/hikki/ - Hikikomori

>>5263

>You guys got me really paranoid about diabetes. I looked up the symptoms and luckily I'm in the clear for now.

You're lucky anon i just did the same thing i researched the symptoms and it looks like that i may be showing early signs.

>Hunger and fatigue.

>Peeing more often and being thirstier

>Dry mouth and itchy skin

>Blurred vision

>Nausea and vomiting

All of these have been happening to me and i'm scared to be honest.

I'm pretty much tired and sick all the damn time

I don't what's wrong with me I feel like I'm exhausted and sick no matter how long I've been asleep I always wake up tired and dizzy to be honest I have a shitty habits be it eating habits or other general habits I eat very unhealthy food and I don't exercise or training at all whatsoever,however, I don't think that it's the cause of my tiredness

>>5605

>Pills. Cholecalciferol, which is apparently vitamin D3. A doctor wanted me to take it a long time ago because of my lack of exposure to sunlight, or something. Just kept taking them once a week since then so I don't have to worry about it.

I take 2 of the gummy candies everyday they actually taste pretty damn good.

>Maybe you need a better chair. Try to get used to moving more as well

Funny that you say that because a few months ago i actually threw out my old computer chair and my dad bought me a new one because it was falling apart.

>Try to get used to moving more as well. You can relieve stress if you do that, and there's no one around to judge you for looking insane, so you can do what you want. Party as hard as you want. It gives you more energy as well

I'll. keep this in mind thanks anon.

>If you need to lose weight, just stop drinking soda and eating sugar and move around more and you will lose tons of it.

I'm actually a skinny person so i need to gain weight.

>I think mastered the healthy hikikomori lifestyle. It's pretty good, everyone should do it. Seriously, take advantage of your laziness like me. Be too lazy to eat. You will eventually realize that you only want these things because you're addicted to them, like a drug addict. Just reject them entirely.

Sounds very comfy tbh.

>>5607

I forgot to mention that I used a normal chair for a day and that destroyed my back in just an hour or two. Actually, I had these issues in school as well. Being tall probably didn't help. Later on when I tried trade school, being healthier and having a better metabolism, it actually got even harder, because having to stay there for so long, I wasn't able to move around, and therefore I was accumulating massive amounts of stress in my body. Getting up and doing stretches (because that's more socially acceptable than just freely moving like you're crazy) only helped so much. On top of that, my back didn't like those chairs very much at all.

>Sounds very comfy tbh.

It is, as long as I don't get out of my routine. Just mentioned this in another post, but even knowing that I will have to do so in a few days makes me miserable, because I can't sleep no matter how tired I am, it feels like my heart is about to explode and like I'm suffocating, and being sleep deprived makes me suicidal. Sometimes I hit myself, trying to knock myself out, but I never do it hard enough so that doesn't work. It's also a way for me to relieve the physical stress of not being able to move (since I'm trying to sleep). I always hope that at least the pain will distract me from my thoughts and calm me down, but it never does.

Basically, I do like my current life and I haven't left my comfort zone even slightly in months, but if I have to do anything out of the ordinary, then it quickly turns into hell and it takes at least a month for me to go back to my normal comfy self. It paralyzes me and I can't do much for that long, so I try to relax. It seems like my entire body, including my brain, works against anything that goes against my lifestyle. Autism is fun, but only when you're not being forced to try not being autistic. I want to live like this forever, if possible. The alternative seems nightmarish to me. At worst, I will get some night shift security job with nobody around, no noise and no expectations (so I can avoid sensory overload) and get used to that, and then do it forever so I never have another meltdown again. Definitely never going back to school, that's for sure.

>>5616

I have no idea what it is, but there are a bunch of clues, and the fact that the doctors didn't do shit makes me angry. Even the soda is a clue. Why does it help? What kind of issue would improve because of that? The fact that being around other people triggers it means that it's related to stress and anxiety. Since the pain is abdominal, it's safe to say that it's something wrong there, so they even know where the issue is.

