/pnd/ - Politics, News, Debate

LOL YES HE DID!!

hahaha

And for whatever it's worth, in Elvis Presley's credit, according to hundreds of millions if not billions of women worldwide, Elvis was considered one of the best looking men in history…

He was blessed in many ways to be sure

So Donald Trump is not the first person to look in the mirror and wonder if he was as charismatic and magnetic as Elvis Presley

I want you to imagine Donald Trump with black hair

A bowl haircut, in fact, with straight bangs across the front

Now picture him wearing a parka in the Siberian Wasteland

I think he's a Mongol

Allegedly the Drumpf garbage lineage is traced back to germany, but I don't believe it…

keep in mind that his ENTIRE LINEAGE were low class lying thieves criminals and pimps…

Con men. It runs in the family genes

His grandfather was a fucking scumbag pimp who set up a whorehouse on somebody else's property without asking permission

The lowest level of scumbag Criminal, not even smart enough to develop a clever crime

Just a scumbag pimp

His whole family was nothing but scum, liars and thieves

So I don't believe the German bullshit for a minute

I say they're Mongols

If you look at Trump's eyes, they are the eyes of a Mongol

a funny thing happened in America back in 1956, and it changed the entire world?, seemingly overnight….

ELVIS HAPPENED

And for the first time, the world had permission to be edgy and dangerous and sexual and alluring

We had the right to become tigers

I guess you really had to be alive back then to really understand the impact it had on the world

It shouldn't be overlooked or dismissed by any means

ELVIS INVENTED "COOL"

Before elvis, it was "swing swing swing"

BUTELVIS INVENTED "COOL"

The entire term "cool" that we still know to this very day was created….

Now the world knew how to be cool…

Every woman wanted to fuck him

And every man wanted to BE him

For the SINGER SPECIAL…..

Yes, Elvis Presley was a singer but that had nothing to do with the name of this show

It was coincidentally sponsored by the Singer sewing machine company

It was originally called the singer special, but these days everybody refers to it as "The 68 Comeback Special"

for THE SINGER SPECIAL, they recorded the background music for a tiny segment of the songLITTLE EGYPTand had Elvis Presley sing live on stage over the pre-recorded music…

the song Little egypt, written by Lieber and Stoller, is a wonderful Musical Tale about a stripper, actually the first stripper who created the term "belly dancer", back in the Chicago World's Fair in the late 1800s..

in the song, Little Egypt comes on stagewearing nuthin' but a button and a bow

( one of the greatest lines ever written )

And at the end of the song the protagonist has married the stripper and they have seven children running around the living room floor…

But for the singer special, they only recorded one short verse

And they took several shots, trying to pick the right performance…

Unfortunately, they did not choose this particular take, number 1007

Because if you listen carefully to Elvis Presley's voice as he sings the song, you will hear him actually having fun, toying around with the idea of being Elvis

He does a grunting grinding guttural noise, then you can hear him actually laugh at himself

Because he's actually having fun

This is perhaps the single greatest Elvis performance ever, and it's not even an entire song

It's just a little snippet from the Lieber and Stoller songLittle Egypt

And Elvis is in magnificent form! His voice was like Trumpets from the sky, and he looked so fucking cool in that gold jacket

You really can't find anything much cooler than this, no matter how far you look or how deep you dig

I did all the digging for you

And here's my Christmas present

Imagine being a meek awkward flat broke white trash country bumpkin teenager with a dream… and you wake up one morning and your Elvis presley, the world's most famous human being

And you wake up every morning and it's not a dream

And it never ends

And you are on the Rocket Ride of a lifetime, and no other human being could ever even begin to understand what you are experiencing

It drove him insane, the same way it would drive you or I insane after a while

>>358113

NICE

>>358113

DUDE…….

GOD DAMMIT DUDE

AWESOME

Let me change algorithms and prompts

I didn't really put any effort into it. Let me give it a shot

>>358113

Hats off to you, sir

I'm very proud of you

See I'm kind of pissed off right now at night Cafe because it's giving me garbage results

And I really don't feel like jumping through hoops with mid Journey right now I'm just not in the mood

Mid Journey requires a little bit more motivation and dedication than I can muster at the moment because I'm drinking some single malt scotch

DALL-E BLOWM-E

And I've got like 12 mobile apps that actually do a better job than the web apps

And I'm actually drunker than I thought I was a couple sentences ago

Speaking of which it's time to top off my scotch, because it's 16 degrees outside and a majority of the world actually thinks there used to be a guy named Jesus

So I might as well drink myself to death while I have a chance

I'll be right back tough guy

There you go! Nothing a little bit of speyside single malt scotch can't cure

And I was just kidding about a majority.. it's only like 12% of the human race who are stupid enough to believe in Jesus

But there are many many hundreds of Millions more who celebrate the holiday, half ass Christian idiots.. they're not sure what they believe but they are greedy slaves to merchandising

Celebrating the birth of an imaginary Jesus when he actually would have died, if he were real in the first place

Which he wasn't

But they're fake ass Bible clearly says he was born in the spring

Only 12% of the world is christian, which means 88% are equally as stupid because they believe in a different religion

The whole human race needs to be vaporized, without harming any of the other forms of life on the planet

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR:

WATCH THIS ENTIRE THING

It will completely explain the magnetism and other weird things people don't seem to understand about Elvis these days

