/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

>>367338

That is true, but regarding drug related charges it's been shown that white and blacks both have the same amount of drug use, but yet blacks are five times more likely to be charged for drug possession.

>>362841

Ghouls are actually mudslimes rather than niggers. They originate from Arabian lore.

http://mgewiki.com/w/Druella

Wew lads

>What did you do?

Got drunk, embraced my slav nature, and removed kebab.

By that, I mean I relocated the local mosque next to a pork farm using nothing but an old pick up truck and a metric fucktonne of ratchet straps.

>What did she do?

Tax evasion. Even demon Queens of corruption have to pay taxes.

>How is your cell specifically designed to hold your cell mate?

Warded out the ass to prevent magic. Probably has my section separated to prevent her from getting the power to break the warding.

>What’s the plan?

Wait out my sentence. No way in hell could I get out of something menat to hold the MGE anti-christ. Maybe get to know her?

>be me

>thrill seeker

>got arrested for getting nude and running through a hellhound neighborhood

>may or may not have thrown some slurs

>get thrown into coedprison

>my…roommate is a werewolf

>no space for me to run away

>guess I'll just get raped

>>357570

I got a HellHound… Sweet Christ…

>>371763

Yes.

>>371753

It's called a potion of shadows.

Go look it up on mgewiki.com

cont.>>371763 >>371797

This thread really clung to the back of my head. I like this scenario so I'm just gonna greentext some more

>day 3

>Still getting adjusted to life in the clink

>Not used to actually speaking English verbally instead of typing it, kinda wish they had this program in the home country but Danuki jewery strikes again

>Me and Maria standing ready to go outside

>As I walk up I'm informed by Maria most of the mamono who can just up and fly away get stored underground as a safety measure

>As she's talking to me I get to meet our "neighbours"

>Our cell's pretty secluded because apparently Griffons are the fucking strong and need extra safety measures so neighbour is kind of a stretch

>Ten seconds into our conversation I'm glad we're secluded

>It's an Australian Magpie type of Harpy named Aster who speaks in the thickest damn accent and slurs I ever heard

>Got slammered for going on a vandalism spree that actually caused a bobby to have an anger induced heart attack while she was shitposting IRL

>Her unfortunate roommate is this young man who was the heir of a succesful data securty company, Kid's name is Roland

>Of course it was competing with Danukis

>I swear at least half the population got in here because of a Danuki

>Day 7

>After a week of good behaviour I'm permitted to enter the prison library

>Realizing I didn't even know Griffons existed I decide to read up on my roomie

>What a (((coincidence))), the library is stocked on various information on all known mamono species. Cursing under my breath I grab the "Griffons 101" book and dig in

>Lose track of time, it's a pretty interesting read.

>Didn't even notice Maria, Aster, and Roland sitting next to me until a solid 40 minutes in.

>Swear I see a book about my hometown in Maria's stack but I dismiss it.

>Have a genuinely nice conversation, Roland and Aster's exit is due in 4 or so years from what I could understand out of Aster's mouth.

>Roland basically lives as a translator.

>I'm allowed to keep some books in my cell because they're progressive enough.

>Day 9

>Discover the gym

>Cause I'm not working I'm beginning to become fatter and I don't want that shit

>Notice Maria

>We decide to do some boxing

>This was a mistake

>Maria hits like a train driven by a hellhound.

>Confidence plummeting

>Tell Maria I know when I met my match and that I'd like to get some excercise in if that's cool

>Spend the rest of my time in the gym running on the treadmill

>Reminds me of work whenever a tard escaped

>Day 12

>Me and Maria both don't have chores or plans so we tell each other work stories

>She tells me of the various countries she's visited in her bodyguard career and all the sights she saw

>Shows me later that evening in a picture book she was allowed to keep

>Because she took pictures of them she's claiming all the locations as part of her hoard

>Sounded so satisfied and proud saying it I didn't have it in me to make a cheeky comment

>Day 15

>Hear from a pissed off guard he lost twenty bucks to a coworker

>I've made it a point to get to know my guards and neighbours in my block so I'm listening to them whenever I can

>He bet I'd struggle snuggled in two weeks

>Aparrently I made top ten in the guards sick version of a leaderboard for people who took longer than four days to get molested

>Guess when you're alone on an island with a bunch of criminals you get a weird sense of humor

>Day 16

>Now making consistent talks with fellow birdpeople and whatever else can fly on my block

>I had some sort of reputation as a Neo-Paladin or something because of that unfortunate drunken piledriver

>Maria also has a bit of a possessive streak and people didn't want to risk pissing off a Griffon

>Get 30 minutes of internet time

>Check my social media

>It's bombarded with messages from both Pro-Manomo and Paladin camps

>On the day of my conviction I got over five thousand messages that just link to Barbed dot com

>When I click the link out of sickened curiousity alarms go off and I get my shit punched by the High Orc guard captain

>After checking my history she apologises but firmly tells me not to click links without telling a guard.

>When I tell Maria at the end of the day she just laughs her ass off

>>371789

>Queen slime has some shadow potion in her chemical make-up

>Problems easily solve themselves with a slime

Nice, though I couldn't find the actual potion on the mgewiki. There's a lot of official material that's still not up there from laziness or lack of translations.

http://monstergirlencyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Hero

Fate's got a weird sense of humor, but I think I might make something out of this.

