No.4546 [Last50 Posts]
IT'S SO DENSE
EVERY SINGLE PAGE HAS SO MANY THINGS GOING ON
____________________________
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No.4552
Every time I see that Wendig sentence, it becomes even more hideous. Didn't that book have an editor?
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No.4557
>>4552
>Didn't that book have an editor?
Editors edit, they don't rewrite a trainwreck.
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No.4559
>>4557
that, and these days any editor assigned to licensed genre fiction would only glance at the novel they were editing when there was nothing 'funny' to read on twitter, anyway
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No.4598
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No.4639
>wibbles and wobbles
I honestly thought that was just a mockery… Jesus Christ, that's awful.
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No.4653
>wibbles and wobbles, herkily jerkily around
Its the Dr. Seuss school of writing, you just dont understand
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No.4659
I enjoyed the books only due to the performance by Marc Thompson. He's fantastic in almost every audio book that he's done. There was a lot of shot and let downs in the books but overall it was tolerable imo.
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No.4661
>>4659
Gee, who could be behind this post?
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No.4674
>>4661
Just because mon cala ships are over powered doesn't mean they're the best. Trade federation by far had the most versatile and cohesive navy in terms of capital vessels. If they had better fighters and living organisms in their navy they would have been unstoppable.
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No.4680
Vader deftly parried Luke's strike and pushed forward, his metal boots clinkity-clacking against the floor. Luke ka-wumped over, but quickly regained his footing to again face his foe. Luke took a few cautious steps forward, looking for any opening in Vader's defense. Seeing none, he tried to force his way in by swinging his laser sword swishy-swooshy through the air, only to feel the stubborn cr-crackling of Vader's saber resist his attacks every time.
"You have learned much, young one," Vader said.
"You'll find I'm full of surprises, " Luke replied.
Luke gritted his teeth and swung high toward's Vader's helmet, but before he could react his lightsaber was forced out of his hand and whooshed through the air before pitter-pattering along the damp floor. Vader swiped his blade towards Luke, who bumpa-whammed down the stairs to escape.
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No.4683
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No.4685
>>4680
Close, but it needs to be written in present tense.
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No.4687
>>4680
The absolute madman!
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No.4689
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No.4691
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No.5133
>>4680
Luke daringly flew his snow speeder through the chilly willy air of the ice planet Hoth. As the Imperial AT-AT stompa wompa'd along the icy wicey terrain, it let forth a fearsome barrage from it's turbo lasers.
The armor was too strong for blasters as the lasers from the snow speeder just tinked off the AT-AT's mighty bulk. Luke would have to try a new tactic.
Swooshing and whooshing through the air Luke made way for the mighty walkers legs and with a deft kashoonk of the snow speeder's tow cable proceeded to twirly-whirly around the AT-AT's lower extremities.
Eventually the mighty AT-AT's legs were tangly-wangly'd by the snowspeeder's tow cable causing it to collapse into the frozen terrain with a mighty kershlump.
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No.5135
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No.5139
>>4552
>Didn't that book have an editor?
Surprisingly enough, I was able to get my hands on the original copy. Source is as follows:
The tie wibbalubbadubdubs through the densy breathy thing. it moves from one side, to the other side. Eventually luek skywalker. Amen.
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No.5140
>>5139
*Luke but just like Pendig i had no editor…
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No.5145
Every Porg down in Porgville liked Life Day the Canon Holiday a lot.
But the Chewie who lived on a ship just North of Porgville did not!
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No.5361
Was this written by a fucking gungan?
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No.5398
Really liked I, Jedi. Jedi Academy trilogy too.
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No.5412
>>4598
Numales. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.
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No.5528
>>4598
Every sentence in that virtue signalling screed he wrote makes me want to punch him in the throat.
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No.5543
Any troopers got a suggestion for what series to start after the Zahn Thrawn books?
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No.5544
>>5543
Dark Empire and the Tales of the Jedi comics. The KOTOR comics also. Fuck it, you should also get going on the Star Wars comics starting in 1998.
