/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

>>370699

Um, it seems to me like after >"The green mohawk says otherwise." the sentances stop being related to eachother

Am I retarded?

>>370812

I assumed the whole thing was a bunch of teaser lines from the next installment. Think of it like a movie trailer that just shows a bunch of random scenes and quotes from the movie and it will make more sense–that is if I interpreted it correctly.

Heres a idea for a greentext

>oblivious anon

>manages to avoid rape through hilarious situations in school

>mostly through being oblivious

>>370699

hell yes

>>371582

Well shit nevermind then

>>371583

I didn't tell you to make you stop, Anon.

>>371585

I mean I said I had a idea but it really isnt a idea of someone else did it

>>371586

Everything old is new again.

Put your own spin on it, breathe new life into it. Create.

>>371587

Alright

>be me

>high school anon

>and as a anon in a highschool I tried to do my duties of going to school

>oh hey theres the bus,wait its moving away from the stop

>time to nove it

>"oh shit oh shit oh shit….wait up!"

>suddenly the bus would stop and its stop sign would come out

>and since I was running and trying to stop the bus I ran straight into the stop sign and fell onto my back

>"ow….ow….fuck that hurts"

>I can hear the entire bus laughing at me now…

<"hey kid are you alright?"

>"yeah…I'm alright"

>i would slowly rise up before I entered the bus

>all the seats are taken damn

>oh hey a centaurs on the bus

>maybe she would let me ride her

>"Oh hey can Is it alright if I ride you?"

>wait her face is getting red all of a sudden,she might be sick

<"WH-WHAT DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO US"

>"no not really, anyways nevermind your face is getting pretty red you might be sick"

<"wait I'll let you ride me!"

>suddenly this oni would chime in

<"I'll let you sit on my lap"

>"see you dont have to anymore, also you should probably go to the nurse you look pretty sick"

>a look of disbelief would fall upon then centaur as I sat down onto the onis lap

>then the bus started moving

>"thanks for letting me sit on your lap"

<"no problem but you owe me"

>"what does that mean?"

<"just take off your pants"

>"why would i"

<"because you owe me"

>"whys that?"

<"JUST TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS"

>"but it's pretty cold right now"

>suddenly the bus would stop before I hopped off her lap

>the onis completly silent for some odd reason

>"Time's up!" I shout, several students jumping in shock.

>"Write your names in the top right corner of each page and then put your pens away,"

>Some make last minute scribbles, others sigh dejected.

>Tests can be useful if done right.

>It shows what a student has learned, and that is dependant upon my ability to teach.

>I have a feeling most made it this time.

>I salute some of the students, congratulate them on making it through, wish them a good weekend.

>With one small exception

>"Cavenditch, a moment," I say as I grab the boy's shoulder.

>Justin Cavenditch, number 09 in a class of 16, 16 years old.

>Delinquent, possible affiliations to Anti-Mamono.

>He flinches at my touch. Violently so.

"What?!" The green mohawk atop his head twitch, and he glares at me with wicked eyes. His jacket open, I spot some band t-shirt. Honestly, he only stands out because of that damn mohawk of his. Get a proper haircut, boy!

>Other than that, he’s pretty average in both height and stature. No piercings either.

>"We need to talk about your absences-"

"No we fucking don't. I came for your stupid test, so leave me alone," he growls, his knuckles turning white as he grabs onto the straps of his bag. He sure has some long canines.

>"At the rate you're going, I'm gonna have to call your parents soon. You haven’t been doing very well at school lately, and your absences only exacerbates the problem,” I respond sternly while crossing my arms, a dull rattle from my hauberk.

>”Look, if you have troubles of any kind, you can talk to me. I’m not just here to teach you, I’m also here to help you. Doesn’t matter what, be it heart aches, family quarrels-”

"Oh, fuck right off, my parents have nothing to do with this," Such anger in one so young.

>"So I'll see you on monday?" I ask with an optimistic tone.

"Don't count on it."

>"Alright, I'll be there to wake you up and drag you to school then."

>That only nets me a flipped bird.

>"How rude,” I don’t stop him from leaving. He got his warning.

>I just hope he heeds it.

"Leave me alone, or stuff it up your arse," With that, he leaves.

>Goddamnit, I don't even know where to start with this boy. I have had him for two years, and I still can’t properly get a pin on his personality.

>And who the fuck are the Sex Pistols?

>Sounds like a bunch of sellouts.

>My office is shared by three other teachers, but for the moment I am alone.

>I put down the stack of papers on the mat covering the desktop and hang up my sword and shield.

>Best I get it all done with as soon as possible.

>But before I begin, I take a moment to gaze at a framed photography on my desk.

>It's me, Orda, and her six daughters.

>Me in my great helm, white and red tabard over a sturdy hauberk, gloves and boots fortified with plates. I'm the only one who had to squat for the picture.

>I did remove the sword and shield, and doing a silly peace sign at the camera.

>Orda looks like a very short mhousemother. That bright, proud smile of hers. A beige poncho-like sweater, and a long skirt. Well, long for her.

>Gauda, with her black corkscrews, hugging a stuffed toy, a brown bear with a silly face and two long legs attached to the head. She looks like a porcelain doll with all those frills.

>Roche and her big smile that never goes away. Her short brown hair can never stay down, it's always all over the place. Just like her.

>Jarla and her black hair buns. Never far away from her twin. She's wearing a red choker.

>Etivaz, Jarla's mirror image. There are few differences between them, minor details. She wears a blue choker. Hopefully they will develop some differences when they grow up.

>Mozarella, her straight white hair framing red eyes and a sweet smile. Honestly, she's very pale and white, I often worry she doesn't get enough sun.

>Telemea, brown haired mouse who's clinging to my tabard. She loves to help out her mother with dinner. I think she’ll be a great cook when she grows up. I love gently pinching her chubby cheeks.

>That was their first day of school.

>Despite initial fears, they had a lot of fun.

>To think I had been caring for them for almost six years by that point.

>They always have something to say whenever I visit.

>Christ. Six years. Imagine that.

>I can scarcly believe it.

>Six years ago I was still an asshole, albeit a benevolent one, just going about my day, only spending as much time as I needed with monsters.

>Playing pranks on them.

>Testing the rules.

>Saved by the goddamn bell and goodwill of my students and some angels, but who cares about them?

>Now I get worried if a student doesn’t show up. What a strange feeling.

>Big softie me with my hard outer shell.

>Good thing The Order can’t see me…

>Been weird watching them grow, but I really care about them and Orda.

>I almost live at their place at this point.

>I have a change of clothes there, a spare key, even my own toothbrush.

>A lot has changed in six years.

>>373306

>Squire has moved up in the world.

>Married that centaur.

>I was his best man at the wedding.

>He's attending the police academy now in order to become an officer.

>I'm sure he can make it.

>The HEMA group is still going strong, the core group is traveling around the country to attend events and conventions.

>I am so proud of them.

>Well, enough reminiscence, time to work.

>But as I open the first paper, there's a knock on the office door.

>I call whoever it is in with a rough bark, and a kobold peeks in, her ears flat against her head.

"Um… Mr. Paladin?"

>"That's me. Get in and close the door, you're letting in a draft," I say as I wave her in.

>"Now what is it you want?"

>The kobold looks nervous, wringing her hands, keeping her eyes down on the floor, tail between her legs.

>Classic signs of worry in dogs.

>She's one of my colleague's students, Steve Jefferson, she's been here before talking to him.

>I think her name was Laika or something like that.

"Mr. Jefferson said… He said that, um… That you," she fumbles through her sentence, but I'm patient.

>Not the first time I have dealt with nervous students.

>Her uniform is neatly kept, her hair shoulder length. A single green streak in her otherwise light brown hair.

>Bright, attentive eyes, button nose.

>Her fur is just as well kept as her uniform, almost shining in the light.

>A few deep breaths later and she finally speaks.

"Mr. Jefferson said I should speak to you if he was not available, and I know he has already gone home. So…"

>Another awkward pause.

"Can we talk?"

>"Shouldn't be a problem. What is it that's on your mind, my child?"

"It's… My boyfriend."

>Oh jesus fucking christ, it's another one.

>Do these girls only think about their boyfriend? Do they only think with their vaginas?

>The answer is yes

>"Alright, what about him?"