>Sometimes it pays off to have a witch friend, especially one that knows how to make a demonic energy bomb

>What always pays off is throwing one of those during a pride parade. Too bad others don't share my views

>My lawyer told me that what I did was comparable only to 'roofying the sacramental wine on Easter' and that asking the judge 'why I didn't see him with the rest of them' definitely didn't help me

>Don't really care, had my piece of fun and so did the fags, security and spectators once the bomb took effect

>I swear, I must have increased the percentage of married couples in the state in the first thirty seconds

>anyways, I didn't have many options. The court wasn't really happy with me, but I think there were a few sympathisers in them since I had a special option:

>a new facility created for fuck if I know what. The important thing was the sentence was much shorter than for a regular shankbox.

>Sign me the fuck up

>Turns out the prison is on some croatian island that used to be abandoned, but got renovated when the mamono came.

>When I got there, I got the standard prison slacks, but also some kind of ankle band.

>With my new summer series outfit, I was led to my cell. On my way to it, I noticed some of the other inmates walking around

>They were mostly in pairs, a mamono and a guy. Weirdly enough, they acted as if they were trying to ignore each other, also while trying to stay close to their pair.

>Is this how magnets work?

>When I finally arrived in front of my cell, one of the guards started unlocking the door while the other leaned over and said:

>’’Try not to get killed OK? The first few days are the worst, but anything different would kinda defeat the purpose of the place’’

>What do you mean?

>The other one finished unlocking the door and muttered that I’d see for myself

>Get pushed inside

>Make a mental note for myself to have a talk with the manager later

<You must be the new guy, huh?

>Turn around

>Dear God in Heaven what have I done to deserve this

>The first thing I noticed was the hair, the glorious red hair that would put a manticore’s main to shame. The pale blue eyes only added to the whole visage. The arms crossed in front of her were finely developed like the rest of her, like someone who worked out.

>Then I noticed something weird, or rather the lack of it. She was devoid of any traits of mamono I knew.

>’Yeah, just got in today. Name’s Anon, and you are…?’

<Roselia Shayavanille Tsurvena

>Fuck that

>’So Red, what are you in for?’

<Not following orders.

>’Oh, so you were in the Demon Lord’s army?’

>She looks at me like I’m retarded

<No. I served in a Theocracy before I was sent here after I failed to listen to my superiors during a raid.

>Aw shit

>’You… hunted monsters?’

<Yes. I wasn’t the best Hero, but I tried to give my best during missions. Looks like it wasn’t good enough.

>’You’re a serial killer’

>She scoffs at my remark

<Like you are any better. I heard from the guards what you did. Do you really think what you did was good in any way? That changing who a person is helps them?

>’More than killing them.’

<If you say so.

>She lifts herself from the bed and comes in front of me, eye to eye

<Have you realized yet what this place is? I’ll give you some hints

<Next to us is a Dryad who went berserk after some poor woodcutter struck down some old tree near her. She now spends her days with a guy who set fire to the park few months back. Across us is a danuki who committed text fraud with an ex cop who panicked during a raid on a heist suspect’s house and shot him.

<This place isn’t a punishment by itself. It’s the people you get paired with that makes this prison Hell.

>I can’t believe it

>This is a fucking get along shirt for convicts

cont? I'm not really satisfied with how it started, but I'm planning some things in the time to come, should you of course want me to continue

>>372597

I had the exact opposite idea with people getting paired up for being in for similar convictions

mooooore

>>372597

Write more.

>>372597

Interesting twist. Keep going.

Cont. >>371763 >>371797 >>371889 >>372097 I can't get enough of this thread, I keep thinking about it.

>Still four months in

>Evening after a day of working in the boob This is slang for jail apparently in 'Straya

>Me and Maria have assumed hug position 6b

>That's the one where I sit behind her on the bed, Her head's on my lap and one of my hands is scratching her head.

>These evenings are nice.

>Sometimes I forget I'm in jail at all

<"Anon, Tomorrow my parents are gonna come over and visit me."

>The pound here has boys and girls from all over Europe, so visiting can be a pain. I've only seen my mom twice in my time here.

>Her parents live in Italy

>Her dad's an Italian cop but her mom's from Greece, runs a flower shop apparently.

<"I wanna show you off, Anon. Last time I spoke my parents- aaahhh…"

>Head scratches doing their work

<"hnnn, they thought I was never gonna find someone to treasure.."

>Treasure is a nickname she made up for me. Feels good man.

>"Of course I'll see them with you. Can I just be myself or are some topics absolutely forbidden?"

>At this point I'm giving her belly rubs along with head scratches so all I'm hearing for a while is that content chirping noise she makes whenever she's really happy with me. How can something this big and strong be so soft at the same time?

<"Mmmnaah, just be honest like you always are."

>"Ah, I'm happy to hear that. You know how much I hate pretending to be something I'm not."

>She buries herself deeper in my lap while chirping

>Her tail goes in my shirt and pulls my torso to her head

<"Just no more than three of your goofy puns, please~."

>"Well, only 'cause you said "please", Jailbird."

>Jailbird is my nickname for her.

>She softly laughs to herself and not much later we both doze off.

I never wrote stuff like this, I hope that wasn't emberassing.

1/2 post too long

Cont. >>371763 >>371797 >>371889 >>372097 >>372734

>The next day

>In the waiting lobby for visitors

>It's very reminiscent of the lobby of the main office of the asylum I used to work at.

>A host at the reception, a few tables, magazines, a radio softly plays relaxing music.

