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No.32079 [Last50 Posts]
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No.32080
Fucking lel. Just from the trailer I can feel further OT rip-off vibes. Also if that lightsaber can slice a TIE in half I'll be really fucking mad.
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No.32081
<I'm gonna pay Disney to fuck me over, I know they did it before time after time but they have Palpatine so it'll all be ok now.
I hate cucks.
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No.32082
Abrams is a complete hack to the end.
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No.32083
>Every Generation has a legend
This isn't one of them
>the saga ends
it ended with Disney's purchase.
So is the Palpatine going to be a clone or did he not die when he exploded on DS2 or is it going to be a poorly ripped off clone?
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No.32084
>laughing the whole way though the trailer at how silly it is
>Laugh at Billy Davis because he fat
<Sheev laughs
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No.32086
So, the wreckage of DS2 with Palpatine's ghost or digital copy or whatever? So basically a ripoff of Dark Empire with the Emperor back
Really, that's just some bad fanfiction.
Seriously… why you guys give attention to that crap?
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No.32087
Maybe John Williams won't half ass the soundtrack to this.
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No.32088
Pixar Lamp made it in!
I don't see Rose Tico anywhere in this trailer.
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No.32089
>>32079
>>32080
>The Ruse of Skywalker
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No.32090
I thought they stop doing matrix shit in TLJ but they got the Rey-matrix reloaded again. Her bullshit Mary Sue powers will be able to move planets is what I'm betting on. Maybe curve a giant laser coming from space and blowback the beam back against the Death Star Quatro.
>>32081
They're falling for the same nostalgia mind trick that made them like The Farce Awakens. Normies are so easily swayed by such pandering that they can't process the trash they're being shown. Just on the name alone, they're going for a Return of the Jedi vibe. The new things shown was a lamp on wheels and a submerged Death Star, which apparently, was a scrapped idea from The Farce Awakens. They're really digging deep to salvage the sequels and it's not going to end like they think it will end.
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No.32092
>>32086
its like a trainwreck. it is horrible but you just cannot stop looking at it and you cant do nothing but laugh at this failure
>>32087
if it is anything like in the trailer, he already failed
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No.32093
Oh there she is. Not from the trailer though.
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No.32094
All the idiots I know are actually creaming themselves over Palpatine being back. And even this incredibly anti-EU fag I know who hated how the EU brought back Palpatine and always bitched about it to me constantly is now celebrating that Palpatine is back. Holy fucking shit I'm surrounded by fags and hypocrites.
>>32092
>if it is anything like in the trailer, he already failed
The fucking gayass reactions have me worried. 400,000 views and already 100,000 likes?! Plus all the fags saying "WOW JJ totally gave RJ the middle finger! lol XDDDD"
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No.32095
Lando looks like he had one too many Sullistan cookies after RotJ.
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No.32096
>>32094
>400,000 views and already 100,000 likes
It's almost like Disney is astroturfing to provide false confidence to investors and potential customers. But they'd never do scummy things like that.
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No.32097
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No.32098
>>32096
I'm sure you could calculate a view to like ratio on average youtube videos and then compare it to this and find it would be way off.
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No.32099
Calling it now: New EPIC twist is that Rey is actually a Skywalker after all, the result of some drunken fling by Luke or some other bullshit. Kylo dies, Palpy is dead and just a ghost, Snoke goes unanswered, Leia dies right before a time skip, First Order splinters with infighting. I dunno how the fuck theyre gonna resolve all this shit though. More likely movie will end with Endor 2.0 decapitation strike except with less Rebels and more shitty force CGI.
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No.32100
This is where you have to remember the conversation we had about Ruin Johnson being better for us than jewjew… I already see anti disney good goys saying it's a good thing the jew is back and WOW BASED SHEEV IS BACK TOO. The horrible bland fan service may give that horrible, terrible joke some new energy, while Ruin almost killed it entirely.
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No.32101
>>32099
My bet is that the Resistance has magically regenerated a fleet out of nowhere with no explanation, kinda like the intro of TLJ.
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No.32102
So no time travel after all, huh?
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No.32103
>>32102
Palpy may be there because of time travel.
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No.32104
>>32094
Same, people are just good goys, and we deserve everything that's happening to us. Let it all fucking burn and laugh about it, take the honk pill bro, if you can. I'm stuck at the black pill tbvh.
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No.32105
>>32099
>>32099
>Kylo dies, Palpy is dead and just a ghost, Snoke goes unanswered, Leia dies right before a time skip, First Order splinters with infighting
more like
>kylo is a good guy now
>palpatine survived and was controlling everything from the shadows ALL ALONG
>you can see that girl i forgot the name hugging leia, so it is very unlikely. more likely she will be fucked by lando
>first order splintering is too creative for the house of mouse
>I dunno how the fuck theyre gonna resolve all this shit though
they will not. it is written by jew jew after all. you know that alll these mystery boxes are empty in the end
>>32102
>implying there wont be time travel
>implying they would put something so controversial in their trailer
>implying they putting in time travel does need to make sense, when the entire series doesnt make any
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No.32106
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No.32107
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
Last Jedi Teaser for comparison. Note how this current trailer is at about the same level as TLJ's was.
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No.32108
>>32107
Another datapoint worth comparing over time.
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No.32109
>>32104
Is shoopfag still around here? I haven't posted in a while due to everything being so fucking depressing… but I want him to edit this into some redeemable.
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No.32110
>>32105
No way they let Kylo live. Im not even sure he'll redeem himself, since they badly need a youthful bitter white male archtype to rail against.
Kylo dies, Leia might even live tbh, for all i fucking know.
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No.32111
Every waking minute is suffering
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No.32112
>end of the movie
>palpatine's laughter echoes throughout the theater
>"you see young skywalker, that is but a glimpse of what you may suffer if you continue to defy me- give up your futile resistance and fully give yourself over to the dark side"
>"claim your rightful place by my side, and let us rebuild the Dark Empire that took prior generations of sith a thousand years of planning"
>the next day Disney announces they're relinquishing the rights to all Lucasfilm back to George, all member of Disney Lucasfilm are to be exiled to the far side of the galaxy on a rogue planet about to leave the rim
>it was a fucking jape this whole time
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No.32113
>>32112
God if only. On the bright side, Iger said that IX may be the last SW film.
