/pnd/ - Politics, News, Debate

>>359977

"we" WHO ?……..

>>359977

You seem to think communism is undesirable, compared to capitalism..

Your political beliefs prove that you don't really understand life

Go fight your own little one man war

>>359977

I quite literally get paid to sit here in this house, and in case one of my employers tenants has a problem at one of their properties, I am the intermediary between tenants and landlord

Why don't you tell us why you're unemployed?

I'm curious

Is not working part of your patriotic capitalistic red white and blue fag show?

If I'm not mistaken, it costs money to live.. it costs money to use the internet, to have electricity, water, food, and a roof over your head

And since you obviously aren't working, SOMEBODY'S paying your bills

I'm beginning to think perhaps you might NOT be a productive contributor to American society after all

You're beginning to seem less and less patriotic with each passing second

>>359985

I have the exact same lack of respect for America that I do for Russia or any other country

And in many ways, I actually have more respect for Russia, because they are not the Global bullies that America Prides itself on being

>>359986

>tell your handle to put peanut butter on the lip mix, maybe we can "talk"

>>359987

Tell your Handler to teach you how to spell

>>359987

Unlike you, Vladimir Putin is not a coward, and he's a straight shooter, who tells the truth

Your political perspectives must not be particularly exciting for females, hence your habit of waking up alone every morning

Isn't that ironic?

I don't give a fuck about political perspectives, and I get my dick sucked whenever I feel like it

Yet you talk about trivialities like communism, and no woman will be seen standing next to you

Maybe you should consider growing up

>>359990

>>359989

I like this version of a you, he's actually more informative regarding putin atm,

>>359994

I'm not a Democrat or a Republican or an independent or a Libertarian or any of those labels

I'm nothing more than a human being

And I just so happened to be born in america, which had its benefits and its drawbacks

But unlike most Americans, I've actually been paying very close attention to Vladimir Putin's public statements over the past three or four years in particular

Vladimir Putin tells it like it is, shooting straight from the hip, unlike American politicians

He has made it very very very very very very very clear

America violated our own treaties with him almost immediately after signing them

We continued to build missile bases around Russia's border

Putin is not in the business of bluffing

He has been making DURECT THREATS

A preemptive nuclear first strike against America

WHY ?… .

He's made it very clear

That's how you win a nuclear war

The United States Department of Defense has been well aware of Putin's statements regarding this situation

But they have omitted any mention of it in the American news media

So American citizens have remained oblivious to the precarious situation their government has gotten them into

Meanwhile, Ukraine has been murdering thousands of their own citizens for 8 years

Ukraine has been using bombs and missiles to murder innocent Ukrainian citizens in the Donbas region

8 years straight.. a relentlessly murdering their own citizens simply because they considered themselves to be Russian, from the good old days

Putin has been very straightforward regarding Ukraine for 8 years

NUMBER ONE:

What do you think America would do if Russia kept building missile bases along the Canadian and Mexican borders?

NUMBER TWO:

This is a little bit more complicated

Imagine if Florida seceded from the United States and became its own independent sovereign state Nation

Now imagine the Florida Citizens who lived closest to the Georgia border

Imagine these citizens considered themselves to be Americans, rather than Floridians

Now imagine if Florida began using Russian bombs to kill those Florida Citizens who consider Americans before Floridians

America considers itself the world's Police Department

We accuse other countries of trying to spread their evil political beliefs

The axis of evil, or so Reagan called them back in the '80s

Meanwhile, we claim we invaded Kuwait to restore democracy.. even though Kuwait was never a democracy

We pride ourselves on spreading capitalism and our fabricated wholesome democratic political garbage

We accused Russia of committing war crimes in Ukraine, when we committed some of the most horrific war crimes in the history of the human race

We illegally invaded Iraq and Afghanistan, making up bullshit lies about weapons of mass destruction

Pretending they were responsible for the 9/11 attacks, which we most likely did to ourselves, and I'm not a conspiracy douchebag

>>360016

yep?