"Well, it's, um, so. So me and my boyfriend, Jessie, I mean Justin, I call him Jessie as as a pet name, he really likes it and he calls me his 'little ball of happiness' and we-"

>"Focus."

"Right! Right. I have been dating Jessie for about a year and a half now, I think? We're starting our third year next summer. And lately he has been… Weird. Like for the past month or so."

>Go on.

"He lives alone, and often sleeps over at my place, and my parents like him and all that, so no problem there, it's just…"

>She bites her lower lip.

"He's been avoiding me lately. Doesn't pick up calls, doesn't answer texts. He comes to school, but refuses to talk about it. Sometimes he even ignores me. So the other day, after he had P.E., we go to different classes, you see, I snuck into the boys' lockerroom, because I know he's always the last one out. So he was showering and-"

>I'd suggest she didn't give me any details, but her expression twists into visible discomfort. There's more to this.

"He had cigarette burns all over his arm," she exclaims, shuddering for a moment.

"He doesn't smoke, I know that, so I have no idea how he got them. And some looked fairly recent. I'm worried he's run into a bad crowd, but I don't know anyone in town who would want to hurt him like that. But the worst thing is, when I confronted him about it, he didn't come to school for two days!"

>Cigarette burns? Shit, that's bad.

>"You mentioned he lives alone. Isn't he a little young for that?" Her ears shift and she nods in confirmation.

"I've tried asking him about it before, but all he says is that he doesn't want to see them. His family, I mean."

>>373307

>This might be a little beyond me. I've dealt with lovers' quarrels before, but this is on a different level.

>"Have you considered asking the police to check up on him?" I ask her.

>She's about to shake her head, but stops halfway through the first shake.

"Well, I considered it. And threatened him with it, sort of. But he got angry and said he'd hate me forever if I called them. If I told anyone, in fact. But I, I can't stand seeing him like that. I love him, so… So I come to you instead."

>"Right. Justin, Justin who?"

"Hmm? Jessie is in your class."

>"Justin Cavenditch? The delinquent?"

"He's not a delinquent!"

>"The green mohawk says otherwise. I thought he was anit-ma,” He’d sure as fuck fit right in.

“He’s not! It’s just his style. Just like you, dressing up as a crusader, isn’t that a little inappropriate for school?”

>”It protects my virginity.”

>smug_crusader.png

“Would explain how you’re a forty year old virgin.”

>…

>bitch.jpeg

>I lean back in my chair, contemplating the situation at hand.

>This isn't something I can just ignore.

>She came to me because Steve recommended me, and I trust Steve's judgement.

>The man is rarely wrong.

>But Justin is also my student, so this goes double.

>"Don't worry, I'll look into it," I say. "Justin is my student, and if he's in trouble, it's my job to steer him back to the straight and narrow."

>Laika's ears perk up and a hopeful smile appears on her face.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Paladin! I'm so glad I can count on you!"

>Oh gosh, stop it. You're embarrassing me.

>"Don't mention it. It's a teacher's job to put their student's concern to rest."

>The kobold sighed with relief, and thanks me as she leaves.

>After two hours of correcting tests, I place the corrected ones in a drawer and lock it, and the uncorrected ones I place in a folder and take it with me.

>I say good afternoon to other teachers and the janitor, heading of to the bikeshed.

>Somebody forgot their bike again.

>Mine's a scratched up blue one.

>It suffered most that time I was almost run over by a van.

>After unlocking my bike, I pull out a rainponcho from the bag on the side of the bike.

>Today is cloudy with a chance of rain.

AND THUS IT BEGINS

A brand new story

About the Paladin Teacher

>>373308

Please continue.

>>373310

Tomorrow. Bed time now. I'm sure you'll love the new content.

>>370699

I'm half expecting a gang war between paladins , anti-ma, and whatever monsters gangs there are with Paladin Teacher caught in the middle

>>373308

>Orda lives in a really nice neighbourhood, lots of other families here.

>Not so many out and playing right now, except a family of watersprites, jumping from puddle to puddle.

>I park and lock my back, stuffing the tests into my backpack.

>The door opens as soon as I turn the key, but as I enter the hallway, I hear someone calling from a sideroom.

“Hello? Is anybody out there? I could use a little help!”

>It’s coming from the boiler room.

>”Hello?”

“Yes! Hi! Can you help me? There should be a red toolbox near the door, can you grab it for me?”

>Wouldn’t you know it, there is one right here. I pick it up and make my way inside.

>Around the corner I spot the janitor. A man almost twenty years my junior, desperately holding onto a large pipe.

“Thank god, there you are! Grab the clamps from toolbox and put them on the end there, where the bolts are supposed to be. Owowow, my leg!” He nods in the direction.

>I do as he says, attaching a pair of strong clamps to the connecting part.

>Once I’m done, he slowly lets go of the pipe, and when it doesn’t move, breathes a sigh of relief.

“Man, you’re a saint, Mister Crusader. I thought I was a goner, like Atlas holding up the world. I see you around here all the time, but I think this is the first time you and I have actually met. Name’s Curt Rukkert. Nice to meet you,” I shake his hand.

>”Nice to meet you too, Mr. Rukkert. Is your leg fine?” He shrugs and pulls up his left pant leg. A cybernetic foot is connected to his ankle.

“Feels like it never quite healed. They can’t find the problem. Hurts when I twist it. But it’s fine, I’ve been limping for almost ten years, I can limp for almost ten more,” He squats down, rummaging through his toolbox for screws

>”How did you lose it?” I ask absentmindedly, curiously peering down at his foot. He smiles broadly.

>Oh no, I know this type of smile. He takes a deep breath, and-

“So I’m on this class trip back in high school, on a bus. I was a real badass, didn’t take shit from anyone. The only person I ever respected was my class representative, a monster named Mayu. She was a kejourou, you know, the ones with long hair all over the place? Anyway, I’m sleeping soundly in my seat, when the bus crashes. Almost falls over a cliff too, real Final Destination shit. Hardass that I am, I leap into action, smashing windows and wrenching doors open so my fellow classmates can escape. Everybody gets out, except Mayu. Her hair has been trapped in debris, and she can’t get loose. And she’s right by the engine too, the radiator fan exposed and running like a saw blade in some sick german slasher flick.”

>Uh-huh. That’s only the second most unbelievable story I have heard in my life so far.

>>373365

I forgot to fix the fucking flag!

“I jump back into the bus, leap over to Mayu, and do the most unholy thing I could do: I slide in front of her and push her up and away from the fan, and cut her hair. The bus is almost falling over, we don’t have much time. I can barely feel the radiator fan nipping at my leg. So we get out, just as the bus falls over the cliff. It was only then, when we were standing, her shaking like a leaf in the wind while clinging to my side, that I notice my foot is gone. Rescuers fished the remains out of the wreck, so I had to get a replacement.”

>”Boy do I not believe you.”

“Hey, I swear it’s true!” He sounds like a child caught lying.

>"How did you cut her hair? You never mentioned a knife or scissors," I point an accusing finger at him.

"Martial arts. I'm a master of the Cutting Fist. Fifth dan karate,"

>"Dan is for sumo and tae kwan-do."

“I thought you lost your foot fighting against ten gangsters. And dan is a type of rank in judo, not tae kwan-do or sumo." We both turn towards the woman leaning against the corner. I didn’t even hear her. I guess I have lost my touch.

>Her straight, long blonde hair cascades all over her from her head, and yet it doesn’t get in the way for her movements. A Kejourou. She has a soft smile on her lips, one hand tucked in the pocket of her jeans. They cling to her legs like a second skin. She holds a rolled-up newspaper in the other hand.

“I was wondering what took you so long, Curt. Need any help?” He shakes his head in response. “Nah, I’ll be done in a minute now. And it was fifteen gangsters. Oh, right,” He turned to me and gestured with his hand. “Crusader, my wife. Mayu, this is a crusader who helped me out in my time of need. He’s the one who keeps visiting the mouse up on third floor.”

>”Paladin. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Rukkert,” I shake her hand, and she smiles back.

“Nice to meet you too. And thanks for entertaining my husband. He has quite an imagination.”

“Oy, waddaya mean ‘quite an imagination’? Are you accusing me of being a liar?”

“Yes, in fact I do.”

“I didn’t lie when I proposed to you, nor at the altar.”