>Glad Euro jails let you use your own clothes, I'm wearing some of my best stuff. I wanna make a good impression.

>I'm used to being one of the people watching over places like this

>A centaur guard I'm familiar with makes the universes "relaaaaax" gesture when she notices I'm getting a little nervous

>I guess it was pretty obvious I was staring at every exit.

>Maria -who was getting me a coffee- sits down next to me and hands me a copy of the warden approved newspaper.

>Obvious propoganda but it has enough actual events in there too

>Halfway in a discussion with Maria about an accident with a DUI that left two children without parents I hear a voice with enough boom I swear I see my coffee vibrate

>Mama mia

>I see a grizzled man with a thick black 'stache practically wrecking ball himself through the door.

>Slightly balding head, cigarette still in his mouth, beret, definitely has a noticable gut but is otherwise dressed really nice

>Behind him I see something I need a moment to actually process

>This has to be the legendary one of a kind womanlet Griffon

>Flat as a washboard, glasses, long wavy hair that have slight curls in them all covered by a big white hat.

>"ISSA MY LEETLE GIRL"

>The piezano is strong with this man

<"Papa! We're heeere!"

>I guess parents can turn anyone into a kid again when both parties haven't seen each other in a while

>For a man that portly he moves with grace and speed

>Three way hug time

>First thing after that he grabs a chair for Maria's mom and waits for her to sit down

>After that he fucking yoinks me out of my chair and holds me in some sort of Italian monster hug

>"AYOU MUST BE ANON, WE HEAR SO MUCH OF YOU."

>I didn't expect any father to sound this happy about his daughter getting a boyfriend

>Either I'm old fashioned or he was desperate

>"Mister De Luca, I'm glad to finally meet you after hearing so much" I say as I extend my hand

>"BUENO! YOUR-A-BOYFRIEND HAS THE GOOD MANNERS, MARIA" As my hand is shaken from three feet above my head to nearly the floor

>After he finally calms down I introduce myself to Mrs. De Luca

>Talks exactly as meek as she looks like

>Maria is ecstatic about how this is going and grabs my arm as I sit down

>Blood not flowing in there anymore but worth it

>The next two hours are like morphine

>Mr. De Luca has a ton of stories to tell

>Can't help but notice that whenever he gets bombastic he does some crazy hand gestures

>I think he's about to blow his top in anger but this is how Italians do apparently

>Also gain a whole new appreciation for people who grow flowers

>I also get to tell some asylum horror stories

>Mr. De Luca is impressed with my dedication to the job, about 40 minutes in he's screaming at Maria how glad he is with "NEW-A SON IN DE LAW"

>Has no volume control but his cheerfulness is contagious

>All good things come to an end, sadly.

>The lobby praises whatever deities they worship as Mr. and Mrs. De Luca have to go back to the Helipad

>Guards were nice enough to let me and Maria come along to wave goodbye

>Make it a point along the way to talk to Mrs. De Luca because I didn't get much chances at it in the guest room

>After we head to the canteen for lunch Maria asks me something that strikes fear in my heart

<"Anon, when do I get to meet your parents?"

>Instantly recall that time mom said "If you bring back one of those animals I'll disown you"

to be continued?

>>372734

>spoiler

I've been enjoying this story! It's pretty well done. Don't get self conscious 'till someone starts bitching at you, 'till then you could consider this practice if you aren't entirely happy with it. If this leaves a prison setting though, it might be best to move it to the griffon thread >>367091 since you're on a roll with this writing. Or alternatively putting it into pastebins and sticking it in the Writefag thread >>372001

>>372736

I wanna do a prison theme but I feel it's going to get a lot less focus. Like I feel this is becoming some sorta slice-of-life featuring jail thing. I think I'll just move it to the Griffon thread so that can have some jolts of life into it

I'm glad you're enjoying it because I've been winging the entire thing

cont from >>372597

>It’s been a few days since my arrival

>I’ve found out what the questionable fashion choice dangling on my ankle is

>Turns out it’s some kind of taser that’s linked to your pair’s, sending a jolt through you should you get too far from each other

>Pretty sure one of the lamias gets off from that

>I haven’t really got on Red’s good side when I first met her, and she’s sure as hell giving me the could shoulder

>On the bright side, the other inmates aren’t as bad as Ronald McDonald here

>The cafeteria is usually as silent as a doctor’s waiting room, but this time a kid was getting a vaccine

>’’Give it baaack!’’

>I turned around looking for the source of the Irish sounding noise

>’’I am NOT going to give you this poison! You can beg all you want!’’

>Looking behind me I finally see them

>Some guy who looks like he never even thought about smoking a cigarette is holding what looks like a bottle of sake in one hand whilst holding off a 5.5 feet tall blue oni by one of her horns

>’’It’s not poison, it’s alcohol! You know it helps me think! Now hand it over you geebag!’’

>”Alcohol clouds and corrupts the mind, only to kill you in the end! Being Irish does not help you in any way!”

>He suddenly looks up to my direction

>Aw sheit

>”You there! If you are listening to our conversation so intently, you must have something to say too!”

>why must these things happen to me

<…Alcohol won’t help you.

>All three of us look at Red

<Whatever it is you are trying to run away from will still find you at the bottom of the bottle. What you can do though, is try to talk to someone.

>The pair is just frozen in place. The oni is staring wide eyed at the hero while Mr Safe Driving has the slightest smile on his face

>The Blue mamono lowers her eyes

>”…I know.”