He never looked better, he never sounded better, and if you have any questions about Elvis? Address them here.. this is where he'll get your answer

To rebel against Colonel Tom parker, they included a whorehouse scene in this rebellious 1968 refusal to bow down to Colonel Tom and create a predictable Christmas show

Elvis was cool as shit

keep in mind

HE IS SINGING LIVE

Look at the interaction between Elvis and the blonde whore in the whorehouse scene

Elvis fucked all of them

ALL OF THEM

Look closely at the interaction

He was fucking the shit out of her

he is still listed as " having more sex than any other human being in history", simply based upon his routine of a rotating door, with 35 women entering the bedroom at a time, several times a day, every single day, and it never stopped…

He would have 35 women come into the bedroom at one time

He was fucking the shit out of this chick

And she was a hottie!.. she was hot as fuck actually

If I saw that chick right now, I would drill a hole to China right through her ass

She was smoking hot

And it's so obvious

He had been fucking the ever-living shit out of her

>>358131

that's outstanding!

I guess it goes without saying that Trump would like to consider himself a ladies man

HAHAJAHAHAHA

It doesn't take a billionaire to get good looking pussy

I got my best looking pussy when I was flat fucking broke.. that's the way life works..

But he's allegedly a billionaire

and he has to PAY FOR SEX ???

Are you telling me he can't find a woman willing to fuck a billionaire without getting paid up front?

Like I said, Elvis Presley had his 12 bodyguards figure out the perfect system, because they would have up to 300 beautiful women in Graceland

Even more than 300, depending on the moment

One of his bodyguards said " one night I started counting heads and I realized there were 175 beautiful women in the house, and just seven of us guys"

So with that many women, they had a revolving door system

They knew exactly what Elvis liked and what he didn't like in women

And they would carefully pick and choose 35 of the women at one time and Usher them into Elvis's bedroom

And Elvis gave them permission to fuck whichever ones were left over

Which they all did

And when Elvis was done, they would send in another 35 women

And the number 12 regarding bodyguards was simultaneously correct and incorrect because it fluctuated depending on the day or week or who Colonel Tom was flying around that month

So imagine 35 women coming into your bedroom

Over and over and over and over

And over again..

And over and over and over again

It's not surprising that Elvis started going off on tangents

Having women eating each other out and doing hardcore lesbian activity they never would have dreamed of beforehand

Because getting your dick sucked by 35 women gets old believe it or not

>>358139

yes he was

A lot of guys fantasize about having two girls at the same time lol

So did I until I had three

And the night I fucked seven strippers all by myself, I suppose three didn't seem like that big of a deal anymore

But even having 35 women suck your dick simultaneously gets old after a while

So Elvis started spicing things up a little bit.. LOL.. for lack of a better term

Again, you'd have to imagine waking up every single morning, and realizing "this is not a dream"

Every single morning

That's what makes the story so fascinating

He was a true Explorer

Captain fucking Kirk nobody had ever gone where he was going

He quite literally wrote the book

He crashed and burned

Horrible.. disastrous

Most shooting stars do

He was the first one to ever get a $1 million check from the entertainment industry

AGAIN : not even the biggest Hollywood names had ever received a $1 million dollar check before

He got the first one

So let that put things into perspective

Because back then, a million dollars was a million dollars

And nobody had ever received that amount before, so imagine the level of dynamic electricity Happening Here

And the saddest part of the whole story

He was actually just a really nice shy kid

He would have been so much happier if he had never become famous

LiterallyTHEmost legendary Story Ever Told.. in the history of the human race.. and it had such a painful dichotomy

If he had just never become famous, he and his mother would have been happy forever.. he would have married a nice sweet simple country girl and they would have had children and he would have died in his seventies, a proud simple country grandfather with a life well lived

But the adulation of the human race was a very addictive poison

And it's fair to say he overdosed on that poison just as much as he did on the drugs

He wasn't even necessarily trying to be famous, because he wasn't sure what he was doing

He was an outcast, an awkward misfit

Just like you and me

You and I can relate to it because he was so awkward that he never fit in no matter what group he approached

He tried to integrate, and somehow managed.. and then he finally decided to stop pretending to be someone that he wasn't

And the awkward Misfit turned into a defiant individualist

And of course people sneered and laughed and pointed fingers

But that didn't dissuade him

And then the lightning bolt occurred

He was cool as fuck

He was also a complete fucking asshole

You cannot actually understand Elvis unless you embrace the fact that he was a fucking asshole

Everybody knows the nice side of him

But the other side was extremely dark and overwhelming

I don't believe in false gods or demons, mythology garbage

But if there was a dark demonic satanic force, you could have found it in Elvis

BIGTIME

Because after his mother died he resented Colonel Tom and resented the music industry so bad

And he lived in a tortured prison in his head

And his anguish over his mother's death tore him to pieces so badly that he became a very very very very very very very very very very very dangerous human being

It was dangerous to be around him, that's for sure

Because he went on a downward spiral the likes of which will never be seen again

And if you weren't careful, the Rocket Ride would end horribly for you

Because we all know

No matter what they say, those on a downward spiral will gladly take you down with them

Jesus never existed, I assure you

That whole story is mere mythology

But if you wanted to find a documentation of a Jesus figure

There's tons of photographs and films of Elvis Presley

So Jesus fucked up a little bit, big deal.. we would all do the same if we were in his shoes

I AM DOWNLOADING & CHERISHING YOUR PICTURES

PLEASE MAKE MORE

(I particularly like the presidential seal on the belt. That's fucking sweet dude)

>>358163

That depends.. when he was a young boy, yes his hair was blondish

But like many people, as he went through adolescence his hair turned brown

I've dated chicks with white blonde hair, like real Swedish chicks. I married a Swedish woman…

There are true blondes and then there are blondish types, like Elvis

If you wanted to be accurate, Elvis had auburn hair

There's a very very peculiar phenomenon that occurred with Elvis presley, and I don't think I've ever seen it before :

HETRANSFORMED

He literally physically transformed!!

