his tone serious. "I think they already have the best one they could ever have. Even if he's not their real father, or even called that." Even if Orda couldn't see his face, she knew the Paladin was blushing, probably smiling as well.

"Is that so…?" There was a hopefullness in his voice, and Orda nodded.

There was a short silence.

"Good night, Orda."

"Good night, Mr. Paladin."

The End

>>360943

>>360942

>>360945

Good job. I wasn't expecting anymore entries. Ties things up nicely.

>>360942

I might.

>>360943

Oh, I will, just as soon as I learn how I can make use of strikethrough and bolding and such on pastebin. Need to find an alternative to spoilering. Such a useful feature for stories.

>>360949

I tried to do my best, thank you very much.

anyway, done. finshed. Finito. Paladin Teacher's story end here. It's over midnight, I have to got work in like six hours. I'm done hijacking this thread, so when I wake up, I better see lots of feedback and critisism. I know there are spelling errors and logical slips here and there, but I need to hear it from the readers. I also never got to explore the knights relationship with the more wierd monstergirls, such as tentacle girl in the OP, and many others. I also know nothing about courts and trials and such, just googled some quick stuff. I hope you all enjoyed this totally off-rails story that completely missed the point. I'm still glad I wrote it. It was good to get it out. Too bad I can never show this to my family, eh? Anyway, good night everyone. And if it happens to be your birthday today when you read it, go buy yourself a random piece of cheese and eat it. Also, here's the theme for the very last entry there. I think it fits nicely.

>>360951

>Too bad I can never show this to my family, eh?

All you need to do is clean up the pastebin, do a little proofreading, and polish things up, which really you should do just for posterity in /monster/. Then show whoever you want. The story is honestly pretty tame, but funny, entertaining, and heart felt at times. I don't recall anything you should be particularly ashamed of. The only issue with showing your family is that they won't understand most of the references. Explaining those might be kind of awkward if they're uptight.

>>360951

thanks for this story anon :)

>>360951

the sudden appearance of a mouse girl seemed a bit forced, instead of taking care of a family of out of nowhere, involving a student instead would have been more plausible (runaway student, a teacher haunted by antima, the quire gets kidnaped, maybe even a pregnant mamono and his couple rejected by his family)

still, nice story paladinbro

>>361056

Forced in what sense? It took me by surprise.

I liked the story well enough to wish it were made into an anime. It would make for a good slice of life comedy that turns serious at the end,

>>361056

>>361058

>Forced in what sense?

On second thought, I think I get what you're saying. It would be alright if they had a little bit more reasonable of an entry into the story. But their background was well explained. And it still kind of fits with Mr. Paladin's random spontaneous personality.

>>361060

The background for the mice was well explained, but i didn't feel like it really made sense that the paladin just gave out his bed and money for something that he "hated". One thing is being a nice person that does nice thing to others (or convincing himself to do them to be more precise), and other is to open the house to a stranger. The fist is the behavior of a tsundere and the later is the behavior of a saint, and this two things are not the same

>>360951

I liked it.

The beginning was the part I enjoyed the most, Mr Paladin's pranks were funny, but never harmful, at worst, they were inconveniences.

What some call "the sudden appearance of Orda" didn't feel like an ass-pull to me, sometimes, life just throws the weirdest curve-balls at you.

The second half wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination, but I liked it less, you can feel the shift in tone, and while the lasts scenes were also entertaining, there was nothing I did not expect.

Big honourable mentions go to the "visit" in prison; Paladin's answer to the judge and a detail I liked a lot, was that you hinted very early that Healing was Mr Paladin's specialty, making his "hero moment" foreshadowed, not just popping out of nowhere.

Now, onto the nitpick: Paladin's behaviour is indeed weird, he says he hates MGs, but when all is said and done, it feels more like he's more punishing himself by trying to be unlike-able and despairs when his attempts fail, in fact, he behaves more like an altruist than anything else.

The thing is, this odd opposition between what he says and does is pretty much half of what makes him interesting.

Closing statement: You did good and have my gratitude.

Alright, pastebin has been fully updated, a full 16 chapters, epilouge included. Some details have been changed and added, but it's mostly in the later chapters. Not so much as to totally rewrite the story, but rather to add to it.

Thank you all for the feedback, I'll keep it all in mind for my next project, though I think the next project will end up in the write thread. I am very well aware of the change of tone in the story, which comes from me going completely off the rails.

>>361056

>All these great scenarios

There's a perfect imprint of my face in my desk, I wrote your id next to it.

>>361080

>Nitpick

That's what happens when you don't plan properly and just write without pause or direction. You are very much correct.

Your gratitude warms my heart.

>>360945

I'm probably gonna catch shit from this, but the end would've been better if paladin anon died. Roche becoming a paladin and taking up the bullying mantle would've been cute.

Also bittersweet endings are my fetish.

>>361563

>spoiler

Get out kraut

As the story of palladian bro ends I'm left with a empty hole inside of me…another good story is what I want m8

>>370095

In the end we will get another story

>It's been six years already

>Six years of caring for Orda and her kids

>"I'm home."

"Uncle!"

>"Heyyy, how's my favourite little girls doing?"

<"Aha, am I counted among those 'little girls'?"

>"Nah, this is all age relative. You are my favourite mouse mother, though."

"Too tight, uncle"

<"Uh-huh. In any case, welcome back. How was your day?"

>Six relatively peaceful years

>"Rarh, it's the huggle monster, out to hug naughty little girls!"

"Kyaaa~<3"

>Can't complain, I've been enjoying it

"Uncle, tell us a bedtime story."

>"Huh, again? Didn't I tell you a really good one last time I visited?"

"Another one, another! Pleeeeeease?"

>"Pfffaah… Alright, gimme a minute. Uncle Paladin's gonna tell you guys a great bedtime story."

>But life always has something to throw at you

"It's my boyfriend, Jessie, I mean Justin,"

"He's been avoiding me."

>"Justin Cavenditch? The delinquient?"

"He's not a delinquient!"

>"The green mohawk says otherwise."

"Sensei will always be Sensei."

>"I'm not your teacher anymore, and we're not in Japan, so stop calling me that."

"No need to be so embarrassed about it, 'Sensei'."

>"SHUT YOUR TRAP AND GO PUT A CHILD IN YOUR WIFE, SQUIRE!"

>"Honestly, monsters aren't so bad once you get to know them. They've mellowed out since they arrived."

<"Family is quite important."

"Monsters are nothing but another blight on the planet."

"I can deal with this myself."

>"You should always come to me if you need help."

"You'd do well in listening to your brother, you know."

>"It's what I'm here for."

O ye of little faith

Flesh of Christ

>"Skin you bastard, come out here so I can kick your teeth in!"

"Orda"

<"Richard…?"

DEUS VULT

>"There's a lot of wrong with the world, but it won't get any better if you don't let me do my job. And my job is to help people and monsters in need, like you. As long as they ask."

"Look, I had to leave! Those guys at the bar, they were Paladins."

<"Six years, Richard, SIX! YEARS! You abandoned me."

<"I will not allow you to worm your way into the lives my precious daughters!"

"Without people or ideals to look up to, people will falter. I genuinely want to help people. I aim to be someone citizens can look up to, the same way I looked up, and still do, to you."

>"And knowing you, you'll be the hero they need."

>"Yeah, I'm the meanest teacher in the world, and you guys love me for it."

Paladin Teacher 2, starting this October in a thread near you.

>>370699

ara ara~

>>370699

Um, it seems to me like after >"The green mohawk says otherwise." the sentances stop being related to eachother

Am I retarded?

>>370812

I assumed the whole thing was a bunch of teaser lines from the next installment. Think of it like a movie trailer that just shows a bunch of random scenes and quotes from the movie and it will make more sense–that is if I interpreted it correctly.

Heres a idea for a greentext

>oblivious anon

>manages to avoid rape through hilarious situations in school

>mostly through being oblivious

>>370699

hell yes

>>371582

Well shit nevermind then

>>371583

I didn't tell you to make you stop, Anon.

>>371585

I mean I said I had a idea but it really isnt a idea of someone else did it

>>371586

Everything old is new again.

Put your own spin on it, breathe new life into it. Create.

>>371587

Alright

>be me

>high school anon

>and as a anon in a highschool I tried to do my duties of going to school

>oh hey theres the bus,wait its moving away from the stop

>time to nove it

>"oh shit oh shit oh shit….wait up!"

>suddenly the bus would stop and its stop sign would come out

>and since I was running and trying to stop the bus I ran straight into the stop sign and fell onto my back

>"ow….ow….fuck that hurts"

>I can hear the entire bus laughing at me now…

<"hey kid are you alright?"

>"yeah…I'm alright"

>i would slowly rise up before I entered the bus

>all the seats are taken damn

>oh hey a centaurs on the bus

>maybe she would let me ride her

>"Oh hey can Is it alright if I ride you?"

>wait her face is getting red all of a sudden,she might be sick

<"WH-WHAT DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO US"

>"no not really, anyways nevermind your face is getting pretty red you might be sick"

<"wait I'll let you ride me!"