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No.32114
>>32113
Someone still needs to direct their own trilogy.
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No.32115
>>32113
Is it wrong I actually *want* them to make more? I actually enjoy how terrible they are, how low the franchise and our entire culture as a whole sinks with each new blow.
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No.32116
>>32113
>IX may be the last SW film
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No.32117
>>32081
>that second comment
What does the lightsaber have to do with Rian Johnson?
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No.32118
>>32117
Anakin's lightsaber was broken in TLJ because Mary Sue and the whiny faggot force pulled it a little too hard.
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No.32119
>>32099
Nah, it'll be that she's Kylo's long lost sister to mirror the reveal of Leia being Luke's sister.
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No.32120
>>32118
Yes, but it was obvious that Rey would build it again, it was just split in half. Based on Youtube comments and social media normalfags are trying really hard to paint everything as a retcon of TLJ. Niggas forgot JJ Abrams liked TLJ.
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No.32121
>>32119
That was what I thought too, but then theyd have to explain why Leia left her on some shitty Tatooine knockoff all by herself, and that would portray her in too much a negative light, even if they blamed it on Han instead.
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No.32122
>>32121
Accidentally portraying female leadership as garbage happened all the time in TLJ. The question is if they have gained the foresight to stop themselves.
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No.32123
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No.32124
>>32099
>wh*te who is the new EPIC Skywalker
uh, no sweetie, we are all Skywalkers.
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No.32125
>>32122
>Accidentally portraying female leadership as garbage happened all the time in TLJ
Holdo? She saved the Resistance fleet.
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No.32126
>>32125
>She saved the Resistance fleet.
That's how Disney views it, when actually her bad decisions got them nearly wiped out and literally any random soldier could do the "saving" move she pulled. This is what I mean by "accidental."
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No.32127
>>32125
Same with Leia's bad decisions that pretty explicitly would have gotten everybody killed (i.e. "Don't kill the dreadnought that's seconds from destroying my ship")
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No.32128
>>32126
She made no bad decision, all the problems happened because Poe send Finn and Rose into a secret unauthorized mission.
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No.32129
>>32127
>"Don't kill the dreadnought that's seconds from destroying my ship"
More like "Don't kill the dreadnought, you will lose most of your fleet" and then it happened.
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No.32130
>>32124
>uh, no sweetie, we are all Skywalkers.
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No.32131
>>32121
They'll say Rey had so much potential that they didn't want to risk her getting captured by the First Order, so they put her on the most backwater planet they could think of so no one would ever find her.
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No.32132
Please please for the sake of Star Wars's legacy let this Disney garbage bomb
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No.32133
>>32079
Did that bitch just jump the tie shark?
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No.32134
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No.32135
>>32134
>>32133
We are reaching levels irony that shouldn't be possible.
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No.32136
>>32079
Palp's gonna appear as a force ghost for like 2 minutes. Maybe along with Hayden if the really want to butter up the nostalgia. This is their last desperate plea for good publicity. After 9, nobody will give a shit because the main series will be over.
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No.32138
>>32133
Yeah. Even when the tie fighter was low, she still would have had enough room to slice it from under. Do what Luke did in TLJ but holds her light saber up when it passes over her.
Looking at the trailer again and a thought crossed my mind. Why did she start her lightsaber and run away from the tie fighter if she was going to attack it anyway? Wouldn't it be more badass (in terms of the scene and not her character) that she runs towards the tie fighter to deal with it head on? I guess backwards jump slicing is what JJ thinks is cool for the kiddies.
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No.32139
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
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No.32140
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No.32142
>>32139
Its going to be a long and painful ride, but the memes will make it pleasant.
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No.32143
>>32097
>The saga comes to an end
TRANSLATION: Yidsney has decided to give the brand one last chance, and if this movie fails kill it for good.
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No.32144
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No.32145
>>32090
>They're really digging deep to salvage the sequels and it's not going to end like they think it will end.
Normalfags and cucked fans will praise JJ Abrams for 'saving the series again'. You even said it:
>Normies are so easily swayed by such pandering that they can't process the trash they're being shown
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No.32146
>Episode 7
>Star Destroyer debris as an environment
>Episode 9
>Death Star debris as an environment
Bravo Abrams.
I always assumed both Death Stars mostly disintegrated because of what the explosions looked like, even if they are old special effects. Nothing gave me the impression that huge chunks were supposed to fly off towards the ground.
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No.32147
>>32146
>death star debris mostly disintegrated
That was rebel propaganda
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No.32148
>>32087
let's be realistic, john williams will die in a year or two so he can't compose any more sw movies and yidsney will rape his corpse as much as they can. it was obvious from the last two scores, this one will be just as shit.
>>32094
you gotta surround yourself with better people, i've mostly seen mixed reviews
>>32095
i don't mind lando being back, but wearing his pando outfit from soylo is just insulting because you know as soon as he walks on the ship and gets into the cockpit he'll make a mention of that stupid droid
>>32113
no, 9 will be the last episode and last sw movie for a few years. kennedy and iger will bounce in 2021, leaving whoever takes over (most likely filoni unless someone else comes up) to fill the shoes of ordering new shit
>>32132
sadly trooper, it won't. my hopes are it doesn't cross the $1bn mark, but it will make its money
>>32139
beautiful, made my day.
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No.32149
>>32143
They're already gonna kill it. See >>32123
>>32144
Always count on /tv/ for solid shitposts and memes if nothing else.
>>32147
Its true now apparently despite that this should be the fucking end of the Ewoks and Disney wanted to revive that brand for toddlers. Too bad JJ can't think ahead.
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No.32150
I'm looking forward to the guy who will inevitably webm all the Sheev scenes.
That's about it.
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No.32154
>>32079
>Daisy Ridley loudly mouthbreathing
what a great start for a trailer
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No.32156
>>32150
Same. The Solo thread was rad and we got buckethead memes out of it
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No.32158
>>32154
It is a slight upgrade from Tyrone Jaywalker’s loud panting and Kong-looking face in The Farce Awakens trailer.
