0211cb No.28679 [Last50 Posts]
So I've been watching DS9 for the first time since it aired. All the episodes in order. After nearly a year, I'm finally up to Season 7. Last night I marathon'ed "Treachery, Faith and the Great River," "Once More Unto the Breach," "The Siege of AR-558," "Covenant," and last but not least, "It's Only a Paper Moon." Goddamn it, but did Paper Moon hit me right in the feels…
>From the classy outfits, to the smooth music, to films like "Shane," why was the 1960's culture far more sophisticated than the degeneracy we have today?
>TFW you can never escape to 1960's Las Vegas to help run a nightclub and build a casino.
>There's no mentor figure in your life like Vic Fontaine to help you get back up on your feet.
>Nog had his leg amputated and is suffering from PTSD.
>What's your excuse?
But how did Nog eat and go to the bathroom if he was in that holosuite for days?
____________________________
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5c647a No.28684
>>28679
>how did Nog eat and go to the bathroom if he was in that holosuite for days?
Holodecks and Holosuites have replicator stuff in them. Basically, food, objects and water can be replicated and then placed in a holo-program.
I understand that "waste" can be reverse replicatored…. or something….
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0211cb No.28685
>>28684
>I understand that "waste" can be reverse replicatored…. or something….
B-but matter can't just disappear into nothing & conversely can't be made from nothing. So that means all the basic matter that the replicator uses to make food & goods is actually….
*high pitched Ferengi screaming*
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796647 No.28687
>>28685
That applies to real life, too. Every sip of water you take was probably pissed out by a nigger at some point in the distant past. Although if it makes you feel better, replicators are matter/energy converters, so there's at least a chance that the replicated food you ate came from station's main reactor instead of recyclings.
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53c1f2 No.28689
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>28679
Glad I'm not the only one who got a bit choked up watching that episode. Too many feels man. Too many feels.
>>28687
By now every bite of food you take, and every sip of water you drink, has been through more digestive systems than you can count most of them not human. It's better not to think about it too much.
>>28685
Matter/energy conversion. We know it would work, that's literally what E=mc^2 is about. But, as (mc^2) is such a retardedly high number it's no more than an interesting idea until someone actually gets a dilithium reactor up and running.
>8987551787 Megajoules of energy required to replicate 100ml of water
>That's slightly more than the energy released by a 2 megaton nuclear explosion.
>Replicators get far scarier when you realise that replicating your morning raktajino could result in an explosion several times larger than the one that hit Hiroshima
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5c647a No.28690
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>28685
Worse when you consider 22nd Century Tech
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0211cb No.28691
>>28689
>>28687
What's strange is that just about everyone in Trek proclaims that real food is far better than replicated food as far as taste goes. Sure, that raktajino may be made of Worf's morning dump, but it's been re-molecular-ized to be a clean, poop free drink. So does that mean that we naturally prefer the taste of bug poo & cow dung fertilizer on our foods?
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10a926 No.28692
>>28687
>That applies to real life, too. Every sip of water you take was probably pissed out by a nigger at some point in the distant past
Ehhhh that's debateable. There is a lot of water on the earth.
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53c1f2 No.28702
>>28691
I always thought that was a psychological thing from the crew. Unless the replicator pattern is specifically designed to 'taste worse' for some reason the food and drink coming out of it would be entirely identical to the real thing, right down to the subatomic level. The human(oid) tongue is an impressively sensitive thing, but I sincerely doubt that it could tell the difference. The only explanation that makes sense then is that the crew see the replicated food and drink as 'artificial' and therefore worse than the 'real thing' even if that distinction exists only in their minds. It could be a hangover from the early/experimental models of the replicator, a more primitive device could well have made food and drink that tasted slightly odd and the reputation stuck even after the product improved to the point where it was indistinguishable from the real thing.
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5c647a No.28712
>>28702
>down to the subatomic level
And the transporters have to work at the quantum level to work and transport living people.
My guess would be that for certain foods and certain aromas, it would be possible to tell that a food or drink was replicated.
I don't think we ever get enough information about this, but I suspect that there might be a lot of food that people can tell the difference between real and replicated. There might also be a sense of smell and taste aspect about it. As humans, our sense of taste and smell might be limited compared to other species, so perhaps they might be able to better tell the difference.
There is another thing. You know how in an aeroplane, your sense of taste and smell gets suppressed at altitude? The same thing is experienced by astronauts in space, even though spacecraft and space stations are pressurised as close to 100kPa (sea level air pressure) as possible.
