Will I be alone forever?
(f17, idk for). I don’t know how it happened, but I’m empty - just a total void, honestly. I have no hobbies, passions, or interests. I don’t do anything. There’s nothing to talk to me about. I don’t - and haven’t - interacted with people at all. Right now, I’ve been out of school for a year. I finally took a break - or rather, a pause - though I have no idea how I’d ever go back. I’m NEET, hikikomori, dk. I’ve been alone my whole life, really. I had one friend at one point, but we stopped talking. I’ve never really had anyone online, either - maybe just for a very brief time, once or twice. My inner state has been nothing but constant despair and hopelessness my whole life. I have no clue how I ended up this way/ I’m just existing. I look at other people, and they all have something - a hobby, a sense of purpose, a social life, or even just an online presence or things they love. I have nothing. Only recently have I started doing anything at all - some manga, some music, some games. I’m trying to fill the void. But really, it amounts to nothing. I feel so incredibly lonely. I have no one to chat with. Isolation is eating me alive. I never go out at all (though it was the same back when I was in school, nothing has changed). I wish I could chat with someone, even just online. But who would want to talk to a total void like me? I’ve tried keeping a conversation going, but it just felt so stupid. I don’t know what I’ll do. I feel like even if I finally started doing something, it wouldn’t change a thing - the despair and loneliness would stay with me forever.
I don’t know, maybe someone else is in the same boat or has a similar experience. I'm writing this just because.