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No.5553
>>5543
For me the gist of the post-ROTJ civil war is:
>Thrawn Trilogy
>Dark Empire I
>Stackpole's X-Wing books (#1-4)
>I, Jedi
>Hand of Thrawn
From there you can check out the rest of the "Zahn-verse":
>Outbound Flight + Survivor's Quest
>Allegiance + Choices of One
>Mara Jade: By the Emperor's Hand
The rest of the X-Wing novels and comics are also always a good pick.
For pre-Prequel Sith and Jedi lore:
>Dark Empire Trilogy (gets shitty towards the end)
>Jedi Academy Trilogy or I, Jedi (I recommend the latter)
>Tales of the Jedi
From the Dark Empire trilogy you can go to the Crimson Empire trilogy which picks up right after it and compensates for its weak and abrupt ending.
From Tales of the Jedi you can cover most of the Old Republic era up to the Prequels with
>KOTOR comics + vidja
>Darth Bane Trilogy (and maybe the Knight Errant comics)
>Darth Plagueis
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No.5569
>>4680
>>5133
"Great feelings of disgust and laughter splipple-splapple throught my body." said Anon.
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No.5634
>>5553
>Darth Plagueis
I cannot emphasize enough how important this book is to understanding the Prequels era and what led to it. It's practically a bingo book of incidents from throughout the EU, tied into a single narrative. Through this book, you can discover the rest of those works present in that era.
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No.5635
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>5543
Speaking of those, wanna hear them?
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No.5749
>>5544
>>5553
Thanks troopers, will definitely check those out.
>>5635
I would very much like that, thank you!
I got Heir to the Empire and listening to Dark Force Rising now.
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No.7061
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No.7062
>>7061
reminder that plinkett rips on the phantom menace for that one creature ripping a fart, but will undoubtedly give this a pass.
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No.7066
>>5635
Sure
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:212db50ccb4c8ef4af6ecbf8bffa5655323045ed
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No.7072
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No.7074
>>7061 "Honking and letting loose with all kinds of gassy exclamations"
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No.7082
>>7061
It was a fart orgy and it was in the GFFA. I don't to live in this galaxy anymore. I want to take a ship and lose myself at the Unknown Regions. Even if I got caught by the Vong and end up in one of those pain racks of theirs it's better than a Cthulhu fart orgy (Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and fart and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the Galaxy would flame with a holocaust of gases and freedom)
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No.7083
>>7061
This faggot has a fart fetish, doesn't he?
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No.7085
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No.7087
>>7061
I… How in the hell did this book get published?! Is this some kind of joke?
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No.7089
>>7061
Disney's canon is literally one long wet fart.
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No.7093
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No.7094
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No.7097
smh at all these snowflake nazis making fun of this fine book. you are all racist against gas positive people!
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No.7098
>>7097
I can be a gas-positive person
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No.7102
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No.7104
>>7061
Lucasfilm Story Group seal of quality.
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No.7106
>>7061
Did Sakurai write this book?
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No.7107
>>7061
Did Sakurai write this book?
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No.7109
>>7061
Holy shit. I've read recent Horus Heresy novels that were better written than this shit
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No.7111
>and the Padme touched Anakin on the hand and he started farting uncontrollably
>in their last moments, the citizens of Alderaan realized it was not a peculiar atmospheric phenomenon manifesting in their atmosphere but the harbinger of utter oblivion. Their fear resulted in a loosing of the bowels that reverberated through the Force deeply disturbing any connected to its omnipresent energies
>ripped asunder by the electromagnetic discharges of the Death Star II reactor shaft, Sheev Palpatine honked one terminal fart containing the volatile essence of his dark nature wafting to the surface in a heinous blue plume
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No.7113
>>7111
>"Ben? What's wrong?"
>"I felt a disturbance in the Force. It was as if… a million souls all farted out in terror… and then were suddenly silenced
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No.7125
>>7061
Apparently it was in a book for "Young readers."
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Join_the_Resistance:_Escape_from_Vodran
Can't remember if there was anything intended for the 8-12-year-old demographic before Disney that approached a fart orgy in depths stooped to for amusing kids.
