No.81772 [View All]
I'm going to open abortion chinics
____________________________
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No.81874
>>81870
If you can get part worn tire that should be ok.
Oil change can be around 35, battery though that's like 100 out the gate
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No.81875
>>81874
battery is fine thankfully (got it 2 years ago). im just stressing over having to get rides and not being able to drive myself. it will be fine soon enough. got better sleep last night
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No.81877
anxiety has been pure Hell, had a panic attack so bad yesterday i broke down crying. i dont want to give up though, i want to go and do something. it makes it legitimately hard to function at times though.
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No.81878
Nig to nig nig nigger, niggy nig nig nigger
Been wasting weekend with video games.
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No.81879
>>81877
Fingers crossed Maddie. If I were a believer, I would pray. You'll be in my thoughts at least.
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No.81880
>>81878
Also, what games you playin' Bee?
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No.81881
>>81880
Rim world, playing with pawns that as I want the white race to be (too OP)
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No.81882
Remember to tell your dad happy father's day.
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No.81883
>>81879
>If I were a believer, I would pray
i converted on Easter actually. its been helping me a lot
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No.81884
>>81882
hes no longer with us, but i asked God to tell him happy Father's day for me.
>>81883
God told me to quit drugs so i did. i literally prayed and asked for the answers to things i was willingly blinding myself to. the next day its as if the information suddenly appeared in my mind. it was surreal. i forgave and even reconciled with my brother. i became motivated to find a job and better myself. many such examples.
my most profound testimony so far though? the night before Easter my friend recommended i try converting to Christianity. i, of course, felt reluctant. he insisted and so i gave in. i had prayed to God to help me, to show me a sign, etc. keep in mind i was in a state of rampant insomnia, drug crash/withdrawal, etc. full blown inability to sleep for over 30ish hours iirc? i was lying on my sisters couch watching "The Greatest Story Ever Told" and eventually i was graced with God's presence. it was as if a light shone on me and bathed me in perfect harmony. i had zero aches or pains, no worries whatsoever, an immaculate sense of being. it was absolutely beautiful and no experience ive ever had comes close. its only helped me since.
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No.81885
>come home from work
>Ill just take a little nap
>11pm
Fuck
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No.81886
>>81885
i cant take naps anymore or i will ruin my sleep.
this job position isnt right for me, but im not going to quit outright. i need to pay for a tow and relevant mechanical services. they are violating safety code with the forklifts. guy was driving with the load most or all the way up to get where he was going, and even does this by shimmying the forklift between carts and such that can be moved by the spotter. think ive seen him drive with the forks up which is another safety hazard, and he doesnt regularly shut off/turn it back on as needed.
im going to transfer out to hopefully a cashier or "sales associate" part time position. it depends on what they make me do for the latter, but part time cashier could work. im required to notify management about wanting to transfer; so i can air out my concerns to the store manager about safety and why i want to transfer, if needed.
my direct supervisor is an absolute piece of work. i suffer from severe anxiety and insomnia, one of the symptoms of anxiety is inability to focus. so i ask questions to reinforce the learning, and she doesnt like that saying "i told you already". this has made me feel scared to ask much of anything so i do it when its absolutely necessary. i feel like she may think im doing these things on purpose or something. i was also accused of doing things i didnt do, and when i tried to defend myself she basically told me to stop talking and listen. this is with the context of being 4-5 days new on the floor at most.
part time position is 15-35 hours with optional pick up shifts, no overtime. this will also ideally give me the time to go to church and doctors appointments if im eligible for insurance by then.
today has been an absolute Hell of a day, i had a panic attack at work and broke down crying in the break room. i really didnt want to get to that point, but i did. it feels like i cant talk about these things to my coworkers for fear of judgment.
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No.81887
>>81886
Mentioning unsafe forklift use reminded me of this old German classic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja7ap6AEuYU
Would you get a different supervisor if you transfer? I hope yes.
Sorry to hear about the panic attacks u.u I can understand you fear them being judgmental about it.
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No.81888
>>81887
>Would you get a different supervisor if you transfer? I hope yes.
yes, also trips get
i had a meeting with my supervisor's supervisor and addressed the concerns. he was very understanding and accommodating and gave me a reference to the store closer to me. i go in for an interview tomorrow. i can either do the electrical department (i did this before at another company for a bit) or cashier. im gonna try the electrical one. i dont actually do anything with electric, i just sell products related to it and such.
i just drove for the first time in 1-2 years, it went a lot better than i expected
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No.81889
>>81888
That's great Maddie.
I don't work with unsafe people if someone is being unsafe after I've told them once I just say, do as you want and walk off tbh.
Best of luck for the transfer.
As for the panic attacks, I've been meditating a lot to help with mine or I simply pray a bit and feel I can manage.
Hopefully you can find something similar to help
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No.81890
>>81886
You just got to learn to be indifferent to people, man.
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No.81891
>>81889
yeah i pray a lot to help with many things
>>81890
i know. im still learning how to deal with all this. ive only just now started so of course its going to be a struggle
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No.81892
>>81891
well, I don't think free will is a thing so I don't see people as having any agency, so they can't be guilty of anything, I can't really ascribe person-hood to them, and you seem really neurotic so it is probably going to be an up hill thing for you
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No.81893
>>81892
>you seem really neurotic
lol "seem", i most certainly am. honestly staying on my feet and busy all day has helped me deal with anxiety a decent bit. the only thing that sucks is waking up, but after that i can handle it
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No.81894
>>81888
>>81893
Checked, amazin'!