Never seen any of Disney’s nuWars films, or even the trailers, only reviews on YT, but I’m almost at a breaking point here, lads. Disney has managed to suck out all the enjoyment I get from SW…
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No.32159
>>32128
>She made no bad decision
>lets park our ships next to this planet and hope that they'll be too happy blowing them up to notice that we're heading down to the planet
>once we're down on the planet we'll hole up in this bunker and hit up the galactic yellow pages for a daring rescue (they definitely won't just ignore our calls or anything)
>also let's take Leia with us so that Kylo could track her through the force again
The entire plan is retarded, if they hopped into every bucket of bolts that had a hyperdrive and flew away like Rose and Finn did that would actually work.
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No.32160
>>32154
Another one to add to the list.
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No.32161
So far, only Sheev is drawing any serious interest. But without anyone on the "good" side of equivalent value, this is doomed to failure.
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No.32162
>>32079
CALLING IT NOW
THE SAND PLANET SHIT AT THE BEGINNING IS A RIPOFF OF JABBA'S PALACE
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No.32164
>>32162
there are literal sand barges in the trailer, look closery
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No.32167
>>32161
This. Literally no one is talking about any of Disney's shit, just Palpy. The closest thing is fags talking about Kylo Ren's mask being fixed.
Also its funny how Disney had to resort to relying on an old white dude to save their dying woke franchise.
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No.32168
LEAKED!!!
Plot summary of Episode 9!!!!!!1!
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No.32169
>>32164
>>32162
it's literally tatooine
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No.32170
Poor Sheev. Press F to pay respects.
F
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No.32171
>>32169
There were also speeder bike chases, because those were in RotJ.
Also of note: A-wing in front of Star Destroyer. This means they must have enough military power to get more ships and mount military ops against a capital vessel. Again, I'm betting the 'how' will go unanswered.
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No.32172
>>32171
>I'm betting the 'how' will go unanswered
no need to bet, this is what the mystery box is for
also those look more like swoop bikes or barc speeders
also also i'm betting that sand barge thing is where c3po will use the crossbow if that rumor is true, nevermind how him being there makes zero sense. that's another thing i've hated about the new trilogy, 3po and r2 are just there as cameos and not integral to the story like they were in the other two trilogies
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No.32173
>>32171
So C-3PO's a character again? A bit too late for that? Also wtf is up with the lamp droid? Why not just bring back R2 D2? Also the whole set up of R2 being shut off for 30 years for no real reason was unbelievably stupid, yet JJ fags never saw any issue with this
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No.32174
>>32173
>30 years
6 actually, all the first order/kylo ren shit only happened a few years prior to the movie. some stupid book called bloodlines more or less confirmed it.
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No.32175
>>32167
It's fool's gold. Sheev is going to be degraded and defeated.
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No.32176
>>32175
When they grind Sheev into the dirt, that might piss people off even more than Luke or Han.
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No.32177
>>32173
>Also wtf is up with the lamp droid?
Sell new toys of course.
Jesus that design is soulless and disgusting.
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No.32178
>>32177
it's a megaphone on a wheel, holy shit
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No.32180
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No.32181
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No.32182
Literally everyone can die that's in this shot and i won't care. R2, though………
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No.32184
>>32181
He doesn't look half bad in this shot for someone who is 80.
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No.32185
Meme worthy shots from the trailer. have fun!
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No.32186
>>32184
I'm sure he used a TON of moisturizer.
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No.32187
Rise of Skywalker is just such a stupid title.
I had no standards and yet I still managed to be disappointed.
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No.32188
>>32187
I didn't care, but now that I know Palpatine is going to be Disneyfied it has saddened me mildly. It's all so ruined you have to just write it off.
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No.32189
>>32182
chewie is with c3po and the nu fags on dantooine? this definitely confirms c3po crossbow
>>32187
the fake titles were better and they were still bad titles
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No.32190
>>32185
try not having the video bars in the shots you newfag
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No.32191
>>32189
>the fake titles were better and they were still bad titles
Exactly what I was thinking, and as usual the false plot leaks will be less worse than the final product.
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No.32192
>>32191
*less bad.
I should get some sleep.
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No.32193
>"actress Daisy Ridley has stated publicly that The Rise of Skywalker will be her final appearance in the franchise."
Celebrate good times!
https://archive.fo/Wsmq5#selection-2553.147-2559.46
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No.32194
>>32191
what's funny is this board was shitposting about things like palpatine and anakin returning based on early rumors about 9 and yet it's happening.
"i made it all up, and it came true anyway. that's the funny part."
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No.32195
>>32193
i hope this means rey dies. of course we all know this also means the end of the episodes and everything from here on will just be spinoff or new main series shit set in other eras.
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No.32196
>>32195
The only annoying thing about Rey dying will be people screeching about how "it proves she's not a Mary Sue!" even though that's BS, and knowing that her force ghost will be zombified eternally anyway, much like Carrie Fisher's ghost.
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No.32197
>>32196
on the contrary it cements her mary sueness, that's literally how mary sue began. she was this perfect trek lieutenant who did everything perfectly and then died.
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No.32198
>>32193
Expected, but that makes me think they'll go the martyr route and deify Rey which sounds much worse. Rey will become part of the force instead of being jettisoned into the outer rim to be forgotten.
Looking around in other places, I'm hearing rumors that the Skywalker name will be turned into a term for the new Jedi based on a Thrawn book where the word skywalker referred to force sensitive people. Other than it being used to call out Rey as a Skywalker, or possible redemption for Kylo, the title The Rise of Skywalker could be a response to The Last Jedi and the rising of a new generation of jedi's which will be known as skywalkers now. This sounds really dumb because jedi was already a cool name but I wouldn't be surprised if this is the route they're going with. Ruin a redemption with a different kind of redemption that sucks worse than the original redemption.
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No.32199
>>32177
>Disney characters
>Sell new toys of course.
Anon, I…
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No.32200
>>32198
Worse case is Rey becoming EU Luke and being the founder of the Jedi.
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No.32201
>>32198
<"Now EVERYBODY can be a Skywalker"
It'll be Grey Jedi bullshit too, won't it? Given the direction they've been going with light and dark spontaneously equalizing that's really the only way it can go.
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No.32202
If Palpatine kills everyone, how many times would you see it?
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No.32203
>>32202
If the absolutely "never gonna happen" scenario where he wins and slaughters Rey and the gang and takes over the universe and its revealed he was the true evil hero all along, then I'd watch it 5 times without paying.
