No.11284
can you love the universe?
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No.11285
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No.11286
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No.11287
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
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No.11288
half of the universe should *die*
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No.11289
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No.11307
>>11284
>>11285
>>11286
I really enjoy this. Overall this reads like it was written by a teenage girl. This gives it an undeniable charm but despite that the quality is brought down by continuous misspelling (mostly mixing "ei" and "ie" in words such as shield) and far too much expository "conversations" between the characters, specifically the last two pages are pretty much just rambling between two characters that is fairly inconsequential. It's also worth pointing out that although all the companions have accompanying images, none of the abilities do.
So, in short to fix this piece:
Do a typo fixing pass.
Cut down on the unnecessary exposition.
Add images to the powers section.
Clean up the last few pages.
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No.11312
>>11307
Agreed, nice concept, substandard execution.
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No.11313
It's not a bad idea, could be better though. Spelling errors need to be fixed of course, but I think the powers/abilities could be fleshed out a bit, maybe add a few based on class.
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No.11388
My Lord Satan, has whoever made this heard of spellcheck? Shit's TERRIBLE. It actually made it unreadable for me. Absolutely disgusting/10.
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No.11390
>>11388
Actually not just spellcheck. The writing comprehension, the grammar, holy fuck. I read some of it and my IQ figuratively dropped reading it. This is atrocious. Downright disgusting. Terrible. Blasphemous.
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