No.13148 [View All]
>Trying to do nofap since 2016
>Actually succeed for eight and a half months in 2017 so I know I can do it
>Relapse this January and just can't seem to get back on the wagon no matter what I try
>Try not to think about sex, it doesn't work
>Try meditation, it helps my mood but I still keep fapping
>Keep a checklist and use simple rewards like chocolate, doesn't work
>Try exercise and stretching, again it helps but I can't stop whacking it
>Actually get rid of my laptop so I can only use shared computer. Doesn't help, now I just fap when nobody's there
>Practically every change I make works for a few days, then I fuck up again and it no longer helps
All I really have to show for it is that most of my fetishes have faded or weakened considerably.
I don't like looking at porn, I don't like what it does to me. The fact that I managed to quit last year for an extended period gives me hope, but my inability to replicate it makes me despair.
WAT DO?
____________________________
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No.14005
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No.14009
>>14005
Tell us about it anon.
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No.14012
>>13990
>>14005
This was hard to read anon, you were so close!
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No.14022
DAY 1
Well, shit. The night before last as I was going to sleep I was tormented by constant sexual thoughts that would not go away no matter how hard I tried to banish them. I held out for about three and a half hour before finally giving in and having what might have been the least pleasurable JO session of my life. I think I relapsed due to video games, albeit indirectly. The stuff I was playing didn't have any sexual content, but I was neglecting my real life in favor of the games and that sort of got me back to old ways of thinking in other respects. So I can say goodbye to vidya for a good long while.
I know I'm supposed to feel disappointed with myself right now, but ever since yesterday morning I've been emotionally numb. Nothing to do but get back on the wagon, really.
>>14012
Check back in a few months
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No.14029
>>14022
Shit lad, i know that feel.
Try a cold shower next time, a good dose of pain usually helps.
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No.14030
>>14022
I only mention it because I've had a similar experience. I'd made it past the three months once, made it to the point where I'd stopped counting. Then all of a sudden one day in a moment of weakness, suffering in silence, I just let it go. Then the rationale kicks in, it's not so bad, then you're stuck doing it again. Kept down. Now I'm in the same boat, +25 days or so.
Keep your head out of those internet lie neon thighs, anon.
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No.14036
>>14030
DAY 2
No real changes thus far. I had some urges last night before going to sleep, but they were banished without much difficultly and I had an easy, uneventful rest aside from a strange and somewhat unpleasant dream which I remember. It involved some strange mystery plot about one of my siblings planning to murder me. It didn't make much sense and isn't based on any real life problems as far as I can tell.
When I broke my big streak in 2017 it was the result of months of stupid behavior and falling back into self destructive patterns. this time, though, it was sort of an anomaly as I'd done literally nothing that came close to it for the last 83 days. I hope this means it'll be easier for me to avoid relapsing again this time.
>>14029
>>14030
Don't hesitate to talk about it at all, It helps knowing that other people are going through the same things as me.
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No.14043
DAY 3
My brain is returning to normal, kind of. No urges or anything, and my mood seems a bit livelier. Even knowing how much better my life was without porn I'm still surprised by the degree to which a single relapse can send me into shock.
Also I'd like to thank Deadman and other nofappers - your examples of fucking up long streaks and continuing like nothing happened are very inspiring to me!
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No.14053
>>14043
Good job anon, don't let your past failures dictate your future.
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No.14055
DAY 5
Related to >>14053 , one thing I've been trying to do for the past few days is forgive myself for ever looking at porn. I tend to dwell on my past mistakes a lot, and while my shame over porn addiction has spurred me to action before, I don't think it's a healthful emotion to have nowadays. The guilt and self-loathing just keeps me focused on porn when I shouldn't be thinking about that garbage in any capacity.
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No.14071
DAY 7
Not much to report. I think I'm finally over the emotional hangover from last week's relapse today but the urges are a little bit stronger, sadly.
