/cow/ - Lolcows

>>719801

>this was not humorous and it will not be tolerated

Johnny's great. He's on /n/ and /newsplus/ all the time if you want to fuck with him.

>>>/n/734147

This thread contains some of his latest sperging. He's quite the "artist" with photoshop.

>>728049

>whole thread is just him crying "drumpf is gonna destroy the american hegemon!". He doesn't realize he's alone.

>>728179

He also has a very strange fixation on Jim bordering on the homoerotic.

>>719801

He had a thread for a while here on /cow/, but frankly he's uninteresting/a spamming faggot. There was a fag who was spamming pictures of the stock room of the grocery store he worked at, I banned him after taking control of /n/, and Johnny Neptune "mysteriously" popped up about a week later after the dunken doughnuts news thread went up. Just report him when you see him on /n/ and I'll throw another rangeban permaban his way. His IP pool seems to be much smaller than usual, so he's probably using up all the "free" proxy services available. There's not much to tell about him, but I can tell you what I know if you have questions. His name is Andrew and he lives somewhere near or along the east coast (we're pretty sure Georgia, but there's a few other speculated places).

Johnny Neptune is still busy being the grain of sand in your condom.

He has turned his meth-fueled Trump Derangement Syndrome on >>>/freedomzine/ as of late, and the BO is using the same tactics >>>/n/ and >>>/newsplus/ used on him… He'll run out of IPs or meth; one of the two, eventually! >>>/freedomzine/4696

Rumor has it that, in some of his antics, he recently foolishly gained the attention of the very organization he was threatening to use as a weapon against anons! Good luck with that!

I, for one, wish him aHAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!and look forward to the day when all those who use lefty Marxist tactics to silence dissent from mob-rule are PLEASE STOP TROLLING BRITBONG, HIS PARENTS ARE BEATING HIM AND HE WON'T STOP SCREAMING AT US IN DISCORD forever…

>>>freedomzine/4373

>>970253

The "Persona" known as "Johnny Neptune" is still around. Mostly on >>>/pnd/ now, with his "NOBODY CARES" comments and continuing TDS, even though the election was over half a year ago.

There's a thread documenting some of the Leftist Idiocy he has exhibited on >>>/freedomzine/ and >>>/newsplus/ over the last couple years:

>>>/freedomzine/4373

He thinks he "single-handedly destroyed this place!"

What a joke!

He's definitely prolific. He has no other life than trying to make everyone else as miserable as he is.

He even constantly bothers the FBI, turning in anons for being, (in his active imagination) "Domestic Terrorists", (including dufus Jim!) Imagine the FBI being forced to take someone like Andrew McGovern seriously!

One cannot imagine a more miserable excuse for humanity.

…..JOHNNY NEPTUNE HERE….

GREETINGS FROM THE REAL WORLD OUTSIDE OF YOUR MOTHER'S SPARE BEDROOM….

I'm so glad that I have been invited to participate in this thread, because after all, I am the only one who actually knows the real facts about my life, as opposed to repeated PARROTED copied and pasted misinterpretations and laughable misperceptions…

So I would be remiss if I failed to make the appropriate corrections, so none of you have to continue looking so woefully uninformed…

( this is the day when you finally learned how little you actually know, and if you have any semblance of a brain stem, you will learn from this mistake and hopefully prevent further embarrassment in the future )

SPEAKING OF EMBARRASSMENT :

When I was young, I had the same birth defect as you, the needless ability to be overwhelmed by embarrassment…

But I was cured of this malady at age 12, when I finally realized (during that a series of LSD experiences) that I was not like the other kids my age, and I would never fit in to societies preconceived norms….

So instead of trying to fit in, I embraced my weirdness…

Instead of being embarrassed, I made my weirdness work for me…

I embraced the ridicule and laughter of others, because why should I be embarrassed about being smarter than other people?

I turned my weirdness into an advantage

I am learned to own it, and I enjoy when other people laugh at me becauseI learned to laugh at myself

There are lots of peculiarities and funny aspects about me, but perhaps the funniest thing of all is howI AM NOT EVEN VAGUELY ASHAMED OF ANY OF MY NUMEROUS MISTAKES I HAVE MADE IN LIFE

In fact, I'm quite proud of my life so far and in particular, I respect myself for the way I managed to LEARN AND GROW from my mistakes, errors, fumbles and stupid decisions.

