/desu/ - Desu

>>5801

Uh-huh.

Could be better... Um, how about you?

>>5804

things have been alright to say the least, a lot of changes. I am surprised to see the board migrated since it last got purged we have been looking for a new spot to camp out, which proved to be not very easy recently noticed this board being back, and had to come see if there were any major changes, things seem almost the same, a tad slower but still not bad. where were you guys all this time? i payed small visits to .rip but never seen any of you. made us curious. on a side note am still tied to original BO, he is doing well. may pay a visit too in time i am guessing.

>>5808

A lot of changes, eh?

Yeah, it all came back pretty quickly, though at first I was afraid that some of the pictures didn't survive the migration. Phew. I'm glad I was wrong.

>things seem almost the same

Indeed, hehe. However, it seems there's only two non-lurker desufags left here now, including me. Everyone just keeps on disappearing, it's like they all suddenly turn into LCL or something. Ugh.

I was in hospital during the downtime. Delta-Desu was asleep and reading books, as he said. Maybe he'll talk to you too...

Maybe I could have been more active these days if I hadn't caught SSRI-induced apathy syndrome. Right now I am reducing the dose of the drug and decided to stop taking it ASAP. Dopamine goes up, feeling pretty schizzy.

>i payed small visits to .rip but never seen any of you

No wonder, because we have nothing to do with them, nor any other "ORMTs".

>he is doing well. may pay a visit too in time

That's actually nice to hear. Looking forward to it. ~desu

>>5809

>I was afraid that some of the pictures didn't survive the migration. Phew. I'm glad I was wrong.

was worried about the same, luckily all that was left still remains. Its a good feeling.

>it seems there's only two non-lurker desufags left here now, including me. Everyone just keeps on disappearing, it's like they all suddenly turn into LCL or something. Ugh.

it is to be expected, as far as the western branch the plan was not to return, howeven once this was seen most will be coming back along with few newer blood showing up. We were trying to find other places to go as an alternative but as i said before, we did not make the best results so we remained in the shadows. however progress is good, the translations for the newer series are undergo and it makes me happy to see such efforts.

>I was in hospital during the downtime. Delta-Desu was asleep and reading books, as he said. Maybe he'll talk to you too...

would be nice to hear from them, it has been a while and i persoally would like to catch up on things, a lot is needed to be said and shared.

>Maybe I could have been more active these days if I hadn't caught SSRI-induced apathy syndrome. Right now I am reducing the dose of the drug and decided to stop taking it ASAP

sorry to hear that i hope all is going well along with your health. i understand these things can be tough to comprehend, but i hope for the best in that regard.

>we have nothing to do with them, nor any other "ORMTs".

this is a new term, care to enlighten me? but for the most part i get where you are coming from, i wish things would be different but nevermind the past.

>That's actually nice to hear. Looking forward to it. ~desu

i hope to see him visit and catch up as well, there will be others popping up and paying visits from the western branch, hope to see a new light and era for this side. this bridge is of major importance and am glad it is back, i missed you guys to say the least.

Hello there, another desuer is here. Just had to say hello, and it's good to know that everyone's doing OK. Just having a rest while I can afford it and trying to learn a few more things. This years feels so much better, like a plain after mountains ~desu

>>5809

BTW you changed the banners, I see. Not like the old ones were bad, maybe a tad better, even?

>>5810

> this is a new term, care to enlighten me?

stands for Official Rozen Maiden Thread, a tradition which once began as a counter-measure against malicious multiple creations and deletions of threads. The ones that were signed in one or another way by a trusted person were called official. Aside from necessity, it's rather controversial format, especially when you look at certain "good" imageboards that overdo it hellishly ~desu

Oh, wait, old banners are still here. Right? Right? Or at least some of them, I guess.

>>5810

Indeed. Unfortunately there's still some bugs to fix though, but it's not fatal and not very noticeable at all.

>it makes me happy to see such efforts.

I see. Me too. A shame that the rest of the translators disappeared, including japanese-speaking desufag.

Why not settle here for a while?

>i hope all is going well along with your health

Hehe, except for severe mental illness and a small brain tumor, everything else is more or less alright, I think. Thank you.

>this is a new term

Not even last night's storm could wake you Huh, what? Not really. "Official Rozen Maiden Threads", RMTs, things you have seen on russian /b/ boards, um, no?

>i get where you are coming from

So, err, 4chan? Ah, THAT site... Heh, well, but I can't really see the connection of this "term" with my origin.

>from the western branch

Oh no, not again, please. By The Seven, I still can't figure out when and by whom it was decided that I came from the eastern branch or something? ^ ^

>i missed you guys to say the least.

Same.

>>5814

>>5815

Nope, I just replaced some really poor made things with new ones.

Or, perhaps, I should make some proper banners instead of a bunch of "so randum xD" cropped pictures?..

>>5816

>Official Rozen Maiden Thread

oh ofcourse how could i not figure that one out, we literally -sorta- followed that same tradition during /bant/ forgive my ditzyness. as well as kirafag giving me some deep insight on how things were done on eastern imageboards, during my time following him around before finally becoming settled at .rip.

>translators disappeared, including japanese-speaking desufag.

some are still around, just inactive. our current translation effort consists of a few from the original project and some new blood, very dedicated bunch. its going to be great to finally see rm0 translated after soo long of trial and error.

>Why not settle here for a while?

but ofcourse, being that this board is back, and things seem for the most part back to normal. I no longer need to hop around looking for elsewhere to settle my case.

>>5817

>perhaps, I should make some proper banners

would be nice perhaps even a fresh css, not that i am complaining about the current one, I like it.

>>5818

Ironic, isn't it, eh? Dvach ripped it off from /a/ threads and you copied it from their successors...

>our current translation effort consists of a few from the original project

I know. I hope they're alright, I haven't seen anyone for a long time. I, just, well, you know, haven't been very active the last few years.

>its going to be great to finally see rm0 translated after soo long of trial and error.

Yeah. Do they need some help, I wonder.

>but ofcourse

Yay, okay then. I'm glad! ^ ^

>would be nice perhaps even a fresh css

Hehe, reading my mind, I see. As you may have already noticed, this is just desudesudesuv2, I was recently thinking about rewriting it to something more... Unique. I have a couple dozen styles reworked for this site, but they all don't really fit our board.

Any suggestions, maybe?

BTW, you wanted to tell Delta something, didn't you?

sorry for late response, mind has been in the clouds as of lately.

>>5819

>Ironic, isn't it, eh? Dvach ripped it off from /a/ threads and you copied it from their successors...

its definitely interesting how such traditions tend to be scratching of the backs on both ends, i would think even KC had some reflection during its time.

>I know. I hope they're alright, I haven't seen anyone for a long time. I, just, well, you know, haven't been very active the last few years.

understood, i am sure there may be a few visits from them soon, but as of lately they are around and well.

>Do they need some help, I wonder.

they seem to be doing alright as of now, we currently keep touch via 3rd party, if you are interested i could bring it up and the discussion could be moved here for the sake of convenience.

>I was recently thinking about rewriting it to something more... Unique.

perhaps something suddle, not too loud, but still gives a sense of life to the board. I learned that too much flare can be painful on the eyes, however i just resorted to using muon, its comfy.

>BTW, you wanted to tell Delta something, didn't you?

mainly a greeting, that i am still around. and hopefully all is well. nothing too fancy.

>>5812

hello, feel free to make yourself at home, activity may not be as active however that goes with time and things that need to be done before settling in front of the keyboard, at least that is how i prefer it, a clear mind before visiting.

>/desu/ waiting for lurker irc/shitcord dwellers to "pay a visit"

>>5854

and who might you just be quoting shitposter. not anything on your part but useless posts that do nothing for anything. you can always help by riding into the sunset and not returning.

>>5847

Will reply later, we, um, have a situation.

>>5858

hang in there.

>>5847

Oh, believe me, I understand. Don't worry about that.

>its definitely interesting.

Indeed. Well, nothing special really, just ordinary cancerous chitchat offtopic chain threads, which have always been around and will be, regardless of topic, RM, Eva, DBZ, camwhores, attention seekers, touhou, random, etc.

>understood

Okay. Thank you, I appreciate it,

>discussion could be moved here

Good. Maybe my skills can appear to be useful in some degree. But, you know, only if they are comfortable with that format. Yeah, yeah, but I don't like to talk about that... This topic is as old as the world, I guess.

>perhaps something suddle, not too loud, but still gives a sense of life to the board

Hmm. Perhaps making it a little bit darker, a couple of shades lower or something?

>however i just resorted to using muon

I prefer modified Tomorrow myself.

>mainly a greeting, that i am still around

Well, consider it done, >>5812 was him.

happy holidays

once again sorry for the late response, i wound up being a tad irresponsible with the bottle, and managed to crawl out of bed today to even begin, i really need to work on my substance abuse. just seemed to be one of those days again, it was not bad, just managed to get a bit out of hand to the point i feel like i scorched my insides making it hard to even build up an appetite, it was a good evening though and i hope yours was as well. i will make sure this newyears to be a tad more responsible, being that its been a while since i have angered my body this much. I will get around to responding to >>5861 i just need a bit more rest. As said before, i hope you had a happy holiday.

>>5871

Curiosity got me! What is your favorite drink and type of snack? Because, you know, not everything goes great with, say, vodka. And what is your purpose of drinking, to get intoxicated or? I myself don't like being intoxicated much, for me it's more about the feeling of it warming you up. And, though I don't like to brag because it always spoils the thing, I can feel when I reach my limit. I still get intoxicated if I drink enough, but at least I don't fall off the bats... Also, did you puke?

>>5882

>Curiosity got me!

my apologies, once i find myself in these binges i tend to lose sight of most things, perhaps too much freetime as of lately.

>What is your favorite drink and type of snack? Because, you know, not everything goes great with, say, vodka.

if vodka is in the equation i prefer a recommendation a friend provided. Russian standard. it has a very good taste to where mixing is not as needed, but compliments coffee esc drinks like kahlua. and cream. as for snacks i think my mistake was binging without eating, i felt very weak and my stomach was too recked to try to eat, not very smart on my part, but its times when i find myself in a stupor i lose track of even the simplest things, eating included. i do prefer mixes though like bloody marys i think a snack that compliments such is a combination of crackers sliced cheese and sausage. perhaps it would have been wise to have made such a snack during my binge.

>And what is your purpose of drinking, to get intoxicated

its a habit sadly. and the holidays sort of intensified the urge. it seems this time of year always has me drinking more than usual, perhaps a lack of sun could be the reasoning? who knows. i can hardly com[rehend the things i do to my body at times.

>And, though I don't like to brag because it always spoils the thing, I can feel when I reach my limit.

i feel its a matter of just me being weak minded in all honesty even at the point where i am aware of my limit i tend to push it farther, it just numbs the thoughs and warms me up mentally you can say.

>Also, did you puke?

no unfortunately, perhaps a should have, and maybe it would have dulled the pain i was feeling afterwords, a combination of nausea, exhaustion, and a bit of a fever which led to some heavy dreams. its strange how the mind works under such conditions. very vivid and odd nightmares. aside from a small pain in my side, i feel much better and not drained of energy.

on a side note, how was your christmas?

>>5871

Yeah, yeah... I understand. I got drunk yesterday too, but it was an attempt to drown out the SSRI withdrawal symptoms.

