Man. It's 2AM for me. I'm just up doing random shit, shitposting on imageboards, etc., and I've been thinking.
I've been thinking back to some of my favorite medias, television, movies, music, books, art pieces, etcetera.
Why, for my whole life, have I constantly used these as a means of escapism, refusing to face the harsh realities of the modern world?
Why is all I do all day shitpost and sit on my PC/console doing nothing really? It's not like I'm depressed... I'm perfectly happy. But I feel like my life is just.. missing something. I hate this monotony of everything. I hate this godforsaken rat race of life. I want to go DO shit.
Why is my life nothing? I'm not doing anything meaningful, I'm not going on some crazy adventure with quirky comrades, I wasn't given some crazy superpower or something..
I guess I'm just dealing with "I'm not the protagonist" syndrome. And it fucking sucks.
My entire life, through childhood, I had the mindset that someday I was going to be a cool person, go on adventures, do all this cool shit just like the movies and media I was 'fed'.
A year or 2 ago I realized that life isn't that. And I gotta say, that fact hurts. It really fucking hurts.
As a 4chan thread I saw once said, why does my one shot at sentience have to be wasted like this?
Why can't I be born in some cool fantasy world, or be in a sci-fi cyberpunk future? Why am I stuck here, just rotting away onto my keyboard?
My entire life is filled with escapism. Sure real life is cool, but I just have problems facing the aforementioned facts..
I can barely even watch movies, anime, or TV anymore because it just depresses me. I'm not the protagonist. I'm just some guy. Yeah I know life doesn't really mean much if anything at all but man I just. I WANNA GO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE. I want something different than just being a fucking NPC, sitting at a damn desk job all day, like every other godforsaken person on this Earth.
This feels like just going out on the street and screaming into the heavens. Nothing comes of it, it doesn't actually effect anything.
God.. I don't know what to do. I know this sounds very nihilist, and I am to a point, but I tend to lean more to Absurdism. Man recognizes that man's endless and fruitless search for meaning is absurd, but continues on regadless.
Guess I just gotta keep on truckin..
Now I will leave you guys with this quote, that I don't really know who said it, but it's really great:
"There are some things in life that are out of your control, that you can't change and you've got to live with. The choice that we have though is to either give up or keep on going."
Hope you homies have a great night/day