>suddenly this oni would chime in

<"I'll let you sit on my lap"

>"see you dont have to anymore, also you should probably go to the nurse you look pretty sick"

>a look of disbelief would fall upon then centaur as I sat down onto the onis lap

>then the bus started moving

>"thanks for letting me sit on your lap"

<"no problem but you owe me"

>"what does that mean?"

<"just take off your pants"

>"why would i"

<"because you owe me"

>"whys that?"

<"JUST TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS"

>"but it's pretty cold right now"

>suddenly the bus would stop before I hopped off her lap

>the onis completly silent for some odd reason

>"Time's up!" I shout, several students jumping in shock.

>"Write your names in the top right corner of each page and then put your pens away,"

>Some make last minute scribbles, others sigh dejected.

>Tests can be useful if done right.

>It shows what a student has learned, and that is dependant upon my ability to teach.

>I have a feeling most made it this time.

>I salute some of the students, congratulate them on making it through, wish them a good weekend.

>With one small exception

>"Cavenditch, a moment," I say as I grab the boy's shoulder.

>Justin Cavenditch, number 09 in a class of 16, 16 years old.

>Delinquent, possible affiliations to Anti-Mamono.

>He flinches at my touch. Violently so.

"What?!" The green mohawk atop his head twitch, and he glares at me with wicked eyes. His jacket open, I spot some band t-shirt. Honestly, he only stands out because of that damn mohawk of his. Get a proper haircut, boy!

>Other than that, he’s pretty average in both height and stature. No piercings either.

>"We need to talk about your absences-"

"No we fucking don't. I came for your stupid test, so leave me alone," he growls, his knuckles turning white as he grabs onto the straps of his bag. He sure has some long canines.

>"At the rate you're going, I'm gonna have to call your parents soon. You haven’t been doing very well at school lately, and your absences only exacerbates the problem,” I respond sternly while crossing my arms, a dull rattle from my hauberk.

>”Look, if you have troubles of any kind, you can talk to me. I’m not just here to teach you, I’m also here to help you. Doesn’t matter what, be it heart aches, family quarrels-”

"Oh, fuck right off, my parents have nothing to do with this," Such anger in one so young.

>"So I'll see you on monday?" I ask with an optimistic tone.

"Don't count on it."

>"Alright, I'll be there to wake you up and drag you to school then."

>That only nets me a flipped bird.

>"How rude,” I don’t stop him from leaving. He got his warning.

>I just hope he heeds it.

"Leave me alone, or stuff it up your arse," With that, he leaves.

>Goddamnit, I don't even know where to start with this boy. I have had him for two years, and I still can’t properly get a pin on his personality.

>And who the fuck are the Sex Pistols?

>Sounds like a bunch of sellouts.

>My office is shared by three other teachers, but for the moment I am alone.

>I put down the stack of papers on the mat covering the desktop and hang up my sword and shield.

>Best I get it all done with as soon as possible.

>But before I begin, I take a moment to gaze at a framed photography on my desk.

>It's me, Orda, and her six daughters.

>Me in my great helm, white and red tabard over a sturdy hauberk, gloves and boots fortified with plates. I'm the only one who had to squat for the picture.

>I did remove the sword and shield, and doing a silly peace sign at the camera.

>Orda looks like a very short mhousemother. That bright, proud smile of hers. A beige poncho-like sweater, and a long skirt. Well, long for her.

>Gauda, with her black corkscrews, hugging a stuffed toy, a brown bear with a silly face and two long legs attached to the head. She looks like a porcelain doll with all those frills.

>Roche and her big smile that never goes away. Her short brown hair can never stay down, it's always all over the place. Just like her.

>Jarla and her black hair buns. Never far away from her twin. She's wearing a red choker.

>Etivaz, Jarla's mirror image. There are few differences between them, minor details. She wears a blue choker. Hopefully they will develop some differences when they grow up.

>Mozarella, her straight white hair framing red eyes and a sweet smile. Honestly, she's very pale and white, I often worry she doesn't get enough sun.

>Telemea, brown haired mouse who's clinging to my tabard. She loves to help out her mother with dinner. I think she’ll be a great cook when she grows up. I love gently pinching her chubby cheeks.

>That was their first day of school.

>Despite initial fears, they had a lot of fun.

>To think I had been caring for them for almost six years by that point.

>They always have something to say whenever I visit.

>Christ. Six years. Imagine that.

>I can scarcly believe it.

>Six years ago I was still an asshole, albeit a benevolent one, just going about my day, only spending as much time as I needed with monsters.

>Playing pranks on them.

>Testing the rules.

>Saved by the goddamn bell and goodwill of my students and some angels, but who cares about them?

>Now I get worried if a student doesn’t show up. What a strange feeling.

>Big softie me with my hard outer shell.

>Good thing The Order can’t see me…

>Been weird watching them grow, but I really care about them and Orda.

>I almost live at their place at this point.

>I have a change of clothes there, a spare key, even my own toothbrush.

>A lot has changed in six years.

>>373306

>Squire has moved up in the world.

>Married that centaur.

>I was his best man at the wedding.

>He's attending the police academy now in order to become an officer.

>I'm sure he can make it.

>The HEMA group is still going strong, the core group is traveling around the country to attend events and conventions.

>I am so proud of them.

>Well, enough reminiscence, time to work.

>But as I open the first paper, there's a knock on the office door.

>I call whoever it is in with a rough bark, and a kobold peeks in, her ears flat against her head.

"Um… Mr. Paladin?"

>"That's me. Get in and close the door, you're letting in a draft," I say as I wave her in.

>"Now what is it you want?"

>The kobold looks nervous, wringing her hands, keeping her eyes down on the floor, tail between her legs.

>Classic signs of worry in dogs.

>She's one of my colleague's students, Steve Jefferson, she's been here before talking to him.

>I think her name was Laika or something like that.

"Mr. Jefferson said… He said that, um… That you," she fumbles through her sentence, but I'm patient.

>Not the first time I have dealt with nervous students.

>Her uniform is neatly kept, her hair shoulder length. A single green streak in her otherwise light brown hair.

>Bright, attentive eyes, button nose.

>Her fur is just as well kept as her uniform, almost shining in the light.

>A few deep breaths later and she finally speaks.

"Mr. Jefferson said I should speak to you if he was not available, and I know he has already gone home. So…"

>Another awkward pause.

"Can we talk?"

>"Shouldn't be a problem. What is it that's on your mind, my child?"

"It's… My boyfriend."

>Oh jesus fucking christ, it's another one.

>Do these girls only think about their boyfriend? Do they only think with their vaginas?

>The answer is yes

>"Alright, what about him?"

"Well, it's, um, so. So me and my boyfriend, Jessie, I mean Justin, I call him Jessie as as a pet name, he really likes it and he calls me his 'little ball of happiness' and we-"

>"Focus."

"Right! Right. I have been dating Jessie for about a year and a half now, I think? We're starting our third year next summer. And lately he has been… Weird. Like for the past month or so."

>Go on.

"He lives alone, and often sleeps over at my place, and my parents like him and all that, so no problem there, it's just…"

>She bites her lower lip.

"He's been avoiding me lately. Doesn't pick up calls, doesn't answer texts. He comes to school, but refuses to talk about it. Sometimes he even ignores me. So the other day, after he had P.E., we go to different classes, you see, I snuck into the boys' lockerroom, because I know he's always the last one out. So he was showering and-"

>I'd suggest she didn't give me any details, but her expression twists into visible discomfort. There's more to this.

"He had cigarette burns all over his arm," she exclaims, shuddering for a moment.

"He doesn't smoke, I know that, so I have no idea how he got them. And some looked fairly recent. I'm worried he's run into a bad crowd, but I don't know anyone in town who would want to hurt him like that. But the worst thing is, when I confronted him about it, he didn't come to school for two days!"

>Cigarette burns? Shit, that's bad.

>"You mentioned he lives alone. Isn't he a little young for that?" Her ears shift and she nods in confirmation.

"I've tried asking him about it before, but all he says is that he doesn't want to see them. His family, I mean."

>>373307

>This might be a little beyond me. I've dealt with lovers' quarrels before, but this is on a different level.

>"Have you considered asking the police to check up on him?" I ask her.

>She's about to shake her head, but stops halfway through the first shake.

"Well, I considered it. And threatened him with it, sort of. But he got angry and said he'd hate me forever if I called them. If I told anyone, in fact. But I, I can't stand seeing him like that. I love him, so… So I come to you instead."

>"Right. Justin, Justin who?"

"Hmm? Jessie is in your class."

>"Justin Cavenditch? The delinquent?"

"He's not a delinquent!"

>"The green mohawk says otherwise. I thought he was anit-ma,” He’d sure as fuck fit right in.

“He’s not! It’s just his style. Just like you, dressing up as a crusader, isn’t that a little inappropriate for school?”

>”It protects my virginity.”

>smug_crusader.png

“Would explain how you’re a forty year old virgin.”

>…

>bitch.jpeg

>I lean back in my chair, contemplating the situation at hand.

>This isn't something I can just ignore.

>She came to me because Steve recommended me, and I trust Steve's judgement.

>The man is rarely wrong.

>But Justin is also my student, so this goes double.

>"Don't worry, I'll look into it," I say. "Justin is my student, and if he's in trouble, it's my job to steer him back to the straight and narrow."