“And those are the only truths you have ever said, you pathological liar. You're a master of karate now? Last week it was swords."

"I'm a master love maker too."

"Prove it."

>”I’m just gonna go and leave you two alone.”

>Even halfway up to Orda’s, I could hear Mrs. Rukkert’s sexually excited voice. Freaking exhibitionists.

>>373366

Dan is TKD as well. Got a certificate for my 2nd dan. Goddamn useless martial art that.

>>373366

>"I'm home," I call out as I enter, and I can hear six little voices squealing in delight.

"Uncle!"

>I guess Orda's preparing a chicken today. There's a delicious scent in the air.

>Placing my boots next to the shoe rack (their shoes are so tiny compared to mine), I greet the kids in the living room.

>"Hey, how's my favourite little girls doing?" I take a knee so they can give me a group hug.

>Gauda presses her stuffed toy against my helmet while Roche climbs onto my shoulders.

>The other girls seem content to hug my belly, leg and arms.

>"There you all are. It's good to see you," I hug them tightly.

<"Aha, am I counted among those 'little girls'?" Orda asks with a bright laugh. She's wearing a light pink apron over a black knitted sweater and blue denim jeans. A pair of pink slippers adorn her feet.

>"Nah, this is all age relative. You're my favourite mouse mother, though," I tease her. She's 29 now, but I'd have a hard time guessing it if I didn't know her personally.

"Too tight, Uncle," Jarla says, her face squeezed up against the tiny metal rings protecting my chest.

>I have to let her go at this point, caressing her cheek that now has an imprint of the rings. Roche is too busy doing an impression of the "Do you trust me"-scene from Titanic.

>Orda puff her cheek slightly at my remark, as if I implied she was too old.

<"Uhu," Relaxing, she peers into the oven.

>Smells like chicken.

<"In any case, welcome home. How was your day?" She sits down next to me and wraps her arms around Gauda, pulling her daughter into her lap.

>Gauda cuddles with her toy, the silly faced bear that's only a head and two long legs. It’s quite worn, but well loved and taken care of.

>A very disarming appearance, to be honest.

>Orda makes most of the stuffed toys herself, which Gauda hordes for her own little nest in the bedroom.

>Roche starts slapping my helm like it's a drum, a hollow sound ringing out.

>Really hurts my ears, so I grab her and lift her up and over my head, setting her down in front of me.

>"Stop that," I bark at her with a slight accent, and she and the other girls giggle.

"Uncle's head is so empty," she laughs.

>"Empty?? I'll have you know my head is full of important matters," I state and ruffle her hair.

>"But it's not a drum, so don't do that again, alright?" I'm not really getting through to her. Alright then, guess who's not getting her cheese.

>Kids, I swear. Lovable, stressful things.

>Dinner is the usual affair, with the kids talking above each other.

>What they did at school, what they dreamt the night before, wondering if I can play with them in the weekend.

>Who knew kids could be so loud, huh?

>I wouldn't trade it for the world.

>>373571

>The chicken is to die for. A whole chicken, oiled and covered with spices, baked in a terracotta bowl, and served with white rice and raw vegetables on the side.

>The meat is juicy while the outer skin is crispy.

>Orda has done a wonderful job. Sometimes I wonder if all she does is consuming cookbooks.

>After the dishes are cleaned, I play with the girls.

>Some teaparty, some board games, a lot of running around and catching.

>”Raarh, it’s the huggle monster, out to hug naughty little girls!” With my arms raised over my head and a blanket over me, I stomp around the living room, chasing the mice around.

“Kyaaah!<3” They laugh and run, hiding under the couch and tables, or jumping at me from behind.

>Roche wants to fight, so I keep teaching her how to hold and swing a sword properly. Today I get a full taste of her toy sword as she batters my shoulders with it, so it has paid off.

>Ow. I should stop spoiling her.

>Even Orda gets dragged into our game and works up a bit of a sweat, laughing all the while.

>After brushing their little teeth, we put the girls to bed.

>The little ones sleep in the same big room.

>Rope ladders and tunnels crisscross all over the place, each girl having her own “nest”. Gaude peeks out at me from a mountain of stuffed toys, while Jarla and Etivaz sleep next to each other.

>Roche just flops onto her bed and rolls around for a while, while Telemea gets wrapped up tightly in her blanket by Orda. Seems she likes tight spaces.

>If I didn’t know better, I would have assumed I had walked into a playland or something.

>It’s not that uncommon of a room.

>Water based monsters live essentially in aquariums, for example, though most do so by the coastline.

>I once saw the room of an elf.

>Consisted of two floors, with a large tree that acted like a spiral staircase. The leaves on the tree would change color depending on the season.

>The upper floor also had large windows in the roof.

>You could sunbathe during the summer.

>If I had a better sense of aesthetics, I might have wanted such a room for myself.

>Magic makes it so cheap and easy.

>Also helps that we are less than 2 billion people on the planet.

"Uncle, tell us a bedtime story," Mozarella pleads as I tuck the covers around her.

>"Huh, again? Didn't I tell you a really good one last time I visited?"

"Another one, another! Pleeeease?" The girls chant in their high-pitched voices. Orda chants too.

>"Pfffaah… Alright, gimme a minute. Uncle Paladin's gonna tell you guys a great bedtime story. Orda, could you get the flashlight?"

>I turned off the lighta and Orda shined the flashlight on me, casting a great shadow on the bedroom wall.

>The stage is set. "Ahem,"

Once upon a time long, long ago, in a kingdom far, far to the north, there lived an old man with his wife and three sons.

<”More north than Canada?” asks Mozarella.

>”Much farther north. And a little west. Anyway,”

The old man lived next a vast forest filled with tall trees. But he was old, and they had little food, so it was up to his sons to go into the forest to chop wood they could sell for gold.

First, the eldest son went out. His name was Peter. Peter was strong, and had no trouble swinging his father's axe. He made his way deep into the heart of the forest, where the tallest, thickest trees were.

But no sooner had he swung the axe once, when he heard a loud, thundering voice calling out

"WHO IS CHOPPING IN MY WOODS?"

>The girls jump at my shouting. I stand up in front of them, making myself look big and scary.

It was a troll that lived in the mountains. Taller than the trees, stronger than an army, and older than any tree in the entire kingdom.

<”Stronger than you, Uncle?”

>”Much stronger than me.”

Peter, white as a ghost, ran as fast as he could home. No way he could defeat the troll.

>>373574

So then it came to the second son, Paul. Now, Paul wasn't as strong as Peter, but he was much faster than him. Laughing at his older brother's tale, he picked up the axe, and headed out into the forest.

He too headed for the heart of the forest.

There, he too found a thick tree. But no sooner had he swung the axe a second time, when he too heard the thundering voice.

"WHO IS CHOPPING TREES IN MY WOODS?"

And like his brother, he ran for his life, axe in tow.

Thus it was up to the youngest son, Espen, to go out into the forest to chop wood. But Espen was neither strong nor particularly fast, he preferred spending his days poking in the ash in the fireplace. Thus he had been given the name Ashlad. He too headed out into the forest, axe and a single slice of bread with him in his rucksack. His brothers mocked him, but Ashlad didn't care much for it. He wasn't scared of trolls.

He as well headed to the heart of the forest, and surrounded by tall pine trees, he began to chop at the first and best tree he could find. But no sooner had he swung the axe three times, the troll appeared.

"WHO IS CHOPPING WOOD IN MY FOREST?" the troll called out. "It's just me," Ashlad hollered back. "We need wood we can sell, and with the gold we can buy food for the winter."

The troll growled. "NO MAN SHALL CHOP WOOD IN MY FOREST. I'LL EAT YOU ALIVE!" Ashlad responded by waving his father's axe at the troll. "And who's going to stop me? You, an old mosstone? Well, come on then, let's see what you can do! And once I'm done with you, I'll chop down the entire forest!"

The troll couldn't believe his own moss filled ears. Never before had anybody so boldly challenged him. Surely this small man must be of great strength and bravery if he could challenge someone as old and strong as him.

"I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT. TELL YOU WHAT, LITTLE MAN, I HAVE A CHEST FULL OF GOLD AND PRECIOUS STONES IN MY CAVE. WHY DON'T WE BET FOR IT?"

"A bet, you say? What kind of bet?" Ashlad enquired.