>i just drove for the first time in 1-2 years, it went a lot better than i expected
Very nice ^.^
>staying on my feet and busy all day has helped me
I'm glad to hear. As long as you can occupy your mind, I think that's natural too.
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No.81895
>>81894
well good news is the supervisor apologized to me and said i do really good work. part of me sees this as good exercise, but part of me wants a shorter commute. idk. im just gonna leave it up in the air for now
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No.81896
>>81895
Very nice. If that was heartfelt, it speaks very well of them.
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No.81897
Oh yea, also Uuuoooooh ;o;
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No.81898
>>81896
it was yeah, but ive decided to go ahead and take the offer to transfer to the closer store. i calculated the mileage and its double to get to where i go now compared to the other one. its only part time for now, but i figure this is a better long term investment as i can work in to full time. also wouldnt hurt to allow myself a little time to adjust to my medicines and such. i do pretty well at work, but sometimes i get a bad panic attack and cry/try not to. it really sucks when it happens, but im not going to give up or anything. honestly staying busy has helped me ignore it a lot
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No.81899
>>81898
i transfer out on the 11th iirc
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No.81900
>>81898
>but i figure this is a better long term investment as i can work in to full time
Indeed. And employers also put a lot of stock into your history and seeing that you can keep a job for a long time, if you only work short time it become sus for most people.
>>81899
Fingers crossed Maddie!
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No.81901
>>81900
its 100% confirmed im transferring, i just forget when. im feeling dissociated right now, its really rough
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No.81902
good news is that tomorrow is one month of full sobriety. im going to be giving myself credit for milestones like this
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No.81903
>>81902
Heck yeah, we'll done Maddie.
Keep it up
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No.81907
went to church and i had a moment where i reminisced of my dad taking me when i was very young. its always stuck out in my memory. and when i thought of that, i felt like he was there with me
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No.81908
>>81907
Mag, I wish I loved anyone enough to want them to be with me after they die.
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No.81909
>>81908
i used to be quite a misanthrope. but while im experiencing love, its hard to experience hate. not impossible, but its been better
hatred really boils down to holding on to anger for so long. if you can learn to forgive (let go) of this anger, it helps a lot. idk much about you, but this is just my own experience. i forgave my brother and let go of the grudge after 15 years or so. we have had a couple real conversations and the house doesnt feel so bad anymore
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No.81910
>>81909
Oh no, id drown the world in blood before I'll forgive anyone.
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No.81911
>>81910
The most Bee thing.
>>81907
>>81909
I'm happy to see things working out. Slowly, gently.
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No.81913
>>81911
yeah, its a process. ive improved a lot in such a short amount of time
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No.81914
>>81910
that is problematic. not for their sake, but yours
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No.81915
>>81914
Nah, it is their problem
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No.81916
>>81915
when you hate people, 9 times out of 10 the only person being hurt is you. 10 times out of 10 one of the people being hurt is you.
foot anon, more details on the oil rig job? what do you do, whats the pay, location, etc? im not necessarily unhappy with my current job, but i feel i can do more with myself. what makes you think i would be a good fit?
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No.81917
>>81916
Essentially, I install flanged pipes, i.e. what bee was making with the grinding, I then run stuff through them so they're "clean" i.e won't contaminate what gets put through them.
Usually I'm out on platforms at sea, but sometimes I get sent to plants too on land, varies really, usually. The company pays pretty good, you get per diem every day work or not, they pay for your hotel etc but it's 12 hour shifts potentially every day until the job is done.
Which can be on 2 week rotations if you're off shore, so you get flown in on a helicopter or sometimes they boat you in and a crane picks you up to the deck.
I say you'd be a good fit cause you're not retarded, care about safety, and after an adjustment period you'd make friends and probably enjoy it.
You don't have to do offshore either, there's plenty of companies that exclusively work on shore, just when you're off shore you can't really spend your money so you wind up with a fat paycheck at the end.
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No.81919
>>81916
Yeah, I cry out in pain as I strike somebody. Lol
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No.81920
>>81919
it hurts in the sense that you are harboring a grudge/anger. you focus on that negativity and that brings your mood down. i should know.
i feel like you are being willfully obtuse about this though, so do as you will
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No.81921
>>81917
Do you actually use math and work out layout, or do you install prefab shit?
>>81920
It is just my biology, which is not the same as yours, and thus doesn't have the same reaction.
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No.81922
>>81921
Sometimes, I don't engineer systems but I do need to work out ratios for what I'm putting through given certain parameters
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No.81923
>>81922
Lol
Yeah, you fine the long line of right triangles. Good luck to you
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No.81924
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No.81925
>>81923
>Yeah, you fine the long line of right triangles.
Trigonometry, yeah. fuck that. math is my worst subject
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No.81926
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No.81927
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No.81928
im ready to try and repair the relationship with myself. it feels much better to be at peace rather than angry over every tiny thing. it feels liberating to exist in the moment and enjoying it rather than focused on shallow things
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No.81929
>>81928
Right foot forward Maddie.
Also, noodle soup!
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