I can wait.

And try using GABA-mimetics to treat hangovers. And it's better to completely replace alcohol with them, I think.

>>5883

For me such practice is just unthinkable. I either drank just a little to relieve tension or ate food. The more so as my appreciation towards culinary grew with alcohol, for example black bread, lard, red pepper and vodka, as stereotypical as it sounds, was the combination that I liked. Without strong drinking, on the other hand, I have no hot feelings for culinary, more often feeling it as bothersome necessity. Well, I once or twice perhaps mixed vodka with cola and didn't eat anything, even though I knew that the fizz will only amplify the effects, but, surprisingly, it wasn't bad.

> its a habit sadly. and the holidays sort of intensified the urge. it seems this time of year

Guess your habit may be of social birth, just like for many?

> i feel its a matter of just me being weak minded in all honesty even at the point where i am aware of my limit

Couldn't blame you since I never experienced being harassed by the green snake myself. I did have a colleague who was like that, and I wonder if he was aware but chose to push on or didn't feel it at all.

> perhaps a lack of sun could be the reasoning?

Does weather impacts your mood, makes you more inclinated towards anxiety and depression?

> on a side note, how was your christmas?

We don't have christmas here, it is so called New Year of 31th instead, this soviet culture remnant. I do not like this holiday for various reasons and right now there aren't people around that I would get participated in with either. Moreover, it seems that this city isn't enthusiastic about it too. Not too long ago I strolled around the city but didn't see any christmas trees, garlands, placards or anything else. There were some plastic trees on the market, but it didn't seem to me like they sold them well. I'm not too familiar with this particular city, but, say, ten years ago I would surely find all this strange. Perhaps, local climate also pays in - there is no ice, no snow, no frost, it is continuous dank gray autumn. Also, TV. Didn't watch TV for years, but back in the days it was always these very same few soviet by-comedic films such as "The Irony of Fate, or Enjoy Your Bath!" or "Office_Romance", reiterated old performances of comedians such as Zadornov and Petrosyan's "distorted mirror" humorist show , animated celebrity parodies, etc, but nothing new. The films themselves are good, but given how TV-men were spinning pitiful amounts of decayed content over and over again, people were already annoyed of them. And that was several years ago. I wonder what do they show now.

No, he won't come ever again.

i hope you guys are ready for the new year, i feel it will he and interesting new decade to say the least.

>>5887

>For me such practice is just unthinkable. I either drank just a little to relieve tension or ate food.

eh, i plan to start things new and sober up a bit more starting this new year. been thinking about it for some time, why not start now.

>Guess your habit may be of social birth, just like for many?

do not really understand, its been an issue for some time. whether it developed socially i would have to say yes, if thats what you were asking.

>Does weather impacts your mood, makes you more inclinated towards anxiety and depression?

yes, where i live the lack of color tends to get to me. and only gets worse during this season, very gray, very gloomy.

>We don't have christmas here, it is so called New Year of 31th instead, this soviet culture remnant.

thats interesting to know.

>there is no ice, no snow, no frost, it is continuous dank gray autumn.

sounds very familiar to here, i feevery gloomy indeed, as well as the very small population, its just a quiet place, and has been like that for years. one day i may leave. but as of now its just something i have to cope with.

>>5897

?

>>5898

It's just... I'm just...

Just...

Nevermind.

>>5899

if its not my place to know, no worries, i will not pry.

>>5898

> i feel it will he and interesting new decade to say the least.

Why is that? Well, unless it's related to personal matters.

> if thats what you were asking.

Yes. Do I speak weird?

> yes, where i live the lack of color tends to get to me. and only gets worse during this season, very gray, very gloomy.

IKTF. It was especially true in the past. Nowadays I do not care about weather as much as I did back then, though abundance of light still makes it hard for me to concentrate on things.

> sounds very familiar to here, i feevery gloomy indeed

I myself don't complain because it's rather fitting to my tastes. What I really dislike is downtrodden snow with dog poop, green spit and gray ash under bright sun.

> as well as the very small population, its just a quiet place, and has been like that for years. one day i may leave. but as of now its just something i have to cope with.

And many people want to leave their big cities to live in some quiet province. You may really need to experience live in a more populated and lively place or you may simply want to change your surrounding. Either way, being trapped in the same place indeed might feel terrible from time to time. Or do you perhaps want to change your conditions on a lesser, more personal scale, such as removal of encumbering furniture and change of view from the window or getting rid of people you are living with? Sometimes we are discontent with personal affairs and project these feelings onto surroundings as well.

>>5900

It's not that... I'm...

Just nevermind me, okay?..

I'm sorry.

I'd like to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. The upcoming decade does not appear to be comfy, but I have a lot of plans to gain the most from it, and I really hope that you all aim for the same.

>>5883

>on a side note, how was your christmas?

We do celebrate Christmas in Ukraine, but it is being celebrated mostly at 6th of January in Orthodox culture. However, things are slowly creeping to the West, 25th is recognized as the public holiday now, and I personally had a small family Christmas supper at 25th.

The most peaked celebrations happens at 31th of December, though.

Those were some real fireworks! Lots of them, really loud, bright and diverse, throughout city, it really sounded as if fierce war suddenly broke out. So many people went outside of their houses too. I mean, it's all normal thing, but it wasn't anything so impressive like that in the past new year. Even though there are no decorations nor any other arrangements in the city, people themselves still celebrate it.

>>5908

Thank you! You have a fulfilling year, too. There is a lot to be done this year indeed.

>>5908

Merikuri...

Happy new year everyone.

>>5901

>Why is that? Well, unless it's related to personal matters.

nothing very personal, just new developments in tech, changes on the internet -which concerns me the most-, i have a gut feeling it will be a decade of great change, cant put my finger on it or express it. just a feeling.

>Do I speak weird?

not at all, no worries. i can be a bit of a ditz at times.

>I myself don't complain because it's rather fitting to my tastes

fortunate, it tends to make me feel gloomy. this season is almost over though, more color, warmer weather.

>Or do you perhaps want to change your conditions on a lesser, more personal scale

that would probably be the case. just a want for something different, some kind of change. perhaps current living is growing stale, i dont know perhaps now that i am following my new years resolution, and sobering up i can figure something out with a clearer mind.

>>5902

no worries, hope you have a happy new year.

>>5908

kirafag! its good to see you, i missed you believe it or not, its nice to see you again. sorry for going ghost for soo long. things have been complicated.

>The upcoming decade does not appear to be comfy, but I have a lot of plans to gain the most from it

i only hope for the best, this year will be the year of change and becoming better and stronger. Stagnation has been getting to me and the want for change has only been growing. this will be a rough start, but i have to do something its all my heart tells me, i feel this is the time to act on it. Will we be seeing more of you?

>>5910

>Every decade is different indeed.

i only hope for the best possible difference. especially the closer upcoming years.

>>5916

Merikuri.

>>5916

>new developments in tech,

That's quite improbable unfortunately.

We are already using lithium-based rechargeable batteries, it is the lightest solid-state element with the highest negative ionic potential among of all metals, the only non-nuclear energy storage that could beat that is to create and artificial digesting system to extract the energy from the ordinary food processing, but I doubt it is possible to do such thing without supplanting it with the rest parts of living creature...

We are stuck with the processing power as well, the CMOS silicon ICs is the only CPU technology that has zero power consumption for the parts that are not switching at the moment. There are many multi-GHz CMOS transistors alternatives, but none of them could offer billions of idle transistors on a single chip due to the overheating issues.

Multi-chip designs overcome the overheating issues, but they are constrained with the speed of light (the clock signal propagates with the speed of 5" per nanosecond, For 10GHz switching speed we will miss a clock cycle if the clock source is farther that 1/2" thus making impossible any multi-chip CPU designs at that large speed)

We are also stuck with the RAM size and CPU complexity, 7nm feature size means that the distinctive semiconductor areas are comprised within only 70 pcs of silicon atoms layers. There is simply no room for fine tuning, as we may add only 1/70, 2/70, etc steps doping element concentrations, thus making semiconductor manufacturing increasingly more inflexible. Not to mention that the smaller the feature size requires even more clean chemicals, ultra stable buildings free from any vibrations, expensive equipment etc.

We are not commuting faster and are not gaining larger apartments per $, after all.

There are many things that could be achieved with deep learning, computer vision etc., but honestly, I can't treat most of that innovations as a real advancements if they could be simply achieved with the plain human servants or slaves millenniums ago.

We are stuck reinventing the functionally same things instead of a real advancements beyond our existing nature, and I'm afraid, only things like a new wold wide warfare could push it further.

On the positive side, however, even the current state of the technology is far far more advanced than the capabilities to understand and use it for the needs of the average person, and that feels to be even more challenging to overcome.

>things have been complicated.

Same here, working for the pacific time zone based customer messed up my daily schedule, I'm lacking time for many activities I've used to had.

I need to stick with it for a year and a half, then I'll be eligible for a permanent relocation on-site and I'm going to use that opportunity.

>Will we be seeing more of you?

I can visit /desu occasionally, but honestly, I don't feel I belong here.

Maidens and the related memes are generally praised on the western boards and can be occasionally met anywhere, while on many russian chans they are generally hated by anons or even banned on sight and are forced to be literally cancerous formations at /b due to historical reasons.

https://youtu.be/zmKUP1ezLKo

The BO is 4chan's ancientfag and he is pretty much convenient with the western visions and memes, while I came to the chans at the time when the most rm-related activities were closed for the new members. I was drawn to one of them by some physics discussion but it was ultimately b&dalld just a few hours later, while all other places were flooded with the shitstorms and dramas.

I've never intended to lead any community and never pretend to be the last word of how to treat RM fandom or to be part of something official. I was just too weak to stand aside and not to try to disrupt the fake self-deleting threads wipe with the first thing that came up to my mind, and many posters trusted me to lead the threads chain further, and I try to do my best to avoid the things that was destructive for the similar communities in the past.

It's pretty hard to leave all observations and memories at the door and abstain from attempts to correct the things that feels to be harmful in future here, so I think it's better to not challenge that feels with frequent visits. I do hope this community would exist and prosper on it's own, though, and the release of the 16th and 17th Floors translations may lead to a new small spike of the rm fans.

I really wonder...

And don't you dare to tell me later that this board is dead and all that shit.

Fucking bullshit.

>>5922

that is quite a powerful understanding of such things, wish i had enough insight to even begin to comprehend it.

>I'm lacking time for many activities I've used to had.

sorry to hear that, i can relate in a way, but things are getting better. I have done a good job soo far keeping my head clear, which somehow fixed my sleeping patterns, at the same time there is no numbing stresses so that is one flaw, but oh well what can i do.

>I need to stick with it for a year and a half, then I'll be eligible for a permanent relocation on-site and I'm going to use that opportunity.

will it be much better than your current living?

>I can visit /desu occasionally, but honestly, I don't feel I belong here.

a visit every now and then would be nice, i have not came around to visit you lately, i feel bad about that at times.

>I do hope this community would exist and prosper on it's own, though, and the release of the 16th and 17th Floors translations may lead to a new small spike of the rm fans.

I hope for the same, translations are almost finished. some cleaning and typesetting is all that is left, though attracting the imageboard demographic may not be as easy. but only time will tell.

