Title: The Unflappable Flaccid
Setting: A cozy, dimly lit restaurant. Romantic music plays softly in the background. At a corner table, a man named Jack, dressed in a neat but slightly nerdy outfit, sits nervously across from a stunning woman named Pixie. Pixie is vibrant and exudes a magnetic sexual energy. She has long, flowing hair, full lips painted a bold red, and wears a figure-hugging dress that accentuates every curve of her body.
Jack: (fidgeting with his napkin) So, Pixie, it’s great to finally meet you in person. I’ve read a lot about, um, your interests on your profile.
Pixie: (leaning forward with a mischievous smile, her cleavage visible in the low-cut dress) Oh, I’m sure you have, Jack. I’m pretty adventurous. What about you?
Jack: (nervously) Well, I’ve been, uh, working on something pretty unique. I’ve been training myself to always stay flaccid. You know, to never get an erection. It’s a discipline thing.
Pixie: (eyes widen, clearly intrigued but mostly appalled) Really? That’s… different. Most guys I date are more into, let’s say, performing at peak capacity.
Jack: (laughing awkwardly) Yeah, I thought I’d take a different route. You know, challenge myself. It’s kind of like being a Zen master, but for, um, other parts.
Pixie: (recovering, starting to see the humor) Wow, Jack, you’re like a kung fu master for your pants. Do you wear a black belt in impotence?
Jack: (trying to keep it together) Well, it’s all about mental control. I’ve trained my mind to associate arousal with relaxation. It’s like reverse psychology for my, um, equipment.
Pixie: (giggling, leaning in sensuously) Oh, Jack, you’ve turned self-sabotage into an art form! What do you say when you look down there? “Down, boy! Stay!”
Jack: (blushing) It’s, um, a little more complicated than that.
Pixie: (smirking, eyes gleaming wickedly) Do you, like, use ice packs? I’m picturing you with a bag of frozen peas, just chilling down there.
Jack: (trying to stay composed) Actually, yeah. Sometimes I do. It helps keep things under control when I, um, watch stuff.
Pixie: (laughing) Oh my God, you’re serious! So, you’re there, ice pack in hand, watching porn? What do you start with, hardcore and work your way down to… I don’t know, cooking shows?
Jack: (nervously chuckling) Sort of. I usually start with something intense, and as my arousal fades, I switch to more vanilla stuff. It’s all about staying relaxed.
Pixie: (leaning closer, her voice low and sultry) And what about other, um, techniques? You mentioned discipline. Do you, like, spank it with a ruler?
Jack: (blushing deeply) Not exactly. But I do use, um, other methods. Like, I might use a dildo on myself while staying soft. It helps keep my mind focused.
Pixie: (mockingly pouting) Oh, poor baby. So, you’re telling me you’re sitting there, ice pack on one end, dildo on the other, and just chilling? Literally?
Jack: (embarrassed but trying to stay calm) Yeah, something like that.
Pixie: (giggling) This is priceless. Do you talk to it? “Now, now, little buddy, don’t get any ideas. Stay soft, stay calm.”
Jack: (forced laugh) It’s all about mental focus, really.
Pixie: (leaning back, crossing her arms) Jack, you’re a real piece of work. Here I am, looking my best, and you’re telling me you’ve trained yourself not to get aroused. What a confidence booster!
Jack: (defensively) It’s not about you, Pixie. It’s about control.
Pixie: (sarcastically) Oh, I get it. Control. You’ve got it all figured out. Meanwhile, your equipment’s on permanent vacation. What a catch.
Jack: (starting to feel the sting) I thought you’d understand. Maybe even appreciate the discipline it takes.
Pixie: (brutally) Appreciate? Jack, I came here looking for a man who can handle himself, not one who’s turned his crotch into a frozen tundra. You’ve got issues, and frankly, they’re not sexy.
Jack: (hurt, looking down) I thought it was something different. Something to be proud of.
Pixie: (standing up, tossing her napkin on the table) Different, sure. Proud? Not so much. Enjoy your ice packs and dildos, Jack. I’m out of here.
Narrator: And so, Jack’s evening ended in the cold reality of his own making, realizing that sometimes, the pursuit of control can lead to the ultimate loss.
End Scene.