"LET US HAVE A CONTEST TO SEE WHO CAN EAT THE FASTEST," the troll explained. Ashlad thought about it for a minute, and nodded confidently. "Very well. But let me ride on your shoulder, so I don't leave you behind."

With that, the troll lifted Ashlad up on his broad, massive shoulder, and walked home. Ashlad was amazed at the view above the pinetrees. He could see all the way to the mountains in every direction. And soon, he spotted a massive oaken door in the mountain. The troll opened up the door and walked into his cave. The cave was well lit, with a massive stove, and a well to draw water. Nestled in a corner, Ashlad saw it. The chest, bigger than his house, filled to the brim with gold and jewels.

Over the lit stove hung a large cauldron, gruel bubbling within. "HMM. COULD YOU DRAW US SOME WATER, WHILE I WATCH THE GRUEL?" the troll asked, pointing at a pair of large wodden buckets sitting by the well. Now, there was no way Ashlad could lift those buckets meant for trolls, so instead, he said, "What, those tiny thimbles over there? Nah, I'd better just pull up the entire well."

"WHAT, NOO! YOU CAN'T PULL UP MY WELL, I NEED IT. YOU WATCH THE GRUEL, WHILE I DRAW WATER."

When the gruel was done, the two sat down by the table. "I HAVE MY SPOON, AND YOU HAVE YOURS," The troll laughed, pointing at Ashlad. "I DO BELIEVE VICTORY IS MINE." Ashlad snorted. "Don't say that, you old rock. I am quite the adept eater." On the count of three, they began to eat. Now, the troll was old, and had bad eyes, so he never noticed Ashlad smuggling gruel into his backpack, which he had placed upon his stomach.

>>373575

Once the backpack was full, Ashlad pulled out his pocketknife. “Ouf, I am so full,” he exclaimed, and cut a line in the backpack so the gruel poured out. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” the troll wondered. “I cut a hole in my stomach, so now I can eat without worry.” The troll began to worry that the little man might actually outeat him. Scratching his chin, he reached for his knife with a calloused hand. “WELL, IF YOU CAN DO IT, I SHOULD DO IT AS WELL.”

And the troll stabbed himself in the gut.

>I make a dramatic movement of stabbing myself in the belly, and carving it open. The audience gasps loudly

With the troll dead, Ashlad fixed his bag and filled both it and his pockets with as much gold as he could carry, and walked home. And there he lived happily ever after.

The End.

>”And now the little mice will go to sleep, yes?” Maybe next time, I’ll tell the one about the widowed fox. I’ll probably change the details around a little.

___

<"Nice story. A little… Unorthodox, I'd say,” Orda said as she poured me a cup of tea.

>"That was an old folktale, you don't get more orthodox than that," I drank greedily of the cup, refilling it as soon as I’m done.

>"We used to read tales like that all the time in The Order."

<"Let me guess, in order to learn how to combat monsters?"

>yes

>"Nah, we just happened to have a bunch of books like that. Worked wonders to put the younger boys to sleep,"

>liar

>She leans back into the chair, tucking her knees up against her tiny chest and wraps her tail around her ankles.

<"Thank you for helping me out with the girls again," she nursed her own cup of tea between her hands, a warm glow in her cheeks.

>The way she smiles is-

>I swallow the rest of the tea in large gulps before setting the cup down.

>"Thanks for the meal and the tea. I have to go now," I say, fixing my sleeves before sliding the gauntlets back on.

<"You sure you don't want to sleep over?" she asks. That tone, is that hopefulness?

>"Sorry, Orda, I'd love to, but I have some business to take care of tomorrow. Tests to correct, and I have to check up on a student. He lives somewhere between you and me, I think. Maybe I'll drop by on sunday."

>She smiles, but her tail goes a little limp.

<"You sure have your hands full, huh? Remnants from your paladin days?"

>"At this point in time, I'd go crazy if I didn't have anything to do," I say with a chuckle.

>Sitting down on the stone floor in the entryway, I drag my boots on and make sure they sit on right.

>For some reason Orda hugs me, resting her head on my back while I’m bent over.

<"I'm so glad I met you. I really owe you my life. My knight in shining armor~<3" She rubs her face into my back.

>She’s not sniffing me, is she?

>…

>"Are you hitting on me?"

>Face beet red, she jumps backwards.

<"No! No, nono, nothing like that! I just wanted to let you know how much I-" She waved her hands defensively in front of her, as if to physically deflect my accusation.

>"You have been thanking me for six years straight, Orda. I'm not as thick headed as a protagonist in some japanese comic series. It’s alright, I know I’m appreciated.”

<"That-that’s good. Ah-anyway, have a safe trip home. Sweet dreams!"

>"Yeah. Good night, Orda."

>I close the door firmly behind me, and hear the lock click shut.

>What the fuck just happened there??

>>373576

<Orda stared longingly at the door, biting her lower lip.

<”You fucking idiot, Orda, you stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID-” With a huff, she covered her face with her hands and groaned.

<”Don’t ruin six years of friendship just because you’re a little horny…” With that, she decided to take a long, cold shower before going early to bed herself.

<Up in the night sky, an almost full moon peeked out from behind dark clouds.

___________

"So here’s the Paladin I heard so much about. The tests came out positive?"

"Yeah, no doubt. We have confirmed that he possesses supernatural abilities. Mostly a form of, uuh, 'hyper-regeneration' in terms of supernatural, which he can also transfer onto others. We know from the reports and the tests conducted that he can heal anything from ruptured organs to missing limbs. Brain too, which is impressive to say the least. His natural strength is nothing to scoff at either."

"His reaction time is on par with that of highly trained martial artists. We had him wrestle with some security, and he overpowered every single one of them. He seems to use a form of aikido, mostly throws and grapples. I highly doubt he even knows what aikido even is.”

"Even Jira lost?"

"Jira was actually the one putting up the most resistance, but he sent her flying."

"Impressive. I wasn't aware non-incubi were even capable of such. What is Dr. Grelia's opinion?"

"Dr. Grelia is- mmmh."

"Is what?"

"I don't like saying this, but she is interested in him. Obsessively so."

"She has been practically begging us to hand him over. Seems she want to put him to work in a hospital."

"…………… Rehabilitation? Makes sense. Grelia's Sabbath specialise in healing physical and mental ailments. Having a more or less literal Jesus figure working you would do wonders for them. I wonder if he can cure cancer."

"…"

"Why is she so interested in a monster killer? She flew all the way from the US, for a murderer?"

"I don't think he's a murderer. He doesn't smell like one."

"… I'm sorry? Is this another one of those monster sense things?"

"In short, yes. What I want to know is what made him choose to give up so easily. He could have slaughtered everyone in that camp. Instead he gets perforated, and gives himself up. Those kinds of powers, almost a miracle."

"Miracle? Oh come on, he's a murderer! There is nothing miraculous about that."

"He refused to answer any questions about The Order?"

"Don't ignore me!"

"Not a word. He just clams up whenever we ask him. Why don't we let a mindflayer poke at him?"

"Andrew! Are you mad?? What, am I gonna start asking a 'flayer to poke around in your brain just because you don't want to talk about your honeymoon?"

"My honeymoon and The Order are two completely- hey."

"What?"

"What is he doing?"

“He sure is moving a lot. Does he itch somewhere?”

"…"

"…OH MY GOD!"

"Security, we have a breakout in Cell B-5, we need immediate backup!"

"Don't worry, the door is reinforced, he won't be able to-"

"But you didn't reinforce the windows?! You idiots!"

“Taggart, run!”

“Ma’am, this way! Oh my god, Andrew, be careful!”

"Freeze! Don’t make any sudden moves or I will shoot- Woah! Heyheyhey! L-let go, dammit!"

BANG

First off, thanks for bringing us more about the ongoing adventures of one of our favorite paladins and teachers, paladin anon.

Second,

>>360061

>A wizard in the first installment mentioned an "Independence War".

>>373574

>Paladin Teacher said that there were less than 2 billion people on the planet.

(Not to mention glimpses of more advanced technology like the cybernetic foot and Paladin Teacher's real (prohibited) weapons and armor.)

I'd be fascinated to learn more about the world building you hint at every now and then, even if it is only in the form of notes after an installment of the story is over. Things like approximately when, why, and how the portals opened, how many years from that point does this story takes place, the major events that took place between present day earth and now, where exactly the monster girls came from, and what happened to where they came from.

