c3b03c No.364231 [Last50 Posts]
Since /monster/ lost to /ck/ recently, you lot need to step up your cooking.
ITT discuss
>What kinds of dishes each girl would be known for making.
>What kinds of ingredients and dishes served in wonderlands demon realms, or just various location in monster girl settings.
>Greentexts of girls cooking for their boyfriend/husband or running a restaurant. Hard mode: Gordon Ramsay visits said restaurant.
Also, feel free to share personal recipes you make yourself as well.
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0a2bef No.364240
Demon world coffee with dessert snacks
>extra hard mode Gordon Ramsay is a paladin
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08bc07 No.364242
>>364231
>Undine
Water and fish I assume
Maybe seaweed
Honestly sounds super healthy and refreshing
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8856e9 No.364243
Cooking with someone> Having someone cook for you.
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c3b03c No.364246
I wonder how many culinary fuckups there are amongst monster girls. So fare I can think of Miia from monster musume and Hiei from kancolle.
Would be fun seeing paladin Gordon Ramsay chew them out for their shit cooking.
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d7e12f No.364290
Do certain monster girls with high enough magical power ever cook up waifus for their human sons?
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a6eada No.364294
>>364293
>cannibalism
I don't know about that. It'll vary from girl to girl of course. Lizard girls can regrow their tails but I figure they'd say "YAMERO!" at the mere suggestion of such a treat for you.
Goo girls will also be tricky given their chemical composition.
>Are they safe to consume?
If yes then I wouldn't see it as cannibalism per say as long as they didn't mind feeding you some of themselves. I don't think they feel pain/pleasure in the same way a being with a central nervous system does. I was never a fan of jello or pudding so I probably wouldn't care for goo girls myself.
If I had to pick a waifu to eat I'd say a plant girl of some variety. Preferably one that might have fruit growing on her. I'd settle for one that can pluck some leaves from her hair to make a salad or if her physically is such that she could just snap a finger off and I could eat it like a carrot that would be acceptable. That also assumes the act of dismembering herself doesn't incur pain and she's okay with me munching on her. I wouldn't consider that vore if the parts she's feeding me grow back of course.
Except for Seaweed-chan eehhck. Unless you're wrapping up sushi there's no reason to have her around. She's all slimy and droopy and turns black when she's dried out. Seaweed-chan really is the worst.
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adc61b No.364296
>>364290
That ramen sundae made me nauseaous oh my god.
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e01c05 No.364297
>>364290
>pls send help
good stuff
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d7e12f No.364302
>>364294
>Preferably one that might have fruit growing on her.
Yeah, dryads that can grow fruit for you to eat would be great. Do they get flustered if you pick and eat their fruit in public?
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d7e12f No.364305
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a6eada No.364317
>>364302
I would assume so. Considering it's part of their body it'd be like snipping some hair off some random girl I reckon. In that regard I wouldn't do it to some random fruit bearing plant girl. I'm not sure if that would count as theft, assault, or both. If you were to cut off a piece of a person and take it with you do they charge you for taking that part of them as well as the assault or would the theft aspect be ignored? Or would they just charge you for both theft and assault?
If she was your waifu I don't think she'd mind but if you were to obvious about it she'd probably give you a playful slap.
>"stop that~"
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a6eada No.364318
>>364317
**too obvious
obviously.
Sage for my own stupidity.
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760b57 No.366048
<Would you like dinner (me)? A bath (me)? Or me (me)?
She probably goes deep sea spearfishing and cooks up what she catches for the guests
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c63248 No.382623
Please help I have a rump roast to cook and a leanan sidhe that insists cooking is the highest art screaming at me.
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61c96e No.382625
>>382623
Tell her you'll make some stuffing and stuff herwith your semen
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a5a79c No.382639
According to MGEWiki (rest its soul), the raging mushroom is a common ingredient in Zipangu, they often use it to spice the rice. I want to taste the cooking of an angel, or an inari. Maybe a busty gremlin. I bet it would taste good either way. I'm sure there are both stereotypes and those who go against it all over the spectrum, so we shouldn't judge. Some can cook, and some can't. I'm sure automatons devour cooking blogs on a daily basis in order to find something new, while satyrs probably try all kinds of wines and oils (again, sterotypes). When waifus become real next year, let's meet again and exchange recipies.
