b7ea60 No.827664
I have been growing in my faith ever since I started this Journey early last year, and it has been WONDERFUL. I have a purpose in life. But I have been in despair. NOT with god, but with my fellow man. I am the only one in my little part of the world who is as devout as I am. My mom is Catholic, but has not been there in a while. My dad is Lutheran. I have been doing what I can to grow in faith, but I have no one to relate it to. I feel like Tobias and Sara: Mankind does not seem to embrace His message and I wish God to take me away. I have no friends in this regard. I love God with all my being, yet my family does not take Him seriously. I am a part of the church, but I can't relate. to anyone. Often I am upset at the closing hymns, because people seem so…eager…to leave Him..they treat it like a club. I used to struggle comprehending why so few were few people were saved. How could that be? I wondered..but I now know…people CHOOSE to not be saved. We REALLY do not deserve Him, and I am sorry for hurting Him all those years. Why did my parents not teach me to love God? Why? Why did I hate Him all those years? Why are we so wicked? I wish God could take me right now. I don't know how to feel about those in my life anymore. I could have been a literal NIGHTMARE…yet…He saved me…He loves me, when i did not deserve to be. No one has cared as that much about me…NO ONE. and i wish to share His love…but no one is interested. I am tired of the wicked hearts of mankind. I wish for God to wash all the sins of men away.
____________________________
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5b82cb No.827667
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47a5e7 No.827668
>>827664
I'm sorry anon. I sympathize, and have felt mostly isolated for 20+ years, since I found Christ. But do not wish to be taken away necessarily. Take comfort in learning about God's Word and the Church throughout all ages. You may feel alone in your space and time, but you are part of something much larger than what our eyes can see. Your family has been everywhere, in every time period. Keep learning about them and you'll not feel so alone. One day, you'll meet them personally, when the time is right.
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b7ea60 No.827672
>>827668
>>827667
thank you : )
It is hard when you have to go it alone…but at least I have Jesus at my side. I can't wait to be baptized in a couple weeks. i wish to be shed of sin. When I die, i want to be like a white dove. I wish to be free of sin. I thank Gof for having me find this place on 8ch last spring, when I needed it most. He REALLY is so…GOOD.
>>827668
I will do so. I love Him like I never loved anyone in my life. I would die a million deaths out of love of Him. He saved me from great destruction. And no I will not abandon the faith. I have just found the light, how could I go back into the darkness?
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b7ea60 No.827673
>>827672
It sucks I have no one to share it with… : (
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8ef8dd No.827676
>>827672
>I can't wait to be baptized in a couple weeks. i wish to be shed of sin.
You can be forgiven of sin at this very moment, the practice of baptism is only a symbol of it
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b7ea60 No.827678
>>827673
Also, is it weird to have a 'lust' for God? I have that for lack of a better term. By "Lust" I don't mean sex, but …self sacrificial. I would gladly die for Him. No one has loved me as much as He has. I have a heart of gold people say. I give my heart to Him. For a while I was ACHING to sing the Psalms out of love. I never felt this willing to die for someone. it has. I imagine being overwhelmed by his love. For lack of a better description, I picture God as a bottomless ocean of Love, and I am sinking deeper and deeper into it, and the more I fight it, the more I wish to give in and dissolve. Is this heresy? i can't tell. All I know, is I will follow Him to hell and back out of love of Him. I…hunger for Him. It wish to be united with Him forever. I wish to glorify Him forever and ever. I know what hell is like, I lived years without Him. I can't imagine eternity without Him. This peaked around a few weeks back, and certain…parts became…erect…if you catch my drift. I was by euphoria..and a willingness to suffer for Him out of love. I did not know what to make of it. Was it a trick of the the devil to lead me astray? But why would he make me sing psalms?
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b7ea60 No.827679
>>827678
was I experiencing eros for god? i am still learning please be easy. Because I HUNGER for Him. I wish to praise Him forever and ever
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47a5e7 No.827681
>>827678
>Also, is it weird to have a 'lust' for God? I have that for lack of a better term.
