/niggwretchedness/ - Nigger Community Wretchedness

Cunt pg2 of review of RACE DRIVIN'

Gameplay: *LOL!* What kind of a joke is this? Horrid! Just simply horrid! (do you see where I'm coming from?) Game is like this. See (and laugh at the music) a boring title screen. Proceed, and you'll see 4 selections for your car. By now, you should know that with no options, this game will suck. Then, you pick up to three tracks. One is boring, another is cool but messed up, and another is hard but stupid. You play and depending on what you pick, you'll race yourself or other AI racers. You can select auto or manual style cars. Either way, the game SUCKS! One annoying thing is the control. Because animation is choppy, expect lagged timing a MUST to succeed. It's really annoying. Another thing are the hills/jumps. They're too darn messed up. If you travel regularly on gear 2, you’re bound to drive straight up from the peak, fly 50 feet into the air, and land head first as slowly as a feather. Then, you get to watch a stupid (but hilarious) replay of your death! Fun, isn't it? The replays are funny because it replays how stupid you messed up thanks to the messed up play mechanics, while accompanied by the dumbest song ever. The game is just too slow and frustrating! It will annoy you to death! And you'll be seeing replays so much the freakin' song will stay in your head forever! What I'm saying is that this game SUCKS. And when you run out of time, you get to enter your score in the top ten list! Whoopie!

This has to be the sorriest gave ever…or at least for a racing game…

Ha! Haha! Mwahaha! Er…sorry. It's just that this lame excuse for a game cracks me up. I mean…EVERYTHING is bad! Well, except for humor. This game is just so bad that's it's so sad. Let me tell you how bad this is. Some guy gave me 2 sucky games for free. And this was one of them. Well, on to the review…

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I'm in panic mode right now because I made a Top 5 Worst Game List and Race Drivin' needs to be in the top 5. I unfortunately somehow owned this game despite hating it since the moment I first played it. It's not fun, it's very choppy and it's hardly even a game. I wouldn't be surprised if this one is more of an experiment. You know, I'll put this game in the number 2 spot of the worst game, because Back to the Future 2 and 3 for the NES will never be dethroned at number one.

After the title screen, the player can choose from one of four cars. Each car has slightly different maximum speeds and handling. Three of them have manual transmissions and one has automatic. Then the player can select one of three tracks: the Autocross Track, Stunt Track, or Super Stunt Track. The Autocross Track is entirely flat and has only a handful of turns. The Stunt Track and Super Stunt Track have ramps, jumps, and some sharp turns. On each track there is a timer that counts down. Reaching a checkpoint or completing a lap awards extra time. The game ends when the player runs out of time or is off of the road for ten seconds. Points accumulate depending on the distance traveled and the goal is to get a high score. The game is entirely single player, and the player isn't racing against other computer opponents even though there sometimes are other cars on the screen.

Of the three tracks, the Autocross Track is the only one that is even remotely tolerable. It is not an exaggeration to say that the game runs at roughly eight frames per second. This is the case even though roughly half of the screen is covered in fixed images that don't have much animation other than the dial on the speedometer. The game is so choppy that making a simple turn is very difficult, even with cars that have good handling. Overcompensating on a turn and spinning out of control is so easy to do. With a narrow time limit, slowing down isn't much of an option either. On the Stunt Track and Super Stunt Tracks, crashing after making a jump is extremely common, and it seems to happen without any reason. Crashing into an object shows an instant replay, which is also extremely choppy, and it interrupts the flow of the game. Also it is possible to break while in the middle of the air, somehow.

There is no gameplay at all, it is shocking that for a RACING game there is NO RACING at all! You can just drive in circle while listening to some 15sec music loop that gets super repetitive very very quickly.

what the actual fuck even is this game

THE PUNISHER 1990 NES

BY FUCKING ACCLAIM

Here’s the scoop:

Gameplay 5/10

I have a hard time deciding how I feel about the gameplay of this game. Let’s just open by saying it’s a pretty difficult game, and for all the wrong reasons. Basically, the screen scrolls slowly from left to right, and you can see the Punisher from behind, and a gun sight you aim to shoot the enemies that appear. The main problem is that you not only have to aim the gun sight with the control pad, but you also have to move the Punisher out of harm’s way with the very same set of controls. This is tricky because Punisher doesn’t actually move until you’ve moved the gun sight to the extreme left or right of the screen, at which time he’ll slide in that same direction. This becomes extremely tough when you’re trying to quickly dodge and accurately aim at enemies at the same time, as you need to choose between either avoiding damage or lining up your shot carefully. Thankfully, most enemies only take on hit, and if you have the machine gun power up, you can quickly spray bullets back and forth and take them out before they can shoot. Usually, this is what determines whether or not you take damage, because once they shoot, their bullets are almost impossible to avoid. You will collect grenades and missile launchers as you progress, which you generally need to hang on to for boss confrontations, since most of the bosses are extremely tough (more because of the difficulty in control than anything else). There are power ups to be collected as you move along, but most of them are hidden, and must be revealed by shooting certain elements of scenery. This can be tricky, since “shootable” scenery is difficult to tell from the non-shootable stuff, and you’ll likely waste a lot of bullets blasting useless background objects looking for the good stuff. Once you reach the end of a couple of different scenes, you will encounter the boss of each level, who, as I mentioned before, is usually very difficult to defeat. Some require you to use close-quarters punches and kicks, which you seem ill equipped to handle for an ex-marine. Most of the time the enemy will beat the bejeepers out of you while you struggle to get a punch or two in without being hit. The final confrontation with the Kingpin incorporates the worst of all these bad elements, combining explosive projectiles that are difficult to dodge with close in combat with cheap hits that are almost impossible to avoid. The only way to triumph is pretty much to have a ton of lives stored up (difficult to do) and even more grenades. Sadly, even with these criteria met, you will more than likely lose all of your lives, and all your hard work will have been for naught. Sadly, this game could be fun if it weren’t for the more frustrating aspects of the control, but the challenge level will most likely drive off most players before they get too far into this game. Those who persevere will generally be either big fans of the Punisher, or just hardcore gamers who refuse to give up once a challenge is begun.

Graphics 5/10

Well, these aren’t too bad, but they could have been better. Punisher looks pretty good, and the bosses do to, but the enemies look kind of dorky. A lot of the scenery is just black background with some objects set in it…it’s probably supposed to be asphalt, but it just looks kind of bland. As I mentioned before, it’s hard to tell the “shootable” background objects from the others, which can be more than a little frustrating at times, and even if you do find them, they often take several shots before they reveal an item, causing you to give up before you get the goods. Since the power ups are definitely needed to win this game, this is a case where bad graphics can literally kill you

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Sound 4/10

The sounds and music in this game are nothing special. They’re okay, but the tunes can be repetitive after a while. The gunshot and grenade explosion sounds are okay, but not great. More than likely, you won’t really even notice the music or the sound effects, as you’ll be dealing with more noticeable problems like the controls and obscure graphics. I hesitate to criticize the sounds any more, though, given the limitations of the 8 bit NES sound capabilities. Not bad, but like I said, nothing special.

Remember the old saying, “shoot first and ask questions later”? Well, that’s what this game is all about, though you’ll most likely be questioning whether or not you feel like shooting your way through this whole game after you’ve played through the first level or so. This game does have some playability under the surface, if you allow yourself to overlook the obvious faults. Being a Punisher fan, I struggle all the way to the end of this game, but sadly, after completing it, I doubt I’d ever go through it all again. It’s fun for a while, but due to the frustration factor of the controls and other elements, after a while, you’ll feel like the one getting punished the most is yourself.

Sound: 4: The sound effects are alright, but the gun shots sound like little air pops. There is one cool part whre you come across some homeless bum playing the Sax and hittin it off with the blues, and if you kill this innocent civilian you lose life

The sounds and music in this game are nothing special. They’re okay, but the tunes can be repetitive after a while. The gunshot and grenade explosion sounds are okay, but not great. More than likely, you won’t really even notice the music or the sound effects, as you’ll be dealing with more noticeable problems like the controls and obscure graphics. I hesitate to criticize the sounds any more, though, given the limitations of the 8 bit NES sound capabilities. Not bad, but like I said, nothing special.

Remember the old saying, “shoot first and ask questions later”? Well, that’s what this game is all about, though you’ll most likely be questioning whether or not you feel like shooting your way through this whole game after you’ve played through the first level or so. This game does have some playability under the surface, if you allow yourself to overlook the obvious faults. Being a Punisher fan, I struggle all the way to the end of this game, but sadly, after completing it, I doubt I’d ever go through it all again. It’s fun for a while, but due to the frustration factor of the controls and other elements, after a while, you’ll feel like the one getting punished the most is yourself.