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37ad17 No.382653
>>382639
See, on one hand I like mushrooms. On the other, I like to keep my wits about me. Maybe I'll make chicken and mushroom stew with 'em just once for a date night or some shit.
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13eb87 No.382683
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f54a4c No.382685
>>382639
>>382653
Kitsune waifu puts enough in my food some days to do a microdose-kinda thing, makes me more suggestible to her foxy wiles without me getting blackout-horny.
>>364243
Both are nice tbh. I'm still learning to fry tofu the way she likes, but she's loved my pork chops since I made them for our first date. On the nights it's my turn to cook and I surprise her with them, her fluffy tails do this really cute wagging/undulating thing that looks like an octopus made of fluff trying to hail a cab. The ear twitches are cute too.
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7926d4 No.383102
Not sure what kinda MG this would appeal to besides Onis, but I came up with it while very drunk.
>spiced rum, maybe 2oz worth
>lime juice to taste
>ice
>spoonful of brown sugar
>top with coconut water
Shake it all together and you get yourself a tasty fukkin drink. No idea if it's based off of anything, but it probably makes quite the panty dropper
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e390dc No.383104
>>364305
Now that was just corny.
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7fd378 No.383109
>>383104
Go to the Cheshire corner and think about what you've done.
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531630 No.383130
>Be poor anon
>Got injured and can't do my old job anymore
>Get stuck in a wheelchair for months, and I'll still have to use a cane afterwards
>Can't drive even if I still had the company car
>Thankfully, insurance covered most of my medical bills, but I'm still a little in the hole
>Try to cut costs on things like food while I'm waiting for unemployment and disability to come through
>Most meals consist of cheap bread, eggs, and off brand spam
>On a return trip from the store, I got clipped by a car backing out of a driveway
>Thankfully the car wasn't moving particularly fast, so I was only pushed instead of knocked over
>The car stopped immediately and a rather alarmed kikimora hopped out
<"Oh dear, are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?"
>Wasn't hurt beyond mild fright and some squished bread, and I told her as much
>She tried to convince me to go to the hospital or call the police to report the incident, but I just wanted to go home
>Gave up on talking with her and started wheeling myself home
>Almost made it to the end of the block before she caught up to me
<"At least let me give you a ride home!"
>Grumbled a bit, but I figured that accepting would mollify her enough that she wouldn't drag me to the hospital
>Unfortunately, she invited herself inside the moment I unlocked the door to my place
>I could feel her frowning in disapproval at the state of my place, but I’m out of fucks to give
>As she started putting my groceries away, her disapproval intensifies
<”This is all you bought? Just eggs, bread, and spam?”
>Told her I’m trying to save money and I can’t really use the stove while I’m stuck in the chair
>Most nights it’s a choice between making microwave spam and hardboiled eggs on the hotplate
>The kiki seems to vibrate in place while muttering to herself for a moment, before heading out to her car
>She returns carrying a blender and uses it to make breadcrumbs out of some stale bread I hadn’t thrown out yet.
>Ask her what the fuck shes doing and get shushed for my trouble
>The breadcrumbs get mixed with a few eggs, creating some kind of batter, and she starts frying it up on the stove.
>Within a few mins, she presents me this weird egg patty/cutlet thing on a plate
>It’s not half bad
<”Well? How is it?”
>Grudging tell her its okay
>Kiki smiles and digs into her own cutlet
>The kiki starts questioning me about myself and my current circumstance
>I didn’t want to talk about it, but kept prodding me until I gave in
>She started frowning before I even finished the first sentence
>By the time I was done, she vibrating again and looked like she was about to blow a gasket
>Just when I thought she was going to blow her top, she closed her eyes and took a calming breath
>The kikimora suddenly stood up and pointed a finger at me and declared
<”I can’t let this stand, I’m going to take care of you.”