( when I am finished contributing today, hopefully you will also learn from your mistake of THINKING YOU KNOW, and your habit of passing judgment on people when YOU are in fact the one who is worthy of ridicule, due to your fear of failure and "lack of ever trying"…

( the simple fact remains that at your age, it's obvious you havefailed due to your fear of failure, which might be one of the funniest things I can possibly imagine )

Anyway.. gather the kids and the neighbors and sit back, as you enjoy today's lesson in reality…

Of course there are certain unknowledgeable, any experienced, and unjustifiably judgmental naysayers out there who will certainly suggest that my contributions to this thread today are overly loquacious….

For some reason, image board culture is literally woven from a fabric of people who never create their own original images, and rely on cookie cutter cliche downloaded pre-packaged memes, which they reupload again, as if they are actually contributing something in here…

And other than imagery, the only other viable aspect of these chat rooms which you foolishly refer to as "imageboards" isTHE WRITTEN WORD

Which is why it's so ironic that you modern day "chatroom culture" Experts of creative expression same so reluctant to actually Express Yourself in your own words, and instead rely primarily on cookie cutter pre-packaged trendy imageboard catch phrases and behaviors…

You all like to pat yourselves on the backs, reassuring yourself that you are elite compared to the boring predictable people you refer to as "normies"…

Yet you seem to lack the external perspective required to see yourselves as others see you :

namely YOUR DESPERATE NEED TOFINALLY"FIT IN"…

You are all so terrified that you won't be accepted unless you PARROT THE EXACT SAME TRENDY CATCHPHRASES…

SO needy of a false reassurance of "acceptance", that you are willing to stoop to the embarrassing level of using prepackaged cliche hackneyed embarrassing hand-me-down Trend-following unoriginal cheesy imageboard catch phrases in every sentence…

it's the literary equivalent of your DOWNLOADED UNORIGINAL MEMES that you re-upload to 'emphasize your individuality'…

"chad" this…. "stacey" that… "roastie" this… "normie" that…

It's very rare to find a post in an image board which does not include at least two of those embarrassing trendy catch phrases…

this is the same behavior of niggers, who all wear the same clothes, pants pulled below their ass, gold grills, repeating trendy nigger ebonic catchphrases

It's like a bunch of parrots…

You are Unique Individuals, who desperately bend over backwards in an attempt to behave exactly like everybody else, terrified you won't be accepted by the other parrots…

HOW UNIFORMLY UNIQUE OF YOU

So that basically eliminates the written word aspect, because I've never seen anybody express their individuality but squawking like a goddamn parrot…

and THATS EGG ZACK LEE whyyou always get bent out of shape when somebody like me ACTUALLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF IN HIS OWN WORDS

the fact that I will NEVER become a catchphrase parroting infuriates you.

and of course, in a forum of the written word, you will suggest my posts areTOO WORDY

and of course, in a forum of graphic images, you will suggest I am an outsider for beingthe only person who continually supplies a never-ending stream of my own handmade ORIGINAL DIGITAL GRAPHIC IMAGERY

translation :

go right ahead and laugh….

because I'm about to change the course of this thread FOREVER…

E N J O Y

RE: MY SCREEN NAME IN REAL LIFE

lol @ you pretending to be familiar with real life

NEWSPAPER ARTICLES ARE OFTEN FILLED WITH ERRORS….

for example: this one from 1993 didn't include the part of the interview where I explained how I ended up with the "screen name" Johnny neptune…..Neptune…..

I technically did my first professional illustration at age 6, being paid $20 to draw a picture of my first grade teacher…

but when I was 12, a publishing company in Atlanta heard about Andrew McGovern through word of mouth, and commissioned me to illustrate a magazine cover for $3,600…

100% true….. a 12 year old kid airbrushing a magazine cover for $3,600

but who is "Johnny Neptune"?

when I was 11, I used to draw cartoons, xerox them, and sell them at school for $1 each…

I developed an original character named JOHNNY NEPTUNE, who was an ironic mixture of Elvis and James Bond…

Johnny Neptune was the world's greatest SECRET AGENT, who worked for the U.S. SNEAKY SERVICE….

Secret Agent Johnny Neptune was continually saving the world from certain doom behind the scenes, and nobody ever realized how close the world had come to ending…

but ironically, he went "undercover" as THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS ENTERTAINER, like an Elvis figure…

Johnny Neptune would perform up on stage, then after the shows he would fly out to far-reaching areas of the globe, secretly defeating evil madmen bent on destruction….

on stage, his "backup band" was called THE FROGMEN, who played instruments while wearing full frogman outfits, complete with flippers, face masks and air tanks.