Everybody realizes there's much more to the 9/11 attacks then what they've told us so far. That goes without saying

but I'm NOT going to pretend as if I have her secret knowledge about a conspiracy, because obviously none of us have actual knowledge

>>360017

>I'm not a conspiracy douchebag

>space yourself schizofag, you we're empled for a duration that will determine the rest of your life.

But a few things are self-evident :

The 9/11 attacks were used as a justification to dissolve the Constitution of the United States of America with the Patriot Act

>>360019

>That goes without saying

>>360021

you made it out, now what?

As we sit here today, nobody seems particularly concerned that the United States Constitution has been effectively dissolved

Habeas corpus and all other rights no longer exist, if they decide they don't want to exercise them

And we illegally invaded Iraq and Afghanistan….

Our soldiers literally murdered hundreds of thousands of completely innocent men women and children under the false pretense of weapons of mass destruction that simply never existed

………… you are opposed to Russia. WHY?

The last time I checked, America is the axis of Evil

on me?

THE GOOD NEWS :

NOBODY DESERVES RESPECT

ALL HUMMS ARE GARBAGE

What would you say if I told you in the past 5,000 years, human beings have driven 70% of all life on Earth into extinction?

Hold on a minute..

What if I told you it wasn't 5,000 years

what if I told you in the past 500 years, human beings have killed off 70% of all life on planet Earth?

it wasn't 500 years

FACT: IN OY 50 YEARS

HUMANS ELIMINATED OVER 70% OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH

oops typo

ONLY*

AGAIN : ONLY FIFTY YEARS

Let's make sure you wrap your head around this one, okay? fasten your safety belt

AGAIN : in only FIFTY YEARS

the human race has KILLED OFF

S E V E N T Y P E R C E N T

OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH

You like this side of me better?

Because right now I'm not mentioning the fact that you are literally wasting the best years of your life?

>>360039

arent we lad?!

cheers

Because at the moment I'm not ridiculing you for wasting time thinking about trolling a stupid website because of some kind of Linux coding error that you think may or may not exist?

>>360040

There is no WE

>>360042

42 then

there's only ME

there's only YOU

>>360044

chkn u b.

And I have lived my life beyond any of my wildest dreams.. I'm retired and completely satisfied with my life accomplishments.. nothing I feel I missed out on

>>360045

Closet homosexual video game sissy boy chat room culture future cocksucker U R

When I was 12 I was commissioned to illustrate my first magazine cover for $3,600

When I was 15 I started my own graphic design company

When I was 16, I was living with my beautiful girlfriend

When I was 18 I started making at least $1,600 cash tax-free every night as a strip club DJ

When I was 20 I was already fucking up to seven women simultaneously all by myself

By the time I was 22 I had already fucked over 700 women

Meanwhile, this entire time I was painting portraits of Elvis Presley for everybody from Pink Floyd to Paul McCartney to Mick Jagger to Dave Edmunds and Nick Lowe and Andy Kaufman and Jay Leno and the list goes on and on and on

I became personal friends with most of these celebrities

That's how I got hired as ZZ tops art director at Warner Brothers

how's that video game working out for you, little girl?

By the way, feel free to mention even one masculine British male

Of course you're going to say Jason Statham

because TADA !!!!!

YOURE CORRECT

You are absolutely correct. Out of Millions and millions of British men, millions and millions and millions and millions throughout history

Finally, Jason Statham was the only masculine British male in the history of the human race

That's why you limp wrist listing brogue CREAMPUFFS call each other mates

When basic science dictates men mate with females, not other men

Or you call each other lads

Because even the men have the masculinity of the average 5-year-old boy

There's absolutely no reason for all of you to go out of your way to speak and carry yourself with such decidedly effeminate mannerisms

All of your television shows end the same way :

Two extremely effeminate elderly men chasing each other around a park bench while Scott Joplin piano plays in the background, one of the Sissy men holding an umbrella in the air, while the other wears women's underwear outside of his petticoat

The closest thing Brits have to masculinity would be the Cockney Wharf workers

but even THEY would be perceived as drag queens in America

the WELSH are the only ones worthy of respect

>>360060

welshy ask why?

