/desu/ - Desu

Я люблю тебя. Ты это знаешь.

Просто мне очень, очень плохо. Вот и всё.

Я всегда о чём-то жалею.

Почти обо всём.

Да...

sorry for the delay, I perhaps was a bit too un responsible and left my self in bad shape for the last two days. however things are going to be different.

>>5548

>certainty in preferences, some standards and understanding of them, because otherwise the wind will sway you and push into decisions which in turn will bring unwanted consequences to the future.

I feel if i am understanding this correctly, I can correlate it to a few situations, I will not get into them however a few of my own i could not anticipate how not ready they were to delve into such a community with influences that use acceptance as a lure. most are blind to see the damage that could come to them with such lifestyles. However that is not for here. It will not be easy, but I will do everything i can for them. did not expect our community to get massively outnumbered when inhabiting it, within such short time, I am thankful for the new allies that help keep order however more may come.

>Is it easy to become an alcoholic without even noticing it?

I would think it depends on the situation, i feel most have many reasons as to how they fall into the sort of states, I for one drink for a way to keep my aches in check after a long exhausting day, along with to calm my mind from a mixture of things that cross my mind throughout the weeks. many can be for social stimulus, even a depressant. I feel I am far from one as of yet however symptoms and a noticeable amount in the multitude I have been consuming over the past year, worries me. I wished to return to my state of mind a year ago, which was much cleaner, and collected. I more less feel i need to be proactive on the situation before things become worse.

>>5559

>What exactly do you want to understand?

these things i more less am starting to put together as i go, and learning of how things work in the east. I have no real questions as of now, but i feel and understanding can really help my decision making skills for future situations on western boards which are much less disciplined.

>>5562

>Don't take anything close to heart. Pretty please... It's not your fault at all.

understood, and I will do my best, as of lately my thoughts have been getting more convoluted leading me to find myself in some emotional situations. however i have parted away from a couple others that are self sustainable to free my self of such confusion, and will return with a fresh un intoxicated mind.

>You're good person. And you have pure, healthy mind, I'm sure.

I appreciate it, I truly do. I have been watching in the darkness for quite some time, working towards understanding this new but regular entity that arrived here, and what i saw that came of it made me very happy. its much cleaner and a much positive place, I hope and work towards the best.

Sorry for my absence.

I hate hospitals.

>>5583

I apologize for my absence as well, and second this. Even when not staying, clinics and such are a bureaucracy hell

Как странно течёт время...

Да.

А мне пора потихоньку уходить. Я нашёл, что искал. И меня тоже искали, оказывается. И нашли. Теперь я, наконец, знаю, что это за чувство такое, о котором все постоянно говорят. Счастье.

Я останусь, не вмешиваясь, следить за бордом и ухаживать за ним, но не более. В Сети стало хуже, чем irl.

И теперь есть вещи гораздо важнее.

Согласен. Рад, что ты нашёл, что искал.

Прощай, Дельта.

Прощай, Бета.

Goodbye, Ginfag.

...

Adieu, Desunya.

farewell friend.

Вот уже несколько недель прошло, но ощущение, будто несколько месяцев. И я всё не могу перестать думать о тебе. Сердце трудно усыпить и утихомирить. Ты самый потрясающий человек, которого я когда либо видел. Я молчал всё время, чтобы не создавать беспокойства, но теперь, кажется, можно. В твоём месте живёт не так уж мало немного или даже много необычных людей. Но ты выделяешься даже среди них. Мне всё время хотелось прикоснуться к тебе вновь, хотя бы разочек. Но главное, чтобы тебе было хорошо. И пусть все наши обещания растаяли, как дым, всё равно, пожалуйста, помни, что я люблю тебя.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqVz09zS_RA

никто не поймет что я чувствуююббьаотооорпек

hang in there.

the quiet game continues, how much longer will we stay like this, weeks, months, til the site goes down under? I feel its all going to go to a permanent quiet once again. Step out of the shadows, how are all of you?

I wonder how is HE doing... I myself am still confused, even to this day.

I undertand how you feel, even though you may be much more in tact with Him, i can only hope for the best. How are you fairing out. Lets not grow too silent.

Now I feel better, tee-hee.

The sun is like "THIS summer I'll roast you to the bones!", even though it's only very beginning of spring.

the cold is passing, much sunnier days as of lately, its been nice. Some more color is never a bad thing, and yourself?

I can already tell this year is going to be much hotter, a time to make preperations to beat the heat.

It's getting sunnier here as well, even though we had it cloudy, foggy and snowy at the end of February. But, although it's nice to have some sun warming your skin after winter for the first time, I'm not much into colors and I don't really like summer.