I hope to hear from you again kira.

>>5959

far from dead.

>>5962

Good, good.

Still waiting for >>5861 and >>5884

And again how are you?

>>5922

Enough of that. Let's forget this stupid misunderstanding of ours. Please.

why hello there desuturds. Is this a super sekrit club of /bant/ers?

>>5973

Hello-hello there, fellow Yuukafag! Yay, yuuyuu ~ desu

>Is this a super sekrit club of /bant/ers?

Nope, not even close, hehehe. Perhaps, you should read the sticky one more time?

Well, so far this is just a little home for a couple of desurozenfags, but it's always nice to see new faces, as they say. Especially Yuukas!

Hmph!..

Don't worry...

be...

ha-ppy...

>>5963

>Still waiting

hopefully soon, hope all is well, this month has been a busy one, but overall a good one. On a side not sobriety has helped on a few levels, seems coffee curves my cravings to indulge in a drink.

>>5973

>Is this a super sekrit club of /bant/ers?

no, /bant/ was a thread populated by other sites posters and crossboarders, that i know of there are only two that spawned from those threads native to /bant/ and they are not here.

>>5981

hope all is well kirafag.

lets play nice now, its not my place to say anything but it would be nice to bury the hatchet. there is still some guilt i hold because most of this was infact my fault.

>>5983

Mmhm. I've been better, I guess. Consider trying benzos instead, though.

Nope, not your fault at all, but mine. Mine and only mine.

>>5962

> wish i had enough insight to even begin to comprehend it.

Well, I believe the apartments cost and commute time are concise enough even without deep understanding of science.

Things are not so pessimistic actually, there are no flying cars or teleports, but there are many not so obvious things that makes our lives much more comfy or give us an opportunity to have fun with previously unobtanium things, like ordering a custom industrial-grade PCB's.

There was an article in Soviet ham radio journal at 1974 with the jokes about future of amateur radio and communication technologies:

-- by 1999 all transceivers would contain embedded computers for the signal processing and the future amateurs would share the algorithms like they are sharing electronic schematic and there was even prediction that the size of the algorithms would outgrow printed media capabilities. Confirmed, we are extensively using DSP algorithms and digital signals.

-- by 1999 short waves (>10m, less than 30MHz) would be abandoned by broadcasters and would be given to amateurs. Well, AM radios are abandoned in many countries like Russia indeed and are being phasing out all over the globe, the Chinese, DPRK's and alike foreign-destined broadcasts are the exceptions.

-- by 1999 UHF waves would be a commonplace. Confirmed, satellite TV receivers with 12GHz dishes were ubiquitous since 90s.

-- by 2024 there would be a new power sources that would allow us to perform an amateur communications from everywhere, even while in commute, and distributed re-transmitters network would make the establishing the communications with the respondents all over the glove the elementary school grade fun. Confirmed as fuck!

Sadly there are no further updates from the same engineers.

> I have done a good job soo far keeping my head clear, which somehow fixed my sleeping patterns

That is a thing that I'd like to change, the alternating wake up times due to customer's schedule makes is very challenging to sleep well.

> will it be much better than your current living?

The programmers and sailors are the only two viable job options in Ukraine to do something legal and profitable, unfortunately. The things are too unstable due to the politics and even while I'm earing a good money now, I cannot assure that I'll have the job options for the next decades or that I can give some opportunities for my children, so I'm going to relocate to some more stable country, and the US seems to be stable enough, welcome for foreigners and seems to be resistant enough to the ideas that had destroyed soviet union in the past.

It depends on the actual customer it's location and local policies. Long term, I dream to left off the programming and enter something more scientific or engineering related, something like SpaceX or Boston Dynamics.

> i have not came around to visit you lately, i feel bad about that at times.

You don't have to feel sorry for that, I perfectly understand that the language barrier and chanspeak are big communication issues. There is also a large spike of rozenfags refugees from 2ch.hk that were temporarily allowed for holidays and then mass banned and there are dozens of a new posters at 2ch.rip now and it is quite hard to track the thread even within the same language at that speed.

> though attracting the imageboard demographic may not be as easy. but only time will tell.

Well, all major russian communities have received the notifications about the new translations upcoming, I hope they won't stuck for another year.

There was a year long gap between Spanish and English/Russian versions at the 2015 and I'd like to read the rm tales ending so much that I've crudely translated the last 5-6 chapters from Spanish by myself, though it had messed up my understanding a bit.

> I hope to hear from you again kira.

Honestly, I've been quite busy and overwhelmed with russian chans activities, but I've been triggered to come here at 2ch.rip now and to start analyzing others feels one again.

>>5981

I'm happy, though I'm tired from a poor sleep.

I feel you are thinking that there is some kind of misunderstanding that must be fixed, to I'm to return to actively posting here and that sole effort should be enough to make /desu great again, aren't you?

I'm not in a proper condition to make some summaries or advice anything, it's early morning here, but I'd like you to note that the same type of... inconvenience, same feel of being encumbered to start the conversation first while wanting to do so, same type of searching for a vital forces for discussions and the same feels that someone alien like me can push the speech forward were expressed by /bant-ers long before any "misunderstandings": >>4303

That "misunderstanding" is a consequence, not a cause, it's not something that could be just pushed harder to overcome and just making more posts won't be helpful.

https://youtu.be/VZHej5MEYFw

I just wanted to apologize. And forget everything. So we can be friends again. So that everything will be alright again, the way it was. While there is still some time before my death.

That's all.

Baka.

>>5986

У меня нет к тебе претензий и тебе не за что извиняться. И если честно, я не горю желанием копаться в чужих мыслях, в особености после почти годового перерыва, но раз ты этого хочешь...

>And forget everything

Не получится, так как

>everything will be alright again, the way it was

Нужно четко уточнить, на какой именно момент времени.

Как на иначе конца 2014?

Как при попытке переезда на 8чан на 8-е марта 2015?

Как сразу после переезда на пихач?

Как в /f пихача?

Как в /fm инчорга?

Как после пропадания прошлого борд овнера?

Как после того как им стал ты?

Как после появления дельты?

Как после уединения с дельтой?

Как после моего ухода?

Как после твоей попытки ухода весной?

Как в начале текущего треда?

>be friends

Что стало с дельтой?

Что стало с /fm инчорга?

С другим десуфагом с тульпой?

С прошлым борд овнером?

С Лейной?

Со всеми теми бывшими ранее кого я не знаю?

Поскольку я не замечал волны жалоб или ненависти на тебя, то похоже ты сам их дропал, или активность тихо угасала в замкнутом объеме.

И если не списывать все на череду психозов каждый раз, единственное рациональное объяснение всему вышеперечисленному, что ты не только сейчас

>there is still some time before my death.

но и в каждый момент времени прошлого ожидаешь что умрешь до того как прошлый человек/сообщество себя исчерпают, что выражается во всех этих желаниях дожить последние моменты с кем-то выцепленным в уединенной обстановке, а так же не способность на самом деле кого-либо любить. К последнему очевидно добавляется еще и то, что твое сердце уже надежно занято.

У меня противоположное отношение к жизни - даже если бы мне оставалось жить считанные недели, мне хотелось бы что-то после себя оставить, материального, памяти, чего-нибудь, чтобы если кто-то за пределами материалистической реальности существует, чтобы было что предъявить им как итог своего копчения неба.

И RM для меня тайтл о борьбе за место в мире и совершествовании, и в идеале мне хотелось бы видеть вокруг тех, кого зацепило в нем именно это, а не тупые форсы или ореол элитизма былых куклочанов. И Кира мне нравится именно за то что она единственная пыталась строить мир лучше чем он есть, несмотря на все стартовые лишения, неудачи, количества случайных жертв и полное одиночество, а так же за то что несмотря ни на что не озлобилась и не выпилила всех, хотя имела такую возможность.

Я не знаю, что с этим всем делать.

https://youtu.be/nfj_4aO3a-A

>>5989

Дурак ты просто. Извини за эти слова, но ты и правда просто самый настоящий дурак.

>в каждый момент времени прошлого ожидаешь что умрешь

А нет у меня сейчас выбора, умирать или не умирать, если ты не заметил. Какое у тебя интересное рациональное объяснение получилось, практически без вводных данных. Тринадцать лет по всей Сети за мной следил и находился рядом, наверное. И то, даже те, тобой перечисленные, оставили меня, а не я их. Все, кроме Дельты.

>не способность на самом деле кого-либо любить

Именно. Вот только не у меня, а у тебя. Поэтому ты так ничего и не понял. Не понимаешь сейчас. И вряд ли уже поймёшь. Кирафаг-материалист.

>тупые форсы или ореол элитизма былых куклочанов

А ведь на самом деле как раз именно за это ты в самом начале и зацепился, сколько же раз ты сам эту историю всем пересказывал. И, видимо, именно это и продолжает держать тебя в твоём треде-приложению к конференции вконтакте, в котором все друг друга практически по именам знают и вообще не имеют никакого отношения к RM, кроме аватарок и того, что смотрели.

Иронично.

Просто не суждено значит, наверное. Спасибо тебе за всё. Всё-всё. Правда.

Прощай.

>>5990

>А нет у меня сейчас выбора, умирать или не умирать, если ты не заметил

Этого выбора нет ни у кого, зато у всех есть выбор, как к этому относиться.

>спойлер

С пихача ты ушел сам. С инчорговскими тоже начал прощаться сам, раз они даже пришли спрашивать как у тебя обстоят дела.

Про остальных скорее личные ощущения, да, но я не замечал, чтобы тебя кто-то вдруг начал не любить.

>Поэтому ты так ничего и не понял. Не понимаешь сейчас. И вряд ли уже поймёшь.

Мне просто хватило одного раза в далеком прошлом, чтобы больше никогда не снижать дистанцию ближе чем позволяет формат борды, как бы не хотелось иногда. Не с кем-либо из сети.

Это не непонимание. Циничное отношение сложено из не одного десятка историй, вида, сошлись в личках, сошлись ирл, жили друг другом, а потом все стухло или даже разразилось ревностью к более свежим и веселым знакомым в сети, и количеством порождаемых их "плодами любви" проблем мне, в частности, когда пара таких врагов начинают перетягивать меня между своими сторонами.

После таких случаев не то что самому участвовать в подобном, но даже видеть развитие событий не хочется, чтобы не множить печалей и разочарования в людях.

>на самом деле как раз именно за это ты в самом начале и зацепился

В самом начале, за собственно просмотр РМ - да. А потом прошло полгода, прежде чем я заметил что там бывают и близкие по духу люди, и сами эти треды я обходил стороной, как впрочем и любые другие, сидя исключительно в ридонли.

Ты знаешь более, кхм, непорочные, примеры изначальных зацеплений?

>в твоём треде-приложению к конференции вконтакте, в котором все друг друга практически по именам знают

Ок, допустим.

Оно таким было и год, и два, и пять лет назад. И таким же было и здесь, около времени как ты стал борд овнером.

О каких таких тогда временах

>everything will be alright again, the way it was

идет речь, если ты считаешь этот формат неправильным? Я с тобой вместе ни в каких других не участвовал.

>вообще не имеют никакого отношения к RM

Я не видел на бордах тех, кому Peach-Pit давали согласие на производные работы. Даже переводы тейлов и RM0, и те по существу являются пиратством.