But that said, I know details like that are probably not what anyone is here for and that our favorite paladin is the main draw, so do with those questions what you will.

Slight update

Sorry for the long wait, I slipped and hurt my foot the other day really bad. We're talking intense pain and a fucking cast. I've been bedridden since Sunday, and have just been in a bad mood overall. Been tapping away all of today on my phone, making some progress on the story. Should have at least something small tomorrow. Deepest apologies for the wait. Really ironic, considering I just recently posted about the janitor with a cybernetic foot. God bless.

>>373737

Nice numbers. I'm glad someone is finally catching on.

>>373578

“The National Builder’s Contest held in Denmark was won by ten year old Salmer Fjell. Just look at that smile, that’s a boy who loves what he’s doing.”

“He’s so cute~”

“In our last news story today, we can inform that the Sahara desert has shrunk by ‘’another’’ 8%!”

“Eight per cent? That’s amazing!”

“Yup, yup! We are looking at a greener and healthier planet every day. In fact, ocean pollution is at an alltime low as well.”

“My seafaring friends say the same. It’s so wonderful to know they can swim freely without having to worry about some nasty stuff getting in their gills.”

>The radio hosts chatter on in their usual lively manner while I pour myself a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

“That was it for our news segment, sourced from MNN. And now it is time for our daily superpopular segment, Letters from the Audience!”

“Yaay.”

“Our first letter today is from penname Vast_Outback, from Australia. Wow, from Australia? I’ve always wanted to go there with my hubby!”

“I actually visited the Red Rock during my honeymoon.”

“You did, didn't you? The letter reads, Dear Remilia and Anna, thank you so much for your daily show. As a nightguard in the Rider Regiment, it can get a little lonely here, so I always tune in to your station over there in the US. Keep up the good work, and thanks for keeping me company in the night! Best regards, Vast_Outback, third Australian Rider Regiment. Oh wow, he’s a Rider? That’s really cool! Those mechs are awesome.”

“Wasn’t there an old, like really old, tv-show featuring those kinds of transformative robots? Our next letter is from Gyaru Youko. @Anna+Remi, hiyall, how r u doin? I just graduated from Uni, and this goes out to all my BFFS, best of luck and happy marriages! Congratulations on graduating, Gyaru Youko. Remember to always treasure those times, both happy and hard.”

“I still remember my time at Uni, it was pretty stressful, but that’s where I got into radio! Our third letter is from Pumpkinpie, from New York. He writes, Dear Anna and Remilia, I’m a big fan of you two, especially your joke segments on friday evenings. Since I’m going back to my family in Butcher County in Great Britain to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve, I figured I’d add a little joke of my own. …Oh dear god, are you ready for this, Anna?”

“I’m ready to laugh!”

“What do you call an alcoholic skeleton?”

“I don’t know.”

“Beer bones!”

“. . .Oh my fPIIIPg god.”

“Ahahahahahaaaa! That’s a great reaction. Aaah. Well, it’s time for a break. This is rising German superstar, Rudolf Engel, with his hit single Crestfallen. This goes out to all the lovely angels and valkyries out there!”

>Today’s breakfast consists of six eggs, 200 grams of bacon (lightly peppered), 8 pieces of toasted bread (whole grain), some apple jam, a small bowl of rice porridge, one can of tomato beans, 4 large oranges squeezed into juice, and a sensible salad I grew myself.

>A small greenhouse is positioned on a table near the window, where I grow my own vegetables.

>Mostly a tomato stalk and a lettuce, but I want to get another for potatoes.

>Moved to a new appartment two years ago. It’s bigger than the last one by a long shot.

>Actually, it’s more like a house, with two floors and a large balcony.

>I had a grill out on the balcony, but moved it to storage due to the season.

>I actually like this place a lot better than the last one.

>The best part is that I actually own it.

>No more police, either. You have no idea how good it is to be off the watchlists.

>Everything feels a lot more relaxed these days.

>I kind of want to get a dog. A big fluffy one.

>I wonder what I should get Orda for christmas.

>Maybe a dress?

>I take my time eating, it’s saturday after all.

>>374019

“Remember to prepare for the full moon tomorrow. It’s gonna be a blast, what with the clear weather and everything. That said, we are looking at heavy rain storms coming tuesday.”

>Oh boy, I might actually have to take the bus. You don’t mess with rainstorms.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, now it’s time for goodbye for now. Me and Anna will be back tomorrow at the usual time.”

“Don’t fret, we will always be here to keep you company in the early morning hours. From 6AM to 8AM on weekdays…”

“And 8AM to 10AM on weekends! Here is The Playground with their smash hit Big Brother. We are Remilia the Ratatoskr-”

“And Anna the Arachne.”

“Take care!”

“Piisu, piisu!”

>The radio starts blaring some heavy metal song about young girls girls being deflowered by their lover so I just switch channel. The text really isn’t my thing.

“-anniversary of General Christian Sunngaard, who died at the age of 9-”

>Come on, gotta be something good here, right?

“-or a stressless shedding-”

“Come on down to Big Alp’s Gym-”

“Without compromise, the new-”

“[Literal dog barking]”

“Papi Auxo’s Mangos, the best in all of Mexico!”

“-a relaxing bath in the hotsprings? We offer private hotsprings for you and your beloved, if preferred. Enjoy a true oriental experience at-”

>Fucking radio advertisements!

“ZZzzt-olice have increased security around the hearing this coming monday in response to threats issued earlier this week. Politicians world over have shown increasing concern for isolated frontier villages, following the rise of the terrorist group known as The Order. The Order’s followers, known only as Paladins, operates under an extreme anti-mamono dogma. Several Crusader groups have been investigated in order to find clues that could lead to the eventual capture and arrest of so called ‘’Paladins’’, but the investigations have not yielded satisfactory results so far. With winter soon approaching, meteorologists are suspecting heavy snowfalls, which will cut frontiers off from more civilized pockets.”

>Fucking hell.

>Fine, let’s listen to some classic music instead.

>At least that never goes out of fashion.

>After breakfast, I clean up and head out.

>Justin lives a while away.

>The roads are wet from the morning shower, so I have to be careful not to slip. The days are getting colder as well. Could be ice on the roads soon.

>On the way I pass by a group of larpers.

>Three guys dressed up in gambesons and helmets.

>One of them, carrying a mace on his hip, has a tan elf woman clinging to his arm, laughing at some joke one of them made. She has a simple gold band around her left ring finger.

“Hail, battlebrother!” one of the men calls me as I pass them, and I greet them in return. They seem friendly enough.

>Stopping by a crosswalk, I help an old owlmage over the road.

>She hoots happily at me and waddles off once we’ve crossed safely.

>There aren’t that many cars around anymore, and if you look for it, you can find abandoned cities and villages all over the world.

>I’m prettt sure there are more busses and taxis than cars.

>Most have the sense to stay out of ghosttowns, but more adventourous men and mamono often go traveling to these abadoned cities.

>Sometimes you’ll read about how someone got hurt on an amateur expedition, or worse…

>We used to hide in them all the time.

>Once, while chasing a group of goblins, we hid in an old tower in the Russian flatlands. Took them out with a rifle at about 200 meters. Mostly flat land, so they couldn’t really hide.

>I shake the memory out of my head and focus on the now. The playground is up ahead.

>>374020

“Hey, hey, big brother! Come play with us.” A young harpy flies next to me as I pass the playground, flying at the same speed as me.

>”Sorry to disappoint, Nugget, but I prefer older women,” I tell the harpy, who pouts.

“Please play with me, Onii-chan.”

>”I’m old enough to be your grandfather. Go play with someone else.” She flies off with a grumpy look on her small face, probably going to complain to her parents or something.

>It’s one of those Sabbath playgrounds, protected from rain by a thin magical barrier. The baphs keep making all sorts of apparatuses and then throwing them away, not caring in the slightest about all the mana they use, or create.

>Obviously I avoid that place like the plague.

>I really don’t agree with their outlook on life, little kids should be playing and having fun, not… doing that. But that’s monsters for you.

>Besides, She would be disappointed as well.

>At least the boys clean up after themselves.

>>374020

You can make a quick thumbnail sketch of your setting (with winking references) engaging. I'm impressed.