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No.32207
>>32202
If Palpatine does that and no BS I would tattoo the mouse on me. I am being 110% serious.
I will praise it as the new Barry Lyndon.
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No.32210
The one slightly positive thing I'll say is it was nice to see Ian McDiarmid enjoying the adulation of the crowd of soylings. He seems like a nice man and getting a bit of applause for being a good actor is nice.
But it's going to suck.
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No.32211
>>32210
in 2017 we had sheev and wicket having a yoda vs sheev remake at swcon
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No.32212
>>32197
Here's the original.
Speaking of which, it's pretty funny that there are so many complaints that the term is sexist, given that it was coined by a woman.
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No.32213
>>32098
From personal experience, your average jewtube video has ~10% as many likes as views. And that's with inoffensive shit, where everyone watching the video is a fan of the creator and probably clicked the like button before they were finished watching. 25% as many likes as views is already suspect, especially when you consider that there should be a fair number of people mashing the dislike button.
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No.32214
All they had to do was make the thrawn trilogy, fucking fuck
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No.32215
>kill Snoke
>realize you fucked and ruined your serious
>HURRY LET’S CONTINUE TO DRAG THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY THROUGH THE MUD AND BRING BACK PALPATINE
This is gonna be a dumpster-fire
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No.32216
>>32093
Didn't she die in TLJ?
>>32094
>All the idiots I know are actually creaming themselves over Palpatine being back
Yeah, it's the same for me. I fucking hate it. None of these people have any standards; they'll open their assholes for anything with a brand label they like.
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No.32217
>>32216
>Didn't she die in TLJ?
Nope. You may recall that Finn magically carried her all the way across the field of battle back to the Resistance base at absurd speed between shots.
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No.32219
So theres this theory that rey is being trained by kylo in the beginning, I responded that this was a good thing, since rey wasn't being turned into a mary sue, fanshills attacked me for this, what the fuck? What the hell is wrong with the SW community now? Whys it so feeble? Can I not have the name "mary sue" and rey in the same sentence now? Fuck these people
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No.32220
>>32214
this, all they had to do was set it 30 years later and make it that thrawn spent all that time amassing a huge fleet and he would simultaneously attack all over the galaxy, then play the rest out as it did and bam, instant money.
>>32213
considering the option to pay jewtube for views has always been a thing, it's very fuckin likely the like ratio is inflated
>>32219
the fuck are you going on about? one scene of proper training doesn't undo two movies of mary sue.
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No.32221
>>32220
Bad wording on my part, training scenes would detract some of the damage, but not all. I'm just pointing out that you can't even imply that she is a mary sue to the common fan, they are fucked in the head
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No.32222
>>32214
You get the first bullet.
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No.32223
Invidious embed. Click thumbnail to play.
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No.32228
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No.32230
This franchise just jumped the Tie Fighter. LITERALLY. LOL.
Also expect Disney to wait around 5-10 years, and then they will either reboot the original trilogy for maximun subversion; Or just soft reboot the new trilogy (Which was already a soft reboot of the old trilogy, what a paradox) with a new trilogy that will be shitty too, but they will try to spin it as "not as bad as the Rey trilogy" or similar.
>>32088
>>32177
What the hell is this shit of a design? Not even dumb kids would want that.
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No.32231
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No.32232
>>32146
That doesn't look like Endor though? Oh lol, its one of the other moons of Endor.
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No.32233
Sheev being back is just pandering after the shit fest of 7 and 8 and the fallout of both right?
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No.32234
>>32233
Duh, that's how JJ financially killed Star Trek with only pandering and not creating anything new.
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No.32235
>>32223
This guy always has to like what Disney makes because if he doesn't, then he won't have any new videos to make. One can only say they hate Star Wars so much, before walking away.
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No.32236
>>32232
It looks vaguely like the Endor from the Ewok movies where they have plains, barrens and lakes in addition to the forests. They were filming in Scotland rather than California so they will probably pull another moon out of their ass.
>>32235
Making fun of Disney Star Wars is a very lucrative gravy train tbf, he could probably double his revenue by unloading on it but that would mean sacrificing his media access and his prospects of being hired by them in the future. Some people will happily take any abuse to protect their chances of working for Lucasfilm one day, pic related.
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No.32238
>>32219
Why would Rey need to be trained by Kylo? She's better than him and has been since she read his mind.
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No.32239
>>32238
>Why would Rey need to be trained by Kylo?
why not? its not like anything else in these movies makes sense
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No.32240
>>32236
>SWT doing the soyface after what disney did to him
I knew that faggot would never change
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No.32241
>>32240
What did they do to the guy? I'm sorry, I have a hard time keeping track of all the YTers.
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No.32242
>>32241
He contacted Disney/Lucasfilm for permission to make a fanfilm and told him what he could and couldn't do. He made the film with their orders in mind. Regardless they put a cease and desist on him and took down the video. It caused massive backlash and the bald fag almost broke down in tears despite wasting thousands of his own money to make it. He then said he didn't want to become a "toxic fan" but couldn't trust Disney anymore. But the backlash was so huge that someone as Lucasfilm freaked out and told youtube to remove the restrictions and put the video back. The guy claimed he would still be a fan of SW but said Disney couldn't be trusted, but now he's back to shilling for them again.
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No.32243
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No.32244
>>32243
How does Lando look like Shatner?
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No.32246
It's maddening how the masses-including people who hated TLJ are singing praises for the film because of the blatant nostalgia/fan service. It's a fucking shell game, why can't they see it?
>>32177
Looks like the Pixar Lamp. For fucks sake disney
>>32200
You shut your whore mouth. Don't give the mouse any ideas.
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No.32247
>>32246
Trust me, they already thought of that. It's happening.