I don't know if this is ever directly addressed, but it's entirely possible that people are overall incapable of tasting the difference as the environment isn't that of a planet. That brings up questions about replicators in use on planets, but based on how people are still growing and farming food on Earth, it's entirely possible that replicators are thought of as a space travel thing.
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26a4b0 No.28715
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
Honestly "It's only a paper moon" has to be my favourite Star Trek episode of all time. It deals with a subject matter so deep and dark, but actually does it in a decent way without getting too far up its own arsehole.
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d17c00 No.28716
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53c1f2 No.28726
>>28712
>it's entirely possible that replicators are thought of as a space travel thing
I always thought that there'd be at least one in every home in the federation, and that there'd be crates of them on every colony mission. What's the point of hitting a post-scarcity economy if you're not going to use it?
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f07e87 No.28740
>>28712
>it's entirely possible that replicators are thought of as a space travel thing.
Picard's sister-in-law mentions that his brother refuses to get a replicator, implying that they are commonplace on earth. There's a sentimentality about old tech in the Star Trek world that probably means people prefer cooked meals and 'real' ingredients to replicated food. We know Gagh isn't as good from a replicator (because it's not alive).
Which raises an interesting question: can a replicator create a living being?
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0211cb No.28741
>>28740
>can a replicator create a living being?
Good question, but I'd hazard to say no. Sure, a replicator can create meat dishes. It can possibly create a whole cow. But that cow is just going to be an inanimate corpse. Why chop up & process dead animal matter when a replicator can already make hamburgers fully cooked? It kind of reminds me of the maker machines in "Transmetropolitan." They could make anything out of base materials, including animal body parts. So in the future, people started eating weird animal byproducts, liked fried gorilla eyeballs. Just because they can.
But this ties back to Nog and his replaced leg. His new leg was "bio-synthetic." Was it made in a replicator or grown in a test tube or something? We never get to see the leg or Nog's rehab in the medical station.
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64a209 No.28751
Invidious embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>28712
>>28740
The reason people insist replicated food tastes worse is because replicators don't actually create 1:1 copies of food. It was first established in a TNG episode (and then confirmed in a couple episodes of DS9) that replicators create "healthy" I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter imitations of the food, which supplies you with nutrients in the exact proportion that the Federation politburo has determined is the correct amount. Obviously, the imitation flavor ends up being imperfect, so people shun it in favor of regular old food whenever they can.
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4f8456 No.28757
>>28751
Surprised anyone isn't aware of this information yet considering how often you are beat over the head with it in the shows?
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5c647a No.28766
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>28740
>can a replicator create a living being?
No. This has been established on many occations, mostly because the replicator can only store the information about things on a subatomic level, meanwhile, the transporter works on the quantum level, which is why the transporter can beam living people. However, it's also why the transporter cannot "store" someone, instead, the information can only be "buffered", but if you do not rematerialise someone, they will eventually die. That is, unless you're Scotty and you work out how to keep your pattern in buffer for decades.
>>28741
>Sure, a replicator can create meat dishes. It can possibly create a whole cow.
From what I gather, replicators can take the basic information of how an animal would be chemically composed and would then replicate it according to that. The meat would basically be a genetic clone of whatever was on record, but there would be no way to make those cells live.
>Was it made in a replicator or grown in a test tube or something?
More likely a test tube. It's been established that outside of medications which are based on simple chemical structures, the replicator is basically not used for medical applications. A mix of factors like biocompatibility would probably make the replicator useless for a lot of things. Indeed, there was that one episode of TNG where the girl who was the daughter of Qs managed to do something with cell cultures in a petri dish, but because she used her Q powers instead of actually growing the cells, she destroyed the data which was necessary.
I would imagine that there are many things which the replicator cannot do with regards to bio-material.
>>28751
>supplies you with nutrients in the exact proportion that the Federation politburo has determined is the correct amount
I don't know if this is universally true though. Federation replicators tend to have this as a feature in order to prevent people from getting malnutrition, and I can get that. But it appears that non-Federation replicators are capable of just replicating whatever and that the Federation replicators just add the nutrients by default.
The loss in flavour would likely be as a result of the replicator only working on the sub-atomic, not the quantum level, which is most likely why people would call it "imitation" food. There's also the aspect that replicators might also be intended to not serve potentially harmful foods and drinks. For example, synthahol is intended to imitate the taste and flavour of alcohol with none of the effects alcohol has on the body. Certain other things, like fats and sugars might be reduced or replaced altogether by a replicator due to its possible issues should someone over-endulge.