(in my story, the media discussed the rumors that talented musicians "The Frogmen" had nitrous oxide in the airtanks… completely unaware that The Frogmen were actually all HOT FEMALE SECRET AGENTS, who assisted Neptune in his Secret Agent victories)

and YES…. it was nitrous oxide

when I finished painting the magazine cover, I was about to sign my name Andrew McGovern, when at the last minute, I decided to sign it JOHNNY NEPTUNE

that's the story….

it's NOT a screen name… life is NOT an imageboard… there actually IS a world out there that doesn't involve imageboard catchphrases… you stupid fucking INEXPERIENCED LIFE FAILURE…

so, although the magazine cover was illustrated very well, everybody focused on the signed name Johnny Neptune

(see attached signature)

in fact, SO MANY people commented on the signature, that I decided to continue using it as my PROFESSIONAL ART PSEUDONYM….

I think developing the name Johnny Neptune in 1974 at the age of 11 was one of my very best creative accomplishments, because it's instantly recognizable and catchy, with a ping pong effect that bounces around in your mind after hearing it.. the four syllables seem to bounce in your memory, making it impossible to forget once you have heard it…

In fact, ever since I was 12, I noticed the strangest phenomenon :

Everybody seems to think they have already heard it before, because almost everybody tells me "oh, I've heard of you before" after I introduce myself, even though they haven't heard it before.. it just seems like a name you are already familiar with ( and that's the ping pong bouncing effect taking place )

Keep in mind that back in 1974, most people weren't coming up with wild crazy nicknames like everybody seems to do these days.. there was no Jimmy Neutron or Johnny Bravo back then (although I actually played a pivotal role in the development of the Johnny Bravo character, a story I will explain later)

So it's important to remember the era, back in 1974…. I'm not sure what you were doing at age 12, but I have a sneaking suspicion you were not illustrating magazine covers for $3,600 and developing cartoon characters or professional art pseudonyms… so when I see inexperienced little boys pretending to be judgmental adult males, suggesting that I'm using my screen name in real life, I am witnessing the evolution of the human race, where idiots who have no real life experiences think everything revolves around image boards, and who are stupid enough to assume the name Johnny Neptune is a screen name…

That pseudonym opened so many many doors for me, because every time I walked into a restaurant or nightclub to propose an oversized mural, I would introduce myself and the owner would tell me, "ahhh, so YOU'RE Johnny Neptune? I've heard of you before"…

Your egos are very fragile, which is exactly why you are threatened by me…

That's why it's so ironic you accuse me of being egomaniacal. That's exactly why you will insist the posts I'm creating are ego fueled.. yet that's not true at all.. I'm simply explaining the true story behind the thread you created about me.. how can I possibly explain this true story without discussing it?

Using the pseudonym Johnny Neptune was a very wise financial decision for a 12-year-old child, considering the fact that so many clients hired me and a lot of money using that pseudonym..

WHAT YOU WERE DOING AT AGE 12 :

Not getting any pussy, and playing video games

WHAT YOU ARESTILLDOING:

not getting any pussy, and playing video games

1975 was an epic pivotal year in my life, in many ways. That's the year I also began taking LSD on a regular basis, and self-actualized, no longer plagued by uncertainty or self-doubt, coming to the realization I literally did not give a flying fuck if people liked me or not, conquering my shyness and desire to fit in….

That's also the year I illustrated my first portrait of Elvis Presley for a celebrity, namely Jerry Lee Lewis, the famous'50s rock and roll musician who wrote the song Great Balls of Fire…

Jerry Lee Lewis is a living legend, and when I heard he was going to play at a nightclub called the great southeastern music hall in Atlanta Georgia, I painted a portrait of young Elvis Presley, the same young Elvis Presley that Jerry Lee Lewis knew in real life…

Imagine a 12-year-old kid going to a nightclub that served alcohol and presenting an internationally famous celebrity with a painting of Elvis Presley…

Now imagine Jerry Lee Lewis being blown away by the painting, and inviting the 12-year-old kid to take a front row seat in the nightclub where alcohol was being served and enjoying the show with all of the adults…

I told you the Johnny Neptune character opened many doors for me, and since I lived in Atlanta, which is a major US market, all of the biggest concert tours came through Atlanta, so I literally got to pick and choose which celebrities I wanted to paint Elvis for and go backstage..

