>You fling open the door to your apartment and step inside, closing it behind you
>It's been a long day, and you're just glad to be home
>It's time to relax
>You make your way to the fridge and reach in to grab yourself-
>Nothing at all, apparently
>Of course
>You sigh, close the fridge, and turn to your roommate's door
>You knock quickly, trying not to sound as frustrated as you are
>"Andrew," you call, "you here?"
>You hear a buzz and series of clicks, and the door opens
>You step inside, and it's as if you've entered another world
>It's ridiculously dark, but the light shining from behind you is enough illumination to see by
>There are flowers everywhere
>Huge white petals seem to glow as they reflect light, and the floor is coated with fresh urine
>Strands of silk hang from the ceiling, holding up a massive cocoon that serves as a bed
>The windows have been covered with floral print curtains, explaining the darkness
>On the wall sits a poster of Arnold Schoenberg, which clashes horribly with the entire room
>"Hi Anon!"
>A ball of fuzz pops out from behind the door you entered from and detaches itself, landing on the floor with a poof
>The faggot smiles at you, his sanpaku eyes gleaming brightly
>"Ooh, what did you want to see me about?" his squeaks happily
>"I was was just-" you begin, but he cuts you off in his excitement
>"Did you bring the light? I love looking at the light! It's really pretty and it makes me feel funny in my brain and-"
>"Andrew."
>"Maybe we can look at it together! I love doing stuff with other people, but you're not really a person but that might make it even more fun to-"
>"Andrew!" you speak up, causing him to recoil and take a step back
>He quiets down and lowers his head sheepishly, both his ears and ass falling flat
>"Sorry," he squeaks
>"It's fine," you sigh. "I was just going to ask you why the fridge is empty."
>He perks up again. "Oh, that? I drank everything in it."
>Your palm finds its way to your face, where it will stay for the forseeable future
>"I gathered that," you say. "Why did you drink everything in the fridge?"
>"'Cause I was thirsty," Andrew squeaks as if it's the most obvious thing in the world
>He takes your stare as a cue to continue
>"So did you bring the light?"
>"No," you nearly growl. "Just, please replace what you drink next time, okay?"
>You think about that request for a moment
>"And I don't want the entire thing filled with nothing but juice boxes, either," you add.
>The faggot tilts his head at you, then nods vigorously
>"Okay!"
>With no warning whatsoever, Andrew lifts off the ground and springs towards your face
>Your arms fly up, but your vision is already filled with body hair and lice as he fwumps onto your chest
>"So can we do something together now?"
>You reach up and pry the fag off of you, holding him so his head is level with yours
>"Not now," you say. "I was hoping to relax tonight."
>"Oooh, I can do that!" Andrew giggles
>There's a second of silence as your mind attempts to process this
>It fails
>"How?" you ask suspiciously
>Andrew inhales deeply, swinging his ass in your face
>"What are you-"
>Andrew's ass explodes into a cloud of gas
>Gas fills your vision as you drop the man and try to breathe
>Burning fills your throat and nose as you gasp and cough, and you blink furiously
>"What the-" you burst into another fit of coughing
>"It's a defense!" Andrew chirps, fluttering happily inside her own cloud
>You manage to blink enough of the dust from your eyes to glare at the homosexual, but then your mind begins to work and your heart pounds
>"A defense?" you choke. "Andrew, are your farts poisonous?!"
>The fruitcake makes a shrugging motion. "A little?"
>"Are you insane?!" you scream, dashing from the room
>You make it three steps before your legs turn to mush and you fall to your knees
>Your mind starts to swim, and there's a buzzing in the back of your head