If the doctors haven't figured it out, then the doctors are incompetent. A doctor has to find out what it is. You know where the pain is located, that it's making you piss blood and that soda helps for some reason and that the stress of being around people makes it worse (being a recluse probably increases that vulnerability, so it happens more easily now). There's no excuse. If this is causing a lot of pain and making you lose tons of blood, it has to be solved. It's not a generic issue, but they know where it is and what triggers it, because you told them, so there's definitely enough information for them to figure out a solution.

It pisses me off that a doctor would just give a bunch of generic explanations and give up when they're proven wrong just so they don't have to use their heads, and this is really common nowadays. Bunch of idiots in every profession, so you need to try a bunch of different people sometimes until you're lucky and find the right one. Doctors of all people are supposed to give more of a shit about people than this. This isn't right, go to a better one next time if you can and make sure that he does his job.

>>5608

>I forgot to mention that I used a normal chair for a day and that destroyed my back in just an hour or two. Actually, I had these issues in school as well. Being tall probably didn't help. Later on when I tried trade school, being healthier and having a better metabolism, it actually got even harder, because having to stay there for so long, I wasn't able to move around, and therefore I was accumulating massive amounts of stress in my body. Getting up and doing stretches (because that's more socially acceptable than just freely moving like you're crazy) only helped so much. On top of that, my back didn't like those chairs very much at all.

When i was in school i had to sit in these metal chairs and that would hurt my back and ass a lot.

>I can't sleep no matter how tired I am, it feels like my heart is about to explode and like I'm suffocating, and being sleep deprived makes me suicidal. Sometimes I hit myself, trying to knock myself out, but I never do it hard enough so that doesn't work. It's also a way for me to relieve the physical stress of not being able to move (since I'm trying to sleep). I always hope that at least the pain will distract me from my thoughts and calm me down, but it never does.

I think i may be developing insomnia due to the fact that i've been waking up really late and staying up even later now i usually go to bed around 5 30 am 6 am somewhere around there and wake up at 4 pm but for the last month i've been going to bed at 7 am and getting up at 8 pm i also lack any motivation to do any simple task like bathing cleaning or even just walking around I'm kinda sick of life tbh.

>I want to live like this forever, if possible. The alternative seems nightmarish to me. At worst, I will get some night shift security job with nobody around, no noise and no expectations (so I can avoid sensory overload) and get used to that, and then do it forever so I never have another meltdown again. Definitely never going back to school, that's for sure.

This will probably happen to me in the future if i can't find a way to support myself while in isolation by 2020 because in 2020 my Neetbux will expire and i am kinda scared of what will happen to me in the future.

>>5659

I go to bed around 10 am and wake up around 6 pm. Don't think you're an insomniac, you're just sleeping too much. I sleep 8 hours because the day is short enough as it is, so I sleep just enough to not feel bad and depressed. Personally, I can sleep just fine as long as I don't get out of my routine. Even knowing that I'm going to do that soon screws with my head and I can't get it out of my mind. Even if I don't have to change my sleep schedule, I still can't sleep if I have something like that in mind. I am terrible with change if I can't do it instantly, while mentally prepared for it, and take care of the entire issue at once before I go to bed again (and you can imagine how much that limits me professionally).

I don't have that kind of lack of motivation either, because I don't fully allow myself to spend all of my time doing nothing (I have way too much stuff to watch and play, so I always try to do something). Not that much. Sometimes I slow down and don't do that many things (generally when I start to feel the need to so things with someone else, but I don't have anyone), but I always keep myself clean and looking good because looking like shit isn't something that I can stand at this point. In order to survive, I have to at least have something pleasant to see in the mirror (except my stubborn and inconsistent hair when it feels like looking like crap, because I'm not a woman so I wasn't taught how to make it look good, then again, I wasn't taught anything at all), despite how enormous my laziness may be. It also reduces my fear of being seen by other people because I know I look good. I could already fap to myself, so I guess it's working.

