No.157737 [View All]
I AXEDENT-LY STOP SOME1 FROM BREATHING MONTHS AGO AND NOW I THINK I CAN MURDER THEM. LIKE THE POTENTIAL. THE ABILITY. I WANT TO MURDER BUT NOT THEM. I CAN'T STOP H THOUGHTS. I SAW THE PESTICIDE. I SAW THE PILLOW. I SAW THE PLASTIC. I COULD SIT ON THEIR CHEST. I COULD HOLD THEIR NECK. I'M NOT TRYNA BE EDGY. STOP FING CALLING ME THAT. I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF IT. MY LONG TERM GOAL NEEDS IT.
I DON'T WANT THEM GONE. IT WON'T STOP.
BUT THIS IS A MISSED OPPORTUNITY. I AM ATHIEST. MY FAMILY IS RELIGIOUS, THEY WILL THINK I'M POSESSED BY SATAN. THEY WILL TAKE ME TO CHURCH NOT A THERAPIST.
I DIDN'T THINK MY BODY WOULD ACTUALLY AGREE TO HURT PEOPLE.
I DESENSITIZE TO BASIC SLAP AND PUNCHES ON THEM. BUTT IT'S FING STUPID IT DON'T APPLY TO STRANGERS. FUCK THIS
MY GOAL WAS TO MURDER A STRANGER AND SPEND LIFE IN MY DREAM PRISON. MY MIND THINKS IF I KILL THEM... THEN I CAN KILL A STRANGER... I DOUBT IT WILL WORK... SO I WANT THESE THOUGHTS TO STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. DON'T WORRY I AM HARMLESS. MY BODY WON'T COOPERATE.
____________________________
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157777
>>157737
Hey baby whats your telegram? Can we talk?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157783
>>157777
The fuck cuck duck luck. Op is clearly young they don't hev medical autonomy to go to a therapist themsleves
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157786
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157879
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157942
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157988
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157993
nah for real this talk, you my guy have been conditioned to feel relief from physical encounters, and that's not your fault.
the thing you did.
That happened.
Sometimes you have to cutdown a sheep to eat, life imposes over you
You must overcome.
That's it.
You don't have a following? Man, you are lucky.
Life ain't easy for anybody, but for the ones who are being followed... That sucks.
That's just it.
Don't ever post about it, and find yourself a purpose so the life you fucked ain't a waste either,
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.157999
>>157737
Listen, what you're saying is called an intrusive thought disorder. You imagine doing this awful thing and it scares you. Everyone has these stupid thoughts sometimes. Now calm down, get a stable job, and look for an affordable apartment to rent, even in another state so they don't bother you about the church anymore.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158004
>>157999
It sstopped eventually but the actions didn't. They get physical action from me everyday. I stop it immediately after doing and tr
y not to make it hurt so much so they wouldn't report but it won't stop. I try to stop but but it's so automatic it won't.
They have a bruise from a punch.
Can't get a job.
No landlord will touch me.
Can't move.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158015
>>157737
I did an online search and found several toll-free numbers you can call for help: the NAMI helpline at 800-950-6264 and the CMHC at 1-800-662-4357. There are also university clinics where you can get low-cost or even free appointments, but you'll need to contact them by phone or email, for example. Hang in there, don't give up!
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158019
Try your best to see a therapist.
The reality is not like the fantasy. You wouldn't feel pleasure or relief. You will bring extreme sadness and trauma to people and you will kill your career and life. Prisons aren't like you see online. They would rape and kill you. And i assume you are from a shitty country so it's even worse.
You probably already know all of this and rationalisation wouldn't make it any less intrusive or enticing that's why you must see a therapist.
If its a power dynamic thing you can look into bdsm or martial arts. Yeah do boxing or any combat sports it would do you good. You can kill somebody there with impunity.
Anyway don't kill anyone and get help
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158023
>>158019
The killing thoughts stopped.
Iti's no longer seen as possible from me.
I am not suicidal.
I don't see a future looking forward so hence prison.
Millions could do it. It meets way too many of my goals.
To start over.
To be heard (when released).
To have a clear purpose in life (a sentence).
To be near the group I admire
To blame something for my problems
If I don't see it as a plausible option then everything I've ever heard is a lie— that anyone can make a "mistake."
I don't have the lack of empathy to do general crimes. Like scamming. As I've said the goal is getting caught. My methods won't do that.
My goal is impossible, I know that rationally. My body won't cooperate because it thinks my life will turn to dread without a goal.
A therapist would misinterpret me and report. My actual goal is primmigration. There's a certain place I'd like to move to but I have no path so a long sentence would fulfill my dream of living there and interacting with diverse people there. It' a museum of people that aren't like people on the streets. Every online bot therapist links me to hotlines.