Continue? Y/N
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87f87a No.383131
>>383130
Continue I wanna hear how Ms. Kiki makes a 5 star 3 course meal out of a pocket lint, moldy bread and canned meat
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bcac05 No.383132
>>383130
>story about best girl doing best girl things
Fucking yes!!!!
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8ad79b No.383133
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197194 No.383134
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06cebf No.383136
>>383130
You started storytime. You better finish it.
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d2d2f5 No.383138
>>383130
>I have to post as Christmas Cake Bait
gay. Good work Super. Just a single grammar error I could see from a cursory glance
>By the time I was done, she vibrating again and looked like she was about to blow a gasket
Should be she was.
I have a feeling he is going to be fairly resistant to this.
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531630 No.383318
>>383130
>No way
>The kiki seemed to stumble in place before righting herself
>It visibly took her a moment to get her train of thought back on track before she responded
<”Well, why not?”
>I held up three fingers and started listing off my reasons
>One, I didn’t need a caretaker to look after me, I was doing just fine
>Her stare told me all I needed to know about what she thought about that statement, but I ignored it
>Two, even if I did need a caretaker, I didn’t have the money to hire her
<”Oh, that’s not a problem, I’ll be the one paying you.”
>She must have seen the confusion in my expression and elaborated
<”I’ve been looking for a place closer to my college anyway, and this wouldn’t be any different than anything I’ve done before.”
>The kiki nodded to herself
<”I get a place to stay, you get a bit of money and help around the house. Seems like a good deal for the both of us. So what do you say?”
>My resistance was waning, but I had one last point to make
>Three, trust. She’s just some stranger who hit me with her car
>The kiki blushed a bright pink and let out a little laugh
<”Oh, right, where are my manners? I’m Margret –Maggie-, I’m a student majoring in culinary arts.”
>Her smile was a warm and tender thing that did odd things to my insides
<”I’m the eldest of five children. I enjoy baking, handicrafts, and house care.”
>She held out her hand to me
<”There, we aren’t strangers anymore, so what do you say?”
>Part of me wanted to say no out of stubbornness and spite at her nosing into my life
>But on the other hand, life would be a lot easier if there was someone around to help, just till I got on my feet again
>Wracked my brain for the sort of questions a landlord should ask of a prospective renter
>She answered every single one without missing a beat
>Try as I might, I couldn’t reasonably refuse her
>I took her hand and shook it
>The rest of the night was spent working out the details and showing her around
>Barely managed to forestall a cleaning frenzy, but only just
>Woke up the next morning to find Maggie puttering around kitchen, putting the finishing touches on breakfast
>She greeted me warmly, but I could only absentmindedly respond when I saw the spread
>The omelet was perfectly made, fluffy, yellow, and dotted with bits of spam
>And somehow, she managed to make waffles
>I knew I didn’t have any flour or pancake mix, but there it was.
>While I studied the impossible waffles, Maggie sat down and cut off a bit of the omelet
<”What are you waiting for? Dig in.”
>I did, it was pretty good
>While we digested our meal, we made small talk – mostly her talking, me listening
<”Did you have any plans for today?”
>I had planned on working on my computer for most of the day, but it wasn’t too important
>The look she had on her face when I told her that gave me a sinking feeling
<”Good, we’re going shopping~”
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760b57 No.383322
>>383318
She may be worst maid but this is still a nice story.
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197194 No.383331
>>383322
>worst maid
Begone shogfag. You just eat bits of your waifu anyways
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010d83 No.383932
I want a ara ara tomatoe alraune, what's a good home made spaghet recipe to win her over with?
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39e3dc No.383934
>>383932
You looking for proper homemade pasta and sauce recipes or stuff that can be made from canned tomatoes and put over box pasta? Red sauce? Cream sauce? Meat sauce? Vegetarian? Gluten free?