I'm not joking.. he was an awkward ugly teenager, and as soon as he became famousHE LITERALLY TRANSFORMED INTO A ROMAN STATUE!!!

It wasn't cosmetic surgery

he "BECAME" Elvis

Suddenly, he looked like a God damn Roman god

And I'm not talking about these fucking tick tock bitches with lips inflated like a donut Tire in a gas station parking lot

This has nothing to do with plastic surgery or Hollywood smoke and mirrors

HE PHYSICALLY CHANGED

Kind of like an alien

To paraphrase trump, nobody's ever seen anything like it before

I think Jerry Reed summed it up best

Because old Jerry Reed was a country boy, old school

And if you suggested he might be queer, he'd break your fucking jaw

But I think he summed it up really well

I love watching that clip because he's so fucking real

It's mind-boggling to imagine having to stand in his shoes, and the nuclear blast of the initial Fame would somehow Fade Into the fog as you continued into the bizarre downward spiral that he commandeered

It's my favorite American story!

I think it defines America better than any other icon

The scariest part?

Elvis was a fucking Republican

I told you Elvis was an asshole

Well, he was a real asshole

He actually liked Richard Nixon

He supported the war in Vietnam

As much as I love elvis, I hate to say he would be a trump supporter

He was a not particularly attractive awkward misfit

I have been a gigantic Elvis fanatic ever since I was 12 years old and I took LSD and listened to his original Sun sessions recordings

And I can honestly say the one thing I will never figure out :

how the fuck did he TRANSFORM ?

It's the closest thing to shapeshifting I've ever seen

Certainly, there was something Supernatural Happening Here, correct?

Because I don't do "supernatural"

I'm not into that bullshit

But this one was different

HE CHANGED SHAPE

So can someone please explain that to me?

YES……

YES YES

HE CHANGED SHAPE

Even to the very end, he continued changing shape

And what the world considered one of the most attractive men in history became one of the most horrifyingly unhealthy looking miserable disasters anyone has ever seen

He was incredibly unhappy

It's part of the weird dichotomy

The world's most famous man was simultaneously the world's loneliest man

The man who could have anything was the most miserable person on Earth

There was always a yin and yang, including the final conflagration

He had everything but had nothing

He had self-destructed so badly, punished for our sins of adulation

Tragic.. absolutely fucking tragic

But even here two weeks before his death, he still demonstrated the gift that his misery could not diminish

He was actually an opera singer

He was a country hick who went to see the operas at Ellis Auditorium when he was a teenager

And the secret to Elvis Presley singing had nothing to do with the cheap imitations

The curled lip or the hubba hubba or the thank you very much baby bullshit

The secret to his singing was

HE WASN'T SINGING

The real pure raw Elvis was SCREAMING

SCREAMING……

Hard to tell if it's crying or just screaming

For example, in the song Jailhouse Rock, he's not singing

He's a country boy in his backyard screaming angrily at his friend

That's why it's so hard to find a good Elvis imitator, because the real Elvis was just a little kid screaming angrily

This is the voice of a young child yelling in his backyard

That scared the fuck out of people back then

100% TRUE STORY :

Many many years ago I used to have a friend named Todd Morgan

Todd Morgan just so happened to be the creative director of Elvis Presley enterprises, Graceland

Todd was cool as shit! They really made the right choice when they hired him

Todd and I were friends. And he knew I was bizarre, and he liked that

He knew that I had painted Elvis portraits for celebrities beginning at the age of 12

He knew that I had painted Elvis Presley portraits for Andy Kaufman and Jay Leno and Pink Floyd and Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger and a long long list of celebrities, as a "schtick" to not only see every concert for free from the front row, but also go backstage and hang out with the celebrities themselves…

Todd knew my first Elvis portraits was for Jerry Lee Lewis when I was 12 years old

I had painted a giant mural in Memphis Tennessee for a nightclub called Red Square

On the exterior mural, I created a make believe 1960s movie poster, the movie was called RED SQUARE

It said "Elvis Presley starring as Johnny Neptune in Red Square", as if Elvis was playing the role of me somehow

I created a 1960 style Montage of Illustrated scenes, where Elvis, playing the role of me, was punching an alien in the face, or making out with Madonna, or playing a guitar in a UFO, and in the middle of the mural I had Elvis in a convertible 1960s cobra, driving directly at the viewer, and there were five beautiful girls in the car with Elvis, with a nuclear mushroom cloud exploding in the distance behind them…

And I painted all of it in a Russian theme, Soviet Era Style

Then I went back home to Neptune Beach Florida where my Swedish wife was waiting for me

And I got a phone call from Todd. And he flew me back to Memphis where I had just been and offered me a job as art director at Graceland

>>358209

LMMFAO

Dude..