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No.32248
>>32230
the next trilogies are heavily rumored to be set before the prequels
>>32234
this, trek died because they just made the same movie three times
>kirk thinks about his dad
>spock thinks about mortality
>time-traveling villain with a grudge against the federation
>lolsorandom humor
>leonard nemoy cameo
>>32236
the desert scenes look very much like the tatooine rocks, but they filmed in jordan. i wouldn't be surprised if they did make this scotland place endor
>prospects of being hired by lucasfilm
nobody at lucasfilm is giving the slightest inkling of a thought of hiring swt
>>32242
>cease and desist
they didn't c&d it, the company that owns the music (which is owned by disney) put a monetization on the video, which pissed swt off because he had to make the film entirely with his own funding, and they tried to rip a few bucks off of him. after about a week's worth of internet reees and rant videos they removed the monetizations
>>32246
>It's a fucking shell game, why can't they see it?
the normalfags generally like tfa and dislike tlj, don't be surprised them eating up the jewjew's fanservice
also >>32247 is right, it's already been thought of and most likely something is in development. those fuckers scanned my mind and stole my comic ideas that are now age of republic, age of rebellion and age of resistance.
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No.32253
>>32243
What if Rey is Anakin's mom?
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No.32254
>>32102
>>32103
As Palpatine was trying to kill Luke with his lightning jazz fingers, Vader picked Palpatine up and threw him over the railing into the Death Star main reactor. The lightning from Palpatine was just enough to produce the 1.21 gigawatts required to power the flux capacitor sending Palpatine back in time to the old west.
He's alive! Palpatine's alive! He's in the Old West, but he's alive!
Palpatine takes this as his advantage to erase the whole line of Skywalker when he runs into one of Skywalkers ancestors…..
Lando and Chewy take the Aluminum Falcon and fly into a wormhole sending them back in time to find Palpatine and stop him.
Meanwhile, Dr. Samuel "Sam" Beckett jumps into the body of Leia and tells Rey that she is the incest love child of her and Luke and that is why she is so strong in the force and gives her the last name Skywalker…Sam leaps out of Leia and she dies in Rey's arms.
(Sam finally makes the leap home..)
Kylo takes off his shirt again and says a bunch of nonsense and puts his repaired helmet back on his head and becomes a whiney bitch emo and goes on a rampage against everyone.
3PO, BB8 and Megaphone do some funny 3-Stooges antics and jokes.
(For some stupid reason I keep picturing Megaphone going around like Beedo, Beedo, Beedo..which is kind of ironic being that Beedo was a Rodian bounty hunter in the employ of Jabba the Hutt. He was a member of the Tetsu Clan and a cousin of Greedo.)
Poe, Finn and the others…..do you really care at this time in the story?
REALLY?
Rey decides to join the Summer Olympics gymnastics team after finding out that she can jump over a flying tie-fighter.
She wins and gets the gold medal….Rey is raised above the others on her podium, "This is for you mom and dad….."
Ghost Luke and Ghost Leia hug each other behind her…
Star Wars - Rise of Skywalker…….
credits roll…….
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No.32255
>>32253
Anakin's mom:
Shmi Skywalker Lars
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No.32256
What if Chewbacca had a relationship with Leia behind Hans back….and Rey is Chewie and Leia's love child..
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No.32257
>>32256
Then she became quite the nerf herder, especially if that shower scene in solo is anything to go by.
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No.32258
>>32254
>enough to produce the 1.21 gigawatts required to power the flux capacitor sending Palpatine back in time to the old west.
With how long of a fall he had, he may well have reached 88miles per hour.
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No.32259
Let me guess, Anakin wasn't a chosen one after all, wasn't he? If they're gonna pull that off, it should be the final nail in the coffin of the franchise.
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No.32260
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No.32261
>>32217
I must have temporarily blocked that from my memory, but yes, unfortunately, I remember it now.
>>32219
>Can I not have the name "mary sue" and rey in the same sentence now?
No, you can't. People flip their shit and roll their eyes and loudly argue that she's "NOT A MARY SUE", despite the fact that they cannot actually provide any reasoning to back it up. They've been brainwashed into believing that people who call Rey a Mary Sue only do so because are simply grumpy and bigoted neckbeards, not because Rey is a shit character.
>>32233
Yes, and people are eating it up. There's this narrative developing that JJ is back to save the day and he's going to "fix" everything that Rian did wrong, despite the fact that TFA sucked ass and Rian was just trying to do something creative with the steaming pile of shit he was handed (not defending TLJ here, just pointing out that TFA was trash and JJ is a hack).
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No.32262
>>32260
I would have rather watched 2girls1cup
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No.32264
So, with the recent Kathleen Kennedy interview, I guess The Rise of Skywalker title means absolutely nothing to the story. It's just a clickbait title that is suppose to evoke a certain emotion. I would have thought they'd save such a twist for when the actual movie drops. Then again, can I trust any word that comes out of Kennedy's mouth since she has shown no understanding of Star Wars and has cancelled projects that were close to completion before? She seems more like a figurehead now than anyone taking control.
Also, her and I think JJ say that Palpatine was planned from the start for the sequel trilogy, even though I don't remember any hints of his involvement that could have been foreshadowed. They did say they had a hard time trying to fit him in and I guess reintroducing him in the final episode of this saga was the best choice?
The more I look into this, the more confused I am in what they're going to accomplish with this movie. If he's alive: you ruin Darth Vaders redemption, if he's a clone: you're taking stuff from the EU and Dark Empire; if he's a ghost: then he should be able to do world interacting lightning like Yoda did in TLJ; if it's a hologram: is it a small part that was overblown just for celebration or did he have a giant master plan that will link every major event that has happen all across the prequel, original and sequel trilogy in a neat package and how it all went according to plan. Just raises too many questions than answers which is what they want, but the final episode is where all the answers that are major must be answered.
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No.32265
>>32264
>Also, her and I think JJ say that Palpatine was planned from the start for the sequel trilogy, even though I don't remember any hints of his involvement that could have been foreshadowed.
I find this difficult to reconcile with earlier statements I read from JJ saying that he hadn't planned out the story for the trilogy when he did TFA, and other statements from Rian that implied he had very little to work with in terms of planned plot points when he took on TLJ.
>The more I look into this, the more confused I am in what they're going to accomplish with this movie
They're trying to make lots of money by appealing to normie's predisposition for consuming large amounts of content with brand names that they recognize. They put the name "Skywalker" in the title because normies recognize it; they included Palpatine because normies recognize him. All of this is soulless manipulation of people's nostalgia for a franchise that doesn't really exist anymore because Disney has been running into the ground for the past seven years.
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No.32266
>>32265
>normie
Stop that, you're giving us Imperials a bad name.