>Roselia scoots over and pats the now empty seat next of her

>”Come. My name is Roselia, and you are?”

>The oni comes and sits next to her with the guy following her and sitting next to me

>The girl’s name is Cathleen. Poor sap was walking home back from work when she was hit by a demonic energy wave after some retarded hellhound slapped the ass of an Ushi Oni’s husband. Turning into a Blue Oni didn’t really help her with her anxiety and her job at a university, all of that leading to getting sued for drinking during the job. She tries to look at it through a positive side saying that she probably would’ve quit the job due to stress and students

>If Bacchus ever had a rival god, Mark would be his paladin. He was arrested for going, as he calls it, ‘a crusade against the poison of mind and soul’. What he did actually did was vandalizing and in some cases ransacking liquor stores, finally getting caught after one of the shop owners locked him inside the store while he was smashing bottles

>We ended up talking until lunch ended, so we agreed chatting together when we get the chance

>Both of them looked pretty cheerful once we parted ways

>’I thought you disliked mamono?’

<I dislike monsters, not the people trapped inside them. She needed help, and so I helped her.

>’Well how did you know she was once human? They teach you to sense that at monster hunting school?’

>She stops for a moment while walking in front of me, turning her head towards me just enough to look me in the eye

<No. We learn that in kindergarten.

>Saying that, she keeps walking

>

>Did she just make a joke?

I'm a bit too tired to continue. I'll get some sleep and make more if you still want me to

>>372753

I'm curious to see where this goes so by all means.

>>372756

Let's try that again.

Same Here, keep up the good work >>372753

**cont.

>>371763

>>371797

>>371889

>>372097

>>372734

>>372735**

>Ten years ago, while watching a news rapport of a Lich who kept young boys in her dungeon to experiment on mother said something to me that now haunts me

>"If you ever bring one of those mamono animals home I'll disown you"

>At the time I laughed and agreed I should be disowned if I did

>These last six months though have been the best of my life, all thanks to one of those "animals"

>It's the smile, the way she loves me unconditionally for who I am, she looks like a monster on the outside but I know on the inside she's the first person I ever truly connected with.

>A seven months ago I'd have dismissed this as bullshit, but I swear I truly see a beautiful spark in her eyes. Like I'm actually seeing her proud soul.

>God I love her so much

>Can't believe it's been only six months because it feels like I've known her for decades.

>I've written to mother, but I never mentioned Maria. At first it was because I was ashamed of her, later because I thought bringing her up would cause unnecessary trouble, and now because I'm worried our relationship will tear apart the relationship I have with my family forever.

>The last month though, I've been thinking

>I'd rather be honest to the people I care for than let pursue a convenient lie.

>Telling Maria of mother's thoughts on mamono was hard. Especially after how kind her parents were to me. Ever since their visit they've been writing me too.

>After I tell her she hugs me

>Her embrace is the most reassuring thing in this world, I feel like all my worries just vanish when we're like this.

<"We'll try. We'll try and I know we're strong enough to make it through this. Hell, I think we can make it through anything."

>Her words were just what I needed. Mother's going to visit tomorrow and we'll show ourselves. Both of us.

>That evening we use our newly earned DVD player to watch Paulie. It ain't something for my age but it's nostalgic and Maria likes watching my favourite movies with me.

>The next day

>Visitor's lobby

>I thought last time was tough on my nerves

>But facing the my only living parent with this bombshell was truly nerve wrecking.

>Maria looked nervous too, I can't blame her. I think she almost loves me as much as I love her. She doesn't want this relationship to get awkward elements either.

>That's when the doors open

>Mother gives the centaur guard a cold "thank you'" when she opens the door and moves to the table me and Maria are sitting at

>Me and Maria hold each others hands as Mother approaches

post too long 1/2 again

I think I'll just finish off the story I got planned in this thread, since it would probably be awkward to go from this thread to another one

>>372855 cont 2/2

>She didn't even notice Maria until she sat down

>Awkward stare

>"Ma! Good to see you! I know I E-mailed a little late last night but I told you I wanted to talk to you about something, right?"

>Mother gives an unsure nod. I think the implications are beginning to set in.

>"The beautiful woman next to me is my cellmate, Maria."

>I stand up from my chair and offer Mother a hand to help her get out of hers

>Maria stands up as well, She's twiddling with her talons on her left hand. That's a sign she's really nervous.

>"I'm sure you were knew what this facility really is, so I'm going to be honest here. Me and Maria have been in a serious relationship the last five months. I don't really have the proper words to say just how much I feel for her. I love her and, and I really hope-"

>Mother looks like she's going through the five stages of grief

>Three times. In a row. In fifteen seconds.

>I'm tripping over my own words because I truly can't describe how much I love Maria and I want nothing more than Mother to accept us, and especially her for who we are.

>I think the news hit Mother hard, she had to sit down, after she looks at me she looks at Maria.

<"I-It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Ymous!"

>She extends her talon to shake Mother's hand

>Mother turns her head to me.

>"Boy.."

>A tear runs down her face

>She then shakes Maria's talon

>"I'm so, so happy you finally found someone to love, just like me and your father..!"

>I can barely contain myself and pull the both of them in

>I love hugs

>Both me and Maria feel as if enormous weights got off our backs.

>Mother quickly regains her composure and begins asking all the questions parents would ask if they got bombarded by this sort of news.

>Maria having a job and the manner she got in the lockup are points that earn her big favor with Mother.