>Laika's ears perk up and a hopeful smile appears on her face.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Paladin! I'm so glad I can count on you!"

>Oh gosh, stop it. You're embarrassing me.

>"Don't mention it. It's a teacher's job to put their student's concern to rest."

>The kobold sighed with relief, and thanks me as she leaves.

>After two hours of correcting tests, I place the corrected ones in a drawer and lock it, and the uncorrected ones I place in a folder and take it with me.

>I say good afternoon to other teachers and the janitor, heading of to the bikeshed.

>Somebody forgot their bike again.

>Mine's a scratched up blue one.

>It suffered most that time I was almost run over by a van.

>After unlocking my bike, I pull out a rainponcho from the bag on the side of the bike.

>Today is cloudy with a chance of rain.

AND THUS IT BEGINS

A brand new story

About the Paladin Teacher

>>373308

Please continue.

>>373310

Tomorrow. Bed time now. I'm sure you'll love the new content.

>>370699

I'm half expecting a gang war between paladins , anti-ma, and whatever monsters gangs there are with Paladin Teacher caught in the middle

>>373308

>Orda lives in a really nice neighbourhood, lots of other families here.

>Not so many out and playing right now, except a family of watersprites, jumping from puddle to puddle.

>I park and lock my back, stuffing the tests into my backpack.

>The door opens as soon as I turn the key, but as I enter the hallway, I hear someone calling from a sideroom.

“Hello? Is anybody out there? I could use a little help!”

>It’s coming from the boiler room.

>”Hello?”

“Yes! Hi! Can you help me? There should be a red toolbox near the door, can you grab it for me?”

>Wouldn’t you know it, there is one right here. I pick it up and make my way inside.

>Around the corner I spot the janitor. A man almost twenty years my junior, desperately holding onto a large pipe.

“Thank god, there you are! Grab the clamps from toolbox and put them on the end there, where the bolts are supposed to be. Owowow, my leg!” He nods in the direction.

>I do as he says, attaching a pair of strong clamps to the connecting part.

>Once I’m done, he slowly lets go of the pipe, and when it doesn’t move, breathes a sigh of relief.

“Man, you’re a saint, Mister Crusader. I thought I was a goner, like Atlas holding up the world. I see you around here all the time, but I think this is the first time you and I have actually met. Name’s Curt Rukkert. Nice to meet you,” I shake his hand.

>”Nice to meet you too, Mr. Rukkert. Is your leg fine?” He shrugs and pulls up his left pant leg. A cybernetic foot is connected to his ankle.

“Feels like it never quite healed. They can’t find the problem. Hurts when I twist it. But it’s fine, I’ve been limping for almost ten years, I can limp for almost ten more,” He squats down, rummaging through his toolbox for screws

>”How did you lose it?” I ask absentmindedly, curiously peering down at his foot. He smiles broadly.

>Oh no, I know this type of smile. He takes a deep breath, and-

“So I’m on this class trip back in high school, on a bus. I was a real badass, didn’t take shit from anyone. The only person I ever respected was my class representative, a monster named Mayu. She was a kejourou, you know, the ones with long hair all over the place? Anyway, I’m sleeping soundly in my seat, when the bus crashes. Almost falls over a cliff too, real Final Destination shit. Hardass that I am, I leap into action, smashing windows and wrenching doors open so my fellow classmates can escape. Everybody gets out, except Mayu. Her hair has been trapped in debris, and she can’t get loose. And she’s right by the engine too, the radiator fan exposed and running like a saw blade in some sick german slasher flick.”

>Uh-huh. That’s only the second most unbelievable story I have heard in my life so far.

>>373365

I forgot to fix the fucking flag!

“I jump back into the bus, leap over to Mayu, and do the most unholy thing I could do: I slide in front of her and push her up and away from the fan, and cut her hair. The bus is almost falling over, we don’t have much time. I can barely feel the radiator fan nipping at my leg. So we get out, just as the bus falls over the cliff. It was only then, when we were standing, her shaking like a leaf in the wind while clinging to my side, that I notice my foot is gone. Rescuers fished the remains out of the wreck, so I had to get a replacement.”

>”Boy do I not believe you.”

“Hey, I swear it’s true!” He sounds like a child caught lying.

>"How did you cut her hair? You never mentioned a knife or scissors," I point an accusing finger at him.

"Martial arts. I'm a master of the Cutting Fist. Fifth dan karate,"

>"Dan is for sumo and tae kwan-do."

“I thought you lost your foot fighting against ten gangsters. And dan is a type of rank in judo, not tae kwan-do or sumo." We both turn towards the woman leaning against the corner. I didn’t even hear her. I guess I have lost my touch.

>Her straight, long blonde hair cascades all over her from her head, and yet it doesn’t get in the way for her movements. A Kejourou. She has a soft smile on her lips, one hand tucked in the pocket of her jeans. They cling to her legs like a second skin. She holds a rolled-up newspaper in the other hand.

“I was wondering what took you so long, Curt. Need any help?” He shakes his head in response. “Nah, I’ll be done in a minute now. And it was fifteen gangsters. Oh, right,” He turned to me and gestured with his hand. “Crusader, my wife. Mayu, this is a crusader who helped me out in my time of need. He’s the one who keeps visiting the mouse up on third floor.”

>”Paladin. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Rukkert,” I shake her hand, and she smiles back.

“Nice to meet you too. And thanks for entertaining my husband. He has quite an imagination.”

“Oy, waddaya mean ‘quite an imagination’? Are you accusing me of being a liar?”

“Yes, in fact I do.”

“I didn’t lie when I proposed to you, nor at the altar.”

“And those are the only truths you have ever said, you pathological liar. You're a master of karate now? Last week it was swords."

"I'm a master love maker too."

"Prove it."

>”I’m just gonna go and leave you two alone.”

>Even halfway up to Orda’s, I could hear Mrs. Rukkert’s sexually excited voice. Freaking exhibitionists.

>>373366

Dan is TKD as well. Got a certificate for my 2nd dan. Goddamn useless martial art that.

>>373366

>"I'm home," I call out as I enter, and I can hear six little voices squealing in delight.

"Uncle!"

>I guess Orda's preparing a chicken today. There's a delicious scent in the air.

>Placing my boots next to the shoe rack (their shoes are so tiny compared to mine), I greet the kids in the living room.

>"Hey, how's my favourite little girls doing?" I take a knee so they can give me a group hug.

>Gauda presses her stuffed toy against my helmet while Roche climbs onto my shoulders.

>The other girls seem content to hug my belly, leg and arms.

>"There you all are. It's good to see you," I hug them tightly.

<"Aha, am I counted among those 'little girls'?" Orda asks with a bright laugh. She's wearing a light pink apron over a black knitted sweater and blue denim jeans. A pair of pink slippers adorn her feet.

>"Nah, this is all age relative. You're my favourite mouse mother, though," I tease her. She's 29 now, but I'd have a hard time guessing it if I didn't know her personally.

"Too tight, Uncle," Jarla says, her face squeezed up against the tiny metal rings protecting my chest.

>I have to let her go at this point, caressing her cheek that now has an imprint of the rings. Roche is too busy doing an impression of the "Do you trust me"-scene from Titanic.

>Orda puff her cheek slightly at my remark, as if I implied she was too old.

<"Uhu," Relaxing, she peers into the oven.

>Smells like chicken.

<"In any case, welcome home. How was your day?" She sits down next to me and wraps her arms around Gauda, pulling her daughter into her lap.

>Gauda cuddles with her toy, the silly faced bear that's only a head and two long legs. It’s quite worn, but well loved and taken care of.

>A very disarming appearance, to be honest.

>Orda makes most of the stuffed toys herself, which Gauda hordes for her own little nest in the bedroom.

>Roche starts slapping my helm like it's a drum, a hollow sound ringing out.

>Really hurts my ears, so I grab her and lift her up and over my head, setting her down in front of me.

>"Stop that," I bark at her with a slight accent, and she and the other girls giggle.

"Uncle's head is so empty," she laughs.

>"Empty?? I'll have you know my head is full of important matters," I state and ruffle her hair.

>"But it's not a drum, so don't do that again, alright?" I'm not really getting through to her. Alright then, guess who's not getting her cheese.

>Kids, I swear. Lovable, stressful things.

>Dinner is the usual affair, with the kids talking above each other.

>What they did at school, what they dreamt the night before, wondering if I can play with them in the weekend.

>Who knew kids could be so loud, huh?

>I wouldn't trade it for the world.

>>373571

>The chicken is to die for. A whole chicken, oiled and covered with spices, baked in a terracotta bowl, and served with white rice and raw vegetables on the side.

>The meat is juicy while the outer skin is crispy.

>Orda has done a wonderful job. Sometimes I wonder if all she does is consuming cookbooks.

>After the dishes are cleaned, I play with the girls.

>Some teaparty, some board games, a lot of running around and catching.

>”Raarh, it’s the huggle monster, out to hug naughty little girls!” With my arms raised over my head and a blanket over me, I stomp around the living room, chasing the mice around.

“Kyaaah!<3” They laugh and run, hiding under the couch and tables, or jumping at me from behind.

>Roche wants to fight, so I keep teaching her how to hold and swing a sword properly. Today I get a full taste of her toy sword as she batters my shoulders with it, so it has paid off.

