>>842996
My mental health deteriorates rapidly when I stay up late so I need to be aggressive about my bedtime.
Also, going into the town center is bad. There's so much temptation for me now due to how the women dress in the Summer heat.
Beyond this though, provided I maintain a 9PM bedtime, I should be alright. There's definitely a need for me to disciplined about living life in the day, though. It seems, when I allow myself to coast, time will be wasted on the wrong thing. Maintaining focus throughout the whole day is just so taxing, though. Venting my thoughts has given me a thought though.
I remember I used to browse r/sociopath because I wanted inspiration and education on being socially savvy and perhaps even manipulative if I wished to be and one of the things I remember the posters there saying was that they were shocked by how normal people seem to function on a kind of mindless autopilot where they just do what they do with little to no conscious input meanwhile they themself, the sociopath, have to be constantly focused on everything they're doing because if they allow themself to lose focus, their blind hatred for every human being will come out which would disturb people thereby preventing they themself, the sociopath, from being able to function as a member of society. Due to their anger, they have to constantly self-regulate or the mask slips.
I also got into studying Gurdjieff's Fourth Way as that kind of fit what I was looking for as well. This was about regulating one's attention and always partially directing it inwards so that you can see how you react to things as they happen.
I want this power. I want the power to always be focused. I have a better idea of what to pray for now. I think this is the turning point for my life.