Overall, I never stop doing things that I have to do every single day because they are such a permanent part of my routine that my autism itself doesn't allow me to stop doing them. Try to get used to doing these things every day. Ideally including exercise, no matter how trivial it is. Really, having the habit of doing something, no matter low lazily you do it, is better than working hard but very occasionally because at least you won't completely stop doing it. Take advantage of your repetitive tendencies as much as you can. Don't do it too quickly, though. Choose one habit and just do that for a month of two until you get used to it, then choose another one. Understand how your own mind works and learn how to exploit it. Do that and have fun with your hobbies and you should eventually have more energy, at least. If you're going to be a hikikomori, you might as well have fun.

>>5652

>Can you try carbonated water, diet soda, and club soda?

ill give them a run through.

>Do you exert a lot of downward pressure on your abdominal region when your sitting?

i use to sit resting my chin on my knees all the time but as of a year ago or so i started getting restless so after a period of time i will sit in a different position mostly in the squatting position though.

>>5661

>That's not insomnia you're already sleeping for over than 13 hours, according to what you said, but if you encounter any problems while trying to fall asleep, try to order sleep medication.

>Another option if you see a psychiatrist occasionally, then tell him that you are not able to sleep as comfortably as you used to.

I've read online and heard from others in the past that sleep medication doesn't actually work though i guess it's different for everyone and it may vary on the individual.

>I know how you feel anhedonia sucks and it's taking it's tool on me too, I can't enjoy anything no more, just watching youtube and TV all the day until I get bored and fall asleep.

Yeah that's pretty much a typical day of mine all my days run together for the most part and sometimes i forget shit.

>Sick of seeing all my siblings happy and successful, and sick of them looking down on me and calling me names, sick of my parents yelling at me and being disappointed because I've failed them.

Same here seeing my siblings happy and successful, makes me depressed knowing that i didn't have what they have when i was in my late teens or early 20s an apartment a car and a decent life makes me sad to be honest and everyday i think of killing myself. My mom is so delusional she thinks i can make it out in society but i can't even leave the house alone unless it's a place that's close to home that doesn't require much social interaction like a fast food place or the store which i go once a month to buy food and that's about it. But honestly i don't know what to do anymore.

>I think you've to find a work from home, you still have the time to master another languages, programming, translating etc, even though you're tired and sick to do anything you've to do it, otherwise you will wageslave which hell on earth for a shut in.

True i technically do still have time to build up my computer skills i guess only time will tell.

>>5670

>My mom is so delusional she thinks i can make it out in society but i can't even leave the house alone unless it's a place that's close to home that doesn't require much social interaction like a fast food place or the store which i go once a month to buy food and that's about it. But honestly i don't know what to do anymore.

I know how you feel, my parents are so deluded too they think I can run on the society's circle again, when I can't even crawl

But in my situation, I'm being forced to join society again they want me to go back to school, to finish my exams and to find a job.

Its torture everyday, they can't understand that I'm can't even leave the apartment and go the nearby store.

They're so blind, I don't even have any cloth and my old cloth don't fit me anymore because I've gained weight during my isolation, I wear a short and a T-shirt and I never changed them since almost 2 years ago, I wash them though.

Realistically, someone as broken as me don't have the guts to join society again, and play the shitty game.however, they keep pushing me towards success and they totally forget that my first reason to become a shut in was because of them, they used to fight alot and yell at eachother, my mom used to tell us that she hates my father, and I heard her a couple of times cheating on him, that result in me being afraid of the outside world and of relationships in general, but they tell me that it's all my fault nonetheless.

I accepted my situation as a shut in and basically these days I'm just waiting for my death to come.

Btw, I'm new here I posted on r9k yesterday and coincidentally, I found this board a place where I can share my feelings with people like me that sounds like heaven.

whosoever created this board thank you

>>5664

> Don't think you're an insomniac, you're just sleeping too much

Yeah that's probably the case.