>Ow. I should stop spoiling her.

>Even Orda gets dragged into our game and works up a bit of a sweat, laughing all the while.

>After brushing their little teeth, we put the girls to bed.

>The little ones sleep in the same big room.

>Rope ladders and tunnels crisscross all over the place, each girl having her own “nest”. Gaude peeks out at me from a mountain of stuffed toys, while Jarla and Etivaz sleep next to each other.

>Roche just flops onto her bed and rolls around for a while, while Telemea gets wrapped up tightly in her blanket by Orda. Seems she likes tight spaces.

>If I didn’t know better, I would have assumed I had walked into a playland or something.

>It’s not that uncommon of a room.

>Water based monsters live essentially in aquariums, for example, though most do so by the coastline.

>I once saw the room of an elf.

>Consisted of two floors, with a large tree that acted like a spiral staircase. The leaves on the tree would change color depending on the season.

>The upper floor also had large windows in the roof.

>You could sunbathe during the summer.

>If I had a better sense of aesthetics, I might have wanted such a room for myself.

>Magic makes it so cheap and easy.

>Also helps that we are less than 2 billion people on the planet.

"Uncle, tell us a bedtime story," Mozarella pleads as I tuck the covers around her.

>"Huh, again? Didn't I tell you a really good one last time I visited?"

"Another one, another! Pleeeease?" The girls chant in their high-pitched voices. Orda chants too.

>"Pfffaah… Alright, gimme a minute. Uncle Paladin's gonna tell you guys a great bedtime story. Orda, could you get the flashlight?"

>I turned off the lighta and Orda shined the flashlight on me, casting a great shadow on the bedroom wall.

>The stage is set. "Ahem,"

Once upon a time long, long ago, in a kingdom far, far to the north, there lived an old man with his wife and three sons.

<”More north than Canada?” asks Mozarella.

>”Much farther north. And a little west. Anyway,”

The old man lived next a vast forest filled with tall trees. But he was old, and they had little food, so it was up to his sons to go into the forest to chop wood they could sell for gold.

First, the eldest son went out. His name was Peter. Peter was strong, and had no trouble swinging his father's axe. He made his way deep into the heart of the forest, where the tallest, thickest trees were.

But no sooner had he swung the axe once, when he heard a loud, thundering voice calling out

"WHO IS CHOPPING IN MY WOODS?"

>The girls jump at my shouting. I stand up in front of them, making myself look big and scary.

It was a troll that lived in the mountains. Taller than the trees, stronger than an army, and older than any tree in the entire kingdom.

<”Stronger than you, Uncle?”

>”Much stronger than me.”

Peter, white as a ghost, ran as fast as he could home. No way he could defeat the troll.

>>373574

So then it came to the second son, Paul. Now, Paul wasn't as strong as Peter, but he was much faster than him. Laughing at his older brother's tale, he picked up the axe, and headed out into the forest.

He too headed for the heart of the forest.

There, he too found a thick tree. But no sooner had he swung the axe a second time, when he too heard the thundering voice.

"WHO IS CHOPPING TREES IN MY WOODS?"

And like his brother, he ran for his life, axe in tow.

Thus it was up to the youngest son, Espen, to go out into the forest to chop wood. But Espen was neither strong nor particularly fast, he preferred spending his days poking in the ash in the fireplace. Thus he had been given the name Ashlad. He too headed out into the forest, axe and a single slice of bread with him in his rucksack. His brothers mocked him, but Ashlad didn't care much for it. He wasn't scared of trolls.

He as well headed to the heart of the forest, and surrounded by tall pine trees, he began to chop at the first and best tree he could find. But no sooner had he swung the axe three times, the troll appeared.

"WHO IS CHOPPING WOOD IN MY FOREST?" the troll called out. "It's just me," Ashlad hollered back. "We need wood we can sell, and with the gold we can buy food for the winter."

The troll growled. "NO MAN SHALL CHOP WOOD IN MY FOREST. I'LL EAT YOU ALIVE!" Ashlad responded by waving his father's axe at the troll. "And who's going to stop me? You, an old mosstone? Well, come on then, let's see what you can do! And once I'm done with you, I'll chop down the entire forest!"

The troll couldn't believe his own moss filled ears. Never before had anybody so boldly challenged him. Surely this small man must be of great strength and bravery if he could challenge someone as old and strong as him.

"I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT. TELL YOU WHAT, LITTLE MAN, I HAVE A CHEST FULL OF GOLD AND PRECIOUS STONES IN MY CAVE. WHY DON'T WE BET FOR IT?"

"A bet, you say? What kind of bet?" Ashlad enquired.

"LET US HAVE A CONTEST TO SEE WHO CAN EAT THE FASTEST," the troll explained. Ashlad thought about it for a minute, and nodded confidently. "Very well. But let me ride on your shoulder, so I don't leave you behind."

With that, the troll lifted Ashlad up on his broad, massive shoulder, and walked home. Ashlad was amazed at the view above the pinetrees. He could see all the way to the mountains in every direction. And soon, he spotted a massive oaken door in the mountain. The troll opened up the door and walked into his cave. The cave was well lit, with a massive stove, and a well to draw water. Nestled in a corner, Ashlad saw it. The chest, bigger than his house, filled to the brim with gold and jewels.

Over the lit stove hung a large cauldron, gruel bubbling within. "HMM. COULD YOU DRAW US SOME WATER, WHILE I WATCH THE GRUEL?" the troll asked, pointing at a pair of large wodden buckets sitting by the well. Now, there was no way Ashlad could lift those buckets meant for trolls, so instead, he said, "What, those tiny thimbles over there? Nah, I'd better just pull up the entire well."

"WHAT, NOO! YOU CAN'T PULL UP MY WELL, I NEED IT. YOU WATCH THE GRUEL, WHILE I DRAW WATER."

When the gruel was done, the two sat down by the table. "I HAVE MY SPOON, AND YOU HAVE YOURS," The troll laughed, pointing at Ashlad. "I DO BELIEVE VICTORY IS MINE." Ashlad snorted. "Don't say that, you old rock. I am quite the adept eater." On the count of three, they began to eat. Now, the troll was old, and had bad eyes, so he never noticed Ashlad smuggling gruel into his backpack, which he had placed upon his stomach.

>>373575

Once the backpack was full, Ashlad pulled out his pocketknife. “Ouf, I am so full,” he exclaimed, and cut a line in the backpack so the gruel poured out. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” the troll wondered. “I cut a hole in my stomach, so now I can eat without worry.” The troll began to worry that the little man might actually outeat him. Scratching his chin, he reached for his knife with a calloused hand. “WELL, IF YOU CAN DO IT, I SHOULD DO IT AS WELL.”

And the troll stabbed himself in the gut.

>I make a dramatic movement of stabbing myself in the belly, and carving it open. The audience gasps loudly

With the troll dead, Ashlad fixed his bag and filled both it and his pockets with as much gold as he could carry, and walked home. And there he lived happily ever after.

The End.

>”And now the little mice will go to sleep, yes?” Maybe next time, I’ll tell the one about the widowed fox. I’ll probably change the details around a little.

___

<"Nice story. A little… Unorthodox, I'd say,” Orda said as she poured me a cup of tea.

>"That was an old folktale, you don't get more orthodox than that," I drank greedily of the cup, refilling it as soon as I’m done.

>"We used to read tales like that all the time in The Order."

<"Let me guess, in order to learn how to combat monsters?"

>yes

>"Nah, we just happened to have a bunch of books like that. Worked wonders to put the younger boys to sleep,"

>liar

>She leans back into the chair, tucking her knees up against her tiny chest and wraps her tail around her ankles.

<"Thank you for helping me out with the girls again," she nursed her own cup of tea between her hands, a warm glow in her cheeks.

>The way she smiles is-

>I swallow the rest of the tea in large gulps before setting the cup down.

>"Thanks for the meal and the tea. I have to go now," I say, fixing my sleeves before sliding the gauntlets back on.

<"You sure you don't want to sleep over?" she asks. That tone, is that hopefulness?

>"Sorry, Orda, I'd love to, but I have some business to take care of tomorrow. Tests to correct, and I have to check up on a student. He lives somewhere between you and me, I think. Maybe I'll drop by on sunday."

>She smiles, but her tail goes a little limp.

<"You sure have your hands full, huh? Remnants from your paladin days?"

>"At this point in time, I'd go crazy if I didn't have anything to do," I say with a chuckle.

>Sitting down on the stone floor in the entryway, I drag my boots on and make sure they sit on right.

>For some reason Orda hugs me, resting her head on my back while I’m bent over.

<"I'm so glad I met you. I really owe you my life. My knight in shining armor~<3" She rubs her face into my back.

>She’s not sniffing me, is she?

>…

>"Are you hitting on me?"

>Face beet red, she jumps backwards.

<"No! No, nono, nothing like that! I just wanted to let you know how much I-" She waved her hands defensively in front of her, as if to physically deflect my accusation.

>"You have been thanking me for six years straight, Orda. I'm not as thick headed as a protagonist in some japanese comic series. It’s alright, I know I’m appreciated.”

<"That-that’s good. Ah-anyway, have a safe trip home. Sweet dreams!"

