[ / / / / / / / / / / / / / ] [ dir / random / cuteboys / cyber / fast / femdom / kind / komica / sapphic / tech ]

/pen/ - A Place to Create and Critique

Writing and reviewing ink pens and political literature
Learn more about the EARN IT Act, the latest attempt to gut Section 230
/fringe/ has been migrated.
Name
Email
Subject
Comment *
File
Password (Randomized for file and post deletion; you may also set your own.)
Archive
* = required field[▶ Show post options & limits]
Confused? See the FAQ.
Embed
(replaces files and can be used instead)
Oekaki
Show oekaki applet
(replaces files and can be used instead)
Voice recorder Show voice recorder

(the Stop button will be clickable 5 seconds after you press Record)
Options

Allowed file types:jpg, jpeg, gif, png, webm, mp4, pdf
Max filesize is 16 MB.
Max image dimensions are 15000 x 15000.
You may upload 5 per post.


Welcome to Pen Island
Our pen is big
Political discussion is allowed by default. This board is SFW

File: 1424538151361.pdf (1.38 MB, Industrialized Art and the….pdf)

 No.148

This is my first essay, or at least the first one I ever bothered to finish and upload.
It is pretty short, but I believe it's summing up the essence of its subject quite well, even if I preferred to not point any fingers towards specific groups in it, if you get what I mean.
Please, do tell me what you think of it how it/I can be improved.
____________________________
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.152

>>148
I disagree with one or two finer points, but on the whole the message is agreeable, if verbose and lacking justification.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.153

>>152
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Regarding the lack of justification: that is an understandable point, however the target group that I would like to interest with my essay already knows most of the details regarding the context I present. What I wanted to achieve was to give the already conservative or conservative-leaning reader both a summary of what he may already know about the world of art and propaganda, and most importantly, a taste of what a new prototype of a conservative mindset regarding art should be. And naturally, I mostly aim to stimulate the emotion of the reader to get my point through.
And on the "verbose" part, well, as a non native-English speaker I wanted to experiment with the language. I'm still trying to find my fitting literary style and so some mistakes and linguistic exaggerations are bound to happen in the process.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.154

>>153
I see. In that case, carry on, as I hope to see more in the future. This is very promising work.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.157

This is too unstructured, wavering, and unclear. Much of it reads like a rant against predictable enemies, and the arguments aren't developed finely enough. A lot of information is thrown at the reader and they do not function well in terms of individual paragraphs, it all just seems to support a large rant. Your premise and beliefs are not in question, it is the form that matters. Give your essay time and space to relax, devote energies to expanding each individual argument, load them with sources that are cited and beyond the predictable and axiomatic ones: it's the inclusion of these specialized references that give you authority beyond the typical.

Overall, restructure your writing, cause each paragraph to be unified under a substantial idea that utilizes its own individual argument, and divide the force of your message through each of these arguments. While we have a general theme that permeates everything, it is, again, quite unstructured, wandering, and sounds more like a rant than anything. One has to search for what you are arguing against or arguing for, and it isn't as deliberate and clear as it could be.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.174

I like the rhythym and enjoyed your thoughts. Well done.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.179

>>157
Thanks for your input. I will eventually try and expand each argument and solidify the essay.

>>174
Thank you.
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.



[Return][Go to top][Catalog][Nerve Center][Random][Post a Reply]
[]
[ / / / / / / / / / / / / / ] [ dir / random / cuteboys / cyber / fast / femdom / kind / komica / sapphic / tech ]