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Esoteric Wizardry
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The rules are simple and mostly apply to the creation of threads on /fringe/:
1. No duplicate threads of topics that already exist unless the previous thread has hit the bump limit
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If the board goes up for claim and the board owner can't be found anywhere, please contact chanseywrites@hotmail.com to give the board to her. To contact the board owner send an email to fringewizard@pm.me

Tipp's Fringe Bunker

 No.134648

I'm going through a slow mental breakdown due to quarantine. I got in early because of /pol/ and then it officially kicked in when the government took action months later and I've been isolated with 2 years worth of food all around me for a long time now. When /fringe/ went down my life completely broke down too but then I ended up in hospital a couple times and finally got things in place for me to turn my life around. With new social supports in place I was quickly making gains; social gains, fitness gains, etc. I put on 50 lbs of weight (I was underweight), cleared up the mental fog, started to be able to talk normal, started getting medical treatment for my various issues including physiotherapy and some psychiatric help, got access to unlimited food via soup kitchens, made friends who I felt I could really connect with instead of that horrible feeling I've always lived with my whole life where I secretly resent or feel alienated from the people I force myself to be around for once I finally felt I could talk openly and express myself without being constrained to a very narrow socially acceptable range of conversational topics. It was hard, I was struggling, but I was seeing clear about the root causes of my suffering and I was finally turning my life around.

Now I'm isolated again completely, can't sleep, I'm in constant physical pain again, and the police have been checking in on me trying to get me to rat out people they think I'm connected to when in reality I have no idea who those people are but want to meet them, and I keep going through bouts of "everything takes a massive effort to do I just want to lay down and not wake up my mind is torturing me please let me enter a weightless comfy void my body is deadweight to me" aka depression. I've been using every coping mechanism I can to hold things together rather admirably while the quarantine gets longer and longer and I have no fellowship with other human beings.

I have come to understand how incredibly important it is to have fellowship and to get out every day and sit at a table with people and talk and eat food. It has an effect on your body and mind that makes it easier to sleep and to get things done. I went to a lot of churches and I hung out with other woke people on the streets. I could have got a girlfriend, women were really attracted to me, and it could well have just been a matter of time before one took an interest in me that was actually well suited to me.

First couple months of quarantine I continued to make gains, especially physical gains. Kept getting stronger. However my ability to talk and to sleep and so on has been just fizzling out. I'm turning into a thousand yard stare shut-in again and it's enough mental damage that I think it'll take a month at this point of pretty consistent efforts to repair it, efforts that can't be made due to the quarantine. If the quarantine goes on and on the damage will take even longer to repair and this could all be quite a big set-back for me.

Something I've been appreciating a lot lately btw are the Vedic and Christian teachings about simplicity, long-suffering, and patience. In Hinduism you can find texts that talk about how the simple householder if she does her duty in life can acquire all insights and accomplish all things. I've been applying that a lot in my life and appreciating how the very little things can make or break you and how consistently striking a balance and being in harmony with your surroundings can build you up, strengthening the mind, and occult faculties. Now life is very abnormal however and my perspective is shifting to meditations on fate and mortality. I feel very meta, observing an inevitable chain of events, and the unstoppable outcomes. I feel like I understand everyone and everything. My agency to resolve the issues even knowing their causes is really reduced right now and my ability to operate under higher laws and higher orders of causality is stunted by my development not being able to progress all that much under the current circumstances.

How is quarantine going for you?

____________________________
Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

 No.134665

I've been busy as hell with university classes but I've got this summer off. I finally came back to 8kun and other places. I initially was active at the start of my break to rush cleaning, laundry, and some book reading, but now the exhaustion kicked in and I've just been on image boards and video games for the past week. I still sometimes get feelings of anxiety when playing games as if I should be doing something else with my time, but I think I need to relax a little. Now that I have free time, it's been nice to get around to the esoteric studies again. Working out was also something I was really getting into this year and I've gained a good amount of weight at the start but I think I need to eat more now to continue gains. I've been losing energy this month but I don't feel totally lethargic, so maybe it's just the weather or something. It's probably that I haven't been sleeping as much since I keep staying up later and later. Even time has been feeling faster. So I have to try and change something with myself soon and get my summer more productive. I was wanting to get a job because I wanted to get some money, but the lock-down screwed that plan up, so now I'm just stuck in place once again.

It was only just recently that I've been thinking how I might supposed to be here, as if life events are pushing me back onto the magical path. Maybe we're all supposed to be here right now, reading, studying, practicing.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.



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