>"Yeah. Good night, Orda."

>I close the door firmly behind me, and hear the lock click shut.

>What the fuck just happened there??

>>373576

<Orda stared longingly at the door, biting her lower lip.

<”You fucking idiot, Orda, you stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID-” With a huff, she covered her face with her hands and groaned.

<”Don’t ruin six years of friendship just because you’re a little horny…” With that, she decided to take a long, cold shower before going early to bed herself.

<Up in the night sky, an almost full moon peeked out from behind dark clouds.

___________

"So here’s the Paladin I heard so much about. The tests came out positive?"

"Yeah, no doubt. We have confirmed that he possesses supernatural abilities. Mostly a form of, uuh, 'hyper-regeneration' in terms of supernatural, which he can also transfer onto others. We know from the reports and the tests conducted that he can heal anything from ruptured organs to missing limbs. Brain too, which is impressive to say the least. His natural strength is nothing to scoff at either."

"His reaction time is on par with that of highly trained martial artists. We had him wrestle with some security, and he overpowered every single one of them. He seems to use a form of aikido, mostly throws and grapples. I highly doubt he even knows what aikido even is.”

"Even Jira lost?"

"Jira was actually the one putting up the most resistance, but he sent her flying."

"Impressive. I wasn't aware non-incubi were even capable of such. What is Dr. Grelia's opinion?"

"Dr. Grelia is- mmmh."

"Is what?"

"I don't like saying this, but she is interested in him. Obsessively so."

"She has been practically begging us to hand him over. Seems she want to put him to work in a hospital."

"…………… Rehabilitation? Makes sense. Grelia's Sabbath specialise in healing physical and mental ailments. Having a more or less literal Jesus figure working you would do wonders for them. I wonder if he can cure cancer."

"…"

"Why is she so interested in a monster killer? She flew all the way from the US, for a murderer?"

"I don't think he's a murderer. He doesn't smell like one."

"… I'm sorry? Is this another one of those monster sense things?"

"In short, yes. What I want to know is what made him choose to give up so easily. He could have slaughtered everyone in that camp. Instead he gets perforated, and gives himself up. Those kinds of powers, almost a miracle."

"Miracle? Oh come on, he's a murderer! There is nothing miraculous about that."

"He refused to answer any questions about The Order?"

"Don't ignore me!"

"Not a word. He just clams up whenever we ask him. Why don't we let a mindflayer poke at him?"

"Andrew! Are you mad?? What, am I gonna start asking a 'flayer to poke around in your brain just because you don't want to talk about your honeymoon?"

"My honeymoon and The Order are two completely- hey."

"What?"

"What is he doing?"

“He sure is moving a lot. Does he itch somewhere?”

"…"

"…OH MY GOD!"

"Security, we have a breakout in Cell B-5, we need immediate backup!"

"Don't worry, the door is reinforced, he won't be able to-"

"But you didn't reinforce the windows?! You idiots!"

“Taggart, run!”

“Ma’am, this way! Oh my god, Andrew, be careful!”

"Freeze! Don’t make any sudden moves or I will shoot- Woah! Heyheyhey! L-let go, dammit!"

BANG

First off, thanks for bringing us more about the ongoing adventures of one of our favorite paladins and teachers, paladin anon.

Second,

>>360061

>A wizard in the first installment mentioned an "Independence War".

>>373574

>Paladin Teacher said that there were less than 2 billion people on the planet.

(Not to mention glimpses of more advanced technology like the cybernetic foot and Paladin Teacher's real (prohibited) weapons and armor.)

I'd be fascinated to learn more about the world building you hint at every now and then, even if it is only in the form of notes after an installment of the story is over. Things like approximately when, why, and how the portals opened, how many years from that point does this story takes place, the major events that took place between present day earth and now, where exactly the monster girls came from, and what happened to where they came from.

But that said, I know details like that are probably not what anyone is here for and that our favorite paladin is the main draw, so do with those questions what you will.

Slight update

Sorry for the long wait, I slipped and hurt my foot the other day really bad. We're talking intense pain and a fucking cast. I've been bedridden since Sunday, and have just been in a bad mood overall. Been tapping away all of today on my phone, making some progress on the story. Should have at least something small tomorrow. Deepest apologies for the wait. Really ironic, considering I just recently posted about the janitor with a cybernetic foot. God bless.

>>373737

Nice numbers. I'm glad someone is finally catching on.

>>373578

“The National Builder’s Contest held in Denmark was won by ten year old Salmer Fjell. Just look at that smile, that’s a boy who loves what he’s doing.”

“He’s so cute~”

“In our last news story today, we can inform that the Sahara desert has shrunk by ‘’another’’ 8%!”

“Eight per cent? That’s amazing!”

“Yup, yup! We are looking at a greener and healthier planet every day. In fact, ocean pollution is at an alltime low as well.”

“My seafaring friends say the same. It’s so wonderful to know they can swim freely without having to worry about some nasty stuff getting in their gills.”

>The radio hosts chatter on in their usual lively manner while I pour myself a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

“That was it for our news segment, sourced from MNN. And now it is time for our daily superpopular segment, Letters from the Audience!”

“Yaay.”

“Our first letter today is from penname Vast_Outback, from Australia. Wow, from Australia? I’ve always wanted to go there with my hubby!”

“I actually visited the Red Rock during my honeymoon.”

“You did, didn't you? The letter reads, Dear Remilia and Anna, thank you so much for your daily show. As a nightguard in the Rider Regiment, it can get a little lonely here, so I always tune in to your station over there in the US. Keep up the good work, and thanks for keeping me company in the night! Best regards, Vast_Outback, third Australian Rider Regiment. Oh wow, he’s a Rider? That’s really cool! Those mechs are awesome.”

“Wasn’t there an old, like really old, tv-show featuring those kinds of transformative robots? Our next letter is from Gyaru Youko. @Anna+Remi, hiyall, how r u doin? I just graduated from Uni, and this goes out to all my BFFS, best of luck and happy marriages! Congratulations on graduating, Gyaru Youko. Remember to always treasure those times, both happy and hard.”

“I still remember my time at Uni, it was pretty stressful, but that’s where I got into radio! Our third letter is from Pumpkinpie, from New York. He writes, Dear Anna and Remilia, I’m a big fan of you two, especially your joke segments on friday evenings. Since I’m going back to my family in Butcher County in Great Britain to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve, I figured I’d add a little joke of my own. …Oh dear god, are you ready for this, Anna?”

“I’m ready to laugh!”

“What do you call an alcoholic skeleton?”

“I don’t know.”

“Beer bones!”

“. . .Oh my fPIIIPg god.”

“Ahahahahahaaaa! That’s a great reaction. Aaah. Well, it’s time for a break. This is rising German superstar, Rudolf Engel, with his hit single Crestfallen. This goes out to all the lovely angels and valkyries out there!”

>Today’s breakfast consists of six eggs, 200 grams of bacon (lightly peppered), 8 pieces of toasted bread (whole grain), some apple jam, a small bowl of rice porridge, one can of tomato beans, 4 large oranges squeezed into juice, and a sensible salad I grew myself.

>A small greenhouse is positioned on a table near the window, where I grow my own vegetables.

>Mostly a tomato stalk and a lettuce, but I want to get another for potatoes.

>Moved to a new appartment two years ago. It’s bigger than the last one by a long shot.

>Actually, it’s more like a house, with two floors and a large balcony.

>I had a grill out on the balcony, but moved it to storage due to the season.

>I actually like this place a lot better than the last one.

>The best part is that I actually own it.

>No more police, either. You have no idea how good it is to be off the watchlists.

>Everything feels a lot more relaxed these days.

>I kind of want to get a dog. A big fluffy one.

>I wonder what I should get Orda for christmas.

>Maybe a dress?

>I take my time eating, it’s saturday after all.

>>374019

“Remember to prepare for the full moon tomorrow. It’s gonna be a blast, what with the clear weather and everything. That said, we are looking at heavy rain storms coming tuesday.”

>Oh boy, I might actually have to take the bus. You don’t mess with rainstorms.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, now it’s time for goodbye for now. Me and Anna will be back tomorrow at the usual time.”

“Don’t fret, we will always be here to keep you company in the early morning hours. From 6AM to 8AM on weekdays…”

“And 8AM to 10AM on weekends! Here is The Playground with their smash hit Big Brother. We are Remilia the Ratatoskr-”

“And Anna the Arachne.”

“Take care!”

“Piisu, piisu!”

>The radio starts blaring some heavy metal song about young girls girls being deflowered by their lover so I just switch channel. The text really isn’t my thing.

“-anniversary of General Christian Sunngaard, who died at the age of 9-”

>Come on, gotta be something good here, right?

“-or a stressless shedding-”

“Come on down to Big Alp’s Gym-”

“Without compromise, the new-”

“[Literal dog barking]”

“Papi Auxo’s Mangos, the best in all of Mexico!”

“-a relaxing bath in the hotsprings? We offer private hotsprings for you and your beloved, if preferred. Enjoy a true oriental experience at-”

>Fucking radio advertisements!