Beat the heat, huh? I could only think of having more suitable clothes and sunglasses, bathing more often, having air-conditioner in the house and covering windows with lightproof material, and that's all.

those are almost similar preparations, the heat gets really bad around here. so making sure certain things are working is very important, mostly thankful my time outdoors is very small, so hopefully these next few months wont be too much of a hassle. hopefully not too hot on your end.

It's good to have free periods. Are you living alone?

Heat? Spring and Summer?

haha, last night we had another snowstorm, the cold is still right in between hot enough to rain and cold enough to snow. It switched between the two while I was running errands.

I would not be surprised if it got cold again. This winter feels like it will never end.

I prefer the winter, so i'm not sure I want it to, but it is also melancholic.

alone, yes. Alone? not very much i find the solitude relaxing, especially during these free periods, too good of a quiet for roomates, etc.

too much time without sun tends to get to me, so i see where you are coming from, however the heat can be very uncomfortable, just finished covering my windows the other day, i have a feeling its going to be pretty bad this year.

IMO autumn is perfect. Neither too cold nor too hot, no melting snow, no beriberi and a lot of vegetables to have. And it's beautiful.

Always desired for solitude, despite being totally unable to afford it, because I knew and felt it's vital for me. Story long, but after all these years I finally succeeded to push a very particular person out. Feels like breath and breeze, but man, isn't it too late... Well, at least, no feeling of life being sucked out anymore.

What material do you personally use to cover your windows, though?

some just work better alone, i can also say the same for myself, most social ties from the past have been severed, and was done for them. I feel i could be an emotional burden when it comes to getting too close to others, so i remain at arms length with everything. and even more distant outside the internet. I recently gave a shot to another, things went well for a few months, half a year if i recall correctly. but as i said before, the creeping feeling of me being a burden eventually rised about, and i felt guilt that I could not see them the same way, and for about a month or two i grew more and more distant. redacted was still content, almost clueless of how i was feeling, however i knew they could see the distance growing. Unable to deal with the guilt that tie was severed, and i feel it was for the better, could not see them grow uncertainties, uncertainties that could leave redacted to not be able to pair again, as i currently see my social state, far too paranoid and confused to take on another soul.

>Feels like breath and breeze, but man, isn't it too late... Well, at least, no feeling of life being sucked out anymore.

i can relate to the breeze, however i felt i was draining them of happiness.

>What material do you personally use to cover your windows, though?

i thick black paper like material is naturally folded very neatly and is as simple a shaping them to your windows and applying it, its very cheap and works numbers for privacy/keeping the sun/heat out. also is much more pleasant on the eyes than foil or most simple materials.

>>5648

You're rather conscious about such things. If I am not mistaken, your motivation still steps on guilt and inconveniences caused to others rather than on your own pain. I wonder if you actually possess a strong will.

Foil and black paper both will let a part of sunlight go. If firm darkening is what you seek for I'd recommend to use a thick black blanket piled up in two layers. There is also special black-out material used in military, but I don't know if it's easily obtainable or not.

> I wonder if you actually possess a strong will.

my will is as strong as ever, unbreakable. That being said i am after all still human, and these sorts of sentiments, as selfless as they are exist for a reason, I know where i stand in regards to myself, however when it comes to others i tend to look into they're thoughts and feelings, more therally. After all, how could you help anyone if you do not understand what is in need of that help in the first place. What if that very pain of my own if soothed by looking out for others?

>There is also special black-out material used in military, but I don't know if it's easily obtainable or not.

I will be sure to look into this, especially before the higher temperatures begin to pick up.

curse my awful absentmindedness.

I am still here, just silently lurking and checking in. My mind has been on bills and work for the last few weeks.

How have you all been?

>>5657

Indeed. As long as you are aware what you yourself are about, it's good, I guess.

> I will be sure to look into this, especially before the higher temperatures begin to pick up.

Hey, did you find anything already?

>>5667

So so. Nothing new for the time being.

Summer is fast approaching. I hope all is going well. As the seasons transition, so too you may find your inner world undergoing its own transformation. It may seem as if it is an unpredictable chaos, a turmoil of the spirit and mind, but ultimately you will reach a new state of catharsis wherein you shall see that things were as they were always meant to be. Solace. Solstice. It is no coincidence that "solace", once the Roman "solacium", incorporates the word "Sol"--our Sun. And as the summer solstice arrives, you may find it an irresistible thought to rejoice in a private picnic, to allow the summer breeze to caress you, and for you to take a moment, turn inward and say a prayer so that you may find solace this Summertide.

I finally decided to update Firefox.

...

>>5799

>>5800

it has been a while, how are you as well as the others? hope all is well.