Go right ahead and ask

To be succinct, by the age of 12 I had already outshined anything you've accomplished so far

Wasting my life was not something I did, and right now, I'm serving a fantastic purpose

Because I'm the only one telling you what you need to hear, instead of what you want to hear

I'm still waiting for your question

It's really simple :

There's a 99% chance any of my vague generalizations actually apply to you in real life

I've been wrong many times before

Made tons of mistakes in my life

And I'm certain I will make more mistakes before I die

If you picked any American citizen, and I made the generalized assumption that they are overweight and stupid

There's a greater than 87% chance I'm correct

And those are my type of odds

Because the average American is overweight and can barely manage one language

>>360069

would you have coffee or tea with me in public?

and if you picked out ANYchatroom cultureadult male who uses the term ANON in his everyday vocabulary

There's a greater than 95% chance he's an awkward misfit without a girlfriend

>>360070

or private ?

>>360071

ill introduce you to my wife, her name is an unirony

>>360070

I'd prefer smoking some pot, then we go pick up three hot chicks

and I'll teach you how TWO men fuck THREE women on the first date without ever even asking their names

>>360073

Bring your wife along and I'll show you how easy it is to talk somebody into letting you fuck their wife while they roll marijuana for you

And my wife will go down on your wife before I do

not that sex matters

and not that it DOESNT matter

the only things that matter are

LIFE COMPANIONSHIP

AND HELPING ANIMALS

humans are worthless, including me

if there WAS a "god" ( and there isn't )

The only way to make him smile would be by helping innocent animals

however……

I don't hate YOU

I simply have ABSOLUTELY NO SYMPATHY FOR HUMANS

NONE

also: God would be a SHE

tell your wife you met a man who has NO RESPECT FOR HUMANS

but interestingly enough…..

he said HE IS PROUD OF HER

Because obviously she has some redeeming qualities, or you wouldn't have gravitated towards her in the first place

But even more importantly…..

I'm proud that she was able to put up with a dork like you

and now, I'll answer the question you still haven't asked COMPLETELY :

>>360088

chkd

WHY THE WELSH?

because they're not British

Dave Edmunds : a personal friend of mine in real life

your food is DISGUSTING

and your women are PIGS

But I'm confident your wife is actually kind of Pretty in a certain way

WHY IM HERE :

I'm a teacher…. a professor, actually

I've actually been doing this since before Myspace.. long before Myspace in fact

>>360096

>>360097

>epiphone me up

this is a CHATROOM

>>360101

>this is a CHATROOM

lol nah..

>>360102

uhhhhh……… YA

" you can upload pictures in an image board "

>>360104

gib nudes

I've never seen a chat room that didn't have a photo upload feature

"anonymity"

I've never been required to supply my birth name to operate in a chat room

>>360104

fuck it, came. gud nuf. ty b.

"imageboard CULTURE"

I believe you're talking about chat room culture

THAT SETTLES IT !!!

This is a chat room

And no matter how you slice it or try to spray paint it with an imaginary facade of shimmering modernity :

EVERYTHING IS A CHATROOM

Twitter and Facebook and all of it

It's people communicating by creating posts online…

Where we can respond back and forth, upload photographs and call ourselves whatever we want to be called

>>360112

i prefer to spray.

It's like wearing an Abraham Lincoln top hat…

But since you think Abraham Lincoln is out of style, you refer to your top hat as a "BLIMMNIPPLOUBLAUB"

I don't give a fuck what you call it

It's a goddamn top hat, just like the one Abraham Lincoln used to wear

>>360114

..and pray

>>360113

trust me…….

