Well anons. After my curiousity ended up getting in me into much more shit than I bargained for,(and I didn't bargain for much in the first place) it's safe to say that I have much more respect for this for book and saturn than I did back in May.
<Had a brief thing with molech about the tree of life, ask what his sigil is, and he shows me the black cube. We do not progress any further and part ways.
<Hear about the cult of saturn and the associated rabbit hole with it.
<Reminisce about synchronicities with black cubes.
<End up not caring about the rabbit hole, or the cult but rather about the cube.
<My curiosity gets the best of me, I make my own black cube and invoke it.
<During the day, shit just doesn't fucking work for me. Get in a yelling match with a family member, miss a medical appointment, and slept the worst I've slept in an already bad month.
<think nothing of it until after work that day.
<Read more on the book in the OP, there's a section on Sani, the hindu god of Saturn. (My chosen religion, being hindu)
<Turns out, saturnite deities are not nice, in fact the book plainly states they are equally assholes to everyone, even though they are all crippled in some way.
<With guidance and a watchful eye from Father Shiva, I make contact with Sani. The man acts- and laughs like a supervillain, and along with typical saturn powers, seems to have domain over destructive stupidity, in addition to being black-skinned. So, to say that he has domain over niggers and nigger mentality is probably apt.
<Contacting my divine family aftwards has resulted in responses ranging from worry to outright anger (not at me, but at what was in me).
<Check the astrology of 2020: Saturn-pluto readings, lasting from may to july. What. The. Fuck.
<Read up on a bunch of more saturn-related synchronicities.
<Get the feeling that I wasn't punished any harder because I've got things in my bedroom that are amicable to saturn gods.
<Remember from the book how saturnite rituals and such are meant only to placate and ward off suffering, and even gods get that gaze/
<I'm freaking out, legit terrified.
>Consul with mother Durga.
>resistance from the other side, focus harder on her sigil, trying my best to invoke/evoke her.
>Success, she breaks through, and rips the black cube out of me.
>Reading more up on her to pass time and bring up my spirits.
>Read that she's an ender of suffering.
>Why "tolerate" suffering when I can end it?
>Remember about how gods use time as a tool, and how time in the astral means nothing to them- therefore the saturn gods are completely under their control.
>The idea that saturn and time bring absolutely unavoidable suffering is silly dogma. Suffering is brief, death is the only constant for humanity and death itself is okay.
>Make contact with the rest of my divine family again, still get responses of worry. It appears I still had some kind of metaphysical wound where I was invoking the cube.
>End up getting advice from Mother Lakshmi to contact Brahma.
>Can't find Brahma's sigil, so I get guidance from Father Vishnu about him.
>Turns out, simply vibrating his name works. Ask for help on my "scars" from my misadventures.
>Grandfather Bramha heals the scars and synchronicity connections, replacing the black cubes with gold spheres and gold cubes.
As foolish as I was for staring into the abyss- and knowing exactly how it feels to be stared back at, I am so glad that the shit that happened to me was peanuts compared to how fucked I've could've gotten. And I'm thankful for my divine family for showing me back to the path and showing that life has zero need to be bad forever.
I really feel like I had my own little micro-version of that ex-satanic anon who went from christian to satanic to traditionalist catholic.