listen the fuck up because this shit is actually insane.
Last weekend I decided to go full mad scientist. I took 3 tabs of some insanely clean liquid LSD and chased it with half a bottle of 190 proof Everclear. Within 45 minutes the walls started breathing and I blacked out on my gaming chair.
Next thing I know, Adolf fucking Hitler is standing in my room in a black hoodie and sweatpants, looking like he just got off a 12 hour LAN session. No mustache, short hair, mid 30s, built like he actually lifts. He looks at me and goes "You called?"
We've been duoing CS2 for like 6 days straight now. The nigga is actually disgusting at the game. He's got like 2 million aces at this point. Every time he clutches a 1v5 he screams "SUBHUMAN FILTH" in German and starts talking about how the enemy team has "inferior blood." When he dies he immediately starts ranting about Jewish hackers and how Valve is run by the same people who stabbed him in the back in 1918.
Bro won't stop theorycrafting about "the ultimate camp." I made the mistake of showing him that hamster hunting game and now he's deadass designing gas chamber layouts in Autodesk like it's a new map for Dust 2. Keeps saying he's "optimizing throughput" and "maxxing efficiency." I'm 90% sure he thinks the hamsters are a metaphor.
We also do fat rails of meth together between games. His lines are so clean it's actually suspicious. Man's got infinite stamina, never tilts, just pure unhinged aim.
So real talk… did I accidentally open a portal to some alternate timeline where Hitler never offed himself and just became a Nazi CS2 god, or did my plug sell me the most powerful hallucinogens known to man?
Send help. Or send more acid. I'm scared but also kinda winning.
Hitler just peeked mid on Mirage and dropped another 30 bomb while screaming about the Treaty of Versailles. I'm losing my fucking mind.