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No.7127
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No.7135
>>7061
Reminder that this only got good reviews because of tumblr diversity and stronk wymmin.
Also please kill me. The pain of reading this is too much too bare.
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No.7136
>>7109
Its amazing how low we've come.
>>7111
>>7113
>>7125
And it keeps getting lower.
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No.7143
>>7135
Lies. Half the reviews were people calling him out on this bullshit. The other half were tumblr and bought shills.
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No.7162
>>7143
Yes, for the first book. The next two books were mostly mixed to positive reviews.
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No.7177
>>7061
>high pitched wheeeeeeet
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No.7178
>>7143
>>7162
I would guess after the trainwreck that the first book was, the people that gave it bad reviews didn't bother reading (and thus reviewing) the next two.
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No.7185
>>4653
No, don't even, Seuss at least had talent
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No.7400
>>7185
This. Its kind of sad to see people use Seuss as a bad example of writing.
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No.8011
What is the moron set to write next?
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No.8026
>>8011
I think he still has to finish off the trilogy that's replacing Thrawn in the timeline dear god WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT REEEEEEEEE. Either that or comic adaptations of the new movies.
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No.8035
>>7162
That is common for books. People who dislike the first book don’t purchase or review the second or third.
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No.8282
>>7061
How did he get this book published?
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No.8288
>>8282
Because Disney just does not give a fuck. They let whoever came first get the rights for the book, find out if he was popular with the diversity types and tumblr teens and just let him do whatever the fuck. They and Kennedy just do not give a fuck, otherwise they would not have given the game rights to EA and let JJ and Rian run this turd further into the ground.
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No.8289
>>8288
They don't have the foresight to see the loss of profits from their holed pockets.
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No.8305
>>4546
Apparently the audiobook leaves out the last half of the second paragraph..
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No.8347
>>4598
>It's like trying to picture Jesus kicking lepers in the throat instead of curing them.
Yeah, he's right. Luke wouldn't kill faggots, he'd cure them with Force if he found any. But the Star Wars galaxy is advanced enough that they would have cured faggotry centuries ago. So that's another reason why faggots shouldn't be in Star Wars.
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No.8377
>>8347
Not entirely related, but trannies were a thing in old lore thanks to a "transgenderative surgery" system, except instead of being a mental disorder accepted by the public, it was something common only in the underworld and used by outlaws and criminals to go into hiding.
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No.8829
didn't there used to be two posts about vader one about 'jewel of the sith' and one where 'this is what anakin feels, every day, forever?' anyone happen to save them?
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No.8830
>>8829
>used
Bitch, they're still here. And it's three posts, not two.
>>4142
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No.8831
>>8288
It’s beyond giving a fuck. They actively want progressive propaganda in Star Wars.
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No.8845
>>8831
That's expected considering that's all Hollywood and New York want to do now, but you'd think they'd at least put effort into making their propaganda not shit, like all those shitty vegans used to do in those scifi novels about eating meat being evil.
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No.8847
>>8845
Marxist literary critique argues a work is only good based on its usefulness to bringing about the revolution. This isn’t a hyperbolic statement, it’s the actual stated metric they judge by. The people making entertainment now are all adherents of this thought, perhaps updated for their particular aspect of cultural marxism. Kennedy wants feminism, JJ wants niggers, etc. But making money is a distant concern, and I think they know it would take mounting machine guns at the entrances to theaters to drive people away from a star wars film. It’s so big they can use it as a progressive playground and it can absorb the impact.
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No.8849
>>8847
>shit I already know
You're preaching to the quire, m8. It's pure Stalinism and Marxism at it's finest and the things we love have to pay the price for the sake of these fiends trying to use what we love for the sake of their ideology. And it only gets more disturbing when you realize that they prefer to target media preferred by children and teens rather than adult media.
