No.1069016 [Last50 Posts]
IT HAS BEEN SUMMONED.
In 2013, DC Comics finally released books to capitalize on Occupy Wall Street. Absorbing only the surface level "rich vs poor" ideas of the protests, DC produced two books. Representing the rich was The Green Team, teenage billionaires who stared at their phones for thirty pages, and the poor got THE MOVEMENT. While The Green Team was boring, and thus forgotten, THE MOVEMENT lived on as one of the most hilariously awful comics ever produced.
You better get ready to take to the streets, because it's time for
THE MOVEMENT
____________________________
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No.1069017
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No.1069018
>>1069016
Our story takes place in Coral City, the crowning jewel of the beautiful and economically rich state of Coral City. A community with vibrant businesses such as GUNS, CHECK CASHING, and LIQUOR.
We open up with some cops getting busted by NOTANONYMOUS. If you think these guys are going to be relevant to the over-all plot, then you're stupid and have never read this before. The video gets shown on the news and Captain Black Dynamite gets mad, but can't do anything because unions or some shit. Now's probably a good time to tell you guys that Gail Simone, famous author of Birds of Prey, has no idea how anything works, so get used to it.
Case in point, Christianity. Gail apparently didn't know that Christianity had multiple denominations, so you're going to see her point that out a lot in this comic.
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No.1069019
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No.1069021
Is it New 52 Daughter of Joker levels of bad or just bad?
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No.1069022
>>1069018
Fuck, I'm already getting ahead of myself.
Coral City, in the great state of Coral City, has a serial killer on the loose called the Cornea Killer. Well I don't like that name so I'm going to call him Eyeball Eddie. Eyeball Eddie likes eyes and likes to get them from bums. Is this going to be important later? Well, not really.
Meanwhile, some youth is going Linda Blair in a PRESBYTERIAN Church and the cops are heading to the scene.
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No.1069023
>>1069022
THE MOVEMENT IS ON THE SCENE TO declare war on law enforcement.
We're introduced to Mouse, who can talk to rats. He's also absolutely disgusting. Gail goes to great length to describe the utter filth he lives in, to the point that I'm 90% sure she masturbated to him while working on this.
As we get to the rest of THE MOVEMENT, one thing becomes clear: They're all unlikable assholes. All of them.
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No.1069024
>>1069023
The black girl leader Virtue is the queen bitch asshole of the lot, and she establishes her position as top of the asshole hierarchy by using her emotion powers to tell Captain Black Dynamite that his wife is banging other dudes. Not in the "guy I need to tell you this" way either. It's the "fuck you, you cuck pig" way.
THE MOVEMENT #1 ends with NOTANONYMOUS kicking Captain Black Dynamite out of the church. The man was just doing his fucking job, for fuck's sake.
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No.1069025
>>1069018
>that Frankenstein looking cop
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No.1069030
>>1069016
>IT HAS BEEN SUMMONED
Hurry you fools, cast it back in to the depths from which it came!
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No.1069031
>>1069030
THE WORD WAS SPOKEN
>>1068975
YOU WILL NOT BE FREE UNTIL THE RITUAL IS COMPLETE
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No.1069123
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No.1069124
>>1069022
>My parents called me Burden
Still better luck that being named Bazinga, Dragonborn or Hillary.
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No.1069126
>This shit again
Whatever. I'm fine with this.
It's such a goddamn nightmare of writing and it just keeps going. I can't wait to see the remarkable characters like Crippie Girl whose defining characteristic is offering Fruit Snacks.
If I remember correctly they also made the cops the most sympathetic people around just by virtue of them trying to do what anyone would consider rational in this fucked up world.
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No.1069129
THE MOVEMENT #2 and gang's got prisoners. Well, ''more' prisoners. It turns out they've got a bunch of kids living out of a buried sweat-shop they call home. Considering how THE MOVEMENT likes to throw their weight around, I'm just going to assume these kids are hostages in case the authorities come knocking.
The new guys are Officer Whitt and Officer Good Minority, and oh boy are they going to face mob justice. You know shit's bad when even Gail can't manage to come up with a justification for THE MOVEMENT'S actions.
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No.1069131
>>1069129
A cripple wheels up to the imprisoned cops and offers them a fruit snack. This is Vengeance Moth and I hate her.
The gang's called away because one of Mouse's rats died and he wants to eat it. These are our heroes. More importantly, the Captain Black Dynamite isn't going to sit idly by while asshole vigilantes kidnap his men. His reaction is completely justified and reasonable, but Gail keeps wanting us to think he's bad.
