Da air is thick as tha full capacitizzle crowd waits up 'n total darknizzles. Chill as I take you on a trip.
Louis CK is 15 minutes late ta start his sizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.
Suddenly, tha thunderous roar of African war beats n' elephant cries ring out.
Da spotlights focus centre stage. Tru niggaz do niggaz.
A battalion of proud as a muthafucka black militants lead Louis on stage up 'n not a god damn thang but a gangbangin' finga-lickin' dirty-ass short pink nightgown, grill covered up 'n makeup bustin a funky-ass bob-cut blonde wizzig.
"Fizzans, tonight be tha night dat i fulfil mah destiny n' duty as a sissizzle white biiiatch, tonight be tha night I loze mah manhood wanna be gangsta n' shit."
"Don't do it Louis muthafucka! It don't gotta be dizzis way dawwwwg!" Yells a solitary caucasian voice fizzy tizzy cizzy, unable ta hold his cold-ass tongue any longa.
"Ayo shut da fuck up biiiatch" booms Tyrique, assertin his nubian domizzle. Da silent tension buildz fo' mere secondz befizzle tha hecklaz neck is snappizzle by a sympathetic white subject, purizzle ta brang tha attention back ta tha stage. Da mans hoe be stripped naked n' dragge' away, presumably ta a freshly smoked up thuglife of rape n' forced black impregnation.
"As I was sayin" quivered Louis, "Unda tha counsel of mah advisors, I have decided ta forego dat which I do not deserve, my right ta reproduce fo' realz. As we speak, mah daughtas be bein shipped ta Sudan ta repay my debt ta our freshly smoked up black overlords to increase tha peace. Now witout drug deala adieu, let our asses begin!"
Witin seconds, Louizzles be impizzle anally n' orally wit 36 inchez of blizzay tizzay stizzay. While DeMarcus n' Javhonte destrizzle his crazy-ass masculine pride metaphorically, Quintavius pulls up a machete tha size of a shawty' small-ass child, personally pimped by Joseph Kony n' his cold-ass top shamans n' up 'n one rhymin', removes it literally.
Louis screams up 'n both pain n' liberation as tha wound be cauterize' wit a gangbangin' flamin baobab branch, aPost too long. Click here to view the full text.