No.21275 [View All]
Whether it be, mundane or extraordinary, tell us about your life. We're all ears, so how's life treating you, friend?
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No.34396
>>34394
Jealously was always my problem when I was depressed. Why do you say never? We should all be wary of self fulfilling prophecies.
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No.34569
I guess this counts as a blog post. There isn't much to say, though.
Pic related is a post I made here on /kind/. After submitting it, I picked up my bags and left. I figured that a year spent reading, catching up at university, etc. would help me feel more comfortable when I come back. Most of the time I just drift aimlessly from thread to thread, hating myself for not being informed or witty or insightful enough to comment on anything. It turned out that leaving imageboards disrupted a carefully kept equilibrium, so I managed to get even less done than usual. I still wonder what happened to all that time. I didn't even do anything like play video games or watch anime all day.
In fact, a few hours ago I admitted to my parents that I'd lied about passing any of my classes in the last three years, and about writing a bachelor's essay. The reason I lied in the first place was that I figured that the amount of effort it would take to finish up all these classes would be so minimal that it wasn't worth bringing up, and I was right. If I had put in any effort whatsoever, I'd at least have a BA by now. Of course, the lack of a degree bothers me less than having to admit to my parents that I'm a terrible person. Absolute scum.
Anyway, being away from imageboards was mostly lonely and depressing, and I missed /kind/. Now that I'm back I mostly feel disoriented, like I'm Rip van Winkle or something. None of the posts I'm reading feel real, if that makes sense.
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No.34635
>>34569
Holy shit man are you me? I did the same except for only 3 months. Same results and reasons basically
>It turned out that leaving imageboards disrupted a carefully kept equilibrium, so I managed to get even less done than usual. I still wonder what happened to all that time. I didn't even do anything like play video games or watch anime all day.
yeah good thing im already a neet, still im sad it turned out this way, I guess it's easy to blame imageboards when they're a constant but they're rather merely a symptom
>None of the posts I'm reading feel real, if that makes sense.
I felt the same way for a week, it's natural for an activity we've been dedicating hours everyday for years without interruption, it's "embedded" in our brains by this point if you think about it, don't worry you'll warm up real quick :^)
You may not have fixed your life anon but your will is admirable, and a small step forward in the right direction.
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No.34676
Had my first lucid dream last night, so that's sort of cool.
I got up in the middle of the night for a bathroom visit, and when I bedded back down, I must have gone back to sleep almost instantly. I remember I was in a restaurant, following a little blonde gal to a booth table.
Inane details that mean nothing, that I still want to write down:
If you were looking at a blueprint of the building, the doors would have been in the bottom left of the building, in the bottom wall. Standing at the door, most of the wall behind me to the right was taken up by a bar and the kitchen. Wrapping around the corner and taking up a bulk of the the wall to my left, were big windows looking out into somewhere resembling the pacific northwest - big trees everywhere, kind of grey and dreary. There was a highway, and maybe a river.
The floor was a black and white checkerboard pattern. The booth tables were silver or grey, with chrome trim. The booth benches were overstuffed red things with orange trim. the walls were a deeper, almost wine-red, and the whole wall opposite the door was covered in black and white pictures of some sort. It felt like an upscale 50's diner.
It was also eerily quiet.
[/endramble]
While I was following the gal to my table, I was glancing at other people's menus to try and see what I wanted to have, and as I passed by a woman at her booth, middle-aged with a larger than normal nose and sandy yellow hair, I noticed that the menu was just covered in word salad. Not lines, or dots, or squiggles like I was expecting, but some English equivalent of lorem ipsum.
At that point, I realized that I might be dreaming, and just for giggles, tried to test it out.
Now, most people I've read try to do relatively little things, like make themselves float or put something in their own pocket, to test if they're dreaming. I didn't worry about the small fish, and decided to grant myself telekinetic superpowers and tried to pick everyone in the building up. I couldn't do it the first try, it was harder than I expected. I did it the second time though and got everyone floating in the air. It was the coolest fucking thing ever!
I couldn't faff about for long, though, because the first thing I did when I flew (literally) out of the restaurant was stop paying attention and then I ran into a tree, waking me up and presumably powderising my dream-spine.