Throughout my teenage years, I used my trademark Elvis painting technique to meet and befriend countless celebrities, always receiving ALL ACCESS PASSES (the real deal pass, not just a cheap meet and greet backstage pass) for myself and as many friends as I felt like bringing along with me…

I used to have a resume that listed all the names of the celebrities I had painted Elvis for, but I lost that list decades ago.. there's no way I could possibly begin to remember even one third of those names, but off the top of my head I can tell you several of them, although you are part of the younger generation who is too inexperienced and stupid to even recognize who most of them are…

Do the names Paul McCartney or if Mick Jagger ring a bell? I have some really interesting stories I could tell you about meeting Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney…

And as each year passed, the list got longer and longer. Pink floyd, the pretenders, Bono and The Edge from the band U2, Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran, Billy idol, Adam ant, Motley Crue (I was dating a gorgeous teenage girl from Liechtenstein, and she had crabby taste in music, and she wanted to meet Motley Crue so I painted a portrait of Elvis on fire for Vince Neil)

The list goes on and on and on, and I can't possibly even begin to remember all those names but they weren't just rockstars.. I also painted Elvis for Jay Leno and Andy Kaufman and even the cheesy schmaltzy actor Robert Goulet.

I'm sorry you spent your adult life pretending you're still a 12-year-old child, isolated in your mother's spare bedroom, playing video games and pretending to be a big an empty chat rooms…

Of course you are aware I see you I'm the same level of a 5 year old, because when I was 12 years old, I was already a professional illustrator who was making close personal friends with internationally famous celebrities, all of whom happened to be Elvis Presley fans..

And of course you are aware of the entire world laughs in your jealous bitter inexperienced little face, fat boy

INTERESTING FACT :

Unbeknownst to you, a majority of newspaper articles you read contain errors… lots of little errors and mistakes and accidentally omitted facts or even intentionally mistaken facts…

The reason you don't realize this is because you weren't involved in the creation of the newspaper articles, so how could you realize where they got details wrong?

For example, even though I was interviewed by the Atlanta Journal Constitution writer, he still managed to get facts wrong…

Notice that he says a frisbee flipping Elvis was painted into the exterior mural of the PAD THAI restaurant in Atlanta?

It's strange because my mural for pad thai definitely had Elvis in it, just like almost all of my murals do…

But the pad thai restaurant mural didn't have Elvis throwing a frisbee..

The Frisbee throwing Elvis was painted for a shopping center called AMSTERDAM WALK….

What seems like an obvious glaring error was somehow overlooked by the newspaper writer when compiling his article….

You would be surprised if you actually knew how much erroneous information and blatant mistakes you read in news articles every day.. human error

The reason I'm showing you the mistakes in the Atlanta Journal Constitution Article is simple…

It's something you should keep in mind from now on because almost every newspaper article you read has errors in it..

And the 2017 article about my arrest was quite literally the most shocking example of erroneous journalism…

I'm about to detail the actual story behind my arrest, and what I'm finished feel free to compare the true story to the newspaper article

You'll quickly realize the only thing the article got right was my name and the fact that I filed bankruptcy in 1996, which is a constitutional right of mine, and that's exactly why they have bankruptcy court, to protect citizens from Financial prison….

I'm not even vaguely embarrassed by the article about my arrest, because the real story has absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about…

I'm not embarrassed by the mugshot either, because I realize I look horrible in that photograph, but who cares? I wasn't on drugs, even though my wife and I both laugh about how the mugshot makes me look like I'm a drug addict or something.. just two days ago my wife mentioned it again, how ironic that I looked like a major tweaker, but at the time I wasn't doing any drugs at all, not even marijuana…

Plus, all of my subsequent photographs show what I look like when I'm not being arrested under false accusations…

Being arrested is not the same thing as being convicted, because anybody can be arrested without doing anything wrong, depending on the police officer…

But the case was thrown out by the judge because there was no crime committed…

I'm going to feed my cats and then I'll be back to tell you the true story behind my arrest for extortion in 2017, a story I enjoy telling because it's actually quite fascinating…

Later on you can tell me one of your fascinating stories about playing a video game.