>I don't have that kind of lack of motivation either, because I don't fully allow myself to spend all of my time doing nothing (I have way too much stuff to watch and play.

I used to be like this i would get enjoyment out of the things i did now i don't even enjoy that much anymore it's all just a form of escapism to be perfectly honest with you.

>I always keep myself clean and looking good because looking like shit isn't something that I can stand at this point. In order to survive, I have to at least have something pleasant to see in the mirror.

I generally for the most part try to keep myself clean although sometimes i procrastinate and lack the motivation to do so. I did do my laundry yesterday which had been piled up in my room for 3 weeks and now i finally got all of my dirty clothes cleaned.

>Try to get used to doing these things every day. Ideally including exercise, no matter how trivial it is. Really, having the habit of doing something, no matter low lazily you do it, is better than working hard but very occasionally because at least you won't completely stop doing it. Take advantage of your repetitive tendencies as much as you can. Don't do it too quickly, though. Choose one habit and just do that for a month of two until you get used to it, then choose another one. Understand how your own mind works and learn how to exploit it. Do that and have fun with your hobbies and you should eventually have more energy,

This is some amazing advice i will . keep this in mind thanks anon.

>At least. If you're going to be a hikikomori, you might as well have fun.

I think we can both agree on that.

>>5676

>I can see but that doesn't bother me at all, it looks comfy and I can interact with the people here.

Glad to have you here anon.

>It was my first time to post on Imageboard yesterday because I got sick of being a lurker for years due to the fear of being judged, I bet you understand.

Yes i do understand Imageboards especially the /b/ board can be hostile at times but here on /hikki/ it is just comfy hikikomori blog post and feels.

>W-ow how are you still alive and how do you support yourself?

I am only 24 and to an extent i am content with my life also i used to live with my parents but i currently live in a group home with 2 other people and live off of neetbux although i am trying to make money online while doing online blogging.

>Thanks for welcoming me

You're welcome anon glad to have you here.

>>6237

> I've never brushed my teeth

Yeah there really is no reason to when you're a hiki unless you feel the need to. I still brush my teeth everyday because i don't wanna lose my teeth when i get older however when it comes to like say bathing i only do that once a week.

>Both my parents use tooth brushes with stiff bristles which cause my gums to bleed

That sucks anon.

>>6237

your gums bleed cause you never brush em. it's not dangerous, just keep brushing and your gums will get used to it and stop bleeding. don't brush to hard either

>>6265

>I've been a hikki off and on since I was 14. During my first time as a hikki, 2 years, my voice got harder and dropped in pitch and coarse hairs sprouted from mine face. My balls sag a lot lowere now, too. I shouldnt have spent all that time masturbating

Holy crap that hits so close to home i've been having the exact same problem for years now.

My gums are quite sensitive & sore after coming back from the dentist the other day. The hygienist & dentist were both amazed at how great my teeth look and how well they're doing (despite not taking care of them and not going to a dentist for many years), but she still must've got a lot of plaque and other shit from in there, which probably explains why my gums still feel so tender. It's just annoying is all. It's probably for the best that I went though, despite how uncomfortable it made me. As an example, while I was in the waiting room with my parents, there was a very loud nasty man complaining to the receptionist about how he was overcharged for something and it made me feel very anxious and unwell. The dentist & hygienist were also rather unpleasant in their own disingenuous way. Felt like I was in a cage filled with wild zoo animals the whole time. Mother came in with me when I was called, which made me feel a bit more at ease. She did all the talking and I just laid there and waited until the hygienist was finished with me. Unless my teeth literally start falling out, I'm never going to such a place again. It wasn't all that bad I guess, but leaving the house is not something I take lightly and a good part of me deeply regrets choosing to step foot out of here in the first place. Anyway, whatever. I'll just pretend it never happened.