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No.34687
the only friend that keeps in touch with me since hs, despite everyone else giving up on me because of my being reclusiveness, has told me she's moving overseas soon.
this does not bode well for my childhood abandonment issues.
i wonder if i should tell her how much she meant to me as a friend the last time i see her before she goes, or just continue to be a withdrawn sperg and quietly say 'later' like i usually do
come to think of it, normal people would just keep in contact through social media. but i can't do that stuff
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No.34690
>>34635
Thank you for posting this. Hearing from people in similar situations is always refreshing.
>I guess it's easy to blame imageboards when they're a constant but they're rather merely a symptom
This is too true. I think it's easy to fall for this belief that a radical change must necessarily lead to positive growth, sort of like the "cocoon mode" meme you see on self-improvement boards, even when it's usually healthier to seek some kind of balance or ween yourself off slowly. In my most grandiose daydreams I expected to become some kind of erudite, self-actualized super hermit, but instead I mostly learned about how bottomless my self-hatred is and how painful loneliness can be. Of course, I also learned to be more honest about my feelings, but maybe at too high a cost.
Well, the important thing is to not give up.
>>34687
You should absolutely tell her how you feel, friend. If you can't do it in person, write a letter or an email. She will definitely appreciate it, and I suspect you will feel grateful that you did it.
I feel adamantly about this because I once moved overseas, in high school, and was too cool to say goodbye to anyone. The only person who said goodbye to me was someone I barely knew, yet I've always cherished that farewell and think it helped me adapt to my new home.
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No.34723
I realized something. I don't really like anime or manga. I just buy figures and dakis in order to fit in with the rest of the userbases of imageboards, which is worrying since I'm not really in a position to spend money on that kind of thing. I imagine myself as one of those office workers who waste their entire lives doing things they don't like only so they can buy an expensive watch to fit in with the rest of society. I probaly do this because I never had any friends or family. At the end of my life, anonymous users who don't know me and who I don't know will be everyone who I have ever talked to in honest ways, the only people who I have had the desire to "fit in" with. My life is truly pathetic. It's an anonymous imageboard version of real life in the sense that instead of working in a suit to impress coworkers, I read, watch and buy things that I don't really like because I want to feel a part of this group that I look up to. I'm also mostly an attention whore who writes long texts like this about myself on all corners of the imageboard cosmoverse, all the time, seeking for some sort of positive replies in mass from other users though this time what I really wanted was some general well elaborated insight on this anonymous case, from anyone who has read this entirely
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No.34745
>>21545
I especially regret my actions at your age, so I'll try to give so some advice to the best of my ability, although I may say the same thing about my life now in another decade or so.
>I can study in Japan for six weeks
I had a friend to spent a year on foreign exchange in Japan when I was 16-17. He was never terribly at home at our school, as he was a reserved, and non-athletic fellow at a ghetto school. Firstly if you don't get the scholarship, don't sweat, a change in life plans is never the end of the world. Secondly if you do get it make sure that you have the materials, and practice to study on your own, as a foreigner in Japan your instructors will (at least initially) hold your skills with extreme doubt. I recall my friend was never even given textbooks for class, because they thought there was no point in giving a textbook to someone with only 6 years of Japanese. Thirdly prepare yourself for the possibly shocking nature of your hosts, you will most certainly will be forced in one way or another to change your habits in ways which will often seem arbitrary.
>I'm thinking of either pursuing a double major in finance and architecture or doing finance as an undergraduate and then do architecture as a graduate (probably in another school).
While aspirations are good to have don't let your eyes get bigger than your stomach. If you are having trouble narrowing down what you would like to do I would suggest intensively researching jobs as if you were applying to them shortly. You obviously do not have adequate knowledge for a job in the fields of your interest at the moment, and doing this will allow you to see exactly what you are lacking with speed. The sooner you begin to focus on what is required for the job instead of the schooling that one is required to apply for that job the better. You said you were thinking of MIT, I suggest you watch lectures from MIT online, if you don't already. College is for papers and connections, you need to be learning on your own time. Just like some people train all the time to be professional athletes, people train all the time to be "professional students". Remember whenever you are goofing off someone else is working at exactly the same things you want to, they are getting better, they are putting in hours, and they want it more than anything. Want it more than them.