А любое другое "отношение к RM" является консенсусом в головах конкретной мелкой группки людей его разделяющего.

Считать что только у тебя оно правильное и называется элитизмом.

>треде-приложению к конференции вконтакте

Конфобляди уже не те.

>>5995

Не-а. Я даже сайтом-то этим не пользуюсь.

"Тут" вообще никаких "конф" нет и не было, если не считать времён до нас, когда тут Дэсуня бордовнером был, наверное. Здесь вообще чёрт-те что творилось тогда...

У нас с Дельтой только ситуб на случай падений есть, все знают.

>>5998

Естественно, ФИО, адрес и паспорта на аватарах.

Ещё чего.

>>6003

CSS же ведь.

Don't mind them, my fellow. ~desu

>>5991

will reply to the rest once hands are free, there was word the there are some higher quality raws from the russian translators, was wondering if you had any contact with them, english translators were wondering if the cleans can be obtained.

>>6030

Well, I know their team, though I don't like to cross the chans and other communities off the chans without a reason, so I don't watch their progress constantly.

They are using the Amazon Kindle rip-offs unfortunately, they didn't succeed with obtaining a hard copies, but they are looking forward to order them.

Currently they are focused on the translation past the 18th floor itself and are going to apply the scripts later if there will be higher quality raws, and the kindle's ripoffs would be used as a backup.

The BO openly blames the russian rm communities as well as the desüchan for various reasons that are equally applicable to /desu.

He came to .rip and blamed anons there for the lack of the OC at russian chans and my low efforts to sort and upload 120000+ images to rm.booru.org, then apologized and called me here a couple weeks ago to discuss the matter. But he doesn't want to do so, he wants me to unconditionally forget everything without even listening to my feels, and my tries to discuss the matter have splashed into another blames to my community and me personally for not understanding the concept of love at all.

That's not going to be constructive, and I believe I should not ever came here again. If you ever want to reach me, you may do so at 2ch.rip

Liar.

>>6101

all is well, sick. but doing okay. These last few weeks have been interesting, a lot happening and its grown hard to keep track of it all, however it is a necessity to try, both off and online, since the lockdown i have been wandering and was lucky to find epsilon. i hope things will be better, may take time. hopefully everything will be alright. how is the covid-19 situation in your area, i have been curious.

>>6102

I AM epsilon /0

but it's alright, it happens. a lot more frequent with you though, hehe, but it's okay.

>>6103

i can be a bit of a doofus, its all soo confusing at times. one day i will be used to it.

Well congratulations, you got your board back. Now what's the next step of your master plan?

>>6105

hmmmmm,,,

pic related

>>6106

Nuff said...

Then do what you want, but leave me alone.

>>6107

alright, alright...

thank you.

>>6107

yes, thankyou. Also, good to see you again.

beta/gamma? eta? theta? notdesu? heartdesu? shinkufag? anyone...

hey, maybe we can help you with your booru?

>>6111

dont worry, perhaps in time others will show,for now lets just be happy we are not wandering anymore. Things will get better, all in time.

is good to breathe in here again

agreed

Just as I thought.

>>6133

that being?

>>6134

Silence and inactivity, obviously.

sigh

Is the updated CSS better, or should I reverse it back?

>>6135

>Silence and inactivity, obviously.

it happends, sorry i havent been around. just sick, been hitting the bottle a little too hard. I really need to get myself together.

>Is the updated CSS better, or should I reverse it back?

the newer CSS was really nice on the eyes, however the animation was nauseating. Not you would add that i am sure.

>>6136

>however the animation was nauseating

That was the point. But I was talking about current updated version. These silly buttons, nice cleaning up and placing, I guess, not anymore completely fucked up QR... And all these minor things. Well, you can see it all for yourself, I think.

>been hitting the bottle a little too hard.

Same shit. But a little bit worse, I guess. You know, alcohol, benzos, GABA-mimetics, analgesics, and dramamine is a hellout of a cocktail, not even counting paroxetine withdrawal syndrome straight from the ninth circle of hell.

And the damn smell of bleach and disinfectants from outside. Almost 24/7 in the gas mask or venting.

We barely went outside for... Six months, I guess? Well, another six months or a year will pass very fast and barely noticeably, I guess. I'm not afraid to die, you know, I'm already a dead man. We're much more likely to die from our tumor, heart attack, drug poisoning, or suicide, despite how rapidly the virus spreads and mutates.

To be really honest, I was always ready for something like this, I waited for it, I begged for it from the Seven and Nyaruko, spilling my own blood and destroying poor empty souls of others. To change something. So that at least something in this dreamworld will change. And finally... My wish began to come true, as I had been told in my dream. At least some heretics will be punished and purged, hee.

This fucking dream full of pain and suffering, and rust, rotting concrete, blood, eyes and mannequin-like creatures everywhere, that never ends. With a single green ray of light in this inferno.

But maybe it isn't such a bad dream, if it ends after the first time...

I'm so terribly sorry about all this shit, I think that I drank a little too much.

But no matter how much I drink, I always stay almost sober, damn this SSRI induced apathy syndrome...

By the way, you still haven't responded to my post, but it's probably not relevant anymore, I guess.

Time for some sleep, I guess...

>>6137

>And the damn smell of bleach and disinfectants from outside. Almost 24/7 in the gas mask or venting.

I was actually curious about the current situation out there, seems like we are currently in a mad world, and it get increasingly crazier by the day. I myself have been staying in, in time it will find me, for now I am just riding it out. soon it will be here, very soon.

>I guess. I'm not afraid to die, you know, I'm already a dead man.

in a sense we all are, i feel if i dont straighten up i will end up hurting myself from the inside, even now I feel very weak, constantly falling asleep and waking up from fever dreams, even as i am typing this i keep nodding off. Something needs to change, however looking at the current situation i cannot help but numb the thoughts away, even if i am poisoning myself.

>I'm so terribly sorry about all this shit, I think that I drank a little too much.

not a problem, its okay to vent your frustrations, there are times I cant even articulate some of the misery i feel, my situation is not nearly as bad as yours, I just question why do these things happen, and being cursed with really bad paranoia, and a slight schizoid does not help my case, i feel its harmful to others, even if its a goal of mine to reach out to people and help them. Perhaps to learn from my mistakes that lead me to the mental state i am in today, its all just soo tiresome, but i will keep pushing.

>>6139

hang in there friend.

>>6141

>By the way, you still haven't responded to my post, but it's probably not relevant anymore, I guess.

i may have missed it, what was it by any chance?

>>6142

sleep well.

>>6143

Not so good, as it seems to me, despite the official info and numbers. Well, heck, if you think about it, even according to them situation not seems to be very fortunate there.

This city was closed for quarantine 3 days ago until the very end of this month, but I am sure that they will extend it even more in time. There's already ~10 officialy confirmed cases and thousands of people who could contact them in isolation. For violation of the quarantine and distancing, you are being turned back home with an escort, or get fined with the equivalent of a whole month's salary, as I understood it.

Outside passing by lonely people wear surgical masks, respirators, gas masks, and DIY multi-layer gauze masks, and some have safety glasses. I wonder where they get their surgical masks and respirators, because in this city at the beginning of last month some speculators bought all the damn masks, even the warehouses for them are still empty. Hell, even doctors buy panoramic GP9/PPM-88 gas masks from a weapon/equipment trading "friend" of mine, because they don't have masks, it's fucking ridiculous. And I haven't heard of this happening in other cities. I wouldn't even be surprised if all these masks actually flew to Italy or the US a long time ago for Trump to say that "it's very nice of us" or something like that. But most likely they were simply stolen to Kazakhstan. No, really, no joke. Damn you, sneaky and evil Borat! City with over a million. It's absolutely ridiculous and funny. And scary at the same time, I guess. But some people still get them from somewhere, interesting... Some way back from Kazakhstan, perhaps?

Eh. That's enough of me talking about that, I guess. Masks-shmasks, fuck it, I have a ton of gas masks, especially my favorite beloved customized PMK-2.

Vader's breathing sounds

>we are currently in a mad world, and it get increasingly crazier by the day.

Indeed, indeed...

>even as i am typing this i keep nodding off.

Me too. The bonus problem is that I simply can't sleep without pumping up my GABAergic system with elephant doses of benzodiazepines and ethanol or just barbiturates, but I don't need them since I have a shitton of benzodiazepine reserves, and reducing muscle tone and thought processes by clashing nicotine (n-cholinomimetic, duh) and anticholinergic. It works somehow.

>Something needs to change

Consider trying baclofen. Take it in small doses everyday, 5-15 mg, and it will cure alcohol addiction, I guarantee it. Look for Ozobax in drugstore, or, less likely, Lioresal, Kemstro, Liofen and Gablofen. But don't try to mix it with alcohol or benzos, or you will experience a lot of new unusual feelings and see such sights...

pinhead.jpg

But we don't really want that, right? Right, we just want to stop drinking. shakes finger

>its okay to vent your frustrations

I know, I know... But you know that Sui and I are going through all this together, and I don't want to throw my filth, hatred and rust on Delta, he's sad enough without it. I don't talk to anyone else at all. And I just have no one to talk to. And don't really want to. Well, except you at the moment, I guess...

>but i will keep pushing.

I'm glad.

>i may have missed it, what was it by any chance?

→ >>5861

But as I said, it's probably not relevant anymore.

♫ hums something ♫

>>6144

>This city was closed for quarantine 3 days ago until the very end of this month, but I am sure that they will extend it even more in time.

I agree, including here where most are concerned on trying to keep the economy afloat, which will only lead to more infections/reinfections. I have been staying in, supplied myself well enough to stay but til there is some sort of resolution, even then i do not see one in the near future, a shame. However there is nothing that can be dont and it will be a while before any results arrive.

>For violation of the quarantine and distancing, you are being turned back home with an escort, or get fined with the equivalent of a whole month's salary, as I understood it.

that is quite harsh, however to instill the seriousness of all this these measures may be necessary. most are not taking this seriously only because it has not reached that level in that sort of scale yet, and it will and may as well blame themselves as soul contributors.

>Eh. That's enough of me talking about that, I guess. Masks-shmasks, fuck it, I have a ton of gas masks, especially my favorite beloved customized PMK-2. Vader's breathing sounds

would be nice to have something as such in my possesion, i guess my stock on p-100's will have to do. they are for emergency shopping anyway. what can one do.

>Consider trying baclofen. Take it in small doses everyday, 5-15 mg, and it will cure alcohol addiction, I guarantee it.

would this perhaps, just be one hight to replace another?

>But we don't really want that, right? Right, we just want to stop drinking.

indeed, the cleanest route if possible. one day i will have the strength whether it be from continuous episodes of shaking and aches from binges, or actual alcohol poisoning. there will be a wakeup call eventually.

>Sui and I are going through all this together, and I don't want to throw my filth, hatred and rust on Delta, he's sad enough without it.

understood, i cannot argue with that.

>>5861

>Hmm. Perhaps making it a little bit darker, a couple of shades lower or something?

yeah something easier on the eyes, i prefer css much like muon, however something that dark would not match well. who knows, perhaps a test of something in that manner can yield good aesthetic results, up to you.

sorry for the delay, i seemed to have found myself in the same position as a few days ago, how foolish i can be at times.