Enjoy this side story I wrote. Just to world build a little more. Leg's still hurting, but it's not enough to stop me from writing.

>>374074

You make me blush, thanks. I'll be sharing some more tidbits as the story goes on.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

>>374021

>Justin lived in a block with many smaller, pre-war houses, a very popular district for older couples and upstart families. Not that getting a house, or plot of land, is particularly difficult these days.

>I found his house soon enough. Blue paint, old and weathered, with white window sills.

>I pressed the doorbell a couple of times, and waited.

>And waited.

>And waited

>Rang the bell again.

>Waited

>Finally, some movement. I guess he was still sleeping.

>The door opened.

“Who the fuck are you?”

>Who the fuck are you??

>The one answering the door wasn’t Justin at all, but some other fucker! He was thin, effeminate, but clearly a boy, with a cigarette in his mouth (really unpopular these days, usually dealt through unsanctioned channels, but not illegal to own or use). His hair was dyed green as well, but he had a side shave instead of a mohawk. And how many fucking piercings do you need for your ears?!

>”I’m looking for Justin Cavenditch. Is he home?” I ask, remaining polite.

“No, he lives in Gofuckyourselfistan, it’s up your ass, can’t miss it,” With that, the stranger took out his cigarette and flicked it at my helmet. I didn’t even flinch as it hit the metal.

>He was wearing sports clothes, like a lazy slav who drinks too much vodka. Unkempt hair, smelled weird too. Like he hadn’t washed himself in a day or two.

>The boy made motion to close the door, so I delivered a hard kick right at edge, sending it flying open before he could react.

>”Sorry for intruding,” I said while entering. This enraged the boy, obviously.

“The fuck you doing, you fucking larper?!” And then he struck me in the chest, yelling loudly in pain when his fist connected with the metal rings beneath. I had to stifle a laughter, so funny.

>”You hit like a girl.”

>The entryway was sparsely decorated, mostly clothes hung up on bars and only two picture frames on the walls. Some shoes, the box of a powertool propped up against the wall, a school bag. There’s a scent of chemicals in the air.

“Austin! What’s going on?” Ah, the man of the hour.

“Mr. Paladin? What the fuck are you doing here?” Justin asked as he shifted his gaze from me to his friend(?) Austin and back to me again.

>”I’m here to check up on you. Who’s this fucker?” I pointed at Austin with my thumb, who was clutching his hand and swearing loudly, as if that would make the pain go away.

“That’s… Austin. My older brother.” Justin was wearing some plain jeans and a white t-shirt, his left arm bandaged up from his wrist. He hadn’t fixed his hair, so it mostly hung limp across the left side of his head. Still looks fucking weird.

>Bug Laika, Justin’s kobold girlfriend, told me he didn't want to see his family. Hmm…

>Let’s try something.

>I approached Justin and patted him on the shoulder.

>”Invite me inside so we can have a nice little chat. I need to talk with you.”

“Out-fucking-side!”

>”Shut up, Austin, go sit in the corner.”

“Fuck you.”

>”Fuck you.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“Teacher! Outside, please?” Justin seemed increasingly distressed. He hurried over to a pair of shoes by the entrance and put them on. Before we walked outside, he put on a thick jacket. Good idea, it was getting colder. Especially this early.

>We say down on a bench on the sidewalk. It really was a nice neighbourhood. I wonder what it looks like during the summer.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” he asked, his hands in his pocket and a worried look on his face. Why was he so defensive?

>”I wanted to see if everything was alright with you.”

“Well, everything is alright. So you can go.”

>”And your arm?”

“My arm? What about it?”

>”Does it still hurt?”

“Yes, I burnt myself with hot wat…er…” He had this confused expression on his face, staring down at his arm. Like something was wrong, or missing.

>>374357

>Slowly, he undid his jacket, and pulled out his left arm, unwrapping the bandage.

“What the fuck…” Yes, people tend to react with disbelief when I do my usual tricks for the first time.

>”No more cigarette burns. Is your brother hurting you?” I asked seriously, but Justin dismissed me completely.

“How did you… How did you know about the burns? Are you spying on me?”

>”Your girlfriend, Laika, told me. She’s worried sick about you.”

“Laika? God dammit!” He didn’t shout, in fact he was keeping his voice down. “I told her to not tell anyone. That dumb bitch.” Well, on a principal level, he’s not wrong. Laika is a bitch, a female dog.

>”She’s not a bitch. She cares deeply for you.” I told him. “She told me because she’s worried. She’s willing to risk your anger for your own safety. She loves you.”

>Justin was quiet, weighing his options.

“How did I do on the test?” he asked, breaking the silence.

>”Not too bad actually. Your grammar is good, and so is your grasp on history. You got a B.” He gave me a little smile at that.

>”Justin, you’re a bright kid. So why are you letting Austin prick over there bully you?”

“Austin is family. Not that I like him or my parents very much, but I still have a sense of obligation towards him, in a moment of weakness.”

>”What do you mean?”

“I…” He sighs, looking down the street as if he was waiting for the bus. “My family, no, my entire community, is very anti-monster. The kind of people you don’t want to be around. I moved here to escape that, because I don’t want to be like them.”

>”Jesus. Where are you from, Texas?”

“Yeah, that small part right at the intersection between Oklahoma and Arkansas that everybody tells you to stay away from. With good reason. I grew up with some of the shittiest parents you can imagine. But hey, great view. I could see all the way to California, Thor always looming in the distance. I often wish they would just fire a round at us and obliterate the entire place.”

>”Do you want to tell me what made you decide to run away?”

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?”

>I smiled, but he couldn’t see that, obviously.

>”As long as you come to school on monday without any damages. I see as much as one scratch on you, I’m going straight to your house to beat the shit out of your brother.”

Justin gave a small laugh, his cheeks having gained some color against the cold autumn air.

“Alright, since you asked so nicely,” he had a slightly cheeky smile now. He leaned back, hands in his pockets, recalling.

“So I grew up in a really anti-monster, pro-human settlement, one of… five human only settlements in the world, I think? There was me, mom, dad, and of course, Austin. Austin and I weren’t exactly friends, but we didn’t hate each other either. Mom and dad always ranted about how evil monsters were. It’s a self sufficient community. Everything we ate, we had grown ourselves. Anti-ma had a foothold in our community, so it was only natural me and Austin would be somewhat influenced by it. Really just propaganda and indoctrination. Believe it or not, I had more hair when I ran away from home than I do now.” He jokingly points at his head.

>”I genuinely can’t imagine you without a mohawk,” I told him, and we shared a small laugh.

>>374359

“There was this one family that moved into our street a couple of years ago. Holstaurs, father, mother, daughter. Didn’t take long before things went up shit creek. It all became crystal clear for me when the kid next door, four or five year old boy named Kevin Southern if I recall correctly, (I’d sometimes babysit him for his parents), tried to make friends with the holst-daughter.” Justin’s face grew dark. “His mother beat him so badly the entire neighbourhood heard it. I thought to myself, I don’t want to live like this! So I packed my shit and ran off that very night.” He pauses, looking up at a plane high up in the sky.

“There was a lightning strike that night. Just one. I was maybe six or seven kilometers away, driving my scooter. Never seen anything so bright before. Flash. Boom. Crashing down. I kind of hoped it hit my house, but with my brother here, I guess it didn’t. That was two years ago. I jumped on a train, and after some trainsurfing, I settled down here. I rent the house from a kikimora, work a part time job at the mall to pay for it. It’s cosy and I like it.”

“But a little over a month ago, my brother shows up at the door. Asks if he can crash here for a night or two. As I said, moment of weakness, because I said yes. He looked miserable, like something really bad had happened, eyes red and dark bags, scratched all over. He’s been… Fuck it, let’s be honest, he’s been leeching off of me ever since, the lazy bum.”

>”How did he find you?”

“Looked me up in the yellow pages or something, I dunnow. Fucking sick of him.”

>”Want me to call the cops?”

>My student gave me a sideways glance, chewing on the inside of his chin. I guess he really wanted to say yes.

“No. I can deal with this myself. If I don’t, can I really call myself independent?”

>Strong words. I am glad I get to experience this side of Justin.

>”You’re a good man, Justin. Look, I won't bother you any more today, but I am serious about the whole help you business. Seek me out if anything happens." I unlocked my bike and got on it.