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No.14086
DAY 10
Last night I experienced a lesser version of the same phenomena that got me to relapse - just a deluge of sexual thoughts as I was trying to fall asleep. I'd previously resolved to get up and meditate if this happened, but I was just too tired and went to sleep without incident. Next time(if this happens again) I will do it though
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No.14127
DAY 14
A few nights ago I came really close to relapsing but I barely, just barely controlled myself. The problem was my deviating(unavoidably) from meditation, journal keeping, study, and other good habits I've cultivated. Need to make sure it doesn't happen in the future
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No.14149
>>13152
I remember seeing a ebook about something like this, do you have anymore info on how to maintain a healthier gut brain relationship?
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No.14170
>>14149
Lurk the /sig/ threads on /pol/. This copypasta is the only pdf I can find. ‘Brainmaker’ by Dr David Perlmutter is good, the Weston A Price foundation website has good articles. Go back on keto and use kimchi or sauerkraut as your 50g of carbs, or drink kiefer and kombucha to add good probiotics back in. The key is starving the bad bacteria/yeast, abstain from bread, grains and sugar(besides fruit) at all costs. Check with someone knowledgeable at your local health food store for advice on particular cleansing products. Lastly breath deep into your belly pushing your diaphragm down, this massages your organs and puts more of your consciousness in your gut.
>This Is Your Brain On Parasites
>"the parasite is going to alter dopamine, GABA, glutamate, and other key neurotransmitters at two hundred different places in the brain," said Evans, "so it's not surprising it's going to be subtly influencing human behavior" -or, if the cysts happen to cluster in certain regions, even contributing to psychiatric disease. "I do take seriously these reports of an increase in suicide and schizophrenia related to the parasite."
<http://am-medicine.com/2016/07/brain-parasites-pdf.html
>If it were me or someone close I’d recommend a high fiber diet to sweep any clogs and old shit out. Followed by the keto diet since fasting in winter is hard af. And supplemented with activated charcoal and diatomaceous earth to kill any parasites(worms or bacteria) then high doses of fermented foods to replace the friendly casualties. It’s important not to try healing the liver, kidneys, lymph or anything else until the gut is sorted, because a ‘clog’ would just accumulate and exacerbate the problem.
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No.14185
>>14170
I'll check Brain Maker out, thanks for the recommendation. I eat better than most people but probably don't consume enough fermented foods.
DAY 20
It's been too long since I posted a real update, but not much has happened to me so far. I've only gotten a couple of serious urges since that last close call, though my mind dwells on sexual stuff and I have to put a lot of work into suppressing it. Getting kinda tedious tbh
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No.14220
DAY 23
I got the epub for brain maker and imma read it in the next day or two. Otherwise, no real changes since last time. I'm feeling more of that pleasant tingling in my brain, which suggests I'm starting to fully recover from my previous relapse.
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No.14253
DAY 3
Yeah, yeah, I fucked up. Similar to how I relapsed last time but slightly worse. I could offer up a soliloquy full of self loathing and regret, but to be honest I feel great. Ever since this last relapse I've managed to successfully banish porn form my thoughts almost entirely, my attention span is stronger, and I waste far less of my time on the internet. I feel more energetic, too.
Obviously this isn't because I looked at porn, and I don't intend to ever do so again - I'm still totally committed to nofap. But I think it crystallized a few things for me, you know? Made me aware of habits I needed to changed, motivated me to alter them.
I finished Brain Maker yesterday. TBH there wasn't much there which I hadn't already picked up from various diet books and papers, but it was a quick read and it helped motivate me to start fermenting my food. Today or tomorrow I'm ordering a pressure cooker that can handle yogurt, Imma bottle some garlic with brine, etc. So it was worth it for me.
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No.14260
DAY 4
The urges are a bit stronger today, but so far they've been nothing I can't handle. The next few weeks will be a sensitive period because I'm worried any mistakes might take me off the wagon again.
I'm still far more focused and productive than before, albeit a bit tired today. I've read that many people trying nofap will fail for months on end, only to reach a point of deep despair and frustration, where the negative effects of PMO can no longer be assuaged by more PMO. This spurs them to action and they can make real changes in the meantime. That's actually the cause of my first long strong, around last April I had been watching porn for nearly half the damn day and I realized I was doing nothing with my life.