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53c1f2 No.28771
>>28766
>I don't know if this is universally true though. Federation replicators tend to have this as a feature in order to prevent people from getting malnutrition
It would make perfect sense for starfleet (a military outfit) and colony projects under their authority/control. Modern military rations sacrificed natural flavours in favour of nutrition too. It doesn't necessarily mean that the same alterations would be made to the produce of the civilian replicators in private homes though. I know we all like to give the Feddies a heard time here, but they don't seem to make personal decisions for civilians outside of the sort of very exceptional circumstances that form the basis of most Strek plots.
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5c647a No.28772
>>28771
My understanding is that replicators, at least Federation built ones, even for civilian use, can be locked out of certain things. Say, for example, phasers and other similar weapons would not be replicatable on a Federation replicator. It might be possible with a Starfleet issued one with a security clearance though.
However, if we're going by what Enterprise shows us, it's that Earth reached a post-scarcity society without replicator technology, and that the Federation either adapted the technology from a member which joined later, or it took until the late 23rd century for the Federation members to develop one.
Considering that 22nd century tech is limited to protein re-sequencers (for synthasised meat, maybe?) and some other matter resequencers, the result is that only certain things can be synthasised, but with some kind of existing material. Think more like an advanced 3D printer, as opposed to the replicator which uses the same matter-energy conversion that the transporter uses.
But since even Vulcan has agriculture in the 22nd century (they just use stasis generators to keep food fresh for months), it looks like civilians might just be happy enough to stick with "traditional" means of producing food or other items. The replicator seems to have enabled sustained deployment times for starships. While the NX class ships could go for several months without re-supply, it seems that the Enterprise tried to resupply every few months and that the Enterprise would be resupplied at Earth maybe only a few times a year. Replicators would allow far longer deployments of starships without resupply, and even by the 23rd century, the seemingly abundant nature of Starbases and Deep Space stations would allow for easy logisitics for many ships.
I think it was Voyager which proved how a ship could go on in the 24th century for extended periods without resupply. That said, Voyager still had to rely on other factors as a result of energy rationing during the first few years in the Delta Quadrant.
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93e876 No.28773
>>28766
>The loss in flavour would likely be as a result of the replicator only working on the sub-atomic, not the quantum level,
I'm willing to believe there's a quantum component to life, but the taste of food I would challenge. Taste can readily be explained as interaction with matter; quantum mechanics aren't explicitly involved.
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7ea304 No.28882
I think this thread can be summed up by those who love organic farmer markets.
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cb451a No.28900
>>28679
It was nothing but Roddenberry's leftover autism that kept Trek from addressing the question of why people weren't just living in holodecks. He was too much of an idealist to imagine a world where people would choose to live in a perfect simulation of their own design and not have it portrayed as a negative thing.
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53c1f2 No.28911
>>28900
I'm surprised that JJ didn't have one scene of 'le fat, neckbearded, gamergator!!!!!!' living in a holosuite and being thoroughly mocked for it. Mind you, give me a chance to own the universe I live in and I'd happily forget that it was all photons and forcefields and enjoy myself massively.
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5f43ae No.28931
>>28712
>And the transporters have to work at the quantum level to work and transport living people.
THERE ARE NO TRANSPORTERS
THE PEOPLE ARE DE-MATERIALIZED AND REPLICATED
YOU WALK INTO A TRANSPORTER AND DIE
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5f43ae No.28932
>>28740
>can a replicator create a living being?
>>28931
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44386b No.28933
Yea, Nog's lil arc was top tier. I had some major feels during "It's Only a Paper Moon" and Nog's speech on how "I didn't think it could happen to me" really hit me hard. I don't think a Star Trek episode ever made me got to me like Paper Moon did, the closest was probably Inner Light.
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53c1f2 No.28936
>>28931
You're assuming that the entirety of star trek isn't the holographic escape/fantasy of a lonely 23rd century neet.
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391214 No.28937
>>28911
>give me a chance to own the universe I live in and I'd happily forget that it was all photons and forcefields and enjoy myself massively.
Thank goodness there's no money in the future. The 24th century equivalents to us will have nothing stopping them from getting ownership of a runabout or other small but relatively autonomous ship, rigging most of the inside to be a sophisticated holodeck, and living their lives among the photons and forcefields.
