/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

Accidentally saw my final school transcript again after a few years

1.9 GPA.

And so I chose to complain about me regretting about my parents not getting Ritalin because I was never able to get over the fact that my whole family is just a basket case of Stepford Smilers in order to spread the news of Jesus coming sometime in the 21st century.

Still can't remember important shit like my Social Security and Bank Accounts. Ah well, I've got plenty of time to waste on nothing of value anyways.

I'm a genuine idiot who has ruined every chance he's had for any success in any field. There is no escape, and I know it, this is a hole I've dug, and I'll never get out. I'm genuinely retarded, have no future, and the terrible thing is it's completely expected of me. I'm applauded by my father and mother because the fetal stroke I suffered didn't leave me a complete, malfunctioning retard. They put so much time and effort into fixing my physical issues, so any condition I'm in now is seen as admirable, because of the amount of surgeries, therapy, and shit I dealt with growing up. I don't even have motivation for anything anymore. The only people I can relate to are fucking eight or nine at the latest, all I can think about is the past, it's the only thing that brings me comfort, thinking about people I'll never see again who likely have long forgotten me. I wasted my time as a teenager because I had autism and constantly looked like shit because I didn't care, rarely paid attention to anything, and had a crush on a girl for over six years that only lead to her not only wanting nothing to do with me, but further lead to probably rightly justified anger against me. And I've never even spoken a fucking word to her.

Shit sucks. I constantly want to tell people how I feel but I literally can't. I'm incoherent as all fuck, yet I hold a perfectly fine conception of things in my head. I would blame all of this on my parents, but they didn't know what they were doing. I don't know what to do. Maybe there isn't anything to do. If I had the courage to kill myself I'd do it, fuck.

https://www.wired.com/2016/11/autistic-people-can-solve-cybersecurity-crisis/

here is some hope for you gotta keep it up, cant let the parents down anymore

>>13574

what is the cybersecurity crisis about?

Fucking complete utter shit.

Been having an anxiety attack for the past hour and an half while working.

Lucky for me, I'm on a nightshift.

I did have couple people walking in though. Hopefully they didn't notice.

Feeling shit to my stomach. Weak limbs. Veins on my arms are aching. My jaw is all cramped up. Hands shaking.

Feel like I'm on the verge of crying.

Derealization.

I was walking around the building, in circles while my back was all rolled up and I was panicking like hell.

Atleast the depression "season" is over, yay.

>exam season

>can't focus at all

>grades still shit when I can focus

>only friend is an hour plane ride away

>only friend is an active, productive person in his uni, in direct contrast to myself

>my gf tells me I'm boring and depressing to be around after 2 years

>relationship going down the drain real fast

>can't even muster up the courage to see a shrink

>can't even bother to write proper paragraphs

It's still hell on earth, just in a different form now.

everything all in a day. periods of being ok, then just losing my shit crying and holding back from doing stupid rage shit. Everything seems alright now so oh well

>>12569

It's 3:36 AM

I haven't slept a full night in ages

I don't have insomnia, no I have myself keeping me up, my thoughts, the things in my head, the pain, the anger, the regret, the rage that controls my life, I'm up, with these thoughts, and they terrorize me until I eventually pass out.

A couple minutes ago I rambled on /x, and tried to remote view as a spirit into my exes room, in the desperate attempt to try and just let her know the things she deserves to know, I wish I could just tell her, that I regret telling her to block me, that I'm not as angry as I made myself out to be, that I regret being so pissed off about things and going ALL CAPS MOFO on her, I never meant to let it get that bad, I just loved her, and the idea that she was slipping through my fingers again brought up feelings worse than death, I was so close to having her back too.

I've been rejected, so many times, in highschool, I was called a creep when word that I was gonna ask someone to prom got out, they didn't even know it was me, they just said "I hope the guy asking me out isn't that anon guy, he's such a creep" They called me a "stalkerish weirdo". I've been shot down a billion times it feels like, and she was the only one who wanted me, even if it was for a faulty reason for a while, I believe there was a time when she really loved me, and that made me so happy, I could die content with my life as it were. Now she probably hates me, I could have prevented it, I could have been better, been wiser, but I'm not. Now, at best I'm an obsessive, creepy, failed normie. The only thing that can redeem me is to start lifting again. Every day is filled with bouts of depression, regret, I feel pitiful, people tell me to just get over her, move on. Thing is it's hard to do that when I know that there's probably not many people out there who'll have me, who would even give me a chance in the first place.

I don't know what to do. I love her, and I want her back, but I know that the odds are stacked against it, but I also know that the odds are stacked against me finding anyone else either.

I don't get it, you know, the only thing that being nice ever got me was pushed over, stepped on, used, essentially bullied. But it seems to work for everyone else, it's like, when I try to be good, the world rewards me with dropping a steaming log right on my face. Am I gonna stop being nice? no, not because I like being shat on, but because it's right, I'm a depressed piece of oxygen wasting shit, but I'm a strong one, at least, will-wise, I can't feel forced to surrender my ways anymore. Maybe one day, if this shit doesn't work out, I'll find someone, anyone, just maybe who won't give up when things get hard, who won't put their fucking dogma higher than the law of love.

Who knows, tbh I think I'm a piece of shit, and I deserve to die alone, but that's not gonna stop me from wanting a partner to ride this shit out with.

>>13862

I painted the whole not sleeping thing on my ex and that situation, but that's not the only thing fucking me, it's the other thoughts, that and weird dreams, sometimes nightmares, been having those more often too.

Worried and anxious. I am making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow about help with stopping alcohol. I hope they don't pass me off and not give anti-seizure meds.

Also freaked out that they'll try to get me on an antidepressant again. I don't want a pill that's base is fluoride.