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No.14312
DAY 2
It's safe to say the past week has not gone well for me, since I relapsed three times in the last week. I'm getting quite worried that I'll go completely off the wagon and revert to my prior state, where I could scarcely go two days without PMOing. I was almost too embarrassed to write this post but it's important to be forthright and honest, you know? With myself and my anonymous audience.
I've managed to fit the types of urges I feel into three basic categories so I can figure out how to deal with them in a more effective way.
The first are momentary urges, the kind of sexual thoughts that just sort of hit at random. Usually, they're not too hard to dismiss but I've relapsed in the past due to getting too many of them. So from now on, I'm going to reflexively stretch whenever I have a sexual thought of any kind. If I'm not in the position to stretch, I instead picture something viscerally disgusting. The difference is that now I'm doing this EVERY time. No more exceptions or getting lazy.
The second type are the big urges. They seem to hit me out of nowhere and they're so overwhelming I just sort of lose my self control and start fapping in spite of myself. They're uncommon, and I don't know what causes them, but I think it's stress related. So from now on whenever I'm stressed I'll take preemptive measures to calm myself down - meditation, going on a break, walking, etc
The last kind I'll call cascades - a sustained period of desire that can last for hours and is sort of a general urge to fap, not necessarily accompanied by any specific mental images. Strangely enough, the experience is rather pleasurable, though the pleasure vanishes when I do look up porn. These are new to me, but I think the key is reading, especially books about art.
Okay, good to get that off my chest. I fully expect to start 2019 off on a five day streak!
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No.15567
DAY 22
I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS
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No.15580
DAY 24
I guess I should share what helped get me back on the wagon… well, in early february or so I decided that even if I relapsed, I wouldn't orgasm. I wasn't permitting myself to look at porn, just refraining from one of the worst aspects if I did. I was still trying to quit, and it helped, somewhat.
36 days of that and my current streak began. I was helped a great deal by this book I found on the main thread. The author is overbearing and acts like his method is a silver bullet, but that's honestly pretty close to the truth. He brings up a lot of stuff I've never even considered and would not have realized on my own. I can't recommended it enough.
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No.15642
DAY 25
Experienced a lot of exhaustion today… I used to think of it as a withdrawal symptom but now I realize it's more like a sign of healing- I'm tired because my brain is fixing itself, which takes a lot of energy.
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No.15644
try just watching porn but dont fap
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No.15648
>>15644
this anon knows best trust me goyim I should know, doncha know we run the porn industry for your benefit? it's only natural behavior after all!
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No.15664
I've been in a near identical sitation to you OP. the only thing that works/ed for me is accountability and reminding myself WHY i'm doing nofap.
So you need to focus hard on specific reasons why you are this doing. If you cant find a solid reason for doing it then you are likely going to continue relapsing.
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No.15706
>>15644
Yeah no
>>15664
Personally I think what's helped me is not the reasons I don't want to fap(I've always known it was bad for me), but understanding the real reasons I fap anyway. You need to understand that it's an addiction, not merely a bad habit.
DAY 28
Yesterday morning I got hit by an urge of the sort that would have instantly broken most of my previous streaks. This time, though, I was able to resist it without much difficulty. It's not really a matter of willpower, but understanding the truth behind the nature of porn addiction. (Seriously, read that book I linked, it'll change the way you think about nofap)
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No.15707
>>13148
You are halfway there. Do not give up! With time comes the will and determination.
Your heart and mind must be 100% concentrated on the task.
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No.15708
Resist and avoid all forms of temptation! It is a demon you must conquer!
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No.16228
>>15708
>>15707
Quite, quite.
DAY 30
I'm doing well. The urges have gotten less intense, but somewhat more persistent. I think of them less as something that must be fought off with willpower, and more as something to be destroyed by reflexive exposure to the truth behind porn addiction. It seems to be working.
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No.16238
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No.16463
DAY 33
I've had to deal with urges, but my new methods seem a lot more… definitive. On previous streaks it felt like I was withstanding or outlasting them, now it feels like I'm hurting them at the source. Though I'm wary of moralizing my own mental processes.