Hang around in a moderately distant part of Feddie space, far enough from the core regions that they ignore you but close enough to have stability and safety and to have places to resupply if needed. If the ship needs maintenance, create a holographic crew to do repairs. If you get sick, tell the computer to make a holographic doctor capable of curing you. If the Feddies sell the sector you're hanging out in to ebil space Nazis, or discover a wormhole in the sector and immediately launch an unprovoked invasion of the power on the other side, then you can just move along somewhere quieter since you're not tied to a planet.
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8ad5f5 No.28939
>>28937
Better yet, get a surplus BoP and cloak it.
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53c1f2 No.28940
>>28937
That would just be perfect. Every Anon living in their own personalised maximum level of comfy, although post quality on their subspace image boards would drop quite a lot with so many NEETs having so little to complain about. Although, as it'd be a federation holodeck (you know that guys like us wouldn't be able to afford the Ferengi Holosuites that never seem to malfunction on DS9) it would be going insane/rogue every other week. That could add a little fun every now and then but it's only a matter of time before you're locked into your own personal nightmare with no way out. Still, it'd be better than living on a Feddie core world.
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3e614c No.28943
>>28940
>you know that guys like us wouldn't be able to afford the Ferengi Holosuites that never seem to malfunction on DS9
I always assumed the holosuites were actually less advanced than the fed holodecks and the reason they were seemingly more stable was *because* they were less complex since all they were for was running sex programs and lacked all the crazy extra shit that feds added to theirs to try and pretend it wasn't just for fucking. Like the 24th century version of a Switch vs a Super Computer. So, for instance a ferengi holosuite wouldn't be able to accidentally create a self aware AI just from some blind nigger saying "make a npc able to beat my super intelligent robo-honky friend" because the Ferengi have no fucking reason to ever hook up a glorified fuck booth to a powerful enough computer to actually do that.
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7c0903 No.28945
>>28943
That makes sense, and we know from 'It's Only a Paper Moon' that Ferengi holosuites do have the capacity to modify their programs if run long term (the gangsters that try to muscle Vic and Nog when the program has been running for a week or two), so even with the bargain basement gear picked up at 'Honest Lork's Ferengi Emporium and Taxi Company' there'll be enough variation to keep us busy without it going all Skynet on us.
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0a2cbf No.28949
>>28940
What if we are living in a holodeck right now?
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7c0903 No.28951
>>28949
Has it wiped our memories and edited the program to be all boring, shitty, and stressful? Again? *sigh* Fucking Tuesdays man. Still, it's better than some of the programs you fags have been running (don't think we didn't know).
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391214 No.28952
>>28940
The malfunctions might be tolerable.
>Holodeck malfunctions
>turns your holowaifu yandere
>it's okay because you never encounter other physical people anyway, so the flaw of yanderes, that they can be dangerous if they feel threatened, is avoided
>only "downside" is that she can never quite be convinced a hologram can't bear a human's kids, and unlike you her program has infinite stamina.
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7c0903 No.28953
>>28952
Potential holo-waifu malfunctions
>She loads 'personality file: SJW (paranoid, aggressive, dumb: MAX)'.
>and the associated body.
>The program impregnates her with your child (resisting all attempts to abort the alterations) and after a very angry pregnancy she insists you get a job at your father-in-laws company (as a low end desk filler), if you refuse she divorces (whether you married her or not, fuck you, it's a holosuite malfunction it doesn't have to make sense) you and you spend the rest of the program in a cheap bedsit on a sub-subsistence budget and no social life.
>She grows a dick, young Arnie levels of muscle, starts calling you her bitch, and acting upon it.
>If she started out that way she loses the dick and your futa dominatrix becomes a hyper effeminate, muscle free chubby bitch, with the libido of a starfish.
>Her personal habits invert completely, and she starts constantly exhibiting behaviour you previously locked out of her profile.
>Your waifu updates with a Pakled template
That's just the possibilities I could think of off the top of my head.
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5d3cfe No.28954
>>28953
Holodeck hacker waifu wars sounds awesome.
>(whether you married her or not, fuck you, it's a holosuite malfunction it doesn't have to make sense)
Palimony. You don't even have to marry 'em in real life.
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7c0903 No.28956
>>28954
>Holodeck hacker waifu wars
Surely that ends up in a borderline MAD scenario. Unless you were such a Hollywood tier digital ghost (enough to fool the borderline omniscient computers in the setting) you'd only be inviting a counterattack at least as bad as what you did to the victim.
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92329e No.28958
>>28954
>Holodeck hacker waifu wars sounds awesome.
And it's already canon too.