Try "passion". :)
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b7ea60 No.827682
>>827681
okay. Does passions often come with an aching for union with Him in certain parts? I feel confused and would like advice
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47a5e7 No.827683
>>827682
There's nothing physical about religious passion, if that's what you're asking. I just thought you meant religious zeal.
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b7ea60 No.827687
>>827683
It is a combination. My pain tolerance is MUCH higher than before. Often when standing, my arms will unconsciously move to me clasping my fingers to my chest and pray, or outstretch my hands in a PERFECT thanksgiving pose. With arms outstretched. Same with adoration and petition positioning. I am often overwhelmed by a LOVE of prayer. when I am suffering, I offer it to Him out of love
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b7ea60 No.827688
>>827687
I picture people loving Him with ALL their being and glorifying Him.
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b7ea60 No.827690
>>827687
I don't know what to make of it
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b7ea60 No.827691
>>827687
if it means anything, it started when i was struggling with prayer, and i asked God to fill me with a love of prayer
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47a5e7 No.827692
>>827687
That sounds like spiritual passion to me. I was confused on what you meant at first.
I have a fire burning in my heart, that amplifies from time to time, in my more ecstatic state..when I feel more at one with God, and love all of his creation around me. But I never considered it solely a physical experience exactly.. even if it manifests itself that way.
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b7ea60 No.827694
>>827692
Is it a bad thing to have a spiritual passion?
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47a5e7 No.827697
>>827694
Not at all! Quite the opposite! I wouldn't have it any other way.
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b7ea60 No.827698
>>827697
Okay. What does the Church say on this, out of curiosity? I can't find much on it
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47a5e7 No.827700
>>827698
Our greatest model, outside of Christ himself, is his mother. And she was full of passion in the Magnificat: "My soul magnifies the Lord!"
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b7ea60 No.827701
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47a5e7 No.827702
>>827701
Our second greatest model (among mere humans) is John the Baptist.. and his passion and fiery nature best describe him. He literally leapt for joy as a baby, in his mother Elizabeth's womb, when she greeted Mary.
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b7ea60 No.827703
>>827700
are there any books on this on this in humans? have any saints experienced problems with their …members? I heard St. Catherine of Siena used to orgasm from some of her experiences. Is that what is occurring here? Am I so in love with God, it takes over all my individual faculties? are there other saints that experience this? or are joking with me?
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47a5e7 No.827704
>>827703
Oh.. this is not what I meant by passion. Like I said, religious passion is not physical in that sense (any kind of sexual or lustful sense).
I'm torn on Catherine of Sienna. I don't want to offend anyone here, so I'll leave it at that.
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47a5e7 No.827705
>>827703
Oh, and I'm not joking with you. I think you need to be more on what you mean by physical, I think.
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b7ea60 No.827706
>>827704
Not sexual, but it affects those areas. I am so in love with God, i
>>827705
i
am male, so my members become..swollen, my heart races. I….have…. a HUNGER for God, to consume and be consumed by Him. To be enveloped by Him. A INTENSE DESIRE…for UNION with Him. If He were an ocean…I would drop right in and sink deeper and deeper until I dissolve. i desire theosis with Him. To be united with Him. Now and forever. If I could sing, I would sing the psalms to Him. I would die a millions deaths, if it meant He could be glorified even more, out of love. It is a self sacrificial love, a love where you are willing to suffer..out of love. That kind of love, and it takes over my whole body. My heart, my head, my..extremities. To put it another way, If someone put a gun to my head and demanded I deny Him…. I would rather take a bullet… than deny Him
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b7ea60 No.827707
>>827705
When i give someone my heart, I give them my word. I would GLADLY die for Him, out of love
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b7ea60 No.827709
>>827705
I am DESPERATE to be pleas. I wish to be bent to His will. I wish to be made in His image. I ABHOR my defects, as they prevent me from loving Him perfectly. If to be perfected, I must suffer a horrific death. I WILL DO IT. HE deserves ALL our praise.