“ZZzzt-olice have increased security around the hearing this coming monday in response to threats issued earlier this week. Politicians world over have shown increasing concern for isolated frontier villages, following the rise of the terrorist group known as The Order. The Order’s followers, known only as Paladins, operates under an extreme anti-mamono dogma. Several Crusader groups have been investigated in order to find clues that could lead to the eventual capture and arrest of so called ‘’Paladins’’, but the investigations have not yielded satisfactory results so far. With winter soon approaching, meteorologists are suspecting heavy snowfalls, which will cut frontiers off from more civilized pockets.”

>Fucking hell.

>Fine, let’s listen to some classic music instead.

>At least that never goes out of fashion.

>After breakfast, I clean up and head out.

>Justin lives a while away.

>The roads are wet from the morning shower, so I have to be careful not to slip. The days are getting colder as well. Could be ice on the roads soon.

>On the way I pass by a group of larpers.

>Three guys dressed up in gambesons and helmets.

>One of them, carrying a mace on his hip, has a tan elf woman clinging to his arm, laughing at some joke one of them made. She has a simple gold band around her left ring finger.

“Hail, battlebrother!” one of the men calls me as I pass them, and I greet them in return. They seem friendly enough.

>Stopping by a crosswalk, I help an old owlmage over the road.

>She hoots happily at me and waddles off once we’ve crossed safely.

>There aren’t that many cars around anymore, and if you look for it, you can find abandoned cities and villages all over the world.

>I’m prettt sure there are more busses and taxis than cars.

>Most have the sense to stay out of ghosttowns, but more adventourous men and mamono often go traveling to these abadoned cities.

>Sometimes you’ll read about how someone got hurt on an amateur expedition, or worse…

>We used to hide in them all the time.

>Once, while chasing a group of goblins, we hid in an old tower in the Russian flatlands. Took them out with a rifle at about 200 meters. Mostly flat land, so they couldn’t really hide.

>I shake the memory out of my head and focus on the now. The playground is up ahead.

>>374020

“Hey, hey, big brother! Come play with us.” A young harpy flies next to me as I pass the playground, flying at the same speed as me.

>”Sorry to disappoint, Nugget, but I prefer older women,” I tell the harpy, who pouts.

“Please play with me, Onii-chan.”

>”I’m old enough to be your grandfather. Go play with someone else.” She flies off with a grumpy look on her small face, probably going to complain to her parents or something.

>It’s one of those Sabbath playgrounds, protected from rain by a thin magical barrier. The baphs keep making all sorts of apparatuses and then throwing them away, not caring in the slightest about all the mana they use, or create.

>Obviously I avoid that place like the plague.

>I really don’t agree with their outlook on life, little kids should be playing and having fun, not… doing that. But that’s monsters for you.

>Besides, She would be disappointed as well.

>At least the boys clean up after themselves.

>>374020

You can make a quick thumbnail sketch of your setting (with winking references) engaging. I'm impressed.

Enjoy this side story I wrote. Just to world build a little more. Leg's still hurting, but it's not enough to stop me from writing.

>>374074

You make me blush, thanks. I'll be sharing some more tidbits as the story goes on.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

>>374021

>Justin lived in a block with many smaller, pre-war houses, a very popular district for older couples and upstart families. Not that getting a house, or plot of land, is particularly difficult these days.

>I found his house soon enough. Blue paint, old and weathered, with white window sills.

>I pressed the doorbell a couple of times, and waited.

>And waited.

>And waited

>Rang the bell again.

>Waited

>Finally, some movement. I guess he was still sleeping.

>The door opened.

“Who the fuck are you?”

>Who the fuck are you??

>The one answering the door wasn’t Justin at all, but some other fucker! He was thin, effeminate, but clearly a boy, with a cigarette in his mouth (really unpopular these days, usually dealt through unsanctioned channels, but not illegal to own or use). His hair was dyed green as well, but he had a side shave instead of a mohawk. And how many fucking piercings do you need for your ears?!

>”I’m looking for Justin Cavenditch. Is he home?” I ask, remaining polite.

“No, he lives in Gofuckyourselfistan, it’s up your ass, can’t miss it,” With that, the stranger took out his cigarette and flicked it at my helmet. I didn’t even flinch as it hit the metal.

>He was wearing sports clothes, like a lazy slav who drinks too much vodka. Unkempt hair, smelled weird too. Like he hadn’t washed himself in a day or two.

>The boy made motion to close the door, so I delivered a hard kick right at edge, sending it flying open before he could react.

>”Sorry for intruding,” I said while entering. This enraged the boy, obviously.

“The fuck you doing, you fucking larper?!” And then he struck me in the chest, yelling loudly in pain when his fist connected with the metal rings beneath. I had to stifle a laughter, so funny.

>”You hit like a girl.”

>The entryway was sparsely decorated, mostly clothes hung up on bars and only two picture frames on the walls. Some shoes, the box of a powertool propped up against the wall, a school bag. There’s a scent of chemicals in the air.

“Austin! What’s going on?” Ah, the man of the hour.

“Mr. Paladin? What the fuck are you doing here?” Justin asked as he shifted his gaze from me to his friend(?) Austin and back to me again.

>”I’m here to check up on you. Who’s this fucker?” I pointed at Austin with my thumb, who was clutching his hand and swearing loudly, as if that would make the pain go away.

“That’s… Austin. My older brother.” Justin was wearing some plain jeans and a white t-shirt, his left arm bandaged up from his wrist. He hadn’t fixed his hair, so it mostly hung limp across the left side of his head. Still looks fucking weird.

>Bug Laika, Justin’s kobold girlfriend, told me he didn't want to see his family. Hmm…

>Let’s try something.

>I approached Justin and patted him on the shoulder.

>”Invite me inside so we can have a nice little chat. I need to talk with you.”

“Out-fucking-side!”

>”Shut up, Austin, go sit in the corner.”

“Fuck you.”

>”Fuck you.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“Teacher! Outside, please?” Justin seemed increasingly distressed. He hurried over to a pair of shoes by the entrance and put them on. Before we walked outside, he put on a thick jacket. Good idea, it was getting colder. Especially this early.

>We say down on a bench on the sidewalk. It really was a nice neighbourhood. I wonder what it looks like during the summer.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” he asked, his hands in his pocket and a worried look on his face. Why was he so defensive?

>”I wanted to see if everything was alright with you.”

“Well, everything is alright. So you can go.”

>”And your arm?”

“My arm? What about it?”

>”Does it still hurt?”

“Yes, I burnt myself with hot wat…er…” He had this confused expression on his face, staring down at his arm. Like something was wrong, or missing.

>>374357

>Slowly, he undid his jacket, and pulled out his left arm, unwrapping the bandage.

“What the fuck…” Yes, people tend to react with disbelief when I do my usual tricks for the first time.

>”No more cigarette burns. Is your brother hurting you?” I asked seriously, but Justin dismissed me completely.

“How did you… How did you know about the burns? Are you spying on me?”

>”Your girlfriend, Laika, told me. She’s worried sick about you.”

“Laika? God dammit!” He didn’t shout, in fact he was keeping his voice down. “I told her to not tell anyone. That dumb bitch.” Well, on a principal level, he’s not wrong. Laika is a bitch, a female dog.

>”She’s not a bitch. She cares deeply for you.” I told him. “She told me because she’s worried. She’s willing to risk your anger for your own safety. She loves you.”

>Justin was quiet, weighing his options.

“How did I do on the test?” he asked, breaking the silence.

>”Not too bad actually. Your grammar is good, and so is your grasp on history. You got a B.” He gave me a little smile at that.

>”Justin, you’re a bright kid. So why are you letting Austin prick over there bully you?”

“Austin is family. Not that I like him or my parents very much, but I still have a sense of obligation towards him, in a moment of weakness.”

>”What do you mean?”

“I…” He sighs, looking down the street as if he was waiting for the bus. “My family, no, my entire community, is very anti-monster. The kind of people you don’t want to be around. I moved here to escape that, because I don’t want to be like them.”

>”Jesus. Where are you from, Texas?”

“Yeah, that small part right at the intersection between Oklahoma and Arkansas that everybody tells you to stay away from. With good reason. I grew up with some of the shittiest parents you can imagine. But hey, great view. I could see all the way to California, Thor always looming in the distance. I often wish they would just fire a round at us and obliterate the entire place.”

>”Do you want to tell me what made you decide to run away?”

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?”

>I smiled, but he couldn’t see that, obviously.

>”As long as you come to school on monday without any damages. I see as much as one scratch on you, I’m going straight to your house to beat the shit out of your brother.”

Justin gave a small laugh, his cheeks having gained some color against the cold autumn air.

“Alright, since you asked so nicely,” he had a slightly cheeky smile now. He leaned back, hands in his pockets, recalling.

“So I grew up in a really anti-monster, pro-human settlement, one of… five human only settlements in the world, I think? There was me, mom, dad, and of course, Austin. Austin and I weren’t exactly friends, but we didn’t hate each other either. Mom and dad always ranted about how evil monsters were. It’s a self sufficient community. Everything we ate, we had grown ourselves. Anti-ma had a foothold in our community, so it was only natural me and Austin would be somewhat influenced by it. Really just propaganda and indoctrination. Believe it or not, I had more hair when I ran away from home than I do now.” He jokingly points at his head.

>”I genuinely can’t imagine you without a mohawk,” I told him, and we shared a small laugh.