The only question is what happens when it gets more sophisticated than swapping the girl's head with Quark's.
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cb451a No.28960
>>28932
>can a replicator create a living being?
The pilot episode of TNG and Datalore both imply that the transporters store patterns of living things and the replicators put them back together, if I'm remembering correctly. When Riker first enters the Holodeck, Data outright says that most of the plants and rocks and such are real and reconstructed from transporter pattern data. In the Datalore episode, they create a whole fucking tree from a pattern stored in their databanks and beam it into space.
They later drop that particular tidbit entirely, but the implication is that, yet, they could totally scan someone with a transporter and just recreate them with a replicator.
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9f6df0 No.28961
I read this thread
I leave wondering why /strek/ does not write episodes?
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6e4b7e No.28962
>>28961
There aren't any shows on.
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5d3cfe No.28965
>>28956
>Unless you were such a Hollywood tier digital ghost (enough to fool the borderline omniscient computers in the setting) you'd only be inviting a counterattack at least as bad as what you did to the victim.
In the Federation at least, all the cool computers seem to be owned/run by Starfleet and considering how they titter like middle-aged nuns whenever the topic of sex comes up, I'm guessing that unless you did it to one of them, they might just ignore your crimes.
Besides, turning someone's army of perfect holo-fuck machines into SJWs and locking the door is basically a holographic version of what Captain Kirk did to the original Harry Mudd, so maybe they're cool with it.
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7c0903 No.28966
>>28961
Outside of places like this there aren't that many people who'd enjoy the levels of autism that would result from /strek/ writing shows. That's if we could get past the bloodbath that would happen every time two or more /strek/kies disagreed on a point of lore.
>>28965
If any of you fuckers start messing with my holowaifu utopia then say hello to your new companion for the rest of time; and yes that edit will include environmental changes. The safety protocols will prevent the temperature, pressure, and acidity of the new atmosphere from killing you, so you'll just get to experience the sensation of being trapped on the rough side of Venus until you can figure out how to get the holodeck to hear you over the sound of the 700kmph wind.
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44386b No.28967
>>28961
You have to suck a lot of kosher dick and fuck a lot of kids to have a TV show or a movie nowadays.
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cb451a No.28968
>>28961
To what end? Fan films are verboten by CBS. Scripts are boring as fuck to read. Fanfiction isn't really our style.
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e4e0dc No.28973
>>28961
Studios don't usually take kindly to the writing staff trying to gas their producers.
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fc8ecb No.28980
>>28973
I always unironically thought that was a really cool looking space shit design
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80bd9e No.28987
>>28961
>I leave wondering why /strek/ does not write episodes?
anon might, but it's not going to get posted to /strek/ because of basic board culture that prescribes and mandates overzealous bullying, especially towards autismal "idea guy" walls-of-text, which those episodes would almost certainly start out as. It would have to be an iterative project, but that's about the only thing that it would have going for it. Hosting OC of any kind on an imageboard thread is just folly, though. Best to manage it like software with versions and branches externally and then just discuss here. It could still be /strek/ writing episodes, but not really, unless it was literally a continuation of the TNG Swoleverse. That I would contribute to. Nothing else is really our style.
Also, any kind of fanfic OC is almost certainly going to come with a lot of headcanon at this point and that's a minefield. Just ask skipfag. There is also the theory that has been posted in the litverse thread I think that basically says that any fanfic that is really good will get changed into being it's own original universe by the author before they ever publish it, usually on the advice of editors and beta readers. It's a theory to explain why litverses are so consistently terrible when they would seem to be a great way to get the best ideas released. In reality, they're just dumping grounds for the C and D-grade manuscripts of writers. Also, writefags are often paranoid about their ideas being stolen, so they are reluctant to publish them, even on slow Thai Toilet Cam message boards.
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e5e34b No.28989
>>28987
>anon might, but it's not going to get posted to /strek/ because of basic board culture that prescribes and mandates overzealous bullying, especially towards autismal "idea guy" walls-of-text, which those episodes would almost certainly start out as.
You'd be surprised. I've writefagged on various places like /monster/ and there's very little negative criticism unless you do gay shit. Most people are pretty appreciative of OC. About the worst reaction is to just be ignored. Look at the anon who made the barclay game. Most everyone is happy with what he did and thinks it's awesome.
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0211cb No.28990
>>28989
>I've writefagged on various places like /monster/ and there's very little negative criticism unless you do gay shit.