That's painfully obvious

>>360115

lol I wouldn't be surprised if you actually thought you could send telepathic messages to a psychic boogeyman hiding in the clouds

Most uneducated people share that same belief, all the way back to the Sticks and Stones morons in caveman days

>>360116

now tell me how u like it

I prefer dealing with reality instead of trying to trick myself into thinking I'm breaking new ground

>>360118

I like it FAST AND HARD

Where I pretend like I'm going to light your cigarette, and you don't even have a chance to Flinch before I've broken your nose in front of your wife

I like it EXCESSIVE and UNEXPECTED

Where by the time you realize the LSD is kicking in, it's too late to do anything about the 3000 micrograms I put into your beer

>>360119

well ,every day is in fact anew, and only a new day brings about new everything so… what?

here we both are rabid typing for naught other than one another

I like it FUNNY AS FUCK……

Isn't it strange how humans have always thought someone else's Misfortune is funny?

The old cartoons featured characters who would hit each other over the heads with mallets and explode the other person with dynamite

And their Misfortune is perceived as humor

have you ever noticed that even if it's your very best friend, somehow you get a secret sense of satisfaction watching them have their ass beat?

And your wife would tell you it was the LSD that made her laugh when I broke your nose, and you would realize that she's lying, but you would accept it because you would be so desperate not to lose her at that point

>>360122

Tell me which day contained something that has never happened before

Forgive me if i don't hold my breath

Even if it's your best friend, your very best friend for years and years comma who you would defend no matter what

You would still get a secret sense of sadistic satisfaction while I punched him in the face the first three times

And even if she loves you more than life itself ( which she doesn't ) she would still get a secret sense of satisfaction watching you be knocked unconscious

Because you can't truly love someone until you also hate them

Until you hate somebody's guts, you have never truly loved them completely

And that's what separates the human animal from the rest of the animal kingdom

We are evil

And when I use the term "evil", of course I'm talking about the imaginary concept drilled in our heads from childhood, based on a false religious concept, and imaginary deity

>>360125

>Tell me which day contained something that has never happened before

you now.

>Because you can't truly love someone until you also hate them

semiotic cowboy cool your guns just long enough to take in your wild west..

It doesn't escape me that the word GOOD is only one letter away from the word GOD

And the word EVIL is similarly distanced from the word DEVIL

>>360132

You can think you love someone all you'd like..

But until you hate that person's guts, and you still love them enough to stand by them after hating them….

Your love was nothing more than a fleeting need for accompaniment, lust, or a temporary interest

>>360048

genuine question: how were you making ≈1600 dollars every night? like who was paying you and why were you getting paid that much?

>>360134

he leave you? for what??

>>360132

RE: me now

Correction.. this conversation has happened hundreds and hundreds of times since I first got hooked up to the original darknet by a friend of mine who worked for a defense contractor in a secret facility in Huntsville Alabama

>>360137

you forgot to say it wasnt so..

..and peter piper Pinocchio

>>359977

chkn digits, bumperino.

I was born with a few pertinent gifts, a particularly wide penis being one of them, but another one of them was My "Gift of Gab"….

So I was a natural when they offered me a job as strip club DJ at tattletale on Piedmont Road in Atlanta Georgia

>>360140

That's so uniformly unique of you to use the same worn out tired hackneyed washed up trendy chat room culture terminologies

>>360142

thx :) ;)

back then, before Atlanta was gentrified, the strip club business was off the fucking chain

I would regularly make anywhere from $3,000 to $4,000 a night

more, sometimes

tax free…. cash

But they gave me a $1,600 guarantee

If I made anything less than $1,600 on a given night, the bar would pay the difference, guaranteeing I would never walk out the door with less than $1,600 cash in my pocket

And, of course there would be slow nights, here and there, and during certain times of the year, when the business was not quite as bustling as it would be normal given night

Let's say for example I only made $1,100

( and I would be bitching profusely about it, threatening to quit )

The manager would give me $500 cash

If I only made $1,300, they would give me $300 cash

>>360147

were you so good at your job that they needed to keep you working for that much money? or were they making some kind of abysmal amount of money illegally?

