Two words anon, Spiritual Warfare.
Before I get to the bulk of this comment I'll put the following links here.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fr_ThgVkUGo - Spiritual Protection
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyH7MUnP5Ic - Levels of Spiritual warfare
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtrmZLbH9CM - Spiritual warfare Pt. 1
Now before you go click on any of those links let me say as a preface. They're long. I recommend you listen to them when you're doing something where you can focus on them without completely just sitting their idle doing nothing else, as if you do the latter you probably won't listen to them.
You don't need to watch them all in one sitting, but I highly recommend them as they have helped me a lot.
As for my advice aside from listening to the videos. I used to be a lot like you, though not to the same extent. I suffered same-sex attraction too when I was a teenager but I believe that was due to pornography and its deterioration of my morals. Rather than an innate desire, regardless it was there. Could also be when some older kid abused me when I was like 9-10 and put his dick in my mouth, but I didn't like it then and the thought of it from then even through teenager years was extremely disgusting
We're all disgusting degenerates anon, if we could even begin to fathom a glimpse of the true greatness of God. Committing a mere venial sin would deserve much much much more than the death penalty.
>I have permanently damaged my mind and memories
This is touched on in the youtube videos above. Pray to the Lord and to your Guardian Angel to help remove these past sins and memories from your mind. Demons will use this against you, you realize this, I realize this. Before I became Catholic I had gone from the age of 14-20 masturbating 3-5 times a day, to all sorts of shit. My mind is permanently scarred because of this and it makes the struggles much harder due to everything I've seen. It becomes more and more manageable anon once you start to get into a stronger prayer and spiritual life.
>I don't want to be like this. I have attractions to women, yet I keep falling into my perversion. How do I deal with this?
Spiritual warfare. Step it up anon. This is a war for your soul, the devil is trying to take you away from God. Do whatever you can, any underhanded tactics you can think of. Instead of giving you instructions I'll give you an example with my own life as I got sick and sick of falling, each time I did I upped the ante. Till I hit a point and decided to take it truly seriously. This is my soul and my eternity with my Lord we're talking about.
>Prayer regime - I set times to pray atleast twice a day, in the morning and in the evening. On my knees before my bed.
>Throughout the day I keep God in mind, thanking him for all the little things. Praying for the little things, asking His graces as I go through my day.
>I always pray to my Guardian Angel, and thanking God for my angels prescence.
>I pray an Our Father at least once a day
>Anytime a lustful thought comes to mind, I immediately silence it and drown it out by praying Hail Mary's repeatedly and thinking about Christ on the cross.
>I ask our Lady for her intercession, especially being chaste and pure herself.
>Novena's to your Guardian Angel or to your Patron Saint, google it and give it a go. It doesn't take much.
>Hang a bunch of crucifix's around your place, its a good investment.
>Crucifix necklace on me at all times
>I now keep holy water at my place and bless myself every morning and evening.
>Rosary, I need to get onto praying the rosary daily instead of everytime I feel the urge to pray it. Heck last time I fell 15 minutes prior I remember a strong pushing to go and pray the Rosary to overcome it. Felt that was my Guardian Angel
Those are just things that I'm doing, I'm sure you can take it even further. Throw some fasting in there, abstain from meat etc. It may sound rough, but most of it is very easy. My favourite time is in the evening with my prayer to the Lord, and when I'm drifting to sleep praying to my God. I love my Guardian Angel, and blessing myself with holy water I feel has helped me out greatly as well.
Some may say this sounds overboard, especially some luke-warm people. But ignore them. REMEMBER this is a battle for your soul, for eternity. Don't cut corners, go all out against the adversary.
Pt. 1