Anyways, I agree. This movie looks like complete fucking nostalgia bait so far.
>LOOK PALPY'S BACK
>DUDE SKYWALKER LMAO
>EPIC BACKFLIPS OVER NOT-TIE INTERCEPTOR
Don't ask questions just consume product and then get excited for next products.
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No.32269
>>32143
> give the brand one last chance, and if this movie fails kill it for good.
Please god.
>>32262
Based as fuck
Honestly I am too jaded to give a shit about this trailer. I told my buddy the movie name before he saw the news. He litterly thought I was joking. Mouse shills will flock to it like soysheep. Normies will see it depending on hype and reviews. Who knows if it will 'flop' or make gangbusters. Hopefully pic related happens.
For me the only good thing to come out of this move is more dope music from John Williams. It will be his last composure for Star Wars. They are always great to play when /tg/ing.
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No.32270
>>32269
>the mouse fears the hedgehog
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No.32271
Given that Captain Marvel is a megahit, there's no way the hordes of semen drinking soy cuckolds that were once the white race don't trundle off to get their injection of kike pozz and weep while they do so.
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No.32273
>>32271
I've been thinking about it a bit, and I wouldn't be so sure. Remember, Soylo did fail. Granted, it ended up costing as much to make as Infinity War, but you have to remember the foreign market does not give a single shit about Star Wars. Capeshit is extremely popular overseas for some reason, but Star Wars is dead at this point outside of America. It's the Xbox of movie franchises at this stage. Each movie has done worse and worse in China to the point where they probably won't even accept IX to be shown. Disney can only rely on the domestic box office, so it all boils down to how many pissed out people can be baited by Jar Jar Abram's nostalgia pandering again. I'm betting 500-700mil. Enough for them to trumpet victory like they've defeated all the misoynerd nazi trolls, but clearly doing poorly enough to shelve the series before it completely collapses on them.
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No.32274
>>32271
>Captain Marvel is a megahit
Disney bought up a bunch of tickets to the movie with their own budget. It's not as successful as you may have been led to believe. Also add all the shill costs, and it might not even be profitable.
Of course, profit is not Disney's primary goal. That would be propaganda built upon the raping of childhood dreams.
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No.32275
>>32274
Forgot global stat. Probably did make profit then, fug. But still less than the number suggests.
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No.32276
>>32274
>Disney bought up a bunch of tickets to the movie with their own budget.
There's no proof of that aside from a few anecdotes, which can be explained by how many theatres it was in. It was the ninth biggest marvel film on a per theatre basis, but it opened in more theatres than Black Panther.
It doesn't make much sense to buy your own tickets, since it will all come out in the report to shareholders, because if you spend the numbers necessary on tickets, you'll need to account for it, and the shareholders will blow a gasket.
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No.32277
>>32273
Based on the reaction at Star Wars celebration and all the crying faggots online, this thing will pull TFA numbers. The narrative will be Jew Jew has saved the trilogy.
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No.32278
>>32277
To be fair there were a lot of crying faggots for TLJ too. And SW Celebration is mostly faggots, shills and genderqueers who want to get in Rose Tico's pants.
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No.32279
>>32278
>To be fair there were a lot of crying faggots for TLJ too
Forgot to mention the same was true for Solo too.
>Solo's back!
>OMG the original duo returns!
>I CANT BELIEVE IT!
That and much more was all you kept hearing from these fat mouth breathing faggots, and looked how that turned out.
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No.32280
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>IX answers no questions
>just adds more mystery.
Bravo Abrams
>>32277
>The narrative will be Jew Jew has saved the trilogy.
I'm already starting to see bullshit like that and its pissing me off to no end.
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No.32281
>>32079
Anyone else notice the bit where Rey runs from the TIE is almost a shot for shot reproduction of that guy running from the plane in north by northwest?
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No.32283
>>32281
I hope someone makes a webm of that.
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No.32286
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No.32288
>>32243
Im calling it know Leiah got blacked by Lando and she is Kylo's half sister.
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No.32289
>>32286
Just looking at him is grossing me out.
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No.32290
>>32286
I can't decide what's worse: a universe in which this is someone's actual reaction to a movie trailer, or one in which people feel compelled to fake reactions this severe for trailers in order to get attention.
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No.32292
>>32290
If I could use ms paint I'd make tears pouring from his eyes.
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No.32293
>>32290
I'd say the latter. Some people will always get too hyped for their own good, but being an attention whore is definitely worse.
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No.32295
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>32276
>ninth biggest marvel film on per theatre basis
>opened in more theatres than black panther
>only took in 150mil opening weekend
yeah that's definitely fudged numbers to appease shareholders
>>32277
>TFA numbers.
no sw movie will ever hit 2bn again, that was a stroke of luck and the fact that people realized it was a decade since the last episode, and gave heavily into their nostalgia
also, nobody's ever really gone
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No.32297
>>32177
looks like a shopping cart wheel with a lamp on it.
Jesus fuck they are getting desperate to sell toys
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No.32310
>>32295
>Even people who are really gone aren't really gone.
Peter Cushing deserved better.
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No.32311
>>32310
i liked the tarkin cameo in rogue one, but someone said that he should have never turned his head around and i think that would have been for the better. keep him always looking out the window at the plebs below, feels much more tarkin.
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No.32331
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No.32351
>>32148
>but it will make its money
Are you certain? Neither Soylo nor the last Jewdi made a profit and even a number of normalfaggots are getting sick and tired of Yidney bullshit.
In fact all we need them to do is just wait a few days for the first reviews/ feedback and unless it is actually good, which is fucking can't be cause Jew Jew is a hack, they will ignore it.
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No.32352
>>32351
It all depends on China and Japan, and I think we can count on them to keep the movie from getting to 1 billion since both VII and Solo were burnouts over there.
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No.32358
>>32178
How many millions did the artist get paid to design this thing?
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No.32361
>>32351
the normalfag reactions have been very positive towards it
also last jew made some profit, not much but some, soylo is the only one so far to make zero returns
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No.32362
>>32351
IX will obviously be mediocre, but not quite offensive enough to anger normalfags as much as VIII
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No.32364
>>32362
this, the nostalgia bait is heavy and the normalfags are mostly eating it up. as i've said before it will make some profit, i just don't think it will make a lot.
