>be me, shopping at Wallyworld
>wearing my mask, because I'm not retarded or American
>plenty of retards out today
>feel like Howard Hughes during the "Kleenex boxes on the feet" phase of his life as I dodge motherfucker after motherfucker who is wearing their mask wrong or coughing like they have The Consumption
>finish groceries, decide to do a little Christmas shopping
>head for toys
>get to action figures area and find some abject old cunt of what I can only assume is a meth abuser with pic related white hair
>he's parked right beside the Cybertronians in the toy car area
>No mask
>Going through the Hot Wheels (no relation to cripplekike) and grabbing a ton that catch his chemically-induced fancy
>I wait, patiently, hoping he'll find enough toy cars to eat so I can see if the Transformer my son wants is there
>start to daydream a little, looking at the new MotU releases, when all of a sudden the Methabomber sidles up close to my face
>"This is you! Haw haw haw! *wheeze!*" he exclaims, breathing hard into my face
>recoil in horror while looking at the car he's jammed in my face
>can't find a pic, but it was some go-kart looking thing with a peach-colored "driver" with a helmet sticking out of it
>Ah. Mr. Halitosis is referring to the fact that I shave my head. Such an astounding display of wit
>"Haw haw haw! Get it? It's you!"
>"Okey-doke."
>GTFO as fast as I'm able before I accidentally inhale his CoronAIDS.
>go through checkout
>load groceries into car
>put cart back
>proceed to turn on radio loudly and primal scream the entire way home
The most astounding this is that, if I'd murdered him like he deserved, I'D go to jail!