Sorry, but your friend cannot reply to your post right now, but he definitely will, just wait, okay? Great!

And of course, it's very nice to meet you, but, aha, let's just say that I can't talk to you at the moment. Maybe next time! Bye-bye!

knowing you will not reply, is he okay? also nice to meet you too.

epsilon, you there?

It's been too long ~desu

>>5897

Wrong ~desu

and you are? not to be rude just curious.

An old desufag whose been gone for far, far, far too long. ~desu

Ah. I see.

You won't hurt him. We won't let you do this.

We're warning you. Or we'll make him forget you for good.

We'll be watching you, desufag.

>>6157

I am sorry I took so long

>>6158

no hurt, no more sadness now.

Are you still there brother? I would ask how you are but I know it is not well. Are you at least safe during this pandemic?

>>6160

he is away, been a couple days now, not sure what is going on, but it was assured he will return.

>>6161

Return... feels like such a strange word to describe him, as for me he is always there, even if he is very distant, and even if I am very distant.

Though I've certainly been distant for far too long.

I hope he will come talk to me, but I can't blame him for being mad at me either.

Not even going to ask me where I've been or why I've been gone so long?....

and what happened to the white rabbits? they seem to be missing? are they broken?

Alright then, for now I need sleep. Oyasumi, ~desu

Im between naps, but forgot to mention the boards looking very nice, the css is nice and clean, and its been kept nice and safe and well maintained it seems ~desu

For once I feel rested, and of course thats when I feel a sore throat. I should have rubbed vics rub on my chest last night.

can you believe it is snowing here? It's almost silly, One doesn't think of snow when one envisions a plague.

~desu

are you really going to watch and not talk to me desu ka?

>>6158

>make him forget you for good

Why didnt you already?

Are you, perhaps, not a former BO desu ka~ I mean, such a long time passed, that's a bit sudden, care to relate what it's been like?

I'm sorry. I'm really tired. It's all so sudden, and so many questions... It's hard for me to talk right now. And I don't want to hurt you.

Sorry about the Twins, they're just trying to protect what's left of mine.

For now, maybe it's better to talk to Delta. Same goes for you, Gintofag.

Don't worry. I'm... Fine, I guess. In a way. I just need some time.

I'll better do the "castling move" again for now. See you...

>>6170

No it is definitely me. I have been trapped by rl commitments for a long time. I am not even sure how long its been since I was here, it feels like a blur. I lost my comfortable corporate office job I liked a whole lot, failure hurt me in a strong way, I became suicidal and wanted to throw myself off a parking lot for some time. I have been... slowly working back to stability. My energy for desuposting has been like a dim pilot light, it is always there, never turning off, ready to explode into flames when introduce to more gas, but by itself dim, small, and weak, while I focused most of myself on clawing my way back to some sense of normalcy and keeping a roof over my head and bills paid. I know my constant coming and going was no good, and painful, so I have been a ghost to everyone everywhere. I do not talk in discords or ircs, even in rozen discords I have to be dragged in and reminded to help with scanslation projects. The only places I've been is rl and that hellsite twitter where I can vent my frustrations and anger out, like pissing into an ocean of piss.

>>6171

It's okay, I am sorry for arriving so suddenly. It is okay, as all the questions you want, and its okay if you are a little upset at me too, I have been gone a really long time.

>Sorry about the Twins, they're just trying to protect what's left of mine.

I cannot blame them

>Don't worry. I'm... Fine, I guess. In a way. I just need some time.

I am just glad you are there, take your time.

>>6172

*pats your head*

>>6173

castling?

>>6174

>castling?

>>6175

Ah, I see, I think.

I don't think you need to worry about hurting me by the way. I've been waiting until I had energy to come back for a reason. Things have been difficult, but they are well now

It's funny, the plague you spoke of wishing for to happen has given me more stability than even before

How do you all do? Hope you're safe and not ill.

>>6178

Ironically this has all caused my life more stability not less. I volunteered to work from home and am now making more money than I was before. I was prepared with supplies before this all start, so I am having an easy time of all this. Im finally no longer fighting to keep insurance, to pay rent, etc. It's pretty nice, corona-chan is doing me major favors here.

I'm actually going to be sewing masks to donate tomorrow even.

>>6180

>woah... "the appearance of Christ before the people", huh?

If only it weren't that complicated and dramatic.

Wish me luck, going to sleep then driving across the city to volunteer making masks for coworkers still working in stores. My sewing lessons are coming in handy.

>>6181

good luck. sweet dreams.

and try not to fuck up with alpha again, omega.

>>6170

how are you? how is our friend feeling? take care of him... them. I don't really want that board to be locked again because of some shit crap. and no, I don't mean to be that selfish, this is just my function in this place. just like yours, or his, or theirs, and theirs, y'know right, but a bit different. I really hope you will understand.

and big thanks to you too. the biggest thanks!

oh shit holy fricken forks we top trending nao--

aw. too late... nevermind lol

>>6174

Oh, good. I mean, you made it alive and will up to this day, unlike some other... IKTF, but yes, human beings are as tenacious and self-recovering as they are fickle and sensitive. You should be proud about it, at least a little bit.

But I wonder... Don't get me wrong, I'm not having any childish thoughts, just... curious. This whole confluence is not an everyday occurence nor some humdrum, you see. What do you... What do you feel, can you, please, tell about it? What kind of motivation do you feel? There is something that we want to have, deep in our hearts, and how much in us may happen, even we ourselves may not know, isn't that right?

>>6175

Whoah, a movie befitting of a king.

>>6179

Good to be you, I guess. Are you living alone right now? If so, then I somewhat envy. As for sewing masks... Hmm. Guess this may do for a leisure change. Anyway, I've had enough inconveniences because of this whole virus thing already. People around me aren't helpful at maintaining quarantine nor are anybody else on the outside. Can't NOT get out for more than half a week, can't store food in vain hopes that it will be expended reasonably, can't avoid all the people that wear surgical masks like some magical protective amulets and refuse to stay home, can't help it all. And I almost had to fight over medical alcohol that I bought, for disinfection purposes and not for drinking it all, too. What quarantine, it only made misc shops closed down, and that's all there is to it. Call me a grumbler, but these are the things...

>>6178

>>6183

If you are curious. My sleep isn't getting better, and I've had to cut my time spent outside dramatically, which did not do any good to my well being either. Hence, any lack of desire for socialization. Sorry about that. But overall I must be OK, I guess.

> spoiler

You're welcome. As long as you care.

Now, if you excuse this sleepy zombie me... %%How did I manage to write so much.%%

>>6148

Indeed...

>most are not taking this seriously only because it has not reached that level in that sort of scale yet

Yes. But it will. It will...

>i guess my stock on p-100's will have to do.

Don't forget about eye protection.

>would this perhaps, just be one hight to replace another?

Nope. If you won't start building up the dose, prolong the regimen and dragging it to physical addiction without a smooth descent, of course.

>something easier on the eyes

I'll see what I can do.

>how foolish i can be at times.

Not as foolish as me. Not even close.

>>6160

You already know everything, I guess. Yes, the pandemic probably won't hurt me. It shouldn't. Until I completely lose my caution, vigilance, ruthlessness, and... Sanity. Well, I hope that this won't happen any time soon. I really hope.

>>6164

I don't know. I didn't notice they were broken until you told me.

>>6167

Thank you...

>>6168

Are you sick?..

I hope that winter will come quickly for us. And I hope I'll be still alive to see it.

holds aching head between hands

So They can see it. And touch the snow one more time...

>>6177

Okay, I'll try not to worry about that then.

A reason, huh...

>second spoiler

I'm glad.

>>6163

Okay. So be it. I'll ask you.

Well, now I know where you've been. >>6174 So, yeah.

But some things remain unclear to me.

Why you've been gone so long?

Why did you return? Are you unhappy with your... RL? From the outside perspective, it seems that this is not the case at all. So why did you return?

Why this board? Nevermind, I can understand that.

Why we? Why me?

Are you implying that I still mean anything to you? Is that what you're trying to say? But why? For some reason I haven't felt this way way back when I was traded for someone else and abandoned.

Are you trying to awaken a long-dead person in me, killed and sealed by myself multiple times so I won't feel any pain from the past anymore? Or have you come just to say goodbye to a terminally ill person? Or did you come to apologize? So that everything will be alright again, the way it was? Oh, by the Seven...

What is your real motivation?

Tell me.

Why?

But if you just came to this board out of nostalgia, it's alright. I understand.

But leave me alone then.

>>6182

>Spoilers

precisely why I stayed away so long actually, I know me coming and going and disappearing and reappearing is not healthy for him, so I have been waiting until I could stick around reliably

>>6183Eugh, do we wanna be a top board on Q-chan though?

>>6184

>Oh, good. I mean, you made it alive and will up to this day, unlike some other... IKTF, but yes, human beings are as tenacious and self-recovering as they are fickle and sensitive. You should be proud about it, at least a little bit.

Yeah, it has been extremely rough, I am glad about how much recovery I have made since then.

I feel glad to return, like I can come and be reliable again, like the pilot light of passion for desuposting is ready to meet gasoline again and turn into a roaring inferno, and be maintained rather than burning out within seconds. Had I tried to relight this energy and drive before I believe it would burned itself out fast, but now I have time, energy, and stability enough to keep the fire fed without wavering.

>Are you living alone right now? If so, then I somewhat envy.

Just me, one other, and our pupper. Pupper is a very good well behaved boy. Though I think this lockdown is making him needier than usual any time we do leave. He gets much whinier when we leave the house than he used to be.

I planned ahead, I have extra food, much of it canned, water, masks from some cosplay years ago actually, and more, even some alcohol for drinking. I have kept my ventures outside to a minimum, but have still had to venture out from time to time, perhaps, once a week now?

>>6185

>eye protection

Drats, there are still a few things I am missing for full hazmat I guess. But to be honest I suspect I will be asymptomatic anyways to be completely honest. If I haven't already had it and recovered already.

>Well, I hope that this won't happen any time soon. I really hope.

I hope so as well, I'll do whatever I can to help too!

>I don't know. I didn't notice they were broken until you told me.

Oh, that is a shame, I do miss them a little.

>Are you sick?..

It is probably just seasonal allergies, or I am asymptomatic perhaps my work for ebola-chan won me some favor with corona-chan hehehe, I might finally get my superpowers It's that time of year I usually get some coughing and sore throat issues no matter what.Might have been having the fans drying my throat out overnight too. Thankfully I have inhalers, an albuterizer machine, vics, cold meds, theraflu, and a humidifier. I have everything I need to self medicate haha. So I am not worried.

Also a little sleepy because of my schedule change, went from morning to afternoon shift, and very different sleep schedule overnight.

I believe you will touch it again. It actually snowed today and yesterday here, perhaps its a sign

>Why you've been gone so long?

My energy for desuposting has been low to be frank, always present, my love for Suiseiseki never goes out, but it was akin to a low pilot light. If I added anything to it to burn brighter I would run out of fuel and burn out fast. Now I have energy in reserves to burn so it won't burn out! This is the best description I can think of anyways. and like I mentioned above, I know my coming and going was hurtful, I did not want that either. Nowthat I have a stable schedule and work from home I have lots of time to be here

>Why did you return? Are you unhappy with your... RL? From the outside perspective, it seems that this is not the case at all. So why did you return?