>>374359

“There was this one family that moved into our street a couple of years ago. Holstaurs, father, mother, daughter. Didn’t take long before things went up shit creek. It all became crystal clear for me when the kid next door, four or five year old boy named Kevin Southern if I recall correctly, (I’d sometimes babysit him for his parents), tried to make friends with the holst-daughter.” Justin’s face grew dark. “His mother beat him so badly the entire neighbourhood heard it. I thought to myself, I don’t want to live like this! So I packed my shit and ran off that very night.” He pauses, looking up at a plane high up in the sky.

“There was a lightning strike that night. Just one. I was maybe six or seven kilometers away, driving my scooter. Never seen anything so bright before. Flash. Boom. Crashing down. I kind of hoped it hit my house, but with my brother here, I guess it didn’t. That was two years ago. I jumped on a train, and after some trainsurfing, I settled down here. I rent the house from a kikimora, work a part time job at the mall to pay for it. It’s cosy and I like it.”

“But a little over a month ago, my brother shows up at the door. Asks if he can crash here for a night or two. As I said, moment of weakness, because I said yes. He looked miserable, like something really bad had happened, eyes red and dark bags, scratched all over. He’s been… Fuck it, let’s be honest, he’s been leeching off of me ever since, the lazy bum.”

>”How did he find you?”

“Looked me up in the yellow pages or something, I dunnow. Fucking sick of him.”

>”Want me to call the cops?”

>My student gave me a sideways glance, chewing on the inside of his chin. I guess he really wanted to say yes.

“No. I can deal with this myself. If I don’t, can I really call myself independent?”

>Strong words. I am glad I get to experience this side of Justin.

>”You’re a good man, Justin. Look, I won't bother you any more today, but I am serious about the whole help you business. Seek me out if anything happens." I unlocked my bike and got on it.

>"And for god's sake, make up with Laika. It breaks my heart seeing such a sweet girl have to worry for her lover," I added.

"For a crusader, you sure care a lot about monsters."

>"Honestly, monsters aren't so bad once you get to know them. They've mellowed out since they arrived," I scrathed my chin. "I think most crusaders only want to live more conservatively. Maybe being part of some old order helps them cope with the rapid changes in society."

"I wish The Order did the same. I'll be honest, I fear for Laika's life."

>"Then you must go and protect her. Well, take care. Catch you on monday."

"Sure thing, teach. Safe trip home."

>>374360

>The second time they stick it in you, and god forbid you ever need it a second time, it fills your heart with ice.

>The coldest ice imaginable, filling every corner of your heart.

>And it still hurts enough to make a hardened veteran cry.

>Of course, it didn’t stick to me.

>There never was a third time.

>Instead, they subjected me to a training regiment.

>Perhaps it would be closer to calling it torture.

>I wonder what the original twelve were thinking to create such methods.

>All I know is, the only way to remove it is to cut it out, and live through the pain.

>Poor bastards.

<Orda checked her shopping list again, tapping the paper with a pen as she read each point.

<Soap, shampoo, conditioner, bath salts, underwear, perfume, apples, cheese, and various other items were crossed out.

<The day before full moons were always hectic. Some wizards jokingly called it “the most dangerous time of the month”.

<Orda just saw it as very stressful. Like something was missing from her own experience.

<Well, of course there was, but it wasn’t something she really wanted to think about.

<People fluttered back and forth in the busy mall, going from store to store. Stocking up on food and browsing luxuries. Chatting, holding hands.

“Honey, which do you think look better?”

“I can’t wait for that steak dinner tomorrow.”

“I should get my darling a new grimoire. He has almost filled out a new one.”

“Babe, you should try this dress on.”

“How many kids this time, Master?<3”

<Her daughters followed behind her, each one holding onto her tail with their little hands.

<A nice and orderly line. They passed a duck harpy with her own conga line, the mothers exchanging knowing smiles.

“Mommy, mommy! Can I go visit Uncle’s shop?” Roche asked and pointed at store run by a dwarf and a cyclops. The storefront was lined with decorative armors and weapons.

<Ye Olde Blacksmith, the sign said. Paladin had mentioned it a few times that their quality was quite high. One of the helmets displayed even did remind Orda of him, similar design.

<”Not today, Roche. I’ll take you there next time, alright?” She caressed the brown hair atop her daughter’s head. “He really rubbed off on you, huh? Do you want to dress up like Uncle?” Roche nodded. Uncle Paladin was her hero.

<”Maybe when you have saved up enough money, you can look just like him. But don’t skimp on your training.”

“I won’t!” Roche was such an energetic ball of sunshine and positivity.

“Mommy, that man…” Jarla tugged on Orda’s tail, looking nervous.

>”Hmm? What’s wrong, Jarla?”

“Orda.”

>>374670

<Her head snapped in the direction of the voice that had just called her name, her ears standing up. She recognized that voice! A man in his now early thirties, with brown hair and a pair of round glasses on the bridge of his nose. He was lanky, a lot taller than her (well, everybody was, really), slightly bent over. His face was clean shaven, smooth. He looked healthy.

<”Richard…?” She couldn’t believe her own eyes and ears. It really was him. Her ex-boyfriend.

“Orda, it really is you!” The man squatted down and held out his arms. “I saw you over here and I thought, no way, that can’t be her. But it is you! I’m so glad I fo-”

SLAP

<The sound of her open hand striking Richard’s cheek caused many a passerby to turn their heads.

<Orda stood there, shivering with anger, her face was twisted in a disgusted frown.

<”Get away from me, you son of a bitch,” she hissed, her voice dripping with proverbial poison. Richard, having fallen back, stared at her confused. His glasses hung from one ear, and he was rubbing his cheek where she had hit him. Jarla, Etivaz and the rest huddled together behind their mother. When had they ever seen their mother in such a state?

<He had grown older, but the scent of his spirit and mannerism were the same.

<Orda’s belly twisted with a mixture of anger and pain as the memories of betrayal resurfaced in her mind.

“O-Orda? What in the world… I just wanted to say hello. We haven’t even seen each other in-”

<“Six. Years. So I pray to god, if I ever have to see you again, it will be too soon.” She turned, urging her daughters to follow.

“Orda!” Richard adjusted his glasses and got up, swiftly overtaking her pace. “Please just let me explain. It’s not what you think. I just wanted to see you, and our daughters. That time at the bar-”

<”Our daughters? Really? Gods, you are disgusting. Get away from me.” She couldn’t believe it. The audacity of this man.

“Mommy, I’m scared,” Etivaz whimpered, so Orda picked her up and quickened her pace. She spotted a manticore wearing a security uniform. Her salvation.

“Orda, please! Come on, I just want to talk.”

<”Security! Security, over here!” Orda waved at the manticore, who thankfully spotted her.

“What’s the matter, ma’am?” the manticore asked, a friendly smile on her face.

<”I need you to get this man away from me. He’s scaring my daughters.” Richard rolled his eyes with a sigh.

“My girlfriend’s just being hysterical, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. I wanted to see our daughters.”

<”Oh, you sick, emotionally manipulating…”

“Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” the manticore said courtly, straightening her back. She was shorter than Richard by a few inches, but looked far tougher and stronger than him. Orda took some solace in that. Actually, he really was on the short side for a man. Paladin would be towering over both of them by at least a head.

“I just want to talk to my girlfriend,” he repeated, but yelped when the manticore started growling at him. “Orda, can’t we talk about this?”

<”Go away. I don’t want to see you ever again.” The security officer guided Richard away, a paw on his shoulder. Orda could feel this was going to turn into a really shitty full moon.

>>374671

Justin watched his teacher cycle away, wondering how he was going to word his displeasure to his brother. Letting out a loud 'hmm', he stood on the step in front of the door, rubbing his chin. Sounds behind the door caused him to look up, and the door opened. Austin was dressed to go out, a thick jacket zipped up.

"Outta my way," he said, pushing his younger brother away, though Justin was already stepping aside. "So when are you coming back?" the younger brother asked.

"Dunnow. Gonna see if I can look for a job or something. Got the key, so just lock the door, ok?" Austin responded in his usual, half-bored, half-angry tone. Justin could only respond with a low 'Oh'. Perhaps his brother could finally come around.

>As I was pedaling home on my bike, I come across a pair of people I hadn’t expected to see.

>I rang my bell and stopped next to them, skidding slightly on the moist pavement.

“Master! It’s been ages!”

“How good to see you again, Sensei.”

>It’s Squire and his wife, the Japanese centaur. Her silky black hair is set up in a bun and she’s wearing a yellow raincoat, while Squire has grown a proper beard, his hair as brown as fertile soil. He had a red and black umbrella tucked under his arm.

>”Hello yourself. Quite the surprise to see you two again. How is it going at the academy, Gabriel?” A firm handshake told me he hadn't been skipping out on his training.

>Gabriel, aka Squire, smiles, squeezing his wife’s hand.

“It’s going great. I’m graduating next year. Hard work, but if I couldn't make it, I'd be something of a disgrace, now wouldn't I?”

>”That’s great to hear. I hope I can make it for the ceremony. So what are you two doing here? Shouldn’t you be home preparing for tomorrow?”