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b7ea60 No.827711
>>827709
*to be pleasing to Him.
No one has loved me as much as He has. How could I NOT suffer for Him?
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47a5e7 No.827712
>>827706
>Not sexual, but it affects those areas. I am so in love with God, i
I don't understand that specifically, but no one is going to fault you for desire for self-sacrifice.
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b7ea60 No.827713
>>827712
It takes over the gonads, and causes them to be…tender and… sensitive. I often am overwhelmed by love, euphoria, and desire for desire. It an be overwhelming but…calming and peaceful. It affects me as though I were in love without a woman, except, none of the human lust, but the physical reaction remains in many ways. A strong…desire.
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b7ea60 No.827714
>>827712
it feels so…pure. It is not tainted by desire which one may have for another human, but if that was desire was purified and directed completely towards God,but the body reacts in many ways like that one may have for a beloved. I have no interest in Lust towards people. I do not picture women nude or the like. but it feels…different with my love toward God. It feels..eternal.
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b7ea60 No.827716
>>827712
Do you know what ever this is I am experiencing?
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b7ea60 No.827717
>>827714
could I..be experiencing religious ecstasy?
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b7ea60 No.827718
>>827717
I remember, when I started praying the rosary, i had an experience where i was HYPERFOCUSED on the rosary in my hands with love and joy, and I said, "rosary, reveal me your secrets!" It lasted about 5 seconds. I had never experienced ANYTHING like that before
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d9251c No.827753
I know. We can only be grateful the knowledge of this is a cross of ours to bear - their indifference, not their hostility
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d9251c No.827754
>>827706
Sounds very dangerous, as a matter of fact. We are not called to pray out of sheer emotion and passion - but in silencing of oneself, in conviction. Otherwise, effective prayer would be very difficult for those who are not as zealous, whereby zeal is not a virtue in and of itself. We have to be watchful as thus, knowing prayer OUTSIDE of ecstasy may be much more effective as it shows our conviction, not to get persuaded by passions or by our conjuring up images as if this were some movie, for even prayer, even silent communication with the Lord requires watchfulness, and if the most holy of saints struggled with this, we certainly have cause to he watchful, always.
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b7ea60 No.827756
>>827754
It as like this only for a little while. I will be careful from now on. You know the first time I stepped in a Catholic Church, a thought came to mind. "I could do what the priest is doing' better. not to denigrate the priest. He did a decent job. But I felt I could someday make a more reverent Mass.
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108166 No.827761
>>827706
Personally, I've found myself confused when it comes to responding to genuine love an affection. I've grown up, as we all have, in a wicked world that sexualizes everything; in the modern world, sex is the culmination a every relationship, its goal. Even if we're not aware, we tend to internalize this to some degree.
Maybe, try to calm down your passion. That is not to say drown it, but refine it, polish it, mature it. Prayer and learning about the faith help. Remember God created the world and the natural order, and that faith and revelation never go against reason, but complement it.
And learn to love the world. You can transform it through love, similarly to like the love of God has transformed you.
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b7ea60 No.827795
>>827761
I find it hard to relate to the world. I feel like I belong in an earlier period. I am increasingly distrustful of the future particularly with tech. My local supermarket payed big bucks for a robot, that more or less is there to spot MESSES. I hear about people talk about transhumanism, A.I. High tech crap. I feel more and more obsolete. I can't relate to the modern world anymore. It is changing so fast. I remember as a kid there were paper applications. NOW everything has to be done online. Insurance, buying stuff. I look at Iphones and feel an immense loathing, Tv as well. If it were not for /christian/ and music, i would toss the computer into the creek out back. I wish I could go back to the early 2000's. I wish for a simpler time. I wish for…stability. I look at the decadence going on, and I wish for God to take me away. I wish for Him to wipe the world clean. We don't deserve Him. I look at how political sad we are. I am from a conservative family. I look at fox, and am sicken at how to are excited by Porn stars showing off their beach body. To me…Conservativism is A LOT slower decline in terms of morals. I look at how my family curses. and how my grandparents were brought up. My dad often curses, and he said his dad would have slapped Him. I look at that, and think of how things that were unthinkable a century ago are now the norm. Standards for modesty is down the toilet. I can't even think of a woman in a bikini without revulsion. Many of today's conservatives would be considered left wing a century ago. We are in a time of God's wrath, are we not.