>"And for god's sake, make up with Laika. It breaks my heart seeing such a sweet girl have to worry for her lover," I added.

"For a crusader, you sure care a lot about monsters."

>"Honestly, monsters aren't so bad once you get to know them. They've mellowed out since they arrived," I scrathed my chin. "I think most crusaders only want to live more conservatively. Maybe being part of some old order helps them cope with the rapid changes in society."

"I wish The Order did the same. I'll be honest, I fear for Laika's life."

>"Then you must go and protect her. Well, take care. Catch you on monday."

"Sure thing, teach. Safe trip home."

>>374360

>The second time they stick it in you, and god forbid you ever need it a second time, it fills your heart with ice.

>The coldest ice imaginable, filling every corner of your heart.

>And it still hurts enough to make a hardened veteran cry.

>Of course, it didn’t stick to me.

>There never was a third time.

>Instead, they subjected me to a training regiment.

>Perhaps it would be closer to calling it torture.

>I wonder what the original twelve were thinking to create such methods.

>All I know is, the only way to remove it is to cut it out, and live through the pain.

>Poor bastards.

<Orda checked her shopping list again, tapping the paper with a pen as she read each point.

<Soap, shampoo, conditioner, bath salts, underwear, perfume, apples, cheese, and various other items were crossed out.

<The day before full moons were always hectic. Some wizards jokingly called it “the most dangerous time of the month”.

<Orda just saw it as very stressful. Like something was missing from her own experience.

<Well, of course there was, but it wasn’t something she really wanted to think about.

<People fluttered back and forth in the busy mall, going from store to store. Stocking up on food and browsing luxuries. Chatting, holding hands.

“Honey, which do you think look better?”

“I can’t wait for that steak dinner tomorrow.”

“I should get my darling a new grimoire. He has almost filled out a new one.”

“Babe, you should try this dress on.”

“How many kids this time, Master?<3”

<Her daughters followed behind her, each one holding onto her tail with their little hands.

<A nice and orderly line. They passed a duck harpy with her own conga line, the mothers exchanging knowing smiles.

“Mommy, mommy! Can I go visit Uncle’s shop?” Roche asked and pointed at store run by a dwarf and a cyclops. The storefront was lined with decorative armors and weapons.

<Ye Olde Blacksmith, the sign said. Paladin had mentioned it a few times that their quality was quite high. One of the helmets displayed even did remind Orda of him, similar design.

<”Not today, Roche. I’ll take you there next time, alright?” She caressed the brown hair atop her daughter’s head. “He really rubbed off on you, huh? Do you want to dress up like Uncle?” Roche nodded. Uncle Paladin was her hero.

<”Maybe when you have saved up enough money, you can look just like him. But don’t skimp on your training.”

“I won’t!” Roche was such an energetic ball of sunshine and positivity.

“Mommy, that man…” Jarla tugged on Orda’s tail, looking nervous.

>”Hmm? What’s wrong, Jarla?”

“Orda.”

>>374670

<Her head snapped in the direction of the voice that had just called her name, her ears standing up. She recognized that voice! A man in his now early thirties, with brown hair and a pair of round glasses on the bridge of his nose. He was lanky, a lot taller than her (well, everybody was, really), slightly bent over. His face was clean shaven, smooth. He looked healthy.

<”Richard…?” She couldn’t believe her own eyes and ears. It really was him. Her ex-boyfriend.

“Orda, it really is you!” The man squatted down and held out his arms. “I saw you over here and I thought, no way, that can’t be her. But it is you! I’m so glad I fo-”

SLAP

<The sound of her open hand striking Richard’s cheek caused many a passerby to turn their heads.

<Orda stood there, shivering with anger, her face was twisted in a disgusted frown.

<”Get away from me, you son of a bitch,” she hissed, her voice dripping with proverbial poison. Richard, having fallen back, stared at her confused. His glasses hung from one ear, and he was rubbing his cheek where she had hit him. Jarla, Etivaz and the rest huddled together behind their mother. When had they ever seen their mother in such a state?

<He had grown older, but the scent of his spirit and mannerism were the same.

<Orda’s belly twisted with a mixture of anger and pain as the memories of betrayal resurfaced in her mind.

“O-Orda? What in the world… I just wanted to say hello. We haven’t even seen each other in-”

<“Six. Years. So I pray to god, if I ever have to see you again, it will be too soon.” She turned, urging her daughters to follow.

“Orda!” Richard adjusted his glasses and got up, swiftly overtaking her pace. “Please just let me explain. It’s not what you think. I just wanted to see you, and our daughters. That time at the bar-”

<”Our daughters? Really? Gods, you are disgusting. Get away from me.” She couldn’t believe it. The audacity of this man.

“Mommy, I’m scared,” Etivaz whimpered, so Orda picked her up and quickened her pace. She spotted a manticore wearing a security uniform. Her salvation.

“Orda, please! Come on, I just want to talk.”

<”Security! Security, over here!” Orda waved at the manticore, who thankfully spotted her.

“What’s the matter, ma’am?” the manticore asked, a friendly smile on her face.

<”I need you to get this man away from me. He’s scaring my daughters.” Richard rolled his eyes with a sigh.

“My girlfriend’s just being hysterical, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. I wanted to see our daughters.”

<”Oh, you sick, emotionally manipulating…”

“Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” the manticore said courtly, straightening her back. She was shorter than Richard by a few inches, but looked far tougher and stronger than him. Orda took some solace in that. Actually, he really was on the short side for a man. Paladin would be towering over both of them by at least a head.

“I just want to talk to my girlfriend,” he repeated, but yelped when the manticore started growling at him. “Orda, can’t we talk about this?”

<”Go away. I don’t want to see you ever again.” The security officer guided Richard away, a paw on his shoulder. Orda could feel this was going to turn into a really shitty full moon.

>>374671

Justin watched his teacher cycle away, wondering how he was going to word his displeasure to his brother. Letting out a loud 'hmm', he stood on the step in front of the door, rubbing his chin. Sounds behind the door caused him to look up, and the door opened. Austin was dressed to go out, a thick jacket zipped up.

"Outta my way," he said, pushing his younger brother away, though Justin was already stepping aside. "So when are you coming back?" the younger brother asked.

"Dunnow. Gonna see if I can look for a job or something. Got the key, so just lock the door, ok?" Austin responded in his usual, half-bored, half-angry tone. Justin could only respond with a low 'Oh'. Perhaps his brother could finally come around.

>As I was pedaling home on my bike, I come across a pair of people I hadn’t expected to see.

>I rang my bell and stopped next to them, skidding slightly on the moist pavement.

“Master! It’s been ages!”

“How good to see you again, Sensei.”

>It’s Squire and his wife, the Japanese centaur. Her silky black hair is set up in a bun and she’s wearing a yellow raincoat, while Squire has grown a proper beard, his hair as brown as fertile soil. He had a red and black umbrella tucked under his arm.

>”Hello yourself. Quite the surprise to see you two again. How is it going at the academy, Gabriel?” A firm handshake told me he hadn't been skipping out on his training.

>Gabriel, aka Squire, smiles, squeezing his wife’s hand.

“It’s going great. I’m graduating next year. Hard work, but if I couldn't make it, I'd be something of a disgrace, now wouldn't I?”

>”That’s great to hear. I hope I can make it for the ceremony. So what are you two doing here? Shouldn’t you be home preparing for tomorrow?”

Gabriel chuckled, pointing at the centaur. “We did all the preparations weeks ago. Satsuki is very diligent about being on time for the moon. Right, honey?” Satsuki, the centaur, blushed at her husband’s praise, wiping away some stray hairs from her forehead. “And how have you been lately, Sensei?” she asked, turning to me. I think her eyelashes got longer.

>”I’ve been busy teaching. It’s a good job for me. Nice to mingle with the students as well.”

“Do they still call you the Iron Hand Teacher?” Gabriel asked.

>”Nobody has ever called me that.”

“Ah, maybe it was just our year, then. Fufufu~ Sensei is such a strange man, I can never quite read his face.” Satsuki giggled like she was back in school again. Yeah, yeah, funny joke, gluebag.

>”Says the girl who confessed to me, and tried to win me over by being a copycat. Not that that lasted long. Speaking of, there’s something that’s been bothering me for a while now… Why do you keep calling me ‘sensei’?”