>>360149

oops

used abysmal wrong

It was my guaranteed minimum

But it's important to understand that this was the rarity, not the norm

So the house rarely had to pay out of pocket

my job description was simple:

play music

drink for free

all the drugs free

Get my dick sucked in the DJ booth

Fuck every woman in the entire building, one by one

Whether it was a dancer or a waitress or a bartender or an audition or even the occasional female customer that walked in off the street

Q: who are these strippers fucking anyway?

A: trust me…… the DJ

They sure as hell aren't fucking the customers, that's one thing you can count on

>>360149

Most people don't understand the reason for a strip club DJ..

It's more than just playing music

It's really about psychology

It's like the Carnival Barker

The DJ's job is to manipulate customers into spending much more money than they intended on spending when they walked into intended on spending when they walked into the club

And it has to be done subtly to be effective

The way you encourage the average man into spending all of his money is by TALKING TO HIM THE SAME WAY YOUD TALK TO A MILLIONAIRE

The same way you would talk to a wealthy doctor or attorney

And I was really really fucking good at my job. That's one thing you can count on. I know how to communicate

On a realistic man-to-man level

Notice you'll never see me using Trend following catch phrases and cheesy worn out terminologies like ANON or CHAD or ROASTIE

I keep it real.. this is real talk

I've lived in luxury high rises and eaten 5 star dinner with multi-millionaires

I've also been to prison and slept on a metal slab bunk and eaten swill

And I can fit in perfectly in either case

so…….

My job was to guilt men into blowing their entire paycheck, after they told themselves they would only spend $150

And I would do it bye treating them like I thought they were Rich lawyers and doctors

And the last thing they want was for everyone to realize they were just a working stiff

So they would put a $20 bill in the Garter instead of a $1 bill

I made 10% of the strippers tips, Plus I got paid for my shift

The adult entertainment industry is different in Atlanta now, due to politics

But back then, I could have up to 100 strippers working a shift, and each of them making shit loads of money

But there's lots of ways you can make large amounts of money without having to wear a tie or a uniform

And most of them involve creativity

( I'm actually surprised you're not more interested in how I ended up having sex with seven beautiful women at the same time, all by myself )

and yes…..SEVEN

Just me and seven really good looking women all at the same time

And by the time I was finished, an entire weekend had transpired

Any1 have a recipe for meth

QUESTION : how did you end up fucking seven women simultaneously all by yourself?

ANSWER : they were the ones who made the decision, not me

>>360159

YES…..

Makes one part lack of self-esteem with two parts of stupidity

oops

MIX*

Sorry. Speech to text typo

however, all 8 of us WERE indeed high as fuck

>>360159

mix 1 part TOOTHLESS SMILE

with 2 parts ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANT BACTERIAL FACIAL SORES

I had a girlfriend who was Japanese and blonde hair blue-eyed

If that sounds confusing, that's because you don't realize it was actually hot as fuck girlfriends that lived with me and they called themselves MY GIRLFRIEND

TWO*

Of course I was fucking the two hottest girls in the entire nightclub, one was a tiny little Japanese chick, and the other one was equally as petite, but had brilliant blue eyes and naturally blonde hair, not bleached

And the three of us slept together and fucked all the time because they were both my singular GIRLFRIEND

They would make jokes about both of them being my one girlfriend

And I still don't remember the holiday, because it's kind of foggy if you know what I'm talking about

But the club was going to be closed for a holiday, for an entire weekend

We made a SHITLOAD of money that night…..

a ton of money

Everybody was in a great mood

So my girlfriend's asked two other strippers if they wanted to come home and fuck and get high

And by the time we called a taxi, three other strippers decided to join us

So we called a second Taxi

Most men have a secret fantasy of having sex with two women simultaneously

They keep it a secret, because if they are lucky enough to have even ONE girlfriend, they're usually afraid to admit their fantasy because they realize their girlfriend will see it for what it truly is :

The desire to cheat without getting in trouble

But take it from me :

TRUST ME…….