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No.34746
>>34745
>>21545
>self-improvement
Good, keep this in the back of your head at all times. Consider any task to which you are set. What if you were to die right after you were done? Would your work be a fitting final accomplishment? If your life was to be judged by that task would you wish you could go back and do it again? We could die any moment at all, make all your moments defensible as a glorious last stand, especially the simple stuff like shaving your face, or folding your clothes. It may seem silly, or an exhausting and unsustainable way of life, but you will quickly find that this is not the case. I do not mean that you should input some sort of gargantuan effort into everything you do, but rather that at any, and every moment of your existence you should attempt to act with pride, and dignity. If you are not exercising, please start. If you can develop good habits in this regard they will stay with you for the rest of your life, providing you with a means to busy, and better yourself until you die.Finally when it comes to self improvement we as humans like to think of ourselves as forever on an upward path beset with only small dips, and plateaus. This is sadly not the case for most of us. There will come a time in some aspect of your life where it seemed that things were improving and all was going well, and then your world will seem to come crashing down, and you will feel inclined to liken your sorry state to Icarus, but do not despair. All things pass, and it is simply the nature of our existence that there are falls, falls which we will not overcome. There will be something in your life that was once good, and shall never be so again, and you will have no power over the matter, but don't bash your head against the wall my friend, no you must accept the situation and move on to other things, other pursuits, other relationships. It always seems hard at the time, but someday you will look back and cry out "Why did I not appreciate how it was" for we are all inclined to favor the extreme memories, be it a whipping with a belt, or the way the dandelions dance in the soft breeze during the time when we were young, and everything seemed so far away.
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No.34747
>>34746
>>21545
>My friends in general stopped hanging out with me for some reason, and about 80% of them talk to me reluctantly. Which is funny, because I've had various rumors spread
Most "friends" people develop in school are merely friends of circumstance. Don't go and alienate everyone, but be direct if you have issues with people, and if they don't want to associate with you because they know your opinion of them, it really isn't worth pretending to be friends with them is it? Some say it gets better when you are an adult, but I've yet to see any betterment in this sort of matter with nearly everyone who I was thrust into talking to by circumstances that did not relate to my personal interests, be glad you have some experience with inane drama, because it doesn't go away. Also three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
>my liking a girl
Never had much interest for girls, but when I reflect on those years, I can only smirk at the unending folly, for nothing yet has surpassed the petty arguing, and unending posturing of high schoolers scuttering about, desperately trying to secure the tiniest drop of romantic attention. If you find your mind bustling with thoughts of longing, and worry take a minute to think on all the people you know who have happily married the girlfriend they had in high school, and furthermore take notice of how quickly those about you change. If you reflect on how you were just three or four years ago do you not shutter slightly at just how much your interests, and manner of conducting yourself has changed in just a few short years? It is most rare to find a person who consistently evolves tastes, and mannerisms that please you, and yours them, and the longer the time one is with someone the more likely that they will become incompatible. As for another concern of young men in their romantic lives - the matter of virginity, which is so often looked upon as some campfire rock which must be tossed away before you burn your hands is absurd. If you concern yourself with sexual release, why would pounding someone who is nothing to you but a meat sleeve bring you any lasting happiness? You have accomplished nothing special, for the task is both easy, and short lived. There are better things in life than the physical release that sex brings, and if you regret the coupling you can never take it back. You can never then have the first time be of the significance it hold between those who are emotionally intimate. Furthermore the conception of the social stigma that is attributed to male virgins is grossly overthought. If you ever wanted to have sex with someone for reasons beyond the physical, would not their dislike of you for not having sex with other people seem a gaping, and mind twisting character flaw? Why would anyone want to share such a personal act with someone who would be so callous?
>Twitter
Delete immediately. I, thankfully was incredibly paranoid about social media, and so never even made a myspace profile, for the fear that if I left a record of my ideas or appearance it would irrecoverably hinder me if I wanted to be Emperor of Rome.
>contact my friends otherwise
There was a time before used that dang newfangled invention of the written word, and they still managed to make plans to hang out.
>``1Q84`` and ``Brave New World``
Read the Greeks. Read the Romans. Read the Classics. Read fun books you know are trash. Don't read the required reading in your English class if you can avoid it. Don't use cliffnotes, instead find a critique by Harold Bloom, or someone else, and it's about the same length, but will give you a much better, and flashier understanding of the book.