>The one thing Mother hates more than other races was criminals getting away with suing someone they were gonna victimize.

>The two of them get along so swimmingly I feel as if I'm in a dream.

>But this is even better than that, this is reality working in my..no, our favor for once.

>After visiting hours We wave goodbye to Mother.

>While still holding hands

>I don't think we ever let each other go all that time.

>"Maria, I'll get to the canteen soon. I gotta write this quick mail to my boys about how well this went."

<"Mmm'yeah okay, but don't take long. It's horse burgers day and I wanna dig in quickly."

>As she leaves I rush to the guard's booth

>"Lemme in, Pete. It's time"

>Pete lets me in. Being pals with all the guards has it's advantages.

>He lets me use the guard's PC to quickly video chat with my boys, Guido and Lyle

>They were in the bar with me when that fateful slam happened.

>"Gentlemen! I don't have much time, did everything go to plan?"

>"What do you think, my dude? It's us you're talking to" Guido tells me

>He shows a box with a silver ring in it. The ring has two wings on it that are decorated with sapphires

>The last few weeks I've been sneakily measuring Maria's talon measurements while she was sleeping

>Got my boys to go to a jeweler to make that

>"You lads are the best. You have no idea."

>"I do, dude." Lyle *chirps* in.

>I was his best man at his own wedding three years ago

>"I guess you would, Lyle. Not so much for you huh, Gui?"

>We all laugh

>The laughter on my end is just masking my nerves though. Everything's gone so right, Our parents accept us, me and Maria have both been model prisoners, the people upstairs are actually considering to give us parole super early.

>I want this girl to stay with me for the rest of my life. All I need to do now is arrange the situation, get the ring smuggled in. That shouldn't be hard. I'm good friends with the guard captain. And then…

>I ask the big question.

To be continued

cont >>371797 >>371763 >>371889 >>372097 >>372734 >>372735 >>372855 >>372856

>5 months in

>The warden herself has my ring safely stored in her office

>Turns out she's a huge slut for romance, not to mention pleased beyond belief with my change in behavior and attitude to Mamono

>Me and Roland on kitchen duty

>We're basically prisonbros by now

>Five months ago he couldn't boil an egg but I've been teaching him how to cook for his cunt girlfriend

>He's easily surpassed me by this point, Aster loves good bites and he studied and practiced like a madman

>When Maria and Aster show up we ensure they get extra big scoops or portions of whatever we're making

>Roland kisses the food before handing the plate to Aster

>That's cute.

>Me and Maria summoned by the warden

>The outer walls have gotten really gross and the usual cleanup crew for that is on vacation

>Maria gets special permission to fly around the outer walls while she carries me so we can clean up the island some

>If we do this we'll both get two days off, I get to request any movie or book I want no matter how violent it is, and Maria is promised to get special privileges to fly until curfew

>no need to ask us twice

>Next day we get a special jacket that has me and Maria in it at the same time

>I get this weirdass hose thing

>If it's connected to the sea it'll spew high pressure water

>liftoff.avi

>Holy shit this is awesome

>"WHHOOOOOAAAALY SHIIIIT

<"I've been waiting so long to fly with you, Anon!"

>Mid. Flight. Hug.

>Maria does a quick test flight around the island

>Doesn't stop hugging me during any of this

>Hear various cheers and whistles from the people outside

>We're basically on top of the world

>The cleaning isn't even that hard and the walls aren't that dirty

>This was basically a date disguised as work

>And we got rewarded for this

>We can basically do this any day we want as long as we stay in a certain range of the island

>One evening

>Maria's holding me firmly into cuddle position 13

>That's the one where she lies on top of me, we make nonstop eye contact, and I hold her while she holds my face with this beautiful talons.

<"Anooonn, I wanna do some cops and robbers tonight~"

>this translates to "I wanna do some cheeky banter before I grind your pelvis into dust. Police themed edition"

>"With or without chase?"

<"You and I both know you won't even try to escape me for very long, so let's just cut the crap~"

>She smiles a knowing grin

>"Damn, supercop Lionbutt. You already caught me red handed~!"

>Maria sits upright and puts her hands on her hips

>200% smug

<"Hmm hmm hmm! I finally caught you, wicked Treasure hunter~"

>"Damn you, supercop Lionbutt! And your way-longer-than-mine legs!"

<"You have the right to remain silent~ An-"

>"What's wrong, supercop Lionbutt? Not a fan of my japes and GAGS?"

>pause

<"Funny you mention gags. Hehheheheh."

>She sits on my face while she tells me my "rights"

>I try really hard to feign struggle. Oh no how will I ever escape THIS predickament

<"So no matter what you say my entire body will be used against you~! You may now begin regretting your thieving ways.."

>She moves off my face.

>"Me, a thief? I have done no such thing!"

<"Yes you did, you heartless scoundrel."

>She leans in closer

<"You stole my heart"

>"Pot and kettle, supercop Lionbutt! I've only been this heartless because you stole my heart first, and only after making me realize I had one in the first place!"

>Witty banter stopped right after that and neither of us had any sleep that evening.

>Loud chirping was heard though the halls of the prison that night.

to be concluded

this one is based of a fucking dream I had this evening. You guys ruined me.

>>372963

fuck, I just realized I screwed up at the end. Should've written "she holds my good hand and my upper arm." my bad fellas

cont from>>372597 >>372753

I'll be splitting it, since it's a bit long

>In this place you see a lot of weird pairs, and Kiki and Baby Cakes are definitely in the top twenties

>Every prison has THE big guy, which everyone tries to stay away from. In ours, it’s Alex, nicknamed ‘Baby Cakes’: A giant of a man, towering over even the bigger mamono. The guy looks like he could strangle someone with his pinkie finger.