I'm not trying to corny or anything

I'm dead serious

You're actually making this feel like Christmas

100% TRUE: continued

So after I met with Danny and Carol the licensing and marketing people, I laughed at them and turned the job down…

I told them I had been working for Elvis everyday since I was 12 years old, and I wasn't about to start clocking in at 8:30 with a tie and a clipboard to approve ashtrays and coffee mugs.

I swear to God that's exactly what I told them right to their face but I wasn't rude

I wasn't being rude I was just being very honest

So after Danny and Carol left the room.. oh hold on

Hold on a second I forgot to tell you

Okay so you have to picture how bizarre this seems to me at the time, okay?

I grew up in Memphis a long time ago, and went to Graceland Elementary when I was a kid, and I used to see Elvis riding his daughter's golf cart in the front yard at 7:00 in the morning when we walked to school…

When I was 11, I created a cartoon character just for my own entertainment, and I used to Xerox them and sell them at school… I created a character named Johnny neptune, who was a secret agent like James bond, always saving the World Behind the Scenes.. but instead of going incognito, Johnny Neptune went undercover as the most famous entertainer on Earth.. kind of like Elvis.. understand? He was going undercover right there in front of everybody's face, but they didn't realize he was actually saving the world after the concerts…

So when I'm 12, I started using the name Johnny Neptune as my art pseudonym….

Fast forward and I'm living in Neptune Beach Florida with my Swedish wife

But I travel to Memphis to paint an Elvis mural for a nightclub, then Johnny Neptune returned back to Neptune Beach

But then I get a phone call and the next morning I have a flight booked back to Memphis to discuss art Direction at Graceland

It was all kind of fast, you could say

so here's the part I forgot to tell you

I went into what they called the War Room at Graceland

It's actually a small office building located directly on the side adjoining property of Graceland, the north side

In the war room, we sat at a gigantic huge impressive badass wooden office table

And Todd told me "this is the same Table to where we tried to talk Lisa Marie out of marrying Michael Jackson"

So after I turn down the job offer, Danny and Carol left the War Room

And that's when Todd swiveled in his chair and smiled

" I knew you wouldn't take it"

And he was right. But he flew me into Memphis anyway, and I stayed at the Peabody Hotel that night on there expense account

Anyway, I have gone backstage with so many celebrities I can't even begin to tell you because my memory is slipping as I age

And every single one of them had an Elvis story

How Elvis changed their life somehow

It turned out my little schtick was a stroke of genius, because instead of painting that particular celebrities most recent album cover, or asking for autographs,I was the weird guy that stood out

I was there to celebrate elvis, not getting autographs or praising anybody other than Elvis

And like I said, I got to hang out with Jerry Lee Lewis, and he used to call me on the telephone when I was only 12 years old and we would talk for a couple hours here and there

You'd be amazed some of the personal stories I've heard from different celebrities like Roy orbison, for example

I met Roy Orbison before he died, and we talked at length about elvis, and I learned some inside stories nobody else would ever know

And Carl Perkins, the one who actually wrote Blue Suede Shoes

Had lots of people tell me inside stories about Elvis that nobody knows about

Like when I'm at Jay Leno.. I was 17 years old, and he got me drunk as shit

My fiance and I met him at the punchline comedy club in atlanta, and I wasn't even old enough to drink, but after the show he drank me under the fucking table

This is when Jay Leno was young

And believe it or not, he was really fucking funny back then

But he told me some stories about Elvis that I never heard before

I've heard some really private stories about Elvis

Extremely private and personal

So I cut to the chase with Todd

I figured, what the hell you flew me in here, I might as well just get down to it

So I asked him about a series of particular stories I had heard from different celebrities, and wanted to know if they were true or not

Some extremely personal stories

YES

they were indeed true

Don't be mistaken, because many of them would not put a smile on your face

There's a term warts and all.. they used to use that term a lot in the past

Warts and all.. it's the truth, including the ugly parts

And that's the concept Todd and I had when we began discussing the creation of of a treatment on the screenplay, a warts in all telling of the Elvis Presley story, from behind the scenes

We were in discussions on this topic for a few years, beginning with the sit down in the war room

It began as a casual creative conversation, and slowly actually started to become a real idea

The first problem was the most obvious,

Who could play elvis?

Nobody.

So I decided perhaps it should be three different actors, playing different stages of his life, with the enhancement of computer graphics, even though this was a long time ago and CGI was still in its infancy

And I also suggested the film packed with tons of quick cutting Cameo appearances by varying celebrities

I told Todd, " imagine how many Big Time actors would jump at the opportunity to play elvis, even if it's only for one fleeting second, a quick glance.. they would jump at the opportunity"

And that really became one of the strong points of our conversations, the idea of having artistically sliced cuts and transitions, where for one fleeting second it might be the rock as elvis, or the next minute a reaction where you realize was that Lisa Marie Presley? And the next one is Vince vaughn, and the list would go on

But we discussed having the three main actors be Jason Priestley, as the young Elvis.. Brendan Fraser as the middle elvis, yes I said Brendan Fraser because he was young back then and with CGI it would work… and Todd said he couldn't figure out who could possibly play the later Elvis

AND THEN TODD MRGAN DIED

My good friend Todd Morgan suffered a massive heart attack and died.. he was a really nice guy

And that ended our work on the movie Project

It never went any farther because it had only been brainstorming up to that point

Watching the Elvis movie released earlier this year, I felt like I had somehow finally come full circle

Even though that movie was homogenized and did not Venture into any of the bumpy warts Todd and I envisioned in a honest retelling of the Elvis story….