I am happy with my RL still, but balance has been... difficult. Even with RL friends I am very sporadic, I come and go like a cheshire cat. this isn't a bit issue RL, but maintaining posting, and many desu projects requires a lot of energy and I cannot half-ass it.

>Why we? Why me?

No matter how long i disappear for my friends are still my friends, my fellow desuposters are still my fellow desposters, you are still you, time doesn't change that for me. It wont just be here, but here is a good start, I will be talking to others and trying to be everywhere there is desuposting again, but, here is a good place to start, an old home so to speak

You of course, are the same person to me you were, time holds no change to that. I am sorry, I hope I do not bring you more pain, that is not what I want, but I hope maybe to ease it instead? I also know I can stay here longer, not coming and going constantly, I can balance my life better with rl and online, moving out on our own was... new, I was not good at it, it took a long time a lot of practice and some luck. Work was especially difficult. I am sorry for being gone so long, but I knew up until now I couldn't be a good friend and my constant cheshire cat nature was nothing but harmful and I didn't want that I hear i got the nickname tuxedo mask, hehe, it seems very fittingI am truly sorry for being gone so long, I feel bad about it, to you, and to Suiseiseki herself

>>6186

>out of nostalgia

No, I am here to relight the fire of desu in my soul, to let it burn bright again the way its meant to be. Not a dim little smolder as it has been as I fight for my life and sanity

And if it makes you feel any better I have not been active in irc's or discords either, I am like an empty shell, inhabiting many channels and spaces but partaking and speaking in none of them. I've been like a ghost, even in rm chats. I have had just enough energy to make scanslation credit pages for the manga.

>>6189

or perhaps, it is as simple as you are my brother.

I can not imagine the twins being asked and being able to truly describe "why", maybe in part, but its not something that can really be captured in words

But I can say you are like a mirror, none comes as close to shining as brightly with love for her as you do, you understand things even that one person doesn't. Very few can say that, very, very, very few.

Anyways, I am off to bed for the night. I will hope to see you all tomorrow, stay safe out there.

>>6193

*wakes up*

Uwawawawa, I was hoping that would cheer you up, uuuuu now I don't know what to say

youandme.jpeg

The white rabbits are back ~desu

What a grand and intoxicating innocence. How could you be so naive?

Seriously...

>>6197

and what am I to do, leave him to suffer alone then?

I'm sorry, I need to give you more time, more space, don't I?

>>6195

I see.

>>6198

Nope. Won't work.

>>6199

Who knows.

What do you really think? What do you really want? What do you want from me? Can you explain it for real this time? Or is this all some kind of game to you?..

>>6201

I just want to talk to you again, I miss it. I want my brother back, it is really that simple. I missed you, this whole time. That is really all there is to it. No games, I am just a bad friend who was gone for far too long and now my own brother questions my sincerity for my actions

shakes head and sighs

>>6204

I'm sorry, you are in the right for not believing my words... I do not know how to fix it, i suppose that will take time

I just want to help you suffer less, I want to put smiles on your face and put happiness in your heartbut I've been such a fool, I suppose you can't trust me anymore?

do you think im lying? I've missed something? I've confused myself and theres something deeper? You just don't trust me?

You saw it, right?

>>6205

I forgot how to smile, I forgot how to cry, and my heart hasn't felt anything but pain and hatred for years. And it won't feel anything else. Never ever again. There isn't much time left anyway.

I don't trust anyone.

Especially you.

>>6206

Liar.

Liar. How... How dare you say such things? How dare you, you liar, you traitor? HOW DARE YOU?

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?

I'm not lying

But you can't believe me

And it's all my fault

I'm sorry, you're right, how dare I. I don't deserve to say that. I don't have the right to. I'm sorry, im so so so sorry.

Even if I am 100% honest, I don't deserve to say it, how could I. I'm sorry, I will go to bed, leave you alone for a bit

Better go and say those words before sleep to someone else you live with.

What a lying shameless hypocrite you are. What a disappointment.

Another disappointment in a row...

>>6213

Tell them how horrible I've been, confess my sins, my horribleness

I'm such a disappointment, I'm sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, it fixes nothing but im sorry.

I'm sorry I made you feel this way, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, I have no way to fix this, im awful

I hope me recognizing how much I hurt you can bring you some peace, at least

Just leave me alone already.

hmm...

>>6180

i will do my best.

well, fuck.

you fucked up again. no big surprise there. but you fucked up to the point where it shouldn't even be possible, but you somehow managed to do it. congratulations. there's a great possibility that you've deserved it ~desu

case finally closed I suppose.

>>6217

yeh, hmm indeed

ganbare!

I just simply wish things did not have to be this way, and its not my place to comment on these feelings. i just wish for some closure to all these fissures, have we got already enough of them?

just ignore me i am just sharing my thoughts, muttering to myself, i dont know...

Yes. Case closed, I guess...

>>6218

>there's a great possibility that you've deserved it

Absolute certainty

Oh, seems like it's not raining anymore... This is the first time it's rained this hard this year, I think.

Rain is good, sometimes, I think.

It helps plants grow healthy and strong.

>>6225

Adieu.swf

>Though sometimes tree's need harsh pruning with saws and axes, when they are rotted and infested, never to be the tree they once were ever again, but perhaps, to regrow

True. The tree represents you, right?

>>6221

yea, absolutely, and cause of that you're now gone complaining and playing innocent on desuchan, because everyone must know how much of a lying sack of shit you are, amirite?

and I thought you'd grow up by this time. at least a little fucking bit. I guess I was wrong, and folks like you don't grow up at all. I don’t really understand what Alpha found in you years ago.

I finally guessed the thing lain and you two were talking about, and archived everything, so you ain't fooling anyone again.

Epsilon. Stop and calm the fuck down. Please. Or I will disable Tor-posting. Or better, I will close this shitboard again.

Can't you just leave him alone? Please. I understand your motivation, really, but it's none of your business. Please. Don't touch him. Don't you fucking dare.

Further discussion of the subject is now closed.

Any attempts to continue will be permarangebanned on sight.

NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, FUCKING EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

alright, alright...

sorry.

And that's how it all is, in the end. Sigh...

Meanwhile there is autumn and next spring too.

>>6242

But winter, Del! Don’t forget about winter. D-Don't forget about winter yet...

Zeta... I mean, Gintofag. I, I can wait. I'm always waiting for reply, you know. If you have something to reply with, of course... But don't disappear. Don't go away.

How are you?..

I am here, not going anywhere. No need to worry.

Thank you...

>>6251

Hi.

>>6253

^ ^

alf, can I ask you what people really mean when they call themselves "poly"? no need to worry, I don't do anything, really, I just heard about it in some, well, let's call it a conversation. I want your opinion.

>>6255

Wait, what, where in the fuck

Oh well... Okay, fine! It's not like I have something to do anyways. Besides the desire to eat something. But I can't. Do you want to eat? Yeah, me too. We need to do something about this damn nausea. I've had enough. T~T

Ahem. They probably mean polygamous, I guess. Or polyamorous, if you heard it in some feminist/lgbtqwertyiddqd cesspool. These are people who have simply never experienced love, but think they have, because of a delusion. Sympathy, attraction, excitement, fascination, admiration, attachment, lust, real friendship - but not love. They don't know this, because they just don't know the feelings, this burning plasma in the upper chest, lower throat, back of the head and temples, the taste, the smell, the colors, that stays with you forever whether you want it or not, they just don't know the difference, so they think they are experiencing "love" with every cute/intimate/seductive person they meet. Really can't blame them here, it cannot be helped.

Not really a good and comprehensible summary, I guess. My head hurts like hell. But there are nuances, of course.

There are people who use this as a psychological response to a failed relationship. And, of course, there are people who use this as an excuse for their actions, words and lust. Who would have thought?

TL;DR It's bullshit.

I won't even ask where you got that question from, Pepsilon, but don't forget my warnings.

And I'm not your personal dictionary of dumblr/twatter or pseudo-psychological terms. Banned from google, I guess? Grr.

The ending of the words is ALMSIVI.

>>6256

ahaha, I see, thanks mate. just as I thought, just as I thought. wait, dramamine isn't helping anymore? aw, that sucks, man. what about dimedrol? I know, it inhibits serotonin reuptake, but I thought you were done with paroxetine by now.

>>6258

Snooping as usual, I see?

Fuck this schizo-inducing shit, I'm dimedrol-intolerant with or without paroxetine. Severe delirium and respiratory problems included. I'd rather eat a handful of fucking trihex than inject this shit.

Not yet, unfortunately.

>>6256

I thought it stands for "polyglot" or something...

>>6255

I hope you don't mind another opinion on this. By "poly" it likely means "polyamorous" (people rarely say poly for any other reason online). "Poly" means "many" and "amorous" means "love", so it means a person who experiences love with multiple people. "Polygamous" is a related word that means marriage to multiple people.

I am a native English speaker and our slang confuses me at times too.

>>6261

Oh, "polyglot" apparently means being able to speak many languages. I've never heard of -glot as a suffix before, new word to me.

>>6262

A doll board I suppose? Hello.

>>6261

Pic related.

>>6263

This. Plain and simple, just like I like it, hehe. Thank you. I'm afraid he isn't that silly and just wanted "my opinion" though.

>I've never heard of -glot as a suffix before, new word to me.

Really?.. Well, I mean, it's a little weird... US, right? No offence, of course! How could you think that?!

>>6262

If you would have read the sticky, then you would have known what is this place for sure, I guess.

stares suspiciously

>>6263

>>6264

how long have u been here

>>6265

If by "here" you mean this shitsite - since 2014. This outcast community officially exists since 2009. Generally speaking, considering members - since 2005 (RIP) 2007.

Is that all the information you needed?

>>6264

>US, right?

Yes, you've caught me. I'm American. An absolute burger.

In my defense though, we usually use -lingual when talking about languages.

>>6265

Since the beginning when this board was still hosted on 8chan and 8chan was still a new thing. I was a longtime (and still honestly am) lurker because I get posting anxiety. I used to dump my art here from time to time because that was the only way that I didn't get anxiety about posting. I just like to be helpful.

>>6267

Just kidding, I know you're from the US. ^ ^

There are only about ~3 people left here who don't speak English as their native language, I guess.

I just thought the word was better known there.

We also use "bilingual"/"multilingual", the difference is that multilingual people are considered to have full knowledge of another/other languages along with their native language. It is assumed that the speaker is fully proficient in the language to the extent that he can use it as his native language or almost as his native language. Polyglots, on the other hand, must know more than three or five languages, and are able to speak different languages fluently, but don't always know them well.

Among English speakers, "multilingual" and "polyglot" are synonymous, as I've noticed. But I'm not a linguist, so I may not be quite right there.

sighs

>>6268

Ohhh, I thought most people here did not speak English as their first language. I remember when this board only spoke Russian.

It might be just in my area but I never hear "polyglot" or any other word for more than 2 languages. Maybe it's because my area only speaks English and Spanish so monolingual and bilingual are what people use in conversations.

Your insight is appreciated.