Gabriel chuckled, pointing at the centaur. “We did all the preparations weeks ago. Satsuki is very diligent about being on time for the moon. Right, honey?” Satsuki, the centaur, blushed at her husband’s praise, wiping away some stray hairs from her forehead. “And how have you been lately, Sensei?” she asked, turning to me. I think her eyelashes got longer.

>”I’ve been busy teaching. It’s a good job for me. Nice to mingle with the students as well.”

“Do they still call you the Iron Hand Teacher?” Gabriel asked.

>”Nobody has ever called me that.”

“Ah, maybe it was just our year, then. Fufufu~ Sensei is such a strange man, I can never quite read his face.” Satsuki giggled like she was back in school again. Yeah, yeah, funny joke, gluebag.

>”Says the girl who confessed to me, and tried to win me over by being a copycat. Not that that lasted long. Speaking of, there’s something that’s been bothering me for a while now… Why do you keep calling me ‘sensei’?”

“Why…?” Satsuki put a finger to her chin, thinking. “Sensei will always be sensei.” Some answer that.

>"I'm not your teacher anymore, and we're not in Japan, so stop calling me that." I pointed an accusing finger at Satsuki to underline my point.

"No need to be so embarrassed about it, 'Sensei'."

>"SHUT YOUR TRAP AND GO PUT A CHILD IN YOUR WIFE, SQUIRE!"

“Hey! I thought I graduated to a full knight after high school! And besides, we already have a daughter.”

>”I take that back! Talking like that to your master, you are not worthy of the title of knight!”

“So you ARE embarrassed at being called sensei!”

>”Any sane non-Japanese person would be embarrassed at that! ‘Sensei, sensei’, it sounds like some goddamn soap opera being sent on midday tv, the time when the least amount of people watch tv!”

“You don’t even watch tv!”

>>375511

>”Hey, I watch nature documentaries. Very educational. And the occasional lecture from scientists.” Gabriel sighed loudly at my statement, as if it troubled him on a personal level.

“You are a teacher through and through, whether you realize it or not, Master.”

>”Hmpfh!” I puffed out my chest proudly. “I’ve been doing this job for nearly 9 years now! I’d almost say I was born for it! Hahaha! Tremble before me, children, you who hunger for knowledge! The meanest teacher in the world is here to stay!”

“And yet, I have never once seen your face.” Well, of course not. That would make me vulnerable to a succubi's charm spell. This armor isn't just for show, you know.

“Ah, but Aria did once!”

>Oh, right, the jinko. She became sort of infatuated with me after our fight, but last I heard, she had moved to Australia.

“She never told me what he looked like, but I do remember her stalking after Master all the time.” Gabriel was taking a walk down memory lane now, no doubt.

>”It’s fine, it’s fine. It was just a helmet. You guys know me, I wouldn’t die even if I was killed.” Surprisingly true that. I glanced at my watch. It was time for lunch.

>"Look, it's lovely seeing you two again, but I have to run. I don't want to be caught out in the open when it gets dark." We said our goodbyes and parted ways.

“Sensei is a very strange man.” Satsuki concluded, her ears twitching as small raindrops fell on them. Gabriel opened his umbrella, holding it above their heads, and the two watched the knight disappear around a corner.

- Question: Has there ever been a case where a monster/man couple has not connected, despite spending a significant amount of time together, and maybe even engaging in sexual activities?

- Answer: Yes, there have been such cases in the past

- Follow-up: What do you theorise can cause this?

- Answer: Underlying issues in the man, abuse from both sides, and general incompatability. Let me explain: 1. Monsters can generally sense strong feelings and emotions in a man, like, say, bloodlust, happiness, or depression, simply by looking at his mana. We always warn girls about men who kill with glee. We are rather terrible at reading apathy and high-functioning socipathy.

2. Abuse, both the feeling of abuse, and actual abuse fall under this category. Actual abuse is extremely rare in men married to monsters, but it has happened. The feeling of abuse is a bit more prevalent, but less so these days. I have had a couple of patients who have run away from their abusers, monsters that simply didn't know better. I remember a patient who got very hysterical when we wanted to take a blood sample; he was deathly afraid of needles, having suffered under a manticore who was, frankly, negligent in her treatment of him. A younger manticore, I should add. She didn't have any parents, so manners were lacking. There have been other cases like that too, such as a man who suffered braindamage from a rather… obsessed shirohebi.

It's easier to read your man now, thanks to ambient mana, but back when the portals just opened? Complete hell on earth for some.

3. Monstergirls generally shape their mana to suit their chosen mate, but in some cases, this can take time. A long time. There are various factors, such as ambient mana or demonic energy in the area, the man's prefrence in comparison to the girl, and even their attitude towards each other. It can breed contempt. Rare, but it happens. One wight I met had mothered a child, but she just couldn't connect with her husband over it. She loved the child, but felt nothing for him. It was a rather tragic affair. But that was ages ago.

Excerpt from an interview with Dr. Grelia, 2062

>>375515

>Sunday: not much to report. Same old chaos, handholding and struggle cuddles.

>I kept to myself in my apartment, corrected the remaining test and worked out. I usually don’t venture out during full moons, and night time would be suicide.

>Monster’s urges are so much stronger when the moon is full.

>Speaking of urges…

>Opening my wardrobe, I pull out my armor, the real stuff.

>My blacksmith buddy fixed it for me.

>Quite the conversation we had.

He stood up and ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this? Nano-weave with runic infusion and prayer engravings? What is this layer here, is that silver? Blessed silver? Oh my god, the rivets are cold-iron. Against fae, of course. How many levels of protection is there here? Who the fuck thinks of this stuff? This is some next level bullshit, I don’t even know where to start. And you want me to fix it??” He glared at me, my blacksmith buddy's annoyance reflected in his pale blue eyes. His skin is tan and leathery from hours and hours in front of a forge, his hands strong and calloused from swinging all sorts of hammers and operating various kinds of heavy machinery. The thick beard is stained with oil and small pieces of metal shavings. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was a tall dwarf.

>”[Mind] had some crazy ideas. You’re the only one I know who can even try.”

“Paladin, I’m a blacksmith, not a damn scientist! I’d need a laboratory to fix this armor of yours.”

>”Please try at least.” I urged him, not wanting to give it up so soon. It meant something to me, after all.

“This will cost you. I like having a job, but this is some damn CERN levels of engineering. What happened?”

>”Sledgehammer with a sharpened point swung by a man who had mated with an orc. Pure strength. Killed her too, so he was dedicated to his cause. They were attempting bloodmagic, needed an infant. I was also sloppy, so I blame myself partially.”

“Going to such lengths… And the mouse girl?”

>”Better than ever, safe and sound.”

“Good! I would have kicked you in the shin if she wasn’t.” He gave me a light punch in the shoulder. I noticed his cyclops wife peeking at us from the kitchen window.

>”I know. I have been very lucky. Almost blessed even. My students, you, Orda… I’m happy, surprisingly.” Thinking about the entire situation made me sound melancholic.

“Fine, I’ll do it, but it will be expensive, and take time, since I don’t have the blueprints. I have to call in some favours too, but they would kill to study this. You mind?”

>”Just don’t go spread the word. I try to keep a low profile.”

“Well, you fucked that up. You were all over the news last month." He laughed sarcasticly. "‘Knight in shining armor saves the day’, ‘Vigilante Crusader’, and my personal favourite, ‘Tincan asshole larper goes free from murder of thirteen human lives’.”

>”Where did you read that last one? Sounds funny.”

“HFY.com. It’s a propaganda site of the worst caliber. Their articles are hilariously bad. Hey, don't feel to bad about it. There's always gonna be assholes, regardless of wether they have extra bits or not.”

>"Why are you trying to cheer me up? We both know I'm an asshole."

"Go get fucked already, will you? Christ, you're one sad virgin."

>"Nothing wrong with being a virgin, you old cuck."

"Pffh, with that attitude, you'll alp sooner than you can say 'battlebrother'."

>"Dude, low blow. Nothing wrong with an army man."

>I slip the armor on, testing it.

>It’s heavier. I have lost some mobility as well. They couldn’t replicate the nano-weave, so they had to make do with different materials for replacements.

>The helmet sits on just right with a snug fit.

>I used to spend days in this at a time. Sneaking among ruins of civilization, hunting down monsters, doding mass graves.

>Always a sight when a recruit would step on a hundred year old skull for the first time.

>My unit was messed up. I hope I never have to see any of them ever again.

>I hope Orda is alright. Full moons tend to take a toll on her.

>Why did she never look for her ex in the past six years?

>My little introspective moment gets interrupted when my phone rings. It’s Orda.

>I pull off my helmet and pick it up.

>”Hey, Orda. Trouble with the kids again?” I say jokingly, expecting no real laughter in return.

>It’s silent for a moment, although I can hear her breathing.

<”No, nothing. Sorry, pal, I called the wrong number. I meant to call Petra.”

>She hangs up before I can say anything.

>That’s weird, she has never done that before.

>I put my armor away, then call her back.

>>360598

>no, this one has six

Oh my lord lmao

>>360598

o holy fuck this is like the monomyth. it's the rebirth part

>>359470

>dat subtle lorka and thomas reference

I'm glad they are happy, I wonder how their kids are I wonder how the author is