And now I realize Priscilla would never have permitted Todd or I to proceed with that project

Baz luhrmann's Elvis movie was actually fucking great in so many ways

But that wasn't the movie Todd and I were working on

We were working on something more like Requiem for a Dream

For me, Elvis opened so many doors

Quite literally.. the backstage door to the Fox Theater in Atlanta for example

Or at the Omni International or any other concert venue

I guess it's not surprising that something as innate to the human psyche as Elvis Presley would appeal to just about everybody, including people who happen to the internationally famous celebrities

It all started as a clever quick scam to get backstage when I was a kid and I wanted to see Jerry Lee Lewis play in concert

And it turned into an opportunity to brainstorm on a tell-all Cinema Bible of Elvis with Todd Morgan at the same table where they tried to talk Lisa Marie out of marrying Michael Jackson

So you could say I was a bit of an Elvis fan, I guess

LOL @ KARI LAKE LOSING

The judge told the entire fagshow to fuck off yesterday

What a stupid fucking bitch

>>358257

nice, but not good enough

Elvis Presley plays the role of himself, the world's most famous individual Entertainer, a superstar, who secretly lives a double life, behind the scenes much more of a James Bond figure, saving the world from certain Doom without anybody realizing how close we came to the end….

Going undercover as the most famous celebrity in history, has its risks, and it's a madcap mine fuck as Elvis learns we are facing extinction and he must fake his death and travel into outer space to save Humanity in an intergalactic battle

"Elvis has left the planet"

Being created by an AI engine near you soon

>>358266

Needed it turned up collar and the sneer

>>358266

Needed a turned up collar and a sneer

needed to remember to get brown sugar for the fucking squash

You know, that's the miracle is the burnout

Everybody's afraid of the burnout.. we are apprehensive, worried we might be dissolved

Everybody's afraid of the burnout.. we are apprehensive, worried we might be dissolved

But that's not true.. the burnout is the miracle

For example, take any given butternut squash or acorn squash for that matter

Shred it before baking, and in stages, add butter and an Ever slightly increasing amount of brown sugar, and as each stage Burns out, apply a little more, at a lower heat than one might expect perhaps

A wonderful Christmas Eve dinner is a lot like fucking a bitch in the ass and hitting the tip of your dick up against one of her fucking turds, and it's kind of hard

Because it's the obstacles in life that are the miracle

And it's that brittle burnt glazed Crispy Crunchy corner of the motherfucking squash that we love the best

Everybody loves brownies, right?

Show me a man who doesn't love the crispy burnt edges of the brownies best?

And I'll show you a motherfucking communist

As children, we are falsely led to belief that life is a silky smooth satiny surface of satisfaction and safety

But then we become adults, and suddenly we are supposed to accept that we've been lied to, and shrug it off as we are forced to deal with the gold rooms and cruelties of existence

But then we become adults, and suddenly we are supposed to accept that we've been lied to, and shrug it off as we are forced to deal with the duldrums and cruelties of existence

and that's when we learned the truth about life

The most Exquisite parts of existence consist of the rough torn hem lines

We learn very little from the silky smooth sections

And we are defined by the adversity of the friction

And we are defined by the adversity of the friction

When we look back in retrospect, the only things that make us smile are the moments that seemed insurmountable at the time

The moments you will cherish the most are the ones that got under your skin the worst

I literally laughed Pepsi out my nose

Thinking about some of the worst

Most humiliating

Self imposed

disasters

Because that's how I learned I wasn't quite as smart as I keep telling myself

SUZY CREAMCHEESE :

A100% TRUE topic related sudden flashback memory

"if I'm not mistaken, I think Frank Zappa had something to do with the character named Susie cream cheese in a song or something", said the drunken Elvis fanatic, in the empty chat room.

But back when I was 22, my friends had this chick that started hanging out with them who called herself SUZY CREAMCHEESE

And I know that sounds bizarre, but let me explain something to you:

SHE WAS SOOOOOOOO HOT

Dude you rarely come across a piece of ass this fine in life, I assure you.. Susie cream cheese was absolutely fucking adorable! Not to mention she was so fucking hot, she was like smoking fucking hot with her body dude her body was so fucking badass and she was just exploding ready to fuck you wouldn't believe how good-looking this chick was man

Said the Elvis Fanatic in the empty chat room

And anyway man her tits were like literally exploding she was so fucking badass you just can't imagine how hot her face was and her smile and her eyes and she was blonde with bright blue eyes and she was just fucking gorgeous

Everybody wanted to fuck Susie cream cheese so bad.. all of my friends wanted to fuck her so bad, and she was hanging out with them, but she hadn't fucked any of them

Because I was fucking Suzy creamcheese

Well, to be completely forthcoming I wasn't fucking her the entire time

There was actually a long period of tension between us

Anyway dude you can't imagine what it's like going down on the most gorgeous fucking chick you could ever imagine

Hold on a minute

That didn't even make any sense

So hitting that hole was like going to heaven and coming back again, with the return ticket