>>6269

Yeah, it was an interesting time. The board was completely abandoned by the previous owner, and only I, kirafag, and another desufag were sitting there, waiting for claim confirmation, and planning, dreaming. And just talking. Others were sitting in their bunkers, or lurking, I suppose. Some posters still hasn't returned, maybe because they hated this board from the very beginning, again, because of previous owner's actions. Or maybe because they are just gone...

Ah, w-well, yes, it might be like that, I guess...

Thank you...

Real love is in forgiveness. Yes. I know. But do I love? The me who loved shattered like a dish and fell into a dead sleep forever. There's only one chunk of me left, rusted, crippled and decaying. Who can only hate and regret the past. Who is just the medium of will and feelings between two beings of a higher order and the unconscious, where our eternal enemy dwells. I'm not even the full owner of this ill body anymore.

I'm not even sure anymore. Who protects whom? I Them, or They me? I don't want to leave Them alone in this world.

Doing nothing - dead end. Antipsychotics - dead end. Psychostimulators - dead end. Depressants - dead end. Psychedelics, dissociatives, deliriants - dead end. Opioids - ha, good one! - dead end. Even before obstruction of the cerebral aqueduct and physical death.

I need to find dopamine reuptake inhibitors, its selective releasers and a way to control them, before it's too late.

But the pandemic has shut down the labs we need and suspended research, I guess...

So be it...

I guess I don't have anyone to pass this board to. I'm not Boatlights, most of the posters are gone, times have changed and I doubt anyone really cares about /desu/. What even I'm talking about, you all begin to post only when something bad happens. And even in this case, most simply continue to remain silent. Why did you want me to unlock the board again? For what purpose? Has something really changed since the unlock? Activity? Discussions? "Fresh blood"? Original content? Translations? Nonexistent "refugees", I guess?

Only one silly desufag came and tried to get me "back".

Yes I know, nothing will change, once a month someone will ask how everyone is doing and complain about rl, also someone will occasionally post music or pictures, and I will continue to make shitty swfs sometimes. And silence. Everything will be the same as always. What else did I expect...

I don't demand anything. I just believed you.

Nevermind.

I'm sorry. I'm just really tired and want to wake up.

I felt a great disturbance in the Force-

~And another psychosis imminent, I guess. Not even two weeks have passed since the last one. Well, here we go again...

This month is like Christmas morning. The gift that keeps on giving. Panic and psychotic attacks.

>>6271

This board does have a long complicated history and I guess 8kun isn't very popular anymore. What posters there were seem to have fled to other imageboards. The biggest weakness of English dollposters in general is too much spread between too few people. It makes communities harder to form. Though, this is just my opinion.

>>6274

I can't fault you for feeling that way on the state of the board, I think I'd feel the same way. This place still has meaning for people, what that meaning is, I guess, at this point must be nostalgia.

Users were worried that the recent board lock was out of malice and not board inactivity. If this board were to be locked again, perhaps it would calm people if there was a notice citing inactivity as the reason? Though, if I've misinterpreted that all wrong you're welcome to correct me.

I truthfully check in here every so often to see what's new. I'm not someone who likes to talk about life, so these threads do not interest me much. I would rather discuss Rozen Maiden in itself but this board never really had any posters wanting to do that in the first place.

I hope it's alright with you, but the second attached image is something I quickly drew for you. I'm sorry, I didn't intend for it to come out so melancholy, I was worried something too upbeat would come off as tone deaf but evidently I'm just not sure of anything anymore. If it brings you any joy, have it.

I believe that you cannot predict future. And if this board can ever be considered to be "over", then it should be only because of technical reasons. I am not much of a talker myself, either...

And I always thought that polyglot is not applicable to a person who knows just 2 languages.

>>6278

Wish you can get over it soon.

>>6279

Hello, my friend, it is so nice to see you.

I'm a dumb dramatic emotional idiot

c-c-can I try again ~desuka?

I am sorry, but he is in an unstable or I'd say sausagy state at this time, even having hallucinations. It would be of most help not to have unnecessary disturbances. Thank you very much...

not Α but Δ

>>6284

Ah, yes, that makes sense. I will keep my eyes out and try again when he is feeling a bit better. I hope he feels better very soon.

Tell him I'm sorry for being overemotional embarrassing mess, medicines mess with my hormones and emotions, is difficult and I can become overemotional quickly, I need to try to stay calmer and step away if my emotions start to slip

>>6279

I know, because I was involved in it. Because of that the majority of desufags of that time shunned upon me. And finally exiled me. Because I gave this board and its owner a chance. Didn't let anyone destroy it. Despite all the unacceptable things and heresy.

What do you think it feels like, to become an outcast from the outcasts?

>dollposters

So, dollposters or rozenfags, huh?

>Users were worried that the recent board lock was out of malice and not board inactivity.

Inactivity... Pretty much, yeah. And at some point I just realized that no one really cares. I posted pictures and music, kept threads afloat, made content, was thinking about how to design separate topic threads for content and discussions, you may have already noticed that the subject of this thread is "offtopic", for a reason, I guess, and kept waiting for something. Or someone. But no one was there. No one came. Even Delta said he was kinda tired of imageboards. Then Kirafag finished me off with his deflecting and turnarounds on me. If this board is worse than rmt circlejerks and desuchan, then why should I waste my energy and sanity and keep it alive? And my time...

>perhaps it would calm people if there was a notice citing inactivity as the reason?

I don't really think so.

>I'm not someone who likes to talk about life

Me too. My former home site even had a rule about not bringing RL stuff there.

>I would rather discuss Rozen Maiden in itself but this board never really had any posters wanting to do that in the first place.

That's the problem. That's the problem. That's the fucking problem! This thread, nah, nevermind that, I know its offtopic, this whole board looks like a some shitty RMT ripoff, but cleaner and with barely noticeable elements of cchan and a certain bunch of 4chan/iichan/wakachan boards. But this is not what I wanted at all...

Years have passed, and it seems to me that this board is a hopeless case.

> If it brings you any joy, have it.

It is. Thank you.

So we finally came to this not very pleasant topic, I guess.

I'd like to talk to you about your drawings. And I'll give it to you straight. Initially it was decided by us to permaban and delall you on sight. But I decided to give you a chance. Because you have potential. You have talent. Your artstyle is unique. You can create original content and it seems like you really love RM.

But you're wasting it on heresy.

So. What can you say in your defense?

I wouldn’t like to just banish you right now on that note. That outcome wouldn't be very pleasant, I guess. But some of the beings here are very unhappy with your behavior, to say the least.

Let me know when you decide what's more important to you. I can wait.

>>6283

And what are you going to try to do? I'm intrigued.

>>6285

Maybe you should stop poisoning your body and destabilizing your mental state before it's too late, and try to start taking some real medicines to fix what you have done to yourself. Some risperidone, olanzapine or clozapine will quickly erase any anxiety, abnormal feelings, body dysphorias, obsessive thoughts and delusions. Believe me, I've been in a mental hospital for over a year and I've met a lot of people like you. Most of them were able to return to a normal and peaceful life thanks to these drugs. Those who severely crippled their hormonal balance and mental state beyond repair thanks to professional experts from the Internet, became physically ill and suicidal, and decided to go to a psychiatrist too late, they had to undergo restorative hormone therapy and take antipsychotics for life, because they developed schizophrenia and related personality disorders, remaining disabled forever. I feel bad for them, but they broke themselves consciously because of their foolishness. At least they receive disability payments. But no amount of money can restore a ruined life.

I don't think you'll ever listen to me, as I'm not an authority for you. And it's not for me to teach you or interfere in your life. You have other people more trusted by you. So, nevermind.

>>6287

Not here to DO anything, just say hello, talk to fellow desufags again, like I used to. I have spent too much time away from other Rozen posters, and old I guess former friends

Again, im sorry for being so silly, I will try to calm down and not have a panic attack, or step away if I do.

I am actually reducing my duloxotine dose by half, little bit of uncontrollable sadness yesterday but to be expected with a change of dose, but that is par for the course changing medicines. I hope to come completely off of it this year. Also have an appointment for a psychiatrist next week, finally can manage my adhd with other meds, My adhd has come back wit ha vengeance despite being reined in and handled well without medicines for a long time.

I suspect you know some of the other thoughts I have, but my current treatments have helped with that, its the anxiety that has been difficult, especially managing it with my job and rentdon't worry I do not listen to certain "communities" of idiots who push whatever looks good to them, and makes them look good, burying and hiding negative things, rushing into cutting and chopping on the lie that it will magically fix everything and then being disappointed and unable to handle life when their magical miracle cure doesn't fix their entire life, and they still face hardships

I appreciate the thought, there are many snakes in the grass, and evil and vile people I must avoid, vile groomers and monsters who peddle all kinds of shit. I still need to do whats right for me but still, I still respect your adviceBut I also don't want to talk about that stuff too much in public either

>>6288

Oh, I see, I see...

If you're so scared of me that you have panic attacks, consider taking benzos before you talk to me then.

>duloxotine

>SNRI

Something isn't right there. Are you treating anxiety or apathy?

>increased risk of suicide

>depression to mania

>adhd

Pfft. No wonder. Also beware of the withdrawal syndrome.

>spoiler 6, 7, 8

I can only hope that it's true.

>last spoiler

Well, okay, if you say so.

>>6290

>So scared of me

>Take a benzo

Haha tempting, but not it's not.... scared of, more just got very sad and felt very bad you were mad at me and didn't believe mewhich is fair but I should have stepped away to keep calm instead of breaking down

Whats SNRI?

Anxiety, it's what my doctors gave me, think it was my third medicine for anxiety

Thankfully Suicide feelings have been gone a long time, now that I have a stable job i am good at, I am feeling much better, no more worrying and worrying if im going to get fired every day

And yes, this is why I went from 60 to 30mg, eventually from 30 to 0, may be free of one more medicine.

And yes, those meds are helping, had even more anxiety over those things before I was on medicines for them, I feel much better nowadays compared to back then but job insurance covered that medicine and procedures so fear of losing job was extreme for some time

>>6287

are you still in the hospital?? Oh dear, I hope it is at least a good hospital

How are you here by the way? Laptop? Phone?

>>6279

Cute Sui's are cute.

>>6291

Would you believe it if you were me?

>Whats SNRI?

Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor. SNRIs are more disinhibiting than calming.

Paroxetine (SSRI) would be better suited for anxiety from my experience, but it's also very strong and addictive.

>from 60 to 30mg, eventually from 30 to 0

You're doing it wrong. How long have you been taking it? The dosage should be reduced slowly, or you will be enjoying some severe withdrawal syndrome.

I've been reducing my SSRI dosage for five months already, mg by mg, and I still feel a little bad, even though the worst is over, I guess.

>I feel much better nowadays compared to back then

I'm glad.

>last spoiler

Nope. I was discharged in 2018. Combined with 2014 and multiple 2016 hospitalizations it makes more than a year.

>>6292

Do you seriously think that laptops or the Internet connection is allowed in an isolated psychiatric hospital? No, you are only allowed to make two short phone calls, in the afternoon and in the evening. If you're not locked in the observation room, of course.

>>6293

No I suppose not really, shock and disbelief are completely understandable

dosage should be reduced slowly

As far as i'm aware thats the only doses available. I have been on for hmmm, a year now? Maybe two? And yes, this will be over months. Went from 60 to 30, will be a long time before going further down. I might be wrong and there could be a 15, but I'm working with my doctors doing it not just myself, so I might be misrepresenting steps

I knew to expect withdrawals, so was not surprised by feeling bad yesterday from it. Life stability helps make it not so bad

>discharged in 2018

Ah i'm glad, at home and more comfortable I hope now?