Back at the hellhole where THE MOVEMENT lives, as Big Tits Mechano-wings wants to "mark" the cops they captured to send a message, we're introduced to my boy Burden, that Linda Blaire fucker from before. Burden is the best character in this heap. Everything he says is right and the effect THE MOVEMENT has on him is insane.
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No.1069132
Could we invest a right wing counterpart to The Movement, who are more heroic and cast the Movement characters as the villains in their story?
PROUDBOY!
MEME WIZARD!
DAUGHTER OF ODIN!
MOONMAN!
CRUSADER!
Brought together by the guiding spirit of Uncle Adolph, they are… '''POLFORCE. DEFENDERS OF THE RIGHT"
Or whatever I just like brainstorming concepts like this.
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No.1069133
>>1069131
Yelp, he ate the rat. Glad that plot-line was resolved.
Hey look, it's generic evil businessman. What's his business you ask? Why, being generically evil, of course. For when you need a rich bad-guy but can't be arsed to give him a character, trust generic evil businessman.
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No.1069134
>>1069133
THE MOVEMENT #2 ends with a totally not stereotypical Native American character dressed in buck-skins and beads whose power is making it rain.
The lack of self-awareness in this book has me rubbing my temples in frustration.
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No.1069135
>>1069133
Why does someone named Virtue look SO EVIL when she's annoyed? That should be one of those "Hey… are we the baddies?" moments of self-reflection for the characters.
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No.1069138
>>1069023
why do they attack the police without provocation?
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No.1069144
>>1069138
Because reasons. Gail didn't think that far ahead when writing this… nor did she FEEL that far ahead since thinking in general is anathema to her and her ilk.
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No.1069146
>>1069138
The only answer I have is "Gail Simone is a hack".
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No.1069149
>>1069134
I love how they actively encourage that one poor kid to go full RIP AND TEAR when he really seems pretty reluctant about the whole thing.
But hey who the fuck cares about mental trauma! Fly that freak flag, heteronormative ally!
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No.1069191
It's THE MOVEMENT #3 and Birdie Big Tits gets arrested. More importantly, everyone else is getting their shit kicked in by Ms. Cherokee Nation 2013.
Look at all the power on display. Why the fuck haven't they seized the means of production yet?
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No.1069192
>>1069191
Way to go, guys. Now Burden believes in witches as well as demon possession. He was better off on the streets.
Eyeball Eddie gets some new bum eyes for his collection, and we get more of Gail's vapid self-insert cripple. How did she manage to get above ground to get burgers? She's in a fucking wheelchair.
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No.1069197
>>1069192
It isn't clever to bring up the hypocrisy of your main characters if you're never going to resolve it, Gail. It just makes THE MOVEMENT look like bad guys.
Back to the fight that exists for no fucking reason. Turns out it was all a big misunderstanding that could've been avoided if these assholes didn't just attack people unprovoked. Virtue thinks Rainmaker is being framed for Eyeball Eddie's escapades, even though Virtue knowing about Eddie's little rain-cloud wasn't established before this. Oh, and they could've all saved a trip because Rain Dance just points them in the direction of Generic Evil Guy. You know, the same place Cheep Cheep ChiChis went.
Fucking great.
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No.1069198
>>1069197
Heh. Lesbians.
THE MOVEMENT #3 ends with Virtue being a total bitch to Captain Black Dynamite and getting pissed that Birdie Big Tits got arrested. Oh, but it's OK when they do it.
These fuckers are only a death ray away from being supervillains.
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No.1069227
>>1069192
>Army veterans are reduced to begging on the streets while niggers and sand roaches get free room and board on the taxpayer's dime.
Thanks for reminding me.
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No.1069273
>>1069132
I think we kind had that with the Trump parody comic.
The only good thing to come from this series is that the guy who did the art for this went on to do the TMNT Batman crossover comics.
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No.1069331
Fucking hell, it's THE MOVEMENT #4 and they're laying siege to a police station.
We also get some backstory on Mickey Mouse. He was a rich kid who ran away from home to live in a fucking sewer.
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No.1069334
>>1069331
Everybody's getting back-stories today! Bird Big Tits was a Thai refugee who was raised in Minnesota by a … Baptist family. I don't know if this is common knowledge, but Minnesota is mostly Lutheran. You know, because of all the Scandinavians and shit.
Anyway she was a cop that castrated a guy. Because fuck due process.
Outside, Tremor is waking up to the fact that these people are fucking insane.
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No.1069335
>>1069334
Tremor's backstory is boring and unimportant.
Burden's, however. Burden's backstory is fucking insane because Gail Simone couldn't do a fucking google search on the Amish. The results are baffling and hilarious.
For example, Gail didn't know that married Amish men have beards and assumed they reject modern medicine.