Maybe it's a phase.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158024
>>158019
I have really lost control of myself with the unprovoked physical harm. It doesn't make sense to me. I haven't been traumatized, never used drugs or drank.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158025
>>158024
The place where the prison is doesn't offer luxury. That's the point. A new life where I have an identity.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158045
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158048
>>158045
I didn't lie about anything I said.
Nothing I said was impossible for a normal person like me. I didn't come close to murdering but I really have lost control of physical violence and it's not out of anger. It's routine not provoked.
What proof am I supposed to give?
I want help, not a reaction and look I didn't get any praiseworthy reactions.
I posted it here because the chat bots kept giving me hotlines.
If I wanted to LARP, I'd say something unusual like I am a murderer. That's not the case.
I was looking for tips to control myself.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158073
it's not that hard to stop lmao
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158081
>>158073
I wish I could.
It's automatic like a reflex when you try to stop yourself from breathing,
Do you have any self-control tips to offer in general?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158084
>>157737
Edgy but pretty sad
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158088
>>158084
I don't want it.
It doesn't extend to anyone else. If I wanted to beat someone up for provoking me. I couldn't do anything. This ability doesn't fix any of my problems when I thought it would.
I don't want it to ruin my life so it's a good thing they are ACAB. If I breathe in and out I'll try to stop it tomorrow.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158116
DRAMA-TIC!
HUMANS HAVE FREE WILL. NOTHING IS UNCONTROLLABLE. TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY. CONTROL YOURSELF.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158145
>>158116
Every time I think I can stop and work hard to stop. It isn't working. The cycle is still continuing. Tips?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158173
>>157737
I can't stop and they fought back in self-defense now it throbs ugh.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158214
>>157737
You have to get help. Immediately.
Can your ability apply to anyone or just a specific person?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158236
>>158214
I can't. I tried. I try everyday. It won't stop. It's out of my control.
It's not an ability. It's not an asset. It only works on one person and I realize how much empathy I have in my heart for one to be able to do all this. I have enough selfishness to do it to only one person. It's not sufficient for my goals. One can't choose what he wills.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158277
idek what this shit about but fix your problems man
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158293
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158294
>>158277
IVE BEEN TRYING. IVE BEEN TRYING SO DAMN HARD. I WISH I COULD CONTROL MY IMPULSES. I WISH I COULD. STOP STOPPITY STOP STOITY STOP. STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158308
>>157737
why are so many people here talki ng about murder???
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158329
>>158308
Why are YOU talking about murder
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158347
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158357
>>158347
I'm not. I'm not
. I'M NOT. It's something I can't stop. I just wanted to say it still hasn't stopped. IT HAS BEEN SO LONG AND IT STILL HASN'T STOPPED! IT'S OUT OF MY CONTROL.
IMPROVEMENTS I MADE: I no longer feel like murdering them. IT'S OFF THE TABLE. GONE!!.
The physical assault has TO be done everyday. I TRY TO SLEEP BEFORE MIDNIGHT AND WAKE UP AS LATE AS POSSIBLE. Before the day ENDS IT
HAS TO BE DONE. I DO IT AND I GET RELIEVED OF STRESS UNTIL THE NEXT DAYY.
I WISH I COULD GET MY CONTROL BACK. IT NEEDS TO STOP! STOP! STOPPITY! STOP! STOPPITY! STOP! STOPPITY! STOP!
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158377
>>157737
Does any1 know how to control impulses?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158407
breathe in, out, then stop, you needa stop
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158423
you have to be responsible and blame yourself and stop doing it tie your hands and stop you have to not hurt others on top of it's bad
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158431
>>157737