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No.16473
>>16463
The zen art work is very anti root.
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No.16481
>>16473
Thanks, there is something soothing about east asian paintings, isn't there? I think I'll keep on this riff for a few more updates.
DAY 34
I came close to relapsing today. The physical consequences were immediate and extreme, beyond anything I've ever experienced before - my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I stopped before it was too late because this scared the everloving shit out of me. On the other hand it means I'm making progress, a great deal of progress. I do not think I'll have to worry about another relapse after this.
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No.16493
Thank you OP for the inspiration. I started reading the hackbook as well.
Currently on day 11. My longest streak was 37 days last year.
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No.16495
>>16493
Great! I like to read success stories on yourbrainonporn.com for inspiration as well.
DAY 35
Yeah I'm already feeling much better. Usually on previous streaks when I came close to relapsing, it took a few days to heal, whereas now I feel almost completely back on track. Also, yesterday my fantasies were much less vivid and compelling than they used to be, even at that extreme I felt an instinctive reluctance to indulge in them further. I think I'm gonna make it, guys
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No.16508
DAY 36
This morning was rough but I think I'm okay. Quite proud of myself for resisting the most recent urge.
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No.16536
DAY 38
Last night was rough, but I ultimately came through. I've realized something important in the process - I used to be very frightened of getting cravings, and if one of them would make me relapse. It's better to simply let go of the fear. You're likely experience cravings no matter what, and they're ultimately just a part of the rebooting process. I'm just going to deal with them when they come up, and do my best not to worry about it meanwhile.
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No.16538
>>16536
this is good i''ve reached day 365 and i feel very energetic
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No.16539
>>16508
Morning is always HARDest for me
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No.16575
>>16538
That's inspiring to hear. One day I shall reach day 365.
>>16539
My worst urges usually strike at night, though I do have trouble in the morning sometimes.
DAY 40
My voice is deeper, though that's not entirely due to nofap. My skin is also noticeably clearer.
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No.16576
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No.16578
DAY 41(?)
I was cleaning my dick and I came, does this count as a relapse?
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No.16601
>>16578
told u to go no shower but u didnt listen
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No.16617
DAY 43
Fuck it, I'll keep going. I wasn't even really cleaning the sensitive part of my dick anyway, so I don't think it can even qualify as accidentally fapping.
Anyhow, I had a wet dream this morning. If my body has finally decided to stop trying to get me to 'bate and is resorting to wet dreams to blow of my excess sexual energy, that's fine. I feel a bit under the weather but I'd rather ruin a dozen pairs of boxers than edge once.
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No.16673
DAY 47
I've been having some rough times, but I've held on here.
I think it's important to remember that no matter how hard it gets for you, you don't hate yourself. If you really hated yourself, you'd be content to look at porn forever, because you'd truly believe that you didn't deserve anything better. We're all doing nofap because we love ourselves, and we need to keep that in mind no matter what sort of cravings or withdrawl pangs our hindbrain throws at us.
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No.16692
>>16601
No wonder the media loves parading that faggot as the face of white nationalism. Jews play both sides.
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No.18154
DAY 30
Yeah, I'm still here. Feeling good about this one. It's hard to say what I changed since it's been so long. I'll try and keep this thread updated at least once a week with my thoughts, though.
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No.18155
Day 39
The book I'm reading right now says to tell someone about your addiction. I dont have the money for a therapist and I dont want to tell anyone IRL, so instead I called up a mental health hotline and confessed to the operator. She was obviously uncomfortable and directed me to some other resources that could help me, but I still felt as though an enormous burden had been lifted. Still going strong otherwise.
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No.18157
Try to do nofap since 2019, most I've gone is a month. Very tough. Even if I avoid visual stimulation with indecent imagery, my balls start to ache after a week. Second week is almost painful in combination with the horniness, so I have to release in order for the aching to subside. Anyone know how to solve this problem, other than toughing it out? Going on 1 week. I've done plenty of lifestyle changes since 2019, creative pursuits, etc.
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