>Of course, I was shitting my pants when I found out I’d be doing the dishes with him after every meal

>Red was more concerned about his pair, an Ant Arachne. No one really knows what she did, something about identity theft or Nigerian princess scamming. She didn’t even get caught, she just waltzed in one day and turned herself in.

>Kiki isn’t her real name, just a nickname the guards gave her because she keeps giving a different name to anyone that asks her for it.

>They were always seen together, with Baby Cakes holding Kiki in his arms or her resting on his shoulder, always whispering into his ear with this grin, while he was listening intently

>So those are the guys we were going to have to do the dishes for the next month

>I had to fight every urge not to run away as they came in through the door of the kitchen, Baby Cakes lowering his head as to not hit the doorframe and Kiki scuttling from his shoulder over his back to the ground with the smuggest grin on her face

>She waves to me and comes next to Red to one of the sinks

>He, on the other hand walks straight to me with a stone cold expression on his face

>He smiles and starts lifting his hand

>This is where I die, I suppose

>He stops his arm mid way and extends it towards me

>’Hi! You must be Anon! I’m Alex, I hope we’ll get along!’

>I nervously extend my own and we shake hands, my hand getting completely enveloped by his

>To my surprise, Alex is one of the gentlest people I’ve met in my life

>He even asked me if I could do the plates since he was afraid he would break them if he rinsed them

>We started talking and exchanged our backgrounds

>Alex is an architect’s son, before he got slammered he worked as a construction worker for his father , or ‘pa’ as he calls him.

>One day, he walked in on a group of worker’s trying to steal some equipment and got attacked by them

>Not wanting to hurt them, he kept calling for help while blocking the blows and pushing them away

>One of the workers trips after getting pushed, hits his head and gets coma’d.

>The fuckers sue Alex’s dad’s company for mistreatment of employees.

>When Cakes realized how much the project, and even the whole company was in danger, he did something not many people would do

>He bit the bullet and shifted the accusations to him so he gets sent to jail for both assault and mistreatment since he was the company owner’s son

>We need more people like him

1/3

>One day while doing the dishes, he suddenly leans over and asks me quietly:

>’Anon, can I ask you something?’

>’Well you already did.’

>He looks at me confused

>’Yes Cakes, you can. Anything serious?’

>’No, it’s just something I can’t understand. Why does everyone call my pair Kiki, when her name doesn’t resemble her nickname at all?’

>’Cakes, what are you talking about? You know we call her that because she keeps telling us a different name every time we ask her for it? She even told she was called Nemo to the Monoeye from Block C.’

>’But she always asks me to call her just one name. Doesn’t she ask that from anyone else?’

>Here I am looking at the only man who might know Kiki’s real name. He who holds the answer to one of the biggest questions in this place.

>I can’t stop thinking about all the bets. There’s even a rumor the warden promised an early parole to anyone who finds out her name so they can ID her somehow

>I turn my attention to Kiki herself: The little cunt was trying to bait out some reaction from Red by returning rinsed plates to the dirty pile

>I’m not surprised someone like that would want to fuck with Baby Cakes of all people.

>I mean, would she really give him her real name? Is this some Serbian Danuki double bluff to cover her real name even more?

>Why in the seven layers of Hell would she give such a valuable information to-

>It clicks inside my head

>I look at Baby Cakes again, the most likeable person I ever met. Anyone would want such a pure and friendly soul as a friend.

>Some would even want him as something more than a friend, someone they could trust with even the things they wouldn’t tell to anyone else

>I smile at Baby Cakes:

>’Alex, did you consider asking her that herself?’

>He furrows his brows and then his face lights up:

>’You’re right! How didn’t I think of that! Thanks Anon, I’ll be sure to ask her once we finish work!’

>We finished the dishes and went to our cells

>When Baby Cakes and Kiki turned a corner, Red grabs me by the arm:

<’I’d like if you wouldn’t do that.’

>’Do what?’

<’Help THEM. They already have their ways of securing prey, there is no need for help from us humans.’

>’It’s called charm and care Red. It’s something that looks like something ‘us humans’ seem to lack in.’

>The next day, Kiki walks over to me while trying not to look me in the eyes

>’Hey, Anon?’

>’Yes?’

>She looks up, locks eyes with me and smiles

>Not her usual shit-eating-grin smile, a genuine, thankful smile

>’Thanks.’

>’No problem.’

>She shuffles in her place, which is a really weird move for someone with six legs

>’Listen Anon, I want to repay you somehow, but I don’t have anything on me that you could make use of. But, I do have an offer.’

>’OK, let’s hear it.’

>’Every week a group of us have a few wrestling matches in pairs. Nothing too dangerous, and the guards allow it since it gives the more energetic inmates something to do, have them spend up their energy.’

>’I serve as a commentator and Baby is there if things get too heated, so it wouldn’t be much of a problem getting you two in. We’ll give you some of the lightweights, so you won’t have to worry about unfair matching.’

>’There are no material rewards, but any victory gives the winners lots of lo- I mean respect from all of the spectators, some of which are also guards.’

>’So what do you say? Would you and blue eyes red hunter over there like to give it a whirl?’