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59698c No.383936
>>383331
>that comic
I'm getting real sick and tired of cucks writing about Lovecraft stuff, but they feel obligated to say something along the lines of "That H.P Lovecraft fella, wasn't he just the worst?". Way to spit on his legacy. You'll notice they do it to Orson Scott Card and C.S Lewis. No wonder why Harry Potter is so popular, because its writer is a cunt who swallowed the post modernist koolaid.
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cf94ea No.383937
>>383934
I'm looking for a good sauce, I'm going to learn how to make the pasta another day.
I want to know how to make a good sauce from scratch materials, not Alfredo and I have a good pesto recipe already i just want to transform a tomatoe like a sphegtti nigger.
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cf94ea No.383938
>>383936
If you don't follow current year post modern morality you must be unpersoned.
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39e3dc No.383969
>>383937
From scratch sauce is pretty time consuming but relatively simple.
Good red sauce always starts with good and fresh tomatoes. If you can, get locally grown stuff when its in season. Cut them in half (the fat way, not from the top) and squeeze the juices out over a strainer into a bowl, and scrape out all the seeds/jelly bits into the strainer. Press as much juice out as you can from the seeds, then toss them. Keep the juices for later. You'll need a lot of tomatoes. Take the defiled tomatoes and chop them into thumb sized chunks for the blender. Blend til smooth.
Now you get a big ass pot (like a dutch oven or something if you have it) and toss some olive oil in. Heat. Add a few cloves of garlic, oregano, and pepper flakes to the oil and cook them just until you can smell it. You can get pretty liberal with the spices here, since a shit ton of tomato puree is going in now. Add some salt after you throw the tomato puree in.
Bring it to a medium high simmer then turn it down. Cook/reduce uncovered for like an hour, stirring only occasionally. Then take it off heat, add the juices you saved from before, some more olive oil, and some fresh chopped basil. Salt to taste.
If you're adventurous you can experiment with other spices but this is a solid start.
For pan sauces all you really need is the fond leftover from searing/cooking your meat or veggies, then add some stock, butter, and maybe minced garlic to the hot pan. Scrape up and incorporate the fond, and add fresh herbs like rosemary, thyme, oregano, etc. Then spices. Reduce/cook until you have the consistency you want.
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bcac05 No.383975
>>383969
How much olive oil would you suggest? Several cups or just 1 or 2?
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39e3dc No.383977
>>383975
For the seasonings, just a couple tablespoons. At the end, maybe three or four tablespoons. Also depends on the amount of sauce you have at the end. I aim for like a quart of sauce at the end but it depends on how many tomatoes I have.
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055f68 No.384196
>>383969
You forgot the anchovies. It gives italian sauces a subtle savory flavor
Here is a basic version like what you mentioned:
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/11003-fast-tomato-sauce-with-anchovies
Just use fresh tomatoes like you mentioned instead of canned.
Here's another for a garlic sauce:
https://www.saveur.com/article/recipes/spaghetti-with-anchovy-garlic-sauce
Just be sure to shop around for good anchovies instead of just getting cheap shit or, god forbid, anchovy paste.
I suggest Merro or Ortiz anchovies, both in the jar.
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34ee87 No.389558
The young vampire swallowed nervously as she looked at the cake in front of her. She glanced back up at the camera with an unconvincing smile plastered on her face. This was going to be awful. It always was. Why had she decided being the host of a cooking show was a good idea? Why did they make her try the food? Couldn’t there just be like… a panel to taste it for her instead? They kept talking about how they didn’t have the budget, but couldn’t it just be like the producer and stuff?
Blowing out a sigh, she knew she wasn’t getting out of this. “O-okay! It’s time to try this week’s cake! As you can see, our buttercream frosting looks so thick and rich!”
Actually the butter was too cold and she added too much sugar. It was too thick, not that it mattered anyway. It tasted like ash whether or not she’d screwed it up. Sometimes, she hated being a cursed creature of the night with a hobby she could never enjoy. She braced herself and took as dainty a forkful as she could.
Oh.
Ash. As always. It was so bitter and so dry, but she knew she couldn’t cough on camera, or they’d have to do another take which meant she would have to make the damn thing and eat it AAAaaaaAaalllLL over again.
