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Esoteric Wizardry
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Anons Fringe Archive

 No.128094

All the time, for years and years, I struggle to create any positive emotions I can and to work light magick; healing and things like mind-reading that don't hurt anyone but serve to enlighten, inspire, etc.

Yet this is against a constant backdrop of overwhelming hatred, anger, and negative emotions of every sort in unceasing abundance.

I have an inexhaustible supply of dark emotional energies to draw on. On the other hand I can barely manage to feel the faintest joy, love, and other such positive things.

Consequently I have this tremendous power that I hold in restraint and never use because nothing good can come of it and I feel like if I could heal one person it's more impressive and difficult than to kill and torture and defile a hundred; in my view all too easy. Anyone can destroy shit; hardly anyone can mend or build. At least not in this age, in this place, this world of ours.

Every day I struggle to keep negative thoughts in check, to use positive affirmations, to keep back a dam of negative energy that has never been released that is always threatening to burst out.

When I have let out just a small fraction of it, like maybe 5% at most of what I could have felt if I let it out in full force, I have gone completely berzerk from it with the following symptoms:

1. Heart pounding so loud you can actually hear it plainly.

2. All the energy in every part of my body being unlocked and rapidly used up.

3. Top speed at which I can run massively increasing.

4. Feeling of weightlessness even though weighed down by a lot of gear.

5. Superhuman strength.

6. Growling like a bear/demon/wild-animal.

7. A feeling that everything in the forest around me will drop to death just from the fear caused by my presence and that I can take on any wild animal and win.

8. Massively sharpened senses, reflexes, and a feeling that I will kill anything that might cross my path in the most efficient manner possible without having to think about it.

This last only a short while though before I collapse in complete exhaustion, an exhaustion more intense than I feel after an entire day of continual manual labor without breaks, even though the energy has been released only in maybe 10 to 15 minutes.

That's just what happens when I focus on an all-consuming desire to kill anything that comes across my path. There are other applications of all the hatred I feel where I am able to energize negative thoughtforms extremely fast and make them very strong in just a minute where I might fail to do that in 3 hours for a more positive variety of thoughtform.

The last time I ever used any of this kind of power was in doing rituals for Ebola Chan. It's been years however since we've done any black magick operation like that and I've been entirely dedicated to trying to open myself up to and receive love, joy, gratitude, etc. but instead my life has been continual torment and deepening hatred. Even though I try all the time to become stronger in the positive applications of magick my destructive power just increases tenfold.

Makes me question greatly whether I should let this all out. Probably what should have happened is instead of my whole life suppressing everything, everytime things went wrong and injustice was done to me, I should have got mad. Instead I am known for being the kindest and most gentle person ever because I literally never, ever, show anger. Now instead of releasing dark energy in minor doses with little consequence, what I have built up inside me is deadly. If only I could say the same for joy, that I had a wellspring of it. I don't have it at all, I have to do research and seek if I can find random stories and settings or people that have it, that I might feel it in some vague way.

____________________________
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 No.128096

The best way I can think of dealing with this situation is to use the dark energy to create and empower an extremely malevolent, hostile, dangerous entity that I will have to bind and keep in check that it could be used one day if necessary but otherwise remains imprisoned. However I am not sure I could shackle such an entity effectively.

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 No.128116

Before you connect with the eternal source of creation, there's other connections you've got to go through.

One is the higher self, your own personal God so to speak.

What I'm trying to say is it's you that has no love for yourself.

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 No.128136

>>128116

I do indeed have no love for myself and this is very obvious for me.

What should I do to amend this situation?

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 No.128142

>>128136

Stop lying to yourself. Confront guild, grief, etc.

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 No.128144

>>128136

It's not a problem. You listening to people telling you to love yourself is the problem. If you were responsible for taking care of yourself like you were another person, what would you do? Being emotional will only exhaust you and everyone around you. It's pointless. You waste all of your strength in this way.

>>128116

Stop trying to connect to the "eternal source of creation" ffs. Shit like this is what causes mental illness or just completely destroys all sense of proportion in people. Just get your life in order.

>>128096

How about no.

>>128094

What you laid out is just some animal instinct. It's not necessarily true. I can believe that you became stronger, faster, more fit, etc. but it's based on lower brain functions and not necessarily sustainable or safe for cognitive function. You lose discernment if you chase this fleeting state.

