Ernest: Given to a Rhode Island orphanage, by the NYPD, from Charlebois and Sons, lumber slavery of military cadets. Learned to eat Cheese Waffies, a Wise Snacks, to avoid dentists. Founded Attleboro Carpet, all the casino carpet you needed; from Quebec, to New Jersey.
Gene: Lead riff creator, "La Bamba", "the car", as "Ritchie Valens", "butt heart". Dead in an aircraft accident, arranged by lesbian between two men, "Chasing Amy"; promised Buddy Holly, his fear of flying, would be solved, by a coin toss. Advice of comics writer, future bride to James Marston.
Jake: Adopted of Escobar infants, pie man's line; calculation of the pastry, as rape, if offering in own house; dozens of arrest per month, of Jews, having offered circumference radius, not diameter, as pie; refusal to throw slice of pie in the trash, offending China, and Chinese women's morals; nuclear threat phrase, "waste not want not".
Raymond: Only heterosexual Marine, with only heterosexual Admiral, Charlebois and Nimitz, in Pacific Theater. Chisel wrench, renamed screw wrench, Ray ruled as "anti-Semite", "French", despite being Arab-Afghan, after war; Hayes family verdict, Amish of Palestine to be murdered, to prevent Swedish converts to Judaism, Sondercommando and Unitarians, Vikings and Totenkopf, from taking over Middle East.
Eddie: National Coalition for Sexual Freedom author, having sought to stop Nigerian elements of family, HIV, with centrifuge sales, and different dominatrix guides, mutual masturbation and phone sex, as alternative to abstinence; certainty of blood tests, medical record, before having sex with Canadians; Underground Railroad, having betrayed, for Wayne Brady.
Chip: Standup comedian, State Trooper, and Trivia Night connossieur, of caracitures, bar meals and Keno, for captures of Gypsy, having cheated through Pashas, the capture of KGB agents.
Ted: Solicitor on Percival's Quest, to clear Gavrilo Princeps of World War 1, spouse of grandfather Ernest, to place war in direct hands of police officers, "entangling treaters". Inventor of "modus operandi", escape from court by cops, "BundPost too long. Click here to view the full text.