Hello there. My name is Johnny Neptune, and there seems to be some confusion about me among some of your less knowledgeable readers and commenters…..

Which is completely understandable and par for the course, to be quite honest.

However, nobody actually understands the factual 6thdetails of my existence more than me, so I would very much enjoy the opportunity to contribute to the thread in which uninformed "imageboard culture" parrots squawk and repeat copied and pasted misunderstandings and misinterpretations gleaned from other such copying and pasting parrots..

it's like some kind of Gossip Mill, reminiscent of a bunch of old grandmothers whispering rumors….

I don't mind being laughed at, in fact I learned to embrace ridicule and misunderstanding from morons back when I was 12 years old

I actually enjoy it, because I freely admit that I am an unusual human in many ways…

However, I prefer people laugh at me for the correct reasons, instead of a misunderstanding based on their lack of real life firsthand experience out there in the real world….

For example, yes I was arrested in 2017 for attempted extortion.. which is a felony… but I was never convicted because the case was thrown out by the judge…. because there was no attempted extortion at all, if the judge who knew all of these specific details of the case decided there was no crime committee, obviously that speaks for itself..

These wet behind the ears sheltered introverted isolated video game chat room culture catchphrase parroting life novices don't seem to understand that being arrested there's not the same thing as being convicted.

In all actuality, my wife and I were paying customers at a Dunkin' Donuts restaurant, and the black female shift manager on duty actually stole my expensive high-end smartphone off our table when I was looking the other way talking to my wife… 100% true

When I turned around and noticed my phone wasn't on the table anymore, I looked up and saw her walking to the counter with my phone in her hand…

I said "wtf THATS MY PHONE!!" But of course, she rocked her head back and forth like a typical jive ass nigger, and handed my phone to her coworker behind the counter as she waved her finger in my face and said "I AINT GOT YO PHONE!"

So I called the Sheriff's Department and when the deputy got there the co-worker ran into the men's bathroom, then came running back out wide-eyed and terrified.

We found my phone in the garbage can in the bathroom, with the screen now shattered after being thrown into the bottom of the garbage can..

In 2017, my phone was the best possible model for my purposes, which is creating digital art, animated videos, 3D logos, and sequencing my original music ( I'm a professional artist, musician, audio engineer and 3D animator, who cut my teeth creating 3D animation back on the original Commodore Amiga before IBM platform could even handle color..) my days of sequencing and editing music on computers had transformed to creating my work on smartphones..

So I was Furious that my screen was shattered by a Dunkin' Donuts employee who tried to steal my phone while I was a paying customer. I was actually quite indignant about it..

For two weeks I politely tried to negotiate with the owner of the franchise, Who steadfastly refused to pay the $100 to replace the shattered screen on my phone.

( if McDonald's burns your French fries, the manager will profuse the apologize, and offer you free French fries and try to keep your business, but this eastern Indian turd never apologized, never fired the shift manager, and absolutely refused to accept responsibility for the cost of replacing the screen)

for me it was the principle of the matter. So I told him I was going to take him to small claims court, and on March 20th 2017 my wife and I went to the Bibb County Courthouse to file civil litigation in small claims court…

I even stopped beforehand at Dozier Law Firm, and consulted with an attorney, just to make sure it was legal to write an agreement not to file civil litigation in exchange for covering the replacement of my screen.. the attorney told me it was completely legal, and out of court settlement offer, so I wrote an agreement out on paper, took a photograph of the shattered phone and the document, and texted it to Mr Patel….

A few minutes later, a share deputy walked out of the courthouse and handcuffed me, and charged me with extortion..

Attached is a photograph of the document taken at the courthouse steps after having a lawyer tell me it was not against the law to write out such a document and offer to not pursue civil litigation in exchange for repairing my phone damaged by one of his employees…

Also attached you will find a picture of me about to be arrested on the courthouse steps.

( I told you it's important to be able to laugh at yourself, so I even make parody graphic illustrations of me making stupid decisions )

Notice I said I made a stupid decision

I didn't commit a crime, I simply made a stupid decision… I actually thought the principle of the matter was important after a Dunkin' Donuts employee broke my phone while trying to steal it from me.