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No.1069339
>>1069335
And she also thinks the Amish approach to exorcism is just beating the shit out of someone until the demon goes away.
Rainmaker shows up to kill a bunch of people. This is the kind of situation where you call in the national guard and martial law is declared.
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No.1069340
>>1069339
THE MOVEMENT #4 ends with them getting Tweety Tatas out, but at the cost of the very institutions necessary to hold society together. They're already empowering other groups to do the same thing, leaving the public defenseless against violence and crime. Entire cities left at the mercy of power-mad teenagers who'll kill them if they walk into the wrong neighborhood. Civilization is breaking down.
To think THE MOVEMENT caused all of this because some cop wanted to see a girl's tits.
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No.1069378
>>1069227
>a cuck that fought for israel is begging while normal people live normally
yep, its ok
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No.1069390
It's the THE MOVEMENT #5, and evil rich people are concerned that the world has collapsed into anarchy.
Meanwhile, Captain Black Dynamite meets Virtue over milkshakes and doughnuts. Only a fat fuck like Gail Simone could've conceived of such a thing.
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No.1069392
>>1069390
>dunking donuts in a milkshake
That's fucking disgusting.
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No.1069397
>>1069390
It's SHOW trail Time! After being kidnapped, imprisoned, denied counsel, and contact with their families, Officer Whitt and Officer Good Minority are charged by THE MOVEMENT with" sexual harassment of a minor". A crime that does not exist.
Gail, of course, has the minority immediately plead guilty, but then she does something stupid. She reveals that Officer Whitt is a highly decorated and humble police officer who has risked his life on numerous occasions to save others, especially children. So any legitimacy THE MOVEMENT had for his execution trail is just chucked in the bucket.
From now on, Officer Whitt is the true hero of this book. Bringing justice to a city made lawless by psychopathic, power-mad teenagers.
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No.1069398
>>1069397
I think Officer Minority has been brainwashed. Their captivity has all the signs of totalitarian thought reform. The control of information. The demands for purity. Mystical manipulation. Sacred science. The dispensing of existence. THE MOVEMENT is a fucking cult!
As Eyeball Eddie wants some doll eyes, Officer Whitt makes his escape. He's absolutely right that these fuckers want to kill them and he ain't waiting around for the firing squad. So fuck wheelchairs, he's outta there!
Oh, and we get another out-of-place mention of someone's religious denomination. This time it's Catholicism.
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No.1069399
>>1069398
Look! Cripple is another of Gail's OP characters! I didn't need another reason to hate her, but sure, I'll take it.
Eyeball Eddie kicks the shit out of Rickey Rat and Tremor quits THE MOVEMENT because they're fucking insane terrorists. These are all improvements.
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No.1069400
>>1069399
THE MOVEMENT #5 ends with the introduction of a bunch of retarded badguys. I don't mean retarded in that they're stupid, I mean retarded in that I genuinely think they have brain problems.
So look forward to the next issue where a bunch of teenage terrorists fight the special needs squad.
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No.1069430
>>1069400
>where a bunch of teenage terrorists fight the special needs squad.
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No.1069431
>>1069397
I genuinely like Officer Whitt, like the police chief he seems to be a rounded character (not amazing but atleast believable) placed in the writers schlickfest of a comic.
He's a fucking piece of work, sorta scummy but is also a police officer who does a lot of good and knows the right way to act when kidnapped by a bunch of terrorists.
It's like they took a noir cop character and dumped him in this shit hole.
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No.1069465
THE MOVEMENT #6, and I realize I need to correct my previous statement. It's teenage terrorists fighting each other and the special needs squad. Sorry about that.
Hey, and we get color commentary from not-twitter. You're absolutely right, KryptoKid38, these guys are bad people. Burden's also got a point. Clearly this is hell.
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No.1069466
>>1069334
So, how did big tits get her wings exactly? Gail gives us two pages of Generic Immigrant Success Story but completely neglects to mention how she got the thing that makes her a superhuman.
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No.1069467
>>1069465
Just like that the fight's over because Virtue said so. Can't have the gang break up over the fact they're all assholes, not when we've got six more issues to go.
Instead of leaving these morons to die from carbon monoxide poisoning in their little hell hole, Tremor instead points out that they've done nothing to help Burden and just fucked him up even more. So Virtue gets the bright idea to hold an exorcism! Surely this won't backfire and make things worse!
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No.1069468
This is the only good thing you'll get from this thread. Don't know if here are any other worthy reaction pictures.
Beaten cop is the only good guy in this story.