I turned her inside out for a while there, that's for sure because I'm a bastard

I'm not particularly polite if you know what I mean

And the memory that just flashed back in my head had nothing to do with her amazing set of tits, with slightly puffy nipples on the rack that's not too big but not too small, but literally bursting like a flower blooming

And the memory that just flashed back in my head had nothing to do with her amazing set of tits, with slightly puffy nipples on the rack that's not too big but not too small, but literally bursting like a flower blooming

Nope.. what flashed in my head was the present she bought me

Susie bought me a really nice French movie poster for Jailhouse Rock.. jumbo size

I had it on my wall for years. Let me see if I can find it online. I'm positive I'll find it hold on a second

yep

This is it.. Susie cream cheese bought me a huge movie poster of this, and it was on my wall for years, and I stretched her asshole out a lot more than the biggest turd she had ever taken in her life

I don't know if you've ever stumbled across the perfect tangerine, the most delicate Clementine.. and stretched it out with your dick so hard that it never looked at another man the same way again

I don't know if you've ever stumbled across the perfect tangerine, the most delicate Clementine.. and stretched it out with your dick so hard that it never looked at another man the same way again

But it turns out it's worth a movie poster

I had that movie poster in my living room for the longest time, and then one of my subsequent girlfriends got jealous or some bullshit I can't remember anymore. But ended up ripping the poster to shreds like a fucking cunt

( keep in mind I've been doing the Elvis thing since I was 12 )

So it's going to be a consistent theme

You might be hard-pressed to find conversation that doesn't include his name, motherfuckers, and that's the way our role

I ROLL*

I heard the Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah satellite landed in something yesterday or something to do without her space I believe…

It may have had something to do with a recent Advent in technology, involving another planet perhaps

So why can't they fix speech to text?

If they can send a mother fucking probe past Pluto, why can't they write the correct code required for speech to text to differentiate between OUTER SPACE and WITHOUT HER SPACE?

Is Excellence too much to ask these days?

Too soon?

Too soon after your childhood trauma that prevents you from having a standard of excellence?

Too much to ask the little princesses at Google to please figure out your stupid fucking speech to text garbage?

Because I speak just fine, fuck face

ELVIS WAS ……………………..

by his father

Are you even fucking listening to me?

look this up:

One night, back in the one room shotgun shack built shack in Tupelo Mississippi, a woman named Gladys Presley attacked her husband Vernon Presley with an iron skillet in the kitchen corner of the shithole house

She literally coldcocked that mother fucking bastard over the head with an iron skillet !!!!

And Vernon presley, after being struck over the back of the head with an iron skillet, fell lifeless to the floor of the shit hole one room house in Tupelo Mississippi

Lifeless…………

Elvis and Gladys danced

They literally danced

This is 100% true

Don't believe me.. research it for yourself

They literally danced around burning Presley's dead body on the floor after Gladys Presley smashed him over the head with an iron skillet

Until Vernon woke up

but he never touched that boy again, and Gladys Presley had become that boys savior

And only now can you possibly understand the depth of the relationship between mother and son

Are you even fucking listening to me?

look this up:

One night, back in the one room shotgun shack built shack in Tupelo Mississippi, a woman named Gladys Presley attacked her husband Vernon Presley with an iron skillet in the kitchen corner of the shithole house

She literally coldcocked that mother fucking bastard over the head with an iron skillet !!!!

And Vernon presley, after being struck over the back of the head with an iron skillet, fell lifeless to the floor of the shit hole one room house in Tupelo Mississippi

Lifeless…………

Elvis and Gladys danced

They literally danced

This is 100% true

Don't believe me.. research it for yourself

They literally danced around burning Presley's dead body on the floor after Gladys Presley smashed him over the head with an iron skillet

Until Vernon woke up

but he never touched that boy again, and Gladys Presley had become that boys savior

And only now can you possibly understand the depth of the relationship between mother and son

If you are able to follow me, you now understand the weirdest most unexplainable inexplicable bizarre aspect of Elvis Presley's life

Why he was so connected with his mother

And believe it or not, just sitting on your lazy ass looking at a computer monitor, you somehow manage to pick the one correct evening to discover the secret behind the Elvis mystery

And believe it or not, just sitting on your lazy ass looking at a computer monitor, you somehow manage to pick the one correct evening to discover the secret behind the Elvis mystery

One of the many Secrets Todd Morgan confirmed for me that day in the war room

Among many other topics like Gladys Presley having bipolar disorder, a genetic psychiatric condition that Elvis Presley also suffered from, unmedicated, and literally his life was a textbook example of what happens to an unmedicated bipolar patient

Among many other topics like Gladys Presley having bipolar disorder, a genetic psychiatric condition that Elvis Presley also suffered from, unmedicated, and literally his life was a textbook example of what happens to an unmedicated bipolar patient

Elvis was actually molested by his father

When Gladys finally found out Vernon had been touching her boy…..