“Wow! Looks like it turned out great! I-” She barely managed to hold back a cough and kept going. “I wish you were all here to taste this with me! Thanks again to our sponsors this week, and I’ll see you next time on Mirabelle’s Kitchen!”
As soon as the cameras stopped rolling, Mirabelle immediately ran over and spat into the sink. Eugh, god she was fired, wasn’t she? She messed up making the frosting and now this. She turned to the producer teary-eyed. “U-um, sorry I… c-choked. A-and I’m on a diet…”
The producer just smiled, but the new guy on the camera crew looked a little nervous.
“U-um, do you want to try some? It’s pretty good, I promise!” She lied, tears welling up in the corner of her eyes.
He looked around for a few seconds shiftily, looking for a way out. “Uh… nah, I’m, u-uh… no thanks, I’m full.”
Tears welled up in Mirabelle’s eyes again. It was all over. She’d be fired and thrown out and she’d have to explain why her cooking show got cancelled to everyone who recognised her in public for at least forty more years. She briefly considered hiding in a coffin until everyone she knew was dead and then making a new life in another country before she was interrupted by the producer patting her on the back.
“You did great! I think we got some really good footage this week. Maybe you could go get some rest? You look… worn out.”
She blinked in disbelief. Good footage? Good footage!? She spent 20 seconds trying to fish bits of egg shell out of the mixing bowl when she cracked the egg too hard. If they edited it, it would look so obvious! Really, she was beginning to think that she should have let herself cough just so she could have an excuse to try again.
“Uhh… I-If you say so, Mr. Lee. C-could we maybe do at least one more take? At least on the part where I mix the ingredients together…”
She… did she think it actually mattered? She was always a perfectionist to a fault on these dumb little things. Nobody was going to notice her frosting was a bit off.
He put a hand on her shoulder and smiled gently. “No, Mirabelle. You did fine. Go grab a coffee or something at least.”
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34ee87 No.389559
>>389558
A week later and Mirabelle returned to the studio for another recording of her show. She was a little early, so she headed into the break room with her notes, determined to get things perfect this time. She’d already tried the recipe at home, and it had turned out… not burnt? It smelled fine, but it wasn’t as though she had anyone to actually taste it for her.
When she entered the break room, the producer and a few of the camera crew were there and went into a small panic trying to turn off the break room TV.
Mirabelle was suspicious. “Um…?”
“S-sorry! We were watching something a little, uh… racy. Didn’t wanna throw you off your game. Ready for today?” The producer said, clearly deflecting.
Whatever. “I-I hope so. I… I think everything should go fine this time…”
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34ee87 No.389560
>>389559
“A-and in order to finish off this Béchamel, I’m going to give it just a dash o-”
Mirabelle gasped as the top of the nutmeg shaker popped off, dousing the entire pot with a brown smoke bomb. For a minute, she didn’t even move, unsure on whether to try and salvage, or give up and cry. Eventually, between her insecurities and the nutmeg powder that had gotten in her eyes, she slumped to the floor and started weeping.
Meanwhile, the producer had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. He dashed to the small vampire’s side and rubbed her shoulder. “M-Mirabelle, are you o-”
“I’M NOT CRYING! I-I… I just have… n-nutmeg in my eyes…”
“Oh, well then let’s keep rolling, then. You’re doing great.” He lied.
Mirabelle took a deep breath, blinked back the oncoming tears, then carefully scooped out as much of the nutmeg as she could before continuing with the béchamel.
“Be sure to use cold milk in your hot roux, so that no lumps form. N-nobody likes a chunky béchamel, right? I mean, just look at this beautiful, silky-”
It was so lumpy it resembled pancake batter more than a sauce. Gummy globs of flour and butter clung to the whisk, and this time Mirabelle was having a harder time holding it together. Why? Why was this happening to her? She’d messed up with the nutmeg and cleaning up had taken long enough that the milk had warmed up, and the sauce had set up too much in the intervening time.
