/kind/ -failing friendship advice

Email
Comment *
File	Select/drop/paste files here
Password	(Randomized for file and post deletion; you may also set your own.)
Archive	Archive [500 char limit]
* = required field	[▶Show post options & limits] Confused? See the FAQ.

File: b8ac01f5840e2f8⋯.jpg (9.89 KB,221x221,1:1,1343410470593s.jpg)

failing friendship advice Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 01:01:15 No.37667

Hi /kind/

Was hoping someone could offer me any advice.

My best friend is an internet friend I've had for about 6 years, he has been a NEET for all those years and he's always had anxiety issues (and obvious OCD), though he had been doing better over the past few years, applying for jobs, working for his father etc.

He's been seeing a psychologist funded by his father, and also a "life coach (obvious hoax much inferior to an actual trained professional to waste money on)".

He's taking psych medications, and even though his anxiety has been mostly cured, his OCD obviously hasn't been (it's been getting worse if anything.) he is not taking any steps to change that though.

Last year he decided that using chat clients made him anxious as responding to messages would make him feel the need to drop everything else, without being able to multitask, this cut into his videogame time so he decided to just stop using chat clients completely.

I felt pretty abandoned when he randomly logged out for 2 months, so I finally decided to e-mail him and tell him how I feel disappointed in him randomly disappearing and not telling me everything after basically 4 years of speaking to me daily, I got back an e-mail that basically said that "he feels very sorry" and "will try being online more".

Right now he logs in once a week for a single hour to speak to me.

The same hour every Friday, at 4 AM in the morning for me.

Should I just cut things off? It's just painful to go on like this, and if he truly feels the need to behave this way out of obligation there's probably nothing he wants to do with me and another friend we have in common anyways.

I've spoken about it with him a few times but I always get "I'll try harder" or something similar, even when I'm just discussing my feelings, or trying to get him to actually get himself fixed.

____________________________

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 01:54:13 No.37669

>how I feel disappointed in him randomly disappearing and not telling me everything after basically 4 years of speaking to me daily

You should try to help him, not tell him you're disappointed in him

>Should I just cut things off?

Don't do that, aren't you his best friend? You should support him and try to help him with his problem, not abandon him

>there's probably nothing he wants to do with me

Then why did he stay as your friend for the past 6 years?

Come on OP, stay with your friend and try to help him. If he's actually having problem with his life, then you should help him with that so he can fix his problem and you can have fun with him again, if he really wants to have nothing to do with you then that's unfortunate, but you tried to help your best friend. I know that kind of shit is painful, but you need to try to help him, talk to him, try to solve his problem together rather than passively waiting for him to try harder. Sorry about your troubles.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 01:56:15 No.37670

>>37669

Oh wait, my bad, I didn't read the part where you tried to help him. Just stay there with your friend, anon.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 02:27:35 No.37671

>>37670

The thing is I did talk to him, I speak to him about it frequently, but he's avoidant about that topic and other than that he's just not interested in speaking it seems.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 02:33:47 No.37672

>>37671

Well now he's making it hard for you both, though I might understand why. Do you think you can try encourage him to face his problem and talk about it?

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 02:38:01 No.37673

>>37672

The thing is- he's convinced he's happier than ever and has no problems.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/05/17 (Tue) 02:42:09 No.37674

>>37673

Somehow I have a feeling he's just lying to you so you'll drop it, either that or he's actually feeling happier than ever, which most likely is not the case. I'm not sure how I'd deal with that, but maybe ask him if he's really honest with himself that he's happier than ever.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/07/17 (Thu) 02:09:42 No.37681

File: 36f1a78c90227a5⋯.png (1.44 MB,1442x1032,721:516,1494588358053.png)

There's a time where you have to just cut your losses and start to think about yourself most of all.

If he's clearly not showing interesting in you and your person, whatever the reason may be, no matter how much you try to approach him and try to help him and understand him, then it's time to simply cut it off and avoid more pain by yourself.

What do you think is being more painful? Not being able to talk to him at all? Or just being able to talk with him on such a limited period of time that inconveniences you greatly?

At most, try one more time, go all out, say everything, don't leave anything unmentioned. Express all your feelings, thoughts and emotions to him, if he cares, and is willing to try for you and to reconnect with you, then all good, but if not, if he shows he doesn't care and is willing to ignore your last desperate cry then it's time to stop, say goodbye, and move on.

Don't fall for the sunken cost fallacy. I've seen friendships that have lasted longer completely break off for menial things and friendships that are not even months-long where the persons that are part of it seem like if they have been living together since birth. I know you consider him your friend, and it sucks to lose a constant in your life after so many years, but sometimes the most painful choices are the most beneficial to one.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.

Friend 12/07/17 (Thu) 03:53:06 No.37682

What are you doing with your life? Are you neet as well? Do you work?

Friendship is a luxury. If you are guy you should be able to survive without it. I mean it will be a hellish existence but if I can get thru it so can you.

Focus on what you can do to major yourself happy. If nothing will make you happy focus on what will benefit you and will make you better/stronger / more comfy.

Disclaimer: this post and the subject matter and contents thereof - text, media, or otherwise - do not necessarily reflect the views of the 8kun administration.