The fire and Venom of country white trash exploded in a tremendous lightning strike, like nothing anybody's ever seen before

And the fury of the Lord Jesus rang down upon Vernon's head, with the stinging clang of the 1942 iron frying pan she used to hammer the message to the Bone

Elvis stood there, because it was just one room

He was probably around 8 years old at the time from what I've learned

Gladys hit Vernon so hard with that mother fucking Skillet directly over the back of his stupid fucking white trash head

And the piece of shit dropped to the floor, and they both thought Vernon was dead! So they danced

And this is where you use your imagination to picture a Green Mile type visual setting of the past

Quite literally a little boy and his mother dancing around the corpse of the father who had somehow molested his son

because that actually happened

But they didn't include that most important aspect in the Elvis movie this year

Nor did they include the teenage girl Elvis Presley inadvertently sent into a coma, by accidentally overdosing her on Belladonna

Nor did they include the fact that the teenage girl's mother worshiped Elvis so much ( much like a trump supporter washes Trump blindly and foolishly ) that she didn't even press charges against Elvis Presley for turning her daughter into a vegetable…

The teenage daughter was sent into a persistent vegetative state, because Elvis gave her too much Belladonna, and somehow the mother thought it was a miracle

The delusional mother was so proud of what Elvis did to her daughter

Nor did they include the fact that the teenage girl's mother worshiped Elvis so much ( much like a trump supporter washes Trump blindly and foolishly ) that she didn't even press charges against Elvis Presley for turning her daughter into a vegetable…

The teenage daughter was sent into a persistent vegetative state, because Elvis gave her too much Belladonna, and somehow the mother thought it was a miracle

The delusional mother was so proud of what Elvis did to her daughter

Nor did the movie include the part about the cute young friendly woman who was invited to Graceland, a friend of a friend.. come meet elvis.. one of hundreds of thousands of women

And when she had to get home to her mother, her car was blocked in

So she politely tried to interrupt the Party by asking if somebody could please move their car so she could get home to see her mother

And Elvis threw a pool cue at her

Because he had become completely insane

And just like a javelin, the pool cue hit her in the chest, and it just so happened to destroy a nerve ganglia

And it made her breast sag permanently

None of those little known Insider stories were included in the movie by baz luhrmann, because of course Priscilla Presley is the one who approves or disapproves everything

It's kind of strange how she divorced Elvis the years beforehand, and deciding she would be better off having sex with a half negro karate instructor, specifically to make Elvis jealous

She literally became a Nigger Fucker

And then when Elvis killed himself, suddenly she appears out of nowhere claiming her last name is Presley

It's kind of strange how she divorced Elvis the years beforehand, and deciding she would be better off having sex with a half negro karate instructor, specifically to make Elvis jealous

She literally became a Nigger Fucker

And then when Elvis killed himself, suddenly she appears out of nowhere claiming her last name is Presley

Suddenly that nasty Nigger Fucker claims her last name was Presley

And starts pretending like she's running the show

There are several other little inside stories, like the bullet holes in the office when Elvis flipped out and wanted to kill his father

>>358340

Let me Begin by clarifying I am not a Democrat and I'm not a liberal

>>358340

I'm just a human being that happened to be born in the United States of America and I happen to believe in letting people do what they want to do as long as they're not hurting anybody else

>>358340

So of course it doesn't require a liberal or a Democrat or an antifa member to disagree with some of the bizarre recent right-wing radical bullshit

I can still be an American and neutral but disagree with a lot of the dumbass Trump Maga anger garbage

I don't require a label to disagree with what I see to be Un-American values, like bizarre control issues

Which leads me to Richard Nixon and the Vietnam War

Richard Nixon was a fucking douchebag! Forget anything you think you know about republican or democrat or any of that current conceptualization

He was a cock sucking pole smoking douchebag

I told you Elvis was an asshole

Elvis was raised Country Bumpkin White trash, he leaned towards much more than conservative, but often times far right

Well at the same time, Elvis grew up in Shake rag

Shake rag was the ghetto of the Tupelo ghetto

It doesn't get any lower class than Shake rag

And Elvis had stupid ideology, a lot of bullshit false machismo

A little boy wearing a cowboy outfit in many ways

And Elvis had stupid ideology, a lot of bullshit false machismo

A little boy wearing a cowboy outfit in many ways

Elvis always fantasized about being Captain Marvel when he was a small child. That was his idol, Believe it or not, and if you look at the old original cartoons of Captain marvel, the haircut might look a little bit familiar to you

And when he got older he started fantasizing about being cops and robbers policeman secret agent

Every jurisdiction in the United States gladly gave Elvis Presley an honorary Deputy or police badge

And I'm not talking Herschel Walker here, because these sheriffs and police Chiefs worship the ground Elvis Presley walked on, as he was an American idol, and their wives were literally in love with Elvis Presley

Wherever he traveled, one of Elvis's bodyguards carried a briefcase containing countless dozens of Badges and police identification

They're quite literally wasn't a state or jurisdiction in America where Elvis wasn't a licensed officer of the law

Because you have to remember, this was the very beginning

He was breaking the mold

These honorary badges were much more than just honorary

Elvis was allowed to pull people over in his private civilian BMW with a strip of low profile police lights on top

Elvis had gone completely crazy

He would pull people over and point a pistol in their face for running a red light or turning on a stop sign

Then he would give them a $35,000 bracelet, apologize, jump back into his BMW and take off after another stop sign Violator

NIXON ?

Elvis's heart was broken when Colonel Tom tricked him into joining the Army to prevent the immigration service from deporting Colonel Tom after discovering he was an illegal immigrant from Denmark

Without Elvis's knowledge, Colonel Tom cut a deal with the immigration department

He would curtail Elvis's career at its very peak, and suddenly ship him off to Germany, after manipulating him into signing up for the United States Army

And during that period, Gladys Presley died

And it shattered his mind, and he lost it completely

And when he returned, his career was never the same because music had progressed in his absence.