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No.32365
>>32364
>>32362
Jew Jew had everything in the first movie. Time, money, a blank slate when it came to the story and he still only produced mediocre garbage.
Now he has to untangle the fucking mess Johnson left for him, who hilariously shat up every single one of JJ mystery boxes.
Even a talented director with actual love for the franchise would have tremendous difficulty salvaging this wreck, for Jew Jew it is absolutely impossible.
Best indicators are how much fucking pandering they are squeezing into this film. The fucking title is pandering for the Emperor's sake.
I honestly don't believe that Yidney could make a decent movie if their lives depended on it. Outside the capeshit movies that were made by the Russos with a lot of creative freedom, everything else was a pile of shit.
The positive reactions are either faggots falling for nostalgia which can pass really quickly or retards HOPING this will be good, trying to talk themselves into it being good, hyping themselves even though most know it is going to be shit.
I mean, seriously, how the fuck could it not?
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No.32367
>>32358
>millions
Doubtful. Production artists are paid,at most, a comfortable living. When you get to the big industry level, whether in film or vidya, the vast majority of artists are treated as a disposable resource.
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No.32372
>>32223
>a few years past since 8
So they’re so unoriginal they’re even copying the timeline of the OT? Christ.
>A women standing in the desert is tension building
>I went fuck yeah because predictable contrived pointless slow-mo acrobatics got me excited
Who the fuck is this guy?
>The Rise of Skywalker
>I like it
How? It’s objectively a bad title, probably the worst so far.
It’s hard to watch, how can you be an adult with children but not able to critically analyze a trailer without getting giddy like a child? The very first thing they show is pure eye candy drivel. Also what’s the point of having your body take up 1/3 of the frame if you’re going to wear a helmet? We don’t need his hand movements so why not just show the trailer and voice over? Is he so vain to think people watching that video want to see him 5 times more than the trailer?
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No.32373
>>32372
actually it's one year, which is also specifically the time gap between empire and jedi, so yes direct copying
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No.32374
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No.32375
>>32373
How can they be so creatively bankrupt? After 7 they should have know that they could film Rey waiting in line for an hour and a half at the space registry and then taking her pilots licence test and they would make money. They can anything they want they they chose to do this.
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No.32376
>>32375
they were creatively bankrupt to begin with anon, that's why 7 was IV + EU
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No.32378
>>32376
That’s what I’m saying, if normalfags ate up such a creatively barren remake that should have told Disney they can do ANYTHING and get results but they continued to make unoriginal trash, I’ve heard RO was okay but it certainly wasn’t original.
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No.32383
>>32378
eh even normalfags will only stoop so low. i know a lot of libtards who didn't like captain marvel.
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No.32384
>>32378
One issue is that they ate it up wholesale on hype alone, but plenty of them turned sour on it once that died down and criticisms were recognized; Think of it like food-poisoning, that "blue" cooked burger might have been delicious and juicy as it went in, but once it's settled for a bit it leaves you camping in the toilet for the rest of the night shitting out your intestines. That was TFA for a fair few.
P.S. Always make sure your burgers are properly cooked through.
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No.32387
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No.32388
>>32295
>yeah that's definitely fudged numbers to appease shareholders
Then they are doing a shitty job and focusing on the wrong thing, because Disney is in deep shit due to ESPN collapsing. It's a lot of effort for something that would get your ass thrown in prison for decades and doesn't impact the bottom line much.
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No.32394
>>32388
>being this surprised
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No.32396
>>32388
>because Disney is in deep shit due to ESPN collapsing
Disney gave up its holdings in its sports networks in exchange for being allowed to acquire Fox.
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No.32399
Calling it now. Palpatine is gonna appear as a force ghost with zero explanation for his absence in the previous 2 sequels. JJ bases his movies purely off nostalgia and will throw in Palps only because he appeared fully in Episode 6 and 9 is just gonna be a reskin of 6.
I'm so fucking done with Star Wars. I really hope this is the end so this nightmare can just fucking end.
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No.32401
look on the bright side:
once the Yidney trash barge finally sinks and normies stop caring, we can entirely throw all the new shit out the window and go back to comfy shitposting and arguing amongst ourselves using the real lore.
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No.32404
>>32396
I don't see that anywhere. Do you have a link?
>>32394
Look you can be in denial but the truth is there are legions of semen-drinking soyfaggots out there who lap up everything Marvel and Star Wars.
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No.32405
>>32399
I would guess he's in it for five minutes as a force ghost or sith holocron and makes a few vague statements to Kylo Ren, then is out of the movie. I think it's being massively overstated how big his role is.
JJ was terrified people would learn Ian McDiarmid was on set, my guess is he was there for one or two days because the kike is so paranoid to keep everything under the blanket until release date. He wouldn't write him a big part purely for that reason.
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No.32408
>>32081
>hurr x is bad because i say so
Back in the day, when imageboards were good, you had to back up your opinions with arguments and reason. Since imageboards are filled with redditfags, children and normalfags, you can spout your opinion and people jus' gotta deal wid id dawg.
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No.32409
>>32081
Cucks…? Oh, you mean redditors ebin memelords! Wait, why are you describing the users of 8gag?
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No.32415
>>32408
>Back in the day
Anyone who goes around making claims that they're an oldfag are usually the youngest fags of all.
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No.32417
I don't…uhh, I can't…umm…hmm…well, shit.
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No.32419
>>32417
No moment strikes me worse than the one where Rey jumps the Tie Fighter. Even Genndy's OP Windu action wasn't that cringy.
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No.32422
>>32133
>tie shark
It looks like a tie interceptor to me. I've never heard of a tie shark.
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No.32425
>>32422
I'm pretty sure its a joke about "Jumping the Shark" the point a show crosses where its beyond saving.
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No.32426
I thought I would be angry, but honestly I'm just tired.
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No.32427
>>32425
I know what jumping the shark is. I think what he is saying is that she is jumping the tie fighter, and it's analogous to jumping the shark. Also I have brain damage.
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No.32428
>>32288
>and she's Kylo's half sister
This 'cept Lando isn't Reys father
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No.32429
>>32404
>Look you can be in denial but the truth is there are legions of semen-drinking soyfaggots out there who lap up everything Marvel and Star Wars
who said i was denying this? on the contrary it's never been more true than ever. what isn't true is these fuckers making up the majority of customers like yidsney wants you to think.