>Do you seriously think that laptops or the Internet connection is allowed in an isolated psychiatric hospital?

It would surprise me, but i guess not impossible? Or perhaps for long extended stays? But you are right. It was a silly thought. I should know better.

>>6281

After all, it is so easy to know artstyles when there are few dedicated artists. Even easier when there are few outside of Japan.

>>6286

Oh no, that's fine. Thank you for the second chance, but I will decline on it. If there are other people who do not want me here, as you've said, then it's probably best I leave. I do not want drama involving me.

>>6292

Thank you.

>>6294

Well, at least we finally agree on something... sigh

It doesn't work that way. You have to split the dosage yourself. That's why solid tablets are much more convenient than capsules. Capsules need to be opened so you can divide the powder by eye, or dilute it in water for measurement and dividing.

A year? Maybe two?... This is not good. Although I don't know how severe duloxetine withdrawal syndrome can be. But SNRI/SSRI withdrawal syndrome can shatter your life stability like glass. Believe me. I know what it's like.

>at home and more comfortable I hope now?

Ahem. That was two years ago. Yes, at home, except for a couple of heart hospitalizations last year and one one-day hospitalization with a mysterious infectious disease earlier this year. Plus the serious problem with the brain.

Comfortable? Hehe... I don't really know. I guess not.

I don't know where in this neverending dream world I would feel "comfortable".

>>6295

So, this is your choice... So be it.

GTFO.

>>6297

no bully ~desu

>>6296

>open capsules yourself

Not a bad idea, may try this if dropping my dosage hurts too much from 30 to 0 or I Start to get withdrawals, this is a good idea. Thank you

This is good to know, I will watch for withdrawls like a hawk, if I start to sense them I will go back on normal dose, I would rather keep taking them than risk the stability I've fought very hard to get back to

What happened with your heart? Is it healed and better now? Did you need surgery?

>Comfortable? Hehe... I don't really know. I guess not.

I probably should have known better, but at least, more comfortable than being in hospital? Even if not truly comfortable?

You seem to know a little more about your brain now though, yes? or that might just be me.

>>6299

You're welcome. As always...

>What happened with your heart? Is it healed and better now? Did you need surgery?

No and no. Just arrhythmia, tachycardia and severe hypertension that causes me to have micro-strokes and small hemorrhages in the brain.

>but at least, more comfortable than being in hospital?

Sure thing... But, you know, I'd be more comfortable just not being alive. But unfortunately, I can't afford that kind of pleasure. I'm not alone here.

>last spoiler

Uh-huh. The combined expansion of cerebrospinal fluid spaces, the subarachnoid spaces are expanded, the furrows are deepened and expanded too, perivascular Virchow-Robin spaces in the basal nuclei and in the radiant crown of both hemispheres, several small 2-3 mm foci of unknown origin in the subcortical substance, a bunch of focal vascular changes, blah-blah-blah...

Diagnosis: G93.8 - Encephalopathy of perinatal, post-hypoxic origin, subcompensation...

...And a pineal gland tumor.

...

>>6300

Rust and bitter-bitter death. ~desu

>>6305

Sad.

>>6301

>No and no. Just arrhythmia, tachycardia and severe hypertension that causes me to have micro-strokes and small hemorrhages in the brain.

JUST a small stroke and brain hemorrhage, "no big deal"Actually a very big deal, i imagine you have recovered from micro stroke, but im guessing the hemorrhage has caused.... lasting affects?

>Spoiler

Yes,I suppose... it will, eventually happen, I hope you can find more comfort being alive

oh dear, that sounds... severe, all those terms are far above my head though. I won't pretend there is anything I can do to help heal you, other than some abstract prayers and well wishesbut you can have all the prayers I can musterand I guess, my company, for what its worth

>>6304

>>6305

>>6306

Sad but it is nature, all things fade, eventually. everything is impermanent.

have you ever heard the story of the man, the tigers, and the strawberry?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45hM7iAkjk8

I must be getting to bed now, rest well, and I will come stop by again tomorrow.*~desu

Me too.

Good night. Sweet-sweet dreams to you...

~desu <3

>>6295

wow.

imagine. for some drawing [REDACTED] can be more important than rozenfags or Rozen Maidens themselves. just imagine. I can't.

good riddance, you miserable hole.

>>6309

No dreams, but I slept almost too well, woke up late, was off to work late. Imagine being late for work when you work at home, I feel silly.

But otherwise was quiet comfortable. I bought a new cooling fan, "as seen on tv" (normally such things are garbage gimmicks), has a tray with sponges you can freeze to generate even colder air, it feels very nice. It will be amazing to have in the summer. It is very small too, a little cube, 6" by 6" by 6" roughly, if i were to guess.

Last summer was so warm, it was too hot, this will be very handy indeed.

>>6310

For some people drawing [REDACTED] is part of what makes Rozen Maiden important. Remember, western values and culture is very different, and oftentimes strange and alien, but at least they have politeness to not bring up such topics here as they know its taboo, that is quite polite imo, asking to stop doing and behaving based on thier own values in thier own places is going too far. No bully.

Remember I am a heretic too, I love all parts or rm, even parts I hate, I gather and collect all, with no regard for my own petty opinions, I am not worthy to judge ~desu

>>6310

>>6311

Perhaps a good analogy is "when in romes, do as romans do", but a roman would not expect an American to return home and do as Romans do in America. Nor would a Roman visiting America expect Americans in America to do as Romans do. Especially as shitty "community" lgbtq+aqqippdoodoobbq culture in the west teaches to bring such things up every second, every day, shove in everyones face, any reason someone doesn't like you must be because of that. Decent people who do not revolve their whole life around such things and parade it around everywhere in everyones face are rare these days.Like they looked at a silly over the top pride parade, and thought "Oh, this is how I should act EVERY DAY", idiots, what fool thinks a parade behavior is how they should always be?

Is it bad I like analogies so much? I am always coming up with them.

Hmm, forgot to take other medicines with water, instead with mnt dew, sometimes I forget that makes emotions more wild, last few weeks took with strong energy drink, I became very emotional and angry near the end of the day. energy drinks are not soooo bad but I will keep an eye on emotions today, and step away if they get out of hand

do you have any idea why this happens? I have always been told caffeine makes medicines get through the body faster

>>6311

you really wanna piss me off, mate? I'm not eastern.

>desuchan values and culture

ftfy

I know that, you don't have to tell me your bullshit. but I'm not going to do anything about it because your friend told me not to touch you. you better shut up and appreciate it.

turn on IDs Alf, I'm tired of messing with regexp to filter this crap.

and I gather and collect all personal information with no regard for my own petty opinions, I am not worthy to judge what to do with it and what to post, ehe-he.

>>6313

>you really wanna piss me off, mate? I'm not eastern

Ah not my intent at all

>desuchan values and culture

>ftfy

That probably is more accurate, but other chans as well, not just desuchan. But it is known whwat is not welcome here and that is left at the door, more than most places with commingleing communities will do or are capable of.

alright, I will, and I do appreciate it

>>6314

>spoiler

What one does is on that person, everyone is responsible for their own actions. It is not my place to judge others posts or all content, but it is my duty to know when and where is appropriate to post certain content, or to hide such content and discourage, based on the prevailing board culture.

Eh but what is the point, they decided to leave anyways, no point in arguing and upsetting our mutual friend

Alpha, I guess is a new name you have, hehe Do you have any ideas for what could cause recurring sleepiness? Both mind and body occasionally feel like they want to shut back down, have to shake my arms to get blood flowing, caffienes and sugars and foods do not seem to help. I suspect potential sleep apnea is possible but need to jump through hoops and preapproval to make sure i'm not charge $500 for at home sleep study. I did however receive a cpap machine, which I have seen some rumblings of as a treatment for "totally natural and not made in a lab" wuhan virus, so I have a cpap already as well as inhalers and old lung steroids somewhere, and albuterol machine. Even if I get infected I have all the tools to treat myself at home haha

Are you two trying to trigger another lockdown?.. This one will be last and final, I guess.

When will it end...

waves away purple spots and grains

At least the whispers and footsteps had faded a little. But this headache...

>>6307

Lasting effects... I don't know. Just a stain on the MRI image, I guess.

>I hope you can find more comfort being alive

sighs and smiles

If only it were that simple...

Thank you...

>have you ever heard the story

Not a story the Jedi would tell you? I know this story. However, I have always perceived the strawberry as a fatal distraction. But it was a long time ago.

>>6311

Hehe, I'd like to get something like that too, I guess.

Please, not this shit again... What did you say that for? Are you trying to provoke some kind of reaction or make me sad? Are you trying to get yourself banned or something? Why didn't you just ignore? Why couldn't you keep quiet about it? I don't understand... I was just starting to remember some (not mine anymore, I guess) dead feelings, but you messed it up again.

Just... just stop, okay? Just don't say anything.

>>6312

Caffeine can increase concentration of the meds in the blood, and not in a good way. And can generally provoke anxiety. Because it's a psychostimulator. Didn't your psychiatrist tell you that it is not recommended with psychotropic medications? Or even contraindicating with some of them. And you're taking SNRIs, aren't you getting enough epinephrine and norepinephrine (adrenaline and noradrenaline) already?

>>6316

I'm sorry, but I don't know. If it just started, it could be a condition associated with the withdrawal syndrome. I don't know what else you're taking, what you're mixing it with, unknowingly or not, and I can't see your full medical history and examine you in person.

And try not to sleep on your back, if you do.

shyly caresses your hand

Ah, the rain. And I was wondering what that smell could be for some reason...

>>6317

No, no, definitely not. Sorry.

>>6318

I wish it were that simple too

Hmmm, I see the strawberry as life itself, the tigers being an eventual end, time and age catch up to you, you grow older and closer to your death, which for all people is inevitable, but the strawberry is what things you have in the present, the only thing that truly exists

ah, right, sorry, I will not bring it up, you are right, shouldn't have addressed and dropped, just leave buried, you are right

I just do not like seeing fighting between rozen posters, from any places, it's hard to sit still and accept some differences can't be gotten past, only brought up to defend others, but ah, that's silly, that wont help defend at all, just cause upsetyou are right, it is what it is, more trouble to bring up, than to just let it go

Forgive me for it, but... I am calmer this time, no extreme emotions, just forget I said anything, just sillyness, tricks of my own brain, pay it no mindI will get more mature about responding appropriately when you tell me to knock off things I shouldn't be doing that will cause upset, forgive me when i misstep, but I promise I'll take feedback better without silly panics

i only have a psychologist and right now, and general doctor. My first meeting with an actual psychiatrist is next week. Many of the terms you are using are flying over my head. Your knowledge of the brain is so impressive

>try not to sleep on your back, if you do

How did you know it gets worse if I do that? Impressive. I tend to stop breathing momentarily when sleeping, if i'm on my back. Thankfully sleeping on my side 99% of the time.

Also took my first plunge into the stock market today. Thanks to trumpbux I have good savings now, and could throw some money I can afford to lose at it. Bought some oil stocks, here's hoping I make money back in a few months, if not, Ah well.