“Why…?” Satsuki put a finger to her chin, thinking. “Sensei will always be sensei.” Some answer that.

>"I'm not your teacher anymore, and we're not in Japan, so stop calling me that." I pointed an accusing finger at Satsuki to underline my point.

"No need to be so embarrassed about it, 'Sensei'."

>"SHUT YOUR TRAP AND GO PUT A CHILD IN YOUR WIFE, SQUIRE!"

“Hey! I thought I graduated to a full knight after high school! And besides, we already have a daughter.”

>”I take that back! Talking like that to your master, you are not worthy of the title of knight!”

“So you ARE embarrassed at being called sensei!”

>”Any sane non-Japanese person would be embarrassed at that! ‘Sensei, sensei’, it sounds like some goddamn soap opera being sent on midday tv, the time when the least amount of people watch tv!”

“You don’t even watch tv!”

>>375511

>”Hey, I watch nature documentaries. Very educational. And the occasional lecture from scientists.” Gabriel sighed loudly at my statement, as if it troubled him on a personal level.

“You are a teacher through and through, whether you realize it or not, Master.”

>”Hmpfh!” I puffed out my chest proudly. “I’ve been doing this job for nearly 9 years now! I’d almost say I was born for it! Hahaha! Tremble before me, children, you who hunger for knowledge! The meanest teacher in the world is here to stay!”

“And yet, I have never once seen your face.” Well, of course not. That would make me vulnerable to a succubi's charm spell. This armor isn't just for show, you know.

“Ah, but Aria did once!”

>Oh, right, the jinko. She became sort of infatuated with me after our fight, but last I heard, she had moved to Australia.

“She never told me what he looked like, but I do remember her stalking after Master all the time.” Gabriel was taking a walk down memory lane now, no doubt.

>”It’s fine, it’s fine. It was just a helmet. You guys know me, I wouldn’t die even if I was killed.” Surprisingly true that. I glanced at my watch. It was time for lunch.

>"Look, it's lovely seeing you two again, but I have to run. I don't want to be caught out in the open when it gets dark." We said our goodbyes and parted ways.

“Sensei is a very strange man.” Satsuki concluded, her ears twitching as small raindrops fell on them. Gabriel opened his umbrella, holding it above their heads, and the two watched the knight disappear around a corner.

- Question: Has there ever been a case where a monster/man couple has not connected, despite spending a significant amount of time together, and maybe even engaging in sexual activities?

- Answer: Yes, there have been such cases in the past

- Follow-up: What do you theorise can cause this?

- Answer: Underlying issues in the man, abuse from both sides, and general incompatability. Let me explain: 1. Monsters can generally sense strong feelings and emotions in a man, like, say, bloodlust, happiness, or depression, simply by looking at his mana. We always warn girls about men who kill with glee. We are rather terrible at reading apathy and high-functioning socipathy.

2. Abuse, both the feeling of abuse, and actual abuse fall under this category. Actual abuse is extremely rare in men married to monsters, but it has happened. The feeling of abuse is a bit more prevalent, but less so these days. I have had a couple of patients who have run away from their abusers, monsters that simply didn't know better. I remember a patient who got very hysterical when we wanted to take a blood sample; he was deathly afraid of needles, having suffered under a manticore who was, frankly, negligent in her treatment of him. A younger manticore, I should add. She didn't have any parents, so manners were lacking. There have been other cases like that too, such as a man who suffered braindamage from a rather… obsessed shirohebi.

It's easier to read your man now, thanks to ambient mana, but back when the portals just opened? Complete hell on earth for some.

3. Monstergirls generally shape their mana to suit their chosen mate, but in some cases, this can take time. A long time. There are various factors, such as ambient mana or demonic energy in the area, the man's prefrence in comparison to the girl, and even their attitude towards each other. It can breed contempt. Rare, but it happens. One wight I met had mothered a child, but she just couldn't connect with her husband over it. She loved the child, but felt nothing for him. It was a rather tragic affair. But that was ages ago.

Excerpt from an interview with Dr. Grelia, 2062

>>375515

>Sunday: not much to report. Same old chaos, handholding and struggle cuddles.

>I kept to myself in my apartment, corrected the remaining test and worked out. I usually don’t venture out during full moons, and night time would be suicide.

>Monster’s urges are so much stronger when the moon is full.

>Speaking of urges…

>Opening my wardrobe, I pull out my armor, the real stuff.

>My blacksmith buddy fixed it for me.

>Quite the conversation we had.

He stood up and ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this? Nano-weave with runic infusion and prayer engravings? What is this layer here, is that silver? Blessed silver? Oh my god, the rivets are cold-iron. Against fae, of course. How many levels of protection is there here? Who the fuck thinks of this stuff? This is some next level bullshit, I don’t even know where to start. And you want me to fix it??” He glared at me, my blacksmith buddy's annoyance reflected in his pale blue eyes. His skin is tan and leathery from hours and hours in front of a forge, his hands strong and calloused from swinging all sorts of hammers and operating various kinds of heavy machinery. The thick beard is stained with oil and small pieces of metal shavings. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was a tall dwarf.

>”[Mind] had some crazy ideas. You’re the only one I know who can even try.”

“Paladin, I’m a blacksmith, not a damn scientist! I’d need a laboratory to fix this armor of yours.”

>”Please try at least.” I urged him, not wanting to give it up so soon. It meant something to me, after all.

“This will cost you. I like having a job, but this is some damn CERN levels of engineering. What happened?”

>”Sledgehammer with a sharpened point swung by a man who had mated with an orc. Pure strength. Killed her too, so he was dedicated to his cause. They were attempting bloodmagic, needed an infant. I was also sloppy, so I blame myself partially.”

“Going to such lengths… And the mouse girl?”

>”Better than ever, safe and sound.”

“Good! I would have kicked you in the shin if she wasn’t.” He gave me a light punch in the shoulder. I noticed his cyclops wife peeking at us from the kitchen window.

>”I know. I have been very lucky. Almost blessed even. My students, you, Orda… I’m happy, surprisingly.” Thinking about the entire situation made me sound melancholic.

“Fine, I’ll do it, but it will be expensive, and take time, since I don’t have the blueprints. I have to call in some favours too, but they would kill to study this. You mind?”

>”Just don’t go spread the word. I try to keep a low profile.”

“Well, you fucked that up. You were all over the news last month." He laughed sarcasticly. "‘Knight in shining armor saves the day’, ‘Vigilante Crusader’, and my personal favourite, ‘Tincan asshole larper goes free from murder of thirteen human lives’.”

>”Where did you read that last one? Sounds funny.”

“HFY.com. It’s a propaganda site of the worst caliber. Their articles are hilariously bad. Hey, don't feel to bad about it. There's always gonna be assholes, regardless of wether they have extra bits or not.”

>"Why are you trying to cheer me up? We both know I'm an asshole."

"Go get fucked already, will you? Christ, you're one sad virgin."

>"Nothing wrong with being a virgin, you old cuck."

"Pffh, with that attitude, you'll alp sooner than you can say 'battlebrother'."

>"Dude, low blow. Nothing wrong with an army man."

>I slip the armor on, testing it.

>It’s heavier. I have lost some mobility as well. They couldn’t replicate the nano-weave, so they had to make do with different materials for replacements.

>The helmet sits on just right with a snug fit.

>I used to spend days in this at a time. Sneaking among ruins of civilization, hunting down monsters, doding mass graves.

>Always a sight when a recruit would step on a hundred year old skull for the first time.

>My unit was messed up. I hope I never have to see any of them ever again.

>I hope Orda is alright. Full moons tend to take a toll on her.

>Why did she never look for her ex in the past six years?

>My little introspective moment gets interrupted when my phone rings. It’s Orda.

>I pull off my helmet and pick it up.

>”Hey, Orda. Trouble with the kids again?” I say jokingly, expecting no real laughter in return.

>It’s silent for a moment, although I can hear her breathing.

<”No, nothing. Sorry, pal, I called the wrong number. I meant to call Petra.”

>She hangs up before I can say anything.

>That’s weird, she has never done that before.

>I put my armor away, then call her back.

>>360598

>no, this one has six

Oh my lord lmao

>>360598

o holy fuck this is like the monomyth. it's the rebirth part

>>359470

>dat subtle lorka and thomas reference

I'm glad they are happy, I wonder how their kids are I wonder how the author is