The Beatles happened, and a whole new Revolution that he didn't understand because he was kept protected from reality

And as it finally sunk in that he had been crucified along with his mother, he grew to hate the beatles, in particular John Lennon

NIXON ?

Elvis's heart was broken when Colonel Tom tricked him into joining the Army to prevent the immigration service from deporting Colonel Tom after discovering he was an illegal immigrant from Denmark

Without Elvis's knowledge, Colonel Tom cut a deal with the immigration department

He would curtail Elvis's career at its very peak, and suddenly ship him off to Germany, after manipulating him into signing up for the United States Army

And during that period, Gladys Presley died

And it shattered his mind, and he lost it completely

And when he returned, his career was never the same because music had progressed in his absence.

The Beatles happened, and a whole new Revolution that he didn't understand because he was kept protected from reality

And as it finally sunk in that he had been crucified along with his mother, he grew to hate the beatles, in particular John Lennon

==ELVIS & NIXON = he wanted to become a federal secret agent and have John Lennon deported to lash out because his career had been destroyed and he was jealous of The Beatles

Yes he wanted to become a secret agent, before the drug enforcement agency, it was the Bureau of dangerous narcotics

And because Elvis was an out of control drug addict, the inside joke was he wanted to be a DEA agent

But more than anything, he wanted John Lennon deported

But more than anything, he wanted John Lennon deported

But more than anything, he wanted John Lennon deported

Elvis wanted John Lennon in prison

And the entire thing was a two-sided bizarre completely out of character event for elvis, where with no announcement whatsoever, for the first time, he suddenly left Memphis Tennessee without notifying all of his bodyguards what he was doing

And the entire thing was a two-sided bizarre completely out of character event for elvis, where with no announcement whatsoever, for the first time, he suddenly left Memphis Tennessee without notifying all of his bodyguards what he was doing

Good night my wife and I are beginning a refusal to acknowledge a pagan holiday, by celebrating a warm meal and some single malt scotch, complemented by some fantastic marijuana, and hopefully the icing on top is going to be a big fat load of my jizz intermingling with her feces after I fuck her in the ass before falling asleep tonight

Take care, planet Earth, see you soon

( and everybody remember to treat animals with special care, and help a starving desperate innocent creature instead of worrying about a worthless fucking human being who created his own problems )

>>358371

every Christmas

Vol. Tom created a HORRIBLE CHEAP TACKY Christmas card

intentionally

and since I emptied the Scotch, she grabbed a little cheap bottle of migrade whiskey

but they're PERFECT together

tastes perfect

tastes EGG ZACK LEE the way its meant to

REAL ginger beer and whiskey

squah glazed caramelized & crisped

garlic Brussel sprouts

baked potatoes

mango scotch bonnet salmon

and her famous homemade cranberry tangerine sauce

and garlic bread duhhhhhh

God damn its nice to have good holiday weed

squah glazed caramelized & crisped

garlic Brussel sprouts

baked potatoes

mango scotch bonnet salmon

and her famous homemade cranberry tangerine sauce

and garlic bread duhhhhhh

God damn its nice to have good holiday weed

>>358379

lol @ limiting it to "singlehandedly changed the face of MUSIC"

……….really?

just "music"?…..

bullshit

"before Elvis, there was nothing"

John Lennon

Trump is a loudmouthed, illiterate, stupid, uneducated, jealous, resentful, incapable ugly mouth breathing caveman, who has ALWAYS claimed he "won", every single time, no matter HOW BADLY HE LOST….

FROM DAY ONE

Elvis never had to fake ANYTHING

that's an incredibly accurate statement

an old friend of mine

and a HUGE Elvis fan

i like it

Jay Lenonwas still young, hair still jet black when I painted an Elvis for him

he told me several insider tips about Elvis, but the one I'll mention is how Jay Leno started out as an Elvis imitator

no shit.. ..

he started out impersonating Elvis, and this was back in the days when the very first VCR decks came out, and the consoles were huge and boxy

so anyway, Leno told me he had a mutual friend of Elvis', who told him Elvis had video cassette recordings of him and Andy Kaufman both doing Elvis impersonations…

And Elvis would sit and watch them over and over and over. And he said out of all the impersonations he had ever seen, Jay Leno and Andy Kaufman were his all-time favorites

and then I met Andy Kaufman

and then I met Andy Kaufman

Andy kaufman was like 16 or 17 when he began taking LSD every day and became an ELVIS MANIAC

whereas I was 12

Andy kaufman was like 16 or 17 when he began taking LSD every day and became an ELVIS MANIAC

whereas I was 12

I was watching Saturday Night LIE

back in the day

when thy still used to ply Bumper Spots, saying "guests if Saturday night live stay at The Essex House Htel, New Yorks Finest Hotel blah blah"

Andy Kaufman had just finished one of his amazing Elvis imitations, and they cut to a commercial

then they played the ESSEX HOUSE HOTEL Bumper Spot….

and I said… "hmmm.. so Andy Kaufman staying at the Essex House?"

so I waited until 1 AM

then until 1:15

and I called the Essex House Hotel

and asked for Andy

and the phone rang

and he answered

and he had a 90 min layover in atla Sunday afternoon

so I took 12 friends

like Memphis Mafia

and we all hung out with him as he td us Elvis stories