Whatever. Who cared? This was the future she chose for herself. She’d wanted just a cute little cooking show she could have fun on and… She blinked away the tears in her eyes a little. She still wanted this, even if it wasn’t easy. Everyone was supporting her and she couldn’t let them down. She straightened her apron a little and stood up taller.
“What’s great about a béchamel is how many places you can take it! Today we’re keeping it basic, but we’ll be doing some more exciting variations really soon!” She chirped in her stage voice.
She managed to bumble through the rest of the recipe, and the fish even ended up being cooked relatively well. Maybe she’d been overreacting earlier! Just baking it all together was as easy as it could get. She beamed, thinking that someone out there might get into cooking better when they saw how easy it could be.
“Okay! And before we dish up for the final tasting, let’s add a little garnish for that final flourish! It’s-” Oh, no. She must have left it in the fridge accidentally. Okay. Don’t panic, just play it off like you meant to do it. Relax. Don’t cry over parsley. Don’t cry over parsley. Don’t cry over parsley. “…right in the fridge! Let’s go grab it.”
Mirabelle twirled around to make her way to the fridge, her apron and skirt fluttering a little in her rush. Practically throwing open the door, she began rooting around in a drawer in a slight panic.
“Mirabelle, you don’t need to rush, we’ll just cut out this part in post-” The producer began.
“Wha-? OW!” Startled, Mirabelle jerked up, hitting her head on a shelf.
Time seemed to move nearly in slow motion as the vampire looked up to see a jar teeter, then fall, smashing open on her head and coating the vampire in a layer of juice and minced garlic.
“…A-are you oka-”
Holding the bundle of parsley away from herself, Mirabelle proceeded to fill the vegetable crisper with a hearty layer of vomit. For a bit longer than Mr. Lee would have liked, Mirabelle stood still and retched wordlessly.
“Uh… maybe we should cut now…”
Before the cameraman had a chance to move, Mirabelle held up a finger to stop him. After another moment, she straightened her back and turned to face the camera, fake smile plastered on her face.
“We had a little mishap at the fridge, but that’s okay! We’re so close it would be a shame to stop now!” She kicked the door of the vomit-filled refrigerator shut and walked back to her cutting board. “Feel free to get creative with your garnish! Personally, I like to use a big sprig of parsley on this kind of dish. It reminds me of a nice, peaceful forest scene.”
Just a little more. Even the crew could tell she was barely holding it together, but she managed to take a big bite of the dish she’d prepared before her smile so much as wavered.
“M-Mmm! I think you and your family are really going to like this one, everyone! I hope you have better luck than me, but until then, thanks for joining me to cook today! I hope I’ll see you next time!”
The moment the cameraman gave the signal that he was no longer recording, Mirabelle conspicuously spat out a mouthful of ash and dropped to her knees before trying to wipe the remains of the garlic off of herself.
It was over. She messed it all up, filled a fridge with vomit, made such a mess of the episode she didn’t know if even the editors could save it, and worst of all, at this point half the crew probably suspected she was a vampire. The show was as good as over, wasn’t it?
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34ee87 No.389561
>>389560
Mirabelle came home in a haze and flopped down on her couch with a cold pack of blood, too depressed to even bother warming it up.
She flipped on her small TV to get her mind off her awful day. She didn’t usually bother watching cable, but she didn’t want to think any more. She flipped to some random comedy channel and buried her face in a pillow.
“Tune in to this season’s hottest comedy cooking show!”
The vampire had planned on completely ignoring the commercial until she heard a very familiar-sounding voice.
“Uh… t-thanks for tuning in to Cooking with Mirabelle again this week…”
Her head snapped up. She’d never bothered watching her own show, since she knew it would drive her crazy to see every little mistake, but… did they just say comedy?
“Watch TV’s favourite little vampire do her best every week!”
The commercial cut to a shot of her chopping garlic while holding her face as far away from the cutting board as possible, whining uncomfortably. The next few shots were of her coughing up ash and staring into the camera to unconvincingly say that the food was delicious, to roaring laughter they must have put in afterwards.
H-her acting wasn’t that bad, was it?