>I look over to Red, watching her pick up two impressive stacks of plates in each hand, lifting them up with ease and carrying them over to the cupboards with perfect balance.

>’I think we’ll give it a try.’

2/3

<’NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!’

>’Aw c’mon! Why not?’

<’I am not going to fight in a cage for the entertainment of others! I am not a dog that does tricks just to amuse a brain dead crowd!’

>’And nothing will change your mind?’

<’I’d rather fight a dragon bare handed than do that!’

>’You would be doing that nonetheless, you aren’t making any sense!’

<’ENOUGH! A no is a no, and we are done talking about this!’

>Well, time to pull my trump card

>’And you call yourself a Hero… What a joke.’

>She tenses up and squints her eyes

<’…what did you just say?’

>’I called you joke, Miss I-Used-To-Be-An-Actual-Fighter-But-Now-I’m-Just-A-Brooding-Lazy-Dish –Cleaning-Milkso – HURKH!’

>She grabs me by the throat, lifts me from the ground and pins me to the wall

<’I should kill you right here and now! You have ridiculed not only myself me, but also the entire history of the Theocracy and… and…’

>’Hhhhsseee? I – hkh! – knew you had it in you! And – kaf– also – ‘

>I catch her by surprise and twist her arm, making her let me go and giving me the chance to charge and pin her on the bed

>’It’s not like I’m completely useless myself!’

>She stares angrily into my eyes for a few seconds and then she scoffs and throws me off

>I land on the ground, and I watch her get off the bed, not lifting myself up.

<’What did you train?’

>’Nothing special. Few years some martial arts, few years some Russian military techniques, but it was mostly when I was a kid. Stopped training after some time, but it stayed in my muscle memory it seems.’

>She looks at me before giving me her hand and helping me get up on my feet.

<’I’m doing this only so I can remind those monsters who is inside here with them.’

>I grin

>’If you say so… partner’

>She punches me in the gut

>This is going to be fun

3/3

continued from >>372985

>I must say I am pretty hyped

>Red won’t admit it, but I can see the spark in her eyes.

>Even while walking down the corridor we can hear the cheering through the other side of the door

>As we open the doors we are drowned in yells, cheers and jeers

>The mass suddenly separates like the Red sea, letting a body fly through it and slam onto the wall behind usmin

>I turn to see a blonde dragon groaning and trying to lift herself from the ground, only to slump down onto it again

>The manlet remaining in the ring is pumping his fist into the air so hard it’s almost lifting the up, but the crowd is eating it up

>’And just like that, Geyser is flung out of the arena! Ladies and gentleman, Jumpin’ may not have the height to show it, but he is an indeed formidable foe for his much larger opponents!

>I look up at the ceiling to see a modified platform out of webbing with Kiki hanging down from it with a megaphone

>She notices me and waves, bringing the megaphone back to her mouth

>’ Folks, we’ll have a short break now for refreshments, stay tuned for we have something special for you next!

>She lowers herself onto the ground, scuttling over to me with Baby Cakes joining her at the ground

>‘Anon, Hi! I’m glad you could make it! We warmed them up for you, so you won’t have to worry about a cold welcome.’

>Baby Cakes chimes in:

>’We’re ready when you are, friends. Just say when and we’ll start the match.’

>’I’m ready. How about you, Red?’

>Red glares at the makeshift arena and the spectator around it. Her body isn’t stiff but relaxed, her eyes glistening in the light.

>She slowly stretches herself, like a feline that was finally let out of her pen after weeks of being kept inside, slowly exhaling in the end

<’Let’s do it.’

>Kiki giggles and claps her hands together

>’Alright! This is going to be fun!’

>She plants a quick kiss on Baby Cakes’ cheek and suddenly shoots up with a thread of webbing into the air, landing on her platform and bringing the megaphone back to her mouth, almost visibly shaking with excitement

>’Monsters and gentlemen, thank you for waiting! Since I’m seeing some new faces this evening, I think it wouldn’t cost us much time if we go over the rules:

>’Any style of fighting is allowed. We just call it wrestling for reference. That being said, anything goes as long as it doesn’t leave marks, physical AND psychological. We don’t want to repeat the Shoggoth incident from last year, do we?’

>The audience laughs at the comment

>’The match can end only in the defeat of both members of the pairs, but that can be achieved in multiple ways: A member is considered defeated if he forfeits the fight, gets thrown out of the battleground or receives a knockout. There is no need to go for overkill. This especially goes for you ladies! Swapping is also allowed, but only if the member reaches and touches their pair’s hand.’

<’That being said, LET’S WATCH PEOPLE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER!’

>The crowd explodes in cheers, yells and whistles

>I lean over to Rose and whisper into her ear:

>’I’ll be going first, you stay seated.’

>She opens her mouth to object but I raise my hand before she manages to say anything:

>’I’m not doing this to spite you. Think strategically: I going first will leave them in the unknown who they will be fighting next. If they decide to send in their man, I’ll manage somehow. If the mamono decides to show up, I’ll dodge the attacks until I get a chance to swap with you. ‘

>’Do you trust me, Red?’

>She looks at me, trying to find some counter argument, but she suddenly shakes her head, like she was trying to clear her thoughts

>She nods her head

>’Thanks. Wish me luck.’