If you can, tell your parents you love them. Soon you might not be able to.
You have a long long way to go anon, don't burn out here.
Good luck in life!
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No.34986
>>34723
Nearly everyone longs for some connection to others, and to have an in-group.You could just stop spending the money, it isn't like anyone is going to kick you off image boards for not spending your money on anime memorability.
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No.35219
Hey just gonna quick get this off my chest. Gonna sage it, as to not bump a dead thread.
>be me
>am the youngest of three brothers
For ease, the middle brother will be bro2 and the oldest will be bro1
>bro1 has great great
>bro1 is very popular
>bro1 is in a band
>bro1 is the picture perfect son and older brother
>bro1 got into a state university
>bro1 got involved with the wrong crowd
>bro1 apparently got slugged in the head during a battle of the bands thing
>hit was so bad he needed plating on his skull
>bro1 isn't quite bro1 anymore
>bro2 was apparently an invalid before he could even cry for the first time
>apparently got stuck in my mom's snatch, so he was neglect of vital oxygen for a little bit
>didn't notice until recently that he is a bit weird
Regardless
>bro2 is a failure at school
>bro2 skips school to smoke with his friends
>bro2 somehow manages to fail out of highschool
>bro2 attempts suicide via random chemicals
>bro2 chickens out and dials 911
From my perspective, I was just sitting around watching tv. Some knocking on the door, ignore it, door opens and police come in. I believe it was three officers, two go into my brother's room and escort him out while the remaining officer asks me some questions. I don't quite remember what he asked, but I didn't know my brother attempted suicide that night until around five years later, when my mother told me about it.
>bro2 has taken five years to get a two year degree
>bro2's college funds had run dry, so my father had tapped into my funds
>bro2's retardation made it so that I couldn't go to college without debt
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No.35220
>>35219
>bro1 is no longer able to function at school due to his injury
>bro1 has no other option than to come back home
>bro1 can't go back to the room that he had lived nearly two decades in, due to my father staying back there
>bro1 sleeps in the basement
>bro1 does nothing but sit around, playing video games and watching tv
>bro1 finally manages to get a job at a local farm
>bro1 comes into my room at ten o'clock at night
Keep in mind, I was kinda young at this point, so I was trying to get to sleep at this point
>bro1 asks about his knife, the one he has for work
>tell him I don't know anything about it
And, as far as I knew for some years, this was the end of it. However
>bro1 confronts my father in his room
>bro1 accuses my father of molesting and promptly assails him
>bro2 comes to the rescue
>father doesn't call the cops
I assume some time passes
>bro1 asks to talk to my father in the basement
>bro1 assails him again
>bro1 gets his ass handed to him
>father files restraining order
>father moves back in with his father
>bro1 is completely out of his mind
>bro1 apparently becomes abusive, at least I've been told as much
>bro1 attempts suicide by crashing his car into someone else's
>bor1's attempt fails
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No.35221
>>35220
I'd like it to be known that some time has passed since dad had moved out.
>mother doesn't want to take responsibilty for him, as he's apparently been causing trouble for her too
>father takes him in
>no trouble for some time
I suppose it may be obvious that my parents were getting divorced at this time, but for those who couldn't put it together.
Regardless, this was how the story ended for some time, I didn't talk to my father or oldest brother (bro1) for some time and my older brother (bro2) was going to college. This is until, my mother remarried, at which point I decided I'd visit my father. We moved in with my stepfather, the house is pretty big. However, I couldn't be afforded my own room, so I have to share a room with bro2. I had been visiting my father for nearly a year, at which point
>am woken up at four in the morning
>mother and stepdad
>boys, we've got some terrible news..
I always wondered how I would react to news like this, but the first thing that came to mind was if it was just a dream or not. At two o'clock in the morning, my oldest brother had come into my fathers room and murdered him. It's not clear what exactly happened, and I'd prefer to not know, but it is known that by the end of it he had tossed my father down the stairs. Being the retard he is, he called the police on himself and admitted to his crime. My mother had to be called, since no one knew who his dentist was. They needed the dentist to make sure it was my dad.
Now, this is all well and shit, what with a dead dad and all, but it couldn't just end there.