It turns out Mr Patel's brother is a Bibb County deputy, a fact I was unaware of when I was foolishly concerned about the principle of the matter regarding a measly $100 …

Every word I just told you is 100% true, and I'd like to ask you if there's anything about that story that sounds wacky or crazy or off balance…

I use the term wacky and crazy because a local newspaper writer created a WACKY CRAZY "NEWS OF THE WEIRD" article about the incident, and sensationalized it with corny double entender's and suggestions that I was crazy and homeless and desperate…

My mugshot was not very flattering, because I'm an ugly old man.. I'm 60 years old and I'm ugly.. but I wasn't on drugs. People see the mug shot and accuse me of being on meth, when that's simply not true…

I also wasn't homeless, quite the opposite in fact, because my wife and I were renting an apartment from a Bibb County Deputy named April Johnson..

The newspaper writer created an article that was completely erroneous, falsely stating I was asking for $1,000 loss and $250,000 damages.. the phone screen cost $103 to repair at the cell phone repair shop on Bass Road… they do not manufacture $1,000 smartphone screens..

Also, the state of Georgia has a $25,000 limit on small claims court damages…

If you care to notice, the idiot newspaper writer simply added a zero to each figure, to make it seem more Sensational and "wacky".. the newspaper article also suggested I claimed I had "left my phone at the restaurant"… completely untrue.

in fact, pretty much the only thing the newspaper article got right was my name…. (and the fact that I filed for bankruptcy in 1996, which I am allowed to do as an American citizen. That's why they have bankruptcy laws, to protect the interest of citizens)

But when creating the wacky madcap hilarious cuckoo news article about me "homeless man who wasn't homeless", the journalist said I call myself Johnny Neptune because it sounds crazy and wacky..

That's because Joe kovach, the idiot who wrote the newspaper article never interviewed me, never interviewed my wife, didn't even interview the police officers.. he simply got his information straight from the Middle Eastern owner of the Dunkin' donut franchise.

That's why it's all incorrect. Of course the Dunkin' Donuts owner is not going to admit one of his employees tried to steal a paying customer's phone and shattered the screen trying to hide it when the customer called the Sheriff's Department.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and this was definitely a mistake on my part, foolishly thinking it was important to pursue the matter, indignant that the restaurant owner refused to pay for damages caused by one of his employees…

But there was no attempt to extort anybody…

In fact, when I went to Dozier Law Firm before proceeding to the courthouse, I specifically asked the attorney if it would be considered extortion to write an agreement not to pursue civil litigation…

If I was attempting to extort somebody, why would I stop at an attorney's office beforehand to make sure it wouldn't be extortion?

If you have a brain stem, then right now you are probably realizing you didn't really understand anything about this incident, other than secondhand garbage from the Middle Eastern franchise owner, who was lying to protect his own interests…

If he told the truth about his employee trying to steal my phone and breaking the screen, that would hurt his business…

He played the victim role, pretending like he didn't understand my motivation…

He lied to the newspaper writer, telling him I had left my phone at the store or something

"or something"

bullshit…. he knew his employee tried to steal my phone and broke it when I called the Sheriff's Department…

How can I be for the answer you like I said, you would be surprised if you realize exactly how often you read news articles that are full of errors….

But this particular news article was 99% lies, not just mistakes.. it was the franchise owner lying to the newspaper writer, deflecting the fat that his employee steals from customers…..

If I had it all to do over again, would I do it?

NO……

Am I embarrassed about it?

NO

Why the hell would I be embarrassed about anything I've done in my life? I already admit I make tons of mistakes.. this was just another stupid mistake on my part, but I'm certainly not embarrassed about it….

Perhaps you should consider getting arrested and going to jail and earning a little bit of street cred.. it turns out guys with street cred get lots of pussy…

RE: DRUGS

I haven't done drugs in over 5 years

I'm not embarrassed to admit I've always enjoyed getting high since I was 12 years old.. I used to take 10 strips of LSD and go to school and nobody realized it…

I wasn't doing drugs when I was arrested. I had already quit tweaking and drinking and taking pills..

I still smoke a little pot but I don't put marijuana in the same category as drugs…

And before you insist that marijuana is a drug, I realize marijuana is considered a drug by some stupid idiots

But I'm talking about hard drugs like cocaine and meth and heroin and ecstasy etc etc

I quit doing drugs 5 years ago because they became boring to me

But maybe you should consider getting hooked on drugs because apparently, even drug addicts can get girls to climb into bed with them.

I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, according to my genius brilliant gorgeous wife of 10 years.

I realize you spend a lot of time masturbating in front of your little sissy boy computer.