I also did a little writfagging on /monster/ too. It was all good until I had an Amazon do the typical thot move of hooking up with a random swole chad instead of the typical "nice guy" beta male who was wining & dining her.
Who would have thought that a little realism in a fantasy romance would get so many /monster/ anons riled up, calling for my head on a platter?
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5d3cfe No.28992
>>28987
>Hosting OC of any kind on an imageboard thread is just folly, though.
Except Andorian waifus, they're fine.
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80bd9e No.28994
>>28992
I may have been a bit hyperbolic with that statement. Obviously, good visual OC gets posted all the time. Everything I was commenting on really is only relevant to writefaggotry.
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7c0903 No.29000
>>28990
>Go to a board filled with 'nice guy' beta males indulging in a little fantasy.
>Rub reality in their faces just as they're getting hard.
>Be surprised when they don't thank you for this.
>Use a pleb tier monster girl while you're doing it.
What were you expecting?
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6508e0 No.29102
>>28961
There's a lot more to writing a script than just coming up with a central premise. Like saying that you have this idea for a cool car, so why aren't you building them, when you don't even know how the weld and couldn't tell a carburetor from a cylinder.
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e5c739 No.29123
>>28992
Imagine if she would sit on your face?
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7c0903 No.29136
>>29123
why don't you want to sit on her face anon?
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defbf6 No.29227
>>28987
>any kind of fanfic OC is almost certainly going to come with a lot of headcanon at this point and that's a minefield
Worked for STD
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770481 No.29610
>>28679
That episode hit me pretty hard as somebody who suffered a traumatic leg injury and almost had it amputated, and still hasn't gotten his life back on track since.
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cb451a No.29619
>>29610
>tfw no holographic longue singer to give you another era to retreat to so you can work out your PTSD
I kid, but seriously, I'm sorry to hear that anon. Society is quick to ignore just how badly a serious injury can fuck you up for life.
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175de2 No.29727
>>29610
Tell us more anon? So we can provide headpats
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85f831 No.29813
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0936cd No.29982
>>29813
I wish we got more of this.
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defbf6 No.30239
>>29982
Headpats or Andorians?
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916300 No.30246
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770481 No.30292
>>29727
I was riding a motorcycle home from a friend's birthday party, and I got hit by a car and thrown off the freeway. Compound fractures in my tibia and fibula, and fractures in my pelvis and spine. Hit-and-run, so they never caught the guy.
I was in the hospital for 15 days before they sent me home. Couldn't even poop for the first 5 days, and trying to roll onto a bed pan with a broken pelvis and spine was agony. Said they weren't sure if the nerves would recover enough to make it worthwhile to keep it. Came back 2 weeks later for a follow-up appointment, and when they cut the cast off, I had a festering infection all the way to the bone. That was another 25 days in the hospital, stuck in a bed with tubes and wires all over me. Had a tube pumping antibiotics straight into my heart for eight weeks. The pain shattered my sense of dignity, and I spent so long lying down that it took a week of therapy to even sit up without passing out.
It wasn't until 8 months later that my leg had recovered enough that they stopped talking about amputating it. In the meantime, I had lost my job, seen a hospital bill for more than I'll probably ever make in my life, been through several excruciating procedures, experienced severe opium withdrawls, and spent over a month staring at the ceiling, feeling helpless.
I have to say, some good came of it. I've always been emotionally distant (bit of a sperg), but seeing my family and some of my friends come together to be with me through the experience made me feel so much more connected to other human beings than I've ever been. I still tear up just thinking about how much I appreciate them being there for me. It made me a more sensitive person, able to connect with people better, and it's sort of indirectly the reason why I met the wonderful woman who is now my girlfriend. Plus handicapped parking is really convenient.
I've physically recovered about as much as can be expected, and some days I don't even need my cane. I still can't stand or walk for too long before my leg and back start hurting. The thing is, as a young man my age, I've always been expected to be able to do physical labor as part of my job, and so all my job history is based on that. I have no idea how to hunt for a job without the expectation that I'll be lifting crap all day. All the job offers and interviews I get, I wind up being unable to do the job because they at least expect me to stand somewhere all day doing stuff. I want to go back and finish my degree, but my university is shit and I have to wait until the end of this year to apply to be admitted next year. I'm working on changing my career path, but with the total shift and the lack of confidence that comes from having been torn apart and screwed back together, I've dragged my feet on it far too long. I'm too scared to deal with my problems as much as I should, but I also feel like a failure for not being able to deal with something that I know so many others have. I'm making progress, but far too slowly for my liking.
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