>inevitably had to get around to his will
>my father mentioned that his cousin had the "keys to the kingdom"
>his cousin was the executor of the will, with me and my siblings being the only deneficiary
>this woman, who I've never met, went through my father's home before it was cleaned
>this woman, who I've never met, tredded through my father's blood to retreive what she wanted from his room
>this woman, who hadn't been appointed yet, had gone through my father's belongings
>this woman, who is supposed to have my best interests in mind, requested to go unmonitored in her actions as executor
That's mine for now, something of a work in progress. Anyways, that's enoguh about me, let's talk about you.
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No.35364
>>35221
That's a really morbid story. If it's true I'm very sorry. I hope you choose a major that is high paying and/or has a very high likelihood of employment. Once you start making money you can just leave your family behind and put all that stuff behind you. I wish you the best anon
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No.35393
>>35364
Yeah, we don't have any money for me to go out and he a degree of any kind anymore, nor am I willing to sit my ass in debt for a decade. So, I've enlisted into the army, thanks to the discount veterans get, the GI Bill's 80k towards education, and four years worth of work will hopefully pay it off.
Who knows, I might have some cool stories to tell you guys, too.
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No.35395
>>35219
>bro1 has great great
Grades
>>35221
>that's mine for now..
I had posted this elsewhere before, this last bit was included by accident
>>35393
>and he a degree
get
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No.35487
I like you guys and I love this board, but it's time for me to leave. I wrote a long blogpost explaining my reasoning, but I accidentally deleted it and don't feel like writing it again. It isn't that important, anyway. This post is just intended to give me a sense of closure and finality so I can commit to abstaining from imageboards again. My plan is to not return until the end of the decade, so we may not see each other for a while.
Regardless of what happens, I'm going to strive to be nice and do my best every day. Thank you for helping me realize what really matters in life, /kind/.
Goodbye.
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No.35530
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No.38754
>>23012
You aren't alone. It's so hard sometimes to get up in the morning; feeling like life has no meaning and you're riding the water funnel into a drain.
Do you know the root of these feelings? Why you have them?
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No.38770
>>35487
>abstaining from imageboards again.
>again
Same here. Alas I've tried this 6 times by now, all with various degrees of success but none lasting more than 4 months. It's just so fucking hard. So much I'd say it's an addiction. Like every addiction it's not enough to recognize it, you need to understand how it works. And you need to understand it goes beyond pure willpower, that alone will keep you away from them for a while but eventually you'll come back. I have other addictions and wish to quit them too, so I've been reading about neurochemicals and reward pathways. It's a giant clusterfuck and im too much of a brainlet to fully understand those texts but it seems to me you need to rewire or "overwrite" those pathways, the terrifying thing is if what I've read is true, then abstinence only reinforces them. Some cues remain, other chemicals interfere and confuse your emotions and desires and the part of your brain in charge of judgment and self control literally shuts down. So it's nigh impossible for a person to change his ways permanently, don't feel bad if you fail again. You'll probably come back but I wish you success.
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No.38775
I wish someone told me social skills is more important than looks or knowledge.
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No.38778
I don't have any of those things, I'm not sure if I even have a brain at this point. I feel like I was made just so I could die at the frontlines, fighting people like myself.I am just about done with this shit
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No.38780
wasted the whole day again.
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No.38781
>>38770
I’m still here. Actually, I only lasted a week or so after writing that post. But I’ve made many more attempts since then, including a four-month-long stretch that ended a few weeks ago. Now I'm mustering the energy for another attempt. To tell you the truth, I’ve been at this since 2013. I was free for most of 2016, but since then I’ve been very inconsistent.
My feelings on the subject are so muddled that I can’t share them in a concise manner. I’m going to keep trying my best and try to learn from my failures, though. For me, at least, it’s become increasingly clear that the underlying problem is computer addiction and that I need to tackle that and imageboards at the same time to make any headway. That’s easier said than done when everything is online.
Anyway, I like your approach, friend. I’m also going to do some reading on breaking addictions.
Fighto!
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No.38783
>>38781
Not that guy, I'm also hugely addicted to the internet and imageboards. The problem is that I don't have anything else to do really and I have a lot of downtime in my life. It all seems so useless to try to get out of this pit and I always end up coming back.