IT WONTTT STOPP. I TRY EVERY DAY TO MAKE IT STOP BUT IT WILL NOT END. IT IS NOT ENDING NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. I HAVE TO DO A PHYSICAL ASSAULT EVERYDAY OR MY GOAL IS GONE. SOMETHING IS PREVENTTING ME FROM STOPPING. WHAT IS IT? STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP STOITY STOP! 4 CONTEXT I HAVE 2 DO A PHYSICAL ASSAULT EVERY DAY. I AM KIND TO THE VICTIM AND I TRY DOING IT IN 1 SESSION AND I DO IT EITHER MIDNIGHT OR MORNING WHEN I SEE THEM. I HAVE TO DO IT I CANT STOP. WHAT DOESN'T COUNT IS SELF-DEFENSE. IF IF IF THEY GRAB ME ME FIRST AND I STRIKE. I HAVE TO PUNCH THEM ON THEIR SHOULDERS OR LEGS OR A KICK. A SLAP DOESN'T COUNT FOR MY BRAIN TO GET RELIEF. RELIEF I SEEK. THE DISTRESS PILES ON WHEN I SEE THEM AND I HAVE NOT DONE IT. STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP. THEY HAVE TO WINCE VISIBLY OR MY BRAIN DOESN'T COUNT IT AND RELEASE THE CHEMICALS THAT STOP MY ANXIETY. STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP. IS THIS COMMON? IT MUST BE COMMON? IT HAS TO BE COMMON? NOTHING RARE EVER HAPPENS TO ME. WHY WOULD IT BE ME? I AM THE MOST BORINGEST BORING PERSON EVER THAT'S BORINGER THAN EVERYONE. WHAT ARE THESE CALLED? HOW DO I GET IT TO STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP? I AM NOT IN CONTROL. I TRY TO STOP BY SLEEPING EARLY TO NOT HURT THEM BUT WHEN I WAKE UP IT'S GAME OVER AND THEY'RE GETTING IT. STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY STOP. THEY SEE IT AS ANGER ISSUES. STOP STOPPITY STOP STOPPITY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I NEED SOMEONE TO REALLY TELL ME.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158454
>>157737
Why are you trying to seek mental health issues here? Trust me, it's not the best place.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158467
i AM concerned for you. i am concerned on behalf the fact why would anyone wood be on this board.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158476
>>157737
this anon is mentally ill because they hurt someone
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158490
>>158476
holy guacamole only people with credentials can say that
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158499
>>158490
I THINK THEYRE RIGHT I MYT BE. EVERY CHATBOT AI WHATEVER SPAMMING ME WITH HOTLINES SAID SO BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT, I AM A NORMAL PERSON. I HAVE TRIED METHODS TO CONTROL MYSELF BUT MY HANDS GO INTO A FIST WITHOUT MY CONSENT. NONE OF YOU GUYS HAVE PROVIDED ANY ACTIONABLE ADVICE BESIDES WHAT A CHATBOT OFFERS— HOTLINES! HOTLINES! HOTLINES! IF ANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE EXPERIENCED ANYTHING SIMILAR TO THIS LIKE BEING NOT ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR OWN BODY. I WANNA TELL YOU GUYS I AM NOT DANGEROUS. THIS ONLY WORKS ON ONE PERSON. I TRIED ON ANOTHER BUT I COULDN'T HURT THEM. MY ABILITY IS USELESS.
AND THANKS FOR SOME ATTEMPTED ADVICE BUT YOU GUYS DIDN'T HEL IF ANY ALTRUIST GENUINELY WANT TO HELP TO PREVENT HARM AND STUFF YOU CAN SUGGEST ME TIPS SO I AN TAKE CONTROL OF MY OWN BODY AND STOP THIS HARMFUL ROUTINE!
I AM DESPERATE FOR ADVICE. PLEAZE.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158507
get off ts and get real help. r u stupid ?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158508
>>158507
I CANT GET REAL HELP I TOLD YOU THEYD THINK ITS BECAUSE IVE STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH. I CANT STOP. IA M NOT AUTONOMOUS. I DONT KNOW WHAT DO TO. TO DO I HOPE IT WILL STOP. STOP. I SHOULD STOP SOMEDAYY. I CANNOT CONTROL MYSELF I DONT KNOW WHAT COULD STOP IT BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT REAL HELP AND I DONT WANT DV I DONT WANTTHAT. I WANT NATURAL SOLUTIONS THAT WILL HELP ME STOP LIKE BREATHING. OR FORGETTING ABOUT THE ACTION. BECAUSE EVERYTIME I DO IT I FEEL CALM AND BEFORE I DO IT I FEEL STRESSED.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158512
everyone on 8kun is mentally ill.......no sane person posts on here.....
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158534
>>158512
I am struggling to disprove this,
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158543
>>158507
Stop talking like a niglet, your origins are from the most white privileged neighborhood ever and you get your food cooked for you by personal chefs.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158546
>>157737
They're ignoring the pattern. I AM ADDICTED TO THE RELIEF GET WHEN I DO IT. IS IT A COMPULSION OR DO I HAVE LOW IMPULSE CONTROL?
I MIGHT TRY THE 10 MINITES TRICK WHERE I DO NOTHING FOR 10 MINITES BUT I DONT THINK IT WILL WORK BECAUSE I HAVE THE WHOLE DAY TO DO IT. IT SOMEHOW NEEDS TO BE DONE BECAUSE MY HANDS INSTINCTIVELY BECOME A FIST AND I BLINDLY PUNCH. I AM CAREFUL AND AVOID HARMFUL AREAS. I NEVER FACE PUNCH. USUALLY ARMS OR LEGS.I FEEL SO BAD.
I DONT THINK IM MENTALLY ILL. NOTHING IN MY LIFE MAJOR HAS HAS HAPPENED BESIDES... BOREDOM. I AM SO BORED AND WANT MY GOAL.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158547
>>158543
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158565
you are crazy and this board is full of crazy people like you that's no sugarcoating
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.
No.158577
Good on you for being athiest and discovering the truth.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.