>>13883

To add I now go cycling, hiking and fishing to help with depression. It's always there but the hobbies help. I know it's never going away but whatever. I don't even enjoy fishing anymore but force myself to do it, I go with my wife and she has a blast.

>>13262

>>13251

>>13253

>>13258

>>13273

Sad or happy to tell you, I am still here. I hope that yall niggas see it.

See it just because there's still fucking light. I never got laid after that.

I never felt any decenci after that.

But If I, bipolar 2, can handle this shit. yall niggas can too.

Unless you fucktards have some fucked up illnesses. But I'm still here. I didnt an hero. Even tho I tried but they pumped me…Multiple times.

I hope yall hobosexuals wont live it through. Its cryworthy. Not cringe. but cry

The difference between having one friend and no friends is really astounding. I hope he's having fun a uni but it get's lonely here.

I'd probably be addicted to drugs if my anxiety didn't stop me from contacting dealers myself.

I really hate having to rely on other people but I'm too lazy to be self sufficient.

haven't bathed in a week, sleeping at like 4-5am, haven't left my house in the time either, I've been skipping class (inb4 underage, I'm 19, I had to redo a year)

I get fucked up off sleeping pills because they're easy for me to access, people I've told about it think I'm pathetic and I should just get "real drugs" but I'm a pussy as mentioned before. Not that I haven't and don't do "real drugs", they're great.

Of course no one thinks I have proper depression, I'm just asking for attention or whatever according to them, so I don't talk about it any more, then they wonder why I stay indoors all the time.

I fucking hate life, but can't bring myself to an hero so I guess deep down I must think it's not that bad. Every day I wake up and feel like shit I'm sure you guys understand

was feeling good then I came on here and now I am sad

>>13913

I had that same problem until I discovered buying drugs online - darknet markets, bitcoin, and PGP are all you need

>>13917

unfortunately this is not really an option for me because

1. I can't afford to move out of my parents house, last time I bought off DNM they found it and threw it away

2. As far as I know, most of the reliable markets were recently taken down

3. RCs are illegal where I live

however, I have discovered a possible solution. I don't know why it never occurred to me before, I could buy san pedro cactus, since that's legal to own.

>>13263

loved by who? strangers on the internet who never met me? a god who i can never be sure of exists?

I cannot stop watching Final Fantasy 7 Machinabridged, I think there's a problem here.

This is all so fucked, reality, the world, society, life, whatever you want to define it as. How can anyone bear these feelings? I feel like I'm being crushed every moment of my existence, only distracting myself takes me away from it.

>>13881

> everyone wants a degree (IT)

Not true. I know a guy who doesn't have a degree that started at a help desk, became a help desk team leader after a few years, moved up to an IT admin position and now is an IT manager after 10 years. Makes something like $70k+ per year. Just have to find a place willing to hire on experience. Try indeed or monster.

t. IT professional of 8 years. I stared with no degree too but got one after 6 years.

>>14045

How credible do you think those tests were? These days people just call everything that's sad "depression", though it is possible to have it the other way round where you think you're not depressed just because act happy as part of your character.

To me, depression is when you're living, but you don't really feel alive.

I'm watching F1 and it's awesome Hamilton is crying.

I took down this small wasp nest that's been hanging over my porch for a good month or so now. Took a good deal of psyching myself up to do it, I was deeply afraid they were going to fight back once I started spraying. But they just sat there and took it.

Trapped, vaguely anxious, depressed, and lacking my sleeping pill prescriptions, so I will probably get fuck all for sleep tonight. I feel like running away, just getting in my car and driving until lord knows when. Also I found a new album that I like.

>>14066

Don't run away without cash. Something like 2 months worth of expenses would be ideal (I'm not an expert on running away, I've never done it). That should be enough time to re-establish yourself – find a basic job and get a place you can maintain.

Sleeping is the hardest thing in the world to come by for me if I'm not dead tired. The world is so empty at night where I live. Sleeping pill prescriptions sound rad.

>>13376

Faggot fuck

Going to get help soon

>>14635

Wow. I thought I was the only one with such an obsession… I should get away from it too but my Asperger's won't let go and I keep falling back the moment I see a newspaper article randomly at some place. It's all so painful and frustrating at this point.

im supposed to start uni today…

I'm going to off myself before I have to pay any debts in my name, sorry mom and dad.

Fucking terrible. I thought I was getting help today but I was re-scheduled.

Fucking christ that stings so bad.

I think my anxiety is the root of all my mental problems, I tried cbd rich weed and worked like wonders on me, I was in a clear mental state and could actually articulate myself properly, the only problem is that weed is illegal where I live and you never know what kind of weed you get.

I might talk with my doc about anxiety drugs, but I am somewhat afraid they will fry my brain.

Should I just sell them to a drug dealer and get proper weed from good sources?

>>14666

If the weed you're taking right now works, then don't bother selling it.

>>14667

I wasn't talking about weed, I was talking about the medication that might get prescriped

>>14668

Oooohhh! Well, I haven't had good experience with anti anxiety meds, but I suggest you try it first.

>>12978

There are chubby chasers who can fuck you.

i got to know 17yo mulatto girl from my state online :3

>>15407

LA CREATURE

>>15419

she looks like syrian or tunisian or moroccoan

>>15460

Does she have colored eyes?

>>15461

her eyes are brown

https://www.disabilitysecrets.com/win-can-you-get-disability-for-depression.html

https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/disability/determination-anxiety-disorders.html

https://www.disabilitysecrets.com/conditions-page-1-30.html

https://www.truehelp.com/understanding-ssdi/guidelines-by-disability/sleep-disorders-and-social-security-disability-insurance/

>>15479

Thanks