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No.8856
What I find most disturbing and internally hurtful about all this is that Chuck Wendig wanted to make HK-47 canon again but Disney/nu-Lucas Story Group said 'no'. And he instead made his own shitty OC who is just a battle droid with dirt and paint called Mister Bones (donut steal) who acts and sounds like HK-47 and is said to have the same voice and is popular with nu-wars faggots. The end result is disturbing. Among other things, it seems Chuck Soydig actually knows a fair share of EU shit but every time he adds them in the novels, he makes them worse since they're followed by something really stupid or gay but he apparently wanted to re-canonize old stories in full. But Disney didn't want him doing that or recanonizing old stories or games. Does this mean that Disney is deadset on killing the past or is this a sign that there is still some humanity within the Lucasfilm Story Group and they wanted to make sure Wendig didn't taint the past we loved? I hardly doubt it's the latter, but it's a nice thought.
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No.8857
>>5635
Have the raw files?
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No.8860
>>8857
Not that anon, but I got the PDF if you want that.
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No.8872
>>8831
>It’s beyond giving a fuck. They actively want niggers and poc's to be seen as 'alien'/'non-human'
based tbh
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No.8874
>>8856
Wendig probably wants to care at some level, I see that a lot in nu-fans. They want to care about these things, the imagery is baked into their memory, the sounds bring out images in their childhood. I basically have all the movies and games, including those childhood vidya completely indexed. I want to know there still is something there but every year it becomes easier for me to say, there is nothing here anymore.
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No.9315
>>5133
I wish Teletubbies were part of the star wars cannon.
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No.9346
>>9315
Give it time and some more horrible Disney buyouts. Soon SW and the Marvel universe will be one and the same with that Guardians of the Galaxy crossover rumor…
>Marvel's logo and copyright information replace Dark Horse's in the MDCU versions of these comics.
Fuck you Marvel.
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No.9521
>>7061
>Desecrating a wedding
Are these guys satanists or something?
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No.9523
>>9521
Probably not. But what I can say for certain is that they're what happens when you let the mentally disturbed faggots who posted cringy trash on Deviantart, tumblr and Fanfiction.net grow up and get a job in the industry. Remember all those fanfics and creepy fanart people used to make fun of? Those retarded fuckers actually achieved their dreams and we are watching them fuck up everything. Just look at the state of everything /co/-related.
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No.9537
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No.13967
What were his qualifications again?
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No.13969
>>13967
He wrote some books nobody bought but he had a popular twitter following and claimed to be a huge
SW fan. Thats about it. He was an "up and coming" young author who was "cool" with the teens and starbucks reading crowd.
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No.13993
>>7185
Seuss comfirmed for onionman even tho he was a shabbos goy who made anti-nazi propaganda
>>4680
>>5133
You magnificent madman.
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No.13994
HookTube embed. Click on thumbnail to play.
>>13993
He was redpilled on welfare, however.
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No.14006
>>8377
Even then it was really only mentioned once. Though that sort of procedure being common to hide your identity does make sense in a Sci-Fi setting I guess.
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No.14088
>>8874
>They want to care about these things, the imagery is baked into their memory, the sounds bring out images in their childhood.
Why does it hurt anon? I didn't ask to feel these feels!
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No.25599
>>13993
His asian drawings are pretty funny tho.
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No.25614
>>4546
am i the only person who doesn't really like stackpole's writing? the x-wing series was pretty decent setting-wise but every character immediately launches into a soul-baring monologue about their feelings when even remotely pressed. it makes virtually every single character in his books look like a whiny pay-attention-to-me faglord
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No.25621
>>25614
Didn't bother me too much, although I'm tempted to say I like Allston better.
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No.25642
>>4598
Everyone should view it as a spelling error.
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No.25643
>>7061
This book cannot be taken seriously. I don't know if this is a proper Star Wars novel or a parody.
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No.25647
>>25614
Have you never watched a classical soliloquy? Though if it happens overmuch, it can get a bit silly.
>>25643
It's "for kids," which to a wretch like him means "lowest common denominator." CS Lewis is banging his head on a wall somewhere.
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No.25648
>>25647
>It's "for kids," which to a wretch like him means "lowest common denominator." CS Lewis is banging his head on a wall somewhere.
I hate how much modern content creators use that excuse. Its like kids don't deserve good things, especially ones that actually sparks some creativity or even brain activity.
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No.25660
>>13993
>that image
Hi reddit.
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