After fucking seven women simultaneously, I'm kind of an expert in this topic :

ALL YOU REALLY WANT IS :

ONEwoman who actually loves you

In fact, if you've ever eaten the same sandwich several times in a row, you'll quickly realize how fast the Things become boring and mundane

fickle…….. human nature

But you might tell yourself, "I'D NEVER get tired of eating lobster"

oh, how wrong you'd be

Because you'd be amazed how empty you would feel after fucking seven women at the same time

Because after the other five girls left

And you looked at your two girlfriends

Even though they were both hot as fuck

You'd realize they didn't actually love you

And the entire thing was nothing more than opportunistic drug users who got caught up in a fast money lifestyle

And you didn't love them either

And yes I said my girlfriend was 16 and German

But she was actually 14 and she was from Liechtenstein

And after a while, even the money didn't matter anymore

how old were you

I was spending my money faster than I was making it, just like all the strippers didn't

>>360182

She was 14 how old were you

didn't spend it wisely

didn't save it

If I made $4,000, I would wake up with $20, enough for a taxi to work to do it all over again

And if I made $1,600, I would wake up with only $20, enough for a taxi cab to work

>>360186

Mind your own business, pervert

And after all those years, the amazing exciting Rocket Ride in the DJ booth had become a miserable death sentence in a coffin with two turntables

And one day I put an extended play remix on the turntable, and as I often did before, I told them everyone I was running across the street for cigarettes and I would be right back

And I got in my 1965 Mustang ( a gift given to me by the strip club manager ) and I went home and never came back

And I never fucked a stripper again, because within a couple days I had a beautiful girlfriend named Jill who was an artist, which is what I do

I'm an illustrator

Jill and I work together for 8 years

She was my best friend who just so happened to possess a vagina

AND HERE COMES THE ACTUAL LESSON TODAY:

Pay attention to this part, because I've told this story many many times, but this might be the only time you get to hear it

100% TRUE………. ……………………….

This might be one of the most important things you've ever learned

If you only knew HOW MANY TIMES strippers would come up into my DJ booth and ask me the same God damn question :

"what would you think if I got a boob job?"

( or, the other version of the same question I would hear equally as often: )

"What would you think if I got a big tattoo right here?"

and I would give them the exact same answer every time :

"that would be the SECOND stupidest decision of your entire life…. the first one being to become a stripper in the first place"

and then I'd ASKTHEMA QUESTION :

"what's the most attractive thing on a woman?"

And of course, they would always answer something like, "big boobs?"

or "a nice ass?"

nope

"The most Attractve part of a woman is SELF CONFIDENCE"

PAY ATTENTION, YOUNG MEN

This doesn't only apply to females

" it doesn't matter if you're butt tooth and cross-eyed and short and fat with small tits and a disgusting wide ass"

"SELF CONFIDENCE IS MAGNETIC"

>>360202

how 2 project self confidence

The entire human race is plagued by self-doubt and uncertainty

Even beautiful people don't like what they see in the mirror, and feel that they are simply not good enough somehow

……..SO…………

When someone walks in the room and they have a sense ofreal self-confidence…..