Another shot, this time it was during the peppercorn steak episode. She watched in horror as she was reminded of the time she dumped the entire pepper shaker on her finished steak. The worst part of that episode was that it would have tasted the same even if she didn’t mess up.
But… the director said they wouldn’t use that cut!
“Catch the giggles with our creepy cutie, every Wednesday on MBC!”
She wasn’t creepy! What had they been doing behind her back? She hardly even knew how to use that computer she’d bought about ten years back, but she wanted answers.
The first thing she saw was the website for the show, with a few more embarrassing clips she’d told them to cut out. There was even that one last month when she’d yelled that she had to pee and someone needed to watch the oven a little louder than she’d meant to at the time.
The next thing she found was the ‘Mirabelle’s Cooking subbrappit’ and… oh god.
There were dozens of links everywhere. She clicked on one at random and it brought her to a thread of people talking about the show.
>hey, do you think they script the accidents on the show? It’s so cute when her eyes get all teary
>it’s probably all scripted tbh, do you think anyone could be that stupid on purpose?
>the crew fuck things up when she has her back turned I think
>Mirabelle is my waifu don’t bully her >~<
>I got a video from the leaked footage thread about this http://y…[expand]
Clicking on the link, she was brought to a video of the producer and one of the girls from the editing department… wait, was this from today? They were wearing the same clothes…
“Okay, grab the garnish and put it back in the fridge, I’ll get the garlic.”
“Mr. Lee, don’t you think this is kind of… mean?”
“Oh, it’ll just give her a little scare and then she’ll look like she’s been chopping onions for the rest of the episode. It’s gonna be classic!”
“O-okay…”
What.
Did he actually-?
Mirabelle huffed in anger. This had probably been the worst day of her life and it was his fault?! Why didn’t he tell her what the show was?!
She browsed around a little longer until she got to the leaked footage thread. She found one that had a lot of replies and…
It was literally just camcorder footage of her crying in the bathroom. She heard someone behind the camera that sounded like the producer again.
“Aaah… dunno if we can use this one, it’s kind of echoey…”
Mirabelle squeezed her blood pack hard enough it almost popped. Clearly she’d been missing out on the hilarious jokes everyone else was in on.
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34ee87 No.389562
>>389561
Next week, Mirabelle walked into the studio and the producer walked up to her to say good morning.
“Hey! I wasn’t sure you were coming, I haven’t heard from you all week! Is everything okay?”
“Peachy.” Mirabelle said, smiling.
“Oh, good. I was getting kind of worried that- AH!”
The vampire grabbed his arm, easily dragging the man along with her supernatural strength. “Come on, Mr. Lee, it’s time to shoot our cute little comedy show with the creepy vampire girl.”
“O-ow! Wait! Hang on, how did you-!”
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34ee87 No.389563
>>389562
“Hey everyone! Welcome back to Cooking with Mirabelle! I’m so glad you could join us again this week, because we’ve got a very special guest! Say hello to our producer Mr. Lee! He’s going to be joining me from now on as my assistant!”
The producer squirmed on the chair he’d been tied to. “U-uh… Mirabelle? Could you at least take the blindfold off?”
A few of the cameramen giggled nervously.
“Oh, no. We can’t have that! The crew and I decided that you’ve had this little debut coming for quite some time, so just get comfy Mr. Lee!” Mirabelle started unfastening the buttons on the producer’s shirt. “Now everyone, this week, we’re going to be doing the first recipe suited for people with dietary restrictions! As you should be seeing on the screen right now, that’s right! We’ll be making a traditional Irish black pudding!”
“…oh god.”
“Now, you might be wondering what the ingredients are. Well, the most important part of this recipe is blood! Now, depending on your local butcher, you might be able to ask for pigs’ blood, and that’s the most traditional, but…” Mirabelle licked her lips and patted Mr. Lee’s head. “I happen to have a perfectly good source right here! Now, if you’re planning on using human blood, you should take care to secure a nice, high-quality source with no diseases, and preferably with a taste you like! Fortunately, our assistant here had a donor’s card, and he’ll be perfect for today’s recipe.”