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b7ea60 No.827796
>>827761
I do, but I don't want to go it alone. It is hard when you know most of the people you know may not make it. I wish I had someone I can relate to in my life. : /
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108166 No.827817
>>827795
>>827796
>I can't even think of a woman in a bikini without revulsion.
The history of the bikini is absolutely despicable. A prostitute had to model for the photographs cause no one else would. It became popular when a french singer started wearing to attract media attention. The inventor made the suit only to cause scandal and get popular that way.
>I find it hard to relate to the world.
"And Simeon blessed them and said unto Mary His mother, “Behold, this Child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel, and to be sign of contradiction" (Lu 2:34). "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but the sword" (Mt 10:43)
You're not supposed to fit into the world, and one could say no christian ever was, in any time, past or present. The current decline in morals is helping to unmask the hypocrisy and corruption in the world, which existed previously, but was hidden behind a facade of christian morality. When everyone attended Sunday mass, do you think they did it because of love of God? Or just because it's what everyone else did?
Do not look into the past for better times, loom into the future. If you have faith, you must have hope too.
And don't forget: your faith doesn't make you better. It's not truly yours; the Lord gave it to you through His grace. You didn't earn it, you didn't deserve it. Most of us first stumble upon the faith through what seems mere casualty.
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b7ea60 No.827862
>>827817
On the bright side: I MEMORIZED THE LORD"S PRAYER IN LATIN :DDD
took me a while, but with God ANYTHING is possible! : D
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8bbdf2 No.827884
>be me
>raised Catholic by mother
>dad is non-practicing, but raised a Lutheran by a Baptist preacher who was also gay
>dad cheated on mom and remarried an erotic dancer (with a living ex-husband)
>Aunt and sister were the only other Christians in the family
>both became apostates around the time I went to college
>mom is a Catholic, but is kind of losing it
>hasn't gone to confession in decades
>was going to Mass every Sunday, but has since stopped because of her new boyfriend
>her boyfriend is scared of Catholic paganry, so she sometimes goes to his Protty church
>dad almost dies and starts to find faith (mostly for cultural reasons, though)
>dad tries to be Lutheran and stops
>dad tries to be Baptist and stops
>dad tries to be 7th-Day Adventist and stops
>keep trying to bring my dad to the Catholic Church
>refuses because he believes a bunch of fake stuff from Evangelical Mega-Church preachers
>I get a girlfriend who was raised by her Baptist grandmother
>she was abused severely and finds Christians hypocritical
>she is coming to Mass with me every Sunday and wants to do RCIA
>it's because she likes me, not because she likes God
>literally no one in my life has the same passion for Christianity that I do
I feel you OP. I feel you.
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8bbdf2 No.827885
>>827676
No, it's not just a symbol. It is a physical manifestation of a spiritual reality. There is true efficacy in the ritual of Baptism, just like there is true efficacy in the ritual of Matrimony. The physical act of receiving a sacrament is a participation in the spiritual change that is happening. Human beings are both matter and spirit, and in order to fully participate in God's will, we must worship Him body and soul. That is not to say that spiritual change cannot be affected apart from the sacrament, rather that the sacrament is more than "only a symbol".
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8ef8dd No.827892
>>827885
No, it's a symbol.
A wedding band is to the marriage what baptism is to the new birth.
When you say "true efficacy", what are you saying it's truly efficacious toward?
>The physical act of receiving a sacrament is a participation in the spiritual change that is happening.
I have a telling question, is the spiritual change (grace for sin) reliant upon the physical work?
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