The thing about imageboards is that it dulls all my negative emotions. I don't have to think about all the unpleasant things in my life when I spend 4 hours browsing literal garbage.
There's also the same kind of thing happening with music when I end up listening to the same song 30 times in a row.
Anyway, I'm not well versed in the topic of addictions but I think the only solution would be to quit cold turkey just like you would quit heroin cold turkey. But it's hard to stay motivated when you don't have anything to strive for
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No.38812
I feel off. I can talk to just about anyone and be nice to them if they speak to me, be it online or in real life, but I think I must have some kind of aura that pushes people away. People will talk to me with no apparent issues for days and weeks but then suddenly just stop. I've experienced it through Discord, Steam, even in person.
Besides that, I don't know how to reach out and speak. I've tried joining servers, I've tried playing games and getting involved with guilds, but I struggle to talk if it's not 1-1.
Maybe I'm too desperate. It just bothers me that people leave your life for no reason besides getting bored. It eats me up inside sometimes, that all those people or faces I met, I'll never get to see them again.
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No.38826
>>38812
I honestly feel like this could've been written by me, but it's not.
It's almost as if people treat you as a disposable tool, isn't it?
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No.38827
>>38826
It's a mix between that but also it feels like I'm invisible or just not wanted. People like me when they talk to me, and I'm not ugly by any means, or anything like that. They just seem to disappear for no real reason. It's not a good feeling.
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No.39206
Sometimes I don't feel like being nice anymore. So far being nice on the internet has gotten me a few friends who complain all the time and never seem to try to make any progress. I try to be patient and encourage them but it doesn't work. Telling them what they're doing wrong doesn't work. Even recently one of my friends has not been well and removed me from his friends' list on discord without having told me why.
Add onto that my own life that I hate living in and I see no reason why I should feel empathy/sympathy for anyone who is "struggling" when they have all the usual things a normal has and I don't. It starts to come off as humblebragging or just taking good things for granted.
I wanted to be nice because it was a personal goal of mine. Now I'm just tired.
Don't bother trying to blackpill me or anything, I try and keep these things out of my life now, black or redpill never helped.
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No.39213
>>39206
I don't want to pill you in any way.
All I want is to say Thanks for making the world a better place! I hope your kindness will paid out for you.
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No.39229
>>39213
Thank you. I'm more than tired of the "pills" which just feel like masochism for my motivation.
And thank you as well, I do kind of need it. Selfish as it may be, I hope something good comes my way too. Life has really sucked the past couple of months and I've been more than sick of it.
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No.39266
Looking back on these past 4 years with 8chan in general and realizing how fast time went by, it gets me a little teary-eyed remembering all the shit that happened.
Exodus, Hotwheels being blessed with a walking simulator, site crashing due to attacks and botspam causing a lot of comfy times in the bunkers, Infinity Next being a broken piece of shit that Josh ran off with the money, all the shilling for endchan and other 8ch alternatives, /pol/ Harbor, Jewt getting cucked and being a baggage boy to boot, and Hiroshima taking over cuckchan and turning it into NeoGAF 2.0.
These past 4 years with you guys have been fun and I wish you all the best for the next 4 years.
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No.39270
>>39266
I lurked reddit and occasionally halfchan. But only because of the massive exodus and censorship did i actually start posting. Time sure has flew
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No.39275
Finally got my computer to run F.E.A.R on max settings.
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No.39291
>>39275
That's cool, however, I sure hope you're not going to play that-, there's better games than that casual jumpscare riddled console trash, anon.
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No.39310
The one who kept tantruming up those McLargeHuge rage-posts is now on mood-stabilizers and is trying to uninstall bad habits acquired or strengthened during the worst months-long suicidal episode in his life, and trying to replace with better habits. Pic semi-related.
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No.39335
Last night, while reading Getting to Samadhi via Formal Mediation Sessions*, specifically the following line and a few prior leading up to it:
>“In fact, most of the things that we do in a given day are done to just maintain our bodies, our houses, our environment in a presentable condition. Yet, we do not see the suffering associated with all those activities. That is another way to comprehend anicca nature.”