>>32401
>once the Yidney trash barge finally sinks and normies stop caring, we can entirely throw all the new shit out the window and go back to comfy shitposting and arguing amongst ourselves using the real lore.
that never stopped here, all that started was arguing EU and arguing DU separately.
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No.32463
>>32404
>I don't see that anywhere. Do you have a link?
Looks like I was mistaken - it's not that Disney gave up ESPN, it's that they're being forced to get rid of all of Fox's regional sports networks because they already own ESPN.
>>32399
>with zero explanation for his absence in the previous 2 sequels
Nah, they'll say he was the real power behind Snoke, and he was manipulating everything from the shadows.
>JJ bases his movies purely off nostalgia and will throw in Palps only because he appeared fully in Episode 6 and 9 is just gonna be a reskin of 6.
I think this is going to be mostly true, especially given what we've seen in the trailer. However I doubt it will be as much of a copy/paste job as TLJ was, since they've apparently consulted with Lucas when writing the script: https://archive.is/tgLvO
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No.32469
I hope this isn't a shitty low-rent knockoff of Dark Empire
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No.32470
>>32463
>they've apparently consulted with Lucas when writing the script
Sure.
>Hey, Georgie-boy, what did you think of the draft we sent over?
<It's a piece of shit, go fuck yourself, I should never have sold this franchise
>Thanks pal, glad to have you onboard. We just needed a quick opinion so we're not lying when we put your name on this thing. Don't forget to smile for the news cameras.
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No.32472
>>32470
I think the fact that they even put forth effort to posture as if they're working with Lucas, coupled with recent announcements that Disney intends to "take a break" from Star Wars after ep9, shows that they understand how seriously they've bungled the IP.
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No.32474
>>32469
Oh it will be… It will be.
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No.32482
>>32469
given JJ's current track record of remaking the OT and sprinkling EU bits on it, i wouldn't be surprised if that happened.
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No.32485
>>32463
>However I doubt it will be as much of a copy/paste job as TLJ was
>desert planet
>skiffs
>literally the second death star
>palpatine
TLJ at least put the battle at the end and the jedi training in the beginning to make it seem different, JJ isn't even trying
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No.32488
>>32079
the funny thing is fans that had a lot of interesting theories to the Disney EU and what the filmmakers did nothing interesting with the lore
I wonder how they gonna explain Rey`s Mary Sue power
Theory of this youtube user:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIq5eLn3YOg
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No.32490
>>32485
>TLJ at least
TLJ was shit. It did nothing well.
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No.32491
>>32488
JJ Abrams said he's retconning Rey's parents into being really fucking important. I swear if he makes her Leia's daughter I'm gonna puke.
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No.32494
>>32491
When I saw Rey and Leia crying and hugging in the trailer my first thought was that something like that had just been revealed to her.
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No.32497
>>32491
She's the daughter of Leia and Holdo.
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No.32501
Well, with recent rumors, it looks like Palpatine is a hologram after all found long ago that turned Kylo and The Rise of Skywalker is because they have a speech across the universe about Luke's story at the end and they rise up. The MacGuffin for Rey's journey is to find this all powerful weapon to stop the first order, hopping from planet to planet and it's revealed that it was a broadcasting base in the 2nd death star where the speech will take place. That sounds so lame that its gotta be true. JJ is known to flub the endings of anything he's involved in and that would seem like something stupid he would pull off.
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No.32503
>>32501
>at the end and they #RISEUP
I instantly believe this is true. Fits with the propaganda messages Disney wants out of nu-Wars perfectly, and is the only story-possible route for the "protagonists" to win, even if retarded.
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No.32504
>>32501
>Palpatine is a hologram
I hope so because Normalfags will probably hate that. Now the whole buzz is about seeing the Emperor again. If he's just a hologram people will be pissed.
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No.32505
>>32490
i didn't say it did it good, i just said there was something of an attempt to hide the obvious remake that it was
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No.32508
>>32505
Any deviation was Rian Johnson thinking he was being clever.
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No.32509
>>32503
>>32501
>>32504
If it's true (and I do find it to be extremely likely), then that's great for us. Right now, the soy hordes are fear grimacing because muh prequel maymays. If JJ manages to flub the ending this bad, and disappoints the soyboys in the audience, it may not just hurt them in the box office but also their new streaming service for The Mandalorian. Hell, this may just not kill the films for the forseeable future, but also the nu-EU. There was already anger against TLJ which hurt their bottom line, but what happens when that furious anger is replaced with something worse, complete apathy?
It means that there will be a void left as the franchise fades into irrelevance in the face of new contenders like the MCU. A void that autists like us, the Umman Manda of Star Wars fans, will be able to fill.
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No.32541
>>32501
So what I'm hearing is, the whole thing will be a thinly-veiled call for leftists to march through the institutions even more so that they can spread propaganda in the name of #RESISTing Emperor Palpadrumpf.
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No.32550
>>32501
It just occurred to me: Wouldn't the New Republic have been making motivational broadcasts about their heroes' deeds ALL THE TIME? Why would this transmission about Luke's story be any different from those other broadcasts?
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No.32571
>>32550
Don't worry, they used the entirety of Episode 7 to set up the wholesale destruction of the New Republic's core worlds, just so they wouldn't have to think about plotholes like that
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No.32604
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No.32643
>>32470
Does George actually regret selling the franchise? As much money as he got from it, I would of instantly regretted it. It would be like selling my love child out as a sex slave.
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No.32648
>>32643
That's not far off what he said on the matter, around when TFA released.
>"These are my kids. All the Star Wars films," Lucas said. "I love them, I created them, I'm very intimately involved in them."
>"I sold them to the white slavers that take these things, and…" he added with a laugh, leaving the sentence incomplete.
Of course, he immediately had to backpedal and say what an incredible job Disney is doing.
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No.32654
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No.32655
>>32654
Why is the audio so out-of-sync with the video?
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No.32739
>>32509
i don't think it will flop. Make less money then Rehash Awakens, maybe less than Last Abortion but it will make them a profit (there are too many people who don't give a shit about decent writing)
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No.32758
>>32509
Oh, the MCU is going down as well.
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