>>375292

>I lift myself from my seat and enter the ring, pushing the ropes aside as I do

>I watch the crowd around me, seeing some familiar faces like Cathleen and Mark looking back

>My enemy enters the ring from the other side, and I finally get a chance to see him

>The guy looked like he had entire gym rented for himself before he came here

>The thing that caught my eye the most was the burn stretching across a half of his face, like something leaf shaped was pressed against his face

>We stand looking at each other, trying to find a weakness or some kind of advantage

>’We do not need to fight, you know that?’

>He crosses his arms and continues talking whilst slightly grinning

>’All you have to do is forfeit the match. Do that and you won’t be hurt by someone who can overpower you by sheer strength and muscle.’

>’Someone like you should just stay in the back cheering for the stronger, not fighting them just to try to prove something to yourself.’

>’Exit the ring, give me a worthy opponent and stop wasting my time.’

>The spectators listen closely to his taunt, turning their attention to me as he finishes

>’You see, I can’t really do that.’

>His grin fades away

>’Going away would do many things: I’d disappoint the people who came to see the show, I’d break a promise I had made to a new friend and most importantly I’d betray my partner’s trust, whom I roped into this myself.’

>’You came here for yourself.’

>We slowly start circling around each other, closing the distance between as we do so

>’I came here to keep my word.’

>With the crowd roaring, he charges me

>I attempt to dodge the attack, but he gets the better of me and I get pinned to the ground

>He grabs me by the hair, keeping my head on the ground as he starts pounding my ribs with his other hand

>I try to hit his own with my free hands, but he isn’t budging

>The motherfucker is trying to break them

>fuck, this is gonna hurt

>As strong as I can I pull my head upwards, feeling as some of my hair gets plucked out

>At least he didn’t expect that, which gives me chance to throw him off of me and letting myself get on my feet

>I use the opportunity to give him a few kicks to waist, but he catches my foot on the last kick and pulls me towards himself, knocking me on my back

>I get the air knocked out of me and whilst I recover, he’s already on his feet and raising his foot to stomp my torso

>Dodging the first stomp, I start rolling away, trying to find a chance to get back up on my feet, while he keeps trying to smush my chest in

>Spinning my legs around I hit the behind of his knee, throwing him off-balance, and then kicking his knee to trip him unto the ground

>I get back on my feet, and so does he

>Again, we stare at each other, me trying to catch a breath and him just breathing a little bit faster

>This isn’t going well for I, and it won’t be long before he just outlasts me

>I have to think, and I have to do it fast

>’Use your head!’

>what

>>375293

>A faun is yelling from the crowd, somehow coming through the yelling and Kiki’s megaphone

>’Use your head, kid!’

>I don’t know if she’s real or if I’m hallucinating her from the fatigue, but that gives me an idea

>’Hey, Skin cream!’

>His burnt up face scowls

>’Are you planning to finish this tonight, or are you stretching this to your gynecologist appointment?’

>He bellows in rage, charging me

>Tzeentch would be proud

>This time I’m ready for him, and I dodge the charge at the last second

>I elbow him into the back and create some distance between us

>Turning around he runs at me again, catching my arm

>I manage to slip it away from the grip, slapping him over the ear as I do so

>He’s basically foaming at the mouth now

>Everything depends on my position and him not noticing our positions

>Releasing a furious scream he blitzes at me with a fury of a fiery god

>I wait for him close enough and I grab him

>Instead of trying to stop him I pull him even, increasing his momentum out of control and flinging him behind me

>right into the corner pole of the ring

>He’s dazed but not knocked out

>I grab him and turn him around

>I swing my head and collide it with his

>Thank God for my Bosnian ancestry

>He stands upright for a few seconds, looking almost confused

>and then he slowly slumps down onto the ground, unconscious

>The crow explodes into cheers and applause, while my opponent gets dragged off stage

>A man could get used to this

>While enjoying the attention, I suddenly feel a jolt of pain go through the back of my head, knocking me on the ground

>Jesus fuck, what was that?

>Something grabs me by the collar and lifts me off the ground, feet hanging in mid air

>’So you had your piece of fun, didn’t you?’

>Is the temperature rising around me?

>’Well, it’s my turn now to have some of my own fun.’

>I turn my head slowly around and I’m met with a pair of crazed looking orange eyes, surrounded by what looked like eyelashes made of fire

>The Hellhound raises me a bit higher, turning me around so I’m facing her

>She makes a fist with her free hand, readying for a punch that would probably go through my spine

>Well it was fun while it lasted

Sorry it took so long, had some work to do

Had to use the wikia for a random roll. Ended up with beelzebub on the first go.

>What did you do?

Accused of a crime I didn't do.

>What did she do?

Probably theft. Repeat offender.

>How is your cell specifically designed to hold your cell mate?

Probably not too different from a normal one. Bunk or double bed, maybe a tad larger than average because of her extra features.

>What’s the plan?

Fuck and cuddle to pass the time. I could see her sneaking away extra food at lunch in the cafeteria to take back to the cell. The cell would probably end up being messy since beelzebubs are into that kinda thing. Hell, she'd probably keep me from cleaning it by pulling me in for sex every time I got the urge to tidy up. All around, just be lazy until our time's up.

>>374429

Does wurm ever get sad that nearly all of her clients end up in the slammer?

I wouldn't want to see her sad or lose her confidence. That'd break my heart.

>>375294

Looking forward to the conclusion, Anon!

>>375565

Imagine sitting next to her while she roars out an objection. I do think though Wurm's biggest problem is that the prosecution probably has crafty Demons and dishonest Danukis and they're probably on an entirely different level. I kinda entertained the idea of an Ace Attorney clone featuring Wurm.