"Makes me question greatly whether I should let this all out." You already did. You let it all out and you were fucking exhausted. People in emergencies experience slow-motion and heightened reflexes/fitness like you, but are pretty burned out, injured (sometimes permanently) or knocked out cold afterward. So no, you don't need to "let it all out" because then you'll severely injure yourself. If you used this just to train for 5 minutes 2x a week with plenty of recovery or whatever then great, you'll become one of the greatest sprinters ever within the next 2 - 4 years I'd say. But dumb mother fuckers like you decide to destroy their bodies by "letting it all out" instead and then move onto something else in their life when they're partially disabled.

If you can use this "animal fitness" and then throw in some regeneration into it, so that you can recover more quickly and do it again (which would happen naturally just training 2x a week, eventually moving onto 3x and 4x a week), then you can actually use this to train and develop. Don't be as short sighted as the 'animal' you're 'letting all out'. We developed foresight as human beings, so use it.

Treat yourself like a person you're responsible for.

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 No.128145

>>128144

>Stop trying to connect to the "eternal source of creation" ffs. Shit like this is what causes mental illness or just completely destroys all sense of proportion in people. Just get your life in order.

If you already have mental illness then shit like that is the only cure. Did you even read the OP?

>What you laid out is just some animal instinct. It's not necessarily true.

Yeah get your disinformation out of here. In that mess was there any advice about how to control this animal instinct?

>throw in some regeneration, recover, foresight, don't be shortsighted as this so called 'animal', be responsible

Nice buzzwords that mean nothing.

Stop trying to confuse higher energies with animalistic shit kike

The fucking OP is talking about light magick and mind reading and etc. What the fuck are you talking about, training and physical exercise? Where do you think you are? Get the fuck out of here.

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 No.128146

>>128094

I just read this like properly and realized that obviously, well once you get past your guilt and grief and etc, you will find a great amount of hate.

Why do you assume these energies are negative? They are strong in magnitude, and this energy requires a release.

You simply don't have a release.

Find out why you are angry and make a constructive goal or plan and channel your energies into the circuit of this plan.

Here let me get you started. The world sucks because there's evil people making the world worse on purpose for their own benefit. GO SLAY THESE MOTHER FUCKERS.

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 No.128147

>>128146

>Find out why you are angry and make a constructive goal or plan and channel your energies into the circuit of this plan.

I know why, in great and meticulous detail, I am so angry. Trust me, I have 6 million reasons if you know what I mean.

>GO SLAY THESE MOTHER FUCKERS.

The day can't happen soon enough. I guess I will have to begin work on an egregore so strong and powerful it can take all of this energy and disperse it over thousands who will then act out the intention in the world thus giving the energy its necessary release as I can't transmute it.

…but I have so much patience for the world. I am very much long-suffering.

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 No.128148

Breast Massage for Moms to Increase Milk Supply

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 No.128149

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 No.128150

Breastfeeding Position and Latch

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 No.128151

Breastfeeding Nutritious Mommy Milk Vlog

(7. Do not raid/attack the board)
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 No.128153

>>128145

>>128145

>If you already have mental illness then shit like that is the only cure. Did you even read the OP?

Wrong. He has an abundance of held in negative emotion. That's different than "mental illness" that you'll get from "connecting to the eternal source of creation" fucking bullshit you retard.

>Yeah get your disinformation out of here. In that mess was there any advice about how to control this animal instinct?

I'll make it clear then: He holds in shit so it builds up. Use what you hold in for physical training and discipline. What's not necessarily true is the wizardly energy shit you fucks label it as.

>Nice buzzwords that mean nothing. Stop trying to confuse higher energies with animalistic shit kike

You're a retard. If you exercise to the point of extreme fatigue then you've just had the best workout in your life. OP use these workouts and develop physical prowess. Don't neglect recovery – remember to meditate, eat, sleep, stretch. Join an MMA gym or train alone in martial arts and look up high level fights online. Don't get obsessed with these /fringe/tards about shit, apply what you have to reach a high level of competence before you even touch the ideas about "energy" or "god".

>The fucking OP is talking about light magick and mind reading and etc. What the fuck are you talking about, training and physical exercise? Where do you think you are? Get the fuck out of here.