Why don't you ask one of the prostitutes in your little porn videos WHO'S THE LOL COW?

If you ever grow tired of being a pathetic embarrassing loser, feel free to ask me for advice on how to get a girl, and I'll teach you how to have a woman in bed with you within an hour.

And I'm not talking about paying a prostitute.

Believe it or not, I can teach you how to find a beautiful girlfriend within an hour.

It's the easiest thing a man can do. It's similar to breathing. It's just fundamental and instinctual. The fact that you haven't figured it out yet earns my laughter.

I hope you don't mind, but now it's my turn to laugh my ass off about your existence.

I hope you enjoyed this thread, and I'll probably stop in here occasionally just to rub your embarrassing life failures in your face…

After all, you can't do a goddamn thing to stop me, and you've never stood up to a man in your life. You're incapable of Defending yourself online or in person.

You obviously never been in a fight before, so you have no experience defending yourself..

I told you I'm your worst nightmare

And I promise this is going to be a recurring nightmare for you because I'm going to make you miserable from this point forward. It's what I do best.

I'm the grain of sand in the condom

I'm going to get under your skin and irritate you to the point of contemplating the amputation of your appendage..

It's not like you ever used it, anyway

But you have become my special project, and I can guarantee you I'm going to become a major irritant in your existence.

there's an old saying, "fasten your seatbelt"…..

but I realize there's no seatbelt attached to your little sissyboy computer….

so let it suffice to say I'm going to give you plenty of laughs in this thread….

so perhaps this would be a good time to open your bedroom door, and tell your mother that you're going to be laughing really loud….

because this particular laughter is going to sound a lot like crying…..

a lot

in fact EGG ZACK LEE like crying

(fasten your seatbelt, sissy)

YOU CREATED A THREAD ABOUT ME

BECAUSE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ME

SO HERE I AM

YOU'VE GOT QUESTIONS?

I'VE GOT ANSWERS

There's another famous phrase people often say…..

" be careful what you ask for, you sniveling little bitch, because you just might get it "

HERE IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF IMAGEBOARD UNORIGINALITY

That's what really gets under your skin, the fact that I will never stoop to the level of becoming a parody of an image board geek, who has to continually use the same tired worn out Trend following catch phrases, decades after they have already become cliche…

Other subcultures actually develop original ideas on a continual basis, and ever progressing Echelon leading upward…

but not you guys, huh?….

here you sit, repeating the exact same catch phrases that you were repeating years and years and years ago…

Autism this….. normie that….

Chad this……. roastie that……

Exactly how many more years do you intend I'm sitting there repeating those same worn out embarrassing catch phrases?

I'm guessing you missed the fact that you have become a satire?

I'm guessing you never stopped to contemplate that any claims of elitism or superiority or any other false reassurances you feed yourself are already negated by your lack of originality and creativity?

And I guess it never occurred to you that using and IMAGEchatroom without contributing any original imagery is equally as embarrassing?

The same way you thoughtother peoplewere the LOL cows..

I guess you've never noticed the world has been laughing at you this entire time?

So you made a mistake.. big deal

You're wet behind the ears so mistakes are to be expected..

You look foolish right now, but that's going to continue because everybody makes mistakes and we never stop making them….

But hopefully, they will be a series of completely different mistakes, instead of repeating the same mistake over and over again….

Because we learn from our mistakes.. that's how we learned to avoid that same mistake again in the future…

And if you're going to allow other people's opinions to modify your life, if you're going to live in fear of ridicule or laughter, if you're terrified of rejection, you'll probably never have balls big enough to even try….

Because not trying is failing

Failing due to a fear of failure

And that's the first Secret to getting a girlfriend, or getting anything else you want out of this life.

If you don't try, you'll never learn how to fail correctly….

If you don't learn how to fail correctly, how could you ever learn how to succeed?

And it all begins with being able to laugh at yourself

AGAIN: IT ALL BEGINS WITH BEING ABLE TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF

Because once you are comfortable laughing at yourself, it doesn't matter how many other people laugh with you, because it only gets funnier……

So I'm going to help you conquer your inability to laugh at yourself.

the LOL COW is going to teach you

how to laugh

Laugh at yourself

The way the rest of us laugh at you

You wanted to share gossip about me, but what if instead of receiving empty gossip, I delivered something more authentic, like the truth?

You seem like a tough guy to me

So I'm pretty sure you can handle the truth

Let's find out, tough guy