The producer groaned. “We didn’t really mean any harm, you know! It doesn’t really matter what you’re doing, people love how cute you are! You’re a star!”
“And we won’t be doing any harm either! Fortunately, Mr. Lee here has about 5 litres of blood in his body, so the two cups we’ll be needing for the recipe won’t be doing anything worse than making him a little light-headed! First, as with any fresh ingredients, you should clean it before you draw anything.” Mirabelle wiped his neck with a cloth cold enough that it made him flinch. “And now, let’s get our two cups!”
The vampire bit his neck, filling her cheeks with blood before spitting into a measuring cup.
“You’ll need to draw several times of course and it’ll sting, so if you’re going to get your own from someone, make sure they have a decent pain tolerance or that they deserve it!”
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34ee87 No.389564
>>389563
An hour and a half later, Mirabelle proudly showed her creation to the camera. “And here it is! Now remember, some herbs pair better with certain blood types, but feel free to experiment! Today, I paired Mr. Lee’s O positive with a nice oregano and rosemary. You can feel free to add garlic if you want too, but…” Mirabelle giggled. “So, let’s give it a try!”
The vampire took a large forkful of pudding and chewed her portion, beaming. “Wow! I really like that little bit of extra savoury flavour the rhesus factor adds! Now then, let’s have my assistant weigh in!”
“U-uh… I’m good, actu-”
“Nonsense! It came from you, so back in it goes! Open up!”
The producer sighed and opened his mouth, completely defeated. He chewed for a moment before spluttering and coughing out the mouthful of black pudding he’d been given. “W-what did you do to it?”
“That’s what the blindfold was for, silly! As you can see, I’ve prepared my dashing assistant a plate of his own with a special ingredient. Can you guess what it is? That’s right! It’s ash!”
“Ugh…”
“My, my! It must be terrible to be forced to eat ash on TV! I couldn’t possibly imagine!” Mirabelle turned back to the camera and smiled brightly. “I’m so glad you could join us again this week! I hope your cooking adventures go well, and remember, we’ll be back again in a month for the launch of season two! Until then, ciao!”
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e1e650 No.389568
>>389560
I’m wondering how this would go with the MGE reaction to garlic for vampires i. e. Drunken arousal
Cameraman’s pelvis would be in grave danger
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52e5c5 No.389632
>>389564
That was great. I want to protect Mirabelle's smile.
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548127 No.389679
>>389558
>that image
I swear I've seen it before. Did you get inspiration from the picture? Or did you get the picture done for the story and I'm just losing my marbles. which I can believe tbh
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9f89c8 No.390146
>>389679
It's an old one snowy did when I was floating the idea like a year ago, but I didn't actually write anything until recently.
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d76754 No.390163
>>364296
This is delicious.
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bcac05 No.390217
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daf4ed No.390521
>>389558
Why would a vampire even become a cooking host! That is like a paraplegic trying to become a basketball player.
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0e61d1 No.390522
>>390163
It seems overly sweet, but I can't imagine the taste being offensive because noodles have a neutral flavor. This is only upsetting to anons because they're accustomed to savory noodles.
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d7e12f No.390542
>>390163
>>390522
This reminds me of something noodle and monstergirl-related. Kagome, a Japanese tomato product company, has a Neapolitan fairy mascot for their "Naporitan" sauce called Napoli-tan (she also has a rival fairy named Meat Sousui). However, Naporitan, which is quite popular in Japan, refers to a ketchup-based spaghetti. American food rations in WWII would sometimes consist of using ketchup for spaghetti, and so during the course of the allied occupation of Japan following the events of WWII, General MacArthur visited the New Grand Hotel in Yokohama. There, the general chef, Shigetada Irie, tried creating a sauce based on said rationing in order to please his guest. At the time, he did not literally use ketchup in the sauce, but as the new sauce spread, people actually began using ketchup for it after all, with pics related being the eventual results.
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235cfb No.390816
>>390146
Quality stuff, saved for future posterity.
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443489 No.391180
>>389564
this cutie needs a sequel to find a husband.
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