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No.1069469
>>1069467
Yeah, we get to the GRAVEYARD FACTION and these guys are dumb. They're called the fucking GRAVEYARD FACTION, have names like Anguish and Monster Baby, have really creepy powers, work for a guy that likes to carve out people's eyes, and they think they're good guys. Now, granted, they're way better people than THE MOVEMENT, but none of put the pieces together to figure out they're the villains.
Anyway we get to the exorcism and they bring out the Holy Bible, King James Edition. Gail couldn't even get the title right. Meanwhile, Big tits and Indian Earth Mover make up over fucking doughnuts and banana splits. Gail is not only fat, but has no friends, seeing as she thinks shit like "trying to murder each other" can be solved by eating garbage.
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No.1069471
>>1069469
Virtue just uses her bull-shit powers to "cure" Burden. Also demon Buden is a fucking no-mind who can't read the label of a fucking bottled water.
Oh, and Generic Evil Businessman is Eyeball Eddie's dad. Even Eyeball Eddie is a better person than THE MOVEMENT. He's a good son that loves his father.
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No.1069472
>>1069471
THE MOVEMENT #6 ending is disgusting. Two characters, one of which made a genuine effort to kill the other, are suddenly friends again because ice-cream and doughnuts. Real character conflict is swept away because "girls".
At least we got to see Mouse get beaten to a bloody pulp.
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No.1069523
>>1069466
I just assumed she built them herself.
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No.1069524
>>1069132
I mean, fuck, I would read it, if for no other reason than it would be something different.
All this comic reminds me of is pic related.
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No.1069534
>>1069523
>Random cop engineers single-person flight harness in her spare time between day job and vigilante hobby
>Lightweight, durable, folds in for ease of movement indoors, seemingly inexhaustible power supply
>Keeps the design to herself to feel special instead of turning Earth into Hawkworld.
Yeah, Catharsis is tied with Virtue for my most hated character. And not just for her cunty personality.
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No.1069535
THE MOVEMENT #7 and Generic Evil Businessman is probably the only really well written character in this heap. He does bad things, but he's the lesser of two evils, and thinks what his son, Eyeball Eddie, does is atrocious. Yet, he's still a loving father who cares deeply about his boy and just wants him to stop. I feel for Generic Evil Businessman.
Meanwhile, we learn that Big Tits has a Butterfly Knife. I don't know if she has it because Gail wanted her to be edgy, or if it's some stupid call-back to Big Tit's Thai heritage that Gail fucked up on by giving her a Filipino knife.
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No.1069536
>The Movement
Appropriate name, as this comic reeks of BM
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No.1069537
>>1069535
More fucking fruit snacks from the cripple who sniffed paint. Since she's Gail's self-insert, I wonder if she used her lunch break to waddle down to the 7- Eleven and buy $5 worth of gas to huff. Being high on gas fumes would go a long way to explaining this mess.
The Special Needs Squad are a better team, and possibly closer friends, than THE MOVEMENT will ever be. They're able to work together and respect each other's ideas enough to come up with a clever plan, all without killing each other. These guys need a book about their misadventures trying to become superheroes. I want to see these guys succeed.
Oh, and Burden has desires. That's what we in the business call "foreshadowing".
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No.1069538
>>1069537
Cops are planning on raiding THE MOVEMENT. The Special Needs Squad is currently raiding THE MOVEMENT. Looks like THE MOVEMENT pissed off a lot of people that know their address.
And more fucking fruit snacks.
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No.1069539
>>1069538
Why Captain Black Dynamite is helping Virtue and her band of morons is beyond me. Maybe he truly is a cuck.
Gail's heroes have boring powers. Instead look at the camaraderie of the Special Needs Squad. Pallas protects his friends from cripples assault with his own body. They're even able to finish each other's thoughts.
In this mess of a comic, they're a beacon of true friendship and trust.
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No.1069540
>>1069539
THE MOVEMENT #7 ends with the worst thing THE MOVEMENT has done so far. After Burden felt cured for the first time in his life, they turn him into a demon again. Not just any demon, an eldritch abomination from the infernal realms.
Look at that fucking thing. That's not even human anymore. Why would you do that? Why would you think Burden could ever become normal after that? Is this what they think is ok? For a young man to go through all of that horror so long as you get what you want?
THE MOVEMENT are evil, evil people.
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No.1069549
>>1069540
I fucking love how Burden originally just had red eyes and pointy nails and jagged features, but as he spent more and more time with THE MOVEMENT his condition deteriorated to the point that he turns into what looks like Baron from DOOM on crack.
That really is the point that no one can say they're the good guys because this is more or less pushing someone well past the point of psychosis by betraying their trust, first saying they're cured then saying it was all bullshit.
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No.1069576
>>1069016
Thanks OP, now I have cancer
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