I don’t think I’ve come closer to getting anicca than this. It was a very “oooOOOoooh..!” moment, because exactly this has been a strong point of contention for me for a very long time: all these ‘stupid little things’ I have to keep doing and doing over and over just to maintain life! This contention becomes painfully pronounced during deep depression periods, when I lose the will to wash dishes or brush my teeth on a regular basis; I must have disappointed the dentist today! Anyway, when I’ve complained about these basics of survival as a 1st-world human, I tend to get blank stares like they want to slap me for being a whiner; this was just another of another batch of ‘stupid little things’ that tend to make me feel like “the only one in the whole wide world” who notices these things, noting the silliness of going through all the trouble just for the sake of pointlessly heading ’round and ’round with no end and no beginning and in my darkest moments…
And then I read that post and– well well well, I’m NOT the only one! Still quite depressing to consider, though: still feels like there was no beginning and there won’t be and end to any of it, but one day I hope to convince my ignorant brain that it’s wrong and Buddha’s right. Step one is more meditation, but even before that step zero is to keep calm, then go from zero to one. Or perhaps they’re the same? Goes to show how little I know (except academically/intellectually) after all this time. But at least now I have an intensely personal means to try my best at contemplating anicca, like I was trying while waiting at both the dentist’s office and the lobby at the barber. For example, watching the lawn mower going back and forth, back and forth, across the land around the church across the street, thinking about how the fruitlessness of doing so since the grass will grow back anyway (among many related ideas like the lawnmower breaking apart, the suffering of the guy on the lawn mower sweating under a hot sun and his ears being assaulted by the horrid noise of the lawn mower…) and how that, I think, is anicca. I don’t know it, but I think that’s it. One aspect of it, maybe.
*
https://puredhamma.net/bhavana-meditation/sotapanna-anugami-getting-to-samadhi-via-formal-mediation-sessions
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No.39385
I ram into a glass door and it hurt like fug. At night and have very little light source surrounding the entrance. Didn't see it coming and I thought the glass door was open. Then.. boom, had a minor cut in the corner of my eyebrow because I was wearing glasses while face plant into it. Pic somewhat related.
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No.39387
>>39385
I'd give you a hug if you weren't over the Internet. Pic semi-related.
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No.39392
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No.39408
Winter isn't actually here yet, but i'm already sick, have fever, a very stuffy nose, my mind wandering unable to function, and sore throat. Thankfully just in time for weekend, so i can maybe pass it by next week, but i had to give up on going to work for extra cash today.
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No.39412
>>39408
It's because nature was too /unkind/ to gently transition from summer to autumn. At least here, going from 90 to 50 in a day.
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No.39471
I code all day at work then I code the rest of the day after work. Listen to 14+ hours of anime/vocaloid music a day. I drink tea all day, constantly. My brain feels like its melted in my skull. Not sure how to fix this, if I need booze or leafy greens or what. No food sounds good, & I have not had a chance to go to the supermarket re:computer. I just eat a lot of Ritz crackers.
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No.39472
>>39471
>Not sure how to fix this
Give your brain a rest sometimes? Leafy greens are good if you can get them fresh and organic
I'd lay off the Ritz crackers but that's just my advice
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No.39597
>>23338
don't smoke, probs worsened my depression and microdosing doesn't do shit lol just go for the full tab.
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No.39682
I got a camera shoved up my pisshole.
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No.39683
Forgive me if this sort of blogposting is more suitable for /sad/
I've been taking antidepressants for the better part of 11 years. Went off of them recently. Felt great for the first month and a half but now I'm getting really depressed again. I didn't even have a good reason to stop taking them. Needed a refill and decided one day and thought maybe I was better off without them. This week and the last have been particularly bad though. What makes things worse is I feel like I'm on the cusp of getting better. Problem isn't not knowing what I need to do but having a desire to actually do it. Taking meds now would feel like an admission of defeat and I don't want that. I just don't see a future where I do anything without them.
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No.39696
>>39471
Hi friend, I feel you. A combination of repetitive days consisting of nonstop work, and boring routines have been making me feel drained as well as tired almost all the time. I don't have friends outside of /kind/ or any money to help spice up my life. I get that melted brain feeling.
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No.39710
>>39682 samefriend
Then next week I had a catheter shoved up same hole, then air blown into bladder, then dye squeezed in so the x-ray machine could see me down hither. This procedure was much more painful than the last time.
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