We all gravitate towards it

They possess the one thing we've seen incapable of owning

NOT false pretense

Not an obnoxious sense of self entitlement

BUTREAL SELF CONFIDENCE

Where they are happy with themselves, even with the buck teeth and the cross eyes and the big nose and the small tits and the big disgusting wide flat ass

THEY ARE HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES

THAT is the most attractive feature on any human being, man woman or anything in between

Self-doubt is one of the most unappealing features on any human being

( and invariably That stripper would end up sucking my dick within a couple hours, if not right there on the spot )

You wouldn't believe how many strippers I talked out of tattoos and horrible boob jobs

And on their next set, they got up on the satellite stage with their little tiny titties and their imperfect face, HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES

And the customers would notice the difference

The customers were more interested in a COOL chick than a woman with fake tits and fake external facades

so………….

You can I have this same principle in business, not just in picking up women

Your generation was Hoodwinked into thinking being a awkward self-loathing self-doubting Misfit was going to Allure a beautiful virgin

Lol how's that working out so far?

If you want to get a beautiful woman, except the fact that you are a total fuck up, but embrace yourself, own it

Except your imperfections and don't pretend to be Mr Perfect, because you're definitely the farthest thing from perfect

but DO NOT feel bad about being an imperfect fuck up

feel FREE

celebrate your mistakes

Because if you can laugh at your mistakes, people are going to want your energy

If you are truly happy with yourself, you'll have to fight the women off

If you are truly confident in your abilities and happy with your inabilities

Business opportunities will appear when you aren't even trying

basically, your generation has been lied to

Everything you thought you knew was wrong

NEVER become a parody of yourself

NEVER become part of a trend

be WEIRD AS FUCK

And completely happy about it, whether they like you or not

HOPE you'll fail

Instead of being afraid of failure

HOPE YOU WILL FAIL

because thats true self-confidence

it's much easier than you might think. And it all begins with looking in the mirror and smiling because you are a fuck up

Celebrate your imperfection

If you approach women with this attitude, you'll be amazed how fast they will respond

But if you try to fake it, they can spot it from a mile away

NOBODY is attracted to A pompous self entitled bitch who can't back it up

Noticed that pompous self entitled people never admit their imperfections and what a failure they truly are

The secret is becoming happy with the fact that you suck

THE END

And you're never going to find magic opportunities while sitting in front of your computer trying to be accepted by other men who still haven't figured it out yet either

You're never going to find a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend while you're playing a fucking video game

I'm afraid you're going to have to go out there in the real world and learn how to fail face to face

Because you'll never learn how to succeed until you first learn how to fail successfully

HOPE you fail

Don't be afraid of it.

Learn how it feels to fail and still be happy with yourself

Successful Failure is the key to successful success

And now it's time for me to make dinner for my genius wife

Adios

Water is boiling for the pasta and I would like to share something most men would never say in public

MY TINY LITTLE PENIS

YES…… when I was single and hitting the nightclubs, I used to approach the most beautiful girl in the entire Club, and I would introduce myself..

And with a straight face, I would tell them, " perhaps you've heard of me before… I won the SMALLEST PENIS IN ATLANTA CONTEST for 6 years"

100 % true……..

I would tell women I won the "SMALLEST PENIS IN ATLANTA CONTEST" for 6 years straight, until I was finally beaten by a squirrel

You'd be amazed how much pussy I got with that bullshit line

Because obviously there's something different about the guy who uses SMALLEST PENIS IN TOWN as his opening line

And since we're talking about my penis already, the very first words they ever say to me are going to be about my penis

And my penis is average. Not the smallest and not the biggest

But there's something about smiling while you tell a woman you've got the smallest penis she'll ever see

That increases the chance she's going to see your penis a lot faster than any other man in the nightclub

Just a weird self-confident Icebreaker

A conversation starter

And women enjoy a guy who can make them laugh

A lot more than they care about the size of your fucking dick

So if you can find a place inside of yourself where you are able to smile and tell a woman the smallest dick she's ever seen in her life…

There's a better than 50% chance she's going to find out whether it's true or not

Sooner rather than later

Because you'll be the one she's thinking about, no matter how many jackasses approach her and try to pretend to be a big shot

be WEIRD

and be happy about it

Okay time to put the pasta in