Oh my bad, you're a fucking retard. stfu.

>>128094

Don't turn this into wizard shit. Use it for combat or physical training. You can interpret the purpose of it how you will, but it's one of the best uses for it. Wizard shit will just confuse you and send you down a dark downward spiral (much more than berserker rage that you have control over will). Controlled predatory, killer, berserker instinct is highly valuable.

>>128147

Don't get wrapped up in this nonsense about egregores. It's not the correct channel nor understanding of reality. Develop the mind but don't call it egregores or what-not; rage is useful in achieving things but delusions will destroy you.

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 No.128159

>>128153

>>The fucking OP is talking about light magick and mind reading and etc. What the fuck are you talking about, training and physical exercise? Where do you think you are? Get the fuck out of here.

<Oh my bad, you're a fucking retard. stfu.

So you accept that you're actively avoiding what this thread is about?

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 No.128162

>>128153

>You're a retard. If you exercise to the point of extreme fatigue then you've just had the best workout in your life. OP use these workouts and develop physical prowess. Don't neglect recovery – remember to meditate, eat, sleep, stretch. Join an MMA gym or train alone in martial arts and look up high level fights online. Don't get obsessed with these /fringe/tards about shit, apply what you have to reach a high level of competence before you even touch the ideas about "energy" or "god".

Anon, I have over a decade of experience in martial arts.

I could not use my berzerker power in that at all. In practicing martial arts you have to be calm and to learn the forms and do them right over and over that they become habit.

This going berzerk thing is something I can only do alone, in a forest, way the fuck away from anyone… because if I did it around people, and I was too deep into the trance, they would be fucked.

The state can not be unlocked by the intent of "I'm going to have fun and put someone into a restraining hold" or anything like that. It's a killer intent. The only control I have is of choosing to go into that state when there's nobody around.

>Don't get wrapped up in this nonsense about egregores. It's not the correct channel nor understanding of reality. Develop the mind but don't call it egregores or what-not; rage is useful in achieving things but delusions will destroy you.

So I take it you've never constructed and used a thoughtform to achieve any kind of serious influence in the world and other persons then, and consequently, are a neophyte at best?

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 No.128163

THAT SAID I have been planning some experiments to see if it can be unlocked, albeit in a slightly lesser degree, by very very focused rage.

The thing is, a lot of its power is in how unfocused it is. It's just a tremendous rage that is directed at everything that crosses or could cross my path or enters my mind. It becomes an utter contempt for absolutely everything and builds up fast in this way. Part of the power too is in its simplicity. There's no tension, no questioning it, no complexity. It is primal as fuck. It doesn't have to be filtered through a bunch of conditions and checks and such it's just pure rage.

Still, maybe if I focused on a specific target, and then brought up a ton of thoughts in connection with it, I could still build up probably a very powerful trance state while hopefully not putting anything else but the target (which could be very far away or could be something very expendable like a random animal) in any immediate danger. They could still end up sick or harmed though just by the thoughtforce directed their way but they'd be out of reach of that which is used up in pumping up my own body into being a killing machine.

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 No.128164

It also I should add involves absolutely no frustration, self-pity, or anything that could be said to be directed at myself. If it did, it would lead to self-harm or suicide. Instead it's like the pure joy of a predator excited about its potential catch combined with the wrath of one who is about to take out a universe-full of pain and wrath onto some sacrificial target.

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 No.128197

>>128162

I'm not telling you to use it sparring with friends. I'm telling you to use it with focus. Train martial arts alone too (which isn't all fucking forms, what martial arts are you doing?) – get a heavy bag, condition the body for lethal fights, etc. You don't need to go full predator mode to use just part of it. I already know what you're talking about.

You're just going to tear down the veil and invite misfortune and chaos into your life if you fuck with egregores instead of focusing on what you want on this side of the veil then just using the other side for some assistance.

All this special sauce will ruin the dish.

>>128163

Get a heavy bag.

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 No.128207

>>128147

>The day can't happen soon enough. I guess I will have to begin work on an egregore so strong and powerful it can take all of this energy and disperse it over thousands who will then act out the intention in the world thus giving the energy its necessary release as I can't transmute it.

>…but I have so much patience for the world. I am very much long